Solitude, Boundaries, And The Quiet Signs Of A Life Reset

Your social battery isn’t “broken” just because it changed. We’re noticing a quieter signal that life is resetting: the sudden refusal to keep spending energy on the same people, places, conversations, and demands that used to feel normal. I share what that has looked like for me through solitude, anxiety, and the real comfort of low-stimulus living, where connection stays real without being constant.

From there, we get honest about why this shift happens. When life stacks up divorce, financial ruin, professional pressure, custody battles, and years of responsibility, your capacity gets tighter and your standards get clearer. Crowded rooms can spike anxiety. Small talk can feel expensive. Other people’s drama can land like weight you don’t want to carry. The question stops being “why am I like this” and becomes “where do I actually want my energy to go?”

That lens leads into one of my biggest transitions: 21 years of military service across the Air Force and Space Force, and the growing sense that it may be time to hang up the uniform and re-vector my service into coaching, frameworks, and more meaningful work. We talk about choosing meaning over status, building a life aligned with who you’re becoming, and using silence to hear what constant motion hides.

If you’ve felt yourself outgrowing a chapter, press play, reflect on the prompts at the end, and share this with someone in a season of change. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell me: where does your energy belong now?

Transcript

Welcome And The Next Baseline

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Next Baseline. I'm your podcast host, Danny DeHesus, and this podcast is about life resets and what it takes to reach your next baseline.

The Subtle Signs Of Change

SPEAKER_00 0:14

And for this episode, sometimes the first sign that your life is changing is does not start because of some major event that has happened, or what I tend to call that collapsible moment in your life. And sometimes the first sign is that is really that you no longer want to give your energy to the same people, places, conversations, or demands that used to feel normal and everyday to you. And so for me, I have noticed this through solitude, through spending time with myself and being introspective. And there are moments, or I should say there were moments, there were moments throughout my adult life where I have not wanted or had the desire to always socialize. And sometimes, or a lot of times, even because I just have a lot of anxiety sometimes, I don't want to be in a crowded room where I feel like I can't get away. And for me, sometimes the best moments that I've had in my, you know, in my adult life, especially in my 30s, was really being at home, quiet, and alone.

Anxiety, Crowds, And Low Stimuli

SPEAKER_00 1:35

And I'm not saying alone as in just by myself. What I mean is low low stimuli. So I'm okay with my immediate circle. And when I mean by my immediate circle, my loved ones, I'm okay with being around around them. But in terms of the outside world, you know, I I I have felt at least for myself that that is not a place I always want want to be. And and here's the thing, I know I cannot be the only one that feels this way. And for a while, I actually wondered if that meant something that was at least how I felt about everyday life. I sometimes wondered if that meant something was actually wrong with me. But over time, I think I started to see things differently. And, you know, for me, maybe it's not really about be becoming or being disconnected from life per se. And in fact, I think what I've found or what I've concluded is that my energy was trying to tell me a very, very different story about how I want to invest my time and my energy and the things that are that are going to make me feel good, uh, essentially. And so where before in my 20s, I felt a certain way, and then in my early 30s, and now my late 30s, about to be my early 40s come next

When Life’s Toll Rewrites Priorities

SPEAKER_00 3:13

year. I would tell you, my life has evolved and transitioned for a wide range of reasons. Because for me, um, you know, life to some degree has taken its toll to some degree. And I know I can't be the only one that feels like life sometimes takes a toll on you. And for me, I've experienced divorce, financial ruin, professional pressures. I've experienced multiple bouts of child custody situations, um, failed relationships, and then also years of responsibility also for me has changed much of the access that I actually want to give uh to give the world to. And so even now, a room full of people can sometimes make me feel anxious. Small talk can actually make me feel pretty drained, and then other people's, at least what I feel like is other people's nonsense, can feel like it's too much for me to carry or want to necessarily deal

Drama, Small Talk, And Energy Drain

SPEAKER_00 4:17

with. And so when and be before I go any further, so what do I mean by by nonsense? Uh, you know, I'm not a big fan of other people's drama or other people's self-induced challenges. I'm not a fan of that. And sometimes that could be very, very draining to deal with from an emotional perspective. And so, and and then I walk away drained and feeling anxious, and I and I don't necessarily want to deal with that. And so, so with that, you know, looking at all of this, the the question for me is no longer about why am I like this, but rather the question now is where do I actually want my energy to go? Where do I want to point my energy towards? And this is the question that this episode is really designed to explore. Because this is not just about wanting to be alone. This is about realizing that some chapters of life require so much from you that at some point I feel like we all have to ask ourselves whether that chapter still fits the person we are actually becoming, or do we need something else? Do we need something different?

Military Service And A Growing Transition

SPEAKER_00 5:27

And for me, that question has started showing up really around my military service. And so uh, you know, I joined the military back in 2005. I joined the Air Force, I've been in the military since I since I was 18 and I'm at and I'm 39 years old now. And so what that means is I've given 21 years of my life, of my adult life, late teen years to adult life, into service across the Air Force and now Space Force. I've served in the Air Force for about 15 years before crossing over to the to the Space Force. And yes, I'm proud of that service. I don't I have no regrets about that per se. But I also have to be honest where I'm at, where I feel I am these days. And that's that militar military service demands a lot, demands a lot of your time, focus, your energy, sometimes your your your physical body, uh a lot of sacrifices across the family, flexibility. And then even you have to keep showing up despite despite the pressures. And so for a long time, you know, I was able to meet those needs. I was able to meet those demands, but as as I think about it, I think I'm in a place of transition where I feel like I no longer desire those same demands the same way that I once did. I don't hunger for that pace anymore because the truth is I'm getting tired, not necessarily broken or bittered. I'm just being very honest in terms of how I feel right now. And after some deep soul searching over the over the last six months or so, you know, I I think I think I've come to the place where, you know, I'm considering it maybe it's time to hang up the uniform and then point my direction, my energy in in other places that I think it's time, it's time. And that's not me walking away, per se. It's not me quitting, but what it is, it's recognizing that my service may be ready to be vectored towards something

Coaching, Frameworks, And Choosing Meaning

SPEAKER_00 7:29

else. And you know, for for me, it could be continuing to build Elohis coaching and and investing more time in coaching other people, helping other people navigate their own transitions. It could be also creating more frameworks that help people think clearly when their life, own life changes, not just build, you know, right now I built C2R2E, which stands for collapse, confrontation, realignment, reclamation, and elevation. So I have plenty of content that explains what that what that is. But maybe it's just really focusing on helping others to elevate, helping others work toward something more meaningful for them for for them and for me, you know. And I think this is a lot of what my North Star is for this next chapter. And for me, it's it's about meaning, it's not about chasing status or position. I don't want any more pressure in my life, and I don't need to prove that I can carry more than what I've carried. You know, I think it's time that I find something more meaningful for me that I find more personally uh fulfilling. And I'm not saying that that that this new direction for me is going to be something that's going to be easy, and it does not mean that every decision will be simple. It also does not mean that this next chapter will come without uncertainty. Every chapter and every transition in life is going to come out with some sort of level of uncertainty. But what it does mean is that I want to deliberately choose where I go, how I serve, and who I serve. And I think that's the shift. Because at some point, you know, life, in my own opinion, cannot only be measured by what you have endured, what you produced, or what you sacrifice. It also has to be measured by whether the life you are building still has meaning

Solitude As A Tool For Clarity

SPEAKER_00 9:24

to you. And maybe this is where solitude and introspection really becomes useful because silence, I think, gives you room to hear what constant motion and stimulation tend to hide from you. You know, solitude, I think, helps you notice what drains you. It helps to notice what can restore you, and it helps you notice where you are still giving energy out of duty, habit, guilt, fear, or an old previous identity that's no longer working for you, for the person that you are today. And so for me, I found my solace in meaningful small group relationships that demand very little of me, people that I trust, people who don't always require some sort of level of performance from me. People who understand that connection does not have to be constant to for it to be real. And that is the kind of connection I value now. And I think that is that is the lesson that that this episode of this podcast episode is is employing today. That the goal is not to disappear from life. Rather, the goal is to build a life where your energy is placed with deliberate intention.

Reflection Questions For Your Next Chapter

SPEAKER_00 10:32

So before I conclude this episode, I want to leave you with a moment of reflection as I always try to end every episode with something to reflect on. And so this is what I would ask that you ask yourself. You know, here are a couple questions. Take out a piece of paper, write some notes down for yourself, pause it if you need to. Um, but here's what I have for you. Where in your life are you still giving energy to a chapter that may already be complete? So take a second and write some notes down. Where in your life are you still giving energy to a chapter that may already be complete? Question two Where are you staying connected out of habit instead of meaning?

SPEAKER_01 11:26

I'll say it again. Where are you staying connected out of habit instead of meaning?

SPEAKER_00 11:36

Question three. Where are you exhausted? Not because you are weak, but because your energy is being spent in places that no longer fit one more time. Where are you exhausted? Not because you are weak, but because your energy is being spent in places that no longer fit the person that you are today or who you are becoming. And I know I added on a little bit to that last question. Final question. If you were being honest with yourself, what would your next chapter need to look like in order to feel more aligned with the person you are becoming? So, with that, don't rush to answer any of these. Pause if you need to, sit with it for a little bit. Because sometimes your next baseline begins when you stop asking, how much longer can I keep doing this? But rather you start asking, where does my energy need to go now? Where does my energy belong now?

Closing Wishes And Final Thought

SPEAKER_00 12:52

So with that, I'm gonna wish you peace, love, joy, and everlasting happiness. I know these are probably some ideals to strive for, but I do honestly mean that. That I wish you all the best in your own journey, in your own journey of life transition. So, with that, until next time, I look forward to connecting with you on another episode of The Next Baseline.