Sober Communities are More Important Than I Knew

I recently started attending some sobriety community meetings and I have to say it is a huge game changer for me, and I wish I would have done it sooner! Link below!

Sober Community to Help Hospitality Workers with Substance Abuse and Addiction | Ben’s Friends

Transcript

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Welcome back to Rock Bottom is the New Normal. This is Brian. Um I think a couple of topics I wanted to touch on today. Uh one is community. Um groups, right? Uh I've recently gotten into going to some pretty consistent meetings, and I have to say that if I discovered this at the beginning of my sobriety, I think it would have made it a lot easier. I I got sober and I I was like against AA and all that. Like I'm a religious person and I didn't like the religion aspect of it. Um so like I was just like so against it because I tried, I tried to go when I when I couldn't get sober. Like I, you know, I'd get my sobriety together a little bit, I'd relapse, I'd detox, I'd relapse, I'd detox, I'd relapse, like over and over again, over again. Uh I tried to go to AA quite a few times, and I just I couldn't get into it. Like I I didn't feel I didn't feel like it was for me. I didn't feel, you know, like welcome, I guess. Like I was absolutely welcome. I you know, I don't want that to get misconstrued that everyone is welcome at AA with open arms and they help out so many people, and I think it's a great community, and I think it's huge, and that's kind of what this is about. But for me, it it like wasn't my spot. Um and so I kind of raw dogged my sobriety. Like I didn't have anyone around me that was like-minded, like I didn't surround myself with sober people. I surrounded myself with people that you know, like were already in my life, um, and they supported my sobriety. And I made my sobriety like I was very accountable about it. So even if I did fall off the wagon, like everyone would know about it and they would be upset about it. Um, so I recently discovered in if you work in the restaurant industry and you're thinking about getting sober, getting sober, you are sober. It's called Ben's Friends. Um, I will post links about it. Like I have some links already posted. They do two Zoom meetings a day. Uh they do, I think it's one 1 p.m. Eastern time and then 11 p.m. Eastern time. And it is a like it's a community of people who have worked in restaurants and they're sober, they're trying to get sober. Like it's it's like AA, but it's all basically, you know, restaurant industry workers, and it's it's like a beautiful thing. Like I know for me, and if anyone listening to this or anything is also a restaurant worker, there is like a sense of community already there. You know, like it's it's the industry. Like we talk to each other way differently than we talk to a lot of people. Like, if I meet people who work in the industry, like they're automatically friends, they're automatically family. Like immediately, like I feel a strong connection between them if they're like, yeah, like I'm I'm also an industry worker, like I'm right there with them. You know, I'll help them move out of their apartment, like I'll help, I'll watch their kids, like whatever. Like, I'm I'm your guide. And so it's nice having that. It's nice having that community and that camaraderie in this now, and it's such a big thing, and it's such a huge, an amazing community, and what they're doing is amazing because restaurants are tough. Restaurants, that's a tough industry. You're around alcohol the whole time, and it's so you know, like normalized that you're drinking and like people drink who work in restaurants is just so normalized, and it's such a stressful, high-paced, like just little alarm clocks are going off the entire time in your head. Everyone needs something. It's stressful, like feeding people. How I think about it, or how I describe it to people who aren't in the industry or you know, like hadn't like haven't really spent that much time in the industry. It's like you're hosting a dinner party. Like, I'm sure most people have like hosted a dinner party, they've had like friends over for dinner, that kind of stuff. And it's like so stressful, right? Like you want to make sure that they're having the best time of their life. Like they're coming to see you, you're like you're stressed. It's you're not sleeping the night before, you're probably like starting the dinner way too early because you want to make sure that everything's perfect. It's like doing that 250, 500 times a day. And that is so crazy and it's so stressful. And it, you know, it puts a lot on people who work in the restaurant industry. And that's that, and then having the availability of alcohol, shift drinks, that kind of stuff. Drugs are so readily available in restaurants. Having all that together really makes it so restaurant workers don't stand much of a chance to be sober, they don't stand much of a chance to be like normal functioning human beings. And I think that's such a bummer. And it's, you know, if you if you know somebody who is sober or, you know, doesn't have a big problem with drugs and alcohol that works in the restaurant industry, like that's a strong, that's a strong individual. And like they they need to be celebrated because it's it's tough, you know. I I know firsthand it's so hard to be sober in the restaurant industry, and it's really hard for me to stay sober in the restaurant industry. And even me having you know over four years under my belt, and you know, really like having this sobriety thing on lock, my routines down, I know what my tri like triggers and I know like how my feelings are when certain things happen and how I should plan ahead. And like I'm so locked in on all this stuff, but I still I still have you know like those thoughts, those urges, all of that. And you know, hard shifts don't make it any better, you know, long 10, 12 hour shifts where everything seems to go wrong the entire time, and you're you know, you're treading water and you're drowning the whole time. That doesn't help me stay sober. Um and so I think I've always like I've been looking and I've been searching for something that kind of you know, it's it's just maintenance at this point. It's me just maintaining sobriety. And so I've been looking for something that helps that, that helps the maintenance. And yeah, I gotta say, like Ben's friends, the meetings are huge. They they usually have a structured topic, and then they just kind of like open the floor, you know, like whoever raises their hands, or if they call on somebody, they just those that person gets a few minutes to talk about the topic and how it resonates with them. And you know, you learn a lot about some of these people and you connect to their stories in ways that you never would have thought. And it's also a beautiful, beautiful thing because you can be sitting there and like you can be having a shitty day, right? Like I was having kind of a shitty morning, and I had like a shitty night the night before, and like you know, my life kind of lately seems like I'm on it. Seems like I'm in like groundhogs day. Like, I I feel like I'm waking up and I'm doing the same stuff, and then I'm you know, I'm I feel like I'm having the same conversations with the same people in the same places, and that really gets to me. I I'm from a small island, and that was the biggest thing that like pushed me away to where I'll probably never live there again, is the same conversations with the same people about this, like at the same fucking places. It's just it's so monotonous, it's so tikky-tacky. It's you know, like, oh, do you see so-and-so didn't mow their grass? Like it's been, you know, 13 days, like I'm keeping track. It's that little shit that really irks me. And you know, sometimes I get into ruts where I start to kind of feel the monotonous of everything, and everything, you know, feels more than just my routine, which, you know, don't get it twisted. I need my routine, I need the structure, but sometimes there's that next layer where it just feels groundhog day, you know, like like I'm Bill Murray and I'm just having the same day over and over again. Um so I've been like kind of feeling like that. Uh, and I managed, I mean, I was able, they allowed me to catch a couple meetings, and you know, it really it recentered me and it put me in such a good mood. Listening to these people that are having great things in their life because of sobriety. Listening to people talk about their sobriety and the great things that come is the best thing about sobriety, I think. For me at least. Like, sure, my life is a fuck of a lot better now that I'm sober. Everything is better, you know. My bad days are good days when I was drinking. Like, that's it's so great. But my favorite part of being sober is listening to other sober people talk about how good their life is and good things that are happening to them. And you know, it's funny because most sober people that I hear talk about it always talk about like a bad thing that happened to them, or like, oh, like this, this is going on in my life. And then they always not always, but like almost always follow it up with that's not that bad. Because it's never like that bad. Like nothing for the most part that happens in our lives in sobriety is that bad, you know, even the stuff that was happening when we were using, like, it probably wasn't that bad, but everything was so extrapolated because we were you know drunk and we were just feeling sad and down, and everything was in a big magnifying glass. Um, anyway, Ben's friends, check it out if you work in the restaurant industry, check it out if you don't, like they will still welcome you. Um meetings are important, camaraderie is important, community is important. So if you are thinking about getting sober, trying to get sober, are sober, and you don't utilize these meetings and like this community that's out there, try it, you know, like just go just go and try it. Coming from me who didn't do it and got sober pretty much like all by myself, with you know, like I had people around me, but like that was more just making sure that I was holding true. Um but you need it, you need you need to talk to people about the fucked up shit that you did and listen to the fucked up shit that they did and listen to how good their life is, and you tell them how good your life is. Like, you need it. We all need it, and it helps so much. It's gonna help every time you go, you're gonna feel good leaving. Like, it's hard, it's hard to just like build it into your routine, and it's so easy to be like, oh, like I just don't really feel like you know, catching a meeting today, but like one million percent of the time you will not regret going to the meeting, and any any you know, anyone in recovery will agree with that statement. You'll never regret going to the meeting. The meeting's always gonna be good, it's always gonna be exactly what you need. Yeah. Um, so there's that, and then another thing I wanted to kind of touch on is you know, just leave you like with a quote, maybe to just kind of like bounce it around your day. Uh, I talked about it a little bit. Um I have a TikTok that I post videos on like almost daily, and then they also go on my Instagram account too. Um, but Brandon Novak, uh, he used to be on the Jackass cast, and he was you know super fucked up all the time. Like he was drinking, he was doing drugs, he got sober, and his story is so it's just so powerful. It's so powerful the way that he talks about sobriety that it it's like it's something to witness for sure. If you're not familiar at all, like go check out Brandon Novak, go check out like where he came from to where he is now. It's stellar and how he talks about it and how excited he is about sobriety and passionate. He's so fucking passionate about sobriety. Um, I think it's something to for sure witness or at least like just check out. But he says in one of his videos, and I think it was on Instagram, and I don't know if I don't know if it was him who came up with it or if he was, you know, like quoting somebody else. But he said, You can't stay sober on yesterday's sobriety, and that's so that's just so there. It's uh it's right down Main Street, it's it's like a quote that you can use and you can sit with whenever you know you get into that, like I was saying, that lull, that rut. Because we do, we get on like autopilot almost, especially in sobriety, after you, you know, you go through those waves where like you get like a month or two, and then you're like, you know what, I got this thing fucking licked up, taken out. Uh like I'm good, and you're never good. Um that's how most people relapse. Uh that's how I always relapse. You get to like six months a year, and you're like, you know, I got this thing fucking tied up, it's out on the curb, it's done. No, you know, that's that's alcohol's way of making you complacent and not being on top of it. So when you get like that, you know, when you get to that point where you're like, I'm sober, you know, I've been sober, I'm fucking, I'm good. I'm the man, I'm fucking good. And you start to think that and you stop doing your daily shit. Like you stop, you stop being accountable, you stop maintaining, you, you know, you stop the maintenance of it all, which it is, it's not a lot of maintenance, but like it's it's a daily routine of maintenance that you have to go through to maintain sobriety. Like you have to keep it in check, otherwise it's gonna flip your boat. So we get to that point where and it's you know what happens where we're like, yeah, like I I got this thing done and over with. I'm I'll just coast. I'll coast through sobriety. I'm good, I'm not gonna pick up a drink or anything, but that's not that's not always true, right? Like, like he said, you can't stay sober on yesterday's sobriety. You have to keep the ball moving, you have to keep the shit pointed forward. Otherwise, you know, this this thing's so fucking powerful and it's so nasty and it's so it's so fucking mean that it'll it'll get you, right? Like you you can't keep the the dog at bay forever, and especially if you're not, you know, like lock in the cage. So you gotta keep you gotta keep it in check for sure. Um another thing that I learned in in Ben's Friends, um, not so much learned, I think they just kind of like they put a face to a name or a name to a face or a name to an activity, I guess. Uh they call it playing the tape forward. And I think that this is so important. Basically, what it means is like say you're gonna go, you're going out to a bar, you've gotten sobriety, you know, you've done it, you're maintaining it, you're fucking you're killing it day in and day out, you're good. Go to a bar. And I think everyone is gonna get to that where they're like, you know, what happens? What happens if I have one drink? Like, why can't I have one drink? Why can't I why can't I have a shot? Why can't I have a glass of wine? Why can't I, you know, have this really nice cocktail that I've always wanted to try? Or like this sounds so delicious, it's on everything, it checks all of my boxes. Because that's me, you know, like these fucking cocktails. Like, I come up with cocktails all the time. It's I'm creative, I love it. It's a passion of mine, but I can't, you know, drink them. So I I have that a lot still, where I'm like, if I just have a little bit, right? Like, what's the worst that could happen? I'm like, yo, you know, Tim Sack, you're over four years, sober, you're good to go, Playboy. Um you can have this drink, and you'll be fine, you'll get back to sobriety right after that, right? Like, who cares? So then you have to play the tape forward. Uh so it's like say I say I have that drink, right? What happens after that? Probably nothing, probably nothing like super bad immediately. Uh, but I think that the floodgates would start to kind of you know open a little bit more. I think that drink would turn into probably in a couple more days, I'd have another drink, right? And if that drink's tasting good, I might have two of those. A couple more days goes by, you know, like I might have you know a couple couple beers, maybe a shot, and then it just kind of starts to spiral. And then before I know it, you know, two like just say two months, two months from now. Two months is not a very long time in the grand scheme of things. Two months goes by quickly. Two months from now, I am back to a half gallon a day. I am doing drugs to try to maintain, to keep my job, to afford my habits. I more than likely am spending more money at the bars. And I'm spending more money than I'm, you know, potentially bringing in. I get behind. I'm already behind at that point. You know, two months from now, my you know, my apartment building is probably gonna. Start emailing me or calling me, being like, hey, you know, you missed a payment. Then that just spirals further and further. And before I know it, you know, my two dogs and I are homeless and trying to figure out the next pivot. And at that point, I would have to reach out for help and let everyone who is counting on me to stay sober and who is so proud of me and all of these relationships and connections that I've rebuilt over these four years and that I've put so much work into molding this lifestyle and getting myself to be this presentable, nice, caring, empathetic human being. Like that's all gone. No one turns quicker on someone than people who believe in addicts on a second chance. Because odds are it's not just your second chance, right? People who come back around when you get sober and you rebuild all of this love and trust, and you know, you it's painstakingly rebuilt, right? And I'm sure a lot of people will understand this. No one's gonna turn on you faster than those people when you fuck up and you relapse. I can I can assure you, they have the least amount of patience for us and our fucking addictions. And they because they see it. They saw us through the worst of it. They saw us, they saw me, you know, drinking a half gallon a day, they saw me through my detoxes, they saw me, you know, in the fucking hospital, like they saw me ruin my entire fucking life. And then they've seen me get sober and they saw how hard I worked, and they saw, you know, me pushing this fucking boulder up a hill, and they saw the man that I can be, and the man that I am now. And as soon as all that's gone, like they're like, no, fuck that. Like, we have no more patience for that. And so I lose everything. If I have that one drink, I lose everything. And it would be a lot quicker than probably most people think. And that's playing the tape forward, and that's an important exercise that I think everyone, I think everyone should fucking do it if they're addicts or not. Like that's a really important skill and tool to have on your belt if you're playing the tape forward and you're taking a step back in situations and you're kind of seeing worst-case scenarios out. That's a that's an important life tool. Just to be able to, you know, see you fuck up and then rewind it and then not go down that path. I think everyone would be a lot happier and they'd be more successful, and they would just be in a lot better place if they just did that. Anyway, that's about all I have. Um those uh well, recap. Another little play to tape forward, rewind it. Uh check out Ben's Friends, you know, even if if you're just curious, just check it out. It's a like if I think they might have like donations. I haven't looked that far into it. Um it's a great, it's a it's a super fucking great community. It's dope as hell. Like, I think anybody helping anybody get sober is cool, but it hits hard so much for me because it's restaurant workers helping restaurant workers get and stay sober, and that's so fucking cool. Uh don't stay sober on yesterday's sobriety. That's a huge fucking quote. Use it, think about it. Um, and then play the tape forward. You know, just if you can do these three things this week, that's your homework. Uh again, yeah, this is Brian. I hope you guys are all liking this because I really like talking about all this, and I like it when people reach out to me and I can talk to them about it. I love talking to people about sobriety, about my story, about my sobriety, about your sobriety. Like, that's probably my favorite topic that there is that I talk about. So I appreciate you all. I love you all. I am so proud of literally everyone that is listening, or even if you're not listening, still fucking proud of you.