Ep 3: When Things Stack Up: Taking Control of Your Mind

Out here, life doesn’t slow down—and the pressure can stack up fast. Most people think stress means something is wrong with them—but often, they’re just overloaded. In this episode, we break down how your self-talk in high-pressure moments shapes what happens next. Learn how small shifts in how you talk to yourself can steady your mind, reduce overwhelm, and help you move forward—one step at a time.

Transcript

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Welcome to the Rhino Resilience Podcast. I'm Chris Rhino Swensen. This is where we build calm, strength grounded resilience, and the mindset to carry what life throws at us, especially in rural life. Let's get into it. Okay, so welcome back to this episode. Uh, on the last episode, we, we talked about stress, right? And how a lot of people end up feeling like something's wrong with them, like they're losing it, like they should be handling things better than they are. The truth is that most of the time they're not broken, they're overloaded. And if you live out here, you already know what, what that feels like. I mean, there, there's a lot of long days. You know, we all have a lot of responsibility. There's people depending on you, and really there's not a whole lot of room to fall apart. And so today I want to talk about something that's happening underneath all of that. What you're saying to yourself in those moments when things start to stack up. So I want you to think about a moment recently that you may have had, right? Maybe it was at the end of a long day or. Maybe you've been, uh, going, going since before the sun came up, you know, and there's still things left to do, right. You know, those days where maybe you had a day where the phone's ringing. I mean, the kids need something, something didn't go as planned and your mind starts going and you start noticing these thoughts of, I can't do this, or I'm falling behind. What's wrong with me? Or I should have been able to handle this better? That voice gets loud and out here. A lot of people don't say that out loud, but they're definitely saying it to themselves, and what most people don't realize is, is that how much that moment matters, because here's the part that. Most people don't understand. Your brain doesn't argue with you. It follows your lead. Okay, let me say that again. Your brain doesn't argue with you. It follows your lead. It listens to what you're saying and it, it, it adjusts your body, your focus, your reaction based on that. Okay? You know, your brain is always. Your brain isn't built to, uh, to make sure that you're happy or that you're fulfilled or successful. Your brain is concerned with, are you comfortable and are you safe? Okay, so the brain is always trying to answer one question, am I in danger or can I handle this? And it's your self-talk that answers that question. So when your mind starts to say, I can't do this, or I'm losing it, your brain hears that as a threat and your body starts to ramp up, right? You're gonna experience some more tension, there's gonna be more pressure, more overwhelm, and now you're trying to get through the same situation, but it feels twice as heavy as now our response to this situation, we've added to it. Okay. Somebody tell you a story to kind of illustrate what I mean as an individual. I know, and he was a hardworking rancher, right? I mean, the kind of, the kind of guy people would say, like, he's solid. He can handle it. You know what I mean? No doubt. Um, but life had been stacking up on him. You know? He is had, I think he, he had such a lot of long days, as we all do. You know, there was definitely some financial pressure through some of those rough seasons. Um, he was also helping his dad who was having some health issues, and at the same time, he is trying to still be there for his kids. Right. And I, and, and basically like a lot of folks out here, I mean, that's kind of what we go through. And he didn't slow down. He just kept pushing. But what started to change wasn't just his workload. It was, it was what was. Going on in his head, his thoughts. Right. And that's an important piece. Like the situation doesn't change, but what's going on did. And he told me at night, you know, when things finally get quiet, that his mind didn't, I mean, he got louder. I mean, many of us can probably relate to that. And we're trying to get in bed and trying to sleep and the next thing you know, our mind just won't shut off. And it keeps getting louder. Right. And you know. He was having thoughts, you know, like, like he was falling behind. He would tell himself, I should have been able to handle this better. You know, like, what's going on with you? What's wrong with me? And he started to figure like he just can't keep up like he used to. And the more those thoughts showed up, the more his body began to respond. Right? You know, his heart's racing. He gets the tight chest restless sleep, right? We see this a lot, and now here's the part that most people also don't realize is it wasn't just the stress that was causing that reaction. It was how his brain was interpreting it. Because when your mind starts saying, I'm failing or Something's wrong, I can't handle this, your brain hears that as a threat. And when the brain senses that threat, it shifts a whole system into protection mode, right? Your heart's gonna start going, you get more tense, more alert, like it feels like it's in danger. So now he, he was not just dealing with like a heavy load right? Now he's dealing with a body that's acting like he's in danger. And what that does is it starts to create kind of a loop. Like, like the more stress leads to more negative thoughts. And then of course, the more negative thoughts you have, the stronger that stress reaction's gonna be. And then of course, the stronger the stress reaction gets to be. Now we get more fear. And this just continues to loop day after day after day. And that's exactly what, where he went. And he told me about a moment when he was out working one day. That his chest really tightened up and his heart started pounding. And at that moment he thought, something's really wrong with me. Right? I mean, at that point it wasn't that I'm overloaded, but I'm losing it. Something's not right. And that right there poured gasoline on the fire because now. His brain didn't just think he was stressed, it was that he was in real danger and everything escalated from there. Right. And when he finally came in, I think the first thing he said was, is that something's wrong with me? Or something like that. And I remember telling him that, you know, there's nothing wrong with you. You know, he ended up going in and getting checked out. He wasn't having an heart attack. It was just overloaded. Stress got to him. That loop we talked about. And so. I told him is that there's nothing wrong with you. Your brain is just trying to protect you, but it's the responding to the story you're telling yourself. Right? It's responding to that story. In other words, the load was real, but the meaning he was giving it, that he was failing, that he was breaking, that's what was driving his system even harder. Right. And once you started to see that. Once he could kind of like begin to shift from like, I'm losing it to I'm overloaded. You know, something were different. His brain started to respond differently, right? And it wasn't like overnight, like it's some quick fix, but it was just enough to kind of take the edge off and enough to stop that spiral, right? Because when the brain no longer sees a threat, it stops sounding the alarm so loudly within us, right? And that right there is something we've got to understand because the way we think about what we're going through can either turn up the volume on stress or start to bring it down, right? So let me say that again. The way we think about what we're going through can either turn the volume up or start to bring it down. In fact, there's been a number of studies published where, you know, people talk about that. Of all the medical problems that we have, about 90% of them are rooted in or based in the way we think. The way we think has a tremendous impact on how our body's gonna respond. So let me kind of illustrate a little bit of the difference here, right? Because the whole point is. It's always the same. Like the situation doesn't change. It's the same situation is the same moment. But when you tell yourself, I can't do this, now your brain hears that threat. Your body starts to ramp up. Everything escalates, right? But instead of when you're in a situation where you're hearing, I can't do this, what if we rephrase that and we say, I'm learning how to do this. I'm learning how to do this. Now your brain hears that this is manageable. Your body begins to study a bit, your focus returns, and the key thing is, is your brain starts to shift from launching a threat mode into growth mode, right? So you either give your brain a direction or the situation gives it for you. Trust me, the situation's version isn't the most optimal for you, right? You either give your brain a direction or the situation gives it for you. So basically nothing changed out there, right? I mean, the work was still real, the pressure's still real, but something changed in here and how he responded. This situation, you know what's typical is a lot of people feel like once that spiral starts, right, that they've lost control. And at that moment it feels like they're getting run over by their own mind. But that's not entirely true. But in that moment, you do have a say in the direction this goes. You may not control the situation or what hits you, right, but you're not powerless in how it unfolds. So I wanna be clear about something, and this is important to note as well, but shifting your mindset in that moment, okay, isn't about ignoring how you feel or pretending everything's fine. It's not because sometimes. That's just what helps you get through the moment, right? But then afterward you still gotta come back and deal with it. Okay? And we'll talk more about that in another episode of recovery and how we deal with that at the end of the day. But switching the way we respond in the moment helps us to get through and then we can go back and do it a little bit later. I know I have a tendency at times when I might get all worked up. Be bothered by something. And so typically what I'll do is I'll just go ahead and set a timer on my phone for one minute, maybe two, depending on how worked up I am, and I want to give myself permission in that moment to say, all right, throw your fit, have your moment, you know, react to whatever's going on. You've got that one minute, but when that alarm goes off. Now you need to take command of that mind. Now you need to start, ask those questions, how am I gonna respond? What are my options? Right? And then work the problem and continue to work the problem one step at a time. So I guess I wanna share something that kind of gives a little contrasting story, um, about maybe how this, this works and maybe you can relate to this. Um. I remember this, this, this lady that I had met and she was telling me a story, and she was a teacher. She was a teacher from a small rural school, right? Which means she wasn't just teaching, I mean, she was pouring herself out to all those kids every day, which they all do, and most likely wearing multiple hats. Um, but this particular day she told me it was a lot. Okay. She was telling me how the kids were acting out. I mean, I think one student she was worried about didn't even show up. If there were those extra demands added to her plate, and by the time she left, she was drained. She was drained, and just like most of us, like her mind started telling a story about what's going on, right? You know, those typical things. I can't, I can't keep doing this, you know, this is too much. I'm failing. I don't have anything left. Now, here's what's important. As we talk those thoughts. They signal something to the brain and if it's left unchecked, they push the brain towards threat, just like the last story, right? But, but this time there was something different. She got back home and she pulled into her driveway and she told me, instead of just rushing inside, she paused and she noticed it. She started to notice her heart rate or how tension it was. She noticed her thoughts racing. She caught herself in that moment and instead of letting her mind keep saying, this is too much, I can't do this. Right, she gently just shifted it and when she shifted it, it wasn't something fake or unrealistic. Right. But to something grounded and true. Okay. So she said to herself something like, yeah, today was a lot, but I handled it and I can handle tonight too. And that one shift. One shift, just, it switched her brain into a different response because now instead of hearing I'm failing and I can't do this, her brain hurt. I got this, I can handle it. And when the brain starts to hear that, it doesn't go into threaten mode the same way, right? Your heart rate can start to settle. Breathing slows, tension, eases just not enough. But like I said, the, the pressure, the stress is not gone. Because of your response. Now it becomes more manageable. And I think she told me before she went into the house too, she took a, she also took some slow breaths, kind of sat there for a minute and just kinda let her, her system come down a notch. And then she went inside right into those responsibilities of coming right back home and doing everything. But she told me that she showed up different, that time. She was more patient, more present. She was less reactive. Later she told me that that small moment that she took changed the whole rest of her night, and it wasn't because her day wasn't hard, right? But it was because she didn't let her thoughts convince her that she was in danger. She reminded her brain, I can handle this, and her system followed, and that's what I want you to see here. The situation matters. No doubt. The story your mind tells about it is what tells your brain how to respond. And that's something that we can begin to work with. And that right there is what I wanna to start, help you learn how to do. I mean, it's, it's not to, not till I have to control everything around you, okay? But to learn how to study yourself within it, okay? So here's something simple you can take with you this week. All right? So when you're in a situation and you're realizing that things are starting to stack up, okay, I invite you just to pause for a second and ask yourself and notice what am I saying to myself right now? And if it's making things heavier, see if you can shift it just a little. It doesn't have to be fake, not forced, just enough to study yourself. So maybe you shift it to something like, this is a lot, but I can take one step or I don't have to solve everything right now, or I've, I'll, I'll handle what's right in front of me. Or I've handled hard days before. Something that kind of shifts a little bit, right? So give that a try. Pay attention to what you're saying to yourself this week, especially in those moments when things start to stack up. Just begin to notice and kind of get aware of that and begin to kind of shift. Because whether you realize it or not, that's the voice your brain is following, and small shifts there, man, that can change the direction more than people think. Hey, if this episode today hit home for you, I mean there's a good chance there's someone else in in your life who could use it too. So go ahead and share it with them. Definitely do that. It'd be a good thing. And if you want more content, kind of like we did today, just make sure you kind of follow or subscribe to the podcast. There'll be more coming. You can head over to the website, rhino resilience.com and get signed up for that newsletter as well. And when you get signed up, there's gonna be some emails that'll automatically come out to you every other day, just a few of them. So kind of introducing you to some other helpful tools, right? But that's where I'll continue kind of putting out tools and ideas to help you to kind of stay steady through all of this. So I just want you to stay steady. Okay, we're in this together. We got this.