Cutting Close: One Last Haircut Before The Stag! EP.7

This week on Cutting Close, Josh Hughes and Caolan Carney-Slee switch things up as Josh sits in the chair and Caolan takes the clippers to give him a fresh trim.

In this episode, Josh leads the conversation, asking Caolan a quickfire round of questions about funny moments from his life—short stories from travels, random experiences, and other adventures.

As they chat, the boys also look back on some of their favourite moments from previous episodes, sharing behind-the-scenes stories that never made it to camera.

With Josh’s stag do just around the corner, they dive into the plans, expectations, and all the things that could go wrong before the big weekend.

The episode also brings back Client Confessions, as the boys dive into anonymous submissions, sharing their honest reactions, advice, and plenty of laughs. Whoever confessed this story, were still wondering why he told us!

It’s a fun, nostalgic episode full of barber shop banter, stag do talk, and the return of one of the podcast’s favourite segments.

Let us know your favourite moment from the episode and whether you’d like to see more Client Confessions in future episodes.

Listen on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3UeWfKPanOEfoAW49NPBAc

Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cutting-close-podcast/id1890005982

Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cuttingclosepodcast/

Follow on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@cuttingclosepod

Follow the hosts:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetourettesbarber/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pnky_barber/

YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@CuttingClosePod

📩 Contact: cuttingclosepod@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

So yeah, what's happening this week then, Joshua?

SPEAKER_06 0:02

We are going on my stag to Benadome on Thursday. I am absolutely buzzing. I am very apprehensive. And I just want to have the best time, man.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

Yeah, is it?

SPEAKER_06 0:12

It's got a lovely chocolate style on it.

SPEAKER_04 0:19

And Ryan's big head corner the lights.

SPEAKER_06 0:21

Oh, I'm chuffed, mate. Yeah, that looks great.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

Expose him! Expose him!

SPEAKER_05 0:38

Welcome back to Cut and Close with me, Josh Used AKA the Tourette's barber, and me calling on the specialish fellow that is cut and close to where we'll have real conversations, interesting guests, and we take nothing too seriously, and every conversation hits a little fucking close. Right, let's get into it. Let's do it. And if you want to support us on this pod, please like and subscribe wherever you're watching this.

SPEAKER_06 0:58

It fucking goes a long way for us, and we're gonna be trying. God loves to try. So welcome back to another episode of Cut and Close with me, Josh Hughes.

SPEAKER_04 1:06

Queen on Coney Slee, how long you've been with her?

SPEAKER_06 1:10

Honestly, this is a bit of a different one today. It's just us two, and I'm gonna get a haircut. A bit of a different format, but fuck it. Lovely stuff. I am desperate, and I'm really looking forward to this one. I'm quite excited.

SPEAKER_04 1:22

You shouldn't be. Kerplunk. Oh yeah. How you doing today, sir?

SPEAKER_06 1:34

That's a business. Um back off. Um, yeah, I'm good, bruv. How are you today, mate?

SPEAKER_04 1:39

I'm pretty good, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:40

Good. Well, obviously.

SPEAKER_04 1:43

This is a different episode. We've actually got um the tretz barber in the chair today.

SPEAKER_06 1:49

Don't often see this.

SPEAKER_04 1:50

And why is that, Josh?

SPEAKER_06 1:51

I don't like getting my hair cut. I've got to be honest. I really don't like getting my hair cut Queen on, mate.

SPEAKER_04 1:55

We didn't need a stop story, I was asking why you're getting a haircut.

SPEAKER_06 1:57

Oh, why am I getting a haircut? Why do I not often I took that as well? You're not often in the chair. I am in the chair today because we are going on my stag do in a couple of days. And I feel like I just need to get a haircut. So you can do the honours and take my hat off.

SPEAKER_04 2:13

Good Lord. Damn! Good Lord Almighty. Damn! God damn!

SPEAKER_06 2:20

I can't even see it, but to be honest, that's probably better for me.

SPEAKER_04 2:23

Put that mic away.

SPEAKER_06 2:25

So yeah, we are hitting. Don't don't get my mic wet. Hit me with your rhythm stick.

SPEAKER_04 2:31

Hit me hard. Hit me.

SPEAKER_06 2:35

Sorry, I'm worried about the wet. That's what she said. No one's ever been worried about you. Ow! Right. We're not gonna carry on like this. Gently. You're such a sensitive soul. I am, I don't like it. I don't do it often. Silence, Charles. Frigid girls.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

So that's mental. So uh what's happening this week then, Joshua?

SPEAKER_06 2:58

We are going on my stag to Benedome on Thursday. I am absolutely buzzing. I am very apprehensive. Should be. And I just want to have the best time, man. Uh obviously a lot of us lads, how many is that 10 or 11 of us sort of thing? Oh god. He's stuck in my earring. Juicy lobes. Right, go on. Free the load. And we've obviously got Ryan here. He is free-balling with his camera.

SPEAKER_04 3:25

And he also has one chargers on.

SPEAKER_06 3:28

Probably best. God, no, no, the kids feel no, I spray the kids with the water. Come on. Make it inappropriate this early on. But yeah, so we're going to Bedadome on Thursday, the day we're releasing this, so oh god. Yeah, I'm feeling really good about it. Obviously, as some of you know, my I'm having an FND flare-up, so my leg isn't working very well. Hasn't been for the past four or five weeks now. Um was hoping not hoping it would have been absolutely fine. Do you know what we're doing, by the way?

SPEAKER_04 4:03

Yeah, I know what we're doing. Yeah? Do you know what you're doing? Well, tell me what we're doing. We're gonna do a little pompadour mullet.

SPEAKER_06 4:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 4:10

Mullo Jeff. I'm a Jeff! With a little cheeky taper at the front. Yep. Um and we're gonna take a lot of weight out of the back of your hair because I do want to keep the length. Yeah, the length ain't gonna change, but you've got a flat head currently, mate.

SPEAKER_06 4:21

Um yeah, you don't need to remind me. I was definitely left on my back too much as a baby.

SPEAKER_04 4:25

There's nothing wrong with that though. Happens to the best of us.

SPEAKER_06 4:27

I just feel like I want to hear it.

SPEAKER_04 4:28

Yeah, so currently I'm just out here making your head moist.

SPEAKER_06 4:31

Um, getting ready for um how how are you feeling about the stag?

SPEAKER_04 4:35

Me, uh, I'm very excited. Uh I've actually booked you in for a tattoo.

SPEAKER_06 4:40

You've put me in for a tattoo out.

SPEAKER_04 4:41

We're getting you a little cheeky face tattoo, aren't we?

SPEAKER_06 4:43

Face one? Oh, is that why you did that on the chat the other day?

SPEAKER_04 4:45

Yeah, I scared your mother too.

SPEAKER_06 4:46

Quaylon put and did you do that? Was that AI or chat Jimmy too?

SPEAKER_04 4:49

No, so what happened is we were having dinner, me, your sister, Mia, and your mum. And then I I didn't get in by it, but yeah. You probably did, but you were probably too busy with your other influencer.

SPEAKER_06 4:58

I was not asked.

SPEAKER_04 4:59

Um and then we have a little bit of dinner, but spag ball, which I think is a terrible, terrible dinner, but it's okay. It was actually quite nice that night.

SPEAKER_06 5:04

Was it my mum's spag ball?

SPEAKER_04 5:05

No, it was Mia's.

SPEAKER_06 5:06

That's what shit.

SPEAKER_04 5:07

Excuse you, Mia. Sorry, Mia. Um, and then what did we do? Oh yeah, and then yeah, we were just talking about your stag. And you're I told your mum that I was gonna bring you to get a Mike Tyson face tattoo when you're battered.

SPEAKER_06 5:19

Honestly, he sent a picture of AI with me with the Mike Tyson fucking tattoo face tattoo. My mum, I've never seen her respond so quickly to a text. Not happy. She was not happy, she even said, I will what did she say? She'd lock me up and she said she'd lock you up and throw away the key. And no, actually, I won't throw it away, I'll eat it so you can never have it. I don't know what was going through her head.

SPEAKER_04 5:42

Uh users and eating things.

SPEAKER_06 5:44

But but I mean with the stag, just going back to that. Yeah. I'm a bit nervous because my legs are a bit fucked. Um obviously I'm using crutches.

SPEAKER_04 5:53

You're in the best place ever to use a mobility scooter.

SPEAKER_06 5:55

Well, this is it. So the boys have sorted out a mobility scooter. I don't know anything apart from the flight details and the actual location, but that is it. I know we've got a mobility scooter, and that is it, which I think I'd rather not know than know. But um yeah, there's 11 of us, and I think it's gonna be amazing. No, it's just gonna be do you know what as well? Like, but between us as a group of lads, I think we all need a break. Like, I think there's quite a few of us have been dealing with a lot of shit. Um, like we all are, but you know, just the the stresses of life, I'll say. But I think it'd be good. Uh good to get everyone together. And it's you know, basically it's just a holiday, really, isn't it? Let's be honest. I mean, I know it's about me and it's the stack dude, but when isn't it about me? Lovely windows. All airplane windows taste good. Condensation. Masturbation. Condensation. You can use the masturbation, you can use the condensation for masturbation. Oh, that's where it was going. Do you like that? Fuck off! Sorry. It's been ages since I've had a haircut. How do I look do I look a state right now? I feel like I do. Because we've got no mirror in here, so I I'm completely equal. Yeah. Yeah. Helen Mirrin.

SPEAKER_04 7:08

Um that's what a lot of people probably don't know, too, is actually this is the barber shop.

SPEAKER_06 7:11

Like I know. Yeah, this is uh this is the uh our Jersey Farm St Albans branch.

SPEAKER_04 7:16

It's a bit like the TARDIS in this bitch.

SPEAKER_06 7:17

It is. No one seems to realise this is actually our barber shop.

SPEAKER_04 7:20

But it is, and it's beautiful.

SPEAKER_06 7:22

Um sorry, Ryan. I think I deep throwed it. Do you? I don't want to look at it again. I will call you Shaq. Oh, I saw that. Oh, I thought my jaw was gonna go. Sorry, Quelong.

SPEAKER_04 7:39

It's alright, I don't need my fingers. You okay? I'm okay, yeah, until I lose the fucking the pinky. Your pinky? My pinky. Pinky barber. Yeah, I am.

SPEAKER_06 7:48

Oh god, I've got my lip caught on the mic and everything. Bit my mill bit bit bit me lip, bitch. I also want to reminisce. I also want to reminisce. Yeah. Some of our previous guests we've had on this pod.

SPEAKER_04 7:59

It's been quite an exciting month to be fair, I think.

SPEAKER_06 8:01

We've had we've had a really good, we've had some really good guests actually.

SPEAKER_04 8:04

Well, considering from where it started, where we are now, yeah. Both of us never actually sat down and chatted someone on camera like that. Well, you might have in the past.

SPEAKER_06 8:09

Yeah, but not not in this sort of format. Yeah. So, you know, I mean, obviously we had Rosie on first. Rosie was a photographer from LA. She was amazing. She's actually just had fuck.

SPEAKER_04 8:20

Was it her first exhibition? No, but I think it was the one that she was talking about, and the photos were pretty incredible.

SPEAKER_06 8:25

I I did I saw the exhibition, it looks mad. Um, and congrats to you, Rosie. That's amazing. Yes. Um, and obviously we had Tom Carriage on.

SPEAKER_04 8:33

And that was very exciting.

SPEAKER_06 8:34

Yeah, that was cool. That was that was really cool. Really cool talk talking to Tom. But Uncle Tom. Lovely fella, really nice fella, lovely lobes.

SPEAKER_04 8:42

Um that's also an interesting topic, is how you manage to somehow bring lobes into every well, mate.

SPEAKER_06 8:48

We we we literally look at lobes all day long. Like you.

SPEAKER_04 8:51

I mean, I'm not gonna lie to you Josh, I've never really sat there and looked at someone's lobe.

SPEAKER_06 8:54

No, nor have I.

SPEAKER_04 8:56

That's quite a roof. I haven't either.

SPEAKER_06 8:58

That's all you do, you dirty, dirty little man. But yeah, I think you know, talk to Tom was really like eye-open as well, and actually there was so many, like, there were so many crossovers in our industry, and obviously he's really big online for talking about the industry as well as his own businesses, but at the moment, what's his campaign he's doing? It's that's the problem. That's the problem. Which I signed the petition. Basically, it's trying to get re VAT reduced within businesses to help businesses grow um and survive because there's so many industries that are heavily affected by this. I just think it's a great campaign. As a small business owner myself, I think it's Seaman, David Seaman Double O Seaman. Um I think it's great because obviously, yeah, we want to get VAT reduced because it will just help us massively. It doesn't necessarily mean the customer will notice that, but I think the quality and everything within your business could be beneficial if you get that 20% back or at least a good chunk of it.

SPEAKER_04 9:59

And then I'll start getting paid a fair wage.

SPEAKER_06 10:02

No, you're fine as you are. Uh and then obviously, while we're reminiscing, talking about Evie last week.

SPEAKER_04 10:08

Yeah, that's that was a really good episode.

SPEAKER_06 10:09

That was a really great episode. I'm so glad we got Evie on and we made it work, especially within like Tourette's Awareness Month. I'm so chuffed about that. Um, and obviously she's an absolutely lovely girl, like all of our guests. But Well Tom. Well, he's a lovely girl as well. Alopecia. Sorry, mum. My mum does have alopecia, god bless her. Fuck you, Angela.

SPEAKER_04 10:30

Tom Carriage doesn't just realize that.

SPEAKER_06 10:31

Tom doesn't have, he is just the kind of person we don't want as a customer. Um, no hair, no beard. Turkey. Gobble, gobble. Um, no. Tom, you don't need turkey, but you might want to eat turkey.

SPEAKER_04 10:44

I think he probably has eaten quite a lot of turkey in his life. I'm sure he has. But yeah. But no, but I think overall it'd been quite a from where the podcast started to where we are now, obviously we're closing in on that first kind of segment of like the first eight episodes, really, no, which we're going to be set up to do at the start. It's definitely been a bit of a learning curve.

SPEAKER_06 11:00

It does, yeah. I mean, I'm sure you guys have probably seen that we've kind of evolved what we're doing and how we're trying to do it, and we really want to make it a good show for everyone to listen to. So it has been a learning curve for us. Uh like we said, this is episode seven. Um but and yeah, it has literally, it sounds mad, but in eight sorry, within seven episodes, we have learned so much. Yeah. I think even about each other. Like how we both work, the things I hate about you and your fat ass, your corny aris.

SPEAKER_04 11:30

Um Ryan lost his arrison battle.

SPEAKER_06 11:34

Oh, thank God. Not in those. But then obviously, yeah, it's been great to get to know Ryan, because obviously we knew Ryan before as a customer, but then uh at our other shop in Golf Soak, um, and also the connection with my brother-in-law Toby, you're really close friends. So it's been lovely doing that and just working it out. And I think for even for Ryan, this has been like a really big learning curve as well. What's he fucking doing behind me? He's being creepy, isn't he?

SPEAKER_04 11:57

Can't be creepy with a face like this.

SPEAKER_06 11:59

But yeah, I think it's I think it's been great. I've been I've really enjoyed it. I feel like we've grown.

SPEAKER_04 12:04

What have you enjoyed the most?

SPEAKER_06 12:05

What have I enjoyed the most? Sitting down with you every week. Oh shut up. And having a nice catch up.

SPEAKER_04 12:12

Head dine, please, please. Head dine, thank you. Head done! Yeah, it has been fun. Um yeah, it's been great crack. I mean, it's not something I ever thought I wanted to do, sit in front of a camera and chat shit, but it has been a bit of crack. And it's been cool to talk to people.

SPEAKER_06 12:24

Well, it's funny that I really I think back now. So what's what what what month are we in? We're like mid-like early mid-June.

unknown 12:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 12:30

So this idea was a little nugget of an idea. Was that November? It was November.

SPEAKER_04 12:36

When we first discussed it.

SPEAKER_06 12:37

Well, I woke up at like 2 3am with this idea of me and you co-hosting a podcast together. Sorry, mate. And um I remember like had to get up and I just wanted to write a few things down and I asked ChatGBT a few things on like ideas and stuff, and and then I as soon as I it was like the right time, I could call you like half seven, eight o'clock in the morning.

SPEAKER_04 12:59

And I was having a bad few days because Hopper and my dog was very sick.

SPEAKER_06 13:02

Oh, God bless him, yeah. So but what was the weird thing? You were up at that time when I was up at 2am. I was so we could have we could have discussed there and then, but obviously how was I to know he was gonna be up? But yeah, and then obviously took Christmas, and then come like January, February, we really got the ball rolling, and then kind of March we started filming.

SPEAKER_04 13:20

So it is a bit crazy how it's kind of gone from a nugget of an idea to this, but and it's amazing how Ryan has become a lover of the podcast too now. Yeah, not just a worry.

SPEAKER_06 13:30

I also think it's nice that we're comfortable enough to call Ryan a prick to his face.

SPEAKER_04 13:33

He's just so pretty. It's that it's it's his family line. It's his family line. Yeah, they're wonderful humans.

SPEAKER_06 13:40

They are wonderful humans and very milfy. Sorry. That's Queen. I'm putting it in my head and I'll put it in your mum's ass. That's what I'll do to her. I'm so sorry, Ryan. I'm so sorry. Should we just cut? Okay, fine. What's your mum's name again? No, it doesn't matter. I'm sorry, Mrs. Hardwick, but you do make me hard and he gets my wick. I'm so sorry with absolute utmost respect. I don't even have an image of what you look like. So, anywho. Um, because obviously I'm not saying that it's because I'm calling her a MILF. I have to have to understand who I'm talking about. You need to bring it up. Well, I was just winding my Oh, you need to rein it in.

SPEAKER_04 14:30

I've got to cut the sides of your hair. Now you've messed up my pattern.

SPEAKER_06 14:33

I'll fucking mess you up, partner. Jesus Christ. I'm feeling exhausted already. We've barely become You're doing nothing, you're sitting there. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. You're draining, mate. Jesus Christ. I have to say though, there's not many people I genuinely would trust to cut my hair, especially I think that's what's made me good at being a barber is the fact that I don't particularly like getting my hair cut. So when it comes to kids that don't like getting their hair cut, I get it. I think it's deep rooted in me.

SPEAKER_04 15:00

A lot of things are yeah.

SPEAKER_06 15:02

Yeah, just watching.

SPEAKER_04 15:02

No, I didn't say anything.

SPEAKER_06 15:04

You you have got a dirty old mind today. I know my Terez is always dirty, but you are dirty today. Honestly. Dirty bastard.

SPEAKER_04 15:12

Yeah, but not yeah. Anyway.

SPEAKER_06 15:15

Are you gonna keep it together?

SPEAKER_04 15:16

I'm Together is my middle name. Um we should continue on.

SPEAKER_06 15:21

Um, but I'm just saying there's not many people I trust to cut my hair. Oh yeah. Especially for a big event like a Stagdo, which I probably there's probably not gonna be that many pictures if I'm being honest, but oh don't you worry, there'll be lots of footage. I've got a GoPro strapped to my head for the whole week, so I did say you're gonna have to get some some for us just to put this in. Like we'll what we try and do is send some over to Ryan or some clips of it so you can see what's going on with us as well out there in little Benedome of me and my mobility scooter. I'm definitely gonna fit in. But yeah, 100%. I can't lie. Again, we brought this up in the last episode, and I've done a few videos of it on my own platform. I pair out the British Airways flight with Little Mason. Uh I can't lie, I've flown plenty of times with Tourette's, but I am nervous. I don't know why I'm so nervous, but I think it's just because now, seeing it happened to Little Mason and his family, it's made me realise that actually it's possible it can happen. So, I mean, I know I've got all my boys there, I've got all my support and that, but which is fine. But again, at the end of the day, not saying that they don't understand, because of course they do this. My my mates are really understanding my Tourettes, but it's not happening to them, it's happening to me when it comes to like say embarrassment or anything like that. So fuck it is difficult to kind of get that comprehension of of how that feels over to someone else. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 16:41

No, 100%. It makes sense to be nervous, especially if everything's gone on in the media the last couple of weeks with certain people who've made some interesting and wrong claims about everything that's happening.

SPEAKER_06 16:51

Fuck you, Katie Hopkins, you no good cunt. We're keeping that in, I don't care. Um we can at her as well. I've actually sent her a lovely message to ask her to come on this lovely pod. So I'm still waiting for the response. For some reason, I highly doubt that. No, she's a fucking clickbaiter, she can come in and back herself if she wants. I just honestly, we I'm not gonna I don't even want to talk about her. No, I don't even want to talk about her anymore, but I will. I just think fair enough you got your opinion on Tourette's and his disability, but don't bring his weight into it, you fucking horrible, horrible, vile person. I just couldn't that when I saw that for the first time, it I genuinely it took my breath away in the shock of I know she's opinionated, but then that's damn right nasty. I just couldn't understand it. And he's such a lovely little lad with such and he articulates himself well. If you haven't already seen it on my profile to Threats Barber, I've interviewed him in the chair, and it's really he speaks really well for on his situation. Fuck off. Fuck off.

SPEAKER_04 17:53

But yeah. Well yeah. We'll get onto that again at some point.

SPEAKER_06 17:56

Yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_04 17:57

But no, I can understand the nervousness around it, but we'll get there, it'll be grand, we'll have a bit of crack, it'll be fun.

SPEAKER_06 18:02

I think she should move to India. I have I do you know what, Quelon, um, since last week as well, because I feel like you were really interviewing me and Evie last week, which I really appreciated. Um but I wanted to interview I wanted to ask you some questions. Oh god. Um first I thought you were putting your bags to me then. Don't you worry. What would you say is the most Irish thing about you?

SPEAKER_04 18:30

My love of your mum. Yeah, well that's true, yeah. Mammy is very Irish. She is. Uh and I'd say my love of spods and Guinness. Yeah, you know. I'm a bit of a walk and stereotype.

SPEAKER_06 18:41

You are a bit of a stereotype with that, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:42

Yeah, because it is the two best things in the world.

unknown 18:45

I love Guinness.

SPEAKER_06 18:46

I'd also say your name. Well, my name, yeah, Keelan couldn't be uh I mean it's not even that common in Ireland, let alone anywhere else.

SPEAKER_04 18:52

Well, there's like a lot of different variations of my name. Like my cousin's called Keelan, and like that's like female-y kind of version. But then there's lads called Keelan too, so yeah. I don't know, but Guinness spuds, I love both. Um however.

SPEAKER_06 19:04

What's your favourite type of spud? That's a big question.

SPEAKER_04 19:08

Jesus Christ. I'd say roasty is my least favourite. Roasties? Yeah, I think they're all roasted.

SPEAKER_06 19:13

I don't like roast.

SPEAKER_04 19:13

A good roasty is obviously great, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_06 19:15

But overall I think it's unmatched when you get a good one. I don't like your levery ones that have been left out in the past too long. Hey Tom, we don't like then do we, Mr. Kerrige?

SPEAKER_04 19:24

No, we don't. You chevy prick. I think Mash is underrated. Mash is great, mate. Mash. Yeah, mash is good. But I will say about Guinness Guinness is not a summer drink.

SPEAKER_06 19:36

Mash tag braided. He tastes like smelly onions. What was that noise that came from? How about here? How about here?

SPEAKER_04 19:46

You shut your fucking mouth.

SPEAKER_06 19:47

Who talks to you now? Ryan. Oh, I can't see.

SPEAKER_04 19:49

You don't even look. You don't want to see what's going on.

SPEAKER_06 19:52

So look, yeah, back to the biggest.

SPEAKER_04 19:54

Uh I don't know if it's controversial or not, but I don't think Guinness is I drink Guinness strictly in winter months.

SPEAKER_06 19:59

Yeah, you're yeah, you're seasonal Guinness drinking.

SPEAKER_04 20:01

Yeah, I don't think Guinness should be drank in the heat of the summer.

SPEAKER_06 20:03

What's your go-to then? Lago?

SPEAKER_04 20:05

Oh, I've got to love a beer.

SPEAKER_06 20:06

He does love a beer.

SPEAKER_04 20:07

Yes, yeah, I do love a beer. But see, I don't drink spirits, so that's kind of why I drink beer. I don't see the point in going to the pub to drink spirits because I don't like it.

SPEAKER_06 20:14

Okay. Very um very good answer. I've got another I've got I've got a few questions. I'll take a bit of a quick fire around for you, I suppose. What's the weirdest thing you've Googled at 2 a.m.? Jesus. Uh Quinn Oliver's not prepared for these questions. I wanted to catch a bit.

SPEAKER_04 20:28

The weirdest thing I've Googled at.

SPEAKER_06 20:29

Because I know how your brain works. There's got to be some weird shit. Not even crude or sexual, but more like just straight up weird. Bloody Christ in the high heavens. Um should we free Palestine question mark?

SPEAKER_04 20:40

Oh, you're damn right we should. You shouldn't have said that to me. Not too. Weirdest thing I've Googled. I don't know, man. Probably health conditions. I'm pretty bad for that.

SPEAKER_06 20:50

Yeah, you are a little bit of a hypochondriac with that, aren't you?

SPEAKER_04 20:53

I think it runs through the family to be fair. Yeah, but I'm one of them special ones that annoys me, your sister. Because I will sit there and Google things that are wrong with me, but I'll refuse to go to the doctor to get it.

SPEAKER_06 21:00

What does it mean when you have blood in your stool?

SPEAKER_04 21:03

Not good. I can tell you that for a fact. Yeah. Based on last Friday night, I bet you can't tell me. Was it Clary, was it? Oh god. Uh that was bad. Yeah, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. Most weird things I Google is things that's probably wrong with me without actually going to get them checked.

SPEAKER_06 21:17

Right, yeah. Because what was the longest period of time you went you went without going to the doctors?

SPEAKER_04 21:22

Ten years. Until last year.

SPEAKER_06 21:23

Ten years, ma'am.

SPEAKER_04 21:25

I don't believe in that.

SPEAKER_06 21:26

Who does that? What about dentist?

SPEAKER_04 21:28

Oh Jesus. She won't talk about the dentist. I've actually inquired about going to the dentist as soon as I'm going to do that.

SPEAKER_06 21:33

Yeah, because I think Mia's basically forced you, hasn't she?

SPEAKER_04 21:35

Yeah, but the more you force me, the higher the chance I won't do it.

SPEAKER_06 21:37

Yeah, well that's just a typical man's attitude, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 21:39

Yeah. I don't know, that's how I won't mention the dentist 'cause my mother will get very, very upset.

SPEAKER_06 21:44

Well no, we'll tell her. No, you won't tell her. Barbara, he hasn't been going. I have, Mammy. No, he hasn't. Yes, I have, Mammy. No, he hasn't. I've got new trainers. They're awful. I like them. Whose trainers are better? Air Force Ones, apparently apparently Air Force Ones are considered the dad's shoe now. Nah. I don't think so, mate. No, I've seen it. I've seen it multiple times. Apparently the kids don't wear them now. Apart from slags from Harlow. Jesus, I'm so sorry, Harlow. And to the slags.

SPEAKER_04 22:08

I'm not a big fan of Harlow, but um I like Jack.

SPEAKER_06 22:12

Jack Harlow. That's good. Yeah, Lucy'd love that. Also picked up the wedding rings this week. Oh, exciting. We've got them. Yes, we've used the fuck! Because me and Lucy are getting married in September. So we're trying to get things sorted. Yeah. And yeah, got the rings this week. It felt really weird to pick them up and not just put it on.

SPEAKER_04 22:31

Are they pretty rings?

SPEAKER_06 22:32

They're gorgeous. Can't lie. Her ring is lovely. Like great love, man. Ha! I don't need any encouragement. It's got a lovely chocolate star on it.

SPEAKER_05 22:50

Oh, sorry, Luz. How long have you been with her? 14 years.

SPEAKER_06 22:58

This is definitely more of a funny podcast. So yeah, we um yeah, we picked up the rings. Lucy's wedding ring is lovely. Um if you want to check it out, I think it's on her profile on TikTok. She's posted a little video of it because it does look nice. She's gone for a little diamond checkerboard effect on top. And then mine is just like a nice gold band. But what I think is really special, rather than engraving it saying, like, you know, our wedding date or like I love you or anything, we actually got engraved our fingerprints on the inside. So mine's on hers and hers is on mine, which is just yeah, just a little bit different and really sweet, even though you don't see it, but you just know it's there.

SPEAKER_04 23:30

It's beautiful, though, isn't it?

SPEAKER_06 23:31

So she's always touching me. Ryan's making some funny noise of example. It sounds like an injured dog.

SPEAKER_05 23:39

Looks like one too.

SPEAKER_06 23:41

So I feel like I've been hemorrhaging money.

SPEAKER_05 23:43

But apart from that. You've got too much for it is the issue, isn't it?

SPEAKER_06 23:46

I wish it was that. I wish there was the issue. Paying Ryan too much money for us to have money. He turns up in a new car every week and more equipment. That's not nice. No, that's not. Yeah. Give him a hug. No, he hasn't got a new car. You might come on setting his lap. Can I give you a hug?

unknown 24:03

HR.

SPEAKER_06 24:04

We are HR. I am. I'm Catherine. Catherine, Catherine Ryan. Lovely tits.

SPEAKER_04 24:10

I think my teacher in school was called Catherine Ryan.

SPEAKER_06 24:12

Really? Yeah, anyway. I do really like listening to it.

SPEAKER_04 24:16

Yeah, fuck it. It was. Who cares?

SPEAKER_06 24:18

Majulie.

SPEAKER_04 24:19

Majulie. But yeah.

SPEAKER_06 24:21

Fuck you.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

So I was gonna say, actually, Benedorm, Thursday, the start of the World Cup, mate. I think we have to find a barrier, even though I know you're gonna be.

SPEAKER_06 24:28

Yeah, but who's playing who's the first game?

SPEAKER_04 24:30

Mexico, South Africa.

SPEAKER_06 24:31

To be honest, I am so we're going from Thursday to Sunday, and I'm so glad there isn't an England game on.

SPEAKER_04 24:36

No, we get back and then it starts, isn't it?

SPEAKER_06 24:38

That's I'm buzzing about that because I am a little bit worried about Brits abroad watching football, especially someone like Benedorm.

SPEAKER_04 24:44

Yeah, it's definitely gonna be interesting. I'll be back. To get some seesaw spray. Oh that's the carny artist. It's a miracle. You look better already.

SPEAKER_06 24:59

Do I?

SPEAKER_04 24:59

Oh fuck, that's cologne. Joking.

SPEAKER_06 25:03

Don't spray me with that.

SPEAKER_04 25:05

That's what she said.

SPEAKER_06 25:06

Shall I ask you another question, Quay Long?

SPEAKER_04 25:08

Yeah, come on. Fire ahead.

SPEAKER_06 25:10

Fire your face. What is the longest? Oh god. What is the longest amount of time you've worn the same pair of underwear for? Oh. Oh. Because I reckon you know, on your travels and shit, I reckon you've you've I reckon in Vietnam I did a solid four days.

SPEAKER_04 25:26

Is that it? I reckon you're longer, man. What are you saying? I wash daily, mate.

SPEAKER_06 25:29

You might wash, but I can guarantee you all the same ones for ages.

SPEAKER_04 25:32

Four days? Yeah, I reckon it's solid four days.

SPEAKER_06 25:34

Was that was that was that was that like taking them off and flipping them inside out?

SPEAKER_04 25:37

It's humid out there, if you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_06 25:38

Yeah, sweaty. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 25:41

Do you do the front to back? Then inside out. I don't I don't believe in that.

SPEAKER_04 25:44

It brings a whole new meaning to shit's creek. No, I don't believe in that, Ryan. Sweaty crack. Um yeah, I reckon a good four days. Wow. I could probably remember the time. It's lovely.

SPEAKER_06 25:53

It's a good time. I mean, if I'm asking myself that question, it's really not that long.

SPEAKER_04 25:57

Oh maybe you go on days without showering. You come into work in the mornings and spread your control of yourself and call that a shower, so that's not true.

SPEAKER_06 26:03

Call that a shower. You're trying to try to expose me or something. I never smell bad. I if anything, I'm more harsh on myself than smelling bad. What are you fucking doing? You give me a side iron. So I I actually thought a good question while you're doing my hair as well, Queelan Brav. Yeah. Quelan Brav? Queelam Bravo!

SPEAKER_00 26:25

Fuck.

SPEAKER_05 26:27

What's the worst haircut you've ever had?

SPEAKER_04 26:29

Oh, I had a really bad one. You've had loads of bad ones. Yeah, but a lot of them might make it look good. This one was bad. It was actually in uh none of them look good. So I I grew my hair out back when I lived in Griffith in the back of our snow. It was in uh Australia. Pictures will be in here. Oh god, there actually is photos, it was really bad. Uh so I grew my hair out. It was probably similar to your length. Um Difference and stuff.

SPEAKER_02 26:50

Long legged Mac Daddy.

SPEAKER_04 26:51

That's me. Uh and then I went to this guy, he was actually a very nice guy, this Maori guy in this town. There's only a thousand people there. Uh, and he butchered me. Do you remember the guy with bale haircut? Where he's like shave up to there. I asked for a trim, kind of what you've done.

SPEAKER_06 27:03

Right.

SPEAKER_04 27:04

And he's taken the fucking off me. And genuinely, I think that was probably when I decided I should become a barber because I can't allow that to happen again. Really? Do you reckon that she is that much? Yeah, it's probably around that time. That's interesting. And then I remember you gave me a trim once, Jesus. Why are you lying for? Why are you lying? Why are you on a lie? Speaking of interesting things that are coming up, the World Cup is beginning. And I know because you're such a big footballing man. It's coming home. It's not coming on, please, Peter Jesus. Football's coming home. Come on, Ghana. Um, yeah, I want to see, based on what you do know, some early predictions that you think might win it, because we can look back at this in a month's time and see were you correct or incorrect.

SPEAKER_06 27:44

So, I mean, obviously straight off the bat, you want to say there's Brazil and Portugal are up there, but also then you've got Germany and also Italy have been on a good couple of what? Italy haven't qualified. They haven't qualified, well fuck. Ciao! Bye bye! Yes, continue. Um okay, Italy haven't qualified, that shows me. Look at me, I was fucking I was talking like I knew what I was talking about.

SPEAKER_03 28:12

You're qualified.

SPEAKER_06 28:12

No, I mean, yeah, I do think obviously Portugal and and Brazil look great. Germany, I think, are little sneaky little fuckers. They always have been, always will be.

SPEAKER_04 28:19

They're in charge of your country now, isn't it?

SPEAKER_06 28:23

Sorry. In charge of my country, watch it. Um yeah, I don't know how we're gonna get on. I think obviously the lineup for England is a bit different to what we've seen before. Uh a bit different to what we a lot of us were expecting. But I think the boys will do good. I hope we do well, I hope everyone has fun out there. Also, actually, I don't know if you've seen it, I will mention them and give them a little shout out because they're doing it for a great cause. Um, for any of you that know Woody and Kleiny, uh, they are massive like um YouTubers, influencers, whatever you want to call them, uh social media stars, I suppose, with billions of streams, and they do like a lot of football stuff, but also they do a lot of they used they started on they started out doing like tricks and stuff. Anyway, they are doing a tour of all the games across the US and Mexico and they're streaming it 24-7.

SPEAKER_04 29:09

Have you seen Yes?

SPEAKER_05 29:13

I can't wait. They are streaming 20.

SPEAKER_06 29:15

Are you taking the piss?

SPEAKER_05 29:16

I mean, he said, right?

SPEAKER_06 29:18

Saki Barcer today, Michael. Um but yeah, they're doing it. They're doing like a 24-7 stream the whole time, and I it's it's just it's pretty.

SPEAKER_04 29:27

Oh, the 24-7 stream.

SPEAKER_06 29:29

24-7, they're not stopping. They've got a they've got an RV or a big like Torbar.

SPEAKER_04 29:33

I've seen the advert kind of shit for it.

SPEAKER_06 29:34

But they're doing it for prostate cancer, which is incredible, and I think they're tagged up, they're teamed up with um talk sport as well.

SPEAKER_04 29:39

That's cool.

SPEAKER_06 29:40

So that'd be cool to see how they get on, but God, that's gotta be fucking draining at the same time, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 29:46

Uh I think most people would do it for a job, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 29:49

Oh, I mean, I wouldn't like to I mean why not?

SPEAKER_04 29:51

I'd be gassed.

SPEAKER_06 29:52

I've done we've done I've done a little bit of work with them before and they're lovely guys, so yeah, wish them well, and yeah, what up for doing it for a good cause.

SPEAKER_04 29:58

Fair play, boy's. Yeah, I reckon Norway, Norway gonna win the whole fucking game. Well no, but that's my underdog card.

SPEAKER_06 30:05

See, this is the thing, Quelon gives it all the fucking berry, because he he he is English.

SPEAKER_04 30:09

I'm not.

SPEAKER_06 30:10

He is English. Where were you born?

SPEAKER_04 30:12

Highbury and Island.

SPEAKER_06 30:15

Exactly. So he was born here, but he's gone back and he just basically got the accent and then came back here. So but he doesn't like to support England.

SPEAKER_04 30:22

Never.

SPEAKER_06 30:22

Which is fine, but if you really believe that Ireland is your country, you'll never see them win anything.

SPEAKER_04 30:27

I've been radicalised. It's really hard to cut um the taper, but I think I've done a half decent job.

SPEAKER_06 30:36

What do we think, chat?

SPEAKER_04 30:37

It's hard to do it with But bringing this back now, because something we did in the early episodes, um, which I thoroughly enjoyed, and actually a lot of our clients and people who did watch commented they enjoyed was the embarrassing stories segments.

SPEAKER_06 30:50

Embarrassing stories, I forgot we had that.

SPEAKER_04 30:52

We've actually we struggled to get through the last few weeks with all the guests and stuff to actually get them bits out. But we did get one sent today, and actually, this is probably the first one that we've listened to. Actually, the first one we haven't listened to.

SPEAKER_06 31:01

Well, you haven't listened to it at all, so we have no idea.

SPEAKER_04 31:03

And from what we gather from producer Reinhardt Wick, I should give you all name out there.

SPEAKER_06 31:08

Hard dick. Did you get that from school? Soft veg. Master done, yeah. Ironically, it's soft. Soft vagina. Sorry, Def Ryan. Sorry, mum. Um have we got who sent it to who? Did you put it?

SPEAKER_04 31:26

Uh yeah, because the one today gathered from what he said, I can't tell how bad it is or how good it is, but I'm quite looking forward to listening to it, and I think that could be our next little segment.

SPEAKER_06 31:37

Okay, I'm I'm up for that. We we'll listen and go from there.

SPEAKER_04 31:40

Again, we have no idea what it is. Yeah, we've no backstory whatsoever to this one. Um and yeah, to be fair, anybody who is doing or doing who's doing our podcast, anybody who's watching our podcast uh and has any funny stories anonymous, please let us know because I mean I thoroughly enjoy listening to people embarrass themselves.

SPEAKER_06 31:56

So Okay, let's play it.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

So this happened a couple of years ago, uh back when I first started. So this happened a couple of years ago, uh, back when I first started in uni. Fresh was fresh as week, very first week, first couple weeks in uni. It was uh a really cool thing, Matt Spark rule. Well obviously it's gonna go off. Um pretty much bars I'm pretty saying. Um he gave me shots. I don't know why it's the first thing. Um ten of them I'll say these things. And we're having a great time. And then we went down to this club and as we get to the club, I was just I was making absolutely fool myself, like just pissing off everyone. Um and I was on the on the door thinking, oh shit. So I uh sorry, sorry, I'm gonna have to die. I can't I can't open it anymore. Uh sorry. I think it's I think it's shit. I think I need I think I need to fro. And then I'll turn around. I'll think. Then all of a sudden he bang bang bang. I'm thinking oh what's that? Um thinking, oh my god, go away. Then all of a sudden, bang, bang, bang. I was thinking oh shit. And then I look back, and then as I look back, the bounces kicked the door down, I'm thinking, oh for fuck's sake. Not realising still that my trousers are down my ankles, I'm on all fours. Oh my god, the staff is just facing the door has just been kicked down. Bounce has looked at me, about 20 people with their phones out, all my fucking mass pressure scores going, no, so now my whole mass power seen my arsehole on the first two weeks of being there, got dragged out of the club, still couldn't even let me bring my fucking trousers down, so my ankles go through the club. I'm thinking, oh, for fuck's sake, well I'm not gonna be very popular at mass my mascot.

SPEAKER_04 35:18

That is fucked.

SPEAKER_06 35:20

Thank you, Anonymous. That was great. I mean, Jesus, Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_04 35:24

Um I thought he was about to say he's gonna shit all over the bouncer.

SPEAKER_06 35:27

I thought as well, I thought that was coming, but thank god it didn't, but Jesus got picked up as well. He got picked up with his trousers still down.

SPEAKER_00 35:34

No, it's a way.

SPEAKER_06 35:36

And also, so we don't know who this is, obviously, but did you say this was also called into an Australian radio show? Honestly, I want to see their reactions as well, but honestly. Well we'll have to have a look at that after as well, because that is absolutely I can't lie, I've been in the position before similarly where you need to be sick, but then having your legs round your ankles whilst on all fours in a public toilet, I don't care how drunk you are, that is just stupid and rogue.

SPEAKER_04 35:59

Yeah, but he has just drank fucking how many shots of whatever he's drank, some random guy.

SPEAKER_06 36:04

Yeah, of course. It obviously all goes out the window, doesn't it? But have you ever been have you ever been in a situation similar? I've shit myself and been pulled out of a nightclub, I don't think. Oh, you didn't shit myself. Well I've been pulled out of a nightclub before, but not for shitting myself.

SPEAKER_04 36:17

I mean put out I don't even think I've been pulled out of a nightclub. I don't really like nightclubs.

SPEAKER_06 36:21

No, I don't like nightclubs either. If anything, when I got pulled out, I was quite happy about it.

SPEAKER_04 36:24

Yeah, I bet you were. Um no, nothing like that. I don't think probably kicked out of pubs, I've definitely been at some point.

SPEAKER_06 36:30

Oh yeah, I mean that's pretty standard for a Brit or an Englishman.

SPEAKER_04 36:33

Yeah, free lot.

SPEAKER_06 36:34

Um touch me there. That is my no no square.

SPEAKER_04 36:44

Your nono square?

SPEAKER_06 36:46

Sorry, that's a a tick I picked up from Uncle Ticks. Jesus.

SPEAKER_04 36:50

Uh no, I haven't had any situations like that before, but that is absolutely fucking mental.

SPEAKER_06 36:53

Yeah, that is crazy.

SPEAKER_04 36:54

That's definitely up there is one of the better ones we've had so far. Actually, you know what I realised. Every embarrassing story that a man sends in is them shitting themselves. Well, I mean, is that there must be an issue in this.

SPEAKER_06 37:03

Well, I think it's also one of the most embarrassing things you can do as a man. Not as a man, but you're like as a as a man for an embarrassing story, that's probably a go-to because you've all done it, so I can't see.

SPEAKER_04 37:12

Yeah, okay. Um I have no idea. Oh, I don't really know myself, to be honest.

SPEAKER_06 37:17

I don't think you know or nor care.

SPEAKER_04 37:19

No, it looks good. Ish. Taper's probably not as high as you wanted, but it's impossible to do with the situation or in the city.

SPEAKER_06 37:23

No, a cut situation what?

SPEAKER_04 37:25

Well, trying to cut your hair with minimalizing. Yeah. And Ryan's big fuck off head. Look at that 24-7.

SPEAKER_06 37:32

No, you got a nice head of hair. Very lovely moolet. One thing I did want to talk about is obviously so we are episode seven with this one. Oh, fuck, fuck you. And just seven. Halper seven. Um sorry, Gil. Um we have got one more episode before we're gonna take a little break. So the next next episode we've got. We've got a very exciting guest. Fingers crossed. Please be to Jesus, no, I haven't. Praise be. Um blessed be the fruit. Um, yeah, we've got a big guest coming on to kind of finish off. We're gonna we're calling this start our first series, so we've done eight, and then we might take a little break for like a month, two months, and we're gonna come back. You know, we want to make sure, because now, like we said before, we've learned so much, we want to make sure we're I think we've realised we quite enjoy having guests on, too. Yeah, guests works well.

SPEAKER_04 38:20

But it's fun doing these ones because we have a bit of crack and it's very relaxed.

SPEAKER_06 38:23

This is just us being silly, isn't it?

SPEAKER_04 38:24

Yeah, but these are more of the ones that you can just see us being idiots.

SPEAKER_06 38:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:27

But I've I that's the one thing I've taken away is the guests and actually talking to people you don't usually get to talk to.

SPEAKER_06 38:31

Well that's it, and I think we realise actually that we we are trying to find people that are one really interesting, good people, you want to celebrate them and talk about them really as well. And some crossovers between our lives, you know, so that's the whole point. So when it comes to the second series we want to do, um if Ryan's up to it.

SPEAKER_04 38:49

Yeah, and if anyone has any people they'd like to see who we could actually get, yeah. Like don't be competing Tom Cruise because Josh thinks he's famous, but Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_06 38:56

Um well fuck Tom and his cruise.

SPEAKER_04 38:58

Um yeah, if it's anyone you want to see on the pod next season, it doesn't need to be famous either, it could just be anyone who's got an interesting story, sit down in the chat.

SPEAKER_06 39:06

Like I think as well, especially like you know, we spoke to Evie Megan, I know she's obviously got Tourette's, and obviously that was uh fuck quite complimentary being Tourette's awareness month and because of me with Tourette's. But you know, I I do want to highlight any and all conditions of people that have to do with like, you know, whether it's neurological, whether it's physical, whatever. I think it's just a really like we said, as long as they've got a great story and I think we're up for anything, you know. Body blue, see you next week. That's the next guest. Um I'm trying to focus on yeah still at the same time.

SPEAKER_04 39:44

Well yeah, I'm gonna dry this bad boy down. So I'll cue the sexy music.

SPEAKER_06 39:56

Ooooooooh okay. Yeah, he actually listened. That's exactly what I was going for, bruv.

SPEAKER_04 40:02

I know it was.

SPEAKER_06 40:03

Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're quite good at this, isn't you? Oh, I'm actually Queen on, can I be honest with you? Yeah. I didn't think you'd smash it. I am chuffed. I'm glad. That's exactly what I was that's exactly what I asked for. Bear in mind I couldn't see the whole fucking time.

SPEAKER_04 40:19

I couldn't see. I had Ryan's big head covering the lights.

SPEAKER_06 40:21

Oh, I'm chuffed, mate. Yeah, that looks great.

SPEAKER_02 40:26

Expose him! Expose him! Mullet man!

SPEAKER_06 40:40

Oh Jesus.

SPEAKER_04 40:40

Alright, well I think that's when we're gonna wrap it up. It's been a bit of a mental one, bit different, bit fun, a bit weird.

SPEAKER_06 40:46

We are going back to our usual format of having a lovely guest on, so stay tuned. It'll be a couple of weeks, we'll see you then. Fuck off.