Normal Paranormal

Growing up in a poltergeist home gave me a different perspective on both reality and life. The point of this episode to provide you another option when looking at life, in full spectrum. Not suitable for young listeners (it's scary). 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

The full spectrum story. I went from from tear to fear to float just current and in a wave. I jumped out of bed and I just wanted to be able to do it. Normal paranormal. Yes, that's the title. And yes, it will get pretty spooky in a moment. But uh why? One mean ratio is dedicated to understanding the full spectrum of reality, not just our reality, like our governance and uh economics and culture, education, or and even our family. We spend a lot of time talking about these things. The podcast fear is just packed of these. These are stovepipe perspectives. There really needs to be more of a broadband approach, a polymath pursuit, and I wanted to do that, even to incorporate those things into the spooky elements. Some we wish didn't exist, but it does. See, life is more than just human interaction with physical nature. We are also interacting with forces we cannot measure but do observe. My last podcast uh was about the a huge perception popper for myself. These next episodes will be building on that in a sense of because life as we see it is only a dimension of reality we refer to as the material world, of which we can only typically see four millionths of a percent of it. That's uh 0.704%. And that is only an educated guess, by the way. And then honestly, since the spectrum appears to be more infinite, what we see between, I mean, our eyes see between wavelengths of 380 to 700 nanometers of light. And according to NASA, all electromagnetic radiation is light, but we can only see a small portion of this radiation, the portion we call visible light. The cone-shaped cells in our eyes act as receivers tuned to the wavelengths in this narrow band of uh of the spectrum. Meaning our perception of reality is only a sliver of what it really is. So don't be limited by our senses. We talk about full spectrum of visible light, right? But the full spectrum is actually infinite. So those who reject the supernatural, so to speak, is not only short-sighted, but dishonest. Science is not a conversation with reality, it's an investigation on evidence, observable and measurable. And if science is your religion, the blindfold is your certainty. There is a plethora of examples of more than normal events, which is what I will be talking about today. My full spectrum story, and really how I came to think and perceived perceive life as I do. So paranormal experiences are not hoaxes, but hoaxers will fake paranormal experiences. I understand that. And to those who experience it every day, it's real and unreal, I guess you could say too, all at the same time. For me, growing up in a haunted, uh, poltergeist home, my normal was paranormal, and it shaped my understanding of the quote real world. Why I'm doing this. Okay. Uh, decades ago, when I was finishing up college, one of my psych professors, Dave, who was a child psychologist, gave us an assignment to write the chapters of our childhood that we recognized that developed who we were, um, how we view the world. And up to that moment, I really didn't talk about my childhood in that full spectrum way. But for some reason, that night, I I did. It was a night class. I was too tired to care. So I just gave him the full story. And then uh, and honestly, I expect, and this was a long class, he was correcting them and he handed them out at the end, and I expected him to give me his card in response, you know how that is, but I did after and the the story goes like this as he was handing out the papers to everybody, and they were leaving. So once you got your paper, you can leave. And then, of course, mine was the last paper, and he came over, sat down on a table across from me, and watched as all the students left, and then there I was stuck. Well, anyhow, I figured this would happen because now the paranormal experiences and hauntings in the 70s and 80s was taboo. You didn't talk about it, even in Christian um environments, it didn't exist, or it just wasn't real, and so uh I learned quickly when you talk about it, what like my brother did, and he had to go to a child psychologist. And now, 25 years later, here I am, sitting in front of a child psychologist. Um, the difference was that actually Dave didn't doubt me nor question actually anything I wrote. In fact, he was working with children who were presently having this exact same experience. Well, not exact, but having this very similar experiences. And he just wanted to stop and counsel me not to keep it secret, which blew me away. He wanted me to just be open about it. Um and and I also asked permission to use this story, you know, for the children he was uh helping at the time who was seeking therapy. So honestly, it took me a little while though after that, but I slowly made this element known about me, and even to this day, um yesterday had a conversation that I had to bring up this story about me, and it was like sludging through slime, it was tough for me to motivate myself to say something because it's a perception that people didn't put on to you, like really, hmm, okay, yep, mm-hmm, he's one of those. So honestly, it took me a while after that, but I slowly made this element known about me, and eventually I dove in like all feed in as a scientific investigation uh or study, I suspect, about it. And and so has my wife. She likes to make it known actually more than I do. And this is really why I'm doing this now. I want to give you three chapters of my story I gave to Dave. But first, why? Last week I overheard my wife talking about um my haunted childhood to an old friend over the phone, which kind of gave me a little of a panic attack, uh, to be honest. But as I listened to their conversation, her friend, you can hear it over the receiver. I mean, I'm gonna hear what she said, but you can see she she can hear her being excited, like, oh, okay. And she was just talking, she was kind of really happy. It's like, oh, you understand. I'm, you know, you know, I'm not crazy. And then started giving her all those details and facts about their childhood and how they've been dealing with this experience. And after her father's death, her mom was physically being tormented. And her mom was trying to get out of the house and decided to go to assisted living just to get out of that situation. But her siblings were treating her like she was paranoid or having dementia, even though they had all experienced this. They just completely no, it doesn't exist. So when she found that out, she was a lot more happier to know that you understand. So listening to that excitement, listening to that kind of the relief, that really kind of that's what really hit me hard was how she opened up so much, and she was so happy to find understanding, reminded me of exactly what Dave had said. So I'm killing two birds with one stone here. I'm giving you my story in case it helps your story, and two, I'm giving you a different way to consider reality. Here we go. Chapter one, the origin story. It was 1973, San Jose, California, and I was just two years old, and I remember this. I was on the carpet by the kitchen doing what I guess two-year-olds do, when my mother suddenly rushed over to the window to look out. I heard screaming, a lady screaming, and my mother quickly picked me up and went out the front door, put me down on the front porch, and said something, and then ran across the gol de sac to where this screaming lady was. She was Cherokee by culture and by religion, friends to my parents. From my point of view, it was scary. I didn't understand a thing that was happening, but the woman was thrashing around as my mother tried to help her. Then all of a sudden, the woman attacked my mother. She fought back just to defend herself, really, trying to push the woman off, when suddenly the woman gave out the scream and it all stopped. Just stopped. My mother was talking to the lady now, just hugging her, and I was crying, terrified. It seemed like forever, I'm sure it was only a matter of minutes, when my mom came back and picked me up and brought me over. And as we were sitting there, a police car pulled up. Someone had called the police on the woman after they saw her assault my mom. And the policeman was young, barely about twenties. He separated us, so we went back to the front porch. And the lady stayed at her house. My mom and the officer talked. He went out to his car, but then he came right back inside and asked to use my mother's phone. And he made his phone call, and then later he left. He did nothing more about it. A few years ago, at my dad's funeral, this officer came up to me to introduce himself and to tell me of his experience. He was amazed I remembered it. I even corrected some errors in the timeline, which he couldn't remember. When he realized that my mom was his sergeant's wife, instead of calling it in, he decided to call my dad instead, and that's why he wanted to use her phone. My dad told him to write nothing, he'll come right over and take care of it. James, the police officer, left and we went back to the woman's house. Her house, I remember, was eerie. Even as a two-year-old, it was dark inside, kind of yellowish. Like light from her light bulbs couldn't really reach very far. I just remember I was scared to be in there. It just felt wrong. And it didn't clear up for the next few years that we lived under cul-de-sac. But I sat on her shack carpet and watched the mom and the lady talk, and she took off her shirt to show my mom where she thought she was on fire. Her back was full of scratches. No blood, no broken skin or anything, but just like red, welted stripes. This shocked both my mom and the lady. The full story was later told to me when I asked my mom about this event uh years later. And she was amazed I remembered. Remembered, I was haunted by it. Actually literally haunted by it. The woman, the young woman, she had come out of her house screaming, and doubt that she was on fire, hitting herself to get the flames out, and instantly my mom put me down on the porch and ran to give aid. But she wasn't on fire. She then the panicked woman swore she could feel fire. My mother got up to her, she started to pray for the woman in distress. My mother was a young Christian who had just shortly became Christian after my father became one during the Jesus Revolution in the late 60s, early 70s, which was very popular at those days. But the woman then suddenly started screaming at my mother and then attacked her. Now my mom said, well, how my mom said it to me was actually her demon started screaming at her and her demon attacked her. As my mom struggled to get free from this woman, she commanded the demon to leave the woman in the name of Jesus. And it did immediately. So for my young brain, that was important information. Which you'll learn why in a little bit. Why I call this the origin story is because while the demon left the woman, it did not cease to exist, didn't like vanish. It wanted its host back. And so my dad and had invited their family to church, and the woman and the husband accepted Jesus as to master and rejected those demons to be master. And as far as I know, they never again dealt with that demon on the level they had before. And we knew them pretty much throughout my childhood. But it did follow us home. Chapter 2. The Boy Under the Bed. Not long after the screaming woman had her coming to Jesus moment, things began to move around the house. I had not noticed any of it yet, but my mother had, and she told me later, pictures would be rearranged. Open doors would be closed, and closed doors would be open. My mother had become a Christian, but she brought much of her spiritism beliefs with her and kind of mixed them two together. So she believed that these entities were human ghosts trapped in this world over some unresolved issue, or either had refused to go to the light, or wasn't their time to go to light, or whatever. Therefore, when she saw this entity in the house, she actually invited it to stay, assuming it was a young teenage boy, trapped or lost. And she wanted to do the motherly thing and give it a home. The main rule she gave this entity was that it could not harm us children, my brother and I. They did not comply. They never comply with your rules. And this stupid invitation began the next 16 years. My whole childhood. This was my first day. In our old house, as we called it, there was an office downstairs that was made into a nursery, and now it was a nap room in a playroom. All my toys were in this room, and it's where I was put down for naps. What I remember was being woken up. The bed shook a little, and I looked around, and I could hear laughter. The room wasn't completely dark, uh like night, but the thick curtains, you know, kind of did its job to keep it dark enough. And as I looked around, I saw what appeared to be this round pillow cushion that was some animal design, and it was laughing at me. It startled me. And then I noticed that there were several stuffed animals that were floating around the room, each laughing. And then the tear came over me as I comprehended what was going on, and this was and as this was going on, I could hear someone under my bed laughing. And a little movement of the bed suggesting someone was down there. So, without getting out of my bed, I hung down to peek underneath. And there was a boy under my bed, laughing at me. He was black, completely black. Like the boy's shadow was its form. I remember he had eyes, but I didn't stay long enough to look at it. As soon as I realized someone or something was under my bed, I screamed. I remember moved in the middle of my bed, and I thought was the safest place, and screamed. And screamed. I remember my scream. I was about to die. That was all my whole mind perceived. And then the door opened. That visual I've replayed in so many times in my head. It wasn't a quick opening of the door, but as the door opened, light that was out there, of course, came into the uh room, just pierced the darkness, and I saw the stuffed animals fall to the floor. All the laughter vanished. My father came in, which wasn't normal. Usually my mom did, but my father came in and grabbed me. And I couldn't communicate any of this to my parents, so it really wasn't old enough. But that moment when my dad came in, it was like salvation in my tiny little brain at that time. So when I told this to my mother, this was when I was around 11, I think, during our conversation about the screaming woman, actually, and that is when she confessed her complete errand judgment that brought all that on us. Well, eventually, my mother abandoned us and divorced my dad, leaving to live out some California fad of the divorced woman lifestyle, I guess. So for the remainder of my childhood, it was just going to be my brother and my uh father and I. My mother at least knew there were spirits in the house, and even broke down in front of us one night that the devil was trying to destroy her. Of course, my brother and I thought the time was get in line. But my father did not, not until the end. Your genetics builds the vessel, that's your flesh. Your environment, both physical and cultural, shapes your reality, your perception, and your character, your spirit, grows from how you navigate that environment. The paranormal environment of our home growing up was in contrast to the culture of our family. We were a God-fearing, church-going Christian family. My father was one of the founding members of the police chaplaincy of the San Jose Police Department, even as the deacon of the church. We were all involved in our church communities businesses and stuff, and our family, friends, were Christian families. We were all a part of the Jesus Revolution, me being a second generation, even. We even held Bible studies at our home. So no one drank, no one did drugs, played with the occult, uh, besides my mom's spiritualistic beliefs, which was simply poor insight, that didn't really explain why we had this thick demonic infestation. Um I mean, I know no more now, but back then it feels confusing. Growing up in that environment, in this dark paranormal constant, we were faced with two choices. Either I'm going to resist it and fight it, which will seem to be a constant losing battle, or I can embrace the darkness and hopes the darkness will love me instead of hate me, only to find that it actually pushes you to kill yourself. Let me just uh make this note. The paranormal activities were not constant, but the thick, dark presence was, and it worked to keep you tired, frustrated, stressed, and in waves, like a narcissist personality. Just at the moment you're about to take action against this abuse, they calm, they go quiet, even pleasant, just enough to allow you to settle back down into continuing this relationship. Also similar to a narcissist. It makes you believe you're the problem. You're the one who brought this on. Um, it's your thoughts, your sins, your your reason. And they seek to convince you to accept them as a part of your character. That is called attachment. They were actively working to develop a personality that best suits their objective. My brother, unfortunately, took the dark road and embraced it. I decided to resist. And because of my Christian environment, I had at least a notional understanding of what to do. So I began to dig into knowing God and and I'd use Jesus' name like a disinfectant spray. But it didn't stop my tear by the Fear, my anger. No matter what I did in the house to pray over it or whatever, it didn't, it didn't stop it. It just pushed it away for a bit. My grades sucked. I couldn't study in this environment. I had no motivation to do any really work, uh, schoolwork, yet, and I still had this deep desire to understand everything. I felt back in back then, I felt it was continued to block my development. I it that's a fancy word, but I felt it kept trying to um stifle me, keep me confused. And the darkness in my brother and the light in me, that began this long period of a constant fight between us. He sunk into depression and darkness. He got this fascination with horror movies and death and uh just anything filthy. And I constantly sought to oppose it, fight it. Chapter 3, Jay. Jay was an actor and one of our youth leaders in our youth group, and as it was with most of actors, he was also a janitor, or church's anager at janitor at the time. Uh he was a normal, funny guy, uh, great character actor, uh, easy-going personality, not quite what you'd think of a church leader, just the guy helping out the youth. And see, there's about 50 of us there, I guess, kids. So it wasn't that I had a close connections with any of them. This was a very large congregation. But after youth group, Jay sought me out and then pulled me aside. He obviously had something to tell me that uh seemed pretty serious because he wasn't his kind of normal goofy comedian self. He was quite spooked. And this is what he told me. It was about one in the morning when all of a sudden his wound-up alarm clock went off. He picked up the clock and saw it was set at 7 a.m. And he looked at the time. He didn't rewind an alarm, which is how these old clocks worked, but kept it off and just rolled over and went back to sleep. It began to ring again. The alarm is off. Jay sat up, startled, and just quickly said, Okay, God, I'm up. And the bells immediately stopped. A real presence was there, and Jay really didn't know what he was supposed to do. So he got up out of the bed and he just went over to his lazy boy cleiner and and sat down just to pray and see what God wanted. And as he sat back into his chair, he found himself standing in a hallway. And the impression he got immediately, not a voice, just a uh annoying, is what that he was standing in my hallway. And as he explained the hallway to me, it was my hallway. He had never been to my house, and I only had maybe one or two conversations with him. What he saw was terrifying. He was standing at the end of my hallway and saw to the left side, which would be my brother's room, a thick material-like darkness pushing against a light from the other side, which would have been my room, and the darkness was pushing into my room. He explained the feeling like there was a war going on, and it was a terrifying event happening. Then he heard someone say, pray, which startled him, and he instantly realized he was actually back in his chair. So he prayed against this darkness, but had no more information than that. That's how this, that's how his story ended. Now, after he finished telling me that, of course, my horse, my heart was racing. I was I felt like I got uh I got found out. I was a little bit kind of a mix of ashamed, scared. I'm like, oh crap. So honestly, I lied. I told him I had no idea what he was talking about, and uh and kind of sheepishly acknowledged and thought, okay, well, hey, if this is just for you, it's great. I don't know. And then we ended the conversation. I felt oh, I feel I still feel horrible about this. But I but I did eventually tell Jay the whole story and uh apologize for lying. And uh, we had become roommates at this time. So when I did tell him I lied, he wanted to know, okay, now tell me what happened. So I told him what happened that very night. The other side of the spectrum from Jay's observation, I was in my room in bed. It was a uh it was a heavy night. I could hear, you could feel around. I was very scared. It's just uh just praying it wasn't going to last long or something, and until I saw a dark shadow figure walk through my uh my wall into my room. And as soon as I saw it, I lost it. I sort of like fainted, but I could see barely. I wasn't completely out, but I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, my body was in like a complete shock. It was what they would call sleep paralysis, and then just barely able to see, to keep my eyes out um slightly open to see, it walks to the end of my bed and sits down. I am completely helpless at the mercy of whatever this entity wants to do. And at this point, I was expecting to get choked again, or or worse. But as it as it turns towards me, it puts his hand up just a little bit, and a voice in my head said, peace. And instantly I was at peace. I could breathe, I could see, I could move, though I chose not to. This was not one of the bad guys, this was one of the good guys. So that was a huge relief on me. But then he says something else in my head. Listen. And no sooner had he said that I could hear something talking at my bedroom door, and another voice jump in quickly, saying, Shh, the way this voice sounded was like a pathetic, not scary at all. In fact, I realized in a flash that it, for some reason, feared me. There was not even a moment pause between hearing those voices and getting that understanding in my head. I went from tear to fear to ferocious courage. And in a rage, I jumped out of bed and I just leaped out at them. Now, as I was flying through the air, I regained my senses and began considering the consequences of this action. What if I do get them? And internally, in a flash, I'm thinking myself, wow, hmm, this is new. And I hit the wall. I literally leapt across my room from my bed to the wall. Of course, I flipped the lights on. This leap was not a small feat. So, and later, as you know, kids do, I tried to actually do it again, and I was never able to do it. I went from a laying down, almost like paralyzed in fear position, to attacking like Wolverine with the blades out. And I wanted to tear them apart. It was like I caught someone pranking me, and I just wanted to get my revenge. And that is how I felt for the remainder of my years at home. I wanted nothing more than to torment them. It was like the tables had turned. Now, think of that night that Jay prayed for me as the flip. The last four years of my time at home, I was never afraid of them. I'm uh I mean, there was always a sense of fear, but I had actually come to realize, and and not just from then, but even to this day, that this feeling was something they were giving off than me ever really having it. It was like their scent, because I get this dread or just fear. I'm like, well, why do I have this dread or fear? And that just makes no sense. There's nothing following me. I have no danger here. And that's what gave me the clues. Like, oh, I see. That's the entity's scent, kind of like their B-O. It's like the dead spirit B-O. So, but my objective from that time on was to actually really piss them off. I mean I mean, and nothing pissed them off more than scripture. So I began digging deep as I was well, as deep as I was able. For my reading skills at that point was awful, terrible. I was a bad reader, terrible. But I had motivation. I had to read this, so I did it. And my dad had a uh a strong concordance. It wouldn't so I took that and uh looking upwards, doing my little Bible studies, trying to learn as much as I could about life, about reality, about what I was uh living in. I mean the spiritual rules. And the power that Jesus' name had on these entities was such a testimony to who Jesus is to me. And being raised in this, I had never doubted anything about God or Jesus. I was clearly ignorant of much of it, yes, but I conceptually understood it. And my understanding grew because of studying the Bible. It was uh a matter of life and death in my mind. It's like I could not imagine turning away from God after what I was doing with these entities. I figured they were, they would, they they kill me, they destroy me. So it's like, yeah, I'm not leaving. So while God led me through his word, the demons did their thing. It was a frustration. I um and I and I voiced it to God too. I've had this kind of I say I was kind of not an argument, how do you say that? I had this debate going to God, well, why wouldn't you know why like if I had the power to cast out demons in the name of Jesus, why do these things keep coming back after me? Why are they still here? It was a fair question. Um the answer comes later, but at that point, it was just confusion. But for now, as I'm reading, the uh entities would, you know, knock on my window or on my door, and I would just say, nice try, and I just keep going. It was, it was just like it was more like an annoyance, like you hear mice in the walls, you can't do anything about it. It's like great mice in the walls. And then even lifted my bed into the air while I was laying down reading. And I don't uh well, I didn't know it was being lifted at the moment. All I saw was my little bed lamp. It was just kind of slowly turning upward. I'm like, oh geez, that's kind of spooky. And then I felt this free floating sensation, and boom, the bed head and I hit the ground. And I laughed out loud, actually. Honestly said, well, that was pretty good. But you know, then just continued to read. So now they don't hide, and I'm only beginning my curiosity about, you know, how do they knock? How do they ring the doorbells? Uh, which I observed. In fact, uh, the button, we had the doorbell buttons, you know, and I saw when it rang the doorbell by the doorbell. I saw, okay, the doorbell wasn't depressed, but the doorbell's going off. So I thought, okay, it's not something pressing the button. So, you know, when I heard the sound again, I'd open up the you know, the doorbell buzzer um uh cover, and it sounded like something was holding the doorbell in, as you hear like the buzz like ding. It only gives half the ring. So I opened the doorbell cover and I saw that the solenoid coil was obviously getting electricity, which is what kind of creates the magnetic field that pulls a little metal plunger and it strikes the bell, and when you release the button, the the coil relaxes and the spring pushes the plunger you know back to the another bell. So it goes ding dong. That's how that works. Why do you care? Sorry, I digress. The activity in the house was huge. They hated me, I hated them. But I also like to mock them, which is not mature either. We were clearly reaching a boiling point, but then had this huge earthquake, and I had to move gone. I had to move out to get closer to school. So when uh since I was 18, I moved out. But that only brings me to chapter four, the last day. And I didn't bring it up as often. I was like, hmm, whatever. My dad's not home. I had to come up and pick some things up. And so my piano's there. So I was playing piano and I was playing worship music. I was in worship band and playing some worship music, and it's all I just thought, like, hey, yeah, since I'm here, maybe I'll torment the demons for a while. Yeah, that's what I'll do. So I did, and that's all I started to do with that. And they you start kind of poking at them, and they start, you know, they get it really gets active. And so I'm sitting there and it's it's legitimately like in my face. Like you can see it, like, oh my gosh, screaming. And it wasn't just one face, it was like thousands of faces, and it looked like a like a it's kind of like this flare, kind of like that uh, you know, uh flare, you know, with the with with a bubble in front of like a little wave in the back of just this dull light of you know, like a dark, dull light. And then just faces of streams yelling at me. Just not saying very good things, by the way. Not good things at all. And so I'm playing just tormenting, and it's making noises, it's like this dragging this box, like this sound of uh like dragging of wood across the uh the um sidewalk. That was new. I'm like, whoa, that was pretty, that was pretty freaky. I got the little, I got the you know, all the hairs, my bodies and trims like, wow. And then I heard my dad come in. He's he pulled in right at that moment. I'm like, oh, I have a plan. And so he comes walking in. I'm like, hey dad, did you uh just come in a little bit ago and leave? Like, no, I was like, because I just heard uh like something you were like dragging in front of the sidewalk. Well, he was on to me and he says, I'm not having this conversation. I'm like, oh man. It's like dad, listen, it's real. We started this argument, and as soon as we started this argument, it was like the sound of uh of a huge plate glass window shattered. It was loud. My dad about leaped into my arms. I pulled him off. I'm like, see, dad, that's what I'm talking about. And he's like, no, no, no. There's a there's a logical explanation for this. I should put that on a t-shirt, and so I was like, okay, let's go find it. And so I led him through the house and we looked through everything. Nothing. Do you believe me now? And he's like, uh, I've been dealing with this since I was two. By the way, I'm gonna live here. Have a good night, and I left alone in the house of hauntations. I left. My dad um didn't have a very comfortable sleeping time, and but his eyes again, we like it, was opened. His first experience, he says. Um, and so he brought in uh uh he went to the police chaplain and said, Hey, I think I got a problem in my house. Like, oh, what's up? He's like, I think it might be haunted, maybe sort of. I don't know, you know, the freaky's like, oh, that's possible. He's like, really? He's like comment? He's like, Yeah, really? His chaplain um came up, uh, who's a pastor, and he entered into the house. It was like he came into the house, like, and as soon as he walked in the house, he was like, Oh my gosh, Bill, you have a problem. I was like, What? Really? Do I? He's like, uh, yeah. Uh I need a I have a friend of mine, I think I know how to deal with this dying. So he goes, calls his uh friend of his, who's another pastor, and he comes up, and then he of course, uh, this is what my dad's telling me. I wasn't part of this by this time. He came up and he had my dad go throughout the whole house and he had scripture with him, had to read scripture, and he basically had to go to every corner of the house, like every doorway, and um um uh I would say like anointed, is that like anointing or or cleansing or something like that? And so he went through this um, you know, prayers throughout the house, and uh and it was notably different. When I came back, actually, when I came back, it was the first time that the house was actually comfortably warm. It's always a little cold. In fact, uh my dad had to get a whole new furnace, he got new heating systems, he had a new fireplace put in. It was like could never seem to get that house warm, no matter what you did. And so now suddenly, you know, you open up the curtains, the house is warm. It was just like and bright. That was another thing, too. It was no longer this like 30 watt bulbs, the 30 the the bulbs suddenly became 60 watts. Does that make sense? I think most people out there who've lived in those houses, like everything was dull and cold, and then suddenly it's just like normal. And then uh and I remember coming in, it was like, wow, this is this is a nice house. This is this is very calm. So those are chapters in my life that I thought were significant to the development of my worldview, of my perception of reality as I wrote them down, but it it still is not the full spectrum because I only wrote about the darkness part, I didn't read but write much about the light for some reason. I don't know why I kept it out. I personally received so much help from God, and I know that sounds cliche, like almost uh minimizing. Um, and I don't mean that in a religious way, I mean like actual. I didn't go through any of this alone. I I constantly received guidance, even as a child, and I remember this, but it was like um a training, so to speak. I always seemed to be directed, and they all seemed so connected to what I was experiencing at the time. And at that time, I chalked it up to coincidence. But now looking back, it blows my mind uh how carefully coordinated it all seemed to be. But even now, as I'm and I'm as I'm talking about this here, I'm looking back at that period and saying, you know, how much of it was like so directed. I is like uh my mind, uh it's kind of like the Israelites going into the wilderness, you know, uh out of Egypt, following, you know. Um of course they had a cloud by day and a fire, a pillar of fire by night. I didn't have it, but um the same spirit that led them led me, I like to think. And when why am I not? And again, why? I mean, who am I? But I can honestly say though, without a doubt in my heart, that every experience I had was just a course on some attribute that I needed to develop in my character, my spirit. And like Joseph said to this brothers in Genesis, I would say to those demons, you intended evil against me, but God meant it for good. In order to make it as it is this day, I did not see the benefit of trauma until the day came that it saved me from destruction. But that is for another time. And yes, I would say these are just prologues of the story, but I'll leave you with this Ephesians 6, 12. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. This was my environment growing up, my experience even now. That means we live in this full spectrum reality. We live in a normal paranormal with with these entities. We're all in this in this spiritual quagmire. Thank you for joining me on One Me Rachel. Till next time, take care.