The Executive Parent Trap: Why Running Your Home Like a Business Fails

Your kid isn't a project. So why are you managing them like one?

Kurt Bush spent years as a manufacturing leader running plants on KPIs, efficiency, and outputs — until he realized he was bringing the same operating system home and quietly destroying the relationship with his kids. Now a pastor, co-owner of Brimstone Coaching Group, and author of "Live Fully, Lead Authentically," Kurt coaches executives and high-performing parents on how to dismantle the corporate mindset at home before it costs them their family.

In this episode of The Parent Tap, host Mike sits down with Kurt to unpack the operator's playbook for raising kids without turning them into a performance review.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

→ The Inputs vs. Outputs Framework — Why you can only control your effort, presence, and consistency, not your kid's grades, decisions, or trajectory. The mindset shift that survives the teen years.

→ The KPI Parent Trap — What happens psychologically to a child who feels managed instead of loved. The corporate-brain habits to kill before dinner tonight.

→ The Authenticity Tax — Why faking a "hyper-energetic dad" mood after a 10-hour workday damages trust faster than just telling your kid you're exhausted.

→ The Apology Protocol — How high-performing dads apologize to their kids without losing authority. (Hint: it builds it.)

→ The Speeding Ticket Test — A real moment from Kurt's life that defines whether you keep your teen close or push them away for a decade.

→ Praise the Effort, Not the Result — The single coaching cue that rewires how you talk to your kid about school, sports, and failure.

→ The Reconnection Path for Disconnected Dads — If you've been heads-down chasing the W-2 and feel like a stranger in your own house, where to start tomorrow.

WHO THIS IS FOR:
Executive dads, working parents, and operators who run their professional life like a machine — and have started to notice the machine doesn't work at home.

ABOUT THE GUEST:
Kurt Bush is the author of Live Fully, Lead Authentically, co-owner of Brimstone Coaching Group, a former manufacturing leader, and a pastor. He coaches high-performing leaders on integrating authenticity into their work and family lives.

CONNECT WITH KURT:
🌐 Website: brimstonecoachinggroup.com
📘 Book: Live Fully, Lead Authentically (available on his website)
🎙 Podcast: Live Fully Lead Authentically

CONNECT WITH THE PARENT TAP:
The tactical playbook for high-performing parents raising teens — without the guilt trips, fluff, or "trust the process" nonsense. Systems, not sympathy.

CHAOS IN. BLUEPRINTS OUT.

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Transcript

The "Input vs. Output" Framework

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I can't control my kids. I can control how I show up with them. So I think about measuring, am I apologizing when I need to? Am I present when I when I'm with them? Am I separating myself from my workday? Am I authentic? Measuring inputs versus outputs for me has been a game changer because the inputs I can control. The outputs I can't really. I mean, sure. Some of them I can, but for the most part, I can't control the output or the results, but I can control what I put into it.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Author of Live Fully, Lead Authentically, a former manufacturing leader. He is here to explain why treating your house like a manufacturing plant is destroying your connection with your kids and how to drop the corporate armor. Kyle. Kurt, thank you so much for being here. So you spent a decade in the manufacturing world. Everything is about yield, efficiency, reducing friction. So when high-level executives become parents, they default to this exact mindset. They want their household to run like a well-oiled machine. What is the psychological cost to a child when their parents use them as a process to be managed rather than a human being?

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Well, that's a good question. I guess you probably have to ask my kids about the psychological cost. Yeah, I mean, I I think that I mean, as you're saying that, it makes so much sense that we try to make our house run like these corporate workplaces, but it's just not real, right? It's just not real. I mean, kids don't have the brain power, kids don't have, and I'm not saying like kids are dumb or anything, but like brains aren't fully formed, like kids don't have the abstract thinking. It's just it's just not possible. And I think what happens is we try to have this ideal and it just creates tension and conflict all over the place.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's definitely it like it maybe sound good on paper of like, oh yeah, I'm gonna run it, you know, like a like a business or corporation, or like I do at work, and but it's like, yeah, definitely it doesn't work in practice. Do you mind like doing a quick intro? Like just, you know, I kind of covered it, but just more about your background, your kids, your like what your life, your household looks like as well.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Yep, yep. So yeah, so real quick, just I'll start with me. I worked in manufacturing for about 10 years. I went to seminary late in life, I pastored a couple churches for another decade-ish, and then launched coaching practice in 2024. I got two kids, I have a 16-year-old and a 13-year-old. My wife and I have been married for about 20 years, uh, that about 20 years, 20 years this year, actually. Uh, so like we're we're navigating teen years. I I love teen years. I if I'm honest with you, Ryan, that toddler stage of life was hard for me, that sort of like imaginative play. Like, I honestly didn't love that stage. I love my kids, I didn't love that stage. I love parenting teens, and you know, like our motto as parents is we're gonna try to suck a little bit less every day.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

I love that, and that's that's so like genuine and authentic. And man, I tell I totally agree with you. Like, I the toddler stage has been rough for me, I'll be honest. And that's probably why I started this too, is because I feel very isolated. I feel like I don't have support, I don't know what to do sometimes, especially with the tantrums or the the crying. And um, my four-year-old is um she's she's diagnosed with autism in November, so we're dealing with

Corporate Mindsets vs. Real Households

SPEAKER_01 3:15

that, and then we have a one-year-old on top of that. So it's like wow, there's always chaos, and you know, that's that's what I'm trying to reduce here. And so, yeah, man, I appreciate that introduction. And so having two teens, I mean, I think for a lot of parents, that's almost like you think about the teenage years, and I don't know, like I've been talking to a lot of coaching experts a lot of the about the dangers that are out there, the addiction, the the online safety, the bullying, all that stuff that comes with the territory. How do you navigate through all that? I mean, I know you said you really love these years, but I mean, how do you kind of set yourself up for that as a parent to get rid to get ready for those realities of like how the world really is?

SPEAKER_00 3:54

Yeah, that's a great question. And I like I'll be honest with you, Ryan. I feel like the world moves so fast that like parents that have teenagers like that are getting smartphones for the first time today are dealing with things that we I didn't have to two years ago, you know. Like the world moves so fast. I I think the the philosophy we try to use is like yes, that there are a lot of dangers, there are a lot of traps for our kids to fall in, especially with phones. Like, like we have some tangible boundaries, you know, like what we allow our kids to have on their phones, what we don't, when when they can have them, they can't have them in their room after bedtime or after dark or whatever that is. But honestly, our parenting philosophy is one that says, okay, you're 16 and you're 13, we're gonna set these boundaries, but then beyond even those boundaries, we're gonna we're gonna like cheer well for you, and and we're gonna not ask the question, what happens when you stumble into something that that is beyond that boundary? But uh how are we gonna like be with you when that happens? You know, it's not even just phones or or you know, DraftKings or whatever, you know, it's not even those things. It's like I we got a kid in a car for the first time, like he got pulled over two months after he got his license for speeding a really fast in town. And you know, like it's it's not a question of like when our if our kids are gonna fail or mess up or step into something we don't want them to step into. I think we're we really just want to like answer the question, how do we want to be with them when that happens?

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Yeah, no, that takes away a lot of the anxiety because it's like I think a lot of at least a lot of the parenting that I do right now is like I'm just always like don't spill your cup or don't, you know, don't like unplug stuff, you know, I have a toddler who likes to unplug stuff or whatever, and just like um, you know, I'm always just like so negative with like the don't like don't mess up kind of thing. But like you said, just acknowledging it's gonna happen for you know, kids are gonna be kids no matter if they're they're one or 16, right? And so, you know, kind of acknowledging that and then I think just kind of like having those expectations in in mind of it's gonna happen, but like I'm gonna be there for them, you know what I mean? And um, do you look back at your own youth, at your own, you know, when you were that age yourself, and like how, you know, having unrealistic expectations wasn't, you know, probably wasn't like the right move, right? With our parents, like, is that kind of how you look at it? Or how do you uh I guess what's your mindset kind of like navigating through, you know, the the getting the speeding ticket shortly after getting the license, that kind of thing that happens with you know kids?

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Yeah, that's a good question. So gr growing up, I I didn't have like I don't feel like I had any expectation, probably like the opposite of too much expectation, right? And which is probably detrimental too. But yeah,

The Speeding Ticket Test: A Trust Audit

SPEAKER_00 6:40

I mean in the moment, like a kid like I walked into my house and there's a speeding ticket on my counter, like I am ramped up to 11 immediately. Like I I said some things that I had to walk back and apologize for, and you know, like that that happens, and in the moment it feels like this is the first step into like you know, like you being a a deviant, you know, like this is the first step to a life of crime, and you know, in the moment everything just feels so real, everything feels so heavy. I think what what I'm learning is that a certain like I don't want to be flippant about there. Are things that are important, obviously, and and these things do shape who we are over time, but honestly, like I don't know, he paid his speeding ticket. This is not gonna carry with him, like, you know, this is not going to this is not gonna be a thing that gets him kept, it doesn't keep him from a job, you know, or whatever it is. But I I think I'm learning that I need to like pause and think bigger picture in the moment. Everything feels like this is the moment where my kid goes off the rail, both with a 16 and 13-year-old, everything in the moment feels heavy. So, like, how can I detach a little bit and just get some real perspective and say, like, what's actually true? Maybe it is true that it's a big deal and it's gonna carry with my kids. But if if that's true, I want it to like I want, I want it to, I want to know it's true before I respond, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

It does, it does. And like you said, like even when my kid gets a report at school that you know they didn't do good, like I kind of want to have that reaction too. Like, what do you mean? Like, that's not my kid, my you know what I mean? Like, so yeah, I totally get that overreaction and cry, you know, kind of as a parent, like in that moment, it like you said, when it feels real, kind of reacting in a way that when you reflect on it, you know, maybe an hour or two hours later, whatever, you're like, oh wow, like that was a little heavy-handed, and you know, like you kind of have to go back with the apology approach. And I do that a lot with my kids. Like, I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm I'm kind of that one. I'm trying to nip things and I'm trying to not let things, you know, carry on until the school years and all that. But uh definitely sometimes I'm like, man, this is definitely like gonna be the opposite effect I want it to have, you know. Because I I grew up in a very strict household, and what it did to me is it made me want to stray from that. It made me want to, you know, do the things I wasn't supposed to do because I felt like I wasn't good enough anyways, you know? And so I don't want that to happen to my kids. So I, you know, I know that, you know, you uh you're a pastor now or you you're you were a former, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

I was, I'm not now, no.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

Okay. Okay, so a former pastor. Yeah. And I was just curious, like, did you did you deal with um

The Apology Protocol (Restoring Authority)

SPEAKER_01 9:22

situations as a pastor where you've had, you know, parents come to you and like kind of I I don't really know what past pastoral duties are, but like, you know, kind of come to you and be like, hey, dude, you know, what's wrong with my team? Diagnose this and you know, kind of like have you size them up?

SPEAKER_00 9:37

I I don't know that that ever happened, but up, you know, Ryan, I'll be honest with you. Like, I know my lane, I'm not a therapist. And I know some good therapists in my in my world. So like I I I think that never happened because I was always really clear, like, I'm just not gonna do that. Pastors aren't therapists. If a pastor tells you they're a therapist, you should probably you should probably re-examine some choices. But no, I I don't know that I've ever had that happen. I mean, I'm diagnosing my kids all the time. Like, I'll tell you that as a parent, but that's not a pastor thing. But no, I never had that experience where a parent was like, tell me what's going on with my kid and fix it. No, I never had that experience. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

And that's let me connect you with a good therapist.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

I did a little research. So in your book, you talk heavily about the exhaustion of faking it. Leaders pretend they have infinite bandwidth, the hardest part of the day where an executive parent is a transition from the car to the front door at 5 p.m. upstairs. They're exhausted, but they put on this fake, hyper-energetic face for the kids. But kids can they can detect that in off this, but they can detect that, right? The fakeness. So, how does faking a good mood actually damage trust faster than just admitting you're tired?

SPEAKER_00 10:46

I I love the way you asked the question. I mean, I I think our kids know us better than we can even imagine they know us. I I think to your point, what what we're doing then when we kind of fake the energy or fake the smile, I think we're just kind of telling them that's what they need to do, right? I think we're kind of creating and normalizing this sort of inauthenticity that that I don't think any of us want. I don't think any of us feel good about or like really love. Yeah, I mean, I think there is something. I mean, I love the way you bring trust into this. I think there is some trust that builds when our kids hear us say, I'm just really tired. Or to your point, like you talked about apologizing. I I think that builds a huge amount of trust and normalizes, you know, expressing emotion, being honest. Yeah, I couldn't agree more. I think it builds a huge amount of trust.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Yeah, like things that are going on.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I I I don't know. There was certainly a time I I've done a lot of self-work over the last decade, but my kids were alive before I did that self-work. And there there was times where yeah, I I just I didn't understand what it meant to apologize to my kids. I didn't understand the impact that that would have. So, you know, that there's a a few my my son for sure, my oldest, would remember a time where I might be a little less quick to apologize. But I again, kids know this stuff, right? Like kids know when something's not exactly right. Kids know when we're putting on a on a on a mask for them. And yeah, I think anything we can do to be authentic with them just builds trust and builds relationship.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

Yeah, I know that's great. Like, uh, and I'm thinking a lot of these questions like from work perspective, because you are the executive coach and you have that background. So we measure success at work, you know, with KPIs, key performance indicators. At home, parents accidentally use the same systems, right? Gold, 18-year-olds getting pretty close. So we're constantly how do we completely dismantle the KPI mindset at home and what metrics should we we be using instead to measure if we are actually succeeding as a parent?

SPEAKER_00 12:54

Yeah, I love that

Why "Faking It" Kills Trust with Kids

SPEAKER_00 12:55

question, Ryan. Thanks for asking it like that. I I had a I had a friend once who is a baseball coach, like a kid's baseball coach. He he would say when our kids are really really little, he'd say, Praise the effort, not the not the results, right? So, like kid strikes out five times in a game. Did you try your best? Did is there some form of effort to praise instead of hey, you really suck today, you know? But but here's here's how I kind of sum that up. I think about measuring inputs, not outputs. Ultimately, at the end of the day, I am not responsible nor capable of changing what college my kids go to. I mean, I I can, I can manipulate, but at the end of the day, like I I am not them. I can't control my kids, I can control how I show up with them. So I think about measuring, you know, like am I apologizing when I need to? Am I present when I when I'm with them? Like, am I separating myself from my workday? You know, am I authentic? Measuring inputs versus outputs for me has been a game changer because the inputs I can control. The outputs I can't really. I mean, sure, some of them I can, but for the most part, I can't control the output or the the results, but I can control what I put into it.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

Um like uh sometimes preparation and performance.

SPEAKER_00 14:25

And and that's the input piece, right? Like okay, maybe you do need to go to the batting cage, and and maybe maybe you're not going to the batting cage, and that's the input that you can control, right? Maybe you can be doing all the things that you need to do and need to be controlling and still get poor results. I I don't know that I can ask any other things out of my kid. My my youngest has a hard time with math. Same. Math is the worst. So, you know, she comes home with a math grade that's not what we would like. I mean, did you try your hardest? Did you study? Like, I know you studied. Like, how how much can I push on that result if if the input is 100%, you know? I so I think that's kind of the shift of focus is like results are important, right? Outcomes are important. And I think to your point, Ryan, there are times we do need to go to the batting cage, and I think that is the input, right? That is the input that we can control. If if if we're not doing the work, if our kids are not studying to get the grades, then they probably should, you know, my kids probably should study. But if if they're studying and doing the things, at some point I care more about the you know, the the results will come. I care more about the effort and the input than I care about the the results. Yeah, and so maybe like Yeah, I I think so. I mean, it is a I mean the reality is it is a long game. I I actually like what you said earlier when you talked about like having a strict childhood. I I think what I'm learning, again, as speeding tickets start to happen and things like that. I think what I'm learning is like the the negative of overblowing something, it it's not only negative and erodes trust, but it also takes away some of the natural learning that happens when you know kids fail or

Praise the Effort, Not the Result

SPEAKER_00 16:10

kids do whatever. You know, I I think that's part of the long game. Like there is a long game that it does include some natural learning and some natural growing that that I probably don't get to control, I probably don't get to manipulate, I probably don't get to like tangibly facilitate. But I think over time it does it does come, you know?

SPEAKER_01 16:30

Yeah, and I think like you know, from the outside perspective, at least that ticket was on your kitchen table. It wasn't being hidden, it wasn't being like uh, you know, like downplayed or lying about or whatever. Like at least there was honesty within, and at least like your kids know that if something does come up in life, they can come to you and you you'll you'll you'll be there to support them. And that that bond, I mean, that's you know, throughout whatever you're gonna go through with your kids, like that that means more than probably anything, right? Just to just to know that they're gonna trust you enough to to let to tell you what's going on in their life.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

Yeah, I I think so. And you know, the there are times where they don't, you know, put the metaphorical speeding ticket on the table. And you know, probably another pot episode. But I you know, we have families in our in our circle that that we tell our kids, we've told our kids from very young ages, like if you don't think you can come to us, or if you're mad at us, go to this family, right? Go to these adults. I mean, that's that's the other piece of this, is I I certainly don't know that we haven't figured out, and and I'm the ticket's not always on the metaphorical table, but uh, you know, that there are systems in place, uh, even if that's not the case.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

Yeah, absolutely. And it, you know, I love how you put that again. So I want to talk about the executive listening to this right now who realizes they are totally disconnected from their family, their success feels hollow, they're putting a lot of hours in at work, but they want to leave authentically. What are the first three steps they need to take within the next day to begin that shift of culture and their household?

SPEAKER_00 18:01

Yeah, one of the things that we talk about with our clients is we we invite people to look for places where they feel regret or remorse. And and certainly I'm not a parenting expert as much as I am a like a uh coaching expert, but I think the same rule applies. When when an executive comes home or whoever comes home, if there are times with our families where we leave moments feeling regret or remorse, either we said something we didn't want to say, we didn't say something, we weren't as present, whatever that like I wish that would have gone differently. That is a giant, like flashing red light of like, hey, there's something here, right? And and that is not a shameful thing. We all have those. That's not something to beat ourselves up about. That's just the place to begin. There's something happening there that causes that regret or remorse that is misaligned in who we want to be. So I think that's number one. I I also I think there's something really powerful about reflecting on these things, reflecting on the parent that we want to be, uh, and if we are being the parent we want to be. You know, the the what is good look like? What does being a dad of a 16, 13-year-old look like for me, and how how do I execute that well to where I can get to them being 25? Ryan, our our goal is that we can get our kids to like 25 instead of a baseball game with a warm beer and a cold hot dog. Yes, I said that on purpose. That that's our goal. Like we want that relationship. So, what am I doing now to facilitate that

The Long Game: Getting Invited to the Ballgame at 25

SPEAKER_00 19:30

later? I think the last step I would say is continue to get clear on who and how you want to be. We do this with our clients all the time. I think parents, it's this is a good exercise too to say, I I have agency, you have agency, the listener has agency to be the parent that they want to be. So, what is that? Like, get as clear as we possibly can. What what do I want to be? Who do I want to be, and how do I want to be?

SPEAKER_01 19:56

I love how you vision yourself in the future with your kids, and like how do you kind of get there? It's kind of like the end, like realizing the end game, and then you're like, what are the steps I need to take to get there? Because, like, yeah, totally that's the ultimate end goal for me as my kids grow up, we can enjoy sports together. There's something about baseball too that's like, you know, that that family bonding, like it's kind of this generational thing where like my grandpa loved it, so my dad loves it, so I love it, and my kids are gonna, you know, like it's kind of like one of those things that, like, man, that would be like super cool. Like, I just took my four-year-old last year to her first game, and I was like, that was cool, you know, we got to meet like the diamondbacks like mascot, and she got into baseball a little bit. I'm like, man, that's awesome. So, yeah, having those family bonding moments when they get older, not only now, but when they get older and realizing that, like, hey, we got to do the steps now to to kind of get to there, man, that would be super cool. Like, I got chills right now because that's just like a that's a really cool vision. Um, in my head, like, I know, probably for sports people in particular, but even if you're not a sports person, like just a vision, you know, kind of what that activity would be, you know, when your kids do fully grow up and do that, are they gonna want you in their life? Are they gonna want to hang out with you? And that like I hope, I hope beyond hope that they do.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Yeah, that that's always been our goal. And and like I get it. I mean, you you have little kids, you know, there was a time in our parenting where we were certainly directing and prescripting or prescribing and like parenting, like like hard parenting, discipline, right? Like now, like we're doing a lot more cheerleading now. So that that shift is not like you know, I know that I don't want to give the impress like we don't want to be their friends, we still want to be their parents, but at the end of the day, like, yeah, I want to be in their lives, I want them to be in our lives, you know. Like the I love these little humans and and I want to be around them, so yeah, that shift into cheerleader really I think begins to facilitate that like next 10 years.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Kurt, where where can people find out more about you?

SPEAKER_00 21:49

I co own the Brimstone Coaching Group. We coach leaders of all kinds. We have a website called Brimstone Coaching Group.com, and on the website you can see people can see our podcast. As well. It's called Live Fully Lead Authentically. Just a glimpse into who we are and why we do what we do. Our book is also for sale. That's also called Live Fully Lead Authentically. That really, again, is just a glimpse into the way we coach, why we coach, and how we

3 Steps for Disconnected Executive Parents

SPEAKER_00 22:15

coach. That's probably the easiest way for people to get a glimpse into what it means to have a coach like one of us.