Ep 8: Adaptive and Wise: How Resilient People Handle Pressure

In this episode of the Rhino Resilience Podcast, we dive deep into Pillar 3 of Rhino Resilience: Adaptive and Wise.

Life changes. Pressure rises. Expectations fail. Uncertainty shows up. And many people struggle not because they are weak — but because they only have one or two ways of responding when life gets hard.

In this episode, Chris Swenson explores:

•  emotional & mental flexibility 
•  discomfort tolerance 
•  handling uncertainty and overwhelm 
•  disappointment and failed expectations 
•  how adaptability improves leadership and performance 
•  wisdom, discernment, and choosing the right response 
•  resilience, comeback stories, and legacy 

You’ll also hear practical tools, real-life stories, and powerful insights on:

•  “Control the controllables” 
•  why overwhelm causes people to quit 
•  how expectations shape frustration 
•  why your comeback story matters 
•  and how your resilience may someday become permission for someone else not to quit 

Because different moments require different strengths.

And maybe part of resilience is learning to fall in love with your comeback story.

Stay steady… we’re in this together.

For more great info head to Rhino Resilience!

#RhinoResilience #RuralMentalHealth #Resilience #MentalStrength #Leadership #Adaptability #MentalPerformance #StressManagement #Mindset #MentalWellness #EmotionalResilience #PersonalGrowth #RuralLife #Podcast #SelfLeadership #StrengthForRuralLife

Transcript

0:19

Welcome back to the Rhino Resilience Podcast, where we are training strength for rural life. I'm Chris Swinson, licensed therapist, speaker, and founder of Rhino Resilience. And today we're gonna continue our series on the four pillars of Rhino Resilience by diving into pillar three, adaptive and wise. And honestly, this episode may be, uh, a little bit longer than some of the others because this pillar is massive. There's a lot to it. There are a lot of practical tools, perspectives, and what I call golden nuggets throughout this entire episode. So don't feel like you need to absorb everything perfectly in one sitting. Write some things down. Pause it if you need. Come back to sections later. Revisit it over time. Because this episode is, is less about, like, quick motivation and more about training yourself to become more adaptive and wise in real life. So let's dive in, because honestly, like, this may be one of the most important pillars for long-term resilience. Okay? And remember, all four aren't just separate, that you train one, then move to number two, and then number three. They're all integrated together, but this one becomes one of the most important ones, especially for long-term resilience. Because life always change. Conditions change. People change, right? The world changes. Our kids grow up. And if the only way that we know how to function is when life stays predictable and comfortable, eventually life will overwhelm us. Some people like to think that resilience is only toughness, right? It's just grind harder, push harder, stay stubborn, never bend. But real resilience is more than force. Sometimes strength means adjusting, and sometimes strength means learning, and sometimes strength means rec- recognizing that the old way is no longer working. And today I wanna talk about what it means to become emotionally, mentally, and behaviorally flexible in a changing world. Not, not to be fake, not to be weak, but capable, wise, and steady. And so to start off with, I want to understand, like, was take the first part of adapt, adaptive, and we'll get into wise. But why does adaptability matter? Why should that matter to you? And you see a lot of people can function, like, when life stays familiar, right? When things are going the same way, but real resilience is who you become when life doesn't. And that's where many people struggle, you know, because many people only have one or two ways of responding to life. Maybe they get angry, shut down, avoid, isolate. They overwork. Maybe they try to control everything, blame, numb out, whatever it might be. And listen, those responses may have helped them survive at one point in life, but survival responses are not always adaptive responses. If all you have is one reaction, then life controls you. I mean, think about it. Imagine trying to use, like, the same tool for every single job, right? Use the same tool for fencing, for plumbing, that same tool for fixing an engine or cutting wood and repairing equipment. It wouldn't make sense. You see, different problems require different tools. But emotionally and mentally, a lot of people only have one or two tools that they use for everything, right? Anger for everything, a shutdown for everything, try to control for everything, or avoidance. And eventually, those limited responses begin creating problems in situations where they no longer fit. So pillar three is about expanding your range, learning new ways to meet life because different moments require different strengths, like calm when calm is needed, firmness when firmness is needed, patience when uncertainty is present, decisiveness when action is required, humility when change is necessary. That, my friends, is adaptive strength. And if you're a parent, a spouse, a coach, a teacher, a rancher, a farmer, a business owner, basically someone that others depend on, your ability to adapt affects more than just you. Other people often experience life through stability or instability that you bring into the room. That's leadership. You know, I've worked with people over the years who are incredible people, but every stressful situation got met with the exact same response. Like one I'm thinking of now, anger. You know, whether it was fear or disappointment, criticism, anger became the only tool, tool available to that person. And eventually, that tool started damaging the very relationships that they cared most about, not because they were a bad people, but because they had never learned another way to meet stress. And some people think leadership is always having the answer. But often, leadership is staying steady enough during uncertainty that people don't lose themselves too. And the more responsibilities that you carry, the more important adaptability becomes because rigid people tend to break under sustained pressure, whereas flexible and grounded people tend to remain effective longer. And this pillar is not just about mental health, it's about performance. Like, the more adaptive that you become mentally and emotionally, the better you tend to perform in real life. That's at your work, at home, during stress, during those rapidly changing conditions, you become better at what you do. And I think that farmers and ranchers really do understand adaptation already. You know, there's always weather changes, equipment breaking, you know, markets are shifting. I mean, conditions are changing fast. And the people who stay effective are often the ones who can adjust mentally and emotionally without wasting energy fighting reality. I mean, I look at teachers, they face changing emotional environments all day long. You know, they're dealing with a great deal of different personalities among the kids, those unexpected disruptions that occur, a lot of pressure and stress. But adaptability helps them remain effective instead of emotionally drained by every shift. You see, great coaches adapt, great parents adapt, great leaders adapt. It's just that different moments require different responses. You know, some people lose enormous energy every day fighting conditions that they cannot change, whereas adaptive people put more energy into responding effectively, and adaptability reduces that wasted energy. That matters when you've been carrying an enormous load for a long time. So as we get into this, I wanna set it up where there are basically a couple different factors that really matter. Like, in order to train this, what are those two things? So in order to become adaptive and wise, I really believe that the two things that people need to train are emotional and mental flexibility and discomfort tolerance. So let me start with emotional and mental flexibility. What is that? That means learning how to respond differently depending on the situation instead of reacting the same way every time. So specifically, that means, like, pausing instead of exploding, communicating instead of shutting down, adjusting instead of panicking. You know, thinking instead of impulsively reacting. And honestly, this takes practice because many of us have learned only a few ways to handle stress growing up. I mean, you see this in rural communities all the time. You know, a person can work incredibly hard. They can carry enormous responsibility, be dependable in every way, but emotionally they only know two speeds, push through or shut down. And eventually, life brings situations that require something different. That's where adaptability becomes critical. It's all about being able to function and maintain your performance in any environment imaginable. That's true adaptive strength. And the second factor becomes this discomfort tolerance. So you need to train is discomfort tolerance, because one of the biggest reasons people fail to adapt is discomfort. It's not their inability, it's discomfort. You know, when you think about it, we all want comfort. That's human. Because some of the most important moments in life require us to stay grounded inside discomfort long enough to adaptively... to adapt wisely. Now listen, I'm not talking about staying emotionally overloaded for years, because chronic stress eventually wears people down. What I'm talking about are those unavoidable moments in life where conditions suddenly change, and now you're being asked to adjust, grow, communicate differently, or carry that situation differently than before. You see, many people are not trapped by the circumstance itself. They are trapped by an inability to tolerate discomfort long enough to adapt. Because growth is uncomfortable, change is uncomfortable, hard conversations are uncomfortable, right? Learning new responses is uncomfortable. And what many people often do is immediately to escape that discomfort. They, they try to escape it through being angry or quitting, blaming others, right? Trying to control the situation. They begin to act impulsively. You know, those things will reduce that discomfort temporarily, but often it creates larger problems later. So the thing to remember is that short-term comfort, comfort in the short term, often creates long-term problems. But short-term discomfort often creates long-term strength. You know, I remember going through... I did a mental toughness training program that was conducted by former Navy SEALs, and a part of it was cold water exposure, okay? So cold showers. You know, cold immersion ice baths, right? And listen, standing in free- freezing cold water is not comfortable. Trust me. You know, your body wants out immediately, right? I mean, your breathing starts to change. Your mind starts screaming, you know, "Get out of this." And I remember one of the times I began doing it, you know, you get into the cold shower, your mind's looking for a way out. You get in there, and all of a sudden you're just, you know, trying to get a control of this stuff. And my wife had heard me. I didn't tell her what I was doing. She had heard me outside of the bathroom, and immediately she's thinking something's wrong, right? 'Cause I'm uncomfortable. Holy crap, you know? Like, it is cold and I'm freaking out in there. And she's like, "Are you okay?" And eventually I, I told her what was going on and, you know, and other times now as I go forward, she understands exactly what I'm doing. Because the training for that wasn't really about cold water. That wasn't what it was about. It was about learning not to let discomfort immediately control my behavior. So the training was learning how to steady yourself inside discomfort, right? Slowing your breathing, controlling your reaction, staying focused and grounded. And over time, I realized something important, right? That the discomfort itself was not actually the biggest problem. It was the panic and reaction to the discomfort was the bigger issue. And honestly, life works that way too sometimes. You know, those difficult conversations, uncertainty, those kind of things. But pillar three is learning how to remain steady enough inside of the discomfort to think clearly and respond wisely instead of just immediately reacting. And listen, like I said, I'm not talking about living in chronic stress or emotional s- exhaustion for years, 'cause that's not healthy. What I'm talking about is learning how to stay grounded during those unavoidable, uncomfortable moments that life brings. You see that adaptive people are not comfort-dependent people. They learn how to remain grounded even when conditions feel uncomfortable. Because if you cannot tolerate discomfort, life controls your choices. But if you can tolerate discomfort, you gain freedom. Now I want to talk about, 'cause there's some similar situations that people get into that just trap people, right? And the truth is, like most people don't struggle all the time. They struggle in those unpredictable situations, and pillar three teaches us how to meet those situations differently. So let's take one of those. Uncertainty So one major area is uncertainty, right? That's not knowing what's going to happen. Maybe you're waiting on the weather or you're waiting on finances, waiting on medical results. You know, you're just waiting on answers, basically waiting on life. And the one thing about uncertainty is it makes many people mentally spiral into that overthinking, obsessing, catastrophizing, trying to force answers immediately. You know, I remember talking with someone who told me one time that, "Chris, I can handle hard work, but what I struggle with is not knowing." And honestly, I think that's true for a lot of people. You know, the mind seems to handle pain better than unpredictability. But adaptive people learn how to tolerate uncertainty without collapsing because sometimes strength is carrying unanswered questions without falling apart. And during, you know, and during uncertainty, one phrase that I often remind myself of is, "Control the controllables, Chris." I'll say this over and over again and have trained it in my brain in these, "Control the controllables, Chris." Because uncertainty has a way of pulling our minds towards everything that we cannot control: the outcomes, timelines, other people, and those answers we don't have yet. But at the end of the day, the main things we truly have control over are our attitude and how we respond. That's where adaptability begins. You know? What is known? So basically, when you see this becoming, you come back to these phrases during this time. What is known? Like, what is known? What can be done? And what the next wise step is. Because sometimes resilience is refusing to mentally spiral into everything outside of your control. Truthfully, you may not control the storm, but you still influence how you stand in it. And let's look at another situation that's common: overwhelm. I mean, overwhelm is a major area that trips a lot of people up. And, uh, when I look at this, I think that there are at least two major ways that overwhelm tends to hit people, right? There's a couple different types, and one of it's kind of like looking at the whole mountain, right? So this first type is when we mentally try to carry everything at once, right? The whole future, the whole problem, the whole week, the whole season, the whole mountain. And when we-- when people do that, the mind often starts shutting down. Now, I remember learning something fascinating about Navy SEAL training, that during BUD/S training, and especially Hell Week, they found one of the biggest reasons why candidates quit- And that was overwhelm. It wasn't necessarily their physical ability or inability, it was overwhelm. Like, the instructors learned that if they could get candidates mentally focused too far ahead, many would start breaking mentally. They might tell them, like, "If you feel, if you feel this bad right now, how are you gonna make it until Friday?" And once that candidate mentally started carrying that entire week at once, overwhelm exploded. But they also found that the candidates who survived often learned something different. They narrowed their focus. Don't worry about Friday. Face today. Face this evolution. Face this moment. You know, one step, one task, one hour, one challenge at a time. Shrinking it up. And honestly, I use this in life, too. I mean, when overwhelm starts rising, 'cause it happens to me, it happens to all of us, I remind myself to just don't carry the whole mountain right now. Face what's in front of you today. I'll deal with tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Because right now, I need to face today well. Sometimes adaptability is not solving your whole future. It's staying steady enough to handle the present moment well. And the second type of overwhelm is when you've got too many tasks, right? This is when there are simply, like, too many things demanding your attention at once. You know, you got responsibilities, there's tasks, there's deadlines, family needs, people are texting you, they're asking you questions, work needs to be done. You know? There just seems to be, like, there's pressure coming from every single direction. And when everything stays sw- swirling around in your mind, I mean, it starts to feel impossible. And this is where I encourage people, get out of your head, okay? Write it down, all of it. Put it on paper. Write all those things you gotta do down. Because sometimes the brain is overwhelmed simply just trying to hold everything together mentally. And once you do that, then ask yourself, what is highest priority here? What matters most? What actually needs attention first? Okay, then create a plan on how you're gonna do those things, and execute those things one thing at a time. Because when everything feels, like, equally urgent, the brain just freezes. But clarity creates movement. You see, adaptive people learn how to organize pressure instead of emotionally drowning inside of it. Now here's another situation that tends to trip a lot of people up, and this is when things are not working out or things aren't going your way, right? Like, that area really does trip people up, is when things simply do not go the way that they hoped, right? Plans are failing. Your expectations got failed. Your efforts do not produce the outcome they wanted. And honestly, this can create an enormous frustration for people because many times the suffering is not only about the situation itself, it's also about the expectation they carried into it. Sometimes we create a picture in our minds of, you know, how things are supposed to go or how people are supposed to act, how life is supposed to unfold, and when reality doesn't match that picture, people often begin fighting reality. "This shouldn't be happening. This isn't what I wanted. This ruined everything." And eventually the situation begins controlling their thoughts, their emotions, their attitude, and even their ability to enjoy what still remains good. I get it. I've been there. It's not... It's, it's easier said than done, but it's important. And I think that farmers understand this deeply because you can work incredibly hard all season long and still not get the yield you hope for, and that can create disappointment, frustration, anger, fear and discouragement, especially when so much effort was invested. But adaptive people eventually learn something important, and that is that reality does not always follow our expectations, and resisting reality after it has already happened often creates additional suffering. Now listen, I'm not saying you won't have emotions about it, because you probably will. I have. Frustration, disappointment, anger, discouragement. I think all that, that's being human. And sometimes when life doesn't go the way we hoped, you may need a little... have a little time to have your fit, vent a little bit. Be frustrated for a moment. Feel the disappointment, right? You gotta have your moment to honor how you've been feeling and experiencing that. But eventually there comes a point where we have to decide, "Okay, how am I going to respond going forward?" Because if we stay emotionally trapped fighting reality forever, eventually the situation starts controlling us instead of us adapting to it. Now, one phrase I often remind myself- During hard seasons is this, especially when things don't go the way and it's a tough moment. Uh, it always comes to my mind, I use this phrase, "As long as I'm breathing, I'm still in the fight." Right? As long as I'm breathing, I'm still in the fight. And that means that things may not have gone the way that I wanted, and I may be frustrated, most likely so, disappointed and discouraged, but the story is not over yet. And I tell people all the time, "Never make a permanent life decision in a temporary painful moment," because this moment is only one episode of your life, not the entire story. And honestly, when you think about it, the greatest movies and stories are not powerful because life stayed easy. They become meaningful because of how h- how people responded when things got hard. How they adapted, how they got back up, how they kept moving forward after disappointment, failure, fear of uncertainty. That's what people connect to, and real life works that way too sometimes. So don't end your story emotionally in the middle of a difficult chapter. As long as you're breathing, you're still in the fight. And maybe part of resilience is learning to fall in love with your comeback story. Because comeback stories are rarely built during comfort, they're built during adaptation. And when people watch someone get back up, when they watch someone adapt, you know, when they see someone keep moving forward after disappointment, it teaches them something. It gives people hope. It shows them that maybe I can do that too someday. And honestly, that matters more than we realize. Because the people around us, they're gonna face some hard chapters too someday. Your children will, your spouse may, your friends will, the people you lead will. Sometimes the greatest thing that people learn from us is not how we succeeded, but how we responded when life got hard. And part of your comeback story may become a gift to the people around you, not because you handled it perfectly, but because you showed them how to keep standing back up. Your resilience may someday become permission- For someone else not to quit. Failure of an outcome does not equal failure of a person. Because sometimes life just simply requires adjustment. Now the backside of this pillar, you have adaptive and wise. We wanna move into a little bit about what does wisdom mean, right? Because adaptability without wisdom, that can become impulsive. Like, you can be adaptable, but you also need to be smart about it. And that's where this wisdom side of the pillar matters. You know, I think wisdom can really be understood through, like, two different components. You've got understanding and you've got discernment, right? Understanding is learning. You know, it's gathering knowledge, um, recognizing patterns, growing perspectives. I mean, it's learning through books, mentors. It's having experiences, right? Just that reflection, and learning through failure. You know, wise people collect wisdom. That's the idea. You know, sometimes one sentence changes how you carry life. That's why I always collect, like, good quotes and Bible verses, right? I collect good quotes and Bible verses all the time. Not because they sound cool, but it's because good words can steady you during hard seasons. You see, like pain alone, it does not automatically create wisdom. Not automatically. But reflection and learning from pain creates wisdom. I mean, you see that there are people that repat- repeat the same year of life 30 times, whereas others can learn from each season and become wiser. And then there's the other part, discernment. That is knowing what to do with the understanding you've gained. See, understanding gathers the knowledge, but discernment knows how to apply it wisely. And discernment is realizing that not every battle deserves your energy, not every emotion deserves a reaction, not every opportunity deserves a yes, and not every thought deserves belief. Adaptability is what gives you more tools. Wisdom helps you know which tool to use. You know, sometimes I, I joke that I can be like a rhino, right? And I tell people this, that if there's a fence in front of me, my natural instinct is, "Fine, I'll just charge right through it because I can." And listen, sometimes force is necessary, and sometimes toughness matters. Sometimes you do have to push hard. But pillar three teaches something important. Just because you can charge through something doesn't mean it's the wisest option. You know, sometimes you can go over it, sometimes under it, sometimes around it, and sometimes if we slow down long enough to think clearly, there's probably a gate sitting like 10 feet away. I'd rather use the door, right? Be smart about it. You see, 'cause some people tend to create unnecessary damage because force is the only tool that they trust. But wise strength wastes less energy. Strong leaders don't, do not just react with force. They assess, they adjust. They choose the response that best serves the mission, the people, and the moment. That is why this pillar has both adaptability and wisdom. Now, after having talked all this stuff, what's important here is when you are able to do this, right, being adaptable and wise. This is where this pillar mattles- matters deeply for your family. Because children are not only learning how to work from us, they're learning how to handle life from us. Kids watch how adults respond long before they understand the words adults say about stress. Modeling matters, but conversations matter, too. Kids need to hear us talk about adapting and learning and mistakes, resilience, emotions like wise decision-making. They need to hear that because those conversations help build language for life. One of the greatest gifts that we can give our kids is not removing every hard moment from life, but helping them learn how to move through hard moments wisely. You know, in rural communities, mentorship has always mattered. There's o- o- older generations teaching younger generations how to work, how to handle hardship, how to stay steady, how to keep going. You see, pillar three continues that tradition emotionally and mentally, and we talk about something important about legacy. We pass down more than land, equipment, businesses, and last names. We also pass down ways of handling life. The next generation doesn't just inherit our possessions. Often, they inherit our responses. So maybe part of a real legacy is not only teaching our kids how to work hard, but also teaching them how to adapt, how to stay steady, how to recover- How to think wisely, how to stay connected during stress, and how to lead their own families someday. Because those things is what shape generations too. You know, I know that most people don't just want successful kids. What they want is strong, wise, grounded human beings that they're proud of, not because they're perfect, but because of how they carry themselves through life. One day, our children may not remember every poss- possession that we gave them, right? But they will remember how we taught them how to handle life. You've been carrying enormous load, and part of pillar three is learning how to carry that load in a way that allows you to keep living, keep leading, keep performing, and keep staying connected to the people who matter most. And in closing here, pillar three is not about becoming fake. It is not about abandoning your values, and it's not about becoming weak. It's about becoming more capable, more flexible, more wise, more grounded, and more effective in the real world. And trust me, you don't need to become someone else overnight. Just begin adding new ways to meet life. Because the stronger your range, the less fragile your life becomes. And maybe part of resilience is not becoming harder and harder, but becoming more capable in more situations without losing yourself. Because people are depending on the version of you that can adapt wisely without losing who you are. I'm talking about your family, your team, your community, and the next generation. So with that, we'll continue going into the next episode, into the fourth and final pillar as part of this series, and then we'll move into other things. But I'll leave you with one final thing. Stay steady, and remember, we're in this together.