In The Phipps of It

Keep Marriage Fun!

Natasha and Rodney Phipps Season 1 Episode 6

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Marriage doesn’t have to turn into a running joke, a permission slip, or a scoreboard. We’re Natasha and Rodney Phipps, and we’re sharing the real reasons our relationship feels lighter and more fun now than it did years ago, even with two kids and a life where we work together almost every day. If you’ve ever wondered why some couples seem to genuinely like each other, this conversation is our honest look at the habits that keep that spark alive.

We dig into the marriage cliches that quietly poison connection: “boys night” as an escape plan, the idea that you’re trapped at home, and the subtle control that shows up when partners have to ask permission. For us, the shift is simple but powerful: communicate, coordinate, and respect each other as adults. When something stings, we talk about why. Triggers and insecurities happen, but they’re a signal to understand each other better, not a reason to clamp down.

We also talk about transactional relationships and why keeping score kills romance. Thoughtful gestures like flowers aren’t about holidays or rewards, they’re about intention and making your partner feel chosen. From parenting without “babysitting” language to rejecting a rigid 50/50 mindset, we share what helps us stay on the same team. We close with a big belief: working on your marriage doesn’t mean it’s failing, it means it matters.

If this resonates, subscribe, share this with someone who needs a reset, and leave a review with the one relationship rule you think more couples should follow.

SPEAKER_00

Built this empire from the ground. Never backing down. Never bound.

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Two hearts, one vision, we stay true. In the fig of it. In the fips of it.

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Welcome

Welcome And Why Marriage Should Be Fun

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to In the Fips of It. I'm Natasha Phipps.

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And I'm Rodney Phipps.

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Welcome to our podcast.

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We're here to talk about life, love, a pursuit of authentic happiness.

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We are married, we work together, we're parents to two amazing kids, and we hope you enjoy the show. Back for another episode.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Happy to be here.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. It'd be fun for us to talk about marriage in the sense of, you know, how can we keep it fun, keeping it light, and having more fun together now than we ever have? And I feel like that is rare, something I'm pretty proud of. I think we both are. But a lot of work, of course, came with that. But I think we do get asked that quite a bit. Like, what's the secret? How do you, you know, keep your relationship going and exciting and fun and all those things. So I thought it'd be fun to talk about.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and we're coming up on 17 years of marriage. I feel like we're having more fun together now. We're happier now. Spend more time together probably now than we ever have. For sure. Obviously, working together, not maybe the most common situation. We've found a way to make it work for us and having a lot of fun doing it. And I think it's fun to explore some of these like cliches, sayings, stereotypes, some of these different things. And some maybe fit, some maybe not so much.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Well, and some of these things I don't think I've given some thought to too much that like kind of come naturally to us. But then there's certain things that maybe didn't come so naturally that we've worked on. And so I think we did have some factors there that were good just naturally, but then some things we definitely have had to work on as well.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's what it's worked for us, and everybody's got their own situation and their own relationship and their own balance of things. So we're just sharing what works for us and may not work for everybody. Exactly. But you know what works for us and or continuing to learn what works for us, I'd

Marriage Cliches That Set You Up

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say.

SPEAKER_04

Well, and I feel like, you know, there's so much talk in the world of like the kind of jokes against marriage or like the downsides of marriage or wives ragging on their husbands, or husbands constantly being out with the boys, or whatever it is. There's these there's these cliches that are very common out there. And I thought it'd be fun to talk about them.

SPEAKER_02

Yes, absolutely. The girl's night, the boys' night, all those sort of things, which is great. They're all they're all in their time and place are are fine. The idea behind it or the the pain and suffering that sometimes comes.

SPEAKER_04

I think the problem with is when you hear people tell those stories, it just sounds like that's like the only thing they look forward to. Like the men only look forward to golfing with the guys, or the women are only looking forward to their like girlship, which is fine. Like those things are super fun and you should look forward to them. But it can come across like that's the thing they're looking forward to in their year.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. Or like the point system, you know. I did this, therefore I get that. Or if you do these four things, then you're allowed to go out. You know, you're allowed to do this, or you're allowed to do that just because you've put in your time or you've got your points for the week. Yeah. Crazy way to look at a relationship. But anyways.

SPEAKER_04

It's but it's super common. And and sort of feel like that's what to expect if you get married. I think just because it is so common.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

So if you're going into new marriage or getting into a new relationship, how much you hear this is it sort of feels like that's the only way, like that's like what you should expect.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. Yeah, or the the marriage and the happily ever after part of the story. Yeah. It's like you've made it to the marriage, you get married and then they lived happily ever after when really marriage is getting married, the the act of marriage, is really like the first step. And it's not for everyone. It's not. There's a there's a social pressure around it, and I I understand that before we got married, neither of us really thought we were people that were going to get married.

SPEAKER_04

All of a sudden, because I didn't think I would be able to find someone who would want to live a life sort of like that, right? That wasn't just like monotony and you know, kind of these separate individual lives that are sort of coming together and you're sort of stuck with each other now. That was a nightmare to me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Oh yeah. That was to me, that was I just there was no way. And I just never thought I'd find somebody that I could spend that much time with.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

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Be, you know, before we got married, fairly independent, you know, heads in a circle, but I was kind of on my own and moving a lot. And I was pretty happy with that. And then all of a sudden, I wasn't.

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Let's

No Permission Needed Just Coordination

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let's like talk about the guy's night thing.

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Yeah.

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And there's two kind of things I want to address here. So when when we first started dating, Rodney's friends would think I would not let him out of the house. And that could not be, Rodney doesn't need to ask me for permission to do anything. I don't ask Rodney for permission. We just notify each other of what we are doing. And if kids and things need to be sorted out, of course, that's you kind of make that happen, right? But number one, if you're starting out in the marriage or relationship and you have to ask permission at the beginning, I think this is only going to become a worse problem.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. And I this I am very comfortable saying on the record, not once, not once, not even when we were dating, did I ever either of us have to ask for permission to go do something. Never once did you say, no, you can't do that, or no, that's not your time. You know, you wouldn't like golf is one of the examples. Like early on, you golf now, but early on in a relationship, you didn't. And you would encourage me, like, go, go, like, go golf. You'd be like, no, I want to hang out or I want to do this or whatever. And it would be you that would be more on like the boy side of like, go, like, just do something. Like, I'm like, no, no, I'm good. My golf game would probably be better if I had to listen, but yeah, you know, and that's one thing I'm I'm 100% comfortable standing behind. And that was a standard that I think I don't even know if we really talked about it. It was just something that we expected from each other. You're not looking for me to give you permission, like how to dress or how to act or anything like that. We're not each other's parents. No, no. And if you want a relationship that's a parent, that's cool, but that's not what either of us will look at.

SPEAKER_04

No, no. And yeah, so that's one, the kind of assumption that you need to ask the also assumption that it's a sign of like you're trapped if you're not going.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

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Like you're trapped at home or something.

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Yeah.

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And yeah, so if that's happening, like, I don't know, I I early on in a relationship, I think you gotta spend some time on that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I think it's at least worth talking

Communication Over Control And Resentment

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about. Like communication is the number one trick or key or whatever you want to call it for us. Yeah. For sure. So we're not saying like, oh, you're not you just run off and do whatever the heck you want without communicating. You start like communicating, you're letting the other person know and you're checking schedules and seeing what's going on. And if there's a conflict, okay, then you have a conversation about it. But it's it's not it's a communication thing, it's not you know, handcuff that you need unlocked because you've you've achieved your score for the week or something like that. So I think it's worth talking about early. And the earlier the better. Because, like you say, you start that's the beginning. Where what are you gonna do later on, or once you know, once you bring kids into the picture and once you have all these other variables, like the beginning when it's the honeymoon phase, they call it. Yeah, everything's easy, everything's fun. So if that standard's there, then then how the hell do you deal with kids or work or careers or you know, family or in-laws? Like there's so many variables that start folding in.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. That if that communication about those, the basics there are not well, and the communication around like if that triggers your partner in some way, having why? Yeah. You know, that's a sign of something to work on. Like it that doesn't mean you're gonna feel how you're gonna feel, but like why are you feeling that way if you're feeling abandoned because your partner's going golfing on Saturday? Like that is you gotta work through that. Exactly. And that's okay. It comes from trauma. We all have trauma and you know, shit to deal with, but we gotta own it first. Yes. And recognize that's how we're feeling and then work through it from there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. And that's a whole other conversation about feelings and justifiable feelings and real feelings and what are, you know, what what feelings can influence your behavior in a good way and in a bad way. Yeah. That's a whole other subject. We won't go down. But I think that's the most important part is establishing, okay, is this bothering? Why is it bothering? Have a conversation about it. And then you can come up with if you can justify where your feelings are coming from, yeah, and you can justify this is where why it's having this effect, and this is what you're doing to make me feel that way. And then determining, okay, maybe I'm not a hundred percent, you know, maybe my feeling is influencing my behavior more than I would like. Right. And maybe you're influencing, you know, you you figure it out, and then you and then you you you the the the back and forth, yeah, yeah, you adjust to the place that that fits for you both, right? So yeah, that's I mean, and so many of the things we talk about just go back to communication.

SPEAKER_04

Well, and your partner should want you to be doing things that you enjoy.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

You know, like when I love horses, for example. And I would go for hours out to the barn and Rodney's very large horses, so he couldn't come with me. And never once were you like, oh, you know, you shouldn't be doing that, or or you know, like that. Cause because you know it's something I enjoy and I love, and and that is only gonna better how I am back at home, right?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, of course, yeah. It's it's to take allergy medicine when you got home.

unknown

Exactly.

Thoughtful Gestures Without Transactions

SPEAKER_04

Okay, what what are some other kind of like you know, cliché ones? Flowers.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I used to get in a lot of shit from people because I would buy you flowers or things, gestures not on holidays.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, Rodney's very much a gift giver and that yeah, I would say that's part of it.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, that's an intention behind it. It's the intention that has always meant something to me rather than the thing itself.

SPEAKER_04

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

It's that you're thinking of somebody and that they're in your mind and and and what have you. But I used to get a lot of shit from people in our circle about like, oh, you're making me look bad because you're doing this for your partner. And it's not on Valentine's Day. So then what the hell? Like, then my thing, and that's not what it's not a competition, first of all. It's just about intention, and it's just about being thoughtful and and having that. It's it's a gesture that, hey, I'm thinking about you and you matter. Yeah. And that's it. And I think some men struggle with that because maybe they don't always understand what the intention is. Yeah. It becomes transactional. It's like this is the thing I need to do to get this reward later on. Yeah. And I think a lot of men are taught that early on in life, and that is a male experience. And I don't I don't know how happy that's making anybody.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I d especially men. Like I think if men were able to go, like, hey, I I think most men want to make their partner that they care about happy.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And they want to make that person feel like they're being thought of. They just don't always understand what the purpose of it is, especially if you're living life in a score keeping back and forth kind of tit for tat kind of thing. And that's that's like it's a cliche, you know, men suck at these things or whatever. And and I think it's staggered in how they were brought up and understanding what the port purpose of it is and the score piece. You put all those things together and you be you create a situation that's kind of uh diminishing returns, let's say.

SPEAKER_04

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I think the checklist point system, the like that it it is a huge problem in all of this stuff, whether it's you know out with the boys, out with the girls doing this, it's like, you know, or I'm gonna look after the kids so you can do this. It's like, well, they're both your kids, so it's your kids to jointly look after. Yeah, I think

Parenting Without Scorekeeping Or 50 50

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you can't babysit your own kids. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I think that was a joke early on when like when Ada was first born. He was like two months old. And then I just said that reflexively, like not even thinking about it. And then you're like, you can't babysit your own kid. And I was like, oh yeah, you're you're absolutely right. And it's just like it was in grand. You're babysitting, you're you know, looking after a kid is babysitting. No, you're a dad. No, I'm just that's just called daddy. And and that's the 50-50 rule, I guess, would be the next step from that. And that's part of like everything is balanced, everything is fair, everything's 50-50. And that's just not the way life works. No. I think we've kind of hinted on this in the past, but like this is exactly what you're talking about, the score keeping system. If you're going 50, everything has to be exactly 50-50. Yes, you want to be equally contributing to everything as much as you can, but some days are different than others, some work demands are different. And if you start getting into that tit for tat score keeping thing, that's where that and then your head, okay, everything's got to be exactly equal.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And you're keeping score, and that's you know, it it just it and then you're not communicating about those things. Yeah. That's also the tie that goes around.

SPEAKER_04

Then a lot harder too when when kids are small and time is short and you're tired and you're exhausted and all these things, and you're just like looking for an escape.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Um, and you're like, well, you had this, so I want that. So it and it definitely does get easier as the kids get older to like, you know, just know that there's gonna be more time. It's not such a you know, short on time mentality, but yeah, so you do need to know that like all that will get easier over time if you have young kids. But then it still comes down to do you want to spend time together?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, well, that's that's a big part of it. And we'll touch on the parenting thing a little bit more, I think, in the future. Like, I think I see people that almost resent their kids when they're little. And then that we won't get into that right now, but you have to be prepared that that's part of the cost. That's part of the 50-50. There, the time it takes for each other for the kids. It's not gonna last forever. Enjoy it. Be present as much as you can because it goes by so quick. But it's part of the the dedication that you made to having kids is that that's gonna take some of your time. You're not gonna get as much of a social life. You're not gonna have those other things. Doesn't mean you don't need them, and those are great, and then you've got to catch those moments when you can.

SPEAKER_04

But but that's part of the it also doesn't need to be like I know it's hard in a little. We've done, we've got two kids, but you can't forget that you're also someone's spouse. Yes. As well. Like it's really easy to only become mom.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Or only be dad, or only be and forget that you're also, you know, married and you have a commitment and a obligation to also work on your marriage. Yes. So it, but it's really easy to get sucked into that, like just mom mo, just dad mouth or whatever, right?

Prioritizing Your Partner Helps The Kids

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. So that made me think of two things. The first being is the priority is the kids.

SPEAKER_03

Right.

SPEAKER_02

And I I understand where that comes from. The kids have to be a priority in a relationship. They cannot be more of a priority than your partner. And your kids notice it, they see it, they want to see a healthy relationship.

SPEAKER_04

And you are their example.

SPEAKER_02

Yes. And your kids are gonna one day, yeah, hopefully, if you're doing it right, and and you know, I mean in our case, it might be us that leaves and our son keeps our house, but they will go out and have their own relationship and build their own and be with somebody for the rest of their life or partions of their life or multiple people for the rest of whatever they end up doing. But if you're in a marriage that is gonna go the distance, yeah, you have to remain a priority. You have to. You have to remain a priority for each other. So you can say kids are right up there, but I would see I would almost argue that that's maybe a slight edge, you know, a slight edge to your partner because they are the person you're working with, you're balancing things with that well, it'll make you a better parent. Yes.

SPEAKER_04

Like if you're happier in your marriage, you're gonna be better as a parent, you're gonna be communicating better as parents, you're gonna be d delivering a better home for them.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

SPEAKER_04

And also you are setting the example of what they are going to tolerate later on in life.

SPEAKER_02

Exactly.

SPEAKER_04

Like Prindley recently said to me, we were just, I don't know, talk talking about our relationship. And, you know, she's growing up and all different, there's lots of challenging friendships and relationships and things. And she said she fully believes that number one, it'll be hard to find a partner that will respect her the way you respect me and love me the way you love me. And she mentioned that, and it it is hard, it's not super easy, but it also is if you're intentional and clear about what you want, it's also a lot easier to find. So she also has a standard of what she's looking for, which is amazing. Yes. Uh that's something I think we're really proud of. And she she they both have noticed, but she's really noticed that.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and that's that makes me really happy. But it's also a reminder that your kids, your family, your people around you, they're gonna learn more from your behavior than the things you say. You know, that old saying, do as I say, not as I do. Kids are smart, they're young humans, they're not blind and oblivious and you know, keep the language tidy. Yeah, but they get treated like that often. And I think that's the first thing they pick up on is how you're treating each other, how you're communicating to each other, the respect that you show each other. Even when you disagree, you're gonna fight. There's gonna be disagreements, there's gonna be moments when emotion gets bad. That's fine, but it's how you handle the respect factor and how you prioritize each other and the the way you treat each other.

SPEAKER_04

So, okay, so we're talking about kind of like how you can just become singular, like you're just mom, yeah, or you're just dad, or you're just your job or whatever, right? And it's a slippery slope, it doesn't happen overnight, but you can kind of see how people get there. And then and then now you're living two separate lives in the home, and that's when those golf days become really important, and that's when those girls' trips become really important because that's really the only fun you're having. So

Making Time For Fun And Staying Attractive

SPEAKER_04

I think, and it doesn't need to be big things, but trying to have some fun together in those periods of time. But I mean, you know, it doesn't need to be expensive or lavish or whatever. It's just some intentional time. So, what did you guys like to do before you had kids? Yeah, exactly. That's that exactly back to that when you can, even if it's for short spurts. Yeah. And try to be husband and wife or partners rather than just mom and dad sitting there, you know?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, and it goes back to the gift giving thing or the whatever it is, the the special holidays, the special events, the intention. It's the intention. Okay, where do like you said, what do we have fun doing? We like we love to eat, we love music, love to just spend time together, play games, play cards. There's lots of different things we enjoy doing. I'm sure we have our own unique interests and things. But when we have a chance to get out for even if it's an hour or two, that's great. It doesn't have to be a big lavish thing. It's exactly get out for an hour, have a conversation, look at each other in the eyes, talk at the table. I mean, how many times have we seen people in relationships just sitting there in dead silence for like two hours? And it's like, that's fine. Maybe, maybe that's they're like the happier and shit, and that's just the way they live. And that's that's awesome. Go hard. It doesn't feel that way, though. Like it was okay.

SPEAKER_04

This also might be a bit of a controversial one and maybe a challenging one too. I don't know, but you can you you can also see if you get comfortable in these roles, like you kind of can let yourself go in terms of just like how you take care of yourself and how you present yourself to your partner. And I know there's this maybe, you know, take out there that you should just love me for me. But I I have always been very militant about like taking care of myself. And and and that's because I feel better that way. It's it's and I obviously I want you to be attracted to me, but I also genuinely feel better when I know I'm taking care of myself in some way, whatever that might mean. And that might be different for everyone. But then there's also this sort of like you hear people commenting and and complaining about their spouses when they're not taking care of themselves in those ways that they used to when they were dating.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, it's the standard you set for each other. Like and we both have a streak of vanity to us, and that's that's fine. That's part of what we identified and we probably like about each other. That's that's okay. Yeah. But it doesn't mean you have to be perfect or you're you're, you know, whatever it might be. You have to have a standard. But if it's a a standard that you set for each other and for yourself more importantly, yeah, because it is about respecting your partner, it's also about respecting yourself and being the person that you want to be and feeling good, looking good, all those kind of things. But just that saying, love me for who I am, or I, or this is who I am, and I don't need to change that principle is smell like or look like or completely fucked. It's completely fucked. Because that's one of the things about life is if you're not constantly growing, evolving, changing, and learning from life's experiences and learning from your partner, and it's an evolution thing. So, like to me, that's like a fate worse than death to be like, this is who I am, I'm not changing, love me or leave me. This is as good as it's gonna be. You know, if you don't love me, I'm my best. That's true. Like, you have to love the person when they're at their worst to a degree. But if you're not for growing as a human and understanding your your flaws and understanding where you could be a better person, how you're you're leaving so much out of life, let alone your relationship and your parents. Like you're parenting a kid and you can't.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Yeah. Well, and Kate, what kind of got me thinking about this is there's like the stories when people break up or they get divorced and then they suddenly get in shape or they start taking care of their bodies. It's like that's just an interesting human. I get it. You're putting yourself out there back in the market. Probably you want to present yourself. But at the same time, how did that get so lost when you were in your relationship that you weren't taking care of yourself at all anymore? It just and and that's men and women. That's just across the board. You see and hear those stories. And it's just an interesting, like human nature.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. The divorced dad who's just got a new gym membership. And like that's like a very common like cliche.

SPEAKER_03

Super common. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And the mom's the same way. It's not not just men, it's both sides. But it's weird to think that you would just stop trying to be attractive to the person that you're Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

Or the yeah, anyways. Anyone's got their thing. It's just an interesting one.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04

So okay. What was there maybe one more thing we could bring up in this vein?

SPEAKER_02

I think that we would just one of the things I think is, and we've touched on a little bit, but it's just if we were going to communicate like a piece of advice, like what are we what do you say? Our relationship isn't perfect, but it's very good. Yeah. And we're very happy. And that's not that we say just to like for the cameras. It's legitimate. I feel it in my core, and I feel very fortunate and very lucky to have this out of life. Success, failure aside. But one of the things is that we we're able to have fun together. Yeah. We'll have fun. We're able to enjoy each other, like just with the little things, the little things of the day, the little moments, but but we work together and we have fun together. We're there together like 98% of the time. So, how do you do that? You gotta have fun.

SPEAKER_04

When you gotta if you're starting a relationship, like you should be having fun together. So find ways to have fun together. And we're always working on that as well. But we were most recently on a trip alone for five days to Mexico. And I remember being like, it's amazing that we still like hanging out together because as our kids are getting older, we're gonna have all this time together. I cannot imagine being married right now, and the kids are getting older, and then us looking at each other being like, this is not fun, or we don't want to be here. So it's worth all the work and the effort, and it's certainly not been just you know easy peasy over here. We have had our serious challenges, but we've like that, but that fun aspect, we we've always been able to go back to it.

Working On The Relationship And Closing

SPEAKER_02

Yes. And then the last piece to that, and you just hinted at it, is that if there is work.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

And that's okay. Yes. You should want to work on the things that you love and that you care about. Yes. You want to work on being a better parent, you want to work on being a better partner, you want to work on yourself. That's okay. There's like there's a misconception out there that working on your relationship means it's not good. That is horseshit. You have to work on it. You have to put the time in. That's the intention. That's the fun. If it's not fun, why would you work on it?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Right? You work on your golf game, you work on all these other things. Why would you not work on your relationship as well? Yes. And that's working on it leads to more fun, leads to more conversations. Being able to just sit and talk about big things and little things, like have a conversation. Those are all the intention. You're having fun, but you're working at it, and that's okay. That's right.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

All right. That's probably enough for that comic. I'm sure there'll be a few questionable comments on that one. I'm sure people will have some. You guys are so full of shit.

SPEAKER_04

It's a fun one.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. All right. Well, see you next time.

SPEAKER_04

See you next time. Thanks.

SPEAKER_00

Beautiful from the ground. Never backing down. Never bound.

SPEAKER_01

Two hearts, one vision, we stay true. In the figure of it, none of it.