13. That Got Weird

We show up tired, slightly annoyed, and determined to record anyway, and that’s exactly how this one turns into a perfect Two Guys Off Script mess. The night starts with schedule guilt and jobsite heat, then swings into the important stuff: dinner plans, rediscovering seafood, and why a tuna sandwich can still be elite even if everyone makes fun of it.

From there we take a hard left into Temu, because nothing says “responsible adult” like filling your cart with mystery socket sets, magnets, and gadgets you may or may not recognize when they arrive. We talk about the pit bike itch, the Marketplace negotiation grind, and the hilarious logic we use to convince ourselves a too-good-to-be-true deal might actually be real. If you’re into blue-collar comedy podcasts, tool talk, and online shopping stories, this stretch is for you.

We also get real about podcast consistency, audio mistakes, and the only growth plan that makes sense for our attention spans: start cutting clips, post more, and maybe even vlog Florida like we’re actual creators. Expect side quests into work gear, TV recommendations, and a couple detours that absolutely earn the explicit tag.

Subscribe for more unfiltered conversations, share this with a friend who loves chaotic banter, and leave a review telling us: should we commit to TikTok clips or keep letting the rails fall off?

Transcript

Schedule Slips And Jobsite Heat

SPEAKER_03 0:03

Well, are you ready to do a podcast? No. You broke our schedule. I think once, but twice. We're just on the every other week trend now. Yeah, I think we're on the every other week trend.

SPEAKER_04 0:19

I apologize to everyone that was excited for the weekly podcast that didn't get on. I think it's just every other week at this point.

SPEAKER_03 0:31

Yeah. You're unreliable. Yeah. Yeah. You are. We've had to do it different nights because of you before. Once. Pretty sure. Twice. But we still got a podcast done. What was I doing last week? Why we didn't get one? Yeah. You went to your niece's birthday. Oh, yeah. Since you've become a family man, you are the most unreliable man in my life.

SPEAKER_04 1:00

Except I don't know that Dalton, my oldest brother, he listens every week. So can't believe that. Why? Because my brothers aren't anything like me. Make sure I haven't talked too much shit about him.

SPEAKER_03 1:17

I don't think you've ever really brought that up. No, I don't think I have. The genetic COVID definitely ran downhill as you got to think. Like it got worse. Just kind of slowly just mountain stone. Your dad must have backed out earlier.

SPEAKER_04 1:36

I just figured like the mail industry was kind of declining, so they had to get worse than worse mailmen. You know. You know, the mailman was top tier, and then yeah, they just slowly went worse.

SPEAKER_03 1:51

That's my theory. That's so mean to your mom. She burned you. Were you a big baby? No, I was the smallest one of us. Really? All three of us.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Damn.

SPEAKER_01 2:07

I think I don't know what I was. Seven pounds some ounces or something? Wow.

SPEAKER_03 2:11

Really?

SPEAKER_01 2:11

It's like an average size thing, maybe a little small.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

Yeah. You look like you're pregnant right now.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

Oh, says you.

SPEAKER_04 2:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

I am. Are you the baby elephant? You want to see the trunk?

SPEAKER_01 2:23

No.

SPEAKER_03 2:24

Why?

SPEAKER_01 2:27

I don't have my glasses on.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

What are you doing? You got my legs itchy. You got the clap or something?

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Oh, my legs itchy.

SPEAKER_03 2:33

Why is it itchy? Because I sweated all day. Why?

SPEAKER_04 2:38

Uh, because I don't get to sit in an air-conditioned crane all the time.

SPEAKER_02 2:41

Well, I did not sit in it all the time.

SPEAKER_04 2:43

Oh, for 20 minutes twice today, you had to sit in a crane that didn't have air conditioning.

SPEAKER_03 2:48

No, I started out the morning, you know. And I got I got in that thing a lot today. Which is way hotter than outside.

SPEAKER_04 2:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:57

So I don't want to hear nothing. And I helped you quite a bit today. So I don't want to hear no okay. Who's leaving at the end of the week and not working? Me. Yeah, exactly. I'm using my PTO. Nothing. It feels like a hundred degrees. It's not even that bad.

SPEAKER_04 3:15

Probably felt like 72 in your crane. 63. 63. I know I got in there to go through that one load when you were in the hot crane.

SPEAKER_03 3:25

I was hoping that was when it was doing its like humid, hot air flowing thing. Does that periodically? I was hoping that was gonna do that to you, so that way you wouldn't. Asshole. Why? I don't want you to think I have a two-cush in there. I don't know. It was actually the AC and that crane was running good today. That is in there as cold. Yeah, it it was cold every time I got in it today. Normally it's not like that. It kind of goes up and down. But it was ice cold today. I think we need a maintenance can the summer just to work on air conditioners. Because the magnet's not working right now. Yeah, that's hot. Surprised you still wanted to get in there that much. Don't care. I'm tired. Same. Why? Go to bed.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

No, we have to do our podcast.

SPEAKER_03 4:20

We got dinner tonight. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:25

Was she offended by it?

SPEAKER_03 4:26

I don't think so. It's no walleye, but it'll do. Oh. I love beef rolls. Neaty man. You are a needy man.

Rediscovering Seafood And Tuna Loyalty

SPEAKER_03 4:43

Speaking of of fish, I found a new love for seafood again. You know how I hated fish time? Oh, we she made fish the other night. And then we went out for fish frog on Friday night. I had shrimp a couple weeks ago. Like I've been digging it again. Try Ahi tuna. What is Ahi Tuna?

SPEAKER_04 5:04

Tuna? Like steak, tuna steak? It's good.

SPEAKER_03 5:09

Tuna stick. So whoa, tuna. I am glad you brought that up. My favorite thing on sandwiches is tuna. And everyone makes fun of me for it, including you. I've never made fun of you. Yeah, when I went to Subway. I've made fun of you because you don't like fish, but you eat tuna. No you told me it was gross that I get a tuna sandwich at Subway. Nah, I love tuna sandwiches.

SPEAKER_04 5:34

I mean, I guess at Subway that's kind of weird. Why don't you just make a tuna sandwich at home?

SPEAKER_03 5:38

Because you can't get the jalapenos and the pickles.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

Yeah, you can.

SPEAKER_03 5:42

That's a lot of extra stuff. It's on the menu. I suppose. Tastes good. So we can bond over tuna.

SPEAKER_04 5:53

Oh. Yeah. Do you ever just eat the like canned tuna?

SPEAKER_03 5:58

No, but I chicken of the sea? No, I get the little tuna creations in the packet.

SPEAKER_04 6:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:05

Ah, it's really good. Like hot buffalo, that's my favorite. Tuna. I might have to stop at the store now. I haven't had tuna for a while. I probably have tuna a couple times a week. It's really good.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

It is.

SPEAKER_03 6:21

I really like shrimp again. So aren't you into making shrimp?

SPEAKER_01 6:24

Grilled shrimp I've been making. Pretty good.

SPEAKER_03 6:28

I might have to come over and try some shrimp. And then, you know, eventually I want to work my way up into like some crab and a little lobster and then, you know, maybe some what's the what's it called? Mahi Mahi. Mahi Mahi. That's a dolphin, ain't it? Pretty nice. I don't know. I got it in Florida, is all I know. Is it Mahi Mahi a dolphin? Did you eat a dolphin? I'd eat a dolphin. Ma? I don't even want to spell it.

SPEAKER_04 6:57

Alright there. We should do that when we go to Florida. Just try and find some like crazy seafood down there.

SPEAKER_03 7:05

I want to try a bunch of seafood down there. Like that is my goal. We should go to like Louisiana.

SPEAKER_01 7:10

That's probably better for finding.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

I don't know if I'd go that far. So Mani Mahi is a dolphin fish, but it's not an actual dolphin. I can't believe you ate that, bastard. Look at that thing. Those things are cool looking. Yeah. Kind of look like you. Yeah, fuck you. Oh. Wait, we can swear on this. Yeah. Asshole. That was kind of a harsh word there, I said. Sure.

SPEAKER_04 7:45

Hello? You're on speaker on the podcast. Are you coming over to Tanner's? Okay. You want anything uh said on the podcast while you're on the phone? Oh, okay. Well, we'll see you in a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 8:22

Well, you're such a gentleman.

SPEAKER_04 8:23

Sorry for the interruption, guys. That was embarrassing.

SPEAKER_02 8:27

Stop it, mom. Don't call me mom.

SPEAKER_04 8:30

Remy is still gonna slap me for saying that.

SPEAKER_03 8:32

Really? Uh probably not. You're such a sweetheart, but no one knows that. Can be. You can be also.

SPEAKER_04 8:41

I mean it's mammy because I always like I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm always mean to you. Because like I grew up with two brothers. Like, so you know, I've you're just like, whatever. I was like, I'm sorry, I'm still meeting you, and then like two seconds later, I'm doing something again. It's like I thought you were gonna start being nice to me.

SPEAKER_03 8:58

No, you're just not a nice person. No.

SPEAKER_04 9:01

I am deep down.

SPEAKER_03 9:05

If you dig deep enough, you find out I'm I think I think you're a nice person in the middle here. All right, you're an asshole at the surface. Nice person middle, like you can be nice. And deep down you're like Jeffrey Dom, you're like fucked up shit.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

No, I wouldn't go.

SPEAKER_03 9:22

Edge.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

No.

SPEAKER_03 9:26

Yeah. You love Ed Gean. You're like Ed Gean Jr. I don't love Ed Gean. I just feel bad. He had a mental condition. He just needed a friend, but nobody wanted to be his friend, so he had to kill people. Well, minus the part of killing people and digging up graves that pretty much something like friendship like.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Everyone everyone thinks like that Edgeing killed so many people, whatever. He really didn't kill that many people. He dug up more graves than he killed.

SPEAKER_03 9:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

He just did fuck shit with their bodies. So I mean Edgein was a fucked up person, but not really. All he needed was a friend to show him the right ways to not dig people up and make furniture out of them.

SPEAKER_03 10:14

I don't feel like you need a good friend to to guide you in that direction.

SPEAKER_04 10:21

I guess I don't. I'm literally going off the Edgeen like movie and like just showing how like messed up he was in that.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

I don't know what he was actually like. Like I said, it thumbs up our friendship. My friend was like the the challenge kid. Oh, says you.

SPEAKER_04 10:41

When you first moved to Amory. What? I was I was the nice kid, you know.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

Yeah, the butterball and the car of hearts.

SPEAKER_04 10:50

You know, be nice to this kid. Since his mom would lay out his outfit for him.

SPEAKER_03 10:57

So so you're nice to me for what? One year? And you're just a tool? I I'm always nice. Are you? Well we should do a drunk podcast.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

Should we do one when we're in Florida? Drunk podcast from Florida.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

I think we could do it on my phone. Got the little app. I got some little stupid little things, which brings me into my next topic here. But what were you gonna say?

SPEAKER_04 11:30

Well, I was gonna say if the audio's not good, that might help us. Because then like if we say something bad, we can be like, ah no, that's not what I said. It's just bad audio.

SPEAKER_03 11:41

Oh,

Temu Tools And The Pit Bike Gamble

SPEAKER_03 11:42

okay. Which brings me into Timu. If anyone out there's never deep dived into Timu, I highly recommend it. That is the best commerce website, e-commerce website I've found. What?

SPEAKER_04 11:56

Big Timu guy now.

SPEAKER_03 11:57

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 11:58

Today Tanner was we were picking a loan, and he's like, wait guys, I only have what was it, like 12 minutes left to get your free item off of Timu?

SPEAKER_03 12:07

Yeah. So go here. You want to know what I bought off a Timu in like last yesterday? What'd you buy? Oh well why do I have my shopping cart full? Um hang on, I gotta figure out how to find that. Uh I don't think I've ever bought anything off of Timu. I know I have it on here. Okay, so I I got I got a weird socket set. Now, this is not what it's actually gonna be, because you never really know what you're gonna get with Timu. But if I got that bad boy, that'd be pretty badass. For eight dollars? Yeah. Which I don't think that's what I'm gonna end up with. We'll find out. It was eight bucks. Okay. And then oh shit. I'm so smart, I bought two sets. And what how bad can it be? See the problem with Timo is like you gotta read the fine print, and even the fine print is like six seven. Then I bought a little lap. Wait, what did you just say? Six seven. Oh, I fell off. Is that how you're supposed to use it? Yeah, it's like it's I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 13:27

It's just six seven.

SPEAKER_03 13:29

Yeah, literally.

SPEAKER_04 13:30

I want to punch you in the nut.

SPEAKER_03 13:32

Don't worry, Adela, I'll do it once you listen to this. Then I ordered that cute little ladder. We'll report back and uh standard crushes like that. Then I got a kneel of those players. And then I got I think a socket extension and adapter kit. How much is that? Uh that was 17. Hopefully that one's legit. No, that one better be legit. But the pictures on this one look pretty good. So I think I good odds on that one. And then I got a magnet like you got.

SPEAKER_01 14:10

You make fun of me for my magnets.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

Well, I thought you were clever with that thing.

SPEAKER_01 14:15

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 14:16

And then I got a little ear knock. Stick magnets.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

Extendable. If you're watching the video, you can see, so that way I can check stuff if it's steel from a long ways away.

SPEAKER_03 14:25

See, like that gets you with all these free gifts on here, but and some of them are genuinely free. Okay. Some are, but then some you have to like pay so much and I don't know. It's dumb. Like, I just got three free dollars. See, I got a free item, but it it tells me I have to spend ten plus dollars to get a free um free item. Okay. Which I don't want to spend ten dollars to get like a stupid little crescent.

SPEAKER_01 14:58

Oh yours gonna be like Bob the Builder. No, you have all the duels.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

I know. I Timu is so that's like the best thingy. What?

SPEAKER_04 15:09

I hope I can't wait to see whether these come, and it's just gonna be like a little container with many sockets in there. Or it'll be like like it won't be a quarter inch, it'll be bigger than a quarter inch, but it won't be three-eighth inch drive, it'll just be like it's a little Timu song. I I think you should do that Timu tool unboxing.

SPEAKER_03 15:37

Alright, that'll be the next.

SPEAKER_04 15:38

I mean, you can buy my excavator on Timu, I'm pretty sure.

SPEAKER_03 15:41

Yeah. So what stemmed my Timu deep dive yesterday is that Dela and I want pit bikes. But I've been battling with people on the marketplace, and yeah, I can't get them down low enough to the point where I feel like I'm getting a good deal.

SPEAKER_02 15:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:58

And so I'm like, what about the little like Coleman ones that you can buy at like tractor supply? I don't want to pay for one of them because they're like pretty expensive for what they are. They're kind of junk.

SPEAKER_02 16:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:09

So you can buy them on Timu. But I'm nervous to buy one on there because I mean it's like $300 for one. So you're really it's not that bad, but like at the same time, if you got like a picture of one, it would kind of suck.

SPEAKER_04 16:24

Oh yeah. Yeah, that would be, I mean.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

The reviews are good.

SPEAKER_04 16:28

Huh.

SPEAKER_03 16:31

Uh if I had your money, I could do it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:39

If I had your money.

SPEAKER_03 16:40

Well. It's bringing me back to the pit bike thing. Do you want to make some money? Do I wanna make some money? Yeah. Doing what? Take your lawnmower and load me some trails on my land. Uh, my lawnmower's out of commission. Why?

SPEAKER_01 16:55

One blade fell off.

SPEAKER_03 16:56

Weld it back on.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

I've already done that like a bunch.

SPEAKER_04 17:00

And all the bearing since I welded, all the grease came out of the bearing. And there ain't really grease sparing because the grease circus broke off of it. Okay. And so now the bearing's pretty much seized up also.

SPEAKER_03 17:14

What kind of deck is it off? Errons, I think. Oh, sure. You can't get like a tub cadet. No, I'm sorry, that's all that came into the jump card. Not like we work at a place where mower parts come in every day. Yeah, but someone's in too big of a hurry, he throws them all up in the pile. Well, I guess you don't want to make $100 to go mower trail. I'll get my push mower going that I have sitting at the junkyard. I I don't think that would be enjoyable. Oh. I just want a couple trails to go through with the pit bike. Well you can I can throw a carburetor and my four-wheeler. Now you can ride with us.

SPEAKER_04 17:53

Okay. Why don't I just get the mini bike that I took from the junkyard and get that going?

SPEAKER_03 17:58

You have a mini bike from there?

SPEAKER_04 17:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:00

Well, what are we waiting for?

SPEAKER_01 18:03

Because when I got it running, it doesn't it revs up on the stand, but as soon as you put a load behind it, it doesn't

Audio Panic And Posting Consistency

SPEAKER_01 18:10

rev.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

Uh-oh. It came unplugged.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_03 18:15

Oh, some point. Oh yeah, look at that.

SPEAKER_01 18:18

Your cat.

SPEAKER_03 18:19

Do you imagine I thought would have been it?

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Fucking Burton or any of the two cats. Unplug everything.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

No, we almost had no audio again. Also, I think I I guess I can't say a thing. I hope the audio is okay. This one. I think I've been making a mistake. The previous episodes.

SPEAKER_04 18:39

I'm gonna kick you in the nuts if this one doesn't have any audio because we did something different.

SPEAKER_03 18:44

If this one doesn't have any audio, I think two guys lost script is no longer. Every it will be tri-weekly. Tri-weekly. We can do it monthly. God, did you imagine?

SPEAKER_04 18:58

Nobody will listen. Like I feel like even every other week is enough that like people kind of forget about it by time.

SPEAKER_03 19:05

You guys have to remember. I'm gonna get better. I'm gonna try to make some clips out of this. I'm gonna take it serious again.

SPEAKER_04 19:14

I'm gonna give a shout-out to I don't even know their names, but Remy's mom said that there's guys at her work or that she used to work with or some that don't even know us, but they listen to the podcast religiously. And one of them was asking her like why we didn't post the one week itself.

SPEAKER_03 19:29

So thank you, you guys, for it's actually surprising to some of the people that listen to it. Except she said the one day it was on like uh the radio at work.

SPEAKER_04 19:38

So then it's like all the guys are listening and it's only given us one view. Yeah, gotta listen on your way to work. Yeah, I don't know, I won't complain.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

It's at least one more lesson.

SPEAKER_03 19:48

Yeah, that's good. I can tell you the the following, like people following us has slowed down doing bi-weekly. Has it? Yeah. Like crawling, really like it was crawling before an hour, like really crawling. I don't know how the views are doing. I guess you know we could do a little check-in on that. I feel like an old guy, like looking way back. Yeah, views are down too.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Shame.

SPEAKER_03 20:21

I know we're still getting like random ones every once in a while. Like just randomly a day. Let's see. That would probably be a podcast date. Everyone's gotta go look and see on our most you know, if we post anything, but we don't. I think we we're falling off. I think we need to start making TikToks, get a following on TikTok, and then Well, that's I'm gonna start making clips again. Yeah, but we need to do other stuff for TikTok. Okay, we I've tried. Remember when you were doing the the wop dance at work? Uh huh. Tried to make a TikTok then, but no, I don't want to make video. You wouldn't join me.

SPEAKER_04 21:09

I oh my god. And even if you would have joined me, you wouldn't have done it right.

Yogurt Pants And Workplace Roasts

SPEAKER_04 21:16

Why do you have white stuff on your deck?

SPEAKER_03 21:18

Oh, I spilled yogurt.

SPEAKER_04 21:20

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 21:23

That yogurt, that that grape value. So, you know, I say there's no difference between grape value and like name brand stuff.

SPEAKER_05 21:33

No.

SPEAKER_03 21:34

The the yogurt I was eating, that like name brand, I don't even know what what it is versus the great value. The great value is like soup. And then I opened it, it just splashed all over me.

SPEAKER_01 21:46

Sounds like an excuse. For what? Oh, you're probably cranking your hog and started going western.

SPEAKER_03 21:56

Why would I be cranking my hog in my work pants?

SPEAKER_01 22:00

Oh, that's a question for you. You're the one with sploogge all over your pants. It's not splooge.

SPEAKER_03 22:05

Looks like it. You you probably sploged yourself. No. You probably shit yourself. Probably. Could you imagine what in-between your legs smell like right now?

SPEAKER_01 22:17

No.

SPEAKER_03 22:18

That's profile. Because I don't think I've shit today. Can we start an OnlyFans and sell like your underwear? Like people buy girls' underwear. I wonder if one would be like dirty enough to buy Derek. They probably won't buy them for themselves. They just ship it to a random address. Why have we never thought of that?

SPEAKER_04 22:39

I think we should start sending letters that like you're gonna get a pair of Derek's underwear unless you send us $10.

SPEAKER_03 22:54

No, we just randomly send people underwear of yours. No, why not your underwear? No, because my underwear aren't nearly as bad as your underwear. Yeah, but I have caterpillar underwear. You can't just get those everywhere. Yeah, that's true. Old caterpillars. Where did you buy them? Farm and fleet? TJ Maxx when I get some. TJ Maxx? No. Really? They don't sell them at Farm and Fleet?

SPEAKER_01 23:16

I haven't seen them there. Oh. Caterpillar underwear, Caterpillar.

SPEAKER_03 23:22

So I don't have my caterpillar stocks on that. I'm surprised they don't wear caterpillar boots.

Boot Talk And Questionable Side Hustles

SPEAKER_03 23:28

I used to. They suck. Yeah, they're okay. Oh, I'm wearing the worst boots. I didn't mind though. I'm 50-50 on Ariot or Brunt.

SPEAKER_01 23:37

Brunts are pretty good, but I my last latest pair is Carhartt. I actually like those.

SPEAKER_03 23:44

I worked harh for a while. I didn't feel like I got as long out of the car hearts as like like Ariot lasted probably the longest next to Brunt.

SPEAKER_01 23:52

Now that Justin torches all the time, that's way easier on boots. Torching's hard on boots, getting them that hot and putting fires out on the feet.

SPEAKER_03 24:00

Yeah. That's true. I suppose always wear out though.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

Yeah, that's because you do a lot of stuff on your knees. You would know.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

Why would I know?

SPEAKER_03 24:15

I don't know. Think about it.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

I've never had you on your knees.

SPEAKER_03 24:20

Why? Why not?

SPEAKER_01 24:22

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 24:24

You just you couldn't handle your skill. Scared you'd think it was a hot dog and bite. Uh I wonder how bad that would hurt. Well, one way to find out. Let's say you go first, but then I I don't really want I don't want to have your wiener in my mouth. I don't want my wiener to get bit off. But you want your wiener in my mouth? No. I don't want my wiener in your mouth or your wiener in my mouth. I think you're kind of gay. You did say you're bicurious on a podcast for the whole world to know. Yeah. We gotta re refresh everyone's mind to that. That's why I went down this rabbit hole. Also your large testicles. My large testicles. Gavin asked me today if my balls hit the toilet water, which they don't. But then he's like, are they clothed? Now I'm curious. Ain't they think they come?

SPEAKER_01 25:28

Oh, before you shake, you'll just have to kind of feel down there and like just give her a little back and forth until your hand gets wet.

SPEAKER_03 25:38

Maybe in the mornings. Oh wait, that would be my wing. Long meeting mornings too. My balls are probably really staying right now.

SPEAKER_04 25:56

Good thing you're wearing long pants where they'd probably be hanging out.

SPEAKER_03 25:59

Be like that movie bad brand to walk around and his balls are staying. You probably never seen it. No, I've seen parts of it. I don't know how you've gone this long in life without seeing these like very important movies.

SPEAKER_01 26:16

No, I just don't watch movies that often.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

We were talking about Ice Cube today. Have you ever seen Rhylon?

SPEAKER_01 26:23

No.

SPEAKER_03 26:26

Have you seen Forest Gulp?

SPEAKER_01 26:28

Yeah.

unknown 26:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

You asked me this last time, I think.

SPEAKER_03 26:33

We're talking about Super Troopers, I thought.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

But then you that's moving Forest Gump before Ellen Pocket.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

Trying to think of other I don't. Because that's like everything. Every everyone should have seen Forest Gulp. Trying to think of another movie that's like Must Feed. You've never seen Tad?

SPEAKER_01 26:54

No.

SPEAKER_03 26:56

Man, there's so many good movies you guys know. He just too did. That was you. No, it wasn't. Why'd you like let a little squeaker out?

SPEAKER_01 27:08

Why don't you just I tried pushing, that's all that came out. Why would you push a fart?

SPEAKER_03 27:15

Because otherwise you get a tummy ache. Well just like let a butt your butt the whole kind of No, because then you don't know if the whole thing came out or not. You just fucking give her a little push, it comes out. What if you shit your pants in the process?

SPEAKER_01 27:27

Oh, I'd probably just steal a pair of yours.

SPEAKER_03 27:30

No. Because then you'd shoot my pants.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

I'd go crawl in your shower, wipe the shit off my ass, let it stomp it through the drain.

SPEAKER_03 27:40

That shower is scary. Why? Is that the one you had to stomp your shit through the drain? No. No, I've never had to stomp my shit through the drain. Mine was not solid like yours. Mine was not solid. It was literally color and texture of peanut butter. I didn't know shit could be that sticky. Imagine taking peanut butter out of a grease gun and just filling your pants with it. That's really funny. I've seen your shit, so I know it's that bad. Okay, but peanut butter consistency is damn near to the clay consistency. So at least two instances of like it's fucking like weird consistency.

SPEAKER_01 28:46

What can you say?

SPEAKER_03 28:48

What can you say? It's because I ate a full pound of beef turkey. Doesn't that make you fat? Oh. Fine enough. Fine enough?

Diet Plans For Florida

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Fine enough.

SPEAKER_03 29:06

Why wanna diet with me and get that beach pod going?

SPEAKER_01 29:09

No. Why? Because if I lose weight right now, I'll like give up by the time we go to Florida. And I'll just gain it all back. So I asked her like a month before I.

SPEAKER_03 29:19

I told Adela I'm gonna try to diet all until December. Minus my mom's wedding, and like so there's several events. My mom's wedding, my birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

Tuesdays and Thursdays.

SPEAKER_03 29:32

What's Tuesdays and Thursdays?

SPEAKER_00 29:34

Oh, I just figured you probably wouldn't die Tuesdays and Thursdays.

SPEAKER_03 29:37

And if we start going for Friday night, fish fry.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

A couple days a week you'll die.

SPEAKER_03 29:45

Yeah. I've been pretty good. I've made it like a week and a half. Good for you. That's that's impressive. You lost any weight? Yeah, I lost 10 pounds. Awful. Oh it's slow progress from here. But by the time we go to Florida, I should be able to just eat all day, every day, and drink all day every day, and not Are we gonna get pina coladas in the morning again? Oh yeah. Like every day.

SPEAKER_01 30:17

Every day, pina coladas.

SPEAKER_03 30:19

Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't know. To me, I want to see things, I want to do things, I want to be a beach bum. Like, I want to just be a vacationist. Wonder how long my hair I'll get by then if I look like a beach bum. You're not gonna cut it before then? Nah. You crazy ball.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

I'm not trimming my beard till spring. Well, trim up like the neck and whatever, but I'm not cutting it till spring.

SPEAKER_03 30:44

Why? I want to see a line. I don't think it'll grow that long. Like this, I haven't really trimmed it up since this spring when I did it. I think the thing I've been gonna grow most lately is right here. So these fuckers. When I can start eating them with my food, that's when it's fine to trimle. That does suck. Or it gets caught in a pop can. I don't have that issue.

SPEAKER_01 31:08

Every so often I'll get like, you know, like where the tab is, it'll like hook in there if you have like one hair weird and you'll go to pull the wheel.

SPEAKER_03 31:18

I'm glad you didn't see me eating my yogurt for lunch today. I spilled some on my pants and I had it taped in my mustache. They're like salt. You're just bringing up the yogurt again. That way you cover up that it's not split. It's not split. Yogurt, the yogurt. Whose spludge would it be? Your own. How would my own spluth be on my mustache? That's not a question for me. I'm not like one of them Olympic freaking spermers that can shoot at a cost through. You know what I'm talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. You do all I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

They shoot it at a cosmeroom?

SPEAKER_03 31:58

I don't know about the cost room.

The Unhinged Internet Record Rabbit Hole

SPEAKER_03 32:01

Shoot it pretty far.

SPEAKER_01 32:03

I can't remember what the numbers were, but I remember the one time I saw a thing about like the world record speed of cum or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 32:11

And it was like it was like driving speeder faster is when it came on it. I was like, oh what the fuck? Like can you like I wonder if the guy obviously had trained for it or like he had a condition or something because like they recorded it. But like could you imagine if like it could just happen like you're going to town or something with everyone yourself or when they're involved, and all of a sudden you're like 90 mile an hour fastball hurt like coming out. I wonder if it's like not like the powerful water guns how they don't really hurt, but like you can really feel the point just in the back of their throat. We get done with some. You want to look up this record? No, no, no. I don't I don't want to look at it. Yeah, I can't remember what it was, but it was like pretty fast.

SPEAKER_01 33:08

Whether it was true, it's like a Facebook was filmed.

SPEAKER_03 33:14

What is the world record of her sperm? There's no official penis world record entry. But oh fuck. Oh yeah, no, that's a lot of reading. Well, this is distance. So people can't shoot across this through. Because so this isn't a world record, but internet lore claims a man named Horse Schultz holds an unofficial record for a Jet of Siemen reaching a distance of 18 feet nine inches. Oh, that's ins that says ejaculating nine times in one day, okay. Says yes, ejaculating nine times in one day is generally physical. Well, I think that's worse. Can I really sperm all the times a day? This is definitely Derek's search history than like 14 minutes. That was you too. No, you can't do it 100 times a day.

SPEAKER_01 34:27

We were getting nervous for you at work before you met a doll up. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_03 34:34

That's not a left. Is it there's a lot of weird shit that obviously look up? Like right here, the suggestion. How far can a man shoot sperm? What is the world record for sperm? Can a man last for two hours? How long does sperm fully refill? Is it okay to eat sperm daily? Is it normal to come in two minutes? Is sperm 100% protein?

SPEAKER_01 35:02

Is sperm 100% protein?

SPEAKER_03 35:04

I guess now you gotta no, it's not. And is it okay to eat daily? Yeah, it's generally safe to ingest sperm daily. So you were my new come dumpster.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

No.

SPEAKER_03 35:21

I don't know how we just got on to that. That's an interesting one. We'll have to mark it like uh PG13 or whatever on this episode. Uh yeah. I normally don't do that, so that we kind of get out there to everyone, but this one probably should be exclusive.

SPEAKER_05 35:46

Why are you looking at?

SPEAKER_03 35:49

Oh, your wily X's?

unknown 35:51

No.

New Glasses And A Wild TV Find

SPEAKER_03 35:52

You haven't bought me a pair yet. I haven't. Why are them thick?

SPEAKER_01 35:57

Do you mean them thick? They look thick. Like the lenses? Yeah. It's their prescription.

SPEAKER_03 36:03

How's it going with your prescription on a daily basis? Good. I can see that we've been recording for 30 six. Six seconds. I answered for you, damn it. What's what's the bottom thing say? Search? Oh down here.

SPEAKER_01 36:22

Oh, Mark.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

Oh, you called it.

SPEAKER_01 36:24

Audio.

SPEAKER_00 36:26

Video. Share.

SPEAKER_03 36:32

So you were cheating before with the microphone icon and the video one. No. Yeah, you were cheating. It was like when we did the test over there, but we felt like it was. They're getting further away. So like last time you were talking about your depth perception, is it like starting to get a little bit more? Yeah, it's getting better.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

Oh. So like when I take my glass off, it feels like I'm like 20 feet tall. Like, no, it's the opposite. Instead of when I put my glasses on, I feel short. When I take my glasses off, I feel tall.

SPEAKER_00 37:03

Really? Yeah.

unknown 37:05

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 37:06

Speaking of tall, the opposite of tall is midgets. Yeah. Okay. I have the best show recommendation.

SPEAKER_04 37:13

Now. Is it the midget that like trucks and does like a little bit of everything? Oh that's a show.

SPEAKER_03 37:21

You never see that? It's like a midget he buys stuff on auction or like drop like he does like hauling for people and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 37:29

He just does like a little bit of everything. Yeah. That's a thing? Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 37:33

Oh, I'm talking this show, it's on I think TLC. But I think tonight, uh, when does it come on? Shit. Can't watch until tomorrow night. Anyway, it's called Little Singles. And it's like an Airbnb full of single midgets, and they're all like mingling with. It's like a dating show. It's pretty funny. The little guys are up there tired about how big their Johnsons are and stuff like that. Fuck range down to my knee. That's what they're talking about. It's all six interests. Like the one was like, yeah, for as small as we are, it's surprisingly big. You need to watch that show. Yeah. You need a VZ box, soul. VZ box, yeah. Yeah. She's really good. I hear your wife.

SPEAKER_00 38:22

She's here.

SPEAKER_03 38:25

Yeah. Should we make her a guest on next episode? I think we should. Do a doll out to that. Start bringing on guests. People love Gavin. I don't know why.

SPEAKER_00 38:40

They don't have to work with us. No, I like working with you, Gavin.

SPEAKER_01 38:46

No, people loved you.

SPEAKER_03 38:49

Still need to see Chester. No. Derek. When Remy comes on, you gotta bring out Chester.

SPEAKER_01 38:55

I don't know who he is.

SPEAKER_03 38:58

You. Your alternate. I'm Derek. Your alternate personality.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

You don't need Chester.

SPEAKER_03 39:08

Why? Why? See, this is a problem.

TikTok Bits Vlogging And Ear Wax

SPEAKER_03 39:11

Like we could have these good quality moments. I offer to do the WAP dance. Do the WAP dance. No, you do it. I don't remember how to do it. Was it from the top? Make the trout. Yeah, so we could have had comedy goal, but you wouldn't let me record it. Get up and do the truffle shuffle. What's the truffle shuffle? Jiggle your belly. Just jiggle my belly. Jump and jiggle. Jump and jiggle. Why?

SPEAKER_01 39:40

Do it. Do the truffle shuffle.

SPEAKER_03 39:42

Do the truffle shuffle.

SPEAKER_01 39:43

Everyone will get up this far and then you're gonna do the? Yeah, but you have to pull your shirt off.

SPEAKER_03 39:50

Yeah. Why? No, because that's like nudity. We'll do the truffle shuffle for TikTok. No, because then people just look at TikTok.

SPEAKER_01 40:01

If we do it this way, they'll listen on Spotify the whole way through, then they'll hear that you did the truffle shuffle, so they'll have to go on YouTube and watch the whole thing through.

SPEAKER_03 40:10

No, they don't have to watch the whole thing. Well, no, no, fast forward, but I don't know how it works. My true up has another view. We do know how it works. Wouldn't it show up as another view? Yeah, it would. Yeah, so do it. Why am I gonna do the truffle cup? You're the one who wanted to. No, I wasn't. You're the one that brought it up.

SPEAKER_01 40:29

You already did it halfway.

SPEAKER_03 40:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:31

Too truff truff.

SPEAKER_03 40:32

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:37

Well, are you embarrassed with your hair?

SPEAKER_03 40:40

No. Oh what's in there? Hang on. Belly button action for you. Actually, don't smell that bad.

SPEAKER_00 40:59

No, I am. Remedy's dying to me.

SPEAKER_03 41:05

It didn't stink. Because you know why? You clean your belly buttons? Use q-tip? Oh. You know you're not supposed to use q-tips in your ears. Yeah, nothing bigger than your elbow. That's what you're supposed to how you're supposed to clean your ears. Nothing what? Nothing bigger than like the tip of your elbow is supposed to go in your ear.

SPEAKER_01 41:25

Well, a q-tip's smaller than that.

SPEAKER_03 41:29

Or nothing smaller, sorry. Backwards. Ask backwards. Well, that wouldn't do much good. So your finger doesn't even suppose. No. No, because it anything that's small that can go in there, you're not supposed to be able to go in there and touch your eardrill. That's the whole problem. So what are you supposed to do? Like go to the doctor's have them vacuum it out? I don't know. I want one of them little things that you can I used to see on TikTok, like the little scooper thing in the candle. Oh yeah, yeah. I want one of those. I want to know what inside mine looks like. Have you ever done like the candles where you like put a candle and it's supposed to bring an earax out? I haven't. Maybe we should try that. We should start vlogging, do all these cool extremes. Yeah. What's up, YouTube today? Oh, you just take this on the go. Oh yeah. Yeah. You carry the laptop. What? So I could change the camera angle. I got an Oprah. We should each have a GoPro. Record each other's POVs.

SPEAKER_01 42:44

Then we get it like where two guys no script shirts and stuff. And like people see us, you know, like vlogging.

SPEAKER_04 42:51

It's pretty obvious or whatever. And everyone'll be like, oh, I have to check these guys out. And they'll be like, oh, they only have like 10 followers.

SPEAKER_03 42:59

Let's do it. You'd be doing various too. I think I wasn't. I think I'd do it. So we're gonna vlog in Florida? We'll see. We're gonna vlog in Florida. Okay. Okay. Then we can write all this off. It's a work trip.

unknown 43:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:15

Except we don't have a business entity yet. Yeah, but just think we could write all this stuff off if we uh became business and we were losing money. Yeah. We are at a loss as a business. So yeah. You need to start your OnlyFans and sell your underwear. I'll start with my socks. What okay. I actually want to know if anyone would buy like my socks. Or my underwear. I have no shame in it. Underwear, yeah. Okay, no, I would. Not like I wouldn't care to sell it, but I wear a very Can eat them. They're rather expensive. So it'd be pretty spendy to buy new underwear all the time.

SPEAKER_04 44:04

But then also, like, if you're selling your underwear, it's going to be some like weird person that would buy them in the first place. And then, like, who knows what they're going to do. And then that might like fuel them to even be like more obsessed with you. And then they might like show up to your door and try to read it.

SPEAKER_03 44:19

Why would they know around that?

SPEAKER_01 44:21

Because you live at because the return address of the shipping.

SPEAKER_03 44:29

Oh, I can get a P.O. box. Mail mail from like five pounds over. If we ever get famous, I'm linking your phone number. That would be fun. You just get a bunch of phone calls. Let's get a new phone. You gotta get a new number. I'll keep this phone for when I want to call you, and then I'll just have it get a new number. Why? So I can't have your number? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:57

You are the worst friend ever. Why? Because since you want to leak my phone number to the world, I'll. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:05

I think we should leak your number see if you get any calls.

SPEAKER_03 45:08

No, my phone ring is announced my day.

Phone Calls Truckers And Wrap Up

SPEAKER_03 45:12

Aren't you Splashville? No, not really. I talked to the same five people every day. But it's like phone tag. One calls and then call the other one back and it's just whatever ending. You are jealous. It would be nice, man. Exactly. I made fun of our box for having one for the longest time. And then as my phone would sit on the screen on the crane every day, and then it would fall off constantly.

SPEAKER_04 45:42

The only thing both of you do it, like the point of having those is so you can still do stuff like while you're on the phone and whatever. But both of you, if you get a phone call, like he has to head to his truck or you have to head to your crate. And then most of the time you get in there and just sit still and don't do anything and sit on the phone with them.

SPEAKER_03 45:59

Yeah, because we work into a lot of an environment. You know how hard it is to hear something on the other end when he gets through banging into a pile. It's 50-50s. And sometimes you call the bullshit, so it's like really short. Someone else calls him. He calls me quite a bit. And that again, it's is it important or is it the bullshit? You never really know. And then all the truckers that come and haul Autobus, they all got my phone number now. So I'm either getting texts or calls from them. And then if you forget to text them back, then they call you.

SPEAKER_01 47:02

So why don't they know what they're getting when they get there?

SPEAKER_03 47:05

Because I don't always text them back.

SPEAKER_01 47:08

You make my job harder because you're not doing it.

SPEAKER_03 47:12

No, I don't Okay, I shouldn't say all. But most of them. Most of them. I can prove it to you. Even today. Um look at that. Two truckers tested yesterday. Alright, he was faster. And I got at least one phone call. That's not hard. What? Oh. Alright, Derek, I'm hungry. Alright, we'll catch you in the next one. Bye.