Sobriety Won't Fix Everything

I talk about how just getting sober won't fix everything and how you have to still show up for yourself in other ways

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to Rock Bottom is the new normal. It's your boy, Brian. Um I saw a TikTok the other day. Uh a girl posted a TikTok, and she was like, Am I feeling better now that I'm sober? Like, is this what I thought it would be? And she said, like, no, it's not. She said that she thought that once she got sober, that you know, miraculously she would start like feeling stronger, feeling better, be in better shape. Just like automatically, like all this stuff. And like, I think that we all fall into that mindset. I think we all, you know, like get sober and we're like, all right, we're gonna be the best of like the best version of ourselves. And like that's true in like a lot of ways, I think, but I think that it also like I think you have to put in, you have to continue to put in the work. Um like different work than you might necessarily be used to. I know when I first got sober and like probably even on and off throughout sobriety, like I wasn't taking care of myself. Like I first got sober and like I got I got skinny almost immediately. Like I got really skinny. Um I had a six-pack, I was eating so much, but I was just like, I don't know, my body just kept me really, really, really thin. And then it was probably like six or eight months of that. And after that, like I started actually like putting on the weight. I mean, I was eating like fucking ice cream, I was drinking eight energy drinks a day, sodas, like crazy. I probably wasn't drinking enough water. I was drinking like gummy candies, fucking fast food, you name it. Like I was not taking care of myself. And I wasn't exercising. I wasn't like moving my body. I was moving my body at work, and I thought that that was enough. And I started like putting on some weight, which is kind of like a new thing. It was a new thing for me. I, you know, spent most of my life like like a thinner guy without having to try, fortunately. Um so I started putting on weight, and I was like, you know, this is new. And you know, after a while of putting on some weight, I got a gym membership back in Michigan, and I started going to a gym, you know, like after work, I'd get done managing a restaurant and I would go and I would work out. And that lasted, you know, like several months. Uh, I was able to like you kind of like beef up a little bit. Uh, I was able to lose a little bit of the fat. And then I just fell right back into that like not taking care of myself phase again. And like that probably carried through the rest of my time in Michigan. Um when I moved out here, when I moved out to Arizona, I started bartending again. I got a job at a place that, you know, it's a few stories and you have to take stairs. It's we're like we're busy, we do a lot of volume every day. It's I shake a lot of cocktails, I take a lot of steps, I, you know, like I'm doing a lot more than I was before. I'm doing the kind of bartending I was doing 10 years ago when I was, you know, 24. And it started to like, I mean, my body hated it at first. It like I was in rough shape for the first couple of months working there. I I threw out my back getting off the couch. My legs are pretty much like constantly just not having a good time. Um, and I thought like work was enough. You know, I thought like, you know, I'm just I'm working, I'm getting a lot of exercise at work. Like, this is enough exercise for me as a 34-year-old guy. Like I can, you know, eat like I have been, which is, you know, it's not great. Um, you know, it's like a lot of cookies, a lot of ice cream, a lot of, you know, just not like fast food came back into it. It's quick and easy on the way home. Pizza rolls, you know, chicken nuggets, like it's all just like quick, fast stuff because I'm trying to, you know, like get as much out of my days as I possibly can when I'm not working. Um and I thought like, you know, this is this is good enough. And then I noticed the past like month or two that I I've been like just like groggy and I've been sleeping too much. I mean, like, I'm getting like nine hours of sleep at night, and then I'd have to take a nap during the day because I wouldn't have enough energy to like get through the day before work. And I was just exhausted all the time, and like I wasn't I just like wasn't happy. Like I noticed that my happiness was kind of starting to like dwindle down, and I was like, you know, I gotta do something about that. And I did a little Google research and I kind of figured out like, you know, I'm just I'm getting older. I'm you know, almost in my mid-30s, and I have to make sure that I get the right vitamins and everything. So I started taking vitamins, uh, changed up my diet. I started, you know, eating, you know, like a lot of a lot of fish. I'm eating a lot of tuna, a lot of salmon, uh, a lot of chicken. I'm getting my greens in, I'm getting my starches in. I'm also I'm waking up and I'm eating breakfast. I used to not really eat breakfast, but now I'm making sure I'm eating, you know, eggs, fruit, um, acai bowls, um, protein shakes, like I'm getting all of this stuff in throughout the day. I'm starting to eat a salad every day for lunch. And I'm also starting to like exercise pretty regularly. I started playing basketball again, so I'm getting you know cardio that way. I'm also hitting a bike every night. I'm trying to do like two, three, four miles on a bike. I'm lifting weights, like I'm I'm moving my body even though I really don't want to, you know, especially on days that you work when you get home and you're just like, oh, I'm so fucking tired from work. You know, I just walked 35 flights of stairs. I just don't want to fucking do this at all. But then you just make yourself do it. And I mean, like everybody who goes to the gym is like, you know, I didn't want to, but I'm glad I did. And I always fucking hated that, but it makes a lot of sense. Yeah. Like I never want to, and I'm always like glad that I do. I'm always glad that like I carve out that just like hour at the end of the day, and it makes me sleep a lot better at night too. Like, I'm not tossing and turning as much. You know, I take some melatonin and an ibuprofen, and I just like zonk out, and then I get like eight hours of sleep and I'm up and I'm feeling better. I get water in me right away, you know, a coffee, eat breakfast. I'm walking dogs in the morning, like I'm doing all this stuff. I'm moving my body more than it wants to, and I'm feeling better because of it. And I think that I think that that's important in sobriety. I think that we, especially in active addiction, like we forget and we're not. I mean, like, I didn't want to fucking move my body, dude. I was I had one focus, and that was to get alcohol or drugs into my system at a rate that was good enough for my body to keep up. Like I needed X amount in X amount of time, and like I had to get it in there. And so like I wasn't worried about like getting jogging or like lifting weights or eating properly. Like, I was just like, please just fucking get this shit with me so I can survive. And I think it's important that when you first get sober, that you have to think about this, you have to force yourself to do it. Because yeah, I'm huge about you know, you get sober, do whatever you want to do, like food-wise and stuff. Like, if your body's telling you that you want fucking gummy bears at nine in the morning, like absolutely, I think that rewarding yourself with these tiny rewards like over and over and over again throughout the day at the beginning is super important. I think that you know, like getting yourself little treats or like going and buying yourself fucking random shit. I think that that's like so important in sobriety. But I also now I wish I would have known this, you know, four years ago. I know now that like getting out, moving your body, getting proper exercise along with a semi-proper diet on top of you know, ice cream cones and gummy bears and bang energy drinks and diet cokes and you know, all of that. I think I think it's all it's a balance that you have to find when you become sober. But like take it from me, don't wait four years into sobriety and start figuring this shit out because you want to feel good, you know, right away. And I wish that you know that the lady would know that. I wish that like I would have been able to like find that TikTok again so I could have like commented on it. Because I read it and it like I had to sit with it for like a couple days because I was like, why, like, why is she not feeling good? And you know, like I went through a lot of like a lot of ideas. Like I was like, maybe, maybe she's just like, you know, maybe she's bitching to bitch, right? Like some people do that. Like, I sometimes I complain just to complain. And you know, there's a lot of people that complain for attention, like maybe that's what she's doing, like she's not getting enough attention with sobriety. But then I was like, no, man, like fuck that. That's a bad way to think. And like I think that she just she's at that point in her sobriety that just being sober isn't good enough anymore for your body. Like your body needs structure, like it needs you know, it needs some good stuff. And working out, getting steps in. I mean, it's important for everyone, even if you're not sober, or even if whatever, even if you don't have a problem with alcohol or drugs or anything, like you should be out there, you should be getting steps in, you should be walking, you should be eating healthier. I think this takeaway could affect like a lot of other people, other than addicts and people in recovery. But, you know, unfortunately, I'm an addict in recovery, and this is this is my life, this is my podcast, so I can talk about whatever the fuck I want. Um, yeah, so I wish I could have like found her again and I could have commented and been like, you know, I don't know, I don't know you, I don't know what your day-to-day is, but like I'd be willing to guess that you're not, you know, eating properly, you're not getting enough exercise, like you're just letting you're hoping that sobriety kind of like coasts you through. And I think that that's just like that's not doing it justice. It's not doing yourself justice, Evo. Like you to get sober, you know, especially if you're in like deep active addiction, or even like not, even if you're not the bad, you know, like I talk about my story of me drinking a half gallon a day and having alcohol withdrawals, like constantly throwing up, you know, like shitting my fucking pants, pacing my pants, like having psychosis, like all this bad shit. You could just be like, you know, like you drink every weekend, or like when you drink, you have to drink the blackout, or you just drink, you know, like a few drinks every day. Like you could you'd be that. And then you get you decide, like, oh, I'm gonna do, you know, like a dry January, and I and then you take the entire month of January off. And like that's hard. No matter your no matter your gauge of alcoholism or your gauge of your relationship with alcohol, whatever it is, like taking an entire month off or just taking time off at all from it is hard in this society, in this day and age, when you know, everything is like pointed at drinking. People to go have fun, go out and drink, right? Like you work in an office, you you know, you're a teacher, like teachers get done at fucking you know, four o'clock in the afternoon, and then they're like, oh, like all these other teachers are going to happy hour, and then like you either do it or you don't bond with your coworkers, and that's a tough spot to be in. Like, that's a really tough spot to be in. And it's tough to even like go there and be like, you know what, I'm not gonna drink, and then everyone else is drinking, and you're not like that's that's tough. That's an isolating experience to be a part of. And I know I didn't get sober for the longest time because I didn't want to be that guy who was sober, I didn't want to be the only person not drinking. I didn't want to be in that situation if I'm out with you know other restaurant colleagues and they're all drinking because like drinking in restaurants is so fucking acceptable, and they're all drinking and I'm not, and then they think that I'm a fucking loser. Because I can't, I can't be a loser. Like, I I cannot be a loser. It's like embedded in my DNA that I cannot be the person that people don't think is cool. Like, I I hate it, I hate it about myself trying to work on it. Um but it's hard, it's really difficult. And if you put in that work to get sober and you become sober, whether it's you know for the month of January or it's a life decision because you really need to, you owe it to yourself and to sobriety that you follow up, you come through on the back end and you eat right, you exercise, you get in a good mental state, you get sleep, you're drinking water, you know, you get all of this stuff still has to get done, or else you know, you're an unhappy, unhealthy person. You know, sobriety can only do so much for you. I mean, it does like it does a lot. Sobriety is the reason I am who I am today. It's the reason that I've grown so much as a human. It is the reason that people that are around me enjoy being around me. They would not have liked me as a drinker. No one did. I was the worst. I would slide into your girlfriend's DMs, your wife's DMs. I was I was a fucking animal. The worst, the worst guy. And I had to sit with it when I got sober. I had to sit with who I was, and you know, I had to get better, and it took a lot of work. And now I'm happy to say that, you know, I'm a guy that people are, you know, enjoy being around. People speak to hang out with, people ask me like how I'm doing genuinely, and are interested in stuff that I'm doing. That are listening to this fucking thing right now. They're listening even if they don't have to, they're listening to just because they like me. And they like me because of sobriety, because of who it made me. Like, it's so fucking important, but it's not the entire thing. It's a huge chunk of it, but it's not the entire thing. You need to be taking care of yourself. And learn from me. Learn from me. Like, if you're thinking about getting sober, just got sober, whatever, learn from me. Learn from my mistakes. All right. I'm gonna make a mistake like two or three times before I learn from it. So please let me do this for you. Learn from this. Go out, move your fucking body, buy fucking chicken and rice and asparagus, Brussels sprouts, green beans, eat vegetables, eat healthier meals, cut a little butter out. You know, right? Like for me, like stop eating so many cookies. Go out, run. If you don't like running, I I fucking hate running. I hate running so much. I hate it. Don't run. Go play basketball, play soccer, play football, uh, fucking baseball. Go do something that is cardio that you enjoy. Pickleball. If you're white and you like pickleball, go play pickleball. That's good cardio. If you like doing it and you don't think about it as you're doing it, but you're getting cardio, that's great. Go do that. Go lift up some heavy shit. Go buy a fucking bottle of vitamins, take them every day for a month and see how you feel. Guarantee you're probably gonna feel a little better. Anyway, uh, yeah. Our TikTok just kind of like sat with me, and it got me thinking about you know, like myself and where I'm at, and it got me thinking about like what I'm starting to kind of build into my day-to-day, which is eating healthier and you know, being active, being just better. It's just like this tiny little tiny little fixes, tiny little maintenance adjustments that you have to do. And then you like I feel so much better, and I've only been doing it a couple weeks. And I already feel so much fucking better. Like I can't even explain how much better I feel, and I'm excited to feel even better after like a couple months. I mean, I'm gonna be just like in super great shape. Nobody will be able to catch me. It'll be so fast. Anyway, uh everybody stay sober, you know, don't be so hard on yourself. Everything's not a monumental change, everything is just tiny. You know, you change small things every day, and it adds up. I learned that from when I was managing a restaurant, one of the owners was you know, super wise. He's like my age, but he was wise, way wise beyond his years. And he was very in tune with like podcasts, YouTube shows. Like he was like constantly trying to be better himself as a restaurant owner and as just like a human being. And I I just like envied him so much and I looked up to him so much that everything he told me or would share with me, or we would try to like figure out together, like I really took to heart and I appreciated every second of it. But there was like one time I forget like this situation, like I think that we we had like a bad couple weeks at the restaurant, like we were getting like not great reviews, and you know, as a restaurant, it's not always just like one, you know, like one bad table or something. Like sometimes it comes in like these big waves where like it snowballs out of control, where like you'll have a bad table, then all of a sudden you have three bad tables, and then and me saying bad tables doesn't mean that the guest is being bad, it's just like us as a restaurant like fumbles or does something that's not you know, it doesn't knock it out of the park. And we had like a few bad weeks, and like you know, I'm trying to just make one big change or one huge monumental change to shift the restaurant back. Back on course. And you know, he he was like, no, like Brian, that's not it. You have to, you know, just make small changes. Right? Like how you do one thing is how you do everything. And I think that that's an important quote. And he's like, if you make just, you know, a few small changes here and there, day in, day out, over the next month, few months, it's a huge shift. And like, I don't know. I think about that a lot more than I think he probably thinks I do. And you know, shout out to him for sure. Um, but yeah, just you know, little teeny small changes over time make huge differences. And the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. And I can't preach that enough. I didn't pick that up until I got sober. I used to, everything was all over the board. Like just minute, just tiny little tasks throughout the day, right? Like how, like some people might say it's like OCD, but like how you throw stuff out, how you do dishes, how you do your laundry, how you vacuum your house, how you know, how you do like anything from the time you get up until the time you go to bed. Even like your bedtime routine, your wakeup routine, like all these little routines that you have throughout the day. If you stick to these certain things, like I have I have it in just like ingrained in my head that whenever I do something, like I'll go to throw something out. Like I'll be at work, I'll go throw something out. Say it like misses and it lands on the floor. Right? Like in you're busy, you're in the heat of the moment, and like there's that part of you that's like, somebody else will get it. I'll get it later. Right? Like we have a cleaning crew at work that comes there and they clean the floors afterwards. Huge, huge for you know, bartenders. We don't sweep or map at all after work. Fucking huge. But so like I'll go throw something out, it'll miss, hit the floor, right? Part of me is like, nah, I don't have to worry about that. This is not my problem anymore. Then that thing in the back of my head starts talking, and it's like, no, how you do one thing is how you do everything. So if you do this the right way, you're gonna start doing everything else in your life the right way. And like, why stop now? And so I'll just take that extra second. It's just like that extra second out of your day, and I'll pick that up and I'll throw it away. You know, if you add that to your just routines, it's gonna pay dividends in the end. Like, you won't even notice that you're doing these little tiny changes, but it ends up like coming out huge. Shout out to DC here. Anyway, I just want to leave you with that. Wanted to let you know kind of like what I've been thinking about the past couple days. Uh yeah, anyway, stay sober, stay up. Uh, if you're living in the Arizona area, stay cool because it's hot as fuck out right now.