Ivy Fitzgerald Is A Rat Man

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I'm barking at men who's like.

SPEAKER_01 0:01

I'm barking and meowing. You don't even know what's coming.

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Like you come near me, uh-uh. I'm barking. I cannot maintain friendships through a screen at all. Like texting, none of that, like has ever I've never been able to keep up with it. I'm always feeling guilted and I'm always feeling like shame about it. Yeah. But like in like the day-to-day life, like as like a person living with autistic burnout, like regularly.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

I I can't do it, but I also have been like too overwhelmed and busy and tired to like be a friend in person either. So it's like we're we're kind of rebuilding.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

We're yeah, we're building from the ground up. But we're doing it. I mean, we're here. Oh my god, my improv troop is texting me. What do you guys want? No, we're not playing fucking zip zapp right now. Hello. Um yeah, no, it like I get that. I kind of was in a similar like I was kind of well, I was kind of in the opposite at first, where like when I wasn't working, I was so just like burned out and depressed all the time from everything that I just kind of like I had the time, but A I didn't have the money to like go out and do stuff. But I was just like bundle up on the couch and watch old shows and not do anything. And like I'm a very I'm a very sociable person and I'm a very like goal-oriented person. And so that was a really hard like time to be like, well fuck, I'm not doing anything and I'm not seeing anyone. Like that sucks. I don't like that. That's not what I'm about. I am just existing.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

And it's like I like forget that I like talking to people and engaging with people when I don't do it for a long time. Yeah. I get like so used to being in my own little world that I kind of get stuck there sometimes. And like I do think that that probably is like my biggest toxic trait is that like I'll I'll isolate at like the most minor inconvenience.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Like something goes slightly wrong, and I'm like, well, that's a three-day bender for sure.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

And I'm like now, we're just gonna like take afternoon naps all weekend instead of doing the things I need to do.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

All of a sudden, Demon Slayer is looking real interesting.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

All of a sudden we're rewatching Demon Slayer again.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

Oh Hey, Sons of Anarchy Rewatch sounds real good right about now.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

Ooh, Bat Girls Club looks so good. Oh my god. I hate myself.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

It's hard, but we're here.

SPEAKER_02 2:29

We need it.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

We're here. Hi, baby. Hello. How are you? We're so doing the show.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

That's strange.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

Yeah, isn't it weird? You don't, you're not, so you're a performer. Are we just gonna hold hands for the rest of the show?

SPEAKER_02 2:41

Yes. Is this not part of it?

SPEAKER_01 2:43

This is actually uh it's part of it. It was really crazy for the episodes that my brothers were on.

SPEAKER_02 2:47

They sort of weren't they they squeezed a little hard.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

Yeah, they I think they didn't really they feels right though. Yeah, for them it was like a I we had yeah, we had this the whole time. Hello? Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

That's perfect.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Um, who are you?

SPEAKER_02 3:01

Who am I?

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

Who am I? Do you want to move on?

SPEAKER_01 3:05

Do you want to move that microphone a little closer to you so it's not blocking your pretty little face?

SPEAKER_02 3:08

My face.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Thank you so much, baby. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Uh-huh. It's in the right spot now, I think.

SPEAKER_00 3:15

It is. You're good. You're good.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

Um, yeah, so like what we were talking about earlier is how insane it is that we've known each other since we were like nine years old. Yeah. Prior prior to the double digit era.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Yeah. I was literally nine years old playing junior Pee-wee's football.

SPEAKER_02 3:33

Crazy pants.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

And you're a little cheerleader. Hee hee. Yes, and we've known each other for so long. I've known we've known each other through all the eras.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

All literally every single one of Taylor Swift's eras, we've been there.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

We've been there. I had a lot less interesting eras than you up to this point, I think. Because like for you, I was had some strange eras. I was there for the cheerleader era, the the little like scene era, pageant queen era.

SPEAKER_02 3:56

Those eras actually overlapped, okay?

SPEAKER_01 3:58

That's true, that's fair. But you know, like it it moved on. I remember the corn-stitched pants.

SPEAKER_02 4:03

Period.

SPEAKER_01 4:03

Come on. I remember wearing goggles with hazmat symbols on them.

SPEAKER_02 4:07

I never got those back, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

We still need those back. If you're out there and you have them, send them in.

SPEAKER_02 4:15

There's if if you were at a random ace of spades concert and like took those.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

We're gonna need to you know the P.O. box.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

We're gonna need you to get in the comments. We're gonna need you to reach out.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Give me those back right now.

SPEAKER_02 4:30

I actually do still need my Ramona Flowers goggles back. Yes, even though the era's over, we're ready.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

She's with us, she's with us in spirit. She's up there with Pooh.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

You were there for that era, which was one of the crazier eras.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

I was there for pageant queen era.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Pageant Queen era was also crazy.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

You were indoctrinated by the whites, they got you for a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

A little bit. But also, like, truthfully, um, every era I've been in in my life has kind of been the poorer era, as you know, and the pageant queen era came with scholarships.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

That's true. So like wicked trick.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

It was it was really my like trying to get scholarships era.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

Yeah, trying to get out the hood era.

SPEAKER_02 5:08

My trying and not succeeding era because here I am still doing the same, the same old, same old.

SPEAKER_01 5:14

Well, now you're going though. We're going, we're thriving.

SPEAKER_02 5:16

We're there, we're thriving.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Yeah. And then I had uh cargo shorts and graphic tees era for I think up until I came out to you.

SPEAKER_02 5:28

No, exactly. We had our cargo shorts and t-shirt at an anime convention era. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Oh my god, I forgot about hey, I cosplayed as one of the warriors the day before that.

SPEAKER_02 5:38

Period.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

I did, okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:40

We had fun.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

We did have fun. We had some fun.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

But I do think you wore cargo pants the next day.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

I did wear cargo pants and a you and a shirt we made on a cricket machine for my YouTube channel.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

Shout out to Cricket.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Shout out to Cricket.

SPEAKER_02 5:53

People love cricket.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

People love a cricket machine. And we said print out a fucking PNG rip of my YouTube channel icon. Put it on my put it on a fruit of the loom undershirt.

SPEAKER_02 6:03

Not the fruit of the loom undershirt from Target.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

And we're vibing around the club.

SPEAKER_02 6:08

And we were ready to go.

SPEAKER_01 6:09

Yeah, and we spent that whole sack. And now, here we are.

SPEAKER_02 6:12

And now here we are.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

One day I hung out with you at your birthday brunch, and I said, I'm gay.

SPEAKER_02 6:19

I brought you around like I think approximately like 23 different people.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:26

And it is life-changing to be around that many like people who are as loudly queer as my friend group. Like, I think I have some of the coolest friends in the world, and each of them is gayer than the last.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Yes. And I saw that, and hey, the news was right. The agenda got me.

SPEAKER_02 6:45

Like, j I truly think it should be like part of like the autism assessment that they just put you in the same room as somebody who has autism and let them kind of like sniff it out. And I think it's the same thing. Like, if you put me in a room of gay people, it just feels right and correct and true.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

And I think I think there's a there's a part of us that always knew, but we didn't have the language for it yet.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

Yeah, I mean, fair.

SPEAKER_01 7:10

We always knew there was something going on.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

We always knew something was a little fruity, a little different.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

We always knew there was a reason we vibed a little too hard.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Vibed a little too hard in a in a in a girl way. But like in a girl. In a girly pop way. In a girly pop way, but in a girls who will still kiss way.

SPEAKER_03 7:26

I mean, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

I did have to, I did, I did unfortunately, again, I've been here through a lot of eras. I did unfortunately have to be your fake boyfriend for a long time.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

I mean, that is true.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

It is true.

SPEAKER_02 7:38

That is true for those of you who weren't there.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

Devastating for me.

SPEAKER_02 7:43

That was a devastating devastating.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

I can laugh about that. Yeah. Hey, it was a tough time.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

We've been through so much fun and devastation together, and it's kind of funny that we have that kind of friendship that we can go a long time without seeing each other or like you know getting the opportunity to hang out, and it just feels it continues to feel normal whenever I see you.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

When I went to that birthday brunch, I hadn't seen you in fuck who knows how long.

SPEAKER_02 8:10

No, ironically was just like, um, I'm inviting like 23 different Barbies.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

Do you want to go? And I was like working my little security job. I was like, sure, I'll go.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

Do you want to come get a do you want to come day drink with a bunch of gay people?

SPEAKER_01 8:22

With my bully graphic tea.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

And I said, And then everyone loved you and continues to love you.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

And that day I went, damn, you know what's crazy? Sometimes I like boys. And the pipeline started there. And now I'm a girl who mostly likes girls, but sometimes I still like boys.

SPEAKER_02 8:38

But like every now and again, liking a boy is acceptable.

SPEAKER_01 8:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:42

Not ideal.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Not ideal.

SPEAKER_02 8:44

But acceptable.

SPEAKER_01 8:45

Sisman to the back.

SPEAKER_02 8:47

Back of the line.

SPEAKER_01 8:48

No. Trans men and trans masks. To the front.

SPEAKER_02 8:52

There's there's levels.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

There's very levels to this shit.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

Exactly. It really just depends on like what what the vibe is for sure.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

But like and the vibe is yes.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

The vibe is yes. The current vibe. Yes, and yes, and because you're in your improvement. It's so embarrassing.

SPEAKER_00 9:12

I did. I did.

SPEAKER_02 9:13

Why is it embarrassing? I think it's so cool. It's not, it is, it is really cool. As you know, I'm like a theater kid and I do a lot of theater and I know a lot of fellow theater kids. Yes. And so many of us are so afraid of improv. Like it's one of like the first things that will come out of a theater kid's mouth is like, oh god, I'm terrified of improv. I will just you have to have a certain extent of comfortability getting from point A to point B if something goes wrong. Like that's a given. But true improv is scary to me.

SPEAKER_01 9:43

I think that's why, because I remember the first class I did, I was shitting myself. I was so scared, right? Obviously, I have like for someone who's been a performer as long as I have, I have like horrific social anxiety um and like secondhand embarrassment. But like within the first five minutes, I had that realization of like I'm I'm built for this shit. I forget sometimes I forget that I'm like very witty and quick. And we did like the first exercise, and I was like, no, I this is what I'm doing. This is what I'm supposed to be doing.

SPEAKER_02 10:13

Actually, this is great.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

I was having the time of my life, it's so fun. And like, does that mean I'm gonna join a troop and be do improv forever? Probably not. There's other stuff I want to try, but like you know, I'm having an improv show, um, and I probably will keep doing classes just to work on like characters and wit. Because I also want to try acting. A huge kill.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

Yeah, and it will translate to so many other things. Like, you're just kind of a performer through and through.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

And it again, it's just such a backbone that so many of us like fear like deeply.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

It's I will say, like, it is a very accepting space. Like, we clap and cheer for each other after everything. Even if someone fucks something up, like we're not shit talking to them, we're not making fun of them. Somebody blows something, we just clap and cheer.

SPEAKER_02 10:55

It's kind of a space that like I feel like inherently requires that level of vulnerability that you are just saying something without necessarily getting to think it through.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 11:04

And so it's like some things may come out.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

Yes, that's that's strange and weird. That's what scares me about stand-up. I have you know me. I'm funny, I'm good at telling stories. I've been basically doing stand-up for my friends for years, but like something about getting up in front of a crowd of yeah, you know, you know me, I'm that one. Um, but like something about getting up in front of a crowd of strangers and doing it. Because I feel like inherently, especially like open mics, people are so like adverse to laugh. Like it's a challenge.

SPEAKER_02 11:33

I like I don't know this boost. I think I also agree with that. Like, even just as like a theater goer or someone going to live performances, like we live in such like not to sound like a boomer or whatever, but like we do live in such like a heavily digital age that like I think people have kind of forgotten or never really learned how to behave as a live audience member. Yes, and so I think like sometimes people forget that like it's okay to laugh and make noise, and that live performers truly feed off of that, absolutely and that it makes it a better experience for you to be a part of it, and that's the difference between watching a live performance and something on a screen, yeah, and but like audiences are just so quiet.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

I need scared you to be loud, like I need you to please.

SPEAKER_02 12:14

Yeah, I like especially like I love being that first person in an audience to like laugh out loud at something or show other people that it's okay to make noise or be the first person to like this applause, dude. Yeah, I'm ready.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

Well, especially like with wrestling for so long, like it's literally like I there's no matter what performing I do, a a crowd will always feed your energy, but like with wrestling, you can literally feel it like you're drawing from the crowd to pump yourself up. It's like inherently ingrained in the sport. Yeah, it's like literally, like it's what like I hate to bring him up because fuck Hulk Hogan, but like Hulk Hogan, like doing this shit, it's like he's not calling to nobody, bitch. He's calling to you, he's calling to the fucking fans to chip, like you know, to cheer you on. And so like I've been in places where crowds just don't want to, like, you know, I'm wrestling in front of 12 people and they're not cheering, and it's just looks like I thought you were here to have a good time. Yeah, but I will say there's also the inverse where like sometimes I take that as a challenge as a performer and go, if I can get these 12 people on their feet, I'm I know I'm good at my job. Yeah, you know, absolutely I have gotten a room full of no one who looked bored as shit losing their fucking minds, and that's like there's a satisfaction in that. Do I want to do it all the time? Fuck no.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

No, like it obviously, like as a performer, it feels so much better to perform for people who are giving that enthusiasm who want who clearly want to be there and engaged in what you're doing. But like, that's the thing is like you literally just have to keep going no matter what. Yeah, and like I do, as you know, I have like another job where I do kids' birthday parties, we do a lot of like events, and I have the honor of playing Cinderella every October at a local pumpkin patch. And I mean it just makes sense for Cinderella to be at a pumpkin patch.

SPEAKER_04 13:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:59

That girl loves pumpkins, that girl do be loving pumpkins, and we do every weekend we do three shows a day, um, starring Cinderella, and I tell you, I literally feel like Dora the fucking explorer, like talking to the fucking crowd, like about the pumpkin patch and like what we're doing about Halloween, and like and I literally am just like Do you like pumpkins? Do you like pumpkins? Boy be it. Literally, like there it's and like the script is super cute and I love it, but it is very like heavily reliant on like it directly interacting with the kids for sure. Yeah, and so it's super funny when they just are silent and looking at you.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 14:48

They it's it I feel like with kids, especially it's so hard because it's like they either like yell out when they're not supposed to, yeah, or they'll be like trying to get on the stage or like raise their hand and like talk to you in the middle of like your song, or like when you're like doing an important part of the show. Yeah, but then when you like invite them to participate, they're like yeah, they're scared all of a sudden.

SPEAKER_01 15:10

That's that is the one thing that's good with wrestling, is like little kids are easy to fuck with.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

So if I'm in a ring, oh my god, rage bait the hell out of them.

SPEAKER_01 15:17

Oh, if I'm in a ring, I've dude. I one time I made a group of kids so mad because I found out it was their birthday, and the guy I was wrestling was like their karate coach, and I was like, I'm beating his ass. And I made up your hero and I made them so upset that there were parents looking for me after the show, and I was like, that's awesome. I loved it until the day I die.

SPEAKER_02 15:35

There is nothing worse- You're like, I'm actually still chasing that high to this day.

SPEAKER_01 15:39

There is nothing better for me than people being so real life mad at me playing my wrestling character that they want to physically harm me. I had to be escorted with like armed police officers at a show once because I I beat the fuck out of my friend who's she's like four foot nothing, and I was beating her ass. Then I But like paid two? I was paid to. Then I pushed an old man. Then I got on the mic and I just trashed where we were for like five minutes. And when I hopped out of the ring, I just saw a wave of people go like this. Watched all the armed security goes, go, we gotta go.

SPEAKER_02 16:11

You're in danger.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

Yeah, let's get us out of here. And was it the most trans-friendly place on America? No, it wasn't. Those guns were there for a reason.

SPEAKER_02 16:23

But like, again, we're chasing that high.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

We're chasing that. Oh, but it feels so good.

SPEAKER_02 16:28

It was so fucking funny.

SPEAKER_01 16:29

Cackling in the back.

SPEAKER_02 16:30

Cackling. Drinking my fucking lemonade, sipping that shit, reveling in it.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

I love it. I love it so much. Yeah, I want to try, I want to try like traditional, like I want to try like theater acting. I think it I was adverse to it for so long because like being a trans woman who like I'm bigger and I don't voice train. So like I was like, I'm I fear I'm gonna be put in like a lot of male roles.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

Um I mean, like that's a completely valid fear. Like, I know a lot of people don't want to like face this fact, but theater isn't accessible. Um, as much as there are some groups who are doing really amazing things and some people that are doing really amazing things, like at the end of the day, right now, I don't believe theater is an accessible space. And I'm talking folks with disabilities, yes, absolutely as well as trans people. Um and I mean that goes on kind of both sides of the curtain, like it's not accessible from an actor's standpoint for reasons like that, and it's also becoming less and less accessible from an audience perspective because tickets are so expensive, it's just it's hard to get you know time off work or childcare or whatever those barriers may be. But at the end of the day, like theater is something that is like put on by poor people and like enjoyed by rich people, yeah, and unfortunately it's a space that continues to favor a certain kind of person time and time again. Yeah, well, and it's it's nice to see that change a little bit, but I still I still think I I agree with you and understand your fear, and I don't think theater is yet the space that that we want it to be.

SPEAKER_01 18:05

Yeah, I do definitely like there are shows, like I was talking with with Lee about this the other day because we were watching Rocky horror, and like Rocky is something I would very confidently would I'd love to audition for someday because I feel like it is a space where I would just be accepted to do absolutely whatever. Um, and so I would love to like take the steps to do that because who knows? I could do theater and realize I hate it. Is that likely? Probably not, but like you never know. But I'm in my era of like, I want to try all of the what ifs that I had because I've lived with them for so long because I just did one thing for 10 years. It was wrestling. Wrestling's gonna be it. I'm going to the WWE, I'm gonna be a millionaire over there, and then the moment I shot that first shot of Estrogen baby, those dreams went out the fucking window. They are not hiring my ass, they're not putting my trans ass on TV, it's just an unfortunate byproduct of the industry, and that's fine, but like I know wrestling at this point, you know, I'm only 27, and that kind of goes in hand with like in wrestling years. I've been doing it for 10, almost 11 years. I'm a fucking dinosaur. But then I had to take a moment and go, yeah, but in real life, you're not even 30 yet. There's so much time to do other shit. Why not try it all? Try all the stuff you always said, I wish I could have. You can. It's like you were saying earlier today when we were at lunch, like there's so much time to do theater.

SPEAKER_02 19:24

There's so much time. There will always be more shows and there will always be more spaces for you to be in. And like it's so funny that like we grew up with this idea of like youth having a certain expiration date.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

And it's like I've existed less than three decades.

SPEAKER_01 19:41

I haven't even peeked yet.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

In two of them, like I wasn't allowed to like vote or drive a car or like have an adult beverage. You know, like in many of the like in many of the years that I've lived, I haven't had like the autonomy to make my own decisions. I haven't had like the frontal lobe capacity, like I haven't my frontal lobes were not closed yet. Like I was not in my right fucking mind. Like I was a menace to society at many times in my life.

SPEAKER_04 20:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:09

Like so that so to consider like the fact that my youth might be over, almost over is kind of like insane.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Like, oh, you're 30, it's over. It's like, no, bitch, we're starting. This is it, right?

SPEAKER_02 20:22

Yeah, like it's we're still quite new to a lot.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

Yeah, there's a lot that we can still do. And I I I mean, I fully believe that because I feel like I'm at the probably the healthiest and best I've been in my life. And it's me pushing, you know, I'm gonna be 28 next week.

SPEAKER_03 20:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

Yeah, like we're we're vibing. We're pushing. Are you a year older than me or two years older?

SPEAKER_02 20:40

Um, yeah, I'm 28, turning 29 in July.

SPEAKER_01 20:43

Yeah, okay. So you're like about it right right at the the one year of me.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

We're almost the same. You're about to be my age.

SPEAKER_01 20:50

Oh my god, hello. For two home.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

You'll when you're my age, you'll understand.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

When I'm your age, I'll when I grow up.

SPEAKER_02 20:55

Next week, when you're my age, you'll understand that.

SPEAKER_01 20:57

Well, when I when I grow up, I want to be just like you.

SPEAKER_02 20:59

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 21:01

Just like me?

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:02

An elderly person. An elderly person.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

No, we just said 30's not elderly. We can do it. We're running miles now. We're not. I'm not.

SPEAKER_02 21:10

Oh god.

SPEAKER_01 21:11

My shins will go out.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

My my patella is already protesting at the thought. Like.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

I can't run. I can't do it myself.

SPEAKER_02 21:20

There are so many other better forms of cardio, in my humble opinion. Thank you. Um, like I'm that kind of person, if you see me running, you should probably start running also as well, because something is coming.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

Am I running as something chasing me? Absolutely freely.

SPEAKER_02 21:33

Um, I'm not running for fun when there is dance, when there is like almost anything else I can do.

SPEAKER_01 21:40

Even walking. Even walking. I got it. I enjoy it.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

I enjoy a good walk.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

I got in a uh an argument with a friend of mine the other day because they he runs like fucking five miles a day or whatever. And I was like, that's great poopy. I think my knees can handle that.

SPEAKER_02 21:52

Genuinely.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

I was my job in high school was as a football player to beat the shit out of other 250 pounds. Teenagers and my knees aren't don't work anymore. And then I did wrestling for 10 years. She's fucked. My body's so fucked. I have bitch. I literally recently discovered I gave myself a sciatic nerve.

SPEAKER_02 22:11

Girl.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Because one of my moves in wrestling was I would throw someone in the air and I would sit down with them to the ground and I would sit directly to my ass. It was pop a power bomb. And I realized now sometimes when I sit, my fucking tailbone just goes out. Because of directly sitting as hard as I can to my ass for 10 years straight was not great for my spine.

SPEAKER_02 22:30

It was not great.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

No. It wasn't. So now when I come whenever I come back to wrestling, we gotta cut that.

SPEAKER_02 22:36

We gotta cut that move.

SPEAKER_01 22:37

We're going to knees and back.

SPEAKER_02 22:40

We're changing the choreo.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

Oh, I literally have gone through everything that makes me sit to my ass and go, nope, that's out. I'll go to my knees.

SPEAKER_02 22:47

Or I'll like it's for me like years of tumbling like just destroys your knees. Yeah. And then it also doesn't help that your girl is hypermobile and like got thrown around into the sky and dropped a lot.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

Yeah. Like a lot, a lot. Because you did you did competitive cheer too, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were in there.

SPEAKER_02 23:05

I was I was in the trenches in between my like cheer coach's knees getting a facelift ponytail at 445 in the morning and inhaling enough hairspray to like probably kill a a larger animal than myself. And I got there, we did it. Did flips, landing on my little knees, dumping yourself on your head, dumping getting dropped on my head in front of a crowd and just having to get up and keep smiling. That's what I for my entire childhood.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

I used to argue with people about this because I think when people think of cheerleading, they think of like standing on the sidelines to the G to the O, yell go, go. Right?

SPEAKER_02 23:49

And like that's fine. Yeah, we definitely do that.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

When people when I argue with people about cheer being a sport, that's what I think they think we're talking about. Yeah, which like there's stunts during football games too, but like competitive cheer is the sport that people are talking about when they say cheer is a sport. And I'm like, bitch, have you never seen Bring It On? They're fucking going bonkers.com.

SPEAKER_02 24:09

They're they're going full cuckoo banana.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

I did dance and we ain't never done none of that shit.

SPEAKER_02 24:14

No, exactly. It's like cheer is kind of like many sports within one. It's essentially track, there's a lot of running, it's essentially dance, there's a lot of choreo.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

It's kind of like like uh like a floor routine for gymnastics.

SPEAKER_02 24:30

There is a lot of gymnastics, and then depending on like your position within the world of stunting, like if you're a bass, you're lifting other people. Like that's a lot of work.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

I would have been such a good cheerleader because I'm a great bass.

SPEAKER_02 24:44

When I do wrestling, I wouldn't have I wouldn't have fallen and broken my arm twice.

SPEAKER_01 24:49

I could I could have been if you were there to catch me. I could have been the one who popped you up and held you in one hand. Cheek. I fully believe that. That's why in dance everyone wanted to partner with me because I was doing the fucking dirty dancing lift.

SPEAKER_02 25:00

All the girls from dirty dancing.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

All the girls wanted me to lift them up there. They said, Holy shit, I the I opened up doors. Midterm, midterm duets all of a sudden looked very different.

SPEAKER_02 25:08

All of a sudden looked very fun.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

And here we are.

SPEAKER_02 25:11

All of a sudden the rallies were crazy. All of a sudden we were popping off.

SPEAKER_01 25:15

We were popping off. I do miss dancing sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 25:18

Dance is so fun. Why don't you should take a class?

SPEAKER_01 25:20

I should. I'm just so fucking.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

They also like a lot of studios even have like drop-in classes where you don't have to be like enrolled as a long-term student. Like, oh, every Tuesday I come and do tap. Like, I know you don't have time for something like that. But a lot of studios have a set of drop-in where it's like a just like a flat rate you just pay to come into that one class.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

Come in and shake it. When you have time, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:40

Like some studios offer drop-ins.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

I definitely want to do something like that. I just because it's also a more interesting. They're here for me.

SPEAKER_02 25:49

Oh shit, they call me.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

Oh shit. Oh shit. It's such an intr more interesting form of cardio to me than just like walking on an incline or you know, doing the colour.

SPEAKER_02 25:59

Unless like we could complain.

SPEAKER_01 26:00

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 26:02

Be all whiny.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

I like learning a skill if I'm gonna do cardio.

SPEAKER_02 26:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

Like I I get so fucking bored walking on the treadmill. Oh my god. And I know incline's good for you, it's good for burning fat or whatever, but like fuck, I'm 10 minutes in, I'm going, I gotta do this shit for an hour. Are you out of your fucking thing?

SPEAKER_02 26:16

Yeah, like dance, it it makes it fun to wear like I can dance for three hours and by the end of it I'm like I'm like sweaty, I'm exhausted, I'm like sore. But like, could I run or like do any other form of exercise for that long? Most likely not.

SPEAKER_01 26:31

No, that sucks. So my cardio's all been at the club lately.

SPEAKER_02 26:35

Car the clerb?

SPEAKER_01 26:37

Girl, my cardio is at fucking splash in Fresno, California.

SPEAKER_02 26:42

Like, I haven't been to the club in so long, dude.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

Like it's Can we go?

SPEAKER_02 26:48

Like it will be me and my it will be me and my loop earplugs against the world for sure. Um like hashtag not sponsored. Yes, unless. Um unless. Um, however, uh, like it's it's not that it's not fun, but like I also am like so I've I have grown to become quite elderly in in my big age of 28 years old. Like, it's just so much less fun to me to like be in a space that is that loud and be like touched by that many people.

SPEAKER_03 27:27

That's fair.

SPEAKER_02 27:28

And like unfortunately, as a hot girl, it's not safe for me. That's right. Like, I can't just go and have a good time without people being weird towards me or like being concerned about like safety. Um, I I I'm also just a person who carries a lot of childhood trauma. I I don't feel safe almost anywhere, like all the time. Like, I have like I obviously am a grown-up, so we make ourselves leave the house and go job and do things that we need to do. But like it is very hard for me to see to truly feel safe in a public space for sure that is crowded. And so, like, I will go to the club and I will have a good time, but it's like so few and far between. And like I will only go with like my emotional support humans for sure. But you're one of them, you know that.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, I'd fucking keep you safe. I'd literally kill a huge hundred people for you if I had to.

SPEAKER_02 28:18

Like, and it's so funny because like I'm definitely like not afraid to kick a man in the balls, um, or just go full spider monkey and like make a man regret hitting on her. Like, I've already decided, like, if I ever feel unsafe at night, I'm not walking faster. I'm not pulling out the phone and calling a friend. I'm not like I'm not doing any of that. I'm literally turning around. I am planting myself and I'm fucking running toward you because that's not what you're gonna expect. You're gonna try to follow me or make me feel uncomfortable or unsafe, or like you're locked in here before you're trying to approach me. Yeah, not I'm running at you.

SPEAKER_01 28:54

I'm running at you.

SPEAKER_02 28:55

I'm running at you.

SPEAKER_01 28:56

I am the defense. I'm barking.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

I'm barking at men who can't be like, I'm barking and meowing. You don't even know what's like you come near me, uh-uh. I'm barking. Like holy shit. Like, I'm so willing to put a man in his place.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:11

But at the same time, do I want to have to?

SPEAKER_01 29:14

Do you want to have to? Do you want to uh have to put yourself in those situations?

SPEAKER_02 29:17

And also, like, I tired.

SPEAKER_01 29:21

I tired.

SPEAKER_02 29:22

I s I go to bed at like nine o'clock.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

Deglassies at home.

SPEAKER_02 29:26

All my stuff is there.

SPEAKER_01 29:27

All my stuff is here.

SPEAKER_02 29:28

All my books are there.

SPEAKER_01 29:29

Last time I checked Badlands, none of my stuff is there.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

Last time I checked, I don't think any of my books are there. I don't think any of my favorite snacks are there.

SPEAKER_01 29:38

I can't play Baldur's Gate 3 at Badlands.

SPEAKER_02 29:40

I mean, can you imagine though?

SPEAKER_01 29:42

I would.

SPEAKER_02 29:43

I know you would.

SPEAKER_01 29:44

I would. You know, you've been there. You know damn well I love to play video games for an audience.

SPEAKER_02 29:48

Damn well.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

I love it. Oh my god. Badlands sponsor me to chest sit and play video games and like instead of like hiring a DJ, like it's just you play. Hold on, guys.

SPEAKER_02 29:58

Like, zoom, zoom in, zoom in, zoom. Check this out.

SPEAKER_01 30:01

Just hire me to play Kingdom Hearts 2. It's basically the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

It's everyone will love it. You can still shake ass.

SPEAKER_01 30:07

You can put the regular music on, put the mix on, but the screens instead of the music videos, it's just me live playing Kingdom Hearts 2. Exactly. But they will watch me versus Sakurage.

SPEAKER_02 30:18

That shit. They will watch a baddie play a cute game. Oh my god. Play a fun little game.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

I love it. That is still one of my dreams is to go on a live like comedy tour of some type and make audio choose an audience member to play around with Mario Kart against me. Because I truly believe there's not a soul, and don't clip this for in the future when I get famous. I truly believe there's not a soul who can beat me at Mario Kart 7. I don't think they exist. I feel like I'm described to that theory. Thank you. Like finally.

SPEAKER_02 30:48

I don't know anything about about that. But you know everything about me. I just know that it's true.

SPEAKER_01 30:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:56

Like, I don't need any evidence.

SPEAKER_01 30:59

I girl, there's two games no one can beat me at the end.

SPEAKER_02 31:01

I will I will, you know, have blind faith in that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

Mario Kart 7, No one Can Beat Me. Other one, there's a fighting game called Tom and Jerry War of the Whiskers.

SPEAKER_02 31:10

Not War of the Whiskers.

SPEAKER_01 31:11

Throw it on, girl.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

Put that shit on.

SPEAKER_01 31:14

No one can handle me.

SPEAKER_02 31:15

I believe that.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

I believe that. You don't understand what I'm cooking up in here.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

I don't think I do.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

I don't think.

SPEAKER_02 31:22

I actually don't think I do. And you're right. But but I'm okay with that. Like I'm I'm willing to grow and learn.

SPEAKER_01 31:29

And learn.

SPEAKER_02 31:30

This is a safe space.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:32

For Tom and Jerry.

SPEAKER_01 31:34

For my deep dive on Tom and Jerry War the White.

SPEAKER_02 31:35

For your deep dive on the I didn't know there was so much lore like that.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

That's actually where I brought you here. It wasn't to do the pod. That mic's been off the whole time.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

Nobody gives a flying fart what you have to say.

SPEAKER_01 31:46

Who cares? This is actually a three-hour deep dive on Tom and Jerry Wore the Whiskers for the PS2. The lights. It's a fucking projection that comes on. Alright, so Tom.

SPEAKER_02 31:55

So Thomas.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

Thomas, Jerry. That's and Jerrylyn Thomas.

SPEAKER_02 32:00

Oh shit.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

It's kind of a yeah, they have kind of a beautiful thing going here. Yeah, that's beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 32:06

They're actually in love and gay.

SPEAKER_01 32:09

That's how it ends.

SPEAKER_02 32:10

This is the deep dive.

SPEAKER_01 32:11

That's what's happening.

SPEAKER_02 32:12

In this essay, I will prove.

SPEAKER_01 32:14

I will prove that Tom and Jerry fuck.

SPEAKER_02 32:17

That they boink.

SPEAKER_01 32:19

Yeah, it's basically heated rivalry.

SPEAKER_02 32:20

But they that that this Tom and Jerry is my heated rivalry.

SPEAKER_01 32:24

That's my heated rivalry, Tom and Jerry. Why do you think they're chasing each other? It's all about the chase dealer.

SPEAKER_02 32:30

It seems kind of gay.

SPEAKER_01 32:31

I'm sorry. You're a boy chasing another boy.

SPEAKER_02 32:34

Interesting.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

Seems like something two gay men would do. Think about that.

SPEAKER_02 32:42

It's marinating. Like the tension is there. It really is. And I can't wait to see your PowerPoint on that.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

Yeah. It's being presented. One time.

SPEAKER_02 32:54

I didn't bring anything to take notes, but I just have a feeling I'll retain it all.

SPEAKER_01 32:57

You yeah. There you truly can't get rid of it.

SPEAKER_02 33:00

You can't.

SPEAKER_01 33:01

No, it'll be there till the day you die.

SPEAKER_02 33:03

No, like you'll I'll be dying of dementia, talking about the fucking Tom and Jerry lore. My grand my great-grandchildren will be sobbing and weeping.

SPEAKER_01 33:12

But now they know.

SPEAKER_02 33:12

But now they know the lore. And I can ascend.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

It's like the ring tape.

unknown 33:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

If you know, if you learn the Tom and Jerry lore, you will fucking die in seven days. Fuck, dude. But I have a really important meeting next week, dog. Like, I can't afford to learn the Tom and Jerry lore right now.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Bring it up in the meeting. Get everyone.

SPEAKER_02 33:33

Oh shit. That's actually how my sequel starts. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

This sounds like a creepypasta.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

It probably is.

SPEAKER_01 33:39

I miss creepypasta. I miss that era. Can I tell everyone about the the time where this this truly goes to show you our relationship? So I told you when you got in my car today, I love you so much, but you are unfortunately one of those she thes that I can't get out of the fucking house.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

I'm like a stray cat that needs to be like lured over time.

unknown 33:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:57

Like a tunic.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

And it's like a little surprise every time I get to see you. Like, oh shit, she's back. She's back. It's been months this time. Wow. And then every other time I just think she died somewhere.

SPEAKER_02 34:05

I might have.

SPEAKER_01 34:06

Um but one time I hadn't talked to you in like months. Texting, talking, seeing each other. And then I just get an Instagram DM that is a picture of a message with the message icon of Jeff the Killer's face, and it just says, I'm going to Jeff the Kill You.

SPEAKER_02 34:24

Honestly, I think I'm a man of my word because I do believe I did come back in Jeff the Kill me.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

You did come back in Jeff the Kill Me, actually.

SPEAKER_02 34:32

Stop. I fucking forgot about that, but that sounds like something that I would hear. That doesn't sound like a lot of things.

SPEAKER_01 34:38

So fucking funny. I love it though.

SPEAKER_02 34:41

I'm not even a little bit surprised. Like, no. I think sending a silly little DM is a love language.

SPEAKER_01 34:47

It is. I unfortunately like I'm I'm in my healing and growing era because I take everything deeply personally, and uh I have so much love to give, mostly because I'm annoying. So like I will send people paragraphs, and if I don't get that re like reciprocated, I'm like, cool, so you want me dead.

SPEAKER_02 35:05

So you literally actually so so you're beating me in public, you're beating me in the town square and throwing fucking tomatoes at me in front of my mom and my grandma.

SPEAKER_01 35:14

I know we literally didn't have any plans, and the last time we talked, you were telling me about how busy we are, but like the fact that you didn't respond to this message, I'm starting to think you might have questionable morals, even.

SPEAKER_02 35:24

I'm starting to be concerned.

SPEAKER_01 35:26

Yeah. What do you think about the trans community?

SPEAKER_02 35:28

So you're transphobic now, too.

SPEAKER_01 35:30

Interesting. I'm just saying people who aren't transphobic would message me back.

SPEAKER_02 35:34

I'm just saying, like, just because you're non-binary doesn't mean you're saved.

SPEAKER_01 35:37

Exactly. From transphobia. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 35:39

It affects us all.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

I'm so fucking tired of this. It's dude, I had to talk, I had to talk about this with Foreman too. I'm got when God put me here to be one of his beautiful and most strongest soldiers, he said, I'm putting all of the most amazing, beautiful women around you, and none of them want to speak to you.

SPEAKER_02 35:56

I just don't want to speak to anybody.

SPEAKER_01 35:58

Exactly. And I but that's not what God told me.

SPEAKER_02 36:01

But God actually spoke to me. She whispered in my ear and told me everything.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

She said, actually, it's all about you.

SPEAKER_02 36:09

But like, God tells me that too sometimes. That's okay.

SPEAKER_01 36:13

Well, it is all about you.

SPEAKER_02 36:14

No, literally, I live in my own little world, and we're working on that too, because we're also like in our growth and healing.

SPEAKER_01 36:21

We're grounding, we're grounding, we're naming three things we can see.

SPEAKER_02 36:24

Literally, um, two things we can taste, etc. Something I can smell. Um like it's true though. It I like I think we mentioned this a little bit earlier, too, is like it there are so many different like flavors of friendship, and like we have gone through so many eras, and sometimes like we're in the same era at the same time, and sometimes we're not.

SPEAKER_01 36:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:48

And like I I really, I really struggle with digital friendship, and that is like Yes, absolutely. That sounds like such a cop-out to just be like, oh, I'm a bad texture, but it's it's deeper than that for me. It's like I literally there is just a disconnect that I feel, and like I do really struggle living in my own little world, and I am just I literally have something called chronic fatigue syndrome, yeah, and I work like a big girl job and go to rehearsals after work, and I am just like, I am already like I I truly feel like like this is an ADHD and autism metaphor, like I've heard before. Like, I didn't come up with this, but it's something like I really strongly relate to. It's like I feel like as humans, like to be functional in society and exist, like we were all like we all were given like a handful of marbles that we're supposed to hold. And I feel like nobody told me that everyone else has a bag for their marbles, and I didn't get one. Absolutely. And I feel like I'm struggling to not drop them, and there are so many different ones like representing friendships and like work balance and like self-care and hobbies and like relationships and everything. Like, I genuinely feel like I don't know how to hold all of them at the same time, and it just it seems so easy for everyone else. Yeah, and as somebody who like I literally like I graduated high school a year early, I had sports scholarships, I had a 4.3 GPA. I was like overachieving my entire life because that was like in a way an expectation of me. Like as somebody with like the level of childhood trauma that I had, it's like there was like a deep need within me to do things a certain way and to not like align with certain statistics and to like work really hard. And like when you start setting those expectations of like overachieving at a young age, like it becomes the expectation like from the adults around you, and like they mean well, of course, but it's like I learned from a very young age how I would get praised for not having needs, you know, that I was a good kid because I was quiet and I didn't get in trouble and I didn't bother anybody and I got good grades, and so like I was something that at family functions or like grown-ups talking to their friends, you know, they could talk about how like she's doing so good in school, like she got an A on another, whatever the fuck. It's like, and then over the years it just kind of became like, well, this is what you're capable of, and therefore it's expected. And it's like I got a really negative relationship with like productivity and self-care, yeah, and like a need for praise, and it just like you hit a certain breaking point with that kind of stuff. That it's like I I really learned isolation as a coping mechanism, like at an incredibly young age because I was rewarded for it. Yeah, I was rewarded for you know being quiet in my room when you know horrible things were happening, like within my family dynamics, like my parents dying, and like, you know, like horror, like literally like losing siblings, like losing cousins, losing so many people and so many things, and you know, like very complicated family dynamics like within my family. And I was heavily rewarded for dealing with those things silently and dealing with them on my own and not expecting any like support um or creating any waves for the adults around me. Yeah, and so like now it's just so hard to let go of. Like when I become even a little bit overwhelmed, like my instinct is to just like isolate. My instinct is to just like not even shut down because like I I maintain productivity, but I just kind of drop everything else, like as far as like checking in with friends and like doing my hobbies and things I enjoy doing. It's like the first thing to go is that it's like I just am like okay, Ivy, in order to like get through this inconvenience or this like annoying thing or difficult thing, you just have to focus entirely on you and just do it and do it alone and like not bother a soul, yeah, you know, and it's so funny because the like the queer community and like the neurodivergent community and the theater community, like so many wonderful like groups that I've surrounded myself with are people who are a community, yeah. Like, you know, they're people who actually like would be there for me, and sometimes I don't let them, and we're working on that. Yeah, like it is nine times easier because like I said, trauma has taught me like from a very young age that like nothing will get done if I don't do it, and like that you know, uh that there is nothing for me to gain by opening up in that way, and that it is so much easier to just like not leave my house when I'm overwhelmed instead of like participating in other spaces that like I want to be there for my friends too as much as I know they would be there for me, and I struggle with letting them. It's like in the same sense, like if you want a village, you have to be willing to be a villager, right? And I do like I love that metaphor, but at the same time, it's like I I think it it's kind of a slippery slope of saying that people who don't have something to offer or aren't in a place in their life that they can give and you know what I mean, it's very transactional. It yeah, it almost makes it feel transactional, and that's like such a big fear of mine. Yeah, is that like I'm like, well, if I don't let other people do things for me, then that way if I do things for them, it's not transactional. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so like we're we're definitely working on that, but I do think that's like the the main thing that I struggle with is just like not living in my own little world, yeah. And part of it is just this digital age, man. Like, like you were saying how hard it is for you, like with texting relationships and like digital connection, that it's like for some reason, if I'm sitting in front of you, I'll like yap for hours. But if you send me something like digitally and I'm like looking at it, and my brain just cannot like focus in order to like respond in a timely manner, especially if I have other things going on. I always like convince myself I'll come back to it, but then of course I don't, yeah, and it gets like cuckoo bananas.

SPEAKER_01 43:24

Yeah, I'm starting to get that a little bit. Like, I I feel like I was having the opposite at first, because like I'm someone who, if someone sends me a text, just one or two sentences, I'll send back four paragraphs because I just talk a lot and I text the same way I talk, right? Like I text exactly the same way I talk, I yap a lot, I have 30 things to say. Um but but I was in a similar boat with with like anytime I'm overwhelmed, anytime I'm sad, anytime things aren't going right. I was locking myself in my house, not going anywhere, not seeing people, not doing things. And recently I've started like forcing myself to go to things, go do things, because some and the trade-off with that is sometimes it is a bad time. Sometimes I go to something and I go, this sucks. You know, like I want to.

SPEAKER_02 44:12

But I'm like, I sometimes have to like ask myself, like, because like I do have, I said, chronic fatigue syndrome. Like I am a disabled person. And sometimes it is genuinely harder for me than other people to get out of the house. There's different circumstances. There's different circumstances, but sometimes like I do fear that I like am leaning on that fact. And I have to like ask myself, like, are are we really just avoiding going because we're anxious or because we're like, are we are we just a little bit tired? Are we actually feeling like the fatigue? Yeah, for sure. But it like I have to really ask myself.

SPEAKER_01 44:43

Like not using it like you know as a crutch, essentially, to be like, well, I can't go. I have chronic fatigue.

SPEAKER_02 44:48

Like, exactly. Like sometimes I do like fear that that's what I'm doing. You know, it's like I am trying to encourage myself to like I I as a disabled person and a chronic pain girly, I have an incredibly high pain tolerance, but I fear my discomfort tolerance is can it can be on the lower side. Yeah. Well, and I always tell people too, like, I I think there's a certain level.

SPEAKER_01 45:11

It's a good thing to have, like, and a skill. There's a certain level I think you should push yourself to do things, push yourself to do things out of your comfort zone. But at the same time, if you know you're going somewhere and you know without a doubt you're going to have a bad time, why would you want to do that to yourself or to the people you're around?

SPEAKER_02 45:27

I think that's a very fair That's been like the basis of some of my decisions of like having to unfortunately be that like autistic disabled person to cancel a plan at the last minute is it's like, yes, could I potentially rally and like make myself go and maybe even have like a semi-decent time by the end of it? Sure.

SPEAKER_04 45:46

Right.

SPEAKER_02 45:46

But I'm also aware that at least for the good chunk of that, if not all of the night, I'm not going to be fun to be around.

SPEAKER_01 45:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:53

That's not fair to like the people that I'm that want my company. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

Or to yourself. Like, why would you want everyone in this scenario to not be having a good time?

SPEAKER_02 46:02

Like, it's not fun for anyone at that point. And as I do I do try to think critically and be honest with myself about whether or not that's the true situation.

SPEAKER_01 46:12

I think that's all you can do.

SPEAKER_02 46:13

But like because of my struggles with digital friendship just not working for me, it means I unfortunately have to like not be so agoraphobic and like I need to participate in friendships in person.

SPEAKER_01 46:25

Yeah. I think too, like, I'm also trying to connect with people in a way where it's like because obviously you know I make jokes about like oh, I'm going to the club so much more and I'm having fun. I am, I'm having fun. I do enjoy the club. I think it's an experience I didn't get a ton of uh yet when I was younger, so like I'm kind of having it now. Um, and it's a blast. I love drinking, I love meeting new people, especially like queer. When we went to Splash, we just met these two people and they were hanging out with us the whole night, and like now we're friends. Um, but I do think we need more spaces. I we need more queer spaces without alcohol, that's always the truth. But I think we also need to get more comfortable just like having a night in with friends.

SPEAKER_02 47:05

Yes, I think that's so fucking rare for some reason. Like, besties, I love you all, but like I'm so sick of buying like a new outfit for every time I want to see my friends because there's always like a fucking themed gathering where it's like like and that's fun, and I love love that. But it's like, do we really need to does it really need to be balls to the wall just to see one another every single time? And it's fun to create an excuse to get together and have like a themed party, and that's fine every now and again, but it is starting to feel like every like queer function is like a themed costumed event, yeah, alcohol, we don't need to buy an alien costume, like an extreme volume in drinking, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:46

And it's like, why can't we all just like get together and watch a movie?

SPEAKER_02 47:49

We like why why can't I just make you dinner? I am an excellent cook. I love to make food. Why can't I just make you dinner and we can watch something? Um, or like please invite me to your errands. Like, I will go to the club every now and again, but if you are t if you're one of those people trying to lure me out of the house like the little stray cat I am, invite me to go on your fucking errands. Like, yeah, I want to go to the pharmacy with you to pick up your prescription.

SPEAKER_00 48:18

You're telling them.

SPEAKER_02 48:19

Yes, you don't want to drive all the way downtown to your doctor's appointment or you want somebody to hold your hand. Sure, or you don't know how to cook and you have a hot girl coming over. I will literally we have mutual friends, I have done this for. Um, I will come to your apartment and clean and cook a fucking meal and then leave. I like so you can have a wonderful night.

SPEAKER_01 48:39

I literally love movies and shit so much, and I there's so many times I wish I'm like, just come to my house. I want to show you this movie that I know you haven't seen.

SPEAKER_02 48:46

Yeah, or even like just doing your own thing next to friends is always so rewarding.

SPEAKER_01 48:51

I yeah, that's I feel like like even more rare.

SPEAKER_02 48:54

Me reading my book while you're playing your game, iconic. I love I absolutely love parallel play, I love body doubling and just kind of having get stuff done hangouts, and like not needing a party or an excuse like to just be here.

SPEAKER_01 49:11

I the amount of times I've now you saw my my work office today, the amount of times I've I've had friends who I'm like trying to like reconnect or catch up with, I just go swing by for lunch and we'll order a lunch and I'll just be in my office. Just like I'm also doing something on the computer real quick, but we're just having lunch and talking, hanging out, and then they leave. We didn't go anywhere really, like they were just happened to be out on the town or live close by, and we just had a quick lunch, and then that was it.

SPEAKER_04 49:34

And it's like that's the best.

SPEAKER_01 49:36

It's great. I want more shit like that. Again, I love the club, it's fun sometimes.

SPEAKER_02 49:40

Like, I want to go out and drink and rage and have fun, but like right, that's all well and good, but I'm like at the point in my life where I I just I like the little things. I you know, one of like the best hangouts I've like had in a long time recently is like I have a very dear friend who has like these two super adorable little little girls, and like it like it's hard out there for moms. Like, I s a strong opinion I have is that mothers and children are a marginalized group in our country, and so many people like don't want to have that conversation. Like, this world is not meant for moms and their kiddos, like there are so many barriers that they face just to like leave the house, yeah, and maintain adult friendships, and like I I definitely have strong, strong, strong opinions about that. But like one of the best hangouts I had in a really long time was just like her reaching out to me and just being like, Hey, I just need somebody, like let's just be around each other. And I literally just spent the whole day with her, and we like we fed the girls, like we went to the library with the girls, like we we did have some time just us as well, which was nice, but like we had to go pick them up at a certain point, like from school, and and all that good stuff, and like it's the nighttime routine is like stressful and crazy, and instead of just being like after dinner, like okay, let me go home, good night, good to see you. Like I did the nighttime routine with the girls, like I took them upstairs, we brushed teeth, we picked out outfits for school, we like got comfy and got into bed, all that fun stuff. So, like my friend could actually like prepare for her day, like you know, like get the kitchen tidied up or whatever she wanted to do, and like then once the girls were down, we had a little bit more time to like sit and have a glass of wine and chat. Like, and it was literally like the best day I've ever had, like, in a long time. It was beautiful, and it was just so mundane and perfect, and like that's just like the exact flavor of friendship that like will get me to leave the house.

SPEAKER_01 51:45

Yeah, I think that's what we need. I'm tired. I'm tired, I'm working 11 hours a day, like every day.

SPEAKER_02 51:51

You're too pretty for that, and that's evil.

SPEAKER_01 51:53

It is evil, it's diabolical. It's diabolical, but now we know you're gonna come cook for me.

SPEAKER_02 51:59

I would love to.

SPEAKER_01 52:00

I would also love to. I miss your cooking. You're so good at it.

SPEAKER_02 52:03

I would love to make yummy food for pretty girls and anyone because like I think well, my acts of service has always been my love language for sure. Yeah, like I mean, as a disabled girly, like get off me. Don't don't touch me. There's dishes in the sink.

SPEAKER_01 52:20

Yeah, like what do you mean I gotta clean these fucking dishes?

SPEAKER_02 52:22

Like, exactly. Like, I can't relax and focus and like snuggle or like have a sexual experience when the trash is overflowing.

unknown 52:32

Like, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 52:34

Like, I like access service has always been my lovely.

SPEAKER_01 52:37

If you want to get if you want to get down to business, we're doing a fucking deep clean first.

SPEAKER_02 52:41

We're doing it, yeah. Like, I would much rather I'm like, don't buy me flowers at all.

SPEAKER_01 52:45

That's more shit I'm gonna have to clean.

SPEAKER_02 52:47

That's more shit that I'm gonna have to clean.

SPEAKER_01 52:49

More shit on these countertops.

SPEAKER_02 52:50

That's more shit on these countertops. I'm sick of the clutter. No, but like I I think cooking is like another level of that. Like feeding people is just like one of the most special things, I think.

SPEAKER_01 53:02

Well, and foods all I feel like food's always been such a huge love language universally across the world. Like, it is truly a way people speak to each other that I think is very underappreciated. Like, I I've had some fucking beautiful meals cooked by people, and it's just like there's nothing about food that's like brought me to tears. I dude, oh my god. I know like truly.

SPEAKER_02 53:22

I've had spiritual food experiences, spiritually, sexually, all of the above.

SPEAKER_01 53:28

All of the above.

SPEAKER_02 53:29

Like hangry, horngree, horngree.

SPEAKER_01 53:32

I'm eating these scallops, I'm coming.

SPEAKER_02 53:34

I have a shellfish allergy. Unfortunately, I cannot eat scallops, but like I will be in the cuck chair for the scallops.

SPEAKER_01 53:42

I'm putting myself in the cuck chair while you uh while I watch you eat the scallops.

SPEAKER_02 53:46

Go ahead and take a bite.

SPEAKER_01 53:47

Clip that that's the that's the thumbnail. Oh, dude, I can't wait for every comment to be how everyone's in love with you.

SPEAKER_02 53:55

Um, that's terrifying.

SPEAKER_01 53:57

It sucks.

SPEAKER_02 53:58

I had my I had so much pressure to be to have to have so many fans.

SPEAKER_01 54:02

Oh my god, it's disgusting. I had uh a friend of ours who I won't say their shoot name because they were using their artist name, which is Ana Clario, my dear friend Ana Clario.

SPEAKER_02 54:12

My baby. I literally love them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:14

Shout out them, shout out Ana Clario, we love each other.

SPEAKER_02 54:17

Shout out Anna Clario.

SPEAKER_01 54:18

Um, but like would kill and die for them.

SPEAKER_02 54:20

I had to tell them And they know that.

SPEAKER_01 54:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:22

When like, so Kevin and I eloped, as you know, because like we were going to have like the whole big wedding shebang, but my dad was very sick at the time, and it became very important to me to you know get married while he was still alive.

SPEAKER_04 54:39

Right.

SPEAKER_02 54:40

And truthfully, I was right to do so because he passed away like two or three months after we eloped. And so it everything worked out the way I think it should have. And we were like, we'll come back to it, we'll have like a wedding later. Um, but then a really, really funny thing happened in the year of our Lord 2020 that you know prevented that. And then, you know, life just gets carried away, and we just now we've been together. We now we've been married seven years, and we just have never had the opportunity really to have like a big ceremony. But to make a short story long, the reason I bring this up is because when that was in the works, Anacleo was one of my bridesmaids, literally one of my favorite humans in the world.

SPEAKER_01 55:16

They're so wonderful. I love them. Yeah, I had to I did have to text them out. I posted the first clip of our episode together, and like seven different men DM'd me and was like, Who is that? And I was like, none of your fucking business, pal.

SPEAKER_02 55:28

That's no I actually there's nobody, there's nobody here. Yeah, what do you mean? That chair is empty.

SPEAKER_01 55:34

Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 55:35

They've been dead for 25 years, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:37

And I had to text him and be like, You're ruining my fucking DMs. I need you to cool out.

SPEAKER_02 55:41

I need you to be less gorgeous.

SPEAKER_01 55:43

I need you to actually be less so attractive because I'm gonna be.

SPEAKER_02 55:45

I need you to be less funny and amazing and fantastic. Yeah, could you do that for me?

SPEAKER_01 55:50

Let's spread the wealth a little bit, huh? Like let's bring that energy to the table for everyone, guys.

SPEAKER_02 55:57

Let's let's let's slide in the DMs about how hot all of your friends are.

SPEAKER_01 56:02

Thank you. They're all Maybe not my 17-year-old brother, but the rest of them.

SPEAKER_02 56:06

Certainly not. Certainly not.

SPEAKER_01 56:08

No, unless you're 17 or younger, then do whatever you want. But also, if you're 17 years younger, don't slide in my but also don't slide in the DMs.

SPEAKER_02 56:13

Don't talk to me. I'm not like I'm not interested in being friends with a child. Do your homework. Love you, respectfully, love you. Do you please do your homework?

SPEAKER_01 56:22

Please do your homework. Like, I didn't.

SPEAKER_02 56:24

I didn't.

SPEAKER_01 56:25

But hey, we're shining examples. You don't have to do your homework sometimes. We shouldn't say that. We should not say that you don't have to. If you don't do your homework, kids, you'll end up successful and hot.

SPEAKER_02 56:35

You'll end up successful and hot.

SPEAKER_01 56:37

Don't be a fucking nerd dork.

SPEAKER_02 56:40

Exactly. School is for nerds.

SPEAKER_01 56:42

School's for nerds.

SPEAKER_02 56:44

And not baddies.

SPEAKER_01 56:45

Not baddies on hot bitch time.

SPEAKER_02 56:48

It is hot bitch time.

SPEAKER_01 56:50

Baby, I have a question for you. Me? Well, number one question, first of all, how dare you come in come in here looking so beautiful?

SPEAKER_02 56:57

I'm in my I am in the comfiest clothes.

SPEAKER_01 57:00

And you still look so hot.

SPEAKER_02 57:02

Like, I'm actually really proud of myself because normally, like, I have to have like the posture of a shrimp that I'm allergic to and sit like I don't want to sit crisscross appi sauce in your nice chairs.

SPEAKER_01 57:13

You can sit however you want.

SPEAKER_02 57:15

I'm dressed like a little you can sit upside down if you want.

SPEAKER_01 57:17

I don't know being upside down. Yeah, don't say that.

SPEAKER_02 57:20

I'm I'm dressed like a very comfy little rat on her day off for sure.

SPEAKER_01 57:24

You are a rat man. We've figured this out today. You are a little rat man.

SPEAKER_02 57:28

Rat claws.

SPEAKER_01 57:29

Rat claws. There's the thumbnail.

SPEAKER_02 57:31

There's the thumbnail. Rats.

SPEAKER_01 57:32

Rats. Um I have a question for you. I ask all of my guests this at the end of every episode. I ask them, what is something that is underrated to you? It could be a piece of media, it could be a place, it could be a person, it could be a lifestyle choice. But something that you feel needs more love and attention in the world today.

SPEAKER_02 57:54

Absolutely. I think something that has honestly changed my life and is becoming less underrated for sure, but I still think is underrated. I'm gonna say audiobooks. Because there's a lot of as you know, I'm a book girly. I have read 23 books. You're on a tear right now. I'm on a tear. Um, I have read 23 books so far in 2026. And I am still going. Um and we love an office job. We love an office job where sometimes I can sit and read between clients. It's great. Um, and honestly, it's all I do at home too. But I think there's like a lot of discourse about like audiobooks don't count, or like and I think at the end of the day, it's accessibility, it's convenience, and it's no different. You're still absorbing the story and retaining it in the same way. And sometimes like you're in you got shit to do. Sometimes you got dishes to do, and it's nice to like I'm like a little iPad baby. I can't like do my little dishes without my little headphones on and listen to my little story. But like it's just as good for your brain, I think. Um like the vocab that you learn from reading, insane. Like sometimes you learn new words, um and like just taking in. I especially read like a wide range of different types of authors from different walks of life, and like you I think like all books are autograph, like autobiographical to a certain extent. Like you can't like I think create art that isn't a little bit a piece of you. And so like taking in as many stories as possible, I think is just something that will make you a more empathetic person, a more emotionally intelligent person. And I think there's like a lot of like discourse in general, like in the book community about like what about audiobooks and whether or not it's real reading and whether or not like for sure it counts. And I think audiobooks have been a life changer and have really helped me when I was trying to get back into reading as somebody who for like years and years like I I I used to chew through books like a monster when I was a lot younger, and I kind of fell out of it for a really long time, and it was so hard for me to get back into reading, and audiobooks were like a great bridge for that, and honestly, sometimes like I'm so deeply engrossed in a story, I'm like sitting and reading, and then it's like, oh, I have to get up and go do something. Let me fast forward that audiobook to the chapter I'm on so I can continue my story while living my life, you know. It's like audiobooks are so underrated as like just a form of media, and like it's sometimes like they're even a better experience. Like, I will admit I have to speed those bitches up because they be I would be reading way too fast. So like I have to read that on like at least 1.5, like listen to that shit. But audiobooks are precious, and I think like we should just be encouraging people who and in general, like that's my hot take is that like we shouldn't be discouraging people from reading at all. No, um, whether it's like my girlies who want to read their smut books, and like we get told all the time that those are books like without substance, and that those, you know, also don't count in a similar way to audiobooks, and it's like hmm, stories about female protagonists with a lot of autonomy that are usually like about very poignant political things and often involve like women, you know, fighting against systems that be and it's sometimes experiencing sexual pleasure. It's a one it's it's no wonder the powers that be don't want us to read those. Um but just in general, I don't think we should be discouraging. Yeah, but I think it's happening a lot, and people love to argue about the right and wrong way to read and the right and wrong things to read. Yeah. And I just think people should be reading more. A lot of the things we complain about, um, like in interpersonal relationships, can sometimes be solved by reading. Like, oh, why are men not romantic anymore? Because they don't read.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:51

Because they don't fucking read.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:52

They don't read. They're not reading these books that the women are.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:57

Audiobooks are my underrated icon.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:00

Absolutely. It's I truly think like I there's so many books I've now I haven't, you know, I'm not 23 books in or whatever. I'm not on my book girly shit, but when I first started this new job I was at, and I was just all day doing, you know, hand-to-hand stuff, I got tired of the YouTube videos I was listening to. I didn't have any podcasts, and I was like, well, let me read, uh let me read. I read Sunrise on the Reaping, and I just was like, sh fuck it, let me give it a try. And it was so entertaining and like so I forget that books I think the thing that was really appealing to me is I forget that books have such less limitations than film and TV because it's all in here. So like I'm listening to a book where a kid's getting their fucking head cut off, and I'm like, holy shit, like I know that's not gonna be in the movie, but like there's so many, and then like I got into like Splatterpunk for a while because I think it's such an interesting genre. I do think sometimes it loses its meaning. You know, Splatterpunk is like, yeah, it's like very, you know, let's write the grossest shit we can because fuck censorship, which I fuck with. I fuck with that heavy. But I also need there to be some stubs substance in in that. So like there's a lot of really great splatterpunk books, and there's a lot of ones that are just like, what's the most depraved thing I can think of? Sometimes you gotta take a gamble and you get one or the other. Um, but I really like I think it called to me because I love horror so much, and there's nothing scarier than having someone describe something to you scary, like something scary to you, and then now it's whatever happens in here is what you're seeing. And I was like, that's perfect. Like someone describing something vaguely scary to me, and now everything I'm afraid of is being projected onto that. Exactly, and it was like such a beautiful experience for that. And then you know, I read other ones like I really I think I told you earlier, I really enjoyed the long walk and I wanted to compare it to the book. Um, and the book was really good. It's I think it's less good than the movie, but it was like an like I wouldn't have I literally I read that book and I I paced up and down the parking lot at my work to the same pace that they walk in the movie because it's just something about that book like I need to lock in.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:05

I can't even do this.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:06

I am in the long walk.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:08

I am walking.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:09

That's such an exp like I felt like I was I was like immersed because I'm literally listening to these characters talk to each other on this long walk while my dumbass was on a long walk, and like there's such an immersion to that, especially with the audio, that I can't get that if I'm sitting down reading the book. I think it was such a for me personally, if you fully don't fuck with audiobooks, because also like my my initial aversion to audiobooks, for some reason you know me, we were talking about this earlier. I love creepypastas. I grew up Oh fuck yeah, I used to love creepypastas.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:41

That was an era that we were together for.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:42

We were together, baby. We are going to Jeff the Kill You. And shout out Mr. Creepypasta. I used to listen to a lot of Mr. Creepypasta, and like with him, there's so much like ambiance and like music and sound effects, and then sometimes you pop on an audiobook and it's like a guy in the closet, and he's like, We're going to be reading farm animal. And you're just like, What the fuck is this shit?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:05

A good narrator will make or break it, obviously.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:08

But like I think, yeah, sometimes like they're uh like the guy who did Sunrise, like I can't imagine someone else reading that. Um, so it's just it's it's a toss-up. Like sometimes you get a really old one. Like I tried to do Game of Thrones, and like those are really old, and yeah, right. Like they recorded it on like a fucking like iPod nano.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:28

Yeah, and like there are a few different ones for like say Lord of the Rings, and like some of them are like much better than others, yeah. For shirsey.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:35

So like that's yeah, completely so it was like a little off-putting at first, but like the more I got into it, the more I got beyond that and just let myself get immersed. And like, yeah, I there's so many books I would not have read had I not and so many stories too. Like, even uh, like I said, creepypasses. There's a it it got turned into a book now, but it's a creepypass called Pen Pal. Um that's now turned into it's fucking incredible. And like I'm not gonna read. that on the wiki like I'm busy. I got shit to do. I have shit to do, but you think I'm sitting down to read Barraska? Like we're not doing this. I'm not here. I'm fuck if if the creepy pause is not not ten pages and ends with who was phone, we're fuck we're out of here.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:17

Shit. Who was then who was phone?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:20

Fuck, did you so right? But no, I gotta read this this like very well crafted story that's gonna take me seven hours to read.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:29

Especially like with fantasy like you gotta lock in brother.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:32

Like they're saying they're saying words that are not in the Bible. I've never heard none of this shit. None of it what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:39

That book starts with a fucking map you gotta lock the fuck in.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:43

This bitch I learned reading this shit. You know how people say come hither to tell someone go over there you say go thither. Yes hello me when I have a lisp and I'm trying to direct my lesbians go thither no exactly like I literally hate it. I hate it here but yeah I love your I love your I agree I agree with that because I I do think audiobooks are very important and I don't think we should be devaluing that we don't we shouldn't be discouraging anyone from reading at all. You motherfuckers need to start reading you motherfuckers need to start reading being trying to be funny online to a bunch of people who don't read girl girl I can at the amount of times I say shit people take it so serious I've had quite enough.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:32

No and like even it like it translates to every other form of media like media literacy is dead I hate to say it but it's true.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:40

She clocked out and it pisses me off yeah and I genuinely think if people read more and valued stories and reading more even if it's audiobooks media literacy would be alive and well the amount of times I'll like watch a movie and I'll go to talk to a friend about it and I feel like the messaging of the film is so clear.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:59

Do you know how many times I'm I'm sick of seeing like fucking like YouTube videos and shit where it's like my theory for XYZ film and it's like a deep dive or whatever from their perspective and they're just describing what happens in the movie. It's like that's not a theory you just picked up on the goddamn subtext.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:17

You just picked up on what the author intended for you to pick up good job it's not a theory it's just what happened I swear to God if I see one more fucking eight hour deep dive into the deep meaning of fucking the Walton files and I have to just and I just have to watch someone break down exactly what I just watched and then they have a million 1.5 million views.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:40

Because just because it wasn't spoon fed to you doesn't mean it's like extra lore theory like I promise.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:45

Listen, love him or hate him, bring back Matt Pat, okay? Bring back game theory. He at least had some interesting things to say now I'm watching a fucking five part breakdown on don't hug me on Matthew Pathew get back to the Matthew Pathew come back. We need you we need you in the fear of our lords and bring back 25 minutes and bring back short videos bring back a YouTube video that listen I know they don't favor it okay bring back a YouTube video that's 20 minutes.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:08

Not everything means to be 45 minutes to an hour. I tried it you know I used to make video essays have I ever told you that yes yeah yeah and I tried I mean there's a market for it there's like always gonna be people who love it and enjoy it.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:21

I watch him like I just watched But not everyone deserves to to share their opinion for 45 minutes. I think there's a a way to do it. Like a great example I love talking about him there's a YouTuber I really love named Super eye patch wolf I think he's one of the best video essays going about specifically like video games. He uh made one his most recent video I'm not kidding I've watched it like 10 times already it's about a game series called Fear and Hunger um I don't know her it's it's I know I don't know if you're like a video game girly these days but like I it's it's so cool because Fear and Hunger specifically is a game that I don't think I could ever play. It's like especially punishing takes a lot of time and like I don't think I'd experience it if it wasn't for his video and I really liked his first one he just made a sequel for Fear and Hunger 2 and like the weaving of the story and the world and like the characters I think it's so beautiful and it all correlates in like the way he edits the way I like that he weaves a narrative through his own video.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:22

Like he will intentionally leave pieces of the story out that are happening early in the game so that way later when he's ready to real reveal something bigger it all like comes crashing together. Rather just being like in fear and hunger too you start off by being on a train. It's like I fucking could just watch a playthrough of it. But instead it's like here's why I love this game here's all these beautiful things about it. And I think that's really important. I tried to do that and I went I don't have this much interesting to say about these things I'm gonna make a video about why I think goosebumps is funny. And I made a 14 minute video about three episodes of goosebumps that I thought were funny. And that was like probably uh some of the most creatively satisfying shit I've ever made like I have a uh a video about uh there's a Korean horror movie I love called Ganjiam haunted asylum it's a found footage movie I want to show it to you are you are you too scared to watch scary movies or are you still fucking with scary movies? Okay. Um you never know these days um we all have anxiety uh I think it's one of the best found footage movies ever made I love it I love Korean horror um and I just got to make a video about why I love it and throw in some jokes and I think it has some of my funniest jokes I've ever written and edited and like it's just like 15 minutes and it's like one of my favorite things I've ever made. But it's just because I wasn't like worried about well it has to be two hours because the algorithm favors longer watch time and blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:44

And it's so funny that the algorithm does favor that in an era where attention spans just continue to shrink.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:50

Because I think YouTube videos these days are created with the intention of having them on passively.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:55

Yes. And I think that's another reason like again I want to continue to encourage people to read like I feel like prior to getting back into reading like I had the attention span of a fucking gnat.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:09

Yes it's brutal I've like tried to stop using TikTok and Instagram reels because like I just feel like I can't the the the amount of times I'll be playing a video game say and a loading screen will happen for 20 seconds and I go to reach my already just sit there. As an AV fear it's like my dopamine seeking brain is like not yeah built we're not being actively sustained we have to do something else it's like or just sit I don't have time to pull out my phone in a 20 second elevator ride.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:37

Like what are you doing girl well yeah you're in the fucking drive through it and that is something that since like I've become more invested in reading as a hobby that has improved I will say good I yeah that's what I I'm trying to do that more I'm trying to just like if I'm watching a piece of media or listening to an audiobook or something just like giving it my attention even if I'm doing something else like you know listening to an audiobook while I work but I'm giving it my attention I'm not putting on a movie and then being on my phone.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:06

Yes or because I also think that's why so many movies like people love them in theaters and then they hit film Twitter and it's all people who watch them at home and they're like this movie was dumb I don't know why everyone liked it and it's like well were you scrolling Instagram the whole time yeah like were you actually watching it. Yeah like you know and it happens every time it happened it just happened with sinners like all of a sudden everyone was like this movie actually fucking stupid and it's like well did you watch it oh my god that movie is such a fucking masterpiece are you joking my ass like I will not take any sinner's hate in this household we do not we do not accept sinner's hate we saw it more than once in theaters and I I am still obsessed to this day it's truly a fucking work of art and like it's it's pisses me off that there are so many people who are just like I didn't get it why were they vampires? It's just like well crazy thing is if you watch it with your eyes and ears and brain you'll understand.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:57

You'll if you use your looking eyes and your listening ears I've had enough oh my gosh I've had enough I'm sick of it I'm sick of it sick and toy sick and toyred of all these people I want to watch sinners again great we should watch sinners I love sinners oh my god absolutely obsessed with Haley Steinfeld and like we I mean like Michael A and B. Jordans did an excellent job for sure but it should have been me. It should have been you because as Michael A and B. Jordan and B. Jordan um because I think I deserve to have Haley Steinfeld spit in my mouth hey that movie is horny as fuck dude vampires are horny as fuck. What they got it right tell me I I can't think of a single piece of vampire media that's not horny as fuck. I think it's like inherent and part of like vampire lore that it kind of has to be horny.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:58

They said this movie is about two things vampires certified eaters about a bunch of other stuff too but this is what we're marking down.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:07

But this is what we're marking down. Yes check, check.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:10

But it's again it's a s it's another thing where like the amount of times I hear people say like oh they have like the racist vampires and it's like hey man it was like did you watch it? Again the media literacy is dead yeah like he literally the first thing he does is like relate to the discrimination they're going through in America because he's an Irish man it's like just fucking watch it literally like listen listen put your listening glasses on and see what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:39

And see listen to me with your ears and open your mouth for Haley for Haley my queen I think we I think we did a podcast Eva I think we did I think we did wait who who are these people hello oh my god there's an audience here oh my god I thought we were just having a conversation like two two cute little girls we do be doing that though and you know and we're gonna keep doing that after this is over we're gonna keep doing that after this is over so I think I think we did it.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:08

I think we did it that's crazy I think it's time to say goodbye and goodnight.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:11

What's the big bear and the big blue house say what does the big bear say that oh that the level of nostalgia I love the big bear and I love his big blue house I love the bear I love the bear I love you I love you thank you so much for coming on this was so for inviting me I love yapping with you me too in front of Catwoman in front of Catwoman in front of my girls in front of the girls and in front of my girl for the girls for the girls and you're for the girls it's for you out there the girls we love you thank you so much for coming on diva thank you I love you so much you're so beautiful I love you beautiful do you have anything to plug do you have anything to tell the people the people at home the people in masses oh my gosh I feel like I'm at the end of hot ones uh you should like let me let me plug it um I am playing Maureen in rent right now it is one of like if you know me you know it is one of my absolute dream roles um I did in fact go through a rent phase as a teenager I think we all did I've been I'm still in a rent phase as an adult it is a show that I think touches on the themes we've talked about a lot today like how the communities exist that you have to participate in in person you you know like you couldn't support any of the friend group in rent yeah without actually showing up and participating in a village and making sacrifices and supporting each other no matter the cost and it's a show that I think now more than ever continues to be important. So if you love rent and you are local to the greater Sacramento area come see us this summer in Davis baby um and I will be jumping over the moon.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:53

Yes and I'll put a link to those tickets in that bio baby get them tickets you know my ass will be front row watching baby thank you so much for coming on I love you so much this was such a blast thank y'all for watching we love you so much uh make sure you like and subscribe and do all the things episodes every Thursday except last Thursday don't worry about it and as always thanks for stopping by