He Left Corporate After a Health Scare — Now He Runs His House Like a System

Tony Berardo didn't quit his corporate job to "find balance." He was forced out — and built something better: a household that runs on systems.

He left after a health scare and a $250k fertility journey, then designed a home where the phone isn't the answer. No screens before three years old. Alternating sleep schedules that let both parents recover. A "dopamine brick" watch — because the biggest threat in your house might be the tablet in your kid's hand.

In this episode: 

• Why he insists no device before three 
• The every-other-night sleep system that saved his marriage 
• The "dopamine brick" and what it's doing to your family 
• How to raise resilient kids without yelling or lectures 
• The question every parent should ask before every screen

If you feel like you're running a house on chaos, this is the playbook.

Tony Berardo

Former role: A few steps from CMO in sales & marketing at Monster Energy (~a decade), previously Regal Cinemas, LA Fitness, Coca-Cola. Left after the health scare + $250k fertility journey.

What he does now: Runs a content agency (brand deals, UGC-style video, social management) + his apparel brand Human Dad + his podcast.

Website:

humandad.com

DAD20 for 20% off the whole site + free US shipping.

Social (everywhere): @theBerardo — Instagram, TikTok, YouTube.

Podcast: Humanity and Hashtags (that's the name Ryan confirms on the transcript — @theBerardo on Instagram).

🎙️ Watch more: 

parenttap.io

🎵 Music: Edgars Bukovskis.

Transcript

The dopamine brick — Tony's take

SPEAKER_03 0:00

This fucking dopamine brick is the worst thing that's ever happened in the society because not only do we use it constantly, so we're literally ignoring our partner, right? All the time. But you're able to see everything. You're able to see what 8 billion people are up to. You're able to see how great your friends are doing and how nice their house is and how great their job is. You're able to really be envious. And you shouldn't be, because everything on social media, more and more, is fake and it's bullshit. And it's a highlight reel of people's shitty lives. And if you didn't have this dopamine brick, you would think your life is amazing because you look around and you have your neighbors and you have your wife and your kid and you're very happy and you're very content with your life. But because you're able to see someone has it better

Why this house runs on systems

SPEAKER_03 0:45

than you, now you're like, oh, why can't I get there? Now you're depressed. Now you're maybe working a little bit harder. Maybe you're following a chick that has a really nice ass on Instagram, and you're like, wife, how come you don't have a nice ass? Like there's maybe there's things that are going through your head that shouldn't be going through your head.

SPEAKER_01 1:01

That was Tony Barardo. I had no idea what he was going to walk me through. Here's the thing. You already know the phone is a problem. Your kids' iPad, your own Doom Scroll, the fact that you and your partner sit in the same room and communicate in screens. What you don't have is a system for it. So today I brought in a guy who built the operational staff for a household that runs on no screens, alternating sleep, and a rule that your kids don't touch a device before three. No sympathy, just the playbook. Here's the question I asked. What's the immediate day one boundary you must establish to stop the screen time slide? And Tony's answer is going to make you uncomfortable because it's not monitor the apps, it's not set a time limit, it's the thing every parent says they can't do, and he'll tell you exactly why the research says that you can. First of all, the Fortune 500 grind, from what I gathered, is you had a health scare that kind of forced you out of that uh arena and more into a uh working from home dad. Can you explain or talk to us through that decision? What went into it, and uh also what your household looks like, just to get a better idea of the type of chaos that you're dealing with every day.

The health scare that forced him out

SPEAKER_03 2:10

So, I mean, first just kind of a brief origin story. So, I mean, the idea of working corporate was something I've always done. I mean, I'm 41 now, but during this whole process, I mean, I started working my first my first job was 16, 17 years old. I was at Regal Cinemas. Uh, and then I went to LA Fitness, which is a big uh health club, and I did personal training there and I did a lot of sales and marketing there as well. And then eventually I uh went with a buddy and we opened up our own company. So I kind of always had like an entrepreneurship mentality. I did that for a few years, uh, traveled around the country, which was which was really cool. And then I went to the corporate world at Coca-Cola, first Fortune 500 company check. And then uh I did that for half decade and then got promoted at Monster Energy. And I was in sales and marketing there for uh almost a decade. And that probably was like my first taste into really what I wanted to do, which was a lot of stuff like just in I was I was in marketing, so we did, I was a few steps down from the CMO. So we did everything from negotiating contracts with like celebrities and influencers, managing Monster Energy Girls, a festival. I worked directly with Gronk, Rob Gronkowski on a few events here in Florida. So like that kind of like close-knit stuff, I really dug and I was there for quite some time. And then ironically, as much as long as I was there and as much blood, sweat, and tears I gave to the company, they kind of like threw me this for curveball one day because during the time that I'm doing all this shit, on the weekends, we would do events, right? And I would manage them and do that, but I would also film it, like just on my own shit. And I really enjoyed editing, creating content. So I would actually make content. I wouldn't post it anywhere, but I would make it and send them videos, not part of my job description. And I thought there was a lot of value in that. So I was doing that shit on the side just for fun and something creative that I enjoyed. And then I did my podcast for a little bit and I started that up again. That was like the first couple of years I did it. And then there was a couple brands that reached out to me. One of the brands my buddy owned, and he's like, Yo, bro, can you give me like a shout-out on the podcast? I was like, Yeah, fuck, of course, dude, whatever. And then Monster let me go because of that. And their re their reasoning for it was I needed to be all in on Monster and nothing else. And that was interesting to me because there was no like, hey, dude, by the way, let's not mean you you've been here 10 years, just uh keep it chill. Like, talk monster only. I was like, all right, that's fine. None of that. So whatever, it is what it is. I mean, but that sucked though, because that was kind of a tough time in our life because we were trying to have a kid. So you talk insurance and you talk all that. Everything was through my company, and I was there for so long, 401k and all that stuff. So a lot of stuff was in question. And then thankfully, I ended up getting a job at a startup company. They paid me twice as much. Love that company. That was called focus, and that was also kind of like in the beverage space. But then after about a couple of years working there, growing the company, having a street team, doing marketing, all that stuff, I was reporting directly to the CMO. So I was like, big time, love that company, filed for bankruptcy. And that's when it was like, yo, dude, what the fuck is going on? Because like I'm doing everything right. Like I am not, there's people that monster that were having DUIs and driving monster energy trucks. Like, what, why am I the victim of this? And I say we're trying to conceive a kid, we went through years of IUI and IBF, which I don't know if your viewers are familiar with it.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

But I mean Oh, you can maintain it though. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 5:32

I was gonna say I know what it is, but it's pretty, it's pretty gnarly. People could look it up. I'm uh I'm gonna butcher it because it's very technical. But ultimately, my boys are fine, her girls are fine, but for whatever reason, like we just can't we can't make embryos, right? We can't out of a petri dish, we can't make them on our own. So you we had to do all these procedures to take my boys, I uh yank into a cup, which is not the best, and then uh they take her eggs and have to retrieve those, and then they actually create the embryo with our stuff in a lab. And that is very expensive and it doesn't always work. And we went through a lot of trial and error with that. And uh through five different rounds of doing that, it cost a quarter million dollars. We finally were able to conceive our child.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

Well quarter million? Holy shit.

SPEAKER_03 6:16

Quarter million in the course of about three and a half, four years.

SPEAKER_00 6:18

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 6:19

Not the best because insurance doesn't cover it. It's a it's an outpatient procedure. So anyway, during this time we're hundreds and thousands in. It's not like you could throw that on the credit card. Like we, that's our savings. And then I get laid off that second time. So we had to stop treatment before obviously we got the good news that we were pregnant. But once we stopped the treatment, that's when I had a tumor in my lung. So they had to remove a portion of my lung, the lower right lobe of my right lung. So about a third of my right lung is removed. And uh then I was in the hospital for a few weeks, recovery was brutal, it sucked. The day I got discharged, my father-in-law passed away. And then so that was tough because I wasn't able to really recover with her. Like I couldn't even give her a hug. I was in so much pain. You know what I mean? Like a whole, my whole right side was cut open. So anyway, that it was just gnarly. Um once I got better, that's when we started treatments again. And then finally, like I said, that final round took for IVF and we had our baby. So I say all that. There's no short way to put that story together, unfortunately. But I say all that to those series of events, financially, dealing with all that, corporate bullshit, getting laid off, giving so much blood and set sweat into a company, and then them just getting rid of me with not even like a two-week notice literally terminated. That's what it just got me, uh, it was a bad taste in my mouth for corporate. And I'm not saying working corporate isn't good. I think there's a lot of value in that. But for me, it just didn't align because where I was at and when I had that health scare, when you're on like something so serious like that, and mine wasn't even that serious, but to me, it was like my world was ending because I didn't know if it was cancerous or not. So they say they're gonna remove a tumor. I don't know what, like, am I gonna be here in a year? Like, I don't I don't know the result. And then all you think about is like, I just want to get better. You don't care about your Netflix subscription, you don't care about like your job. None of that matters. And then obviously your job doesn't give a shit what you're doing. They want you to get back to work. So that's when it was like, I need to figure out what I can do to work from home, take care of my health, be there for my wife and kid, because if this happens again, God forbid, I don't want to be like at a conference out of town giving my blood and sweat to a company when I'm missing out on key moments with my kid. So that's when it was like light bulb moment. I did a couple trial and error of things of what I decided to do, and here I am, four years later and no regrets.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Yeah, that's crazy. A lot of overlapping stuff here. I just got laid off three almost three weeks ago. So, like, how does being at home, being a dad preneur, trying to work, uh get how difficult that is. I worked remotely for almost 10 years and I have a five-year-old. Uh so I get how that is. Kids are sick, like that I'm trying to work, I'm trying to watch. It's hard to do all that stuff all together. So, how do you how do you do how do you work at home? How do you kind of take care of the kids? It sounds like the your kids are at home, right? Because you're not they're not a daycare.

SPEAKER_03 9:02

That's right. Uh we only have one for now. And my my wife and I both have worked remote for quite some time. Since the pandemic, really, we've both been at jobs that have been been able to be remote. So I mean, in that aspect, we've we're kind of used to it. So once we had a kid, we just kind of implemented her into our life that way. As she's older now, she's about to turn three. It's obviously as becomes more and more of a challenge when they're mobile. But we figured out, I think, a good solution when we both were working at the time, which was she and I should say this, she got laid off like four months ago. She just got a job last week. So the reason it's I'm trying to think through this is our schedule is a lot different now because I pretty much need to have my kid, which is why we're having this call at 5 p.m. Because my wife is off work now. But I had my kid all day, um, and I also am working. Only because like it's her second week at the job, I don't need her like getting laid off for lack of work. So I'm like, let's get focused for a couple months. I can handle this, I'll figure it out. If I got to work weekends, I'll do it to make up the time. But I mean, prior to when we were both working for remote, uh, we had a shift. Like I would take morning shift and then put my kid down for a nap. So from 8 a.m. to noon, I watch my kid. And by watching, I mean I'm able to create content, emails, do conference calls, podcasts, whatever I have to do. And my kid usually is pretty good at being bored and reading by herself and all that stuff. So we kind of started that as an at an early age to where she's used to it, and we're not like coddling her and and kind of uh lack of a better word, like being with her 24-7 to where she needs us because it would definitely bite us in the ass. So I think that was helpful. And then going back to the schedule. So then my wife would take my kid for the back half when she gets up from nap. So when we don't have the kid, that's when we both like go pedal to the metal, headphones in, blinders on, we're working our ass off at work. So we're still getting a good four to six hours of hardcore work a day. We're just splitting the shift that way. And then sometimes I make up work on the weekends when the kids napping and stuff. So it's not ideal, it's not easy, but my uh business is very flexible because I have a content agency, which I do a lot

What materialism is doing to your kids

SPEAKER_03 11:10

of like brand deals and I work with a lot of brands on their content. So I'll help them create content and manage their social media, but I also make videos for brands. So you can call it an influencer, I guess, but I mostly do a lot of UGC style videos, which is user-generated content. So I'm able to film kind of skits and videos for brands. I send them that content and they post on their social media. Uh, and then I also have the podcast, which makes a little bit of money, not enough uh to do it full time quite yet. And then I have my apparel brand, which I just started up, uh, which is pretty exciting. And uh so that's kind of how like my company is laid out. It's very wild, it's very scattered, but I'm able to manage my time accordingly to make it happen.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

That's cool. Is that your brand shirt right there? The human dad. Oh okay, cool.

SPEAKER_03 11:58

This is like this is our uh it's our nutrition fact shirt. So like on the back it says human dad nutrition facts. So like it'll say it'll say uh caffeine a thousand percent. So it's like the nutritional label, and then it says uh sleep zero percent. So it's kind of like these different nutritional facts of like being a dad. Uh this is one of our hats. And we do like we specialize in hats and active apparel for dads.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

So that's sweet, that's awesome. You're a dad fluencer, right? If you're a dad preneur, you're a dad fluencer.

unknown 12:29

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

And it's like that it was stupid because like none of us got sleep and we were just like sleep deprivation. You you mentioned this again in your channel, like sleep deprivation has so many different effects negatively on you and your relationship and your household and all that. Um and so I think it was just brilliant, like idea of like how to kind of split divvy up the work and kind of make sure no one's too overloaded because I know that like right now we're dealing with that too, where it's like I'm trying to pick up the slack because I'm not working, trying to give her time to work and catch up on work because like we always have a sick kid, or we always you know there's always something that comes up where it's like, ah damn, like our grandma and grandpa can't watch the kids or something like that. We're kind of yeah, we're kind of just trying to figure it out. Like nothing, you just gotta come back to the case.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

Yeah, and you add in the extra stress of like you got a job, right? Like it your wife is working, so she's trying to be the best employee. And you just I mean, you just can't. You I mean Ron Swanson said it best. I mean, you never whole ass two things. Or n you never half ass two things, you whole ass one thing. There you go, right?

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

And I think we're just not in a situation in this country that that's feasible for a family. And because of that, I think families end up getting divorced earlier than they should. Um kids end up getting raised with one parent instead of two. Money, unfortunately, is a big part of this country, good and bad. And I think unfortunately, some parents kind of fall victim to it, to where they want Disney Plus and they want the new iPhone and they want a nice house and they want a big backyard and they want two cars in the household. You just can't have that. It's not the American dream anymore. Forget about it. You just you just described to me. I mean, dude, if you want to take vacations and stuff and also have those things, it's impossible. Just get out of your head. You need to get out of this country if that's what you want. Or you could do the smart thing, which is live below your means and save a little bit of a nut, downsize like crazy. We have one car. We've had one car for five years. We have subscription services where we have to watch ads because it's $5 cheaper. I mean, we don't get the new iPhone every year. Like they're I mean, we turn off the lights when we're not in the room. Like there's things you can do, but you're so privileged because the last few years have been really good to people. But when the pandemic hit, things changed. This country's not going to get any better. It's not gonna get any cheaper. You're not gonna make more money, you're not gonna get a raise. Like you're probably gonna get laid off. Prepare yourself. And I think when we stop thinking so materialistically and we start thinking what's really important, you can prioritize things a little bit better. And what people don't really understand is when you do downsize and you have more money, now you're more comfortable, man. Now you're a better employee. Now you're a better parent. Now you're a better husband because you're able to not be so stressed about go, we got to make money because we got to pay for fucking Netflix and we got to pay for just relax,

No screens before three — the rule that changed everything

SPEAKER_03 15:28

bro. You're good. You know, instead of your house, maybe get an apartment. I don't know. Rent out your house. There's a wild idea. You know, if your mortgage is two grand a month, get an apartment that is also two grand a month. So you're breaking even, but now you're renting your house for two grand a month. So now you're making two grand a month and you won't you have a property now. There's a wild idea. You don't have to buy more shit, you don't have to work harder. You just you gotta what you have is enough. You just have to go with what you have and you have to figure it out because no one's gonna help you, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_01 15:59

Ingenuity. I know for sure. And you find that out when you're laid off, like how many people reach out to you versus what you think. Like, at least for me, it was like very eye-opening. I mean, you really find out who had your bat, like who is really like legit, like who is the one really getting reviews, recommendations, all that stuff, uh and then who kind of just goes who goes and ghosts you. And it's like, okay, like I don't know, it's very eye-opening. But like you mentioned something like too, like about the health scares and kind of like uh all that stuff, how it puts it in perspective. Like, I just had a hospital stay last month, and like I it's like in those moments, it's almost like I'd give whatever just to feel decent. And I think sometimes we take too much for granted, like waking up every day, feeling good, being able to walk, being able to do whatever like your workouts and all that stuff that you have on your channel. I mean, like sometimes I think it's just like man, we just we definitely take things for granted, and we're just so focused on the money or so focused on the drive or whatever that it's just like we don't stop to smell the roses. I know it's very cliche to say it that way, but I mean, like, does that make sense to you? Like how we're just sort of like wired differently in this country and just chasing things instead of really appreciating what we have?

SPEAKER_03 17:10

No, I mean it's well said. Uh I think the easy answer is our devices. That to me is the problem. The these, I don't even have I barely keep it near me. This fucking dopamine brick is the worst thing that's ever happened in the society because not only do we use it constantly, so we're literally ignoring our partner, right? All the time, but you're able to see everything. You're able to see what 8 billion people are up to. You're able to see how great your friends are doing and how nice their house is and how great their job is. You're able to really be envious. And you shouldn't be, because everything on social media, more and more, is fake and it's bullshit. And it's a highlight reel of people's shitty lies. And if you didn't have this dopamine brick, you would think your life is amazing because you look around and you have your neighbors and you have your wife and your kid, and you're very happy and you're very content with your life. But because you're able to see someone has it better than you, now you're like, why can't I get there? Now you're depressed. Now you're maybe working a little bit harder. Maybe you're following a chick that has a really nice ass on Instagram and you're like, wife, how come you don't have a nice ass? Like there's maybe there's things that are going through your head that shouldn't be going through your head. I think one of the, I forget who the celebrity was, but he said something that was profound and fascinating. If I could share with you for a second, is um he stopped using social media for one reason only. He saw a dude wearing a GoPro climbing Mount Everest in HD. You can look this up right now on your phone. There's dead people as you walk up to Mount Everest. They're frozen and their bodies don't decompose because it's so cold up there. So there's all these frozen bodies. You're able to watch someone climb Mount Everest, one of the most difficult things you can ever do in this world, and you're able to watch an HD without any effort. That should not be possible. Because now, would you, Ryan, climb Mount Everest? Would you climb Mount Everest? No. You can see it in HD. Why the fuck would you do it and potentially risk your life? It we've taken, we've drained the jahu out of everything. There's nothing to look forward to. We don't have any purpose. If we want to look up a really cool place in Italy, we just look it up on TikTok and see a bunch of people living vicariously. And it's in great quality. So sure, you want to go to Italy, but you're not in a rush to get to Italy because you can just watch it on your phone. It's like we've we've taken the power out of everything, and I think that's our biggest, that's our biggest downfall.

unknown 19:36

What's going on?

SPEAKER_01 19:37

And so like getting onto that phone, um, how do you deal with that with your kid? Like, uh is it just no screens or you don't give I I'm just curious how you deal with it because I've I talk with a lot of parent clinicians and practitioners and coaching experts and this and that, and like everyone has a little bit of a different take, but like how do you deal with it right now, going through the throes of having a three screen time and all that?

SPEAKER_03 20:00

I mean, it's tough, but I mean, all the research I've done, it says they shouldn't have any screens below three. Our toddler is maybe combined her whole life, has had three hours of screen time.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Holy crap. We just don't do it. And that's great. Not me because we do pick up.

SPEAKER_03 20:20

Thanks. I mean, when we do pick up the phone in front of her, it might be like for pictures or FaceTime or something like that. But in terms of like TV, no, absolutely not. Uh, we don't watch TV together, we don't even do movies together. The couple hours that I mentioned that we have done, we watched like 30 minutes of Moana once and she hated it. She liked it, but she was very overstimulated. And she loves Moana. She loves Disney characters, she loves all these things. And all the friends that I talk to, they're like, dude, how does she like love all these characters? Like, she knows Elsa is and she knows, but she's never seen Frozen. And my friends are like, Well, how does she like love these characters so much? She has an Elsa dress. And I'm like, Books, bro. There's a fucking frozen book. There's she has three of them. What do you mean? How does she know? How does she know Clifford the Dog? She's never seen a Clifford the Dog movie. She read the fucking book. Pete the Cat from a book. Like it's these are wild ideas when I talk to friends. They're like, huh? Like, so that's number one. And no judgment if that's what you got to do, but the research that I've seen, there's nothing positive coming from it. And I also say that because like I've seen what I'm doing as an adult. I'm massively addicted to this. There's been times where there's a commercial break and I'm sitting with my wife and we're watching a movie and we pick up our phones. That's a problem.

SPEAKER_01 21:31

Totally.

SPEAKER_03 21:32

That's a problem. So why the fuck am I gonna give this thing to my kid? I'm gonna, I am going to lock this in a box and have her avoid these this device as long as I possibly can. Problem is a lot of parents don't feel that same way, which is the reason why my kid doesn't hang out with a lot of other kids. I wish it was different. But we went we went out to dinner with a friend of ours, and that was the last time because the kid had an iPad at dinner. So now my kid's like, hey, what is that? You know what I mean? I want that. What is that, Dad? I go, it's a small TV, but we don't we don't do that at dinner. So now we can't hang out anymore. It sucks. But one of us is doing something right. I'm not gonna say who it is. That's uh subjective.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

But uh it's easier to give your kid a screen than listen to the tantrum. It's easier to you know what I mean? Like so it's okay.

The sleep system that saved his marriage

SPEAKER_01 22:18

Are you gonna do the hard thing now and maybe have it pay off later? Are you gonna do the easy thing now and really like regret doing it? You mentioned the whole like uh some of the things that you did that you did with your kids and like kind of setting them up with or your kid setting them up for not having the screen time, three hours. I mean, I'll be honest, my kid probably had that this weekend. So not that we're just setting them in front of the TV and doing nothing, but uh I don't know. Like I just I just I didn't have this podcast when I started my kids, and so I didn't really know the research on everything and everything. So I'm learning, anyways.

SPEAKER_03 22:51

I think to your point, it's not like that kid's gonna grow up to be a bad kid. I don't think that's the case. I just think if you you're using it as a tool and you're using it and it's beneficial, great. But if you're just throwing on bluey, I don't know. That's maybe not so great. I mean, there there's research that says that it's not so great. So I don't I'm not an expert, but again, it's just it's not your fault. I think it's no, it's no parents' fault. It's the fault of these fucking devices and it's the fault of America for not giving us like free health care and free child care to be able to do this. Like when you're stressed and you're working eight to five, you can't parent, dude. It's fucking like it's work, bro. Like I just did a video about this the other day. Who anybody who says that being a full-time parent is easier than working nine to five, you can jump right the fuck in shark infested of waters with chum on your dick because you are an idiot. You have no idea what you're talking about. I literally have worked full-time as a parent and not had a job. It is, I would take a job every day of the week, especially a toddler phase, like a three major phase, bro. Our kid is in this phase, dude. This is like working two jobs. It is insane. So fuck that.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

No, I agree, man. And I'm the I'm the stay-at-home dad now, too. And that's really motivated me to get my ass out there and like find something because like I have a two-year-old that's a good thing. I don't want to do twos. You just went through that, and I have a neurodivergent five-year-old. And so she's quirky. And so someday she'll wake up like just screaming at me because I'm looking at her wrong, or something like that. But she's also the sweetest thing in the world, too. So it's like very day and night.

SPEAKER_03 24:28

Sour patch kids, man. Sour patch kids.

SPEAKER_01 24:30

Exactly. The sweet and sour components. It's crazy. But and I know for sure if I had to stay at home and watch them, I love them to death, but for my own sanity, I couldn't do it. Like, I'll just like I just know my mental health, and this gets into my next my next part here, whereas like before I had kid well, before I had my second kid, I was running 10Ks a day and in shape and all this and that. And I admire your fitness desire and the ability to keep it up and keep consistent with it all. So, how do you do it? Like, how do you prioritize your workout, sleep, mental health without feeling like a selfish father or like you're taking too much time away from your family?

SPEAKER_03 25:06

That's a good question. I mean, I would say sleep has to be number one, has to be non-negotiable. You got to figure that out. I don't know what that looks like for everybody. For us, I mentioned earlier about the split in the shifts. We still do that to the day. Where I don't see us ever not doing that. I like last night was my night, our kids slept through the whole night. Tonight is my wife. So if my kid wakes up, my wife handles it. She there's no if she's up, if my wife is up dealing with that for five hours, not my problem. It's my night to get sleep. And then tomorrow I'll handle it. And that way my wife can get sleep. So every other day, one of us is at least getting a full night's sleep. So that's number point number two. You got to get sleep, right? That was number one. Number two is your kid has to get sleep. So every kid should get sleep. If your kid isn't getting sleep, you need to sleep train them. A lot of people don't want to hear that, but not all kids sleep through the night and they need sleep more than you need sleep. They need 10 hours a day minimum. And that's at night. That's at night. They also need naps. So realistically, you combine that, they probably need 12 to 14 hours a day of sleep. They're before the age of five, they need sleep for cognitive development, for function, and to not be a crazy little human, they need fucking 10 to 15 hours. So you need to figure that portion out. And it took us a lot of time. You mentioned one of my videos. It took us two years to get to that point. Right around year one, we started sleep training, and it took us months to figure it out. Ever since I've done that video, which is called the chair method, I didn't invent it. It's just one of the things that worked for us. You know, there's Ferber, there's all these different methods, but that worked for us, and we did it. It took us three to four weeks. It was fucking hell. It was the worst thing we've ever done. But she has never, and I swear on my life, maybe in the last year and a half that we've done that, she maybe has had five shitty nights. Aside from that, slept all night, no interruptions, maybe grabbing her binky and putting it back in your mouth. But in terms of us dealing with it, maybe five or six times since we've done that. It has been unbelievable. And what happened now? Well, I'm getting sleep, my wife is getting sleep, our kid's getting sleep. The days are not shitty anymore. Like our kid is happy all day, like we're happy all day. It's a lot easier to deal with that. So to answer your question in a very long-winded way, everyone needs to get sleep. You have to figure that out. Nothing else matters. Food doesn't matter, fitness doesn't matter. Got to get sleep. Step one. And then as far as like fitness-wise, if you want to go hardcore and you're ready to rock and roll, obviously you took care of sleep already. So now you can physically work out because on no sleep working out, it's pointless. Don't even bother. With me, I'm very lucky because I have a garage gym at home. I think everyone should have a garage gym. I don't think you should waste money on membership because it's stupid, especially if you're a parent. Because now you're leaving for 30 minutes a day round trip. Maybe it's an hour round trip. That's wasting training time. And then you're leaving your family, which do you if that's what you want to do? You need an escape. That's cool. But for me, I'm involving my kid. So she's with me every single time I work out in the morning, three to four times a week. I wish it was a day. But I work out three to four times a week, and it's not as good as what it used to be because she's asking me a billion questions. But now I've been doing this ever since she's been born. No joke. You can look way back in my videos, and she's got that bouncer, and she's goo goo and gaga when she's six months old, and she's watching me do an ice plunge and throw kettlebells ever since then. But now she's almost three and she has these fake weights that are like 3D printed. They're called like baby weights or something, baby master weights. I forget what they're called. But now she works out with me, pretends work out. Obviously, they're they weigh like a half a pound. But and her form is horrible. We're working on it. But now at least she's in the garage with me. We're having fun, she'll bring out her toys. We make like a whole event out of it. So it's bonding for me. But she also knows that dad works out. Dad's disciplined. She asks me all the time, Daddy, are you done yet? I go, no, sweetie. Why do we work out? And she says, to be healthy. And I go, you got it. And when you're older, hopefully you'll want to work out as well. So now she sees discipline. So there's a lot more power in that than plopping them in front of a TV. And this is what I always go back to, which is if you have to do shit, like if you got to do the dishes, don't fucking put on the TV. Just let them do dishes with you. They're not going to get done, probably. But bro, she's learning so much, dude. Like she takes out the trash now. She feeds our dog. She's three years old. She does all she does half my chores already. But it's because we did it from like ever since she could walk at the age of one. She's been doing this shit for two years. So that's how I do with my fitness.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

That's awesome. And that's a consistency. I use this in a different video example, but like my daughter pouring water out of the fridge. Um she tries to do it, she's probably gonna spill. Like she's probably gonna spill, it's gonna be a mess. So sometimes I'm like, I'll do it. It's easier, it's quicker, it's less mess. And but but I but I think I'm doing a disservice doing things like that and thinking like that from the let's just not make a mess, let's not mess things up, let daddy just do everything. Like, and so like I love I love your approach, man, to how you're like integrating your kid into your lifestyle. She's seeing your discipline, she's seeing your consistency, she's seeing your work ethic, and that's that's definitely rubbing off on her. Hopefully, hopefully.

SPEAKER_03 30:10

I mean, we only have a short amount of time with them, so I could try to do everything right, and she's still gonna grow up to hate me and do drugs and blah blah. But there's only so much you could do. And what you can the only thing that I keep telling myself is I'm trying to prepare her for this wild world. And the earlier you can do it, the better, because they are so smart. As you they're so smart, like they're way smarter than you think. Like, whatever you think your kid is capable of, you're wrong. They're capable of way more. You are not pushing their limits. And to your point about like cleaning up, I love the fact of not doing things right because I even have a video in my drafts that I'm gonna post soon. She just this morning, she spilled apple juice all over the place. And I could talk about how I deal with that. But when she spilt it, she helped me clean it up because she spilt a hundred things since she's been on this planet. So she knows how to clean it up because the second she spills it, she knows what she has to do. She goes to get the towel, she cleans it up, she says she's sorry. I go, it's okay. Hey, things happen. I spilt things all the time too. Once we once we clean this up, we'll go get you some more. No big deal. And that's where we're at now. So I think that's a great lesson too, because she doesn't freak out when she spills things because she knows, hey, we'll clean it up. And think about that macro as a life lesson. So now when she gets older she's gonna make mistakes, she's not gonna fucking go downhill and have an anxiety attack.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

No, totally. That's a great way to handle it. And I I'll be honest, I don't handle it that way all the time. Um so I need to. And that that's like a great like how you deal with it, parents listening right now. Like, be calm, be cool, be collective, realize that your shit's gonna get all messed up with your kids are gonna mess your stuff up. That's just gonna I remember we got a new car before we had our first kid, and like we thought, like, oh, we're gonna keep this pristine, we're gonna

How he and his wife handle conflict

SPEAKER_01 31:56

keep this. There's like there's cracker crumbs like literally everywhere, and just like I would have died five years ago to to kind of like have that thought of like, oh, my brand new car that I just bought is completely trashed on the interior. But it it's it is what it is. You know what I mean? There's something special about finding that fry on the floor of your of your back seat, and you're like, Oh, remember that boat trip we had? We went to California, 13-hour trip, and all that kind of stuff we can talk about.

SPEAKER_03 32:21

Like McDonald's and about think about this if you can too. This is a good thought experiment for people. I think about this all the time. If there's a mess, or maybe we don't have the toys perfectly cleaned up or the dishes aren't done, and we end up going to bed and forgetting about them. I take a I literally take a picture mentally and physically, but I physically take a picture just so I can stamp it in my mind because eventually you won't have a mess in your house. Like they're gonna be gone. And when you if you think about that, it's horrible. So it's a horrible thought. So if you think about that and you physically take a picture and you just look at the picture for a second, look at the picture, save it, you look at the real mess, obviously. And then maybe like if the house is clean or something like that, keep that dirty ass picture in your camera roll. And it just reminds you like one day, dude, you're not gonna step on a Lego. One day there's not gonna be Tony's spread out all over the floor. Like, and you're gonna fucking wish there was a mess. So I do that as like a as a treatment to that's a great thought exercise for sure.

SPEAKER_01 33:21

Cause I hate the mess, but that thought is super way more terrifying than having a dirty mess and being on hoarders or anything like that. That is another fear of mine because the kids have so many damn toys, but I man, that I no, that's the worst. And like I so I'm trying to embrace that.

SPEAKER_03 33:39

As long as you don't fall, as long as you don't fall too far into the hoarder aspect and you stay closer to. I mean, you ever been to the cheesecake factory?

SPEAKER_02 33:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 33:47

How much do you hate that fucking menu? There's way too many choices. Imagine what a kid feels when they go into a playroom and they have like this massive thing, they're probably just like That's a good point.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

That's how I think if you put it that way, then I understand. Lastly, like on your relationship with your spouse, like it sounds like you guys are in alignment. Like, how does that work? Because I know that you're like I'm hearing from your end, like it everything's like just kind of like clicking on all cylinders, and I know that like from experience, like I don't know, but I don't know about you, but like personally for me, like there's a lot of I mentioned the tit for tat thing, or some of the stuff that comes up where it's like different parenting styles, like yeah, you handle something one way, your wife might handle it a different way, so to speak, or something, or vice versa. So, how do you how do you all stay in alignment? And then how do you handle uh relationship stafus and also like obviously you're raising a kid at the same time, so it's not like you can kind of one of you can just storm off, right? I mean, like how how maybe it used to be before you had a kid, you could handle things differently. So, anyways, how do you all handle that?

SPEAKER_03 34:47

Well, I mean, first of all, we argue all the time, all the time. I mean, we just argued the other day. Uh so nothing's perfect, but I think one thing that we found through this process is like if we can really communicate when she's down for a nap or sleeping, and we can really hash things out and figure out like recap the day, like what bothered us most about each other, quite frankly, whether it be parenting style or anything like that. Because we don't downplay each other's style, like the nine months when my wife was pregnant, we hashed out a lot, like how we should do things and who should do this. And oh, you're gonna change diapers and I'm gonna change diapers. Okay, we'll share that responsibility. But in terms of like bath time, maybe we'll do that occasionally. You'll do it mostly. I I'll occasionally do it. Like there was things that we like did it. And when it comes to our parenting style, my wife really, because she has a background in childcare, my wife really took control of like how we should do things and I trusted her. But then things we didn't know how to handle, like if it was a rough day or something like that, we'd wait for the kid to go down and we would research together. So we wouldn't take each other's advice. We would say, like, sleep training is a great example. When she wasn't sleeping, we tried to figure it out. Hey, babe, why don't you do this? Okay, you do this. And we tried to hash out together, but we've never dealt with this. Like we've never raised a human that was shitty at sleeping. So we had to research. And eventually we caved in and we researched together and we pulled up a bunch of articles and we sat down one day and let's try this. Let's try this. Okay, and we'll do this one. I don't want to do this one. Ferber method's stupid. We don't want to do that. So we figured out what to do and we went through trial and error, and it took us weeks to figure out the right solution, and it worked. And I think when you talk about social media and we talk about these dopamine bricks, that's a great utilization of how to use it. That's how you're supposed to use these things. So you use them for research to be better. We don't use them to doom scroll. So, like the days that were rough, we don't just go on our devices and doom scroll. We sit down and have face-to-face conversations, say, hey, I didn't like how you did this today. We need to talk about it. And we still do that. And I think it's made us stronger and more connected, but we still have our challenges. Um, but I think that's very crucial is like we don't uh we try not to, anyway, to consume so much content to where we forget about each other because I think the more and more that happens, you become more content with that type of lifestyle. And then it's very hard to get out of it. So we try to talk as much as we can. Because as with a parent, being a parent, as a parent, you don't really have a lot of time to talk to each other. Cause even when you try to talk to each other and the kids are awake, they always interrupt you and you can't get a thought out.

SPEAKER_02 37:11

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 37:12

So it's like you only have like a few hours if you really think about it, right? Like nap time if you're lucky and you're both home. But more often than not, you put the kid down at 7 or 8 p.m. You're going to bed at what, 10? So you have three hours with your spouse. Use that time to hash some shit out, figure out some solutions, and don't use it to doom scroll because that is uh a road to madness.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

No, I appreciate that advice and keeping it real. I love how you're not pretending like you have you have a lot of obviously stuff uh together and you're big and consistent and you've had that discipline and that work, but thank you for being real about the relationship struggles that go through having a kid. And I think that I can relate with that a lot too, where it's like the stressors of just, you know, you know, throwing a kid into the mix or two kids, or you know, some some on this show that have five, and it's like, no wonder, like, you know, like uh it's hard. Like, you know, it's not easy. And so I think it's a great um man, it's just it's just a you painted a great picture for people listening or watching right now. There's like, how do you handle stuff? How do you go through about it? The communication piece was something I wrote down because for me, it's always like we lot we suck at communicating, and that's that's our problem. That's our downfall, is because like, oh, I assumed like she was gonna do this and she didn't, and you're like

Time-blocking: the real fix

SPEAKER_01 38:23

if like for instance, if I assume she's gonna do the dishes and she doesn't, I come home or you know, get off work, whatever. The dishes are not done, you know, they're piling up out of the sink. You're like, what the fuck? Like, yeah, it's gonna take me like 30 minutes to l to un you know, load it, and then I gotta unload all the dishes before, and then you know, it's like for stuff just little simple stuff for me, like I, you know, at least in my relationship, it's always like the little stuff that that leads into the big fights. It's not like the big, like, oh, I you know, it's not like I got laid off and my wife is like pissed at me because like obviously it had nothing to do with me. But it was like, oh, I I gave her a dirty look, or like you said, the doom scrolling. She's talking to me while I'm on my fucking phone instead of looking at her because I'm so ingrained in what I'm doing and trying to get my numbers up and like we're obsessed with the podcast, she says. Like that I I don't know how you I saw that you have 300 episodes of just about, I think, 290, right? And and the humanity and hashtag humanity and hashtags, I should say, right? That's good. Yeah, and I so, anyways, man, I can't imagine how you don't get obsessed with that because it's like you've been doing it for so long, and it's like you want to, you know, when you do when you do Ron Swanson it and you whole ass one thing, right? Like you do want to write, like dig into the numbers and improve yourself, and you got the the the Christy Mike and the good background, all that stuff. And so, like, how do you not get obsessed with you know all that stuff? It's hard. I mean it's kind of this fine line. It's tough, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:41

I mean, I definitely am obsessed and I want it to grow like in a perfect world, I would do nothing but the podcast in my perfect world. And I would sit down and talk to people like yourself and people from all over the world about topics that I find interesting. But I don't know, man. I since I had a kid, I just I want these things to be good, but I just don't care as much as hanging out with my kid. Like I want to do enough to get us by and figure it out. And if something happens, amazing. I'm so blessed and so excited if it does. But if it doesn't, what the fuck ever? Who cares? So I might die tomorrow. But I just I uh I used to put a lot of pressure on myself and consume, but then as a kid of divorce, uh, I've seen some shit and I just know I know if social media was around

Where to find Tony — and your next move

SPEAKER_03 40:25

when my parents were together, they would have got divorced a lot sooner because it is so easy to get consumed uh by what's on our device.

SPEAKER_01 40:34

And there's a lot of temptation, isn't there not? So much temptation, right?

SPEAKER_03 40:38

By the way, it's so good. Like it's so good. Like TikTok is so great. There is not, there is never a time where I was like, what? I'm gonna stop using TikTok. Never because every video is funny. Everybody is so talented on there. People with a hundred followers are just as funny as people with a million. It's just such a great app because it's curated for me. There's a for you page. It's designed, the algorithm is designed to keep me hooked. It is the bartender that is on call, and I'm an alcoholic. It is ready to serve me whatever drink I want, and I fucking love it. But I'm also self-aware to know that that's a problem. That's a that's a serious problem. And that is a big reason why our kid doesn't come near these fucking things because they're just they're so good. And I've seen how we addicted we get and the lack of intimacy that I have with my wife when we are on these devices, and there is no path where that is gonna be good. There's no outcome where that makes sense. And I don't know, I think analog is the way to go. And I think a lot of people are gonna get more disconnected from their devices because they're gonna realize their relationship has fallen apart, their kids don't like them anymore, or worse, their kids are just as addicted to their devices than them. And the next thing we got these sexual predators on these devices DMing them, it's like dude, it's just fucking crazy.

SPEAKER_01 41:55

That's that's why part of what I've been trying to focus on too. Sometimes is just like how to prevent that. Like I know I have young kids, but like that shit scares me to death. It's almost like thinking about your kids being out of the house altogether. Where it's like you that reality is gonna come, they're gonna get to that age where that's gonna be an issue that you're gonna have to worry about. And so I'm trying to prep myself for all these bigger issues that they're gonna come up with in life. Not that they don't have issues right now, but it's like it's very small scale. Like it's more like those, you know, are they gonna be okay at daycare? Like I have these irrational thoughts about like I don't know, just dude.

SPEAKER_03 42:32

There there's no irrational thought with a parent because all of us have had those irrational thoughts and they are super rational at the time. It's like even still, even still, I pick up my kid from a nap and I walk down the stairs, and for some reason I'm like, oh, what if she like falls down the stairs? But I'm holding her. Like it's so irrational, it makes no sense. Like the only way she would fall is if I throw her. And sometimes I've thought about that. I was like, what if something happens and I accidentally like drop her and maybe I trip on a toy or something like that? And it's like you're walking down these stairs. It's like, I think this is all the stuff that we're talking about, where it's not you're having irrational thoughts about that. I think you just got so much shit going on, dude. There's so many tabs open. That's one thing I found out. When you have all these tabs open in your bra in your brain, and you got all these tabs going in your mind, a lot of stuff's gonna get fucked up. And if you could just slowly close these tabs and focus on what really matters, you talk about the podcast and how you want to grow it. I think that's very important if that's what you want to do, if you really enjoy it, and then block out time to focus on that, but then also block out time to focus on the wife, block out time to focus on the kid. And like, don't look at your phone or look at the analytics. Don't look at TikTok, don't look at anything on this phone unless it's within that time block that you're supposed to. So, like if your scrolling time is 5 p.m. to 6 p.m., that's it. Other than that, do not use the phone. That's one thing I found is like if you can figure out a way to time block your entire life, you gotta figure it out, dude.

SPEAKER_01 43:58

That's gold. I love I love it. I'm gonna try to implement that, see how it goes, because I do struggle with that myself. Uh in our relationship struggles for that, unfortunately. Uh so when I have a better relationship, want to be a better present father. And don't read the comments. So, anyways, Tony, this is absolute gold. Can you tell everyone where to find the podcast about your other projects, like where to find you on the internet and kind of keep keep along with you?

SPEAKER_03 44:18

As much as I've talked shit about the internet, um, go follow me there. Check out my Instagram, it's at the Barato. You can find me everywhere: TikTok, YouTube, everything at the Barato. And also my apparel brand, uh, if you want to check out that, it's humandad.com. Uh essentially the messaging is you're only human. Take a step back. You're never gonna have this figured out. It's okay. Human first, dad always. Um that's what we uh try to preach in our community. So check me out. I got all things going there. And then of course I got the podcast. You can find that on Instagram uh as well. But I just I wish you all the best of luck, Ryan. Sounds like you are on the right path, man. Sounds like you got a great head on your shoulders, just keep it up, dude. And uh, it was a pleasure to be on.

SPEAKER_01 44:58

Dude, no, thank you so much. I appreciate your time. If you want to uh when I get this out there, if you want to do any sort of promotion with your brand or anything like that, let me know.

SPEAKER_03 45:07

If anybody listening uh wants to check out the brand, go to humandad.com. And if you want to use the code uh dad20, that'll hook you up with uh 20% off the whole site, as well as some free shipping uh anywhere in the U.S. So for your listeners, thank you for checking it out. And make sure you subscribe into this guy's podcast too.

SPEAKER_01 45:25

I appreciate it. Yours as well, the humanity and hashtags, um, plural, humanity and hashtags. And man, no, I love that value bringing 20% discount for all the viewers. That is a cool looking shirt. I'll be honest with you. I want it, I want to see the back, man. I want to see the nutritional facts of can we can we reach it?

unknown 45:43

Let's see.

SPEAKER_01 45:44

Let's see. Okay, so protective 100, 1200 patients getting there, playful 100, caffeine overdosed, all right, hard working 1000 and sleep 0%. I think that's what it okay. That's sweet. I love that. I love that. No, I love I love reading the decision stuff on anything, and it's just like even my internet service now has that, like you're it's like, oh, it tells you exactly what the kind of crap you're getting. But no, that's hilarious. And I'm the dad joke. I'm the 40. I just joined the 40 club, so I'm all for it, man. I love it. Awesome. I know totally. And you said you're 41. You don't look 41, though, man. You look you look like you're in your 30s, you got it all together. So, man, a lot of things to strive for.