Ep #4 When to Ask for Help: Signs You Need Backup (Rural Mental Health & Stress)

In this episode of Rhino Resilience, we tackle a question many strong people struggle to answer:

When is it time to ask for help?

In rural communities, there’s a deep-rooted belief that you should handle things on your own—push through, stay tough, and not burden others. That mindset can look like strength… but over time, it can quietly turn into isolation.

Chris “Rhino” Swenson breaks down how to recognize when you’ve been carrying too much for too long and why bringing in backup is not weakness—it’s wisdom.

You’ll learn:

•  The 3 B’s of Backup (simple signs you may need help) 
•  How strong beliefs can start working against you 
•  Why rural culture makes it harder to reach out—and how to shift that 
•  The real barriers to seeking help in small towns (and how to navigate them) 
•  Why even elite teams and faith traditions emphasize not going alone

Chris also shares a personal story about his own experience with PTSD—modeling what it looks like to break stigma and seek support without losing strength or identity.

Whether it’s opening up to a trusted friend, leaning on your community, or seeking professional help, this episode will help you take the first step toward not carrying it alone.

Because the truth is…

You were never meant to do this by yourself.

🔹 CALL TO ACTION

If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need to hear it.

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 👉 RhinoResilience.com

Transcript

0:20

Welcome back to the Rhino Resilience Podcast. So over the last few episodes, we've talked about ways to, to steady yourself in the middle of stress, right? Like how to slow things down, how to think a little clever, how to carry that weight a little differently. And those tools matter because there are gonna be moments in life where it's just you and you've got to get through it. But here's something I want to be really careful about because I don't want this podcast to accidentally send the message that you're supposed to handle everything on your own. Because if we're being honest, in a lot of rural communities, there's a quiet understanding. You handle your business, you don't complain. You don't put your struggles on other people. Some people call that stigma. I think of it more as a quiet pressure to keep everything to yourself. And because of that, that's already a belief a lot of people carry. And for a while that belief can look like strength. I mean, it could look like grit, like toughness. I've got this, but over time that same belief can quietly turn into isolation. And isolation is where things start to get heavy. Not because there's something wrong with you, but because the weight was never meant for one person to carry it alone. And we're seeing the cost of that. I mean, more and more man, um, in, in rural communities. The suicide rate is significantly higher than in urban environments. Our kids are reporting higher levels of anxiety and depression than many people realize, and at higher rates than urban young people. Now I have a really great blog over@rhresilience.com, where I discuss that specific topic in more detail and even offer suggestions for parents to help their kids. So check that out over@rhinoresilience.com. And there's also, there's like a lot of just regular rural people, man, who are quietly carrying stress and pressure and expectations and without ever saying a word about it. And it's not because they don't care, but because somewhere along the way we've all learned we're supposed to handle it ourselves. And I want you to hear this. Clearly this isn't happening because rural people are weak. It's happening because strong people have been carrying too much for too long by themselves, as I've said often. And if we're gonna start, you know, changing, like how we carry this, we're gonna keep seeing the same outcomes, you know. Out here, like no one ever questions, calling, backup in. You know, when a job gets too big, right? I mean, if something breaks, you call someone, you know, if there's a, a job that need more hands, you bring them in. You know, that's just common sense. But when it comes to life, we suddenly think we're supposed to do it alone, and let's clear something up because when people hear the word help. They immediately think therapy, and sometimes that's part of it, but not always. You see, backup doesn't always mean a couch in an office, right? Sometimes it just means not being the only one carrying it anymore. I mean, that could be a friend, a spouse, a neighbor, a mentor, a pastor. It just means you're not alone in the fight. If you really think about it, I mean, this isn't something new for us. It's actually something rural communities have always done well. You see when something goes wrong, when there's a fire, you know, an accident, a storm, or there's a family in need. People show up, neighbors come running, meals get made, work gets covered. No one stands back and says. If they should handle that on their own. No. We step in, we carry it together, and that's one of the most powerful things about rural life. But somewhere along this way, when it comes to what's going on inside, we don't do the same thing. I mean, we show up for each other in a crisis, but we struggle to show up for each other when someone is quietly carrying too much. We struggle even more to let someone show up for us. And maybe part of what needs to change is, is not who we are as rural people, but where we apply that strength because the same way, we don't let our neighbors carry hard things alone. We weren't meant to carry this alone either. 'cause here's what happens, right? Maybe you can relate, but your mind won't slow down, right? You start replaying things. Small problems feel bigger than they should, and you get a little more on edge. You're shorter with people. Or maybe you're more quietly than usual. You're tired, but you body won't settle. And this is where people start always asking What's wrong with me? As they said many times, I'm gonna say it clearly again, these aren't signs that something is wrong with you. They're just signs that you've been carrying too much for too long. So how do you know when it's time? Right? How do you know when it's time for backup? There's a quick little acronym that I have. It's just the three Bs of backup, B as in beta or bravo, whichever one you want to use. The three Bs of backup, and they stand for burden, behavior, and brain. And what it says is for the B, the burden feels heavier than it used to. Your behavior starts changing and your brain won't shut off. When you begin to be aware of those things, right, the burden begins to feel heavier than it used to. Your behavior starts changing and your brain won't shut off. That might be a good time to reach out for backup. You know, as I'm talking about this, I've lived this too, and I think it's important to say actually. Because for a long time I was the one that sits across from people and still am the one that sits across from people helping them carry things. But over time, you know, there's a wear and tear that comes with that. You know, seeing people struggle and walking them through heavy moments and even witnessing things that no one should ever really see and let alone you never forget. I remember getting to a point where one time something kind of felt off right, and, uh, my mind wasn't slowing down. You know, things were starting to stick with me longer than they used to. My nervous system was definitely elevated and having awful nightmares. You know, I, I was carrying more than I realized. And, and if I'm being honest, I think it's important to say this out loud, is there was a point where I realized I was dealing with PTSD post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and still do, but not at the level that I was. And I wanna be careful like how I say that, because that doesn't mean that I'm broken. You know, it doesn't mean that something is wrong with me. It just means that my mind and body had been through enough and that they were still trying to process and make sense of it. It's all it is, but it's interesting because during that time, my first thought wasn't like, I need backup right now. I felt this. I felt that it was, I've got this. I should be able to handle this. Right? And it was that belief. It's the same one I'm talking about in this episode, the one that looks like strength, right? But it isn't true strength. But then eventually something hit me. And you know, I've spent time learning from people in special operations guys who operate the highest level, you know? And one of the things that they drilled into me was, you don't go alone. I had this moment where I thought during that time, you know, where I thought like, why am I not doing that right now? Right. So I made a decision. I wasn't gonna carry it by myself anymore. I reached out and even then, that wasn't easy. You know, and I share this because I, I too am not immune to that stigma battle in the mind that we all face out here. I remember a time sitting with my doctor having a real conversation about what was going on, right? And we were wrestling with the idea of medication, um, because that same pressure was there, right? I still felt it right there, even though I do what I do, it's, you should be able to handle this on your own. You keep hearing this in your head, you know? I remember a moment where she stopped and looked at me and she said, Chris, I know what you do. I know what you do for a living, and if there was someone who came into your office and told me exactly what you just told me in your professional opinion, I'm not kidding. That's what she said. In your professional opinion, what would you suggest? I was like, um, take the medication. Yeah. But after this, what I realized was, is I wasn't weak for needing backup. I was human. And the moment I stopped trying to do it alone, man, that's when things started to shift in a good way. And that's why I'm sharing this with you because of someone like me. Who has spent years helping others who's had numerous supervisors and others say that I'm the most mentally tough person they have ever met can fall into the same trap of going it alone, then it's not a weakness issue. It's a human one. And it's exactly why we need backup and you know. There's a phrase that is used in a special operations community. You know, groups that are considered some of the most elite in the world, and the phrase is that two is one and one is none. Two is one and one is none. Think about that. The very people that we look at as the toughest, most capable, the most disciplined, they don't operate alone. Their strength comes from the team, from having each other, from knowing you're not the only one carrying the load. That's where their edge comes from. And I think sometimes we forget that, you know, we, we, we think that strength means like doing it all ourselves, but real strength understands two is one and one is none. What's interesting is that this idea isn't just found in like elite teams and stuff. It's something that's been understood for a long time. You know, in the Bible, in Ecclesiastes, it says two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls, one can help the other up. That simple. Man, it's powerful because it speaks directly to how we're wired, right? We do better when we're not doing life alone. And even when you look at how Jesus lived this out, he didn't send his disciples out on their own. He sent them in twos because the work was hard. There would be pressure, rejection, right? Those long days and perhaps even moments of doubt. So having, so having someone like some someone alongside you, right? Asking for backup just means having encouragement when you're wore down. It means support. When things get heavy, it means that there's someone there to help you keep going when it would've been easier. To stop. So whether you look at it, I mean like through like elite teams or faith or even just your real life experience, I mean, the message is exactly the same. We were never meant to do this alone. You know, the strongest people I've ever met, you know, aren't the ones who never needed help. They're the ones who knew when it was time to stop going alone. That's not weakness, that's awareness. That's discipline, that's wisdom. Because there's a difference between being strong and being alone. And I want to take a minute here just to talk about some things that kind of hold us back, you know? And it's kind of something that doesn't get said enough because. The beliefs that keep people from reaching out. I mean, they're not weak beliefs. They're not, they're strong ones, right? Think about it. I mean, you get beliefs like, I should be able to handle this. I don't want to burden anyone. Other people have it worse. I just need to push through. Those aren't necessarily weak beliefs. Those beliefs come from a good place, right? They come from responsibility, from pride, from caring about others. For a long time, they probably helped you. I mean, they made you reliable, strong, dependable. But here's something that we don't quite understand because the problem that you're facing, it doesn't care that those beliefs used to help you, right? In fact, it starts to use those same beliefs against you. If you keep telling yourself, I should be able to handle this, you won't reach out. If you keep thinking like, I don't wanna burden anyone, you stay quiet. If you keep saying, I just need to push through, then you keep carrying it even when it's too much. This is where your mind matters because how you interpret what you're going through shapes how your brain responds. Because if your mind keeps saying, I've got to handle this alone, then your brain stays in pressure stays in threat overload like we discussed in a previous episode. But if you shift that even slightly to something like, maybe I don't have to do this alone. Then everything begins to change. Now you create space, you create options, you move out of that survival mode and into something more steady. So this isn't about getting rid of those beliefs, it's just about recognizing when they're no longer serving you and having that awareness to say, this helped me before. Right now it might be keeping me stuck, and that's the moment where strength shifts from. I've got this alone to maybe it's time to bring back up. And when you do reach out, I always tell people like, you don't have to to tell your whole story. You know, you don't have to have all the words. You don't even have to have everything figured out at first. You just have to stop doing it alone, and you don't have to open the whole door, just crack it. And sometimes bringing in backup does include talking to a professional. And I want to take a minute here just to acknowledge something real about rural communities because it's not always as simple as just saying, go get help. Right? I mean, there's a lot of rural areas. That are, you know, they don't have a whole lot of options. You know, you might have one provider, you know, maybe none close by. And even when there are good therapists, there can still be barriers. I mean, you know, internet access isn't always reliable, you know, so even things like video counseling, which is actually really effective, aren't always easy to use. And then there's something that people don't talk about enough. Because in small towns, people see things, right? They notice who's parked where, or who's walking into what building. And for a lot of people, that alone can be enough to keep them from going. 'cause there's a fear. There's a fear out here of being judged or looked at differently. To me, if you saw someone walk into a building because they broke their leg, you wouldn't judge them. This isn't any different. And that Right, and that goes right back to what we talked about earlier. You know, that quiet pressure to keep things to yourself. But I want to challenge that just a little. What if we started looking at that differently? Like what if instead of seeing someone walk into a counseling office and thinking something is wrong with them, we saw it for what it actually is. Someone having the courage to not carry the loan anymore because the truth is that should be respected. That should be supported, and that should be celebrated. That's what real strength actually looks like. It's not pretending that you've got it all handled, but knowing when it's time to bring in the right kind of backup. And for some people that next step might be a conversation with a professional, and that's okay. And as a reminder, just quickly, like this podcast is, is not therapy. You know the, this right? Retinal resilience is completely separate from my clinical work, but I've sat across from a lot of people over the years, and I can tell you this, that the earlier people bring back in, the better things tend to go. So if something in this episode kind of hit you or resonated with you, you know, that might be your sign. Remember, you're not broken. No, you're not crazy. Just been carrying too much, right for too long, and you don't have to carry it alone because the truth is. This is something we already know how to do out here in rural communities. We show up for each other when things get hard. We don't let people carry all along. We step in, we stand together, we help carry the load because that's who we are. And maybe now it's time to bring that same strength. To how we take care of ourselves and each other when it comes to our mental wellbeing, because you are never meant to do this alone. So if this episode kind of spoke to you, like I said, resonated, share it with someone who might need to hear it. And if you haven't already, like subscribe and. Sign up for the newsletter@rhinoresilience.com. I know many of you already have and I appreciate that so much, but feel free to share this with others and let them know because this is important. And with that, I just wanna let you know, stay steady. We're in this together.