9. How To Deal With Swass, Smoking Meats, and More

Sweat, smoke, and bad decisions make great conversation, and we prove it again by jumping from summertime suffering straight into listener questions we cannot ignore. We talk smooth bore vs fog pattern from a firefighter’s point of view, then get weirdly practical about hot-weather comfort: swamp ass, toe jam, chafing, foot stink, and what actually helps when you have to work in the heat. Yes, we say the quiet parts out loud, because everyone deals with it and pretending you do not does not make it better. 

Then we shift into backyard barbecue mode with meat smoking tips that do not require an expensive rig. We break down a simple Weber kettle method: charcoal on one side, meat on the other, a little wood for flavor, and the one tool we keep coming back to for consistent results, a thermometer. If you want brisket or pork that turns out right more often than not, this is the practical, budget-friendly starting point. 

From there, it turns into classic friend banter and outdoors chaos: a tubing weekend with a leaky tube, cold water, and a “you had to be there” moment that definitely got recorded. We also get into bigger life stuff like vacation planning, why casinos are tempting even when you should be saving money, and the ongoing debate about having kids while you are still young enough to survive the chaos. We even talk podcast growth, getting a guest lined up, and how we are trying to improve the audio as we go. 

If you laughed, learned something, or cringed because it sounded familiar, subscribe for the next one, share it with a friend who needs the smoke tips, and leave a review so more people can find us. What topic do you want us to tackle next?

Transcript

Allergies, Banter, And Episode Nine

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Good evening, Tanner. How are you? Doing well.

SPEAKER_01 0:04

I'm a little far away from that. How are you? Another day. Another dollar. Another dollar spent. What'd you buy today?

SPEAKER_00 0:17

I don't think I bought anything today. But you know, just being alive is spending money. Yeah. Everything's expensive. Could be bad or my allergies are pretty bad today. You see my sneezing fits at all? No, I didn't. I pray I don't have one on the show. That'll be the one time we'll have to edit the show out, is if I start sneezing, because it's just bam, bam, bam. There's one after another for like six times. Nice. I sneezed so hard this morning I cracked my back. But that actually felt good. It did, but it like hurt. It was a weird sensation. Alright. Well, we made it to episode nine.

SPEAKER_02 0:58

It's nine?

SPEAKER_00 0:59

Episode nine so far. Uh yeah, pretty sure it's episode nine. That's what we're gonna call this one. Uh no, episode nine. It's going well. This last episode wasn't bad. We it kind of picked up a little bit again. So um I am slacking. I need to be making clips of our podcast to give some sneak peeks and stuff. I'm doing my end of it. What's your end of it? Show one up. Show up and bullshit for an hour. Yeah, that's bullshit. Remember last episode we needed an assistant? Alright, we I gotta give my girlfriend credit. She got us a little thing that we have to our questions we have to read for tonight. Anything helps us. Yeah. We'd have forgot. She made a fancy line across there. Yeah, so that way we don't skip ahead. So we're gonna answer two questions a week. I think we got a few. Oh. About six. So we got three weeks worth of questions. Um, I need to mute this. Yeah, there we go. Um what else was I gonna- I was just gonna say something like oh the shirt giveaway. Yeah, so Crystal on the shirt. We did a random name generator. Uh I'll get into contact with her and get her a shirt. And then um, anything else? There was something else before the shirt.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

I was gonna use it for the shirt.

SPEAKER_00 2:25

I forgot. I quit taking my vitamins, my my neuro vitamins.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

Oh, you did?

SPEAKER_00 2:32

Well, I had a I had a run in with uh shit in my butt cheeks a few times. And okay, you I don't know. Did we talk about this last week? We talked about shit in your butt cheeks. But that so that was between our last episode and now that told me you shit his butt cheeks. No, that's shit in your pants. No, it wasn't a few drops. All right. Take a little tiny drop of water and cut it in half. Like it was you could tell that there was a little wet spot. I mean, like, barely you could tell. Okay. Oh, that's borderline. It could have been a drop of sweat for all we need. That's a good way to pivot into our first question. Um

Fire Nozzle Pick And Swamp Issues

SPEAKER_00 3:16

I don't remember. Our first question is actually kind of two questions, but both asked by the same person. We can ask, we can answer the or start talking about the first part because you know, talking about, well, okay, let's not get ahead. Let's finish the part about me shitting my butt cheeks. So I had an issue. I don't know. I think I've got it remedied now. But I was uh shitting a lot and it was not good. I thought I was gonna have to go to the hospital because I thought I had C diff. It was that bad. I even puked once, and I don't puke very often. So we're remedied with that. Now I just got allergies. I probably got the hantavirus or whatever. It's probably what it is.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Probably just fighting it.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

Because I had COVID before anyone had COVID, so I mean I gotta get the new virus out of the way right away. I don't come into contact with very many people, but I catch that shit like instantly. So our first part of our question uh will answer smooth bore or fog pattern. Well, that's a firefighting question. And I'm gonna go ahead and say smooth bore. You probably don't really know much of the difference. Water's water. Water's water. Just spray it at the fire. A lot of water, a lot of water for big fire. Smooth bore. Fog pattern, yeah. Maybe a little nice little cone if you're if you're into that kind of nerdy stuff, get a little cone flowing on it. But the second part of the question, looking for advice on dealing with summertime tow jam and swass. Any help would be great. Well, the best advice I could give is don't work when it's hot out. But obviously, most of us don't get to do that. Like, don't have that luxury. So then your other option is work butt ass naked. I mean, let everything breathe, right? I feel like you'd still get us. I don't know. I the wind, you know, when you bend over to pick something up, get a nice breeze up the crack, it would dry out nice and cool. Yeah, maybe. Okay, but if you're not working, you're not always necessarily working. You could be out just sitting in the lawn chair and getting some sweat. So from like March to October, are you supposed to just be completely new the whole time? Yeah, sit and make sure you have a mesh chair when you sit down, spread your cheeks a little bit so everything just has a nice breeze wave. Really? Yeah, I don't think anyone wants to see that. But that you know, that's a great point. When people started out, they weren't wearing clothes. No. Who decided it was socially acceptable to put clothes on? Oh, they serve with the little loincloths just covering your junk, which I understand that. Like, you know, fall if you're hitting a sharp rock. Yeah, it's one thing if you nick your hands or your legs or something, but you really wouldn't want to hit your dick on a sharp rock or something. Maybe more like my ball, your ball popping out of place or something. Yeah, they were probably eating their eating their cereal on the rock and their balls were kept falling out. Yeah. I don't agree with you. Well, I mean, I guess I agree, but I think especially for a man, just get a manzillion. That probably would help. Like, I mean, like all the hair in your butt crack and stuff, that just has to hold moisture. 100%. Uh it would be like swimming with a sweater on. My question is, is how do you shave your butt crack then? Oh, do you you'd have to have two? I imagine you just look in a mirror and like I feel like that'd be difficult. We've been over how hard it is to shave your balls. Can you imagine trying to shave your crack? Well, can you imagine getting a little cut down there? That would hurt. I also always have wondered, like, you know, your butt cheeks, it's not like they really move unless you're like a really fat person, but like, you know, they rub a little bit. Like, you know, in the summer when it gets sweaty, you can feel their sweat in there or whatever. I want to know, like, when your butt hair starts growing back in, if it's like coarse like beard hair, and if you have stubble, and if it's just stubble or back there, or like, you know, maybe the stubble is like velcro and it holds them together so they don't rub, maybe you know, so they just sit together. I don't know. You might be on to something. So that'd be something you could try also. Report back to us. Can we make an explicit podcast and do like all these fancy experiments? I'm not doing them. Why? Otherwise, so another like more uh on a serious note is I've heard people use cornstarch like baby powder, and you just get this like nasty cornstarch paste in your pants, but at least then you don't chafe and stuff. So like you just have to deal with the discomfort. At least you don't get the painful chafing from swamp ass. And toe jam, toe jam, I feel like it's just it's that. Bring extra socks, change your socks at lunch or something. I suffer from athlete's foot and stuff. And you know, they tell you, oh, I wash your feet. You can do all that shit, and it's still gonna be there. I toe jam. I'm pretty lucky. I get like I don't know if it's sunburn or if I get into something or whatever, but I get like every summer at the beginning of the summer when I start going barefoot like out in the yard and stuff, I get like blisters between my toes. And it's like poison ivy blisters, but it's every summer at the start of the year I get them, and then after that it's done.

SPEAKER_02 8:48

Really?

SPEAKER_00 8:48

But I don't ever get like athlete's foot or anything like that. I do. I I don't know if it's because I'll just put a pair of boots on and wear them for 12 hours, and you know, I mean they reek. But I mean I do the same thing. And you know, people have said like, oh, if you wear certain like white socks or whatever, like the color matters. I don't know. I think it's all just a bunch of myth. Like one person says, Oh, this kind of deodorant's better than the other. I just think it's all in your head, it's a placebo effect, whatever makes you feel that's my opinion. Alright, well, I think we answered that one pretty well. Should we answer the other one right away, or might as well? What

Monkey Butt Powder And Foot Tips

SPEAKER_00 9:37

is monkey butt? I think that that's like the same as it's I think like baby powder, but just specifically made for So you definitely I would fit you best because you're definitely a monkey. I'm assuming that's what I think I don't know. That's your mother-in-law, you should know. Well, yeah, I don't know. Do you not talk to your mother-in-law? I do. Okay, uh monkey butt powder, so we'll have to give that a try. Yeah, try monkey butt powder. Now, if it's a meat seasoning, I feel bad for me, but the next part of this question is any meat smoking

Budget Meat Smoking On A Weber

SPEAKER_00 10:17

tips. And I don't know the first thing about meat smoking, meat cooking. I'm not a chef. I can't. I just figured out how to run the air fryer within the last couple months. So I it's a step up. I can make mac and cheese. Um driving to Quick Trip and buying it is not necessary. I hate mac and cheese from Quick Trip. Crafting that box. I can make that. Umast. Nope, I can't make it. I thought you said you couldn't. I can make sometimes. Depends on how you want hard-boiled eggs. No, scrambled. I can get the scrambled though. That's about it. You want them over easy or whatever, they're gonna be scrambled. Um, and I think I can cook burgers alright. You can't really mess up with burger. I mean, you can overcook them, but they're still usually edible. Not eat up. Yeah. But you should have the meat smoking tips. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I'm no pro at smoking meat. I just use a Weber grill and put charcoals on one side and meat on the other, and that seems to work good. So that would be kind of one tip if you're trying to learn get into smoking meats on a budget. You can use a Weber grill and just put your opening on your lid opening on one side, your charcoal on the other with a little bit of wood, and just do like a handful of charcoal, like eight pieces, and then uh just get a thermometer for inside like an oven thermometer, put it in there, so you can ru check your temperature and just regulate it with your dampener on your lid. That actually works pretty good. The other thing I'd say is just Google it if you're well. That's I mean, that's really all I do is like brisket or pork or stuff. Google it. There's a ton of forms online. Uh look at like what temp you want to smoke stuff to, at what temp you want to smoke it. So just figure that out, figure out whatever recipe you want to follow, and then just monitor your temperatures, monitor your smoker temp and your meat temp. Be consistent at it. And I mean, so far every recipe I've seen online followed their instructions, it's turned out. So I have yet to ever try your smoked meats. Oh, yeah. I'm kind of upset about this. I did a brisket. Like what was it, a week or two ago? You got up at like 5 30 in the morning to start smoking. Four, yeah. I get a Snapchat from Derek, and he's sitting out the deck as the sun's coming up and he's smoking his meat. Yeah, I did none for Tanner. I did two briskets. Well, they weren't my briskets, so I got we were going for uh Memorial Day, we were going to a friend's house. And so he sent two big briskets over for me to smoke. Got up at four in the morning. So for my birthday, will you smoke me something? I could probably smoke you something, make you a banana cream pie. I'm waiting for the banana cream pie. You know how jealous Remy was? Because last year for her birthday, I took her out for dinner. I didn't make her anything like homemade, didn't make her dessert or anything. And then for Tanner's birthday, I can go make, I think what was it, three or four banana cream pies to bring to work. I I'm sorry, Remy, but I rank up here more. I've been with him for 18 years. Plus now, like, you know, you're like three, four years. I I'm damn near five times, you know. I've put up with a lot more in that time period. I'm I should rank higher. I'll probably have to make her a pie for her bigger. I I think I'm more important until you put a ring on her finger. Well, I'll make you two pies. I'll make her one and you two. Oh, okay. Why? Because I'm fat. Yeah. Oh,

Tubing Drama And The Leaky Tube

SPEAKER_00 14:14

how was your weekend? It's good. I got stuck spending my Saturday with you. You enjoyed yourself. It was fun after a while. Took me a little bit to get warmed up. After you got your tube reinflated. Yeah, like for the third time. Yeah, so. The one guy that didn't want to go tubing, the one person who didn't want to be there and give him the leaking tube.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

I didn't think it leaked that bad. My offense, last time I used it, I made it halfway down the river. It was still floating enough that I didn't have to air it up, but since we stopped, I aired it up that I made it to that. Okay, I probably could have made it further if the water level was higher. True, we're going pretty slow. Well, when there's that much water and my tube is flat, you guys had inflated tubes and were still somehow managed to float. I had to get up and walk. So yeah, you know, after it got a little deeper and I just got over the fact that my tube sucked and that you tricked me into going out there, and that I was out there and I was stuck out there, and then we started talking and having some fun. It wasn't terrible. Yeah. So we're going again this weekend? No. I got too much to do this weekend. Well, we figured it out if we tell Adele or ask Adela if she'll want to go. Yeah, you know. And then she'll make you go. So that's that's You texted me Friday night. I think she was a little upset because you texted me Friday night when we were going shopping, and I'm just like, ah, maybe, I think I said I didn't say a word to her about it. And then all of a sudden, she calls me while I was at work on Saturday. Why don't you want to go tubing with Derek and Remy? And I'm kind of like, someone texted her. I know you don't have her contact. I had Remy text her. I even told Remy that I'm like, I know Adela wanna go, so just text Adela and she'll make Deanna go. And then she's like, Well, we don't have to go. And then I felt even more bad because all the people you were inviting. And I'm like, Alright, I guess we can go. And you know, I left work earlier than I wanted to. I told you you could stay at work. Well, yeah, but I wanted to get shit done. And I came home and didn't get nothing done. I wanted to mow lawn. I mowing lawn on a Sunday should be against my religion. I don't like mowing lawn. I don't want to do it on Sunday. But I had to do it on Sunday because you made me go to it. Oh, God forbid I make you go. You made me go out to eat afterwards. I didn't make you do out eating. Yeah, you did. Why did I make you go to eat? You asked Remy if I want to go out to eat. She she wanted to go out to eat, so I had to. I simply asked. Because at one point out in the river, you said, What's what are we doing for dinner? And we kind of just looked at each other, knowing and before we're about to leave, okay, are we gonna like Derek gonna grill out for us or are we gonna go somewhere? So will you go again if I uh smoke some meats and we can have smoked meat afterwards? Yeah, but I don't think I want to go this weekend. Okay. Maybe. Is it supposed to be nicer this weekend? I have no idea. Because the water was pretty damn cold. I didn't think. And if we get some rain, before we go again, I'm driving my happy ass out there to make sure the river is high. It was down at least two feet. It wasn't two feet. A foot and a half. Maybe a foot. Maybe it was more than a foot. Most places the river isn't even a foot. Oh, you could see the water line on the shore. Yeah, I bet it was about nine inches. No, it was way more. Nine inches. Yeah, nine inches. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

You did get something good out of the deal though. Yeah. Think about it. What did you get to experience? At the end. What'd you get to see that that end of the tubing?

SPEAKER_00 18:22

What did you get to see? Oh, I'm safe. She doesn't even remember. Oh. Yeah, I gotta see her testicle. Yeah. I didn't show a video. I video of your testicle. That's what I was referencing earlier when I said uh the cavemen were probably sitting on a rock with their nut out eating their cereal. So I didn't show up. Adela showed us a video of Tanner sitting in the living room. I think with cereal yellow. Does he eat the cereal, mind his own business, not realizing what's going on here? He has his uh testicle hanging out of his underwear. And they're I don't know if they're quite as big as she says they are, but they're pretty darn close. I think they're more staging than big. Because you're under your underwear in the video. They aren't like super tight, but they look like they were kind of tight underwear. And somehow that thing worked its way out the bottom. That's what I think. I think they're saying were you were you itching them and like kind of just popped one out, or did it just work its way out? Oh, I was probably itching them. I I don't know. Next thing you know, she's laughing her ass off, showing me this video, and I'm like, no, no. Yeah, the rule is I uh I can see the video, I just can't have it. It's kind of like that picture of you naked in the mirror with the emoji covering your jump. I I've been able to see it, but I can't have it. It's a great picture. I want that picture so for my birthday. Can I have that picture? If I can get the video if you're not. What are you gonna do with the video? Oh. You'll find out. I'll find out. Really? I probably wouldn't do anything with it. I'd probably just keep it on my phone show people for laughs. That's what I'd do with the picture evil. But don't you like look at her and say what or something? Or like you kind of look annoyed in the video, and it's like Yeah, I didn't realize what she was doing. And then I don't know how we got to that point, but somehow along the line, I did agree she was gonna send you the video. And I think I settled with her on she can show you, but you can't act. I think I pissed her off and did something, and she's like, I'm gonna show, I'm gonna give Derek that video or whatever. And I'm like, no. I'll have to work out, I'll have to try and get her pissed at you so that way she just sends me the video. No, I bet I could get her pissed at you. Can I you can I tell you what, I'll let her send you the video if I can have the picture of you.

SPEAKER_01 21:01

We'll think about it. Yeah, see, that's it's different now, ain't it? Yeah,

Vacation Plans, Gambling Talk, Kids Debate

SPEAKER_01 21:09

Derek, we're going to Florida.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Yeah, when's that? January? No, December. December. Well, we come back. We're gonna be in the new year. Yeah. We went out to meet raffle like two weeks ago, a week or two ago, no? Yeah, we and Remy comes up to me and are we going to Florida again this year? Because Derek won't take me on a vacation without you. And I'm already going to Florida in September for like an EMS convention. And I'm like, I didn't really plan on it. Florida two times in a year. I think we should do like Arizona or somewhere different. I don't know. Vegas. I like a beach. No, Vegas is too Vegas pool, bam, bam. Just sitting at the slot machine. I know that gets your No, I can't afford that. Yeah, you. No, I can't afford to you can't afford not to go. Just think you could win. Yeah, and I could lose. You could I can't wait. Everyone watching the video can just see the little sparkle in your eye come on when I said that. I am not a gambling man anymore. No. I don't know the last time I gambled. That's sad. It's probably like three weeks ago. That's not very long. It's a long time. I w we went to the meat raffle. I didn't put any money in the slot machine. Yeah. That's improvement. You always got you're way more fun with a gambling addiction. Why? Because. No, you never want to go to the casino with me. Yeah, and then I go to the casino with you what? Twice? And then you're like, ah, I don't want to go anymore. Let's go to the casino. Let's go. You're all shut this down, we'll finish it off and report back our window. They're called lavaliar mics, they clip on your shirt. We could go take the podcast on our road. Take the podcast, the casino. We'll just hear the machine change, ching, change. Although that little panda machine, if he starts buck scooping, I'm doing good. I feel like it's always the like Asian machines. Yeah. Like the panda, like there's like an Asian train or one or something. I always, if it they have like Asian or Mandarin writing on them, I usually do good on them. I don't know what's going on. I just sit there, press a button, and then just stare. Maybe I could scrounge up a hundle. We could go to the casino this weekend. Should we do that? Well, I have to. I need to save money though. Nah. Why? What about kids? Don't you want kids someday? I don't have a long time. Why? Uh-huh. No, I was talking to our one co-worker today, recently married, and he said, why not just get it out of the way when you're young? And I told you that, and I should have sunk in. Yeah. We're as young as we'll ever be. Yeah, I see. Just think, we go through the rough times of poverty. Having kids now, by the time we're 40 and 50, we can be sitting on a beach every day because we won't have kids to deal with anymore. Yeah. Or we could just never have kids. No, I want at least one. I can't wait to see your kid. Why? Because he's gonna be a little you. He's gonna be a little bit. Okay, you have to describe all you describing to me this morning. 50-year-old man that's he's gonna be a little fat kid. And he's gonna always wear high viz, because that's what daddy wears. So he's just gonna be this little kid walking around with an Imriano salvage hat. High viz. Strade around. I know, even though you don't wear a phone holster, I know he's gonna wear a phone holster because he's gonna think it's cool. You just know a phone holster is gonna be a thing. Guarantee your kid wears a phone holster before the age of twelve. I'm gonna buy my kid a phone before the age of twelve? I get you're you've always had phones and the fanciest phones. Not anymore. This thing is pretty old. What is it? An iPhone 15? I don't know. I think it's the first one with the type C shit. What is it? iPhone 15. Isn't there like an 18 now? Oh, I got mine less than uh, it's probably been a year now. Your phone's newer than mine, is it? Well, yeah, if you got it less than a year ago. Oh, it's a 15. I don't know. I've had it's had been over a year. Oh. You've had a phone for quite a while. Yeah, but this phone I'm talking about. I don't think my kid's gonna have a phone. No.

unknown 25:56

Why?

SPEAKER_00 25:57

And his hair is I feel like his hair's gonna look like yours, right how yours does right now. That's how it'll go to school. Who cares about what you are the prissy boy that's always oh my hair? Oh, you gotta do it. Who cares what it looks like? I should be wearing a hat right now, but normally you just slap a hat on it and it covers it up. When you get home, well then your old lady's gotta look at you, but that's her problem. Mm-hmm. You're just the prissy boy. Yeah, sorry, I take care of my hair. That's about the oil you take care of. Yeah. Yeah. I hate hygiene. I do it because you have to. Like it's well, speaking of hygiene, I don't know which one of us has got the smell of sheet or something. I think both of us. It's pretty bad. Because I could smell mine when I took my boots off. And I came down here and it didn't get any worse, but the smell changed a little bit. I think it's not rough too. It's it's not the most pleasant. I think we need to start showering before the podcast. Uh huh. Yeah. Together? Might as well. I mean, no sense me driving all the way home. Yeah, group shower right there. Oh. Perfect. No, you'd hog the water. Yeah, so. I feel like you'd like pinch your wiener between my butt cheeks or something. No, no, no, no, no. That's what you do to Remy. No. Yeah, you do. This is a she You went there, you can't even blame this on me. You brought it up. You told me that you do that to Remy, and then we confirmed it with her. And she didn't seem like the biggest fan of it. I don't do it. It's not like I do it, but like how? I've probably done it like twice where I'll just put them through your buttons and then pull it out. What the fuck are you doing? It's just funny. What far do you put it in? Like, like just toot a little bit. Just a toot. Yeah, there's a little toot. Kind of like, what's that thing that makes your balls go? You take it. Yeah, shove your finger as hard as you can in your belly button. And I don't know. Some guys agree with me, some guys don't, but do you get it like do you have a feeling in your wiener when you shove a finger in your belly button? No, I don't like my it almost hurts if there's a finger in my belly. Yeah, it hurts. And the best way to describe the like painfulness is a in your wiener. Your wiener goes, hmm. I don't know that my wiener goes, hmm, what happened? Try it right now. No. I feel like, huh? Okay, my wiener definitely just did like a little flex. I love the way you describe things. It's it's the best way I can describe it. Because I can't remember who it was, but someone was like trying to describe it to someone. I'm like, no, I know what you're talking about. So like some of this, I'm like, oh, what's the best way to describe it? Like it just makes your winger go, hmm. What about the tilt whirl? Does that make your wiener go hmm? Yeah, sometimes. Like, kinda. Like the same as like if you go over a hill fast. Yeah, that's kind of the same feeling. I don't get that from my belly button. Because that's also Remy couldn't believe me, or like didn't believe me, that like when we a guy goes over a hill fast, or like the tilt whirl and stuff, that you feel it in your penis. She's like, no, you just feel it in your stomach. Oh, you feel it in your penis. Yeah, I guess girls don't feel it in their vagina. Really? I always had that when I was like a real little kid. We'd go over a hill and I'm like, that that ain't right. I got a little older and I just figured it was kind of mistake. You got a little older and then you purposely went down. Yeah, I go over the hill and then I turn around and go back. That's the reason why my tilt of my favorite carnival, right? That's fucked up. Why? Uh-oh. It's not like I was rubbing one out on the tilt of not like you. I've never rubbed one out of the tilt wheel. I'm sure you have.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

No.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

You like jerked off to my dog. No, I didn't. No.

SPEAKER_01 30:26

No.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

Okay, you said you molested my dog. I know. I locked myself in your bathroom with your dog as a joke.

SPEAKER_01 30:42

As a joke.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

As a joke. Allegedly. Allegedly. I did not fuck your dog. That dog was so small, if you shoved anything in it, it would have exploded. You think your wiener's that big? No, that's why I said anything, because I knew I probably said my wiener, you'd be like, oh, your wiener's so small. Fucking gizmo. Rest in peace, gizmo. Didn't you make a gizmo joke the day after my mom put him down? Probably. Asshole. Rest in peace, boomer. Ah, that's mean. Why? Boomer's bad. Remy, when when Boomer died, Remy texted me. Is Derek okay? He won't answer me if you said you're just at home dinging a home for God. Yeah, I use the AGT for that. The tag he's asking. I can't believe you got deep enough repairing a dog. Oh, that

Ice Shack Dreams And Boat Logistics

SPEAKER_00 31:39

thing did, uh. Deep enough. I hate that thing. I want one of the mini skids to yours. Wanna buy one? Haves? No, I want to go halves on a pontoon. And an ice shack. And an ice shack.

unknown 31:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

I want you by the pontoon, I buy the ice shack. Oh. Why? You'll buy a shitty ice shack. No, I won't. I'll buy an ice castle. Oh no, all of them are shitty. Okay, I'll buy uh whatever. I want ice camping to the max. I want a TV on every wall in the ice shack. Why don't we just go to Buffalo Wildland? We should go there also. Here we go there. We could just sit in the parking lot, get cold for a little bit, go inside, watch TV, warm up, then stop at the store and buy fish on the way home. I don't like fish that much. My catch and released. Well, why do you even want ice shack? We could just skip the fishing part. Yeah, I don't know why we have to get cold at this point. We could just go. I thought maybe you just like the, you know, the nostalgic of ice fishing where you can. I don't if I'm going in an ice shack, I'm not going outside. You've seen you to go outside when we were out in South Dakota. I did, yeah. I uh luxury I can't take the cold like I used to. I used to love fishing outside. Remember the mornings when we were hungover and you fuck you couldn't even feel your fingers as you're trying to get your line down in the water? Mm-hmm. Then when the fish would stop biting, you'd just lay down in your ice gear because it's waterproof and you can lay right on the ice and take a nap. That was really nice. The best nap I ever had was that hungover nap on South Dakota on the ice.

SPEAKER_01 33:33

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 33:34

I don't think you have the picture. I think Hunter has a picture of me all curled up in a ball.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

That was our first South Dakota trip.

SPEAKER_00 33:40

Yeah. That was a fun time. That was fun because we were in like five feet of water, so we were just sight fishing. We had one hole for our face and one hole for our rod, and we'd just lay there and jig for them. The part that sucked, it was all like little wall eye. Yeah, but we'd catch a lot of perch. Yeah, the perch were nice. The perch were nice. We need to go summer fishing. I haven't went summer fishing in a long time, Derek. I went one so far. I don't know that I even have a pole anymore. They probably all rode around the bed of your truck till they got broke. Yeah. You have a problem with that? Just because that's what I used to do. I think I had some really nice ones at one point. Oh, you had really those bait casters we got. Those are nice. Yeah, that one drove in the bed of my truck. Yeah. I remember that. My favorite memory of that baitcaster is that time we were fishing, and I casted it out, and all my line went on the lake. The baitcaster. I ended up figuring out the baitcaster. I don't know if you ever did it. I did kind of on enough. Yeah, I've got to do it. Oh I actually got good. Like I'd use that, it was way easier than my other rods. Really? Or I liked it way more, whatever. But after I broke my neck, I've tried using it a few times. I've got it down now, but I still do a lot of birds' nests. Well then the bird's nests are twice as hard to get out when you have one and a half hands. Yeah, you put the act tension out with your thumb. It's been so long since I've used one. Oh we need to go fishing. It'd be really nice if you still had a pond doing it but go fishing off. Oh yeah, wouldn't it? Or if you or if my sugar daddy would just go buy one. You in a canoe? Can you canoe? Yeah. I went paddleboarding the other night. You did?

SPEAKER_01 35:44

Really? I stood up twice. Wow. We should get a paddle boat. Like a paddle boat? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:54

Those things are social. I've never understood them. People love them, like everyone you have. But like. I feel like you go nowhere with them. Oh, they're nice as hell. When you're going to your destination, but then when you gotta come back and you gotta do all that work to get your happy ass back. That sucks. I'll just have to get a little motor and. Then you have to register it. Well, hide the motor. So if the DNR is code, we can just like. I there's some of the regulations on that. I don't want to register that kind of watercraft as a boat.

SPEAKER_01 36:32

I mean a boat.

SPEAKER_00 36:33

A floating device. But yeah, since I got rid of the pontoon because I was having registration issues. Yeah, it's different. It's different. Yeah, because you didn't try hard enough. Okay. You're not a try hard. Let's just go buy a pontoon. Brandon? Yeah. 50,000 probably. No, I'm more than that. I want. I don't know what's a good length. I want a nice long one, like 24 foot. 24 foot. Underglow. I want a hundred horsepower Johnson on there. Do they even I don't think they make Johnson? No. No, they do. The Johnson or Even or don't want them. One of them sold or went out. I can't remember. Okay, a hundred horse. Yeah, the underglow, the fancy stereo system. No? No. Why? I'd rather have an old scooty fishing boat. Why? You got already your John boat, too. Uh mine, so yeah, he. But didn't he only take it back because you weren't using it anymore? Yeah, because I didn't really use it much, and he I can't remember if it was a grandkid or nephew on to use it, so you just get rid of all of our fun, dude. I'm not the sugar daddy. You because I had someone else's jumbo they gotta use. Yeah, you've always provided the the entertainment, and I just bring the good time. I brought I brought you two in this last weekend. Could have brought your fishing pole. I don't have a fishing license. Well, you could have bought one. Or do I have to buy that for you? Yeah. I don't like buying a fishing license. That's the dumbest thing ever. I catch and release. I'm nice to them. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so why do I need a fishing license? Oh, that's a law. So that's when do you bu abide by laws? Oh, I always buy a patron license. I don't anymore. You don't take me out duck hunting anymore. You don't do

Duck Hunting Story Plus Grill Cooking

SPEAKER_00 38:40

anything. We have to go duck hunting. Yeah, but you used to go duck hunting a lot. That was fun. Yeah. Even though we never got any. Oh, we did. The one that got away. Yeah. How did that thing? I don't know how that happened. So we did we have more than I think we just shot one duck that day. And so we had one duck, and I think I like we decided I was gonna get a keep it. We're going we were in your boat, your truck, and we're going back to your home. Yeah, so I was like, oh, you can have the one duck we got. So it was dead. I mean, and we shot it early in the day, whatever. So it was sitting in the back of the boat, like in the John boat you have the trans home, a little space, and then a seat. And so we threw it back there, went all the way up the river, took it out of the river, loaded on the trailer, duck was still there, and this is where we always hold our ducks. I mean, always put our ducks in that spot. Drove home, the duck was gone. I don't know if I hit a bump that I never hit before, and it got bounced out, or if the thing came alive and flew off, but yeah. The look on your freaking face when we get to your driveway and you're back there, I don't know if you're scratching your ass or you had. Huh. Where'd our duck go, guys? I was so I was so excited to eat duck, also. Yeah, I haven't had duck in a long time. Duck's probably my favorite. Duck is good. Well, we'll have to go. I think one of the like fanciest looking meals I've ever made was I made duck on the grill and I wrapped it in bacon. So they're like little duck medallions. And I had two of those, and then I took and put butter on top of tinfoil, like I made a little tinfoil pan, put a shit ton of butter in there, cracked two eggs in there and put onions and peppers and stuff on them. Cooked that on the grill also. I have a picture somewhere, it looks like a fancy meal. I never got to try any. No. You've never made me like a good fancy meal. I've made you bacon grilled cheese, I think. Um, yeah. That's not really fancy, but yeah, nothing's fancy. Oh, you made me well, you didn't make me French toast. You have yet to do that. I'll have to make a French toast. When? Oh. Next year? Yeah, probably. The year after that. I'll make a French toast.

Guests, Gear Upgrades, Audio Lessons

SPEAKER_00 41:28

We really need to get a guest on the show. Yeah, we were supposed to have one tonight. Yeah. Thanks, Gavin, for pulling us off. Walker always says thanks for the invite. We invite him and look at we just ask people alone. By episode 10, we need to have a guest. Hopefully. Hopefully. Gavin said he'll come on next week, so. We got that nice new microphone. I don't know how we're gonna set the set the I don't know, is this thing solid enough? Maybe. Yeah. You can just sit back there and fold the other goal. Oh, you can hold it. You can hold it and be all official. Once we get another guest, we'll have to come up. Well, depending on who the guess is. But I feel like Gab would go for holding the microphone, sitting in the back, being a little taller than us. We need to get like really fancy equipment and have like four different camera angles. We have to get people to like hold the mics, like the sticks. Yeah. We could get mannequins for now, you know. Imagine how how like strenuous that would have to be after a while. They'd be like, okay, can we stop talking about this dumb shit? Weird. We don't ever cut the show. It's not like the movie scers that they get like a break every now and then. It'd be like however long holding that damn thing up in the air.

SPEAKER_01 42:58

I think we should get people to do that. I think you're putting the cart before the horse.

SPEAKER_00 43:05

I didn't have any applicants for employees. No. I thought it would blow up. I really thought that was gonna be the one. Actually, I realized last episode. I'm surprised it's done as well as it has because the audio was terrible. Really? Yeah, that little white box on the forward, I forgot to shut it off before we started recording, so there's like constant sound in the background. One day I'll get it. Not today. Not tomorrow. Maybe by episode 20 if we're still here. It feels like we've been at this a long time. It doesn't matter. But nine episodes. It's only nine weeks. I mean that's over two months. Yeah, but not by much. I guess.

SPEAKER_01 43:53

It feels like we've been doing it for a couple years. Imagine if we Well, I was thinking about that.

SPEAKER_00 44:02

You know, I just don't think we have to give up. If we keep growing a little bit by a little bit, you know, maybe something will be. By the time we're 50 years old, we might have a thousand followers. Yeah. Might be a thousand people. Just think of all the interesting stories we could have by the time we're 50. If you make it that long.

SPEAKER_01 44:23

Yeah. If you make it that long.

SPEAKER_00 44:25

Why? I

5K Training Excuses And Measurement Rants

SPEAKER_00 44:26

heard you run today. Well, guys, it was just as bad as you, though. I was glad we were headed towards the truck that had the AED in it. It was just as bad from you. I couldn't imagine what the truck sounded like. The harder I try to control my breathing, the worse it is to breathe. I hate to say it, but I think Alec might win the 5K. I don't know. I was faster than him, though. Did you see that? Yeah, but he started out behind me and he went by both of us, and then you too was there. Oh. God damn it. And also, he I think he kept running all the way to his truck. You and I both slowed down. No, he slowed down before me.

SPEAKER_01 45:11

And I kept going to make it a point.

SPEAKER_00 45:15

He probably has more stamina. He's a lot smaller of a guy than we, you and I are. So that's and the amount of training I was doing has completely changed. I went from walking and running almost every night to I haven't done it in like a month or two. So I've always thought of like when we because it's when we get page out and we take off from it or rain. I've always thought I'm like, what if it's just down the road or something? And so all the first respiratories get their having like a heart attack or something, they're just like sitting there, you know, nice and peacefully. All the first respiratory, they're just oh that was bad. That was pretty bad. I think I don't want to say this because I know Adela's watching, and she'll hold me to it, but it's probably time to start training again. Have you been training at all? No. I was kind of hoping you forgot about the 5K. Oh, yeah, we should probably just forget about it. It's a walk-run. We could walk it. I could walk that far. I just have to figure out I have to be able to run far enough that I get behind like the trees. Because, right? Like, once you get like 200 yards or so, like if you're looking down the trail, you can still see it, but it's not obvious, like if you start walking. So I just have to be able to take off. And then run back? And no, and then I can walk. And then like whenever I get back to where everyone is, start running again. Yeah, that's what I run things right now. That's what I was thinking. We could just do that, and then they'd think we ran it the whole time, right? You know, minus the part that it probably took like an hour. That would be a long what is a five, it's 2.3 miles, isn't it? I guess. 2.0 miles. I don't think it's two and a half, but I think it's less than that.

unknown 47:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 47:16

Oh, you're the smart one here. Oh. Do the conversion. Oh, I don't pay attention to kilometers. Why? Why is the US the only one that's different? Oh. I was watching a Mexican on Facebook the other day use a tape measure and he was writing it off in centimeters and stuff. That seems more confusing than our system. That's just because we're not used to it. It makes sense. It's tens. Yeah. Ten centimeters is what a de decimeter decimeter? Yeah. Yeah. Ten decimeters. No, is it uh 10 millimeters is a cigarette? Ten millimeters is a centimeter. Ten centimeters is a decimeter, I think, and then is it 10 decimeters is a meter? Sure. Sounds right. I think that's what it is. Okay, that makes more sense than the 16th shift. Yeah, because we use 16th and then 12 inches is a foot, three feet is a yard. What I don't understand, the part that and no, like I understand how to read a can't measure and all that. Kinda. You'd probably disagree. You know enough. Why does it have to why can't just when you read like the fraction, why can't it always be a sixteenth? Why do you gotta throw in an eighth and uh a quarter and shit? Like, why can't it just be all sixteenths? I mean you can. Four sixteenths is a quarter. Yeah, but why do you have to like why do you have to change it? Oh why can't you just say sixteenths? I mean, some people like it depends on the crew you work with. But there definitely are some crews out there that only use sixteen eight sixteenths or I mean because we understand the system, right? We know how to do it. But like if you think of it from an outside perspective, think if you were someone that uses the other way, the metric shit. Looking at it how we do it, it it's like we overcomplicate everything that we do. Uh-huh. That's just the United States. I'm moving

Canada Talk, Gun Shopping, Scope Setup

SPEAKER_00 49:25

to Canada. I'm on free health care. They have free health care up there? Yeah.

unknown 49:31

Uh huh.

SPEAKER_00 49:32

I've heard everything else is super expensive. But, you know, I could I also don't think you can own a pistol up there unless you have a trap line. Really? Yeah. So you have to get rid of the three guns you bought in one day? No, it was shit, it was sweet. Yeah, it was sweet, wasn't it? Why don't we go gunshopping again? It's fun gunshopping with you. Why? Because it's fun when someone buys a gun. Like it doesn't matter who buys it, it's just fun like someone gets a new gun to look at it. Yeah, and I could have even got a better deal on my gun if you would have freaking spent money and bought a gun yourself. That gun. I'm still pissed about that. That gun. They wanted almost new price. Because it was almost new, they said. You look down the barrel. If they would have cleaned it before they put it on the shelf, maybe I would have. But they literally didn't even clean it. There was dirt and stuff. Cuz I'm not gonna buy a gun from someone who cares that little about that that gun I bought from there is actually my least favorite gun. It's a cool one to just go pop shots with, but I think it was the most inaccurate little bastard I've ever shot. I try like I couldn't hit the same spot three times in a whole clip. Uh-huh. I think if someone was running at you and you wanted to scare them, and do good. The revolver I got that day, that's probably the best one I bought. Yeah. That's most accurate. Well, that's what I was gonna tell you. I bought a scope for my 1022.

SPEAKER_01 51:11

Did you?

SPEAKER_00 51:12

Yep. But the the mounts are janky because I didn't get the right one. So I bought it at Walmart. Because I just wanted to quit get one on and just a cheap setup. Well, the damn guy, they have it, they have all the mounting brackets and the scopes in the cabinet. Well, we came over and just opened the door. Which one do you want? Like I feel like I didn't quit like look at it and like get the one I needed. I'm like, well, it looks right. So that's what I grabbed, and the screw holes don't line up. So each scope mount only has one screw. That's not gonna hold zero. Just order one on Amazon. I've shot it two different times and it has. I'd tighten the piss out of the screws. Uh I have a torque wrench and level scope leveling kit and all that if you wanna actually get like it's set up decent. I probably would. I bore sighted it and then Oh, I need to use your bore sighted. Do you have you want to take it home with you tonight? Well, I'll just bring like done next time. Alright. Well, you got a bore sighting? My three a week. Okay. There is a next time you're coming back? Yeah,

Next Week Plan And Sign-Off

SPEAKER_00 52:25

so there's guaranteed next week podcast. Okay, well, we have to make the episode 10. Uh next even number. Uh after that, I don't know. I could definitely see us going back to every other week. I think so. Cutting back. Not going back, we never did that, but cutting back. I could see it. It's it's not like a lot, but it is. Like one night, one night a week, and then if you have anything else that week. Oh, it's if we can get ahead again at one. I don't think it'll be feel so bad. Yeah. Suppose if we got ahead again, it would be easy to uh because tonight I wasn't even gonna have you come over tonight. You were like, well, we might as well. Uh-huh. Uh here we are. There's one for Thursday. Yeah. I'm pulling it off again again. Alright, Derek, you better go home and see your girlfriend. Uh she probably misses you. Probably. Or is she a fiance yet? No. Not yet. Coming soon? You shouldn't say that because her mom listens to this. Whenever we talk about Ray, you should be like, Derek. Derek. Derek talked about Ray. He needs to get one. Alright, good night, Derek. Good night. Now you got me.