Burnout Hits Different When You Have Kids

In this episode, Ryan opens up about his recent layoff and the burnout spiral that followed — and why "just push through" isn't an option when you have kids watching. Joined by Fiona Grant Leydier, we break down why your stress becomes your child's stress, how to spot the warning signs before you snap, and a practical system to reset when you're running on empty.

 WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:
• The "micro overrides" that drain parents silently
• Why a calm parent creates a calm household
• How to apologize to your child after a bad reaction
• The Burnout Perimeter Reset: Signal → Boundary → Repair → Support

The threats are real. This is your playbook.

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Find Fiona Grant Leydier
Website: https://www.theinflectionmethod.com/
LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/fionagrantleydier/

#ParentBurnout #WorkingParent #BurnoutRecovery #ParentingTips #TheParentTap

Transcript

The Layoff & The Burnout Spiral

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Fiona, let's talk about burnout, corporate burnout. Like, what does that look like on a typical night? Let's say right now it's Thursday night. So what is that gonna look like tonight when you know mom or dad comes home at 6 PM, they're exhausted, the kids are wild. Paint us that picture.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

And it's it's like this grasping for air or feeling almost underwater. It's also often the sense of like, I just can't, I just can't do this anymore. I mean, that's the tipping point. That's the point where you've gone too far and hopefully you catch it before you get to that point so that you can you can call in the support you need.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Yeah. And so why do you why do people do this for years? They they kind of, you know, they they kind of just go through the motions with this burnout, that this withdrawal, with this high stress, high anxiety, high everything in life. Uh, why do they wait so long to put things in order, seek support and all those things?

SPEAKER_00 2:35

Yeah, I mean, that's such a like thank you for asking. I think it's an important conversation to have. And what happens is we've all been, you know, you're raised to think you need to do well in school, you need to get a good job, you need to go out, you need to provide for your family, you need to keep it together, you need to always present your best self, you need to never show vulnerability, you need to, you need to, you need to, right? And as you continue to advance in your career, and then you layer on things like children and aging parents and your own well-being, you start to do what I call the micro override, where you just, you know, you're slowly overriding these little signals inside of you that are telling you that you're not okay because you just have to keep going. There's so much riding on everything you do. There's so many people that depend on you. And it's

Why Your Stress Leaks Into Your Home

SPEAKER_00 3:35

really, really hard for us as human beings to ask for help because of just general societal pressure to be able to figure it out at all costs.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

Yeah. And do you think that people, let's say life's going well, you're, you're, you're a high performer, you're getting the the raises, you're getting, you're moving up the ladder, the corporate ladder. Do you think those people kind of go without the support more so than those who are kind of uh falling on hard times, for instance?

SPEAKER_00 4:11

That's it, that's a really interesting question. You know, the pattern that I often see is like people that fall on hard times, it's almost like they have the space to ask for help in a sense, or to seek support or to focus on themselves even for a micro moment. But then the minute they, you know, they they go on this path of self-discovering or whatever, and I'm gonna do things differently next time, and then they jump back in to work and climbing that ladder, and then all of that goes by the wayside. We are not meant to do this alone, but the world has become an incredibly isolated place. And so we feel like we have to do it all alone. And I think there's also a piece around vulnerability that by by putting your hand up and asking for help, it's it's demonstrating vulnerability. And for some reason, we believe that that's not a good thing, that that's a bad thing, that it's a weakness. So I think it's it's a multi-faceted problem where we need to normalize that it's okay to need help or just support or or someone to do it alongside us, you know?

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Yeah, that's a good, that's a good thought. Yeah, no, so you talked about uh, and this this all makes sense because I'm going through a hard time myself. Was laid off three weeks ago. I realized that like before that though, I was just kind of patching it, you know, patching everything together and being like, okay, I can do the podcast, I can do the work, I can pick up the kids at school, I can take them to swim, you know, like all the stuff we have to do for our kids and for our families and for ourselves, and like I just and and work out and run a half marathon and like I I just did that too. And so like just trying to draw like juggle all these balls in the air and and completely failing myself. But I think it would it took that fall for me to realize that like wow, like it was not sustainable, you know what I mean? Like, like the layoffs suck, but in in a way it's kind of a blessing where it's like I can re-evaluate, I can re-reapproach things and uh come at it at a better approach, you know, better angle with the buttons with more thought to it. And that sounds like kind of where your uh your coaching and your business would come in.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

Yeah. You know, I first of all, I'm sorry to hear that. And it's an incredibly difficult time. There's a lot of people going through that right now. So I've been there a lot and I can fully appreciate how unsettling it is. These are the moments that are inflection points, like significant inflection points, where when you will go down the line and you will look back and be like, oh, that actually worked in my favor. And I often advise people to firstly just take a break, take the pressure off, even for just a week, and just take the pressure off from needing to know what that next step is.

Identifying Your "Micro-Overrides"

SPEAKER_00 7:00

What is where am I gonna go from here? When we go through job loss, it's it's a it's it's grief. It's a grieving, it's a moment of grief, and we need to give it that same level of importance, which is difficult to do when so much is depending on you and on the salary, on everything. But giving yourself even just a little bit of space can one, just relieve the pressure, but two, it allows that space to come in where creativity flows, and all of a sudden now you start to see things more clearly, and perhaps you can figure out your next step from there. Often figuring out your next step does not come from, you know, being in front of the commute computer trying to will the next job to show up on your screen. And it also, you know, doing that creates this like nervous system, you know, dysregulation, which starts to filter out into every area of your life. So your children start to pick up on that vibe, your spouse starts to pick up on the vibe, and everything just starts to get off kilter. So the most important thing we can do is really start with ourselves, you know, try and stay as calm as you can, do the little rituals and routines that make you feel good, even just the little tiny things, like, you know, whatever it might be, working out, keeping that going, because that's really good for our own well-being. And then thinking about I, you know, lost my role back in 2024, which ultimately gave me the platform to finally do what I'd been wanting to do for like a decade, which is launch the inflection method.

SPEAKER_01 8:29

Yeah, totally. Like I've I've I've gone through the whole plethora of emotions of mad as hell to guilt to grief to almost embarrassment too. Cause like I'm telling my wife like that happened, like it wasn't me particularly that was the issue, but it was the budget. So, but still, it's like oh that that's like it's a shitty thing, especially like being a man. Like I'm trying to be the breadwinner. So I I almost feel like it's it's more of an individual, let's do my own business. And that's it, sounds a lot like what you said, where I've had this thought in my head for a long, long time. But I had the safety net, you know, I had the nine to five paycheck where it was like it's comfortable to stay. But now that I was pushed out of the nest, you know, it's like you kind of have to go fend for yourself. But but there's something freeing about that as well, where you're not tied down to the stability and the comfort, comfortability that you had. And now it's like, okay, let's go, let's go do it, let's go prove myself.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

That's part of what happens as well. I mean, decades working and all the things. And it's, you know, I love this. And I mean, again, it's a theme. And I think I didn't, although I wanted to do this long time ago when I was in my thirty early 30s, I didn't do it until I was in my early 40s because X, Y, Z reason. But the everything rolls out as it should. And one of the premises that I live by now is that the best is yet to come. And, you know, it's it's this idea of 50 not finished. Like there's so much still to happen and come that this is like great breeding ground. These challenges that we're being, you know, forced to meet, if you will, are just, I think,

The "Calm Parent" Connection

SPEAKER_00 10:15

preparing us for, you know, a different future that maybe we didn't envision for ourselves before, but that doesn't mean it was necessarily a bad thing. But, you know, that speaks to the other piece of like job loss and just and just I think in general, like when you have children and everything changes and and your friendship groups change and the way that you go out and do things changes. It's like an identity crisis almost to a degree, right? And especially when you go through job loss, it's like a it can be like an identity crisis, especially if it comes at a specific inflection point, like in your 40s, where you're like, okay, what do I do now? That was my everything. You know, I gave everything I had to this job, to this career, to these organizations, and all for what? You know, now what do I do? And that's an important, I think, you know, exploration to go through. You know, I think you're, I think it's it's it's highly valuable and it and it should be viewed as a gift because it forces you to really get clear about who you are, what matters to you, you know, how you were probably not in alignment with many of your values, because over the course of a corporate career, decades and decades, you you just over you're just constantly overriding yourself in order to fit the moles and to keep the job, right? To keep the job, to do your best, to look great. And these moments really force you to reconsider where you left yourself behind and reconnect with the person that you want to be moving forward.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

What was your inflection point?

SPEAKER_00 11:57

I've had a lot of inflection points, let me tell you. Many, many, many. Let's talk about the last one though. The last one was my last corporate job. And I had my daughter was four years old at the time. No, not even. She wasn't even four. And I was traveling all the time. I was on the road all the time. I was away from her. It was hard. My job was incredibly demanding. It felt like I was never, it was just never enough. And I turned to my husband on the Sunday night before it happened, and I said, I can't do this anymore. I just, I just can't do this anymore. And the next morning I got laid off. And it was like such an inflection point. Couldn't have been louder or bigger or what, you know, brighter. And and I and I and I had said, you know, if this role comes to an end, I'm gonna use this as an opportunity to finally go and build something of my own. And that's what I did. And that's where I am now. And I've never been happier. It's not easy. It takes a lot. But I have to say, I feel more grounded, more like at peace and at ease. I'm able to spend time on myself and studying myself and understanding myself and

Rethinking Household Stabilization

SPEAKER_00 13:17

understanding how those around me are also wired to move through the world. So now my relationships are stronger with my husband, with my child. You know, I'm very conscious of how she is picking up on vibes at all times. And it's not like I'm pretending like I'm okay. I'm genuinely spending time to be okay with whatever struggles I'm facing in my entrepreneurial journey because it's so rewarding. Those struggles just feel like, you know, part of the part of the package, but they don't weigh on me in the same way that they did before.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

Yeah. Let's say that that didn't happen. You didn't, you didn't get laid off and you just stayed because you were, you know, the the reasons I cited. What would your daughter learn from you going through that struggle that would maybe uh affect her as she grows up?

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Yeah. You know, there were definitely moments that I recall being so stressed and burnt out that I would, you know, react unnecessarily to her just being like a baby, basically, you know, two, three-year-old. And that would have continued on because I wouldn't have, well, I don't know, maybe it wouldn't have, but it definitely wouldn't be as calm as it is now. And our children model our behavior, you know, you see this everywhere. Like that is what they're doing. They're watching at all times, whether the whether you think they're listening or not, they're always listening. They're always listening and they're always picking, and they pick up on these imperceptible vibes that you don't realize you're emitting. And I pride myself, I guess, and my husband on the fact that, and this is not a flex, and it's not a, you know, I'm not trying to be cocky or anything, but but my daughter doesn't really have a lot of emotional outbursts. She doesn't melt down a whole lot. You know, she's very like even keeled. You know, there's obviously moments, there's social issues that happen outside the home that I can't control and all of those kinds of things. But generally speaking, she's pretty, she's a pretty chill kid. And I really very much think that that has to do with the fact that my husband and I work so hard to also just like keep it chill.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Yeah. And it's almost like, you know, it rubs off

Repairing After a Bad Reaction

SPEAKER_01 15:45

like even dogs. Like if we're if we're actually nervous around dogs, they get nervous. And that's one of the things I've realized that like just you know, being a pet owner where it's like, yeah, our our emotions, if we get riled up, they get riled up. If we're calm, it's generally they're calm.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Um you know, and and so yeah, anyways, I was gonna just say we got we got a new dog, like uh uh I guess we've had her for about a year and a bit now. And this the thing we would always say to our daughter and repeat to ourselves if you're calm, she'll be calm. If you're calm, she'll be calm. And so whenever her friends would come over and they'd be all crazy around the dog, we're always guys, guys, calm, because she'd go nuts, right? Like when kids are around, the dog goes insane. And she is the most chill dog. She is super chill, so it has worked. Like, you know, it it's it's true. It's true. And this speaks to, you know, there are energetics going around at all times that people don't really acknowledge or pay attention to, but they're there. They're there whether you want to acknowledge it or not. And so if you're in this constant state of like, you know, burnout and stress, that's what people around you are gonna pick up on. Whereas I'm not saying that I'm like, you know, the Dalai Lama or anything, and there's definitely moments of stress in my life. And I'm Argentinian, so I'm super passionate and really spicy, as my husband says. But but generally speaking, it's about like trying your best to just manage your emotions, recognize, be aware. Be aware of the fact that you are emitting a certain vibe or that your stress is pouring out into the rest of your life, and then take steps to correct or in or or just get course correct. You know, it's not about being perfect, it's about being perfectly imperfect, as I say. And working with a coach or, you know, an advisor or a therapist, even can really help to just like provide almost like a path or like guardrails, if you will, of where to be operating and they help keep you on track when you fall off track. Or they it just gives you somebody to talk to that isn't your spouse or a friend who isn't necessarily going to give you like, you know, unbiased feedback. And it really just they help you to just, you know, stay more grounded, more present, more focused on what it is that you're trying to move towards.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Yeah, yeah. Sorry, I was pulling something up for my friend because this is the kind of shit that I get from my friends is um it's it's the opposite of supportive.

The Playbook: Burnout Reset

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Uh uh. Sorry. Uh it was funny. I can't find it though. Um, I just said like I haven't had a job interview in so long, bro. This sucks. Like, because like even when I was working, I applied for stuff, and you know, and he was like, just don't be yourself and you'll be fine. And so that's that's kind of the the the the guy um friendship dynamic, if you will. It's it's very opposite of supportive. So as a result, I would say most of my conversation, and I was in education, higher education, every every basically area, K-12, higher education, and it's pretty much women dominated, right? Like it's it's one of those fields. So I've always felt like I got along well with my colleagues because there is that support. There is that like you can be, you can be yourself, you can show vulnerability. And with guys, it's just different. So, how did how did like you know, the men out there listening to this right now, let's say they're going through their own inflection point moment, they're they're struggling, they want to reach out to their partner or their kids about it, but they're really not sure how to do it. How would you suggest that they kind of bring this up and go through the process of reaching out to you?

SPEAKER_00 19:42

Reaching out to me or reaching out to their families?

SPEAKER_01 19:46

Well, reaching out to their families first, but then, you know, kind of on the pathway to actually getting the coaching help that you provide.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

Yeah. I think we all need to recognize that we are all human and vulnerability and emotion are just a natural part of the human experience. And you can ignore it if you want to, but it's gonna be there and it's gonna come out. And so I think particularly with your closest family, your, your, your spouse and your children, it's important to just be upfront. Like, you know, with with my daughter, if I have a moment that I'm not proud of where I kind of maybe flew off the handle a little bit or reacted the wrong way, I often, you know, just kind of sit with it and the discomfort of like, I really, I didn't like that reaction. And then the next morning I'll go and I'll say to her, Listen, I'm really sorry. I realize I could have reacted differently. And there's such a beautiful opportunity to connect with your kid on that level and show them that it's okay to be vulnerable. And you know what? Your kid is almost the best person to practice being vulnerable with because they are just piles of love and and and appreciation, and they have so much, you know, ability to forgive so quickly. So that's a great tip is practice with your kid. Practice being vulnerable with your kid if it's really hard for you to access. And then to connect with me, I actually offer what's called an inflection session, which is a completely free one-on-one part exploration, part coaching, where we sit down and just talk about, you know, what's going on for you. And for a lot of people, this is like the first time they've had a chance to even talk about it with somebody. And and then we explore whether, you know, working with a coach would be of support or help. And if not, you walk away from that session actually feeling already a bit of relief and some ideas on how to shift. So you can book that at the the inflection method.com slash session.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

Perfect. That's so awesome. Well, uh, Fiona, I just want to thank you for your time for coming on. I, you know, I think there's more to talk about here in the future. I'd love to have you back. Um and congratulations on making that career step and really getting the inflection method off the ground and as successful as it is today. And I'm just so glad that you had you on the show because I think that this is a great message for people. I'm kind of going through it right now myself, where it's like, you feel like there's no support. So it's good to know that there is support and there's not that isolation that it feels like when you're removed from your workplace, you're removed from your, you know, your coworkers, like everyone that you didn't, you know, interact with on a daily basis, they're gone. And so now it's like, what do you do? You know, and you know, and you're trying to kind of, you know, will it to happen, as you mentioned earlier, and it doesn't, it doesn't work that way. So this is great to know that there's actually people out there that can help us get us on the right path and really, you know, pursue what we actually want to do in life. Because I'm not one of those believers either that you, you know, my grandparents, I remember they, you know, he my grandpa talked about retiring his whole life, like getting to 65 or whatever it was. And, you know, he didn't live very much longer after that, unfortunately. And his health wasn't great. And so it's like I I kind of take that with me and like I want to live now while I'm 40 because there's no guarantee I'm gonna get to 65. You know what I mean? Like, I just I just don't I don't know, you know, like and my kids are not gonna be the same age when I'm 65, you know what I mean? Like right now is when uh we can go to Disneyland and it's gonna be the best day ever for them. And and you know, in 25 years, that's not gonna be the case. They're gonna be like, oh, dad's here just to watch my kids, and you know, they're gonna think I'm I'm I'm old and lame and all that stuff. So no offense, Dad, because I know my parents watch this stuff.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Uh that's great. Yeah. Well, you know what? Then I say take this time and go play with your kids.