Something Is Responding

In this solo episode, Patricia D. Freudenberg — AKA Patty from New York — reflects on her Legacy Café newsletter article, ‘Something Is Responding.’

This episode explores the idea that life is not silent. Something is always responding to our thoughts, our choices, our energy, our grief, and our willingness to move forward. Whether we are healing, rebuilding, remembering, or simply trying to take the next right step, every action creates movement.

Through the lens of grief recovery and legacy, Patricia invites listeners to consider how small shifts can create meaningful change. This conversation is a reminder that even when life feels still, something is moving beneath the surface. Something is answering. Something is responding.

"Even when life feels still, something is moving beneath the surface. Something is answering. Something is responding."

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to Live Your Legacy. Where every story holds a turning point. And every turning point holds the power of legacy.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Live Your Legacy, a Mr. Grand production where we explore life's defining moments, shape the legacy we are leaving, living and building and leaving behind. I'm your host, Patricia D. Fordenberg, also known as Patty from New York. And this show is rooted in a simple truth. Grief isn't always about death. Sometimes grief comes through life's changes, losses, detours, transitions, disappointments, and new beginnings. And I invite you to take a seat and take your shoes off. Here we hold real conversations, reflections about the moments that changed us, challenged us, and called us forward. Some episodes feature inspiring guests who have turned their defining moments into meaningful work, service, creativity, and contributions. Other episodes, like today, reflect and are inspired by Legacy Cafe, a newsletter found on Mr. Gram, where we pause, breathe, and explore grief recovery through the lens of legacy, which is my area of focus. Because legacy is not only what we leave behind, legacy is what we are shaping right now through vision, impact, and purpose. So I do want to share that as a grief consultant, that again is my area of focus, the seventh stage of grief. You heard it, the seventh stage of grief. I call it the light at the end of the tunnel. Because you know what? It's hard, but it's something that is going to happen to all of us. So I just want to uh invite you to again take a pause and take a seat. So, you know, whether you are rebuilding or remembering again or simply taking the next brave step step step. Your story still matters, your life still speaks, and something meaningful can still grow from where you have been. Some things are results, some things are responses. And if we're willing to sit with that for just a moment, not not not just not just you know uh past it, you know, it's not not not to explain it away, but really sit with it, you know, we do begin to notice a pattern, and uh that pattern is you know telling us a story. So if you if you pay attention, right? If you pay attention, there is a truth there somewhere. Uh it's it's not random all the time, and that's what the article is about. So I I want to go ahead and read this article because you know it will inspire somebody. I know it because I've already been told, and that's why I come to do these shows and I host community chat rooms uh for these conversations, which never seem like it's the right time to. So this article you will find it in uh the Miss You Graham website. That's M-I-S-S-U, hyphen g R A M. Here we go. If you're watching on video, it's it's right there on the screen. M-I-S-S-H-U-H-G-R-A-M. Graham means to relay a message via recording, writing, or video, and you know it's an oldie but goody word, and miss you. Well, you know, that's a feeling, right? That's a feeling, and as a grief consultant, what better word is there than that? Miss you? Well, I guess there is one word, love you, right? And that's the good news about grief, love never dies. And you know, when we miss somebody that passed away, of course, we're gonna feel our heart strings pulling. And there's um a quote that I adopted uh grief is the price we pay for love. However, uh, it's also a physical measurement, and this is Patty's you know, notions. It's a physical measurement of how deep our love is, and that love, that deep love, if you could think of it as like an anchor, right? An anchor. Oh, we got some love here. Yay! Um, I I know this lady, this wonderful lady, big supporter. Hope you like your mugs. I don't have my mug handy. Uh, it's it's in the dishwasher. Uh, where you can find the miss you grand mugs when you miss somebody that passed away. There's celebrate mugs, um, little sidebar here. Uh, but we're getting some Mother's Day love. Yeah, Mother's Day is a bit of sweet when your loved one has gone into the afterlife. Whatever that means to you, I I believe in heaven, but heaven is here on earth, right? Heaven is here on earth. So I have a new relationship with my mother, and I'm coming on two years, and uh Nancy uh Ishapiro, that's a good old friend of mine. Um, old meaning in years and years and years that we've been friends, and yeah, you know, I get it. I totally get it. And you know, sometimes I'm careful saying that because you know, every everybody's experience is unique to their own. So I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I resonate with the feelings. I think that's fair to say. So I totally get it. But good news is, like I said, love never dies, right? So let's celebrate them, let's talk about them because sometimes it feels like the elephant in a room. Sometimes you feel like, well, you don't want to make other people feel some sort of way because now you're talking about somebody that has gone to the afterlife because it our spirit goes somewhere. That's science, that's not religion, that's science. And you know, is it them? Is it their personality? I don't know. I hope to think so. So I choose things that make me feel good, and that makes me feel good. So I'm going to stick with what works, and that's what it's about. It's um about it's not about right or wrong, is it about is it working or is it not working? And it always comes down to choice. You know, most of us have a choice. Sometimes there are situations where you're like, like, not you know, I'll like I exaggerate to make a point, but these are true circumstances. Some people are on ventilators, they don't have the capacity to make a choice for themselves. Okay, you want to argue that? Go ahead. Uh, but if you're you know able to think for yourself, there's always a choice. We live in a dual world. Sometimes we don't want the choice, so we we we tell ourselves, there's I have no choice, they gave me no choice. Yeah, there's always a choice. You might be choosing the better of the two, and one is just so horrifying that you know, you feel like you have no choice because you still don't like the other choice. But the bottom line is there's always a choice, and when it comes to grief, okay, this is also the good news is that there's only one way up because again, not according to Patty's notions, and I just want to disclose as I like to all the time, I'm not a medical doctor or therapist by choice. I could have gone to school, I could still sign up and go to school. I'm a smart lady, I've accomplished a lot, you know. And I finally come to realize my self-worth. So for anybody out there that's struggling with I'm not smart enough, I'm not this enough, I'm not that enough, get over it. Yes, you, yes, you are, yes, you can. Um, everybody's gifted, everybody's entrusted with something uh in this world. Uh, maybe it's just your amazing smile, right? Maybe it's your amazing muffins. I don't know. It's something, and that's that I could tell you. So, you know, live your best life. And again, going back to legacy, that's why it's my area of focus because we can't do anything about what happened outside of us, which is the elephant in the room, the person that passed away, right? And I don't mean to do a whole like uh mini coaching session, but I sometimes I just you know like to give these examples, right, and metaphors because it might be the key that opens the door to your heart to again feel again, again, living your legacy. It's okay to to to remember what was, you know, take the good things, you know, don't think of that last day that you, you know, weren't going seeing them again. You know, think of all the beautiful treasures that those moments that you made, those precious moments that you made, nobody could take them away. Even if your loved one was still here, last year's celebrations are still last year's celebration. And and it they'll never be minimized because they happen. Can't unbake a cake. So that's that that's something just to switch your your perspective on, change your your lens, right? To put different lens on. And what I wanted to say, which I almost like didn't come back to a full circle of what made me even start talking about this, is that grief, there's only one way up. And again, according to medical studies, I like to go to Stanford University or Harvard University. I don't know why, maybe because they've been around for like ever. I don't know. I just like them, or a lot of people recognize them, so they're like, oh yeah, I know what you're talking about. But there's a lot of medical studies, they're not the only ones. There's a lot of amazing, great, great medical studies around the world, and they have found that you know, grief is a by a vibration, right? Cause by emotions, and then what happens when you when you when you have these thoughts that bring you to a low vibration, then your body starts creating chemicals in your brain to make you have more of that feeling, and then you're just gonna pay attention to that feeling and motion, and then you become just a replay of that feeling, right? And again, this is not Patty medical, medical doctor or or or therapist. This is Patty passing on resourceful information, okay. That that that little piece right there was through Dr. Joe Dispenza. Go YouTube him, go read his books. He I read a few of his books. Amazing, amazing. He was the he was the a doctor who discovered genetics, okay, epigenetics, which is your your your your conscious mind being able to change your actual DNA. Okay, different story. Let's get back on track. According to Stanford University Studies, grief is the lowest vibration a human could have, right? And where do you go from there, right? Where do you go from there? Up, right? You go up. So the beautiful thing, and the good news is it is a hundred percent possible. This is what I teach, this is what I share, this is what I will continue to talk about because it's good news. It is a hundred percent possible to get to the highest vibration, which is a feel-good, it's a feel-good, right? It's a feel-good vibration, right? It's a feel-good chemical that your body will start to create, right? It's endorphins, yeah, that part, and it's a hundred percent possible, and it's even possible to be omnius, it's even possible to be like all of a sudden, immediately from the lowest to the highest. Now, there's a lot of stuff in the middle, right? Even anger, and again, you got to be careful because you don't want to hurt yourself or others, but letting go, just uh doing that is actually better than yeah, okay. I'm not saying staying still, like looking for discernment, that's different, that's meditation, that's a different type of vibration. The idea is that I want to share it's 100% possible. That is good news. Now, like Einstein says, we live in a world of possibility that it's governed, key word, it's governed. This is quantum mechanics now, at its best, it's governed by probability now. Because when you use your conscious mind, right, in a state of higher awareness, you actually will burn calories, and it's no different than wanting to look good and going to the gym. It's no different, it's mental work, your brain will be sweating, okay. People's true thing. That's why humans, we cannot be all day on a like higher state of awareness, okay? It's so easy for me to come on here and talk about it. Like, I got this. I just know how to get there, I just know how to recover, I just know how to get back up. But I'm human, I bleed, and I get there too. I know what it feels like to be stuck. But the good news is I've learned these tricks, these tools, these skills, whatever you want to call it, and they work. And sometimes I just want to have a whole pity party for myself. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. Sometimes I get in those moods. Again, I'm human. I don't stay there though, because they're just, you know, whatever. After a while, they're not serving me, you know. But sometimes contrast is good, going back to grief. Sometimes, you know, how do we know love if we don't know, you know, pain? How do we, you know, like again, and then throw it up to the sky because it's the mysteries of the world, they become phenomenons. Why? I don't know. I don't got all the answers. You know, I don't got all the answers. All I know is that it's possible to feel good a lot of the time. It really is. Okay. And it's possible to catch yourself if you are a willing participant. You have to be a willing participant. That's why I always say I'm a guide. Even my book, I call it a guidebook. Okay, it's an easy read because I don't want to give you a freaking thesis. I don't want to give you home that like a load of homework where you feel like you have to take an SAT after reading a book when you're trying to feel better. This book is like something to read almost like a magazine, you know, a chapter a day. It should take you about 20 minutes to half an hour if you were just to read words like this, like a computer, and you could just read the words and you read pretty fast. You could probably read it in 20 minutes, maybe even faster. I don't know. But the idea is it's not meant for that, it's meant to like make you go, hmm, I'm gonna think about this, you know. And then what I like about this book from the feedback I got and and when I worked on it, I I really wanted to keep it as simple as possible. Now, I am writing other books, I don't want to make this all about me, but I'm so old today, so freaking um, did I last say that? I just did. The idea is the other books are, you know, you're gonna be getting a little bit more material. And again, even myself, I I've read hundreds of books. I think my my library is like 300 books. I finished most of them. Sometimes it's like a movie, you're hoping it gets better, and then you realize halfway through, you know what, I I can't even finish watching. So once in a while, I don't finish a book, but you know, usually I buy books that I'm interested in because I either follow the author or it's a high recommendation, and I most of the time um I like what I read. However, I don't know if it's my attention span, like you know, after a couple hundred pages, you know, you start to lose me a little bit, you really do. Um, so I don't want to do that to people either. So uh a book that's coming out, but you could read chapters that are gonna be in the book pretty much um compounded. I did a whole series on my website on grief etiquettes because due to popular demand, um you know, people kept asking me about grief etiquette. Now, who do I think I am? Well, I'm Patty from New York, and I just go through, you know, I go through these things from either research, my certification, or testimony, which is my favorite. When real people are telling me this is what they didn't like, this is what they felt comforted. Those are the things that I use to write these articles. I didn't decide, oh well, Patty says so. And it's not one size fits all, it's not one size fits all. You go to a shoe store, somebody might be looking for a boot, somebody might be looking for a sneaker. You know, there is no right or wrong. It's it's either works for you or it doesn't, you know, like for instance, I'm not even sure if like my close friends even know this, but I I feel like they might and they should, but they might not. And I I mentioned it, but you know, it's like just one of those things like what why would you just randomly say it unless it's around that time? But the what I'm going to get to is this leave me the freak alone. Okay. I go MIA, and I could understand the concern, and you should check on your strong friends or even not your strong friends. I like complete like respite. Like if I'm going through something, I don't want noise. As you know, I'm chatty patty, I have a lot of noise, I'm very blessed, I'm very social, you know, not everybody's in the same position. That's why that I am like so happy, just like just I want to just go to an island for a for a couple of days, you know, my imaginary island, you know, where I have shelter and food, but like just everybody just leaves me alone. Okay, I'm going through something. We're not so when Patty grieves, I'm like a little annoyed that the clock keeps ticking, that people still go to work, that people, you know, um, for a couple of moments or days, you know, and it comes and goes, and I think that's natural. It's just how I feel about it. So just just leave me alone. But then other people need the the and I and it's understandable. So I write about this, you know. Keep busy, keep busy, keep busy. You need the people, you know. Every a lot of people understand, like, oh, when it gets quiet, that's when the grief really comes in. Because you, you know, you're again, you know, like it's like a radio station. I know I'm all over the place, but listen, this is my style. If you don't like it, change the channel, and that's the whole point. Change the channel again. Mental gym. A lot easy for me to say, right? A lot easier for me to say everything in theory, everything I've ever gone to school for, in theory, you know, I'm a retired beautician for 35 years, owned brick and mortar for 33 and a half years. Yeah, the half matters to me. Yep, yep, it does. Um, in theory, when I was learning about oh, how to color hair, how to cut hair, how to this, that, and the other, sounds so easy. And then when you have to do the practical side of it, total different story, right? You could read a recipe, but go make the actual dish different story. So it's easy for me to come here and sound like I know it all, and I'm 100% okay. I I don't know. I I've yet to be the person who's like 100% okay. I'm 100% okay, like momentarily, right? But not all day, every day. That's just silly. And I just say these things not only vulnerably, to let you know it's normal. You don't wanna you don't wanna be too much of anything all the time, you know? Like you don't want to be who so happy all day long. Am I yelling? Yes, I am, you know, like yeah, I'm excited, I'm happy bubbly person, but it would be so annoying if I was like this all day long. Like, shut up, you know, but you also don't wanna be like this all day long.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

This is just stagnant.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

It's like so slow, it's not growth, and eventually it's degeneration, and that's it. You either have again, we live in a dual world degeneration or regeneration. Okay, let me get back to this because I went on a tangent for some reason, but that's how sometimes I operate. Sometimes, huh? That's funny. I operate like that a lot, but that's what makes me mean, and I think like finally, like at this age, finally come to the conclusion that it's so much. Easier to be me when when I'm attempting to like be something for somebody else because you know that's who they are, or you know, I make them uncomfortable because they're not the way I am. It gets weird and uncomfortable, and I just don't like it. You know, it's okay to be uncomfortable because you're exploring new ways to be, because you you know, you feel like you want to do something, and you know, it's the first time, so that might be uncomfortable. I'm not talking about that uncomfortable, I'm talking about like the uncomfort of doing something you don't want to do because it's not you. Okay, that's what I'm talking about. But anyway, legacy something is responding. This is the article. Uh, let's pull up this. The here's the what the article image looks like. If you're on video, you could see it. If you're listening to the podcast, well, you'll miss it. But it's really nice, and there's uh a quote there that I I love these quotes that I put up. Uh, grief may pause your life, but legacy gives your love a place to keep living. Celebrate. That's why, you know, I mentioned the mugs before. If you go on my website and you go to the to the shop, you can order custom, custom uh mugs, which you know, again, my friends have enjoyed, you know, like I mentioned, who was just on here. They it's it's like something warm you're holding in your hands, for your tea, it could be cold too, but like you're having a moment, it's just it's a different experience, it's it's just a different experience. Uh, you gotta try it out. That's all I could tell you. Okay, you just gotta try it out. But here's the newsletter. There's a quiet truth moving beneath the surface of our lives, subtle, steady, and often overlooked. And not everything is random. Some things are reflections, some things are results, and some things are responses. And if we are willing to sit with that for just a moment, not just not just rush past it, not explain it away, but really sit with it, we begin to notice a pattern. I was saying that earlier before. Life speaks back, not always in words, not in ways we immediately understand, but in outcomes, in relationships, in the doors that open and in the ones that don't. There are laws at work, unseen frameworks shaping how we experience life, not as punishment, not as a reward, but as alignment. What we carry, we project, what we plant, we grow, and what we avoid often finds its way back to us louder. I'm gonna say that one again because that one's like that one. Somebody needs to hear. What we avoid often finds its way back to us louder, because grief has a way of sharpening awareness, it strips away the noise and leaves us face to face with truth. What matters? What doesn't matter? Who we were and who we are becoming, because here's where the shift begins. These articles are not written to keep anyone sitting in sorrow, they are written to gently move the heart from the feeling stuck, powerlessness, fearful, or depression, because those emotions can become a brother and sister of grief. The objective is simple but powerful. Empowerment. Yep, you hold the power. As a grief consultant, my area of focus is legacy, living a life to be remembered. Legacy does not erase grief, but it gives grief somewhere meaningful to go. It gives love a direction, it gives the pain a purpose, it gives the mourner permission to keep living. And yes, you are allowed. You are there you know, let's pause right there for a second. There is this sickening guilt that comes with grief oftentimes, just sneaks on in like I just had a good moment. How dare I? I just laughed. How dare I? You know, I just you know did this or that. How dare I? Yeah, dare. Because I promise you, I can't imagine your loved one wanting to see you stuck in sorrow. Yeah, they know you love them, you know. You they yeah, they know you love them, you know, and the tear is okay, you know, it's just the release of resistance, and tears are the salt of the earth, you know, the water that that that nourishes. So it's okay to cry, but don't get stuck in the thoughts of of the void. Don't get stuck in the thoughts of you know, the gap, you know, it's uh bittersweetness is a is a is a is a is a beautiful thing because you know it's life, it's the mystery, it's the phenomenon. I'm gonna continue. You are allowed to breathe again, you are allowed to dream again, you are allowed to build again, you are allowed to live a life that honors what was lost while still becoming who you are called to be. And here's the shift: legacy is not something we leave behind someday, it's something we are actively building right now in the way we respond, in the way we choose, in the way we show up when life doesn't go according to plans. Your legacy isn't waiting at the end of your story, it's being written in real time. So the question isn't what will I leave behind? The question is, what is responding to me and how am I responding? Because the exchange right there, that's your legacy in motion. And the quote here today, again, I'm gonna read grief may pause your life, but legacy gives your love a place to keep living. And you know, if we scroll down on this article, actually, this was a page. I uh somehow made it a page instead of a post, but that's okay. You could put it in the search. If you put in the search, the title, you know, something is responding, or go to the menu, it's at the bottom. At the bottom, uh, there's the page. Uh, but I want to share this book that I was mentioning: a guide book. It meets you where you are, it's a new spin on mourning. Uh, read it slowly, just you know, just change your lens, uh, change the way you know um we're looking at things, look at the bigger picture. Life is a mystery, it is a new relationship. Not only, not only well, I like to call it a new relationship, but you know, again, cultures, beliefs, that's uh another rabbit hole. I'm not going to go fully down. I do encourage people to because the energy that opens our eyes in the morning, the energy that pumps our blood, science tells us that cannot ever be destroyed. That life being that's in our bodies, in our temples right now, that can never be destroyed. And I choose to think, wow, you know, now they're free. Now they're, you know, heaven, and heaven is on earth. For me, again, for me, this is my personal, you know, thoughts, and they make me feel good. So try it out. They might just make you feel good, but I like to think that now I have a new relationship with this energy, the source. Uh, maybe it's just one big blob with all my ancestors, and that's fine by me. But this loving source that's you know, not walking in a physical body anymore, which I called my mom, my grandma, and such. You know, I have a new relationship, and you know, it's really beautiful, but I'm not gonna talk too much more about that. You know, you're gonna have to tune in another day or come to my grievance chat rooms, they're really, really beautiful. And, you know, check us out, follow us. Uh, yeah, really appreciate everybody, you know, coming in and supporting all the love means a lot. It really, really does. Let me just remove this again. My name is Patty from New York, and I want to say this: thanks for listening. And don't forget to hit the subscribe button, leave a five-star rating if you liked it, if you liked it, and write a review. And if you can find us on the Apple Podcasts, on Spotify, and Amazon and YouTube, or wherever you get your podcast. I'm on over 14 platforms, so check it out. And with that being said, until next time, have an amazing day and God bless.