How to Calm Your Mind: Finding the Self-Regulation Practice That Actually Works for You

Right now people are typing "how to calm my mind" into AI at 11pm. Not Google. Claude and ChatGPT. In bed because they can't turn their brain off.

This episode is for them and all of us.

Sandy is a self-development junkie who reads every book, tries every practice, and (bless him) field-tests most of it on her husband Kris. In this episode she walks you through the meditation tools that made her laugh before they worked, the one she still uses every single day, and why most people give up on self-regulation before they find the practice that's actually meant for them.

You'll hear the Wayne Dyer guided meditation that surprised both Sandy and her husband, the Michael Singer silent mantra that sounds ridiculous until it doesn't, and the brand new mirror practice Sandy created this week that will make you laugh and then — if you keep going — actually shift something.

Plus: grab Sandy's free Instant EQ Guided Reset.

Eight minutes. Part meditation, part mini hypnosis. Try it today.

Your nervous system has a language. This episode helps you learn it.

Transcript

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Right now, one of the most searched questions that people are typing into AI is how do I calm my mind? Not into Google or into Claude and Chat GPT. At night in bed, they're lying there wondering how they can turn their brain off. I want to talk about that today because I've been that person. I've also spent years in the bath reading self-development books and then field testing whatever the author recommended on myself and occasionally on my husband Chris, who's learned not to ask many questions and just wants to see what's coming next. In this episode, I'm gonna walk you through a few of the self-regulation tools that I've tried, including a couple that made me laugh at myself before they even worked, and the one I still use every single day. You'll leave with something you can actually try today, not someone else's practice, yours. Stay with me. Welcome to the Magnetic Communication Podcast, where we make emotional intelligence simple, real, and usable. I'm Sandy Gerber, speaker, author, and certified communication and emotional intelligence trainer. I'm here to give you quick tools you can use right now to talk better, lead stronger, and connect deeper. Let's go. I read a lot of nonfiction self-development, leadership, human behavior. It's my hobby, my research, and my most productive bathtime. But I hated school. I mean, I genuinely did not enjoy a single standardized test or class. Ask me to solve for X, and I will stare at you like you've asked me to diffuse something. But I am obsessed with learning. I love learning. I didn't like school, but I love to learn. Specifically learning about myself and about people. You know, why do we do what we do? Why do we say what we say? Why are some of us thriving and some of us are just white knuckling on a Tuesday? I'm a self-development junkie, full stop. My nightstand looks like a book club exploded. My bath is a mobile library, and I've taken the personality assessments and quizzes, all of them. And every time I finish a great book, I don't just shelve it and move on. I implement whatever the author recommends. I try it immediately on myself and occasionally on Chris. A while back, I was deep into a guided meditation practice from Wayne Dyer. Now, if you know me and you've heard my other episodes, Wayne Dyer is like my mentor and the first book authority, really, that I was introduced on the power of intention. So his quote, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change has really guided my life. It's my favorite quote, and it's even landed in a tattoo on my daughter's arm. So every night before bed, the I do the whole thing. You know, I'd cross-legged on the bed, I'd have my phone on my lap, and Wayne's voice is in my ear with my eyes closed. And for three months, I umed before bed. This is like before we fall asleep. So I'm right beside Chris, and I'm got this uh going on in the guided meditation, and I'm uming like loud, right? Out loud, like a person who has fully committed to something that sounds slightly unhinged when you describe it to someone who wasn't there. But, anyways, at the end of each session, the meditation would close with the word shalom. And so I'd say it. And one night Chris just joined in, like, no buildup, no comment, all of a sudden he'd just do a shalom right on cue. And I almost fell off the bed laughing. I mean, it was so funny. That's what trying to find your self-regulation practice looks like for most people. You try something, it feels a little ridiculous, sometimes it works, anyways, and sometimes you move on to the next thing. After that, I reread The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer. And if it's not on your list, put it on your list. Singer writes about surrendering the ego, getting out of your own way, and allowing life to unfold. I mean, it's a beautiful read. And his meditation practice is completely silent, and he has had astounding success. So there's no voice, there's no sound, there's no guidance. It's just a mantra that you repeat internally. And his mantra was mew. So you're just saying mew to yourself. I know, I know, I know. But you read enough singer and you start to think, fine, I'll try the Mew, right? So the silent mantra is a totally different experience from a guided audio. When it's just you and a sound that you're generating inside your own head, your brain doesn't have anywhere to wonder. So there's no narrator to half listen to while you plan tomorrow's schedule. It's just you and the quiet, and internally just saying mew until you forget and you're just focused on your breath. And, you know, whether that makes you laugh or drop into an unexpected stillness, you know, both of those count. And then there are the morning practices that I do. You know, I do my affirmations, I do my first and last thought of the day. And if you haven't heard about that, you can pick it up in another episode here. I do my meditation and I set my intentions for the day. And I feel genuinely good about myself and my direction for about, you know, 45 minutes, and then something happens. You know, I get a difficult email or something's not going the way I wanted it to, or the day just goes sideways. And I catch myself thinking to myself, none of this is working. I'm a fraud. I teach emotionally intelligent communication for a living, and I just fully spiraled over an email, you know, and that gap between the morning practice and the afternoon is where most people quietly give up and they think this whole practice failed. And what happened is they're just human. You just need to find the tool that works for you. This brings me to this week. Like I created a new practice this week, you know, and it was completely by accident. I was standing in front of my mirror in the bathroom, and I just started saying a few of my affirmations, and I caught my own eye contact, and I turned around and I said out loud, looking right into my own eyes, you are fucking awesome. And I said it over and over, and the first 30 seconds, I was laughing. I mean, it's hard to do that. Look at yourself and say those four words. It was full-on laughing at myself, at the ridiculousness of it, you know, at the fact that this is apparently what my life has become. A person who sat in math class absolutely unable to solve problems, and now voluntarily standing in her bathroom giving herself a pep talk at 6 a.m. It's just funny how life works out. But I kept going. And somewhere around five or six, I stopped laughing and I actually felt what I was saying. Not performed it, felt it. And that's the thing, nobody tells you about self-regulation practices. They feel dumb before they work. They really do. Every single one of them that I've ever tried feels like you're doing something really strange. But then once you start doing it, the awning or the mew or the mirror pep talk that makes you laugh at yourself, the laughing is part of it. You're interrupting the pattern. Your nervous system doesn't know what to do for a second, and in that second, something shifts. The reason I'm telling you all of this isn't to turn you into a person who says shalom at bedtime. It's to say something I think gets missed. Most people who feel stressed, overwhelmed, or emotionally reactive, they're not missing knowledge. They're not missing motivation either. What they're missing is a practice that fits them. They've tried one app, they've tried a style, maybe a recommendation from someone with a different nervous system and decided this wasn't for them, and they quietly gave up on the whole idea. Or maybe it's just too outrageous to even consider. But after years of working with people on emotional intelligence, what I've seen is that your nervous system, it has a language, and the goal is to learn it. For some people, silent meditation is the entry point. You know, for others, it's movement, being active, taking a walk. Some it's a breathing practice, some it's a cold shower. But for some people, and I say this without judgment, it's 20 minutes of completely mindless television after the kids go to bed. And that counts. Rest is rest. Your nervous system doesn't care about the aesthetics of your recovery strategy. The practice isn't the point. The regulation is. So what does self-regulation really mean in real terms? Because we really need it these days. It's the ability to manage what's happening inside you so it doesn't manage you. When you snap or you spiral or you shut down, that's dysregulation. And most of us were never taught that we can actually get back to center. We were taught to push through it, suppress it, or vent it somewhere. None of those are regulation. Regulation is what happens when you pause long enough to interrupt the loop. Sometimes it's three deep breaths in a bathroom stall before you walk back into a meeting. Sometimes it's saying shalom at 1045 p.m. next to someone who says it right back. You don't need a whole new morning routine. You don't need a two-hour practice or a new identity. You just need one thing that gives your nervous system a way back to you. That's why I want to point you to something I created. It's the instant EQ guided reset. It's eight minutes, it's part meditation and it's part mini hypnosis. And I designed it to bring you back to yourself when you're activated, overwhelmed, or just running on empty. It's completely free. It's my gift to you. It's in my best chapter community on school, and you'll find the link in my bio. As I said, you don't need to um, you don't need to mew, you don't have to do anything that anyone else is doing. You just have to be willing to try something and keep going until you find the thing that works for you and just for you, even if it feels a little weird at first. Because most good things do. Your one thing for this week is to grab the EQ guided reset. It's free, it's eight minutes, and it's in my best chapter community on school. That's a community of people that are willing and ready to do the work to create their next best chapter. Don't try to find the perfect practice before you start, just try this one. And if you've already got something that works, I want to know what it is. Send me a DM on Instagram or drop it in the review. I read every single one. Now, two things before I let you go. If this episode made you think or laugh or made you want to text someone, would you consider taking 30 seconds and leaving a review or a rating on Apple Podcasts? Because this really helps more people to find the show. It means a ton to me. And this is also the last week that you can vote for the Magnetic Communication Podcast in the Women Podcasters Awards. We're in the mindset and mental health category. I'm still blown away by that. If you haven't voted yet, the link is in the show notes. If you have already voted, I really want to thank you for that. You're helping grow this movement for more love and acceptance in the world. And I don't take that lightly. Okay, friends, off you go to find your practice. I'll see you next week. You know, I really believe the more that we build our emotional intelligence and learn to communicate with intention, the more connection and love we create in the world. If something landed for you today, please pass it on. Share it with a friend, post it, or just start a better conversation. And you can grab tools and training anytime at standygerber.com. And you can find me on Instagram at Standy underscore Gerber underscore official or Connected Conversations HQ. Or over on YouTube at Connected Conversations SG. Let's keep learning to communicate to connect.