10. When Does Growing Up Actually Start

A lifeguard’s whistle, a truck in a ditch, and a tornado watch outside the basement window. That’s the kind of night we’re bringing you, and somehow it still turns into a conversation about marriage, kids, and building a house like we’re responsible adults.

We start with the simple stuff: how the week’s been, what we’re doing this weekend, and why a casino trip sounds fun until you remember you’re trying to be “mature.” Then we rewind to one of our all-time favorite true stories, the day we went to a water park on a hot, hungover morning and gradually turned into the reason rules exist. Tubes, stoplights, lifeguards getting fed up, and the moment we realized we were probably not welcome back.

Listener questions push us into our funniest drinking stories, and they do not disappoint. One involves Crocs in the snow, a misunderstanding about moving a vehicle, and a steep ditch that nearly starts a real fight. The other is a rural-party classic that includes a barn, a window, and a pig that ends up way too close to the action. Along the way we get distracted by storm chasing, debate a Milwaukee battery-powered chainsaw versus gas tools, and share a weirdly wholesome travel story about Northern California and a tiny lodge run by a guy named Jethro.

If you like comedy podcasts with real friendship banter, small-town storytelling, and unfiltered conversations, hit subscribe, share this with a friend who has a “you had to be there” story, and leave a review so more people can find us.

Transcript

Catching Up And Weekend Plans

SPEAKER_00 0:02

How was your day, Tana?

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Good, how was yours?

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Pretty good. Haven't really talked to you the last couple days. You've been busy. You're supposed to be bailing, but Yeah. I don't see that many bails getting made.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

No, it's not been. I I made some last night. I was gonna make more tonight. You said we had to come do the podcast. So I came.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Yeah, Dara's trying to back out.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

Yeah. I was. Guilty as charged. I apologize. Oh, it was like Monday. I talked to you quite a bit. And then Tuesday and all of today. Like, Tommy left work. I felt bad at work today. I've seen you a couple times and I I think I barked some orders at you and I went the other way. Like I didn't say even hi, or how are you doing? Yeah, you didn't have much time. Oh, it's been busy. Good thing we came into the podcast so we can hang out. Yeah. We're gonna still got plans this weekend at all?

SPEAKER_00 1:04

You already forgot. Was that Friday night we're gonna do it?

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Oh, whatever you wanted. Well, I think Remy's out of town Friday night, so. Why you gotta go when she's out of town?

SPEAKER_00 1:17

I don't have to, but she she doesn't care for the casino as much as I do. I mean, not that I'm a huge casino fan, but I mean I'll spend like $50, maybe a hundred, hopefully win.

SPEAKER_02 1:30

You don't put it all on red?

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Yeah. No, I only do half. That way I at least can do a little bit of just hitting the button and watching the panda scratch his butt or butt scoot.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

Yeah, butt scooting. He starts butt scooting, that's when it's like you're good. You're good.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Well, what else are you doing this weekend?

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Anything? Well, I might well remember coming motorcycle. Get that all ready to go. Uh no. I guess Remy asked me last time supposed to smoke meat. They're doing like a company party thing. Kind of like our birthday party for the company. What day? Saturday.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

Dang it. I wanna go to water park there.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

Sunday I'll probably be open. I think. Water park on Sunday?

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Really? How about you don't jump on Drake shoulder? Yeah. Um wants a ride on your shoulder.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

He hopped on there last time. I think that was right when we got there. Yeah, right. He got on me like a little scarf.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

Um. Well, if you get time, let's go to the log party.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:55

I'd rather go on Saturday, but.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

Are you gonna get kicked out this time?

SPEAKER_02 2:59

Nope. We're not getting kicked out this time. What's the weather gonna be like? I gotta look at the weather first. Oh, so we can go without sideline. I don't know if we're loaded back there. 71 degrees that it's not that warm this weekend. Did we talk about

The Water Park That Kicked Us Out

SPEAKER_02 3:19

that?

SPEAKER_00 3:19

I don't think we have.

SPEAKER_02 3:20

We were just talking about it ourselves last weekend. Yeah. So we went to a water park a couple years ago. Well, I was when we were 18, so that's good. Yeah, we just graduated, I think. Yeah. And I don't know, we didn't go there with the plans of being degenerates. No, we just it was a hot day. We were like, oh, let's go to the water park, and we were probably a little hungover. Probably. And we started off fine. We we did the alpine slide, is that what that's called? Or yeah, like the little cart with the handbrake and we did that, we did that nicely.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

And then they had that thing where like you could jump off of a net or onto an airbag or something.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

We did the go-karts, we didn't even crash. When we got to the water park though, things changed. And they asked us to not they asked us to leave. I thought they said they didn't really want us back. We didn't abide by all the rules that day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

We didn't break anything though.

SPEAKER_02 4:27

No, we didn't break anything, we didn't hurt anyone. All was fine. They just didn't like what we were doing. And what we were doing wasn't even that bad. Like a slide where you need a tube, we'd go down without a tube. If you're supposed to go down one at a time and wait for the little stoplight or like the red and green light to change, we'd go down together. Wasn't that bad? No.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

I think my favorite part of that day is you and Hunter went down together and handed the and I was just about to fall, and the lifeguard blows her whistle, and I stop and I look at her. And she was so pissed at us at this point. She just said, just go. And so down I went.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

My favorite was the one side where like you slide down, then it's a pool, and then you go to the next slide, and you slide down, and it's a pool. It's like all the way down the hill. And you and Hunter were getting yelled at. I think that's when they said we had to leave. Yeah, that was when they like officially. These dude, their stop getting yelled at. Well, she didn't have us contain it, also. I just hopped on the next slide, went down next one, all the way to the bottom. I don't even know why she took after us. Because I don't think we were doing like that slide, you really couldn't do anything wrong. We were trying to stand up. That's what it was. She comes. This slide kind of follows the contour of the hill, also, so you could stand on the like hillside and still like see inside the pool. And she just comes running down, yelling, you guys gotta stop. And so Hunter and I stopped, and now it goes there, he needs to stop. She's screaming at us, yelling at him, and Derek just keeps on going. And then, yeah, they're like, You guys need to leave. And then what happened after that? Remy worked there, so that was before Remy and I were dating, just barely knew each other from school. And oh what was it? She they radioed to her that she was supposed to kick us out, and she since she knew us from school, was like, uh I'll kick them out. Like it was almost closing, so she's like, I'll wait till closing, and then just kick them out and say I did it. Well, then we convinced her to come down the water slide on us. So yeah, I think she got an asterisk that yeah, that was honestly a fun day. I think we uh we should go again, but not do that. No, I I think I'd just sit in the lazy river now. We're more mature than we used to be.

Glasses, Maturity, And Tattoo Ideas

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Right? Yeah, both of us are.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

Both of us?

SPEAKER_02 7:03

I have matured. Oh? I have you have matured. Look at your glasses. Well, yeah, it looks smart, bro. What's up with that? You've been wearing them. So I got oh, Wiley X's that are prescription. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

And so I wore those this week and whatever, and they didn't give me much of a headache. So I'm like, well, I'll try wearing my glasses again. Seems to be okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:27

I can't tell, like, depth perception and size is kind of hard. So like working, it's kinda hard. I don't know if you see me all the time. I look like this to see actually how big something is or how far away it is. When something is? I piss like that.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

That would flop that bad boy out. Does it look bigger or smaller?

SPEAKER_02 7:50

So stuff looks what is it? It's it looks smaller. Smaller but further away. Well, I'm not flopping out my wiener for you then. Or no, it's it looks closer but smaller, I think is how it is. Oh, every it's just hard to judge stuff. I'm not flopping out my wiener. Seems like it's getting a little better. I'm not doing it for you now. Why? Why would I? I think you should get a little tattoo of yourself above your wiener so it looks like your wiener on yourself, so it looks like giant. Yeah, just on the tattoo. You know the funniest part about it is I'm not a big guy that wants a tattoo. But if I get a tattoo, I either want it down by my wiener or on my ass. I haven't decided what I want yet. But if I ever get something, it's gonna be somewhere in those two locations. I think you know what you should do. I I think it would work good. You should get like a little monkey like peeking its head over a ledge. So every time your ass is hanging out, it looks like a little monkey's looking over your pants. I like the one I saw at Rockfest. It's where's Waldo? And he has sweat running off of him, and his foot stuck in the crack, and he's trying to like pry himself out. That was probably one of my favorites. You should get a tattoo on your ass. Made in America. No. No, you're not made in America. Yeah, well. You look like German or something. Well, I have German in me. Is that where the last name comes from? Do you have a little German in you?

unknown 9:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:28

Yeah, I'm gonna have a little German, ain't I?

The Truck Ditch Fight Night

SPEAKER_02 9:31

Well, Derek, we got a couple questions to answer here. Oh, this one's directed at me. What is Tanner? Well, I guess not. Derek can answer this too. And I'm gonna let you go first. Says, what is Tanner's funniest drinking story from high school? Now it's not really high school. I didn't drink in high school, it was just after. I guess we weren't technically graduated when I was hitting it hard. Yeah, because that it was in the winter, so it would have been like our senior year. It was our senior year. I lived on my own, I was done with school. Yeah. But we we hadn't graduated yet.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

So I think the funniest is I was talking about going to like a party where some other people were and stuff, and nobody else really wanted to. We were hanging out at a buddy's house. So whatever, we stayed there, drank and stuff. Well, the buddy that we were seeing at, his parents had to leave, and so I had to move my vehicle.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

Well, Tanner was way drunker than I was. He didn't quite know. You didn't know what was going on. I knew exactly what was going on. So I go to move my vehicle. Tanner thinks I'm going to this party, and he gets comes around. You can't drink and drive, you can't drink. Like, I know, I know. I'm just moving out of the way. So our friend's parents could leave. Well, I'm riding with you because if you're going anywhere, I'm going too. So I'm like, okay, whatever. That's fine. So I back down the driveway and park my truck out of the way so they can get out because they weren't ready to leave yet, but they were going too soon. So I park my truck. Tanner goes to get out, and he's wearing Crocs, and there's like two views. So he looks up. I can't walk in the snow with my Crocs. You have to bring me up to the house. I'm like, okay, I'll bring you up to the house. No big deal. I'll just back back down here. So I pull up by the house. And I'm like, okay, Tanner, get out. Nope. If you're leaving, I'm staying in here. I'm like, I'm not leaving. I'm just trying to park like 20 feet back. So I'm like, okay, I'm parking down there, but you're walking up in your cock. So I think I did it one more time. Back down. No, I can't walk in the snow. So finally I pull off. He still won't get out of my truck, so I was mad. So I punched it down to back up just because like I was pissed off. Like, why won't he get out? What do I do? And I think I was gonna just like pull off to the side so he was still on the driveway, like so he could walk. And it's a steep ditch. Well, my tires spun. I went down into the ditch, got my truck buried on the side of their driveway, and yeah, I was ready to kill Taylor. So, from my perspective, I remember none of the whole croc talk. And I was wearing crocs because our other buddy went out to another outbuilding and he took my shoes, and that's why I was in crocs. I had boots. And I come to and Derek is sitting like this, and he's just pissed. And I'm like, what is going on, Derek? And he's my truck is stuck in the ditch because of you. And we get out and we assess the situation. And I knew the truck is like leaning, like, so he's going like this. We're at kind of a lean to the side, and I'm just trying to figure out like, oh, what the hell just happened? And he is beat rat. Like, he is going to kill me. And I'm like, no, Derek, no, no. I got this. I run to my truck, walk her into four-wheel, come around, because they had kind of a beaten path through the yard. Come around, and I'm ready to hook up to his truck, and they're yelling at me, you're too drunk to pull him off. I'm trying to help out a buddy that's in a rough situation. That's allegedly my fault. So then I park again and I come walking back down, and he's still beat red. And I'm pretty sure you were drawn. Yeah, I was I thought you were gonna punch me. Well, then I won't, I'm like, we'll just leave my truck till like you know, it's out of the way, like whatever. And then our buddy's dad was like, Oh, you don't need a truck to pull you out. I can just drive that out. I'm like, no, we'll leave it, we'll pull it out in the morning. Like, just because it was kind of turning into a shit show with like Taylor not knowing what was going on. I was just pissed. I'm like, just leave my truck, it's fine, like whatever. Well, then he goes to try and get it out and gets it buried. He thought if he pulled a head, he could get it, and he pulled it like down into the swamp. And well, then I'm like, okay, now we need to get it out. Like, I'm too pissed. I need my truck out just so I don't have to worry about this. And it came right out, they hooked up. Yeah, once we hooked up, they came right out. Well, we had to pop it a few. If we would have just hooked up Tanner's truck right away and had someone else drive, probably, it would have literally just pulled right up. I unblast out, like I was back to life. And but they said I was too drunk. Well, I knew what was going on at this point. I knew that somehow, somehow, I put my buddy's truck into the ditch. I don't know how it's my fault, but it is. And yeah, now he's down in the ditch and he's yelling at me, and I'm trying to help him out. And but nope. That was that was that was a true, you know. Talk about true test of friendship that night. I never thought we'd ever get into a serious fight, but we were on the edge of it that night. Because I think I was pissed off that you were pissed off at me. Oh, yeah. I had no idea. I was pretty close. Well, I think you can I just didn't want you to drink and drive. I wasn't going to. I wasn't like this. I mean, I was just a back down the driveway, but I mean, like, yeah. That was not my final. I don't hear it. And then I was also so pissed about myself because it's like I could have just, you know, kept going back and forth, but I was pissed when I'm just like, ooh, hammer on it. That's I'm sure part of why. At least I don't drink here. Very rarely. Very rare. At least I'm a happy drunk. It's funny when you get drunk. Most of the time, except on South Dakota.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

They've got white girl in there.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

I don't know what was going on with the old knees, but I think every time I've ever jumped out of the crane, it was catching up to me out there. What were you wearing? You were wearing like, was it full-length sweatpants or were they pajamas pants? Pajama pants. Yeah, he had pajama pants rolled up to the bottom of his knee. Walker, oh my knees hurt, my knees hurt. They were like, it was so bad that you know when you're drunk, you normally don't feel pain through that. I felt it all, I couldn't even sleep that night. I was like, this ain't good. But we got over it.

Tornado Watch And Podcast Reality

SPEAKER_00 16:53

What's going on upstairs?

SPEAKER_02 16:55

Four mornings, I think.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Okay. I was gonna say we haven't got a page. Oh, yeah, we already got one.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

What? Well, I no pages came through.

SPEAKER_00 17:07

Oh, Gavin texts me back.

SPEAKER_02 17:09

What did he say?

SPEAKER_00 17:15

Oh no, he's tearing apart his truck, so sorry, Gavin.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

I'm sure you're gonna listen in the morning because you're one of our dedicated listeners. Speaking of that, you guys need to get hammered on the dedicated listening part.

SPEAKER_00 17:30

Yeah, views. Views are hurting.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

Yeah, they're hurting. They were doing pretty good for a while.

SPEAKER_00 17:36

It's all hard to tell though, because like every app says something different. The numbers don't really add up.

SPEAKER_01 17:42

Oh boy, I hope our power don't go out in the middle of it. They're about to get clapped.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

Oh, I wonder if I left my window open. We'll find out when I go up there.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

Do we need to make a pause?

SPEAKER_00 17:54

No, it'll be fine. I left it open the other day.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

Well, they put us under a tornado watch. You got your chainsaw? No, I'll have to go home and get it, though, when I'm done. Yeah. When you're done, the tornado's already ooh, tornado forming east of the county. Hmm. This could be interesting.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

V10 doesn't need a chainsaw, she'll just move through everything. We're gonna have to watch it.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Oh, I wanted a tornado and the No, Sweet W middle of the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 18:25

You just get a tornado. Wow. This is not a good podcast that it could play on our phone. I feel like lots of like the big people go on their phone like to look at. Yeah, they look at they look stuff up. Yeah, we're getting legit. We got something to talk about. A tornado would be kind of sweet. Just all the all the lights around us. The laptop would stay on, I think. Yeah, it's kind of batteries. Probably not for long, but all the all the lights around us show off and freaking roof blows on. Oh, do you man? We'd go viral for sure.

SPEAKER_01 18:59

We might have to go podcast.

SPEAKER_02 19:01

As long as our poster stays.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

Yeah, that's gotta stay.

SPEAKER_02 19:05

Oh, would you get a taped better? No, Adela did that. Wow. I was bugging her. Well, good job, Adela. Thanks for doing that. We should have been a dartboard. Throw darts at each other. Wouldn't that be something? That'd be fun. Are you using those dartboards where you can play darts with people like across the country?

SPEAKER_01 19:30

No.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

Oh yeah. It's a little video on the bottom, and it like records you throwing them, and then it shows up on your board. Yeah, I know a guy that does that, and he'll just sit in his garage, drink beer with his wife, play darts with people from like China and all over the place.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

Yeah, it's kind of cool.

SPEAKER_02 19:49

Should we get that?

SPEAKER_00 19:50

We should.

SPEAKER_02 19:52

We need to start like a family game night.

SPEAKER_00 19:55

Start playing darts with Chinese.

SPEAKER_02 19:57

Twister. Naked Twister.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

I'd only play with you.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

Okay, that's fine. We're gonna answer that question.

Marriage Timelines And Kid Talk

SPEAKER_00 20:09

When are you guys getting married and having kids? I don't know. Sometime in the future, I guess for me.

SPEAKER_01 20:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:18

I don't know. I was thinking we might as well pump them out. Pump your kids out.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

Well you have to pump them in, then.

SPEAKER_01 20:25

Yeah. I think we need to have a kid at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

I would think in like three-ish years. I don't know about that one. I guess I think I said this in the last episode. Our co-worker was talking about having kids.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:47

And you know what? He brought up a good point. Get it done while you're young. Both first have to get married. Why? Oh, aren't you supposed to get married before you're talking about it? I'm not, but you don't want to go to hell anyways. If you're gonna pay child sport, you might as well pay Alam. I'm just kidding, Rami will never divorce you. She probably divorced you. That's probably what'll happen. And then enough of this guy. Y'all, we've been together quite a few years now. Little ring on the finger, Derek. Her mom listens to the podcast, and like we talk about rigs every week, and so now she's like all obvious. She doesn't know if we're like hitting towards a ring. Come on, Louie, keep at him. Keep at him.

SPEAKER_03 21:40

Oh, I'd say three years give or take.

SPEAKER_02 21:45

Three years really isn't that long. Like it seems like a long time. But like if you think of what happened three years ago, it's like, oh, that wasn't that long. I mean. You know? The biggest thing is I want to try and get Either start building a house like either have a house built or have it start building or like be pretty close to the process of that when we get married and whatever.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

That way we'd have our own place. And it would be nice to do it get married like before we really start doing all that, but at least have everything like ready to go into the work.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

Why do you want to get married before you all do all that? Just for like finances.

SPEAKER_02 22:33

You know, in the state of Wisconsin, they told us once you get married, it's half theirs anyways.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Everyone we bought our land, they made that a special point to tell us.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

I'm kind of the same way. I'd like to have own a house of some sort before anything. That way, you know, the only person that can tell you to get out is the bank. Kind of got a fresh start in the place. Especially you guys living at home.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 23:04

You know. You know what though? Now's the time to have kids, Derek. You got a built-in babysitter. Your dad can watch your kid. Yeah, but can you imagine what those kids would turn on like? He raises me. Yeah, but I think he's gotten a little more forgetful from when he uh tried raising me. Really? Uh why? Oh, mean him. Your poor dad. I like your dad. So mine I'm saying three years, give or take. I can't put a time frame on it. Come on. Might wake up one morning and decide to just go to the colony court and almost get it over with. Maybe.

SPEAKER_00 23:52

You're gonna put a kid in here that same morning?

SPEAKER_01 23:55

Might as well.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

What if she wants a big white wedding? She doesn't. You don't know it.

SPEAKER_02 24:03

Every woman might say that. I don't know. At least I listen when she talks. Right? You know, looking at this, we might be in for a tornado. She's kind of hooking. Sorry, I'm distracted. I love chasing storms. So now there's a there's a second. There's a second part of this, but he asked this on the post, and then Well, do you want to say who asked her? Well, it's my uncle. Uncle Jason. You better be listening. He asked if he could ordain. Well, he asked if he could be the priest.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

And I said he could be the priest at my wedding. I'd be proud, even though I'm not related to him. But I'd be proud to have him be the priest, even though it's the ordained.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

But uh what would Remy Remy? I asked Remy about it, and she said no. So, Jason, if you're listening and Remy, you two will have to discuss it, and you know, you'll have to try and convince her because I think that'd be pretty fun. Guess for us, it's up in the air. I mean, just the stuff he says when he comes to the yard and what I see him about. I I imagine he's he does a pretty killer wedding. We need to have him on the podcast because he is a he's he's nutty. I tried convincing her. I mean, at least let him be the DJ. Like get him Spotify the hawks and see what he plays.

SPEAKER_01 25:27

Oh god, and a microphone so he can do that.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

Oh he's a he's one of the funnier guys I know. He's he's the most he's the quickest-witted person I know. That guy, my or your younger, my cousin asked how a deer got up on the wall. And he instantly fired back. Well, it jumped up there and got stuck. I'll never forget. Like it was she no more got done with her sentence and he said it. But the worst part was is she believed it. Well, that was we died laughing. Yeah, he's he's something. Uh like I said, for me, it's up in the air. Depending on how I get married. You know, the old Vegas might have to. If nothing else, you should at least get a picture of you under like the little whatever the horseshoe that you get married under. What are those called? The I don't know. You know what I'm talking about, like the flower thing? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

Yeah, that'd be funny. He'd be an interesting guy.

Uncle Lessons And Breakfast Trauma

SPEAKER_02 26:39

Speaking of my uncle, this is unrelated. When I was a kid, so this guy taught me a lot of things. He taught me my left and rights, and I don't remember how he did it, but we'd go to like the grocery store shopping and he'd do something funny. I can't remember that exactly, but he taught me my left and rights in a funny way. But then I was a gullible kid, and I'm still gullible. He made me believe that eating pancakes, waffles, and I believe eggs, like anything breakfast-y food that wasn't like cereal. It all did something. It all it put hair somewhere on your body that when you're a little kid, it kind of scares you. Like I think I I don't I can't say which exact spot, but it was like, for instance, waffles will put hair on your chest, pancakes will put hair on your nuts, like something will put hair on your ass, something on your armpits, and for the longest time I would not eat breakfast. Like wouldn't do it. I like I refuse to eat anything other than like cereal because I am, and then finally, I think it took until I hit puberty, starting puberty where I really didn't care. I didn't work because the hair was coming no matter what. You're like, fuck, I'm not even eating waffle. Yeah, literally. We just talked about this not that long ago. I don't know what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

The page.

SPEAKER_02 28:12

Yeah, I don't think that was us. Well, it'd be pretty bad if we were sitting down here and not going. Trying to look at the weather too. I don't know where this this tornado is. I told our boss today, I wouldn't line the tornado, and it would take the whole tin pile and just blow it away. And I wouldn't have to bill anymore. Yeah, because we'd be out in the field and picking it all back up. Give us something to do. What's with the chain?

SPEAKER_00 28:46

Oh, you ask us all the time. It's just a lot of things.

SPEAKER_02 28:49

Where's the chain like he lives in a trailer post and his wife?

SPEAKER_00 28:55

Is that better?

SPEAKER_02 28:56

Be better if you kind of went like this. And you look like a little cat boy.

SPEAKER_00 29:04

Yeah, that's better. What else can we do? I look like like a Mexican lobster. I feel like they always are calling shirt stuff. Really? Well good lobster button.

SPEAKER_02 29:21

Oh, I do hate on chains. I don't know. Have to add a little blank. Why? Why don't you add some ice to it then?

SPEAKER_00 29:28

Oh not flat.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

Where's the grill, fam? I don't know. I don't want to stay on. Yeah. No. I'll go home and then beat my wife. I don't know about that. I think it's all. I wonder if this thing can hear it. Oh. I don't know. That tornado ain't coming any closer. Where's it going? Oh, it looks like it's gonna go north of us if it's done. I wanted a tornado. I gotta get my lesbian chainsaw at the trees with it.

SPEAKER_00 30:17

Maybe it'll come right down how they like doing that. No.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

I wanna know everyone's

Battery Chainsaw Debate And Tool Takes

SPEAKER_02 30:24

opinion. I got a Milwaukee battery operated chainsaw, and Derek says that is my lesbian chainsaw. What does everyone think?

SPEAKER_00 30:34

They are nice when you need them, but like. You can't just have a battery chainsaw. Oh, would you drive an electric car?

SPEAKER_02 30:44

Oh. Exactly. Completely unrelated. A steel chain has like a diesel packup. How how is my electric chain spot like an electric vehicle? And why do I need a gas one?

SPEAKER_00 30:59

Because it's manly.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

Okay, who cares if it's manly? What there's there and like, so let's say the tornado comes. What you bring your three batteries with? Run out of battery? As long as the tree doesn't fall out of my truck, I got a 12, but I got a plug-in right in my truck. Plug it in, charge the battery.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

No, I guess I just like having a lot of things.

SPEAKER_02 31:20

You didn't think of that. All the gas. Well, well, that's because you drive clunkers and they don't have plugins for that kind of thing. That's what it is. You didn't think that far ahead. I got it all figured out. That thing is a badass machine. But what's even more badass for Milwaukee is the weed whip. I want a Milwaukee brand deal. I would sponsor the hell out of their weed whip. A a battery weed whip, I I would not mind.

SPEAKER_03 31:50

They're they're pretty good. Yeah, man.

Puking On A Pig And Other Chaos

SPEAKER_03 31:57

I don't know what's going on.

SPEAKER_02 31:59

I don't know. Should we do karaoke? I can run up there and no, because then I'm just stuck doing karaoke. Why? Oh.

SPEAKER_00 32:08

You would be good at karaoke. I'm killer at karaoke, at least. I think I am when I'm drunk. I don't like karaoke.

SPEAKER_02 32:17

You know what? We didn't talk about Derek's funniest drinking story. What's Derek's dress? Nobody has. I'm happy.

SPEAKER_00 32:25

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 32:32

Well, I have to think, uh Really, you can't just pop it off.

SPEAKER_00 32:38

No.

SPEAKER_03 32:38

Why? Oh. Drunk.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

Oh, I know what it is. What? We're at the same friend's house and we were up in the barn. And I drank quite a bit because I had a puke. And I puked out the window of the barn and the pig started eating the puke. And his mom came up and started yelling at me, the puking out the window, because the pig's eating the puke. And she no more like than finishes yelling at me.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

I'm like, uh-oh, I have to puke again. I look around, there's no garbage, he has nothing. So I run to the same window, I go and puke right on top of the pig. That's your favor. That's your funniest? That's probably one of my favorites. Not not riding a donkey. No. Not wrestling a pig. No. There was no puking on the pig. No. I think puking on the pig's my favorite. God. That's out of all the shit. That's what your favorite is. I think so. I think it's just so funny because she was like she was so mad at me.

SPEAKER_00 33:57

And then I go and make it worse, not even trying.

SPEAKER_02 34:01

Why'd you puke? Weak stomach, I guess. You don't have a weak stomach. I do. I have a hell of a party trip. One beer, and I will puke.

SPEAKER_00 34:17

No, I didn't puke much.

SPEAKER_02 34:18

And I was like, I mean, I was definitely drunk. Like, I was pretty fucked up, but like I've been way drunker and I'm puked, but. Well, Della just sent me this picture and she said this needs to be talked about. Oh, the camera picked that bad boy up. Oh, not really. That's Derek and I.

SPEAKER_03 34:42

Two studs.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

Yeah, you still have a beard now.

SPEAKER_02 34:53

Damn. I look pretty fly in that picture.

SPEAKER_00 34:56

You do.

SPEAKER_02 34:57

Or a white guy, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:59

You look like like a 40-year-old guy who's going to close on his third Airbnb or something. I wish.

SPEAKER_02 35:10

I wish I could have that many Airbnbs. That'd be nice. Yeah. I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you. Wow. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 35:19

You probably would be. We just wouldn't have to record it.

SPEAKER_02 35:23

Yeah. We're not getting paid for this. No, but that's our attempt to become wrecked. This is our how we're gonna blow up. This is how we're yeah, but I how are we gonna get famous? Two white dudes sitting in a basement. Maybe we're on the wrong website. I think I've watched that. We're on the wrong website.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

No, people are gonna keep liking these, keep sharing them. It's gonna blow up, can it? It's gonna blow up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:56

And what are we gonna do when it blows up?

SPEAKER_00 36:00

Videotape across the country goes to Pina Colada's in the ocean.

SPEAKER_02 36:05

I think you gave me pink eye just sitting next to you. Why? Oh, you just so gross. That's me. My eye it's just been scratching. I have been. You scratch it. Okay. Oh, don't talk about it. Don't touch me then. That's what I gotta talk to you about. It's morning I asked Gavin if he's ever been sexually assaulted. And he's like, no, I don't think so. He asked me, have you? And I said, yeah. Myself. And that kid died laughing. I wish he was getting angry after that, because I might even fucking tip over. I bet you sexually assaulted yourself. Tell you. Alright, I got it. Sexually assaulting yourself. Just because we're talking about going on a different website doesn't mean we have to start. There is a washing machine. No dryer. I can get stuck in the dryer. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 37:06

What am I gonna be, your stepbrother?

SPEAKER_02 37:09

Hey stepbrother.

SPEAKER_00 37:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:14

Oh hey, look at that! The shorts I ordered for a winner. Just shift. They screwed me over. You were supposed to be here today. And I got an email this morning said they were delayed.

SPEAKER_01 37:32

Just a bad day. Bad day in general.

SPEAKER_02 37:36

I wanna go to the bar. Do ya? Yep. Here we go. Also over caveat. What about work tomorrow? You can do it on over. I don't want to do I don't want to work on.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

Also over cave, we can go get the whole crew. I'll pick the whole crew up and we can.

SPEAKER_02 37:55

The whole crew? You all be hung over except for me. You look like the star employer. Actually, I'd hate that because I just mean. It would suck for you.

SPEAKER_00 38:07

But then like everyone else would just be like Yeah, everyone else would just be hung over and like not feeling it.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

Do you ever feel it? No. No. So we go on disability. No.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

It's tempting, but no. No. Would you get bored with life? I think so. And like disability, it's not like you make enough to like live a good life. You just make enough to live.

SPEAKER_02 38:37

Why do you want to live a good life? Oh, I'd rather work and you wanted to be a hole. I do, but I don't want to mooch out of the system to be a hole, huh? You just want to be a hole. I just want to be a hole. Really? So disgusting.

SPEAKER_00 38:54

What? How is that disgusting?

SPEAKER_02 38:56

I want I don't want to do it forever, but I think it'd be cool for like a year or two to just live on the streets on the ground. We're surrounded by power, air conditioning. Yeah. Why would you want to give that? I can't wrap it up. Because I could be swimming in a lake right now to say cool. Why don't we go swimming in a lake? Oh, because we have to do a podcast.

California Backroads And Meeting Jethro

SPEAKER_02 39:17

So lightning would strike us and kill us?

SPEAKER_03 39:19

Yeah. Might be worth it. Yeah? Well. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 39:32

How about this? I'll take out a life insurance policy on you. You take one out on me. I'll go play roulette. I don't think you can collect on suicide, can you? Why ought to be suicide? Roulette? No, like roulette with the storm in the lake. Oh. Not like roulette roulette. I'm like, uh, I think I I think that's considered suicide. No, I you go first. You we can use my nine mil. What about your nine mil? We'll play your what? No, I'm not going first. Why? I'm not stupid. No gun works. It goes bang. Yeah. Guns are bad. Oh, are they? Yep.

SPEAKER_00 40:19

Now we'll get some views because people hate on that and then other people love that.

SPEAKER_04 40:23

Yeah. You don't want it.

SPEAKER_02 40:25

Guns are bad. I'm only gonna do the little clips of it. I'm just gonna post a video everywhere of Tanner. Guns are I'm not even gonna finish saying it because I don't want I don't want a video of me saying it. Just a video of Tanner saying it. You want me to clip it so that way you can have it? Guns are good. Really? Not in California.

SPEAKER_00 40:47

Everything's bad in California.

SPEAKER_02 40:49

Do you know you can get cancer in California like twice as easy? All those little stickers are you know. In California, you get cancer with this. Good thing we're not in California. You live in California. No, I don't. I want to live in California.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

I was actually very impressed. We went to California when I was like, I don't know, 14 or 15, my family did. I thought the whole state of California was just like super liberal, super populated. Like I thought you were just in the city.

SPEAKER_02 41:18

No. Northern California is beautiful. Like the country and stuff. And yeah, we we met some people that were definitely not like liberal hippie Californians. Like they're pretty I mean it makes sense. Like Oregon's really nice. Honestly, that whole like from the Northern California outfit. It's like beautiful countryside. Not that I'm a sightseeing guy or nothing, but I I like going out there. That's where we should go out there. My favorite hotel or whatever you want to call it was out in California.

SPEAKER_03 41:54

Really?

SPEAKER_02 41:54

We went into was it King's Can? I don't know. One of the like state or national parks out there, but it was one road in, and then you turned around and it was one road back out.

SPEAKER_04 42:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 42:04

We were coming out and it was starting to get dark. And we drove by just this little I mean, that looked like maybe like a four-plex or whatever. And it had a vacancy sign lit up. So we turned around and stopped in there to ask if they had any rooms available. And the guy's like, oh, I think we do. Let me ask Jethro. He owns this place. His name was literally Jethro. Jethro? Jethro. So he goes out on the porch, hey Jethro, we have any rooms available? The guy comes rolling out from under the truck that's on Jack's stands with the parking lot. Yeah, I'll be up there in a second. So they go up there. He comes up. And I can't remember exactly what the price was, but it was like $400 if you uh used your card to pay for the night. If you do cash, we'll go to you for $100. Like, it wasn't even close. So we're like, yeah, we'll do cash. So you pay cash. And we end up sitting on the porch until like one in the morning, BSing with Jeff. I guess when he was younger, he was a hellion and ran from cops and stuff. And yeah, so we listened to him talk the most time, but we had so much fun then. He said, Yeah, there's continental breakfast, just go in that door over there. So it was kind of like the office, whatever we thought. So in the morning we go over there and yeah, just follow us back here. We go sit at it was his house. We're sitting at his like kitchen table, his kitchen there. He's opening the cupboards. Look at we have pancakes or waffles. I can make either of those. Open the fridge. We have orange juice and milk. I thought I could throw some coffee in the pot. Looks, oh, biscuits and gravy. We could probably make that. The sausage might have to follow. I mean, literally, it was just is how that was continental breakfast. I think we I think we had waffles that morning, waffles and bacon or something. Do you think Jethro's still around? I think so. I think it was the Snowline Lodge. I think it's the name of it. We looked it up when we got back because we were like, we have to go there again if we ever make it to California. It was so fun. We should take a trip just out to see if we can meet Jethro. Yeah, our door, our door didn't lock on the hotel room. So we were kind of like sketched out because, like, okay, I mean, super nice guy and stuff, but just kind of an odd situation, so it wasn't the most comforting. And then, yeah, everyone that stopped there, they'd let you sign your name in the hallway. So, like, you know, it had like a hallway that was open to the outside between the different rooms. Yeah, that was just covered with names, but really that was probably the most fun we've had staying at a hotel. It was just such a unique experience. I think we need to take a trip just to go out. I don't want to see this place. How many rooms were there? I think it was it was three or four, I think. Was there a pool? It'd be funny if there's like a little kiddie pool on it. He probably knows of a crook or something we could go to. I think it'd be even better if he had like a little kiddie pool. I'm sure like just the way that guy was, I'm sure he'd get a kick if we told him. Yeah, we came out here just to stay here. This thing has such good reviews. Podcast on the go. Yeah, I get Jeff

Wrap-Up And What We Need From You

SPEAKER_02 45:33

to roll on. Jeff Wolf. Well, honey, I think it's maybe a good time to under your okay. Not too long. Our subscription. I don't know if we have enough time to make long episodes. I don't remember what we're doing. A storm's coming. I got something in my eye that's really funny. Well, I guess it's a good time to wrap it up. Yep. So remember, like, share, follow us, follow and comment. Help us get out there. And hopefully next time we have a guest. Yeah, we're supposed to tonight. Sorry, Gavin again.

SPEAKER_01 46:18

If we can't make it next time, that woman upstairs, your woman, someone, we'll get someone up there.

SPEAKER_02 46:25

We gotta do it. We started by episode 10. Well, here's episode 10. We have pretty good. That episode. Alright, Derek. You better get your butt home shower and make a baby.