Can Christians cuss? (Ep. 27)

Our words have the power to heal or to hurt, yet Scripture says, "No human being can tame the tongue" (James 3:8). In this episode, we take a look at what God's Word teaches about sinful speech, the heart behind our words, and the forgiveness found in Christ. Discover how Jesus not only forgives every careless word but also renews us through His Word and Sacraments to speak with truth, love, and grace.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Okay. You turn on the TV, and the language is significantly different than it used to be. Part of this has something to do with going from network television to cable television to streaming. But much of what you watch on TV now has language that is just laced with what would have once been called inappropriate language, these four-letter words, obscene jokes, foolish talk. How do we as Christians handle that? Actually, if you go out in society, it seems that the language that people use is quite a bit different than it used to be as well. Using swear words, cuss words, profanity. Have we become too comfortable with this? Today in this episode of Double Portion, we're going to take on a discussion about taming the tongue. How do we as Christians talk? How do we talk in a way that glorifies God? And how do we avoid using language that doesn't glorify God? My name is Chris Flugeft. I'm the pastor at Grace Lutheran Church, joined by my brother, Pastor Tony Flugeft, pastor at Christ Divine Lutheran Church in Temecula, California. We're both pastors in Southern California at Confessional Lutheran Churches, and this is double portion. So I'm going to read this here. I'm going to take a longer section of scripture going through 12 verses. I'm reading in the New King James Version of the Bible, because that's the translation I have right here in front of me. My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment, for we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in a in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. Indeed, we put bits in horses' mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships, although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles, and the tongue is a fire. A world of iniquity, the tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature, and it sets on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird of reptile and creature of the sea is tamed, and has been tamed by mankind, but no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing, my brethren. These things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or grapevine bear figs? Thus, no spring yields both salt water and fresh. This is the word of the Lord as written by James. Tony, after hearing a reading from James chapter three, talking about the power of the tongue, do you have any reactions or thoughts to share right away?

SPEAKER_01 4:21

I kind of want to pick up on what was said at the end of this. My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives or grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. A thing does that which it has been set up for. A good tree produces good fruit, an apple tree produces apples. Different ways of considering the same truth that we see all over scripture, that as the new person in Christ, we bear fruit fitting with who we are. And so uh if we are set apart by God as his people, our language will reflect who we are. Obscenity, coarse talk, foolish joking uh does not properly come from the mouth of a Christian. What is proper and fitting to come from a mouth of a Christian is the proper fruit. Pray, to pray, to praise God, to give thanks, to use the mouth to build up and not tear down. So that's really what I want to pick up on and really highlight this is an identity thing. This is who we are, who we've been made to be, and therefore what we will do.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Yeah, I think that's such an important aspect for us to consider. A verse that has always struck me is verse 10 here in James chapter 3. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing, my brethren. These things ought not to be so. To have the mouth that proclaims the glory of God, that sings his praises for people to hear those words come out of your mouth, but then also to hear obscene things, to hear unchristian things, to hear all sorts of other things come out of the mouth. He says, praise and cursing. This is not what God has created our mouths to do. And I think we need to just consider the power of the tongue and the power of the word. So, so often for humans today, we might not think about how powerful a spoken word is, but maybe we're recognizing it more and more. We grew up in a time where people might have said something like, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. How untrue that statement is. Yeah, it's okay to just brush something off once in a while and say, it's good that that didn't actually break my bones. I can move on. Someone just said something mean. But our mindset should never be to think that our words don't actually hurt people. Our words are powerful. James talks about the power of a little spark to start a whole forest fire, the power of a bit to control a horse and how powerful a spoken word is. Do you have any reactions on that to think about the power of the tongue or the power of a word?

SPEAKER_01 7:48

Not necessarily that. I guess what I think we need to address, and we can come back to this in a moment, but the idea of what cursing refers to and the objections of some that might say we want to make sure not to take this too expansively. Is cursing merely calling down God's judgment, calling down a curse upon someone? Or is there justification to take this beyond that? Or are you just simply saying we're gonna take this out beyond that because we have an implied message from scripture? If we're gonna praise, we also want to use our language properly, or are these things culturally determined? There's just a kind of a lot of thoughts here, but I think someone might look at that passage and agree with what you're saying, but then say, well, cursing is different than a four-letter word in English.

SPEAKER_00 8:46

Yeah, I think that's an important thing for us to delineate to define. So part of the power of a word is the fact that a prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. So there is a power behind a word. When we call to God in prayer, he listens to us. So if a Christian were to call on a situation and say, God, curse this situation or curse this person in our modern day sensitivities, or you might think that's a meaningless thing. So to think about the power of a word, uh, so we don't want to meaninglessly call upon curses on people or situations. So to recognize the power of the word behind praise and cursing, and then to make that distinction that you're bringing up, someone might say there's a difference. Swearing, cursing, coarse joking, foolish talk, they're not all the same thing. So perhaps what we can do is first get some definitions out there to recognize that the four-letter word is not the same thing as speaking a curse. After we get the definitions, then proceed further into that question of can we make an application here to whether or not a Christian can say a word that starts with F. So I think it can be helpful to think about cursing. So cursing is is calling harm down upon someone. So someone might call on God to curse something, or or they might call on a different power to curse a person or a situation. Now we would recognize the obvious issue breaking the second commandment, if you're calling a curse on something that is not by the power of God, because we are looking to the power of someone or something else. And in such situations, we are really to go to our God. If we're so troubled that we feel that a curse needs to be called on someone or on a situation, then the true response is call upon God's name in every trouble. So there we have cursing. Then we would also want to think about swearing. Swearing is often the term that people use to just talk generically about poor language, but it's not that. Swearing is calling an oath. You're calling a witness. Someone might say, I swear to God I'm telling the truth. What you're doing is you're you're calling on God to be your witness, that you are telling the truth in the situation. Now we recognize that the scriptures say, let your yes be yes and your no be no. So there would be a big caution towards needlessly swearing in such a situation. In catechism classes, I will give the encouragement that although many times I see hear young people say, I swear I'm telling the truth, I swear to God I'm telling the truth, that would be a false use of swearing and therefore inappropriate, because we we don't need to call to God as our witness in this scenario. There are times in the scriptures where swearing is done in a proper sense. The apostle Paul even calls on God to be his witness in circum certain circumstances, but that's improperly swearing, needlessly swearing would be a problem of language. So cursing and swearing are probably the two of the clearest ones in the scriptures. Uh, do you have other delineations or categories you might put in there?

SPEAKER_01 12:46

Yeah, so I think the set second commandment, you shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God. And then Lula's explanation, we should fear and love God that we've not used his name to curse, swear, liars, he ever use witchcraft, but call upon God's name in every trouble, pray praise and give thanks. And so, similar to what we hear in James about mouth the mouth being created for praise and and not for cursing. And so you talked about cursing, you talked about swearing, but then we have a couple other thoughts that Luther presents. And I wonder if there's a little bit of different aspects communicated with us. So do cursewear, lie or deceive. And so maybe a little different than just uh needless swearing, because you can needlessly swear and tell the truth. You think of the the the teenagers as on God or something like that, and and they might not be lying, but you don't need to put this on God that is not just allowing your yes to be yes and your no to be no, or someone could do something similar to like perjury, where they quite literally swear an oath on a Bible and lie or or give half-truths, not give the whole story. And so if you're using God to defend your lies, that is obviously a problem. So even beyond the needless swearing, but the false speech under God's name. And I think connected with that, anytime we lie would be a connection, would be kind of an element of this because as Christians, everything we do, we do in God's name. We bear God's name. So anytime we lie, we are really pushing this issue of being God's people and negatively communicating what God's people think say and do giving this impression that God's people and therefore God are okay with lies. That's that's a problem. So those would be a couple other thoughts connected. Also, the witchcraft one I thought always thought was interesting because I don't know if I ever fully understood why Luther puts that in the explanation of the second commandment. But I guess one thought I've kind of always been working on is this idea that when you use witchcraft, you're using power that really only can properly be used through the name of God through other means. So instead of going to the name of God to use this power, you're you're using other means to really tap into satanic and demonic power. And so that would be another improper um use of language would be to quite literally give into witchcraft. But I think in connection, anytime someone is praising or praying to or thanking a false god, you could put it into those categories. But I think when we're talking about improper language, and you mentioned it in the intro about the language you hear on TV, I think most people are thinking of four-letter words. They're thinking of what biblically we might call unwholesome talk. And that's where we would probably want to turn someone to Ephesians chapter four, verses 29 and following, where it talks about how unwholesome talk is improper for the Christian. So we're starting with verse 29. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may be benefit, it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption, get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice, be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you. And so unwholesome talk, talk that comes from bitterness and anger, talk that is not in line with the person of the Christian and the work of the Holy Spirit within us.

SPEAKER_00 16:56

Yeah, I think that's an important thing to recognize that certainly we as Christians ought to recognize that taking God's name is wrong. It's the second commandment, according to the numbering that Lutherans and Catholics use, right? You should not misuse the name of the Lord your God. So if we were to just call out God's name needlessly, or if we were to call on others instead of God to fail to use God's name, to pray praise and give thanks, that's going to be wrong. And Christians recognize it. Maybe they fall into that more often than they ought to, and they should confess that sin, but they recognize it. And then Christians would also recognize because of what scripture says, the cursing and swearing would be improper. And then I think that's where we would might we might struggle a little bit more. People might say, Well, what makes using some of these words improper? The Bible doesn't say that you can't say, like, I'm not going to say them, right? But yeah, I figured this is how you're going to do that.

SPEAKER_01 18:05

Now you're just going to say all the words and then explain why that word's bad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Like, but you use your imagination. There's an S word, there's an F word, there's an A word, a few of these words that you you know what people are thinking of. And you might say, but the Bible doesn't say you can't use those. But right here, as you're saying, like let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth. And then you might ask the question, what makes these words corrupt? Well, one of them is connected to the sixth commandment, right? So the the sixth commandment is not just a commandment that talks about our physical interactions, you shall not commit adultery. But the sixth commandment also is connected to our thoughts as Jesus expands it there. He says that a person who lusts is guilty of committing adultery, and we can apply it to our words as well. So I want to jump forward in Ephesians in chapter five, where you were just bringing us, starting with verse three, says, But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you as is fitting for saints, neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. So this is saying sexual immorality ought not to even be named among you as a Christian. That's not fitting with who we are. So we we can't just say, well, I'm not committing sexually immoral deeds. We also want to avoid using language that is connected to that. So often the inappropriate language that people use is connected to sexual immorality. So we as Christians would want to strive avoiding using such language.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

Yeah. I mean, so we don't even want to give a hint of sexual immorality. And you think of a couple of the words that you said are very much connected with that. And so people might say, well, these words are just wrong because of societal associations with that word. And in my opinion, that thought pattern is foolish in a couple of ways. One way is that you don't get to detach yourself from the culture you're in and the baggage of words connected with the language you use in your culture. So you might say, well, my friends and I are not offended by that. Your lack of offense towards something is not what justifies you. There are a lot of people who are not offended by all sorts of sin. And so just because you're comfortable with it or your friends are comfortable with it, doesn't make it good and right. So that that's one major issue with this. I think another major issue, like you said, is what is this used to discuss? And that's where a lot of foul language, even if you were using different words, it still would be improper and unwellsome talk. So yeah, maybe you're not using the four-letter word and you sub it out. But if you're using talk to speak coarsely and and flippantly about God's gift of sexual relations, well, just because that word doesn't offend the people you're talking with doesn't mean that it's a good subject matter to be joking around about. And so that's kind of the two issues that I would see with someone who would say, Well, it's just a word that culture says is wrong, and we're comfortable with it. Well, what are you talking about and why are you comfortable with that language?

SPEAKER_00 21:59

Yeah. And the defense that, well, it's just a word, right? It's just letters that are brought together. Is that really that big of a problem, right? I just bring and I bring an F with another letter and another letter and another letter. All of a sudden I have this four-letter word. Is that big that big of an issue? Well, that's how all language works. But when letters are brought together in a certain string, they end up having profound meaning. And when it's God's word with those letters, they have profound power. So we don't want to dismiss how important words are, right? Like I could just say, well, this is just G-R-A-C-E together, right? What does that mean? Grace. And when I couple that with the meaning of the undeserved love of God, that's such an important word. So to try to divorce that word from the meaning, it is, I think it's a foolish errand to go under. Words are important, words are powerful, words are built in the context in which we speak them. So we can't totally just deny that, well, this is we use it here and we're not offended. But you live in a society that uses it another way. And that sort of topic is not proper. If you don't mind, I want to go one verse further here in Ephesians 5 to see how important this is. And because after he talks about not using such coarse jesting or foolish talk, he writes, For this you know that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man who is an idolater has any inheritance in the kingdom of God Christ and God. We are those who have been set aside by God. We are those who have been called to be part of his kingdom. We don't want anything to do with these things. Well, we want to flee from them. I I love the example of Joseph with Potiphar's wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God? Runs away from the scenario. And even when it comes to coarse joking, foolish talk, inappropriate language, this is what our approach as Christians should be to flee from it, because that's not who we are.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

Yeah. So kind of going back to the power of words, just giving some biblical examples, like you talk about grace, but you think of the way that God created the heavens and the earth. He spoke it into existence. You think of Jesus' time here on earth. He speaks and opens up ears, he speaks and brings to life. Lazarus come out. God uses words in powerful ways. And so we don't want to downplay the powerful working of God's word and act like words are just mere stringing of letters together, because that's how God has revealed Himself to work. And so this is the downplaying of words, I think, is a major weakness in American Christianity today, because we we fail to understand the power of the preached word and we fail to understand the power of the absolution. And one of the things about the absolution that I just find so beautiful is it's Christ forgiving you through the words he has given to be spoken. I forgive you. But then that second part you're talking about, this not being fitting with the Christian, that really connects to that James 3 section that you were talking about before. This flows out of who we are. As God's people, we are set apart as the universal priesthood of all believers. So someone might say that James chapter 3 says, as teachers, and then goes on and explains someone who is being hyper literal about who's being addressed might say, Well, this is just talking to pastors and teachers or something like that. Um, as teachers, we we use our language properly, but we are all part of the royal priesthood of all believers that is set apart to declare the praises of God who has called us out of darkness into his wonderful light. And so we all have this responsibility to use our language for proper building up purposes, for proclaiming the gospel, for preaching the good news to others, for proclaiming God's praise. So let us use our language in a way that is fitting with our identity. Because the one who sins continues to sin, yet eventually you do need to ask that question are these sins sins of weakness? Or is this a sin that really becomes one of those voluntary sins? And I was just doing some studying, and we're gonna talk about this later in a different episode, but we don't want to be too flippant about sin as though a sin is a sin doesn't really matter. There's not historically how Glucinans talk. This is not what we teach at our seminary. We teach that there is a difference between voluntary and involuntary sins. And sins, persistent sins are more dangerous in a sense to the individual. And so if you're just gonna act like this doesn't matter, well, that is not the attitude of a Christian to just say, I get to do whatever I want, and God's word does not get to dictate the way I live, as though it doesn't matter at all. That is not the way that scripture speaks. This is not the way Lutherans have talked historically, this is not what we teach in our seminary. We are called to a life of holiness to say thank you. Now, of course, we do not save ourselves. We're not saying that. We're saying because we've been saved, because we have been justified, because Jesus did it all, we live a new life. We've been buried with Christ. And so sometimes people will talk about that buried with Christ idea of being connected, and it is to this idea that we are buried to sin and death. But that that doesn't just mean forgiveness, it also means it impacts who we now are and how we'll now live. And that's what Paul is doing in Romans 6. He's saying you're dead to live dead to sin. How can you live in it any longer? So we are dead to sin, we are those good trees, we will produce good fruit. And one of those fruits is a proper use of our language.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

Yeah. And then to see what you're underlining here is that this is not just an instruction for teachers within the church. This is an instruction for all believers to think about how we talk, and then we can make that application from James to every Christian. At the end of Colossians, we have these general instructions that he's giving to Christians, the recipients of the letter. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one. So, as Christians in general, not just teachers within the church, we do want to think about how we use our language to use it in a way that glorifies God, not in a way that detracts from his glory, not in a way that's sinful and wrong. But then because we're thinking about how God used language, okay. God chose to use the foolishness of this preached message as the conduit through which the Holy Spirit comes to people to work in their hearts to bring them to faith. Right? And we have the tangible physical word in baptism and the Lord's Supper, the word tied with those physical elements, and then we have that preached word as well that comes through the writings of scripture. God chooses to work through words, the words that we use are so important, whether it is we as pastors, whether it is the generic believers in Jesus, the laity, whoever it may be, the words that we use are important because God chooses to use the words that we share with people, especially when we're sharing his word to work in people's heads and in their hearts, that they may be convicted of their sins and shown Jesus as their savior. So we don't want to have a flippant approach to any of the word uh the words we use, where that be like, oh, that's just coarse joking, oh, that's just foolish talk, that's just a four-letter word. If God uses words, let's weigh our words properly and strive to use our words in a way that glorifies him and edifies others.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

And that's where I kind of want to connect to something you're saying, where the words we use, God uses to make disciples, is one one truth that we know because we're called to declare the praises, we're called to this friendship evangelism, following the example of Philip and telling the other people in our lives about the love of Jesus. And so God uses those words to to make disciples. And and so here's kind of a folly that I want to address that I'll hear. People kind of defend their coarse language as though they are becoming a relatable Christian. And I just want to call it out for what it is. Just consider that that claim at its face value that sin makes us relatable, therefore, it's gonna help with our witness of the faith. Like, is that really is that really a serious claim that I'm going to freely give in to sin to help with the spread of the gospel? Like, I I just want Christians to consider that for a moment. That sin is gonna help God accomplish his purpose of spreading the gospel, my sin. And of course, you could speak in 1 Corinthians or 2nd Corinthians chapter 4 sense of God uses mere jars of clay so that he doesn't highlight the the individual, but rather the the message, and you could say God works in spite of our sin. God works through sinful people, through mere jars of clay. But to think that my sin is going to make the gospel easier to be believed is absurd. Like that claim at face value is absurd, but you hear it all over the place, and so let's just call that out for what it is. It's it's not wise, it's not making you more relatable in a good sense, it's promoting sin and making people comfortable with sin. And so if you want to be relatable to your neighbors so that you have an opportunity to share the gospel, then do so by being kind and compassionate, by being helpful, by being there for them, by talking to them on a daily basis, by going out of your way to do good when they're in a time of need. That's how you can make yourself relatable. And you can be a very relatable person just by making conversation in a way that you're not utilizing false language, fall foul language. Like I think people get in this idea, this like caricature of a Ned Flanders type character, and say, like, well, I don't want to be that, so then I'm just gonna talk like everyone else. You can still be a normal person having conversations with people, and that makes you relatable. And this kind of is a different tangent. If people want to try to be relatable, one thing to do is ask people questions about them. This is how you can make connections. This is a way that I've found conversations to really stall with people in my life, where I feel like I just need to ask question after question, and they're not asking questions in return. And if they had asked questions, and then you if you ask questions, that's how you can get conversation going and then you can connect with them about the different answers. Um, that's how you can be relatable to people, not through the the sins that you're committing.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

Yeah. And even if our goal is to become relatable, which could work for a season or a time, like I've I've read comments on social media before where people were reacting at a pastor or a priest who drank too much at a wedding reception. And some people said, Oh, I he's like a real person. Just think about if that's really something drawing someone closer to God. I don't think it is. I think that the poor example by such a pastor or priest would actually lead people to stumble. First, it could cause great offense with someone to see that open sin and say, make them really ask, can I trust this man? Out of his mouth, I'm going to hear the word of the Lord. So it could be a stumbling block in that sense. Or it could actually just help harden someone. A sin that someone struggles with in weakness, they now hear a pastor or a priest or a mature Christian engaging in that sin. And it could harden them and say, Well, if they are comfortable doing it, I guess I should be as well. So our poor testimony through our actions could cause someone to feel maybe more comfortable around us, but more comfortable in their sin. So something that should cause us to pause and ask if that relatability is really worth it.

SPEAKER_01 37:09

Yeah. Now, if you don't mind, I I would like to maybe make a different connection with language. So we've kind of really talked about the outward focus of our language and how it is a negative testimony when we use foul language, whether it's promoting sexual immorality or if it is promoting sin in general. But I I think we kind of missed out on a couple of opportunities to talk about the what's driving our sinful language. And and I I think for the average Christian, maybe it is just well, for some Christian, there might just be the habit of using foul language that that they've just picked up on working or something like that. But I think for the average Christian that I know, when they use foul language, it comes from anger. And that was something that we saw in Ephesians 4, 29 through 32. And I don't think we really highlighted that. And I think that is a major point that we need to consider to get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling, and slander, or even what Jesus says about the what we would call the fifth commandment. If you call your brother Raka, which means fool, you are a murderer. And so what is it that drives you to call your brother that that mean name? It's it's that anger, that hatred in your heart. And so I think we need to address that a little bit of the source of the foul language. And I think for a lot of Christians, it's it's that anger. They're in the car and they're mad at someone in front of them, and and they're just letting their anger out. They're in a fight with their significant other, and they just let that anger out with their foul language. I I guess that's something I think we should think a little think about a little bit more, and then maybe we could talk about why it is so problematic, unpack that a little bit more, and then how we can try to avoid that, because I think that's a major issue. I think someone who has removed foul language from almost every aspect of their life might still struggle with using foul language when they're angry. And so I guess would you want to unpack that a little bit about the sin problem associated with that anger and the foul language?

SPEAKER_00 39:28

Yeah. So in that the section of Galatians chapter five, prior to the fruit of the spirit, which is verses 22 and 23, uh, is kind of the what's coupled with it, which are the acts of the sinful flesh. And those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. And as you read through the acts of the sinful flesh, you hear the things that sound like, oh yeah, sexual immorality, adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, that those fits of rage, as other translations might put it, and how a fit of rage, that inability to control our anger, and how that leads us into further sin. So often a person who uh knows how to speak and act in a loving way, when they have that fit of rage, they lose control of their tongue, they lose their ability to tame the tongue, and they allow things that they know are wrong to come off of their tongue. So I think before we go further with this, if you recognize, hey, I'm someone who I've been prone to fits of rage, and the law is convicting you. Well, I'm gonna direct you to another use of your tongue and a use of your ears to use your tongue to confess that sin to the Lord, and to know that the Lord is faithful and just and will forgive you all your sins, and to listen then, and and to hear uh that the word of the Lord, which says, You are indeed forgiven of your sins, because Jesus had perfect control of these things and lived for you, and Jesus died on the cross even for that fit of rage, even for that misuse of your language, that you are forgiven in Christ Jesus. And you can use your ears to go sit down next to your pastor and listen to him say it too, and to hear that you are forgiven. So if you are someone who's fallen into these fits of rage to know that there's forgiveness in Christ Jesus, but move by the forgiveness of Christ Jesus, we now want to live in a way that's glorifying God and asking the question, how can I have better control over these things? And I think that's something that we want to consider. James said that like controlling the tongue is a hard thing, taming the tongue is a hard thing, and we're gonna fail over and over and over again, but that doesn't mean that we just give up and indulge in our sinful nature. We want to say, how can I do this? So I think it'd be good to have some practical thoughts about how can I control my anger. And my first advice would be to recognize when you are in a situation where you're angry and walk away. Walk away. It doesn't need to be solved there and then. Yes, don't let the sun go down in your anger, but that doesn't mean that you need to get into an explosion of anger. If you are recognizing, like, I am losing my composure, so take a moment, go to God in prayer, listen to his word, return after you have prayed to God and listened to his word to continue. So often things that put people into a fit of rage, they recognize it wasn't that big of a deal. And if they would have taken that time to just talk to God in prayer and listen to his word, the conversation would have been completely different. So if you're if you use unclean language, if you explode in harsh words when you are angry, to address that root cause, which is the fit of rage, and how can I address that? And so often walking away, l bringing words to God and listening to His word is gonna be one of the biggest helps.

SPEAKER_01 43:50

I think one of the issues that we have often behind our fits of rage, our outbursts of anger is an ego. Um like you said, Time gives us an opportunity to reflect on the things that we said and did. And we can begin to realize it was often quite silly what we were mad about. And it's because it hurt our ego. People didn't care about something the way that we cared about it. People didn't notice my subtle or not so subtle signs of frustration and they kept working, anyways. Someone said something to me that indicated they didn't appreciate something that I did. And then it escalates and it builds on that. And often it is just ego behind it. So confess our sins before God and continue to study the scriptures. I think the scriptures, of course, are powerful and have a way of making us focus less on ourselves and more on God, which is going to help us with that ego problem. But in the time being, I think that practical advice of just removing yourself when you find yourself frustrated is probably a good route to go forward. This isn't a good time for me to talk about it. And if you're talking to someone and they said they're a little upset about something and they just want to remove themselves and talk about it later, respect their desire. If you're going to force the conversation on them, uh you are complicit in their sin. You forced it on them when they were requesting time to wait and think about it. And so I think that is a very good practical piece of advice for someone who feels like they give into this temptation to use foul language when they are angry and they're not thinking clearly. Um, so that that's certainly very solid advice. Uh, you mentioned Jesus and and his what he does for us. And I just wanted to rehighlight that quickly. Jesus is hanging on the cross, and and he has every right and in this proper sense to he could have said, damn them all to hell. He could have properly as God, but he doesn't. He says, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they're doing. What a beautiful example of that control over the tongue and him living in our place. He had every right to be angry at them. They're killing him, they're abusing him, they're mocking him, and he doesn't do that. He says, Father, forgive them. And so I think you highlighted some good points. Maybe one other point that I'd like to highlight with the idea of when we sin from anger, our our lack of care of others when we get angry and and forced, we we think about ourselves that ego is violated, then forces us to act in a way or moves us to act in a way that then causes harm to others. And I think that that can be another element of this. In our anger, we're harming others. When you're calling someone a really mean name, you're saying terrible things about them, that actually does hurt them. Like you said before, we say six and stones may break my bones, but uh words may never hurt me. That's just not true. Sometimes some of the most harmful things we can do to someone else is by saying something about them. You you know there's something there is that they're insecure about, so you say something about it. You you use this word that you know is going to shock them because you want to hurt them. And that anger, I think, leads us in a way that causes us to intentionally harm them with our words, knowing that it's going to dig a little deeper, it's going to cause pain. And so another reason why our words are not just indifferent, so often these words, this foul language spoken is used to harm others.

SPEAKER_00 47:52

Yeah. And as we recognize these situations, we might not always want to harm someone, but when we get into that emotional state, uh, then we just lash out and do things that hurt and harm them. My encouragement, uh, this is gonna sound new agey and and weird for someone to say, but get in touch with your emotions. So often people are just emoting, right? They're just reacting. But if we can have a better feel for how am I feeling? Why am I feeling this way? Uh, that will help us go forward. Like, I'm feeling sad. Why am I feeling sad? I'm feeling irritated. Why am I feeling irritated? And then always bringing those things back and connecting them to God's word and the promises that he gives. But that can help us in the moment where very many, very many of us Christians, like perhaps the times where we struggle with taming the tongue most, is in those times where we're having that emotional reaction. So being in tune with your emotions and how you can respond and anchor yourself in God's word in the midst of those will help with the language. I think it'd be proper to move to positive use of the tongue. So part of the taming of the tongue is using it for good and proper purposes. We thought of the second commandment where it says, but call upon God's name in every trouble, pray, praise, and give thanks. And so we recognize the power of God's word. So what we're gonna want to use is use that powerful word. We're gonna proclaim it to other people, sing God's praises. That's gonna be such an important use of our tongue.

SPEAKER_01 49:44

Yeah, as I think about proper use of the of the tongue, there's the obvious praying to God. So you're frustrated in traffic instead of dropping a four-letter word, pray to God and ask for God's blessings in your travel to move you to keep a clear head. You get in a car accident and you drop that language out of frustration. Well, rather bring it to God who can who can do something about it. That would be one obvious direction for me. You think of praising God. So you're you're using your language not to tear down others, but to praise the one who has given you all things. So instead of saying this, that, and the other thing uh about your neighbor, your spouse, your wife, whoever it might be, uh use your language to praise God in heaven. And then using your language also to proclaim God's love in the greatest way by proclaiming the good news, telling others about Jesus and what he has done. Those are very obvious ways that we can use our language as a blessing. But then maybe in another sense, and not as specifically a religious way, just using our language to build others up, to compliment instead of tearing down, give helpful guidance instead of hurtful critiques. We can use our language in proper ways and and very simply, very easily replace the foul language we might often resort to.

SPEAKER_00 51:20

Yeah, I think that's something that that's really important for us. So whatever is good, pure, honorable, noble think about these things. And I'd also say speak about these things. So often, those who are closest to us very infrequently hear compliments from us. So if we if we're using our tongue to critique them, if we're having fits of rage to really hurt them, but then they never hear nice things from us. So that'd be an encouragement. Use your use your word to build each other up. You have family member speak well of them and encourage them and say, hey, I noticed this, and what a wonderful thing. Praise God that He has worked that in your life. You have people that you work with to encourage them. So yeah, I think that's such an important thing for us to encourage work in circles where we maybe don't properly boast in the gifts that God has given to each other enough. And I think that's such a sad thing that we don't always feel comfortable pointing out to another person, say, look what the Lord is doing through that person. What an awesome thing. Or to tell them directly, like, look what God is doing through you and your work. Praise be to the Lord for the work that He does through you.

SPEAKER_01 52:45

Yeah, I wanted to connect with two thoughts there. One being deliberating calls, and and I won't speak about current calls, but as as a pastor deliberates calls, one thing that a pastor I think finds helpful is specific feedback. Because someone might hear a lot, like, well, we want you here. Why, why do you want us here? Why, why do you want my family here? Why do you want me here? Well, and it almost sounds like because you fill the position. Instead of providing specific feedback, it's just kind of like, well, we want you here. Well, why? And and it's helpful to receive that feedback of saying, Well, I think you're good at this, and I feel like you connect here. And this is why I think you are good for this position. Or to be honest, and and not really the focus of this, but you could give that feedback and say, here's some reasons, maybe that I I don't know if you're the best fit for this position. Um, but like you said, we live in a culture where people don't necessarily give compliments and feedback all that often. And I think pastors can feel that way from different conversations I've had with people because they just get kind of in that routine of you're preaching to the same people every single week, and it feels like maybe a lot of your work isn't going noticed or wherever it might be. So to pay compliments to someone and use specific feedback. What is it that you think the person is doing well? What is it that you appreciate about the person's work? So using your language to encourage others. But then I also think as a husband, it can be easy to speak very well of my wife to others, but not speak that same way to her. And so that would be an encouragement to to individuals, whether it's a husband and wife or whoever it might be. How do you speak about this person to others? And how do you talk to this person in conversation? And and to others, you'll probably, well, some people are like to complain about their significant other other to others, but I think, especially pastors and and Christians who are leaders in their congregations, they want to present their significant other well. They don't necessarily want to err about your dirty laundry. So my guess is they're probably speaking well of their spouse to others. If you have all these compliments that you'll say to others, well, well, say it, say it to your loved one to encourage them, to know, let them know that you love them through your through your words as well, to use that tongue to build up and not just to tear down.

SPEAKER_00 55:27

Yeah, I think that's such an important thing. So wrapping up the thoughts that we're sharing here is the words that we use are important. We as Christians want to strive to tame our tongues. It's a difficult task, especially when we're wrestling with our sinful nature. Especially as teachers within the church, that's going to be a goal of ours because we are ones who are called to share God's word with others and to use language that glorifies him and edifies others. But there's certainly room for all believers to think about this. We we recognize that the power of life and death is in the word, as the proverb says. So speak words that are not coarse, foolish, useless, sinful, but instead weigh our words well, use our words to praise God, to share his saving name, and then also to build up our fellow believers, to build up our family members, to encourage other people.