Everything Has A Beginning Middle And End

We use a simple phrase to make sense of change: everything has a beginning, a middle, and an end. We share how dopamine, identity, sunk cost, and the 80/20 rule shape the choices we make when it’s time to move on. 
• the idea that every situation moves through three stages 
• why beginnings feel exciting and hopeful through novelty and dopamine 
• why endings can threaten identity and trigger sunk cost thinking 
• Peter’s removals business story and staying longer than he should 
• Sharon’s move back to the UK and the moment the ending became clear 
• overlap between endings and new beginnings in real working life 
• using Pareto’s law 80/20 as a practical “stay or go” check 
• the ranch and football examples of the ratio slowly flipping 
• spotting the middle sooner through pulse checks and honest reflection 
• presenteeism at work and how assumptions and expectations erode engagement 
If you want any more information or let us know what you’d like us to talk about, go to the website, Beabetteryou.ca, and the tab 'podcast'.

Have a question, a comment, or want to find out more? go to https://www.beabetteryou.ca/

Podcast thoughtfully produced by https://www.isleofsound.ca/

Transcript

Straight Up Talk Intro

SPEAKER_00 0:00

This is Straight Up Talk with Sharon and Peter. We are both proud Brits and Canadians. This is a no-nonsense weekly podcast about people, life, leadership, and all sorts of stuff. We don't always agree. This

The Phrase That Guides Everything

SPEAKER_00 0:21

is Sharon and Pete with episode five of Straight Up Talk. The topic this week is a phrase that Peter uses all the time, and it always makes me laugh because I know when he's going to say it. And it applies to everything, and the phrase is to everything, there's a beginning, a middle, and an end. Before I define it, Pete, I'm going to ask you, can you remember where it came from?

SPEAKER_01 0:48

No, I've been using it for years. Um, probably all my work in life. So I must have been told it when I was quite young. Maybe I was at school even. And um, yeah, I just carried on using it. I can't remember. Honestly, can't remember who told me it. But it you know it applies to everything, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

You're you're right.

Why Beginnings Feel So Good

SPEAKER_00 1:08

So definition, really, obviously it's not a technical definition, but everything in life has got a beginning, it's got a middle, it's got an end. It could be a new job, it could be a new relationship. The seasons, an illness, your dinner. They aren't good or bad inherently. It's how you react and respond to them and what they mean to you. One of the things that you and I talk about is recognizing when you're in which stage. Of course, the beginnings are easy. It could be something that you think about that comes into your head that sparks something off, a beginning. Could be someone that you bump into on the street, could be a TV show that comes on at a certain time. But when you think about things that start, the brain notices novelty, it likes novelty. It's the anticipation that creates this dopamine hit. And beginnings are filled with hope and anticipation. In the middle, what happens is our dopamine tends to level down a bit, and things become more about systems and our identity take over, and it's can become a bit more mundane. And of course, this middle bit could last for a very long time, or it could be very short.

Endings Identity And Sunk Cost

SPEAKER_00 2:21

And the brain doesn't like endings because they can an ending can threaten our identity, and the psychology around what we call the sunk cost fallacy, it's where we've we've already put so much into this we don't want to walk away. We've seen that when we watch The Dragon's Den, when people have got inventions that they've invested everything into and they don't want to walk away from it. From a corporate context in the business world, I hear stories all the time about people who stay too long in jobs for that reason. They're just stuck in the middle bit. So anything that you can bring to this, Peter, about how you use this expression and any experiences that you have used it in.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

I know

Peter’s Removals Business Lesson

SPEAKER_01 3:08

we've got hundreds of. Yeah, there are hundreds, but um I mean uh it's just something, it's just something that uh, you know, I always say, and I can I I can relate it to work m more than anything else. Uh like for me, getting into the removals business when I was quite young, um, that was the beginning. I didn't know I was in the middle, and I but I knew when I was at the end, but I should that the it shouldn't have lasted so long. I should have done, I should have stopped it and gone off on another path somewhere, but I didn't. But you don't always recognise when you're in the middle, or you you but you recognise most of the time when you're coming to the end.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

But you don't often recognise that until it's too late, right?

SPEAKER_01 3:53

Sometimes it hits you in the face and you think, What am I doing here? Because if you know it's not always a bad thing, the ending, sometimes it's a good thing.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

Uh absolutely. So when we come to the end of something, although it might mean losing, it's also potentially a really good thing, like you say with your business. Why do you think when you recognized that you should call a quit strip, why do you think you didn't?

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Well, I think with me, like the body was aching a bit and I was getting older, and um I I just be uh you you the it drags you down sometimes the the uh the the actual business of pack going away to packing someone's stuff away, loading it all onto a truck, driving for five hours and then unloading it all. It just got a bit monotonous, and I you know it paid well though. I mean, um that's probably why I stayed with it. It paid it paid quite well, and of course it was my own business, so I got the bulk of the profit. So, but I knew that I knew when I made the decision to end it, it was the right decision.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

Yeah, it afforded you a good lifestyle.

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Yeah, fairly good.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

I mean, I was you know, I'm not Alice Sugar, but you know Yeah, only Alan Sugar is Alice Sugar.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

Uh

Moving Countries And Knowing It’s Time

SPEAKER_00 5:10

so I think for me, just thinking about beginning middle end, when you and I met, um I was living in Canada, you were in the UK, we'd obviously met in 90 in the early 1980s, we reconnected again later on in life. The decision was made uh that I would come back to the UK with you. So I could say that was part of a a different beginning when I moved back to the UK. So that was December of 2012, it was exciting. Where are we gonna live? What we're gonna do. The middle bit was where I went through looking for a job. I needed one, having had my own business in Canada, because the deal was always I'll come back to the UK and be with you for as long as it needs to be until you're ready to come back to Canada. So, in that middle bit, I was looking for jobs, etc. I found one with Thomas International, which was great. Uh, I heard, I didn't hear anything, um completely went right off my top topic then. I knew that I needed a job because I wouldn't be settling there for a long time. I remember when I knew the end had come because you would say to me every now and again, Are you ready to go back yet? And I'd say, No, not yet. And it was about March of 2015 where I I just woke up one day and realised, okay, yeah, that's it. We're we're done here.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

I remember it was a Saturday morning.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

Oh, do you? You remember the spot?

SPEAKER_01 6:38

I remember exactly that yeah. And you was kind of like you were a bit tearful, and I hadn't seen you like that before. Well yeah, but yeah, but not you know, and you uh I and I was like, what's going on, you know, what's up? And you said, I just I just miss Canada so much, I want to go back to Canada. So that was when we started to make the plans. But you're actually your your your ending and beginning came, you know, were pretty much one ended and one started again. So you went from an ending straight on to another thing.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Well, that's that's how they work. If you think about your work in life, often there isn't a gap in between one ending and a new beginning, and sometimes there might even be an overlap between the two. You can be in a in a job, in a role, and then something gets waved in front of you, a promotion, or somebody else knocking on the door, asking you, Do you want this job? Well, you still haven't come to the end of the other one. So it it it's it's interesting how there can be that that overlap. Um, and as humans, of course, we we we adapt to all kinds of situations. So I think one thing that you

Overlaps The Middle And Pareto 80 20

SPEAKER_00 7:45

and I talk about a lot is how do we know when we're in the middle? Because we know the beginning, that's the exciting bit when we're uh the dopamine is running through our bodies.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

You only know the middle when you get to the end. Well you only know the period that was the middle.

SPEAKER_00 8:02

But I'm gonna add a button here. We talk about Pareto's law a lot. Pareto's law is the law of 80-20, and it says you can never really have 100% of anything. What you can have, usually, if your ratio is 80% of something is good, 20% is not so good, that's a good ratio. So we often use that when thinking about where we live right now. We have stayed in the same place for the past eight years, and prior to that we were quite nomadic. We both have this spirit to travel a little bit, but we keep checking in are we ready to move yet? And we think about what we have, what's around us, and we still got 80-20 in our favour.

The Ratio Flip At The Ranch

SPEAKER_00 8:49

I'll tell a story about when I worked at um at a ranch, uh a horse ranch. I started working there in in 2010, and at first it was it was great. Actually, no, I finished 2010. I started in 2005. It was fantastic at first, loved it. It was very physical labour. I there's nothing like the sleep of the physical sleep versus the mental sleep after a full day working at the ranch, carting around all these saddles. I'd always have a sore bum first day of the season, riding a horse for eight hours. And I worked there every weekend for about five years. I even worked there one summer in 2009. But then by 2010, I didn't realise it until a few weeks it was You wake up one morning.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

Yeah, it's yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:38

The ratio had flipped upside down. There was only 20% of what I liked about it anymore, and 80% was not good. And I looked back and thought, okay, it's a slow decline, and sometimes you don't notice it. So what else have you been through that you can think of that has come as a surprise to you about when it ended?

SPEAKER_01 10:03

Um, could I just ask one thing quickly? Was it a paid gig that horse ranch thing? Did you get paid or?

SPEAKER_00 10:10

Well, pretty much it was an exchange for because I kept my horses there.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

Ah I had three exchange for board or something.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

I had three horses, they're not cheap things. Uh so yes, I got paid, but it was very often eaten up by horsebard. But I loved it at first. I loved taking people out for rides.

Football Fandom And Outgrowing The Buzz

SPEAKER_01 10:28

So for me, um, beginning middle end is uh, you know, I go back to the football thing, you know, supporting my local team in London. And we used to go every week. If they played in London, we'd go and watch them. If they played in Manchester, we'd go and watch them travel all over the country, and it was a great buzz. 80-20. The 80 part was getting up early, having a you know, going on the coach or going on the train, meeting with all your mates, having a beer, watching the football. It was a great day out. And the 20 bit was like, you know, it was a lot, it was expensive, and uh you had to get up early most weeks. So, but as uh as I got older, I stopped going so much, and then by the time I'd say I reached 50, I didn't enjoy it anymore. I just the thought of getting up and driving up to Manchester or Newcastle or somewhere, you know, I just I can't be bothered with this anymore. So that you know, for me that was the the the one thing I can remember that I just thought, you know, this is probably the time to quit. And I mean we when we were in London, we went to a few games, we didn't go to that many, really, when you think about it. We was in London, you were in London for nearly three years, so and half a dozen games, yeah. Yeah, you enjoyed the um you enjoyed the eagle flying from everything but the game.

SPEAKER_00 11:49

Kayla, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

Kayla, she was a Canadian by the way.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

Canadian Eagle.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Yeah, she was.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

That's why you liked her.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

Well, not just because of that, I also like eagles. So yeah, um I often talk when I'm coaching people, uh, talk about this.

Careers Presenteeism And Silent Disengagement

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Where are you at right now in your career? Because obviously a career's got a beginning, a middle, and end, as well as the actual jobs within it. Get them to take a pulse check of of how they're feeling. And oftentimes when people say, Well, I think I checked out years ago.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

I've heard that a lot, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

Yeah, that's when you know they really weren't paying attention because life kind of gets in.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

It's like a relationship.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

It it absolutely is. That can happen in relationships as well, can happen in your working life, and it usually happens how we see it in the workplace is I call it uh presenteism. It's when somebody's there physically but not really there mentally. When you start a new job, usually you're excited and everything's great, you can't wait to get stuck into it. Eager to learn and oh, for sure, yeah. But then over time, you know, we have unspoken expectations of what's going to happen, and we also have assumptions. Those are two of the biggest killers in communication, those two things. But over time, when our expectations aren't met and our assumptions don't pan out the way that we want them to, we don't immediately take notice of that, it just dulls us down a little bit every day. So a little bit that 1% gets chipped off every day, yeah, until we're just coasting along, um, and it's a grind, and then something often happens, like suddenly the business has to make a drastic cut down in people, and you're one of the people that gets laid off, yeah, and instead of seeing it as like, yay, it's a win because I'm getting a package, it's a hit to your identity, even though you haven't actually been enjoying being there for quite a long time.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

So it's quite an interesting thing, and I think tapping into it, and we're coming to the end of this now, tapping into where you are at in your life in different circumstances, hobbies, relationships, where you live, what you do. Are you at the you're probably in the middle. Whereabouts are you in the middle? Is the 80-20 stacked up in the right way for you, or is it time to make a move?

Takeaways Embrace The End

SPEAKER_00 14:26

So, my brutally honest takeaway of the week about beginnings, middle, and end is that beginnings announce themselves loudly, endings can whisper, and most people will miss them because they're waiting for a dramatic sign. Often the end arrives as a quiet disengagement, diminishing return, or the absence of curiosity. So, my thing here is pay attention to what's going on in your life. Peter, over to you. Yours.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Well, for me, again, I was just going to keep it nice and simple. Uh embrace the end, it's not always a bad thing.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

Absolutely. Embrace the end because the end usually means a new beginning elsewhere. Well, thank you for listening, everyone. If you want any more information or let us know what you'd like to talk about, go to my website, which is beabetteryu.ca, and that's y-o-u, not e-w-e, because that's sheep. Beabetteru.ca, and there's a tab called podcast. And this week's podcast has been thoughtfully produced by the Isle of Sound. Thank you and good night.

SPEAKER_01 15:29

Thank you and good night.