Moving Forward After Cancer and Retirement — Stepping Into My Third-Half of Life

Special guest:

Holly Totten is a nonfiction editor and writing coach who helps people turn their ideas and experiences into clear, compelling stories. With over 30 years of experience, she guides writers in shaping their message so it connects, builds credibility, and serves their purpose.

Both Holly and her husband are cancer survivors. She retired after 30 years of teaching at 54 — during her husband's cancer journey — not knowing what her future would hold. She knew, however, that she was not finished impacting this world. Holly combined her love for teaching, writing, and editing to start helping others share their stories.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to Live Your Legacy. Where every story holds a turning point. And every turning point holds the power of legacy.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Welcome to Live Your Legacy, where we explore how life's defining moments shape the legacy we leave behind. I'm your host, Patricia D. Fodenberg, also known as Patty from New York. And this show is rooted in a simple truth. Grief is not always about death. Sometimes it comes through life's changes, losses, detours, and new beginnings. And here we speak with entrepreneurs, authors, leaders, and creators who have turned their life's defining moments into meaningful work and lasting contributions because legacy is not only what we leave behind, it's what we are shaping right now through vision, impact, and purpose. And today I am honored to welcome Holly Totten, who's a nonfiction editor and writing coach who helps people turn their ideas and experiences into clear, compelling stories with over 30 years of experience. She guides writers in shaping their message so it could connect, build credibility, and serve their purpose. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Live Your Legacy, my friend Holly Totten. For those of who don't know you very well might not know you very well, please tell us a little bit more about yourself and the work you are doing. Holly, thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

Oh Patty, thank you so much. I am so excited to be on your show. I love all your episodes. I think you do such a great job, and you just bring so much to people. So I'm really to be here. So a little bit more about me. I am a retired teacher. I taught for 32 years. I taught English and writing and various different aspects, you know, through my career. And I think that's really where I got my, not really where I got my love for writing. I got my love from writing from my mother, but I expanded on it and learned so much throughout that portion. And while I was doing that, I also began editing and and helping others with their writing. So I think that with what you've already said, just kind of tells pretty much my background.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

Well, we're gonna put our scuba gear on because we're gonna dive a little deeper today. Uh legacy, I'm really excited to learn a little bit more. Can you tell the peeps where you're from? Where are you coming in from, Holly?

SPEAKER_00 2:42

I'm coming from Whitney, Texas, Central Texas. I live in a very small town. We're in the country. Um, I tell people all the time what because I drive like a lot every morning because I take care of my grandkids and I meet them. It takes like 30 minutes to get them, and then I take them back 30 minutes. I hit one stop sign or one red light and pass about 15 cars in that 30 minutes. So that's how far out into nowhere we are. And so uh, but central Texas, I love it. It's um it's a blessing to be where we are.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

Wow, wow. Well, I share a love for Texas. My daughter lives in Austin, a little bit more populated, uh, but nonetheless, uh I'm a Texas fan, a Texas lover. I visited a few times now uh and really love it there. Um, and people like you, well, just awesome. So we're gonna get into it. Um, we're eager to find out a little bit more. And this this show, I call it like it's the turnaround stories, right? So I'm gonna get right into uh a question just so we can get right into into the in into the story. I'm ready was there a pivotal moment that changed the direction of your life's work?

SPEAKER_00 3:55

There was, Patty. In uh 2011, I was diagnosed with cancer. Um, pretty much out of the blue. I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was teaching, and I battled that, and I'm just one of those positive people, and I just knew from the beginning that I was gonna be okay. Like literally when I because I was driving and had gone and done the biopsy and the test, and the the doctor called and I answered the phone while I was driving, and he told me that the results were positive, and I lost him because you know, like I said, we're out in the middle of nowhere, and I lost him signal-wise. So I got to where I had another signal, I pulled over and I called him back and I told him, I said, I'm I'm sorry, I'm driving. I lost you. And he said, Oh my goodness, you're driving while I'm telling you this. And I was like, Yeah, but I pulled over. So we had our conversation, but I just knew in my heart from that point on that I was gonna be okay. But I am the eternal optimist, you know, I just am. That's been my whole life. I'm an I am, and I'll every all of my friends say I'm the person that finds the silver lining, regardless of what's going on. And so, but it was a battle, it really was a battle. And I was teaching school, my daughter was a senior, my son was in college, my husband, you know, was working, just the whole the whole family vibe going on, and it was tough. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna lie, it was tough. And that was in 2011. And so battled that, and I'm gonna fast forward to 2017 because in 2017, because I I came out of that. I did the chemo, I did all the things, I became bald, and all the things that that you typically associate with cancer, I did. And it's I don't know, it's kind of funny because your body and your mind tend to take care of you in things. I have to, I remember the positive aspects, and it it's it's crazy to say there were positive aspects about cancer, but there were.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

No, people need to hear that.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Yeah, there were, and I have to really make myself bring up the negative aspects, you know, because there were, but there was also so much positive that came forward out of that, and then but I'm gonna fast forward to 2017 because my husband was diagnosed with cancer in 2017. Oh boy, yes, and I'm not gonna lie, that was almost more of a kick in the tail than mine, because he's my everything, you know. Of course, um, and so that was the year that I had my 30 years in on teaching, and he was diagnosed at the beginning of May, and I had not even considered retiring because I love teaching, that was my life. I loved the aspect of it. And at the beginning of May, he was diagnosed, and we weren't sure what the future was gonna hold for us, and so with overnight literally sitting in a hospital room with him, we decided I needed to retire. So the next morning I contacted the teacher retirement association and um put in my deal for retirement, and that May, I was retired, still not knowing what our future was, what my future or his either one was.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

So hold that thought. Hold that thought for a minute. Okay, you said that a couple times. Now, this is a perfect case in point. Who does? Well, that's true, that is true, right? So, with that, with that being said, what was there a revelation, a lesson learned, a personal model that helped guide you through this journey, through this decision that you made together?

SPEAKER_00 8:02

There was, there was, and I think it boils down to family over everything, you know, family and God, God first always. And everything we did and everything we do is done prayerfully, but family first. And I really had to look at how to what I needed to do to take care of him and and my kids, you know, my kids were in college, freshly out of college, you know, that that aspect. My daughter was getting married that summer, you know, there was so much going on. My my parents, we had just moved them here that January because my dad was in the process of dying with dementia. There was just so many layers to my life at that point. And having battled cancer myself, I knew what my husband was up against. And I can't tell you how badly I wished it would have been me because I knew I could handle it. But I was, and it's not that he's not a strong person, nothing taking away from him, but I knew I could. I wasn't sure he could, you know, because it's a it's a difficult process. And so I I think that defining moment was family. You know, you do what you have to do to take care of your family. And in that aspect for me, it was going ahead and retiring because, like I said, I didn't know what the future held. I didn't know if I would have to be, if I would be widowed, if I would be having to take care of him come fall. And I taught 30 minutes away in a drive, 30 minutes away, which isn't a lot for people living in metropolitan area, but where I live, it's a it's a drive, you know. And so there were all these things to consider. So overnight, literally overnight, I made the decision to retire.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

And so I did. We lost my dad. That was in May. Go ahead. You're gonna ask a question.

SPEAKER_01 10:09

You know, I I my deepest condolences for the losses, you know. I mean, that that's part of life that's never feels good, you know. That's just part of life that never feels good. And I'm certain because I know you a little bit, and I'm I'm very honored to know you, and we became uh friends and and you know, our uh common ground, and I I know you make good of that, you know. I I know you make the best of that. Uh, but nonetheless, so now you're you lose your dad, you retired suddenly, you're not sure what's gonna happen with your husband's health, you're barely better, and you're still being a mom, a caretaker. Um now what? Now what is the turnaround?

SPEAKER_00 10:51

Tell us now what is come August when we we kind of knew my husband was going to survive because it was one of those his cancer was completely different than mine. His was either he's going to survive or he's not. There was it was just kind of black and white, you know, it's like six weeks, or he's gonna survive, and you know, he did survive, and he's still he's still with us and thriving and doing well, and we feel so incredibly blessed. But come August, the school district that I retired from called me back and said, Would you like to come back part-time? And I was I and and we were at a point where I could because, like I had mentioned earlier, I had not even considered retiring, but I was 52, you know, I was young, very young. And so I did go back. I went back for two years. My daughter and son then became pregnant, so I retired to keep grandkids. I re-retired, I'm a re-read. But I also at that point of my life moving forward, I knew that I still had so much to give to people because teaching and taking all of that was just my life, and so I and I c I call it my third half of life because I I grew up, got married, had kids first half, raised my kids, got them out into the world, had my career, retired second half. Now I step into this third half and I'm I'm lost. I really was lost. I had no identity. I lost and hadn't lost my friends from teaching, but I lost my identity of teaching, you know, with the cohorts and my companions and the the people that I worked with and the and my students, you know, I missed my students dearly.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

There's grief in that. Yeah, there's grief in that there is because you you die to your you die to your old self. Doesn't mean your old self was bad. Um but it's but you're you're you're you're starting a new lifestyle, right? And the person you knew and all the habits you did, it's kind of like uh there is a grief there, yeah. There is a grief there, and and that's and that's the point of this story. We love to hear the turnarounds because we want to give the people hope. So let's hear it.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

How do you move forward from that? You know, and you know, and my husband moving forward, we had to make life changes with him, um, lifestyle changes, I guess, with him, lifestyle changes with me from my cancer, you know, we just had all this to deal with. We had two newly married kit children, you know, brought in two new people into our family, started bringing in children, grandchildren into our family. So there were all these changes that are really no different than anybody else goes through. But how do you deal with them? And I didn't want to be stagnant, I didn't want to just survive, I wanted to continue to give back. So I started a podcast, I started my my professional editing business and and stepped into this third half of my life, and I absolutely loved it, and I haven't haven't stopped, you know. I I help people share their stories because I I truly honestly believe that sharing our stories help other people and they help us, you know, they help us heal, they help us move forward, but you never know. And and kind of one of the things I've always said is you never know who needs to hear exactly what you have to say. And if you don't share it, they can't hear it.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Exactly. It's so true. It's it, and sometimes somebody could hear something a hundred times, and you could be that that 101 time that it lands because it's happened to me. I'm I'm witness, you know, I'm witness, I'm testimony, I'm all I'm I'm in the same vein with you. I'm in agreement, and that's why we're here today. Um, you know, we we we share that love for spreading awareness and in hopes that somebody will take a moment and say, Hey, I could do it too. If they can do it, I can do it too. Because we all are human, right? Yes, and if we're human, that means we have the pretty much the capacities, the potentials to get it done too. So, what would you say to your younger self today?

SPEAKER_00 15:33

Oh, that's a very good question. I think I would say don't, and uh, this is kind of sounds cliche, but I would say don't sweat the small stuff that life is gonna be okay. Trust your instinct and move forward and trust your love.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Trust I love that you trusted your instinct because when you were talking, it I love that you know you just knew you were gonna be all right. That was one thing that stood out to me. Yeah, I love that when you know you knew you you were gonna be there for your husband and you had the years in that you were gonna retire, instinct, instinct again when it was the grandchildren. Um, so this is a really strong message. Um, I really like that. I really like that a lot. And I I hope you know, somebody out there will be able to take that away. What wisdom would you want to give to your future self to keep holding on to?

SPEAKER_00 16:26

I think my future self needs to really realize that. Oh, I don't know how to put this into words, to keep moving forward. I think as long as we're moving in the right direction, and sometimes we take a step or two back, but then we take a step or two forward. But when you become stagnant is when it stops, and I that's something I I remind myself of because moving forward, moving in general is the way to be, but you can't move forward unless you're moving. That's right. And I I want to move forward regardless of where I am in life, what I'm doing in life. I want to continue moving forward with what I have to offer, what I have to give, what I have to help other people with.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

I love that. I love that because when you when you say it like that, it life keeps coming to mind. Life, and it's so precious. So keep it moving. Keep it moving. Okay, here's another one: a little discovery, a little discovery question. Who has been the most memorable mentor in your life and why? And it might be more than one. And if you want to talk more than one, uh, I I know that's a hard question because it's like, oh, you know, in a lifetime, how do you pick just one? But who comes to mind? Who comes to mind?

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Well, I'm gonna say this right off the bat, both of my parents, because I was I was fortunate enough to grow up in a very loving home with very supporting parents, supportive parents. And my dad always told me that, and it's a quote from uh I'm gonna have to come up with the last name. It's okay. But you were born with the work in your heart, and so and and what you what you are meant to do was born with it in your heart, and for me, that was always, and as I look back through my life, it was always giving to others, helping others, but since I was tiny, it was through writing, and and that's something that I have continuously done through my whole life, and typically it has been through writing, writing poetry, writing songs, writing notes, and you know, just whatever it may be to people. And so, and my dad was a musician, he was a musician, but he was also a songwriter, and that really instilled a lot of that in me. But then my mom also was a writer. Oh, and he played a huge, beyond huge role in my life, and she was my supporter, she was the one that I always called for any advice, you know, any anything that was going on, it was always my mom, and uh so those two I think are top of the list answer to that question, but then I also have to throw my husband in there because go for it.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

I know the list could go on and on, but I keep it too.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

Yeah, but these three are my top, these are my top, my parents always, and then my husband, because he has he's just my rock, you know. I I don't know how else to even go from there. He um he's the one that holds me up through everything. He's been there since I've known him the last 41 years, you know. And so I love that we just recently celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary.

SPEAKER_01 20:12

Oh, happy anniversary, a little bit later. That's okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

So uh, but those I think those three are my that's my top answers for that.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

It's really, really beautiful, and clearly uh they influenced you. Clearly they influenced you. So that's really really awesome. That's that's really really awesome. Well, what does legacy mean to you personally? And again, you know, legacy, it's one of those words that we're hearing a lot lately. Uh, I've been talking about it for almost a decade now. However, it just seems to have a lot of meanings. So let's hear yours. What does legacy mean to you, Holly?

SPEAKER_00 20:46

So um legacy, I think, starts long before we're gone. I think it is the way we live our life, and I think that is in intentional in a way. It should be. I don't know that it is with everybody, but I think it should be intentional because once I'm gone, I hope that the legacy that I leave is one of positivity and love and honor for all of the things that I believe and the people that have influenced me and the people that I love, and and it's something that I hope they can grasp onto and carry forward.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

That's really beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

So I really think that's what legacy means to me. I think it starts long before it ever happens.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

That's really beautiful. I like it said in those words, and I'm in agreement, in alignment with the overall meaning and the way you shared it, but I've never heard it said that way. Oh, uh, it's very beautiful. I I love that you said that way. So thank you for gifting that to us and the world and me because I really, really love that. That that was really beautiful. So, this is in alignment with that question of what do you hope people remember most about the way you lived, worked, or served?

SPEAKER_00 22:10

Wow. I really hope that people remember me in a loving way. That I loved them, that I lifted them up. That's what I strive to do. And I know I fall short because we always do. But I really hope that I serve people and I hope that's what they remember.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

Well, I know you and I don't see you falling short, but that's a different story. I know nobody's perfect, and I know what you meant by that, but I just love you so much. I adore you. You're you're an amazing woman. You're doing great work in the world. If you can do it all again, would you change anything? Or did every part of your journey have a purpose? Even the tough stuff.

SPEAKER_00 23:00

Even the tough stuff. You know, I think especially the tough stuff, because like I said at the very beginning, I think our bodies and our brains protect us from the negative that we go through. It's kind of like for women that have had childbirth, you don't remember that pain, but you just remember the joy and all of the good things. And even through cancer and losing my parents, even though my mom was very recent, I just remember the good. And that could be my choosing, but I also think our bodies and our brains are built to protect us in that. And so I really don't think I would change. I can't think of anything I would change. No, I love it. I don't try to grasp something.

SPEAKER_01 23:49

No, but you know what I love about your answer for me. It's it's gratitude. You got through it, you're a survivor, you have faith, you have love, and um yeah, you just I I love it.

SPEAKER_00 24:02

Just move forward. That's what you know. You've got to move, keep moving.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

Yeah, yeah, you're putting the money where your mouth is. I'm telling you. So, what is something about your journey that most people would be surprised to learn? You know, secret time.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

Surprised. Wow, I think people would be surprised to learn that I really I contemplate over everything. And in contemplate, I'm gonna say, and I may be way off base here, but I think I'm pretty close on that. I worry, I concern myself with others' feelings so much that there's times when I really have to guard myself and say, okay, that's out of my hands. I can't continue to worry about that, I can't continue to think about I've got to go on. And I don't know that people know the depth of that with me sometimes. Does that make sense at all?

SPEAKER_01 25:06

It does make sense. So, you know, you're you're being very vulnerable now, and thank you for sharing that because you know, sometimes when we're doing so many things and we hold it all together, sometimes, you know, it it's good to to put a little light on, you know, the stuff that might not be so obvious. Um but you're human too, right? You're human too, you're sensitive too, right? You're compassionate too. And uh, even even though sometimes when you're in business and you're a powerhouse, you know, it might seem like, oh, she's so tough, she can handle it. But you know, when you're sensitive and we can't, right? We can't always make everybody happy, um, whether it's our children, our mothers, our brothers, our sisters. So that was beautiful. That was beautiful. Um, thank you for letting us into your heart. And um, that really is lovely, really, really lovely. And I appreciate your vulnerability. Again, it might land with somebody and just totally just be a catalyst for goodness sake. So, we're gonna now pivot a little bit to more of what you're doing lately. Let's talk a little bit more about um you mentioned the podcast. Let's hear a little bit more about it. I'm gonna bring up your website too, and where people could find you. And we do have some comments as well. Let's let's see some comments here. We got some comments. I'm looking forward to this talk. Thank you so much. You're amazing. All right, we got some love going on. They're loving what you're saying. Uh, Holly, you got some fans here. Mosaic Sparks. Uh, you can tell that you lean on your faith. Absolutely. Absolutely. That's really, really beautiful. Aw, thank you. And look, they they're really loving what you're sharing. They're really, really loving what you're sharing. I'm gonna put on the screen here your website. Um, here's your here's your profile. I'm just gonna scroll up and then we'll scroll back to the top. Um, but here, check out the articles. You know, we got some coaching that you do. You're gonna be having a podcast. Be on the lookout. I would say, you know, follow, you know, follow Holly on all the socials. Let's bring some socials up here. Let's get some socials going on here. And um, again, we got 30 years, 30 years of experience. Talk a little bit about the website and talk a little bit about your podcast, uh Holly. Turn it over to you.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

Perfect. Okay, so my podcast, I had mentioned that I started one earlier and I did, and it was it was uh it was geared towards women approaching that third half of life because I was searching for help and in knowing what to do and how to navigate and where to go once I retired, helping my husband battle through the cancer after I had battled through cancer, being empty nesters, all the things, and I couldn't find what I needed, so I thought I'm gonna be what I needed. So I stepped into that and I did that, and I absolutely loved it. I had a great following, did great, but at a certain point it was done. I felt like that chapter had been written, and so now I am going into a podcast called The Edit, which will come out in early May, if not sooner, but probably early May. And it is geared towards my love of helping people share their stories, writing, coaching, editing, and it's it's talking to authors and entrepreneurs and business owners and people that need to share their story because I so strongly believe, and I said this earlier, that you never know who needs to hear exactly what you have to say. And if you're not sharing it, they're not gonna hear it. And so that's what the new podcast is geared towards, and it's called The Edit. And it, like I said, look for it later this month, early May at the latest. And with my website, you will find the things that I offer. I do offer writing coaching, I offer editing services, and then I also have something called Gathered with Purpose, where I do a collaborative book for nonprofits and service organizations where the people that are involved in those each write a chapter to tell the impact that their service or their nonprofit has had on them and on their community. And it is a beautiful work once it is all compiled and put together.

unknown 29:43

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 29:44

Wow, that's really, really awesome. You see, I just learned something new. I thought I thought I knew you well. I didn't own that that little piece. Thank you for sharing that. I'm kind of like, I'm like, uh, wow, let's talk. Okay. So also one more thing. Hold on, I'm getting a thing here. When you go to do your podcast, where are we going to be able to listen to you? Um, do you have that lined up yet?

SPEAKER_00 30:08

I do. It will be on it, it's uh audio only at this point. I may eventually go into YouTube or like you're doing live. I'm not sure about that yet, but I do know it will be audio with Apple Podcasts, Spotify, anywhere that you typically find your podcast. My old podcast was called Teaching Yourself to Learn, and it is still active and viable. So if anybody is interested in that, they're welcome to search that and find those episodes. There's 94 episodes, I believe.

SPEAKER_03 30:41

Nice.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

Um, and it is on all the places, and um it's uh I think it was a good podcast.

SPEAKER_01 30:50

So absolutely. Uh I I I remember you know checking it out and it's up there in numbers. Um so you know, it's very, very popular. So you definitely were serving the people. So thank you for that. And where do you hang out? Where do you like to have a little playtime on Facebook, on Instagram? Where can we find you?

SPEAKER_00 31:13

I like um LinkedIn, Facebook, and Instagram, all three. My face and the my website, of course, but rightly notable or Holly Totten, either one is where you'll find me on socials.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

So very good, very good. So, with um the show coming to an end, we want to say thank you so so much. I hope the viewers enjoyed you, hope the listeners enjoyed you. And can you give us a closing remark? Give us something to walk away with uh before we wrap it up here, Holly. And again, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

You are so welcome, and thank you for your time. I've thoroughly enjoyed this, and you know, I I'm gonna tie it into what I've said all along throughout this whole thing is you have to keep moving it regardless, and because I'm I'm older and I'll be the first to admit it, I'm never afraid of my age. My Mee Ma used to always tell me, never be afraid of your age because the alternative is not so good, and that's true. You know, when you think about words of wisdom, got alone, got alone, and but moving forward, keep going, do what's in your heart, you know, and and share your story because somebody needs to hear what you have to say, you're going to help somebody with your story.

SPEAKER_01 32:36

Wow, thank you so much. That's it, you're awesome. That the students that had you as a teacher were very blessed. I must say that. Uh, just just just from the how much I know you they're very, very blessed students. So uh thank you again, Holly. Again, if you did not follow Holly, you could also find her on Live Your Legacy. All her social are right there, whether it's the website, Facebook, Instagram, upcoming, upcoming podcasts. Go to Livelegacy.vip for vision, impact, and purpose. That's live legacy, live legacy. Whichever way you want to have it, and check out this episode with Holly Totten. She is amazing. We ask you to support you know the shows, and we thank you for viewing. This was brought to you by Mr. Graham, a global solution to cope with grief, mourning at the speed of life. And this show is Live Your Legacy. And with that being said, we'll see you next time. Thank you, Holly, and God bless.

SPEAKER_03 33:54

Every step, every start, every start, we've got to be able to do that.