Ep 18 - Why We Keep Getting Stuck in the Same Place: The Tractor Rut Every One of Us Falls Into

Most of us have experienced it.

We tell ourselves we're going to respond differently next time... and then we don't.

We get frustrated, withdraw, overwork, worry, lose our patience, or fall into the same old patterns again. It can leave us wondering, "Why do I keep ending up in the same place?"

In this episode of the Rhino Resilience Podcast, Chris "Rhino" Swenson uses a simple rural analogy—the tractor rut—to explain why our brains naturally create automatic patterns and why stress often pushes us back into familiar reactions.

The good news? You're not broken, and you're not stuck forever.

You'll learn:

•  Why your brain creates "autopilot" 
•  Why stress makes old reactions feel automatic 
•  How small, intentional choices can train healthier responses 
•  Why resilience isn't about trying harder—it's about creating more than one way forward 

Whether you're a farmer, rancher, first responder, teacher, parent, business owner, or simply someone trying to navigate life's challenges, this episode will help you better understand yourself and remind you that new paths are always possible.

You already know how to push through. This episode is about learning how to carry life differently.

Educational Disclaimer
This content is for educational and inspirational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental-health treatment. If you are seeking therapy or clinical care, please contact a licensed mental-health professional in your area. Rhino Wellness Center is a separate clinical practice operated by Chris Swenson.

Transcript

0:19

Well, welcome back to the Rhino Resilience Podcast. So I wanna ask you something for this, today's episode. Have you ever been driving home after a long day, maybe coming home from work or just heading back into town, and you suddenly realize, "I don't even really remember driving the last little mile or so"? Like, you don't remember every curve in the road, every stop sign, every turn, and yet somehow you stayed in your lane. You arrived safely, and you weren't asleep. You weren't distracted. It was basically your brain just simply took over. We call that autopilot, and before we go any further, I want you to know something. Your autopilot isn't a flaw, okay? It's not, and I'm probably gonna repeat this a lot, but it's actually one of the greatest gifts your brain has been given because every day your brain is making thousands of decisions, because if it had to consciously think through every one of them, you'd be mentally exhausted before lunch. And so your brain, it looks for patterns, you know? It says, "We've done this before. Let's save some energy. Let's make this automatic." And that's why you don't have to think through every step of brushing your teeth each morning, and you don't have to consciously remember how to tie your own shoes. I mean, you don't have to relearn how to start or drive your pickup. Your brain has already learned those patterns, and honestly, that's a beautiful design But here's the challenge. Your brain doesn't just automate those routines, it automates reactions. Okay? It automates how we respond to pressure, to criticism, to disappointment, to uncertainty, to fear. You know, have you ever caught yourself saying, "Why did I do that again?" Or, "I told myself I wasn't gonna lose my temper. I wasn't gonna shut down this time," or, "I wasn't going to avoid that conversation," or, "I wasn't going to keep worrying about it." Or maybe, "How the hell did I end up back here again?" Right? And if you've ever asked yourself those questions, I want you to hear this. It doesn't mean you're broken. It doesn't necessarily mean that you lack willpower, and it certainly doesn't mean that you're beyond change. It may simply mean your brain has become very, very good at repeating what it's practiced. You know, every farmer and rancher has seen what happens when you drive a tractor across the same path over and over again. 'Cause at first it's just a set of tire tracks, but after enough passes, the ground begins to give way and the path gets deeper. The rut becomes more defined. Eventually, it actually takes more effort to steer out of that rut than it does to stim- simply, like, stay in it. And I've come to believe our minds work much the same way, and today I wanna talk about why we keep getting stuck in these same places, why our brains naturally create these tractor ruts, and most importantly, how we can begin training a better upgraded autopilot. Because resilience isn't about just paying attention to, like, every second of every day. That would be exhausting. But real resilience is learning to recognize when it's time to take hold of the wheel and practice healthier responses until one day they become the new upgraded autopilot. So let's get started. You know, I think one of the biggest kind of misconceptions people have is about practice. When we hear that word, we usually think about athletes. You know, football players practice, musicians practice, pilots practice, right? Practice is simply part of something, of becoming skilled at something, right? But here's something that we don't often think about. Your brain is practicing, too, every single day. Whether you realize it or not, your brain is constantly learning from repetition. Every repeated thought, every repeated reaction, every repeated behavior, your brain is paying attention. It's constantly asking one simple question: Is this something I should remember for next time? And if the answer is yes, it starts making that response a little easier, a little faster, a little more automatic, and eventually it becomes a pathway that your brain can travel without much effort at all. And that's actually kind of wonderful because, like I said before, it's why you don't have to relearn how to brush your teeth every morning. It's why you don't have to consciously think through every moment when you tie your shoes, or it's why you can drive to work without thinking about every stop sign or every turn. Your brain has practiced those routines so many times that they've become automatic. And that's not a flaw. That's an incredible design. But here's where it gets interesting, right? Your brain doesn't just practice routines. It practices emotional responses, too. You know, maybe years ago, shutting down helped you deal with a difficult relationship. You know, maybe staying quiet helped you avoid conflict, or maybe working harder helped you get through a difficult season. You know, maybe worrying made you feel prepared. Maybe getting angry helped you feel like you were back in control. You know, at one point in your life, those responses may have actually helped you. Your brain simply noticed. It said, "That seemed to work," so it saved it. Then it repeated it and repeated it again until one day it became your automatic response This is a big misunderstanding that I see. People ask, "W- why do I keep doing this? Why do I keep reacting this way?" And they assume that something must be wrong with them. I don't think that's usually what's happening. More often, I think, I think your brain has simply become very efficient. It learned a response, it practiced that response, and now it offers that response before you've even had time to think. Remember we talked about earlier, your brain says, "We've done this before. Let's save some energy. Let's make this automatic." The important thing to understand is your brain is saying that emotionally too. Think about it. Someone criticizes you, your brain says, "We've been here before." Someone disappoints you, "Oh, I know what we do here." Financial pressures show up, "We've handled this before." The problem is your brain isn't asking, "What's the wisest response?" It's asking, "What's the most familiar response?" And those aren't always the same thing. You know, there, there's a huge difference between what's familiar and what's wise. You know, or to put it another way, I mean, efficiency isn't the same thing as wisdom. Sometimes the fastest response is exactly the right one, and sometimes it's the very response that keep, keeps us stuck. That's why we find ourselves saying things, you know, that we wish we could take back. That's why we react before we've had time to think. You know, that's why we end up in places we promised ourselves we'd never return to. Not because we're weak or we're broken, but because our autopilot has been trained to take us there. You know, the encouraging news is this: if your brain learned that path, it can learn another one. But before we talk about, like, building a new path, you know, I think that we first need to understand why stress makes it so difficult to climb out of the old one. Okay? Have you ever noticed that you usually don't fall back into old habits when life is calm and going well? Yeah. It's usually when you're tired, you know, you're overwhelmed, you're stressed, you're under pressure, right? That's not a coincidence. That's biology. You see, when life feels safe, your brain has the time and the energy to think through different options. It can slow down, consider possibilities, it solves problems, look at situations from different angles. But stress changes that. Stress shifts the brain into survival mode, and survival mode has one primary goal, and it's not creativity or growth or wisdom. It's survival. And when that happens, your brain starts to conserve energy, narrows your focus, and simplifies your decisions, and begins looking for the fastest route it already knows. It's almost as if your brain says, "We don't have time to figure out something new right now. Um, just do what we've always done." And that's why stress has a way of pulling us right back into those familiar tractor ruts. Not because they're the best paths, but because they're the best known paths. Think about it this way. Imagine you're driving down a muddy county road after a heavy rain. And your tires fall into some deep ruts. Could you steer out? Of course. But it's gonna take more effort, right? More attention, more intention. Especially the deeper the rut, the more work it's gonna take to climb out. And our emotional lives work much the same way. The more we practice the reaction, the more natural it feels, the easier it becomes. Not because it's healthy, because it's familiar. That's why someone who's always worried doesn't simply stop worrying because someone tells them to, or why someone who's learned to avoid conflict doesn't suddenly become assertive overnight, and especially with someone who gets angry under pressure doesn't simply decide to stay calm because they know they should. Those responses have been practiced over, and over, and over again. And under stress, our brain naturally returns to what they practiced most. This is why I often say, "If all you have is one reaction, life controls you." Because if every stressful situation automatically produces the same response, then the situation is deciding how you live. Not your values, not your wisdom or your purpose. The pressure is. Now, I'm not saying that emotions are bad. They're not. You know, you think about it, fear can protect us. Anger can alert us that something matters. Sadness reminds us we've loved something or someone deeply. Anxiety can prepare us to pay attention. Our emotions are important, but our emotions were never meant to be the pilot. They're more like the instrument panel. They're gauges. They tell us something is happening, but they don't get to decide where we're going. That's an important distinction because resilience isn't learning how to stop feeling. It's learning how to keep your values in the driver's seat, even when your emotions are making a lot of noise. And that's exactly where we begin climbing out of the rut, not by pretending the rut isn't there, but by realizing for the very first time that we actually have our hands back on the wheel You know, another, another big mistake people make is believing that change happens simply because we decide to change. Now, don't get me wrong, deciding matters. You know, every new path begins with a decision. B- but the deciding isn't the same thing as training. I mean, think about it You don't become good at backing a trailer because one day you decided to. You become good because you backed it up over and over and over again. Eventually, you stop thinking so hard about every little movement. Your brain has learned. The same thing happens with our emotional lives. The goal isn't to grip the steering wheel of life every second of every day. Honestly, that would be exhausting. The goal is to practice healthier responses so often that eventually they become the easier responses. That's how resilience is built. Not in one big moment, but through thousands of small repetitions. Now let me give you an example from my own life. There's a phrase that I've been using for years: slow is smooth, and smooth is fast. And the phrase originally came from military and tactical training, but over the years it's become one of my own mental reminders, and here's when I use it. If I'm driving somewhere and I notice I'm s- I'm starting to, like, rush because I'm-- I might be running a little late, I say to myself, "Slow is smooth, smooth is fast, Chris." And if I'm trying to squeeze in, like, one more email before my next client walks into the office, as it did happen today actually, I say it again. "Slow is smooth, smooth is fast. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast." If I'm fixing something sometime around the house and I notice myself getting impatient or I'm moving just a little bit too fast, you know, I say it again. "Slow is smooth, smooth is fast." Now notice something. I'm not waiting until I'm completely overwhelmed. I'm practicing during the small moments. Every time I repeat that phrase, I'm teaching my brain when life starts speeding up, this is what we do. And here's what's fascinating, 'cause after doing that over and over again for years, when something genuinely stressful happens, when life suddenly becomes chaotic, you know? Or like today, I could feel myself beginning to spiral, right? I don't have to search for that phrase anymore. It finds me almost automatically. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast. That's exactly what we're talking about today. And I didn't eliminate the autopilot, I trained it, and that's what resilience looks like. Not paying attention to every thought every second of every day, but intentionally practicing the responses that you want your brain to remember. And this is where I think another farming picture helps, right? Think about what happens after a good rain. Those old tractor ruts begin to soften, and suddenly it's easier to climb out of them. But something else happens too, like the soil is now ready to receive new tracks. So whatever path you drive next is probably gonna leave a mark, and our brains work in a surprisingly similar way because emotion gets the brain's attention. It tells the brain this matters. The question isn't whether your brain is learning. It's always learning. The question is what is it learning? When we experience fear, our brain learns. When we experience embar- embarrassment, our brain learns. Failure, our brain learns. That's one of the reasons painful experiences can create such powerful automatic responses. The brain says, "Don't forget this." But here's the encouraging part. The same thing happens when we intentionally practice healthier responses with purpose. Maybe it's taking one slow breath before you answer. Maybe it's choosing curiosity instead of defensiveness. Maybe it's praying before you speak. Maybe it's asking for help instead of trying to carry everything alone. Those moments matter, especially when there's just enough emotion for your brain to realize, "Pay attention. This is important." Now, you don't need overwhelming stress when you practice. In fact, too much stress usually pushes you right back into the old rut. But the right amount of challenge, combined with intentional practice, begins creating a new one. That's why I encourage people not to wait until life completely falls apart before practicing resilience. So practice it during those small frustrations. Practice it when you're running behind, when you're having a difficult conversation. Practice it when your patience is being tested or when life speeds up just a little. 'Cause every one of those moments is another pass across the field, another opportunity to train your autopilot, another opportunity to teach your brain, "This is who we're becoming." You see, the goal isn't to eliminate the autopilot, because you can't. That's just the way it's built. But the goal is to upgrade it, to train it so well that when life gets hard, your first response begins to look more like your values than your fears, more like your wisdom than impulse, more like the person that you want to become than the person your stress tries to convince you you are. Because resilience isn't something you suddenly turn on, like during a crisis. Resilience is something you've been quietly practicing long before the crisis ever arrived You know, one of the things I've learned over the years is that resilience isn't about never getting stuck, because every one of us gets stuck. I do, you do, every person listening to this podcast does. You know, the difference isn't whether we have tractor ruts or not. The difference is whether the rut is our only road. That is what I mean when I talk about the third pillar of rhino resilience, adaptive and wise. A lot of people hear the word adaptive and think it means constantly changing who you are. That's not what I mean. Being adaptive doesn't mean changing your values or who you are completely. It means changing your approach. You know, think about a farmer for a minute. If one road across the field washes out, does he quit farming? Of course not. He finds another way. You know, the destination hasn't changed, the route has. Life works the same way. Sometimes what you got-- what got you through, like, one season won't help you get the ne- next one. You know? Maybe shutting down protected you years ago, but now it's hurting your marriage. Maybe working harder got you through some difficult financial seasons, but now it's costing you time with your family. Maybe always handling things alone helped you survive, but today it's become isolation. Those responses aren't bad because they once existed. They're simply no longer taking you where you wanna go. That's wisdom. Wisdom asks a different question. Not, "What have I always done?" But what does this situation need from me now? And that's a much harder question because it requires us to slow down, to notice, to think, to choose. That's what I... why I've said this throughout this episode. If all you have is one reaction, life controls you. Think about that for a minute. If criticism always produces defensiveness for you, life controls you. If stress always gets you to, to produce anger, life controls you. If disappointment always produces withdrawal, life controls you. If fear always produces avoidance, life controls you. Because the situation has already decided what you're going to do. Your values didn't decide, your purpose didn't decide, your wisdom didn't decide, the pressure did. But the moment that you realize, "I actually have another option," everything changes. That's freedom. Not because life became easier, but because life stopped making all of your decisions. And here's something I hope that you'll remember: being adaptive doesn't mean you always choose the perfect response. None of us do. Trust me. Being adaptive means you have more than one response available. 'Cause sometimes the wisest response is to speak. Sometimes it's to stay quiet. Sometimes it's to push forward. Sometimes it's to rest. Sometimes it's to lead, and sometimes it's to ask for help. Wisdom isn't one response. Wisdom is knowing which response fits the moment. That's what we're training. Not perfection, discernment. Not reacting faster, but responding wiser. And the beautiful part is every time you pause, every time you choose differently, every time you intentionally drive a new path, you're making that wiser response just a little easier the next time. Little by little, you're training your brain to follow a different road You know, I want to invite you to do something. The next time you're driving through the country, maybe you're headed out to check cattle, I don't know, maybe you're driving home from work, but, um, I want you to notice something. Look at the tractor ruts. Some are old, some are gonna be fresh. Some have been there for years. And then I want you to remember, every one of those ruts started with one pass. Nobody drove across that field one time and created a rut. It happened little by little, day after day, pass after pass. And our lives work much the same way. Maybe today you've realized you've been following a road that no longer leads you where you wanna go. You know, maybe it's been anger or isolation. Maybe it's always staying bidi- busy or worrying. Maybe it's believing you're never enough. Maybe it's carrying everything by yourself because that's what you've always done. Whatever it is, don't confuse a familiar road with your only road. Because here's the beautiful thing about a field: Farmers make new passes every season. They don't spend all year staring at last year's tracks. They look ahead. They decide where they're going next. Then they drive. Your life works the same way. The path that helped you survive yesterday doesn't have to be the path that defines tomorrow. One day, if you keep practicing, if you keep making those small intentional choices, if you keep reminding yourself slow is smooth and smooth is fast or whatever phrase becomes yours, something remarkable begins to happen. You stop forcing it One day, you realize your new response arrived before the old one did. You paused before reacting. You stayed curious instead of becoming defensive. You took a breath before speaking. You reached out instead of isolating. You stayed steady when you normally would've spiraled, and in that moment, you realize something. You've trained a new autopilot, not because you tried harder, not because you became a different person, but because you patiently taught your brain a better way. You already know how to push through. You've proven that. Most of the people listening to this podcast have carried things many people will never understand. That has never been the question. The question is, what are you teaching your brain while you're carrying it? Because your brain is always listening. It's always learning. It's always asking, "Should I remember this for the next time?" Make sure you're giving it something worth remembering As I said, you already know how to push through. And my job with Rhino Resilience is to help you protect that strength so that you can keep living, leading, serving, and staying connected for the long haul. Until next time, stay steady. We're in this together