Ep. 19 - Why You Keep Circling the Same Dream

This one gets a little woo, and I'm not sorry about it. I've been doing deep subconscious work lately, and something came up that genuinely surprised me. I thought I was choosing myself. Turns out, on a much deeper level, I wasn't. This episode is me being fully transparent about what I found, why it matters, and how it might be showing up in your life too.

In this episode:

• The energy work that led me to a truth I did not see coming, that I wasn't actually choosing myself
• Why my business went quiet right when I knew what I was offering was life changing, and what I realized was really going on underneath
• The difference between the surface level want and the underground belief, and why the belief almost always wins
• Real patterns I'm seeing over and over in Spark Reviews, the woman who wants to write a book but fears no one will read it, the woman who keeps finding reasons not to post
• Where these deeper beliefs actually come from, and why they're not weakness, they're protection
• My client Linda and the courage it took her to finally write her book
• The simple daily practice I'm doing to retrain my brain that I am worthy of being chosen, and a challenge for you to do it with me

If this is you, I would love for you to share this episode with another midlife sister who needs to hear it. And if you've got two minutes, a review means more to me than you know.

Midlife is weird. We shouldn't have to figure it out alone.

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Go to www.rachelaperry.com/midlifemeetups

Transcript

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Welcome To Not Done Yet

SPEAKER_00 0:57

Welcome to Not Done Yet, the podcast for midlife women who know deep down their story isn't finished. I'm your host, Rachel Perry, and here we're going to talk about what's really happening in this season of life: the identity shifts, the quiet questions, the courage it takes to listen to yourself again, what it actually looks like to step into what's next, and why our boobs are hitting our knees. If you've ever looked at your life and thought, wait, is this it? Girl, you're in the right place. Because midlife isn't the end of your story, it's the moment you start paying attention to it. So take a breath and let's talk about what's really going on and what you want to do with it. Because, sister, you are not done yet. Hello, my friends. Welcome back to another episode of Not Done Yet. I am so excited you guys are here. I appreciate you so much. Today we're gonna get a little woo. If you've never heard that term, I listen, I love all the things, right? I love talking about signs and God winks and just doing deep, deep. I love talking about belief work and things like that. And I have actually been doing some deep inner work lately. I am doing frequency resets, like tapping meditations. I'm working with this amazing homeopathic doctor, who, Dr. Andrea Greiner, who I would love to have on the show sometime. But some things have come up for me. And I kind of want

Getting Woo With Inner Work

SPEAKER_00 2:35

to share them with you because I have I had this revelation. It's not just me that has all of this stuff that I'm working through. And if if you're not into this stuff, I just just bear with me because I I think you'll get something from this. I in fact, I hope that's why I do it. But something has come up that genuinely surprised me. So when we do these energy resets, it's basically speaking to my subconscious because we have all of these beliefs that we have that we don't even realize we have. Okay. And I'm gonna dive into some beliefs that I've thought that I had. And then it turns out I it was even deeper than that. I know that sounds vague and weird, but just stay with me for a second. But I thought that I had been choosing myself. Like, of course I'm choosing myself. I chose to totally pivot in my business. I chose to start this podcast, I chose to do all the things. I thought that I wanted more money. And I was doing all the things to make it happen. And then, and Dr. Andrea brought to my attention that actually my energy around money is actually no.

The Money Block Revelation

SPEAKER_00 3:57

I'm also not choosing myself. And if I had heard that a couple of months ago, I'd have been like, that is crazy talk. What are you even saying? Of course I want to make more money, and of course I'm picking myself. Hello, look what I did. But when I sat with that, when I sat with the fact that I'm sort of saying no to money, and I'm also not choosing myself, I realized why. I realized why I had these deeper beliefs. So my surface thoughts and beliefs were like, yes, I want to be successful in my business. And success is measured by money in what's one of the in my mind, right? That's one of the things that points to success. But then I realized, wait, the last time I was in a flow state with money when we had an abundance of it, when I was just making so much money, I realized that I was deeply unhappy. I was in the partnership at the time and it looked so successful from the outside. It was, it was amazing, but it felt suffocating from the inside. And I had that connection. I realized, oh my gosh, I think deep down, being successfully monetarily in my business, I am equating that with unhappiness. And so while I was saying consciously, yes, I want more, my deeper belief was quietly, consistently, invisibly saying no. And the belief was winning every time without I, without myself even knowing what was happening. And when I say this is not me just wanting to make lots and lots of money, and I'm being really transparent and really honest here. This is not something that I would normally share. But it's been very weird. I have built successful businesses before where people want what I'm offering. And it's been like crickets. It's been crickets. And I thought, what is going on? Because I know what I have, what I can help midlife women do is spectacular. It's life-changing. It's so worth working with me for $500 a month. You know, like truly, it is life-changing. I've had so many women who've worked with me in the past where they have become and stepped into this next version of themselves. And they say, Rachel, if I hadn't worked with you, this wouldn't have happened. But here's what I want you to know, and and I want, I want to sort of bring to the forefront is that there are two levels to what we want. We have the surface level, right? The one we say out loud, the one we consciously desire, the things that we want to tell ourselves and and other people that we're working toward. That's the surface level. It's almost like this is the version that you show everybody else. And we trick ourselves sometimes because to me, I was like, no, I don't know what's going on here. I'm creating something. I have created something that's amazing and that will be life-changing for midlife women, but nothing's happening. Nobody is interested. How can I be successful? How can I pay for my kids' college? How can I, you know, fund the bathroom remodel that we desperately need? How can I do that if nobody's wanting to work with me? And then I noticed there was this underground level of belief. Okay. This is the belief that lives way in the back of your mind

Surface Wants Versus Hidden Programs

SPEAKER_00 7:42

that was installed so long ago that it doesn't even feel like a belief anymore. It feels like a truth. In fact, it's a hidden truth. Okay. It's sometimes so hidden that you have to work hard to find it. And oftentimes those two levels, those two beliefs, the surface belief and the deeper belief, they're often in direct conflict. And that deeper belief almost always wins. Not because you're weak, not because you're not trying hard enough, but because the the that deeper underground belief is older and deeper and more automatic than the surface want, right? The surface want is a decision. But the underground belief, that that deep, deep belief is a program. And it's been your mind has been programmed. And programs run whether you're paying attention to them or not, right? Like, come on, we're Gen Xers. We remember what it sounds like when the computer is like booting up to go to like, oh my gosh, I was gonna say Wi-Fi. It was not when we were connecting to the to the internet and we had dial-up. And there, it's always running, right? That's what these unidentified beliefs are doing. That's why this subconscious work that I'm doing is so powerful. And I'm I'm sharing this, not so that you go and do some energy work or whatever, but I want to sort of bring to your attention today maybe some deeper beliefs that are holding you back from what you really want, right? So, as you guys know, I have something called the Spark Review that is just you fill out a little form, it's five, it's five questions. It's basically what is your dream and what is getting in the way of your dream, or what do you think is getting in the way of your dream? And then I send back a voice message about it. And there is a pattern with all of them. There's always a deeper belief that is getting in the way of what these women want. For example, there was this amazing woman who said that she wants to write a book. Like you could feel it in how she was writing about it, the joy that it would bring her. And then immediately she wrote, but what if I put all of that work in and nobody reads it, reads it, nobody buys it? What if nothing happens and I've spent all that time working? That is so

Real Examples From Spark Reviews

SPEAKER_00 10:10

true. Not the beliefs, like it's not true that nobody will read it. It's not true that nobody will buy it, but the reality that there is this deeper belief and concern that is holding us back from what we really want, right? Listen, it's not a logistics problem, it's not a time problem. It's a deep, deep belief back in your subconscious that says, you know what, your work really isn't worth people's attention. You know, you're not someone that people choose. Y'all, that was so hard for me when I discovered that I was not doing what I really wanted to do. I was keeping it at arm's length so that it was there, but so that I wouldn't be disappointed or so that I wouldn't fail, right? Another, another, this is actually, I've seen this quite a few times in the Spark reviews. A woman who says, a midlife woman who says, you know, I want more. I want to be seen, and I'm gonna put myself out there. And then she finds a million reasons why today isn't the right day to post or to share or to, you know, show up. And that's not procrastination. That's that subconscious belief, that underground belief that says, Who are you to take up that much space? Why would anyone want to see what you have to offer, right? The woman who says she wants more money, more fulfillment, more of her own life, and then feels guilty every time she gets close to it. That's not weakness, you guys. That's that deeper belief that says wanting more is selfish and that you should just be grateful. So I talked about in the beginning that I recognized and realized that I haven't been choosing myself because I really believed that I was. Like I said, I pivoted in my business. I really believed that I was choosing myself. And as I was listening to this energy reset, which is kind of like a meditation based on answers to questions that Dr. Andrea gave me, she said, You're not choosing yourself. You don't love yourself. And I was like, What are you talking about, Dr. Andrea? Girl, I done a lot of work. I do love myself and I am choosing myself. But then I sat with it and I realized she was right. If you were to say to me right now, like, you do you love yourself? Hell yeah, I'm awesome. I'm amazing. But when it comes to my business, I'm so this is so weird. I'm being so transparent, like really vulnerable here. So just yeah.

Choosing Yourself Starts With Worth

SPEAKER_00 12:57

But when it comes to my business, I think there is part of me that isn't choosing myself. And so why would anyone else choose me? Why would anyone else choose me if I don't choose myself? Right. And when I realize that and realize that she was right, holy moly, I was, I was it that was tough. That was tough for me because choosing myself on the surface, saying the words, doing the things, going through the motions, that's actually not the same as believing you're worth choosing. And that's what it was for me. I was choosing myself on the surface, but I didn't necessarily believe that I was worth choosing. And that deeper belief that I'm not someone people will invest in, that my work doesn't matter, that people don't really want to work with me. That belief was running the whole time, quietly canceling out every surface level yes with a deeper no. And I didn't even know it was happening until Dr. Andrea brought it to my attention. And that's how these deeper beliefs work. They don't announce themselves, they just keep running, right? And it's it's really interrupting our potential and where we're going. And listen, this is not going to be a therapy session. This is just has been a huge aha for me that I wanted to share with you. But these beliefs have they don't come from nowhere. They don't just appear, they've come from experiences that taught us something. And there must be some many probably experiences that I've had where I've learned I'm not worth choosing. I know that I am worth choosing. But there's something deeper back there that's saying, actually, you're not, right? And I have to learn how to work through that. So if you're like me as well, and thinking, maybe money, I want more money so I can pay for my kids' college. But money in the past has always been tied to stress or conflict or something being wrong. Then every time I put myself or you put yourself forward, something might go wrong. Right? Or money just isn't coming. Or maybe you learned that putting yourself out there,

Where These Beliefs Come From

SPEAKER_00 15:21

every time you put yourself out there, something happened, right? Like something negative happened, someone said something, and you learn, okay, don't do that. Or maybe you were told directly or indirectly that you were too much. Holy moly, I've had that. Or you're too sensitive, or whatever it is, you're too whatever, or not enough, or not the kind of person who gets to have what she wants. Maybe you watched the women around you put themselves last and absorbed that as a rule because that belief made sense. It was a protective one, right? It was, it was protecting you. There are so many things subconsciously that are happening that we are sort of our brains are um internalizing and we don't even realize it's happening. I know that I was, I'm an extremely, I'm an empath and I can read people's emotions and everything. And I think growing up, if my parents, you know, had a weird or a negative reaction to something, even if they didn't realize they were doing it, I internalized it and made it mean something, right? Kind of going back to that original story that I told many episodes ago, with I was talking to my mom about how I was five years old and I was like, okay, it's your anniversary. And my mom shut that down. She was like, you don't need to get me anything. And immediately I was like, oh, okay, okay, I shouldn't, I shouldn't, that's I'm wrong. There's something wrong with me. I need to do what's right. And my mom, her perspective was probably like, okay, you don't need to worry about this. Is not a worry you need to have, right? It's these things happen out of our control. All of these beliefs are keeping us safe from something real. Okay. But you've been carrying it for so long that you forgot it was optional. Right. And now these beliefs are running your life from underground while you try to build something above it. Does that make sense? And sometimes you might wonder why you can't seem to get traction on whatever it is. Like, why do I keep saying I want to write a book, but I haven't written a book? Oh my gosh, one of my clients, this woman is so awesome. Linda, shout out to you, my friend. She just wrote a book. She wrote this beautiful book on her life. And she's had a very, very, very traumatic childhood and life. And she's come out on the other side. She's the most resilient woman I've ever met. And she's come out on the other side and she's written this book. And it's so, and it's not published, or else I would share it with you. But it's, it was kind of her walking through all of the things that have happened to her and how she's come out on the other side. There were, and I have been with her through the process of getting the idea to write a book and then writing it. And

The Courage To Write The Book

SPEAKER_00 18:17

for her as well, I think there are so many times when you think, okay, no, I why would I do this? Like this, no, I'm not going to do this. But she did it, right? But she had to work through those subconscious beliefs, and she's still working through some of them, right? Just because we do the thing that scares us, like you write the book, it doesn't mean that all of a sudden you're like, awesome. Like I have no worries now. I don't care. No, you're still carrying it along. But the difference is that she did the thing. She did the scary thing, right? So here's something that I'm doing, and I would love for you to join me to do it. Every day, and I'm gonna be honest, I have sort of forgotten to do it some days. But I'm writing down three things. Like, why would my clients choose me? Why do my clients choose me? Right? Why do they choose the program that I have? Why do they choose to work with me monthly? And every day I'm writing three different things. Now, after a week, I'm I can repeat, but the goal is to get 21 different things. And that exercise is reminding me and it's retraining my subconscious that I am worthy of being chosen. I do get results for women. Women, after they leave me, after they leave sessions with me, they have stepped into that next version of themselves. They have taken the first step, second step, third step, whatever, into their dream, right? So I'm gonna

A 21-Day Worthiness Practice

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challenge you to do the same thing. First of all, ask yourself, what do you want? What do you say that you want? And then go deeper. What do I actually believe about whether I can have it? Not what you think you should believe, but what you actually believe. And that answer, the one that comes up fast before your brain can edit it, that's the deeper belief. And once you can see it, you can name it, you can say it out loud, you can write it down, and it loses some of its power because it's no longer invisible. It's just a belief. And beliefs, my friend, can be changed. Sometimes overnight, sometimes it takes a lot longer, right? But by doing the work, whatever it is for you, that can be changed so that you don't have that underground belief that's holding you back. So I just I want to encourage you that we're all in this together. This thing we call midlife, we're in it together, sister. We're doing the dang thing. We're doing the dang thing in spite of all of these subconscious beliefs. And because we're in midlife, we have extra underground beliefs that we we have to like work through, right? But I have to tell you, things have shifted for me since recognizing these things. Things have shifted for me once I realized I was not choosing myself. Now I'm choosing myself, truly choosing myself. And it's it's changing, it's flowing. The clients are coming in, right? It's amazing. Of course they're coming to me, right? Like, why wouldn't they? And you are worthy of being chosen too in whatever it is, whether it's you wanting to write a

New Flow And A Simple Challenge

SPEAKER_00 21:27

book, whether it's you wanting to start a business, whether it's you wanting to try and go for a promotion, whether it's you wanting to go back to work or quit work, whatever it is, you are worthy of being chosen. And it starts with you choosing you. My friend, I appreciate you being here today. I adore you, and I ask that you either share this with another midlife sister who needs to hear this message, or give me a review. Oh my gosh, I'm so touched by the reviews that some of you have left me already. I can't even tell you how much it means to me. I love you guys. Like, this is something that means to me is just chatting with you every Wednesday morning. So listen, I adore you. Thank you for me. Until next time.