More Face & Neck Body Language Secrets - Because You Wouldn't Stop Asking

The last episode on neck body language broke comment records.

So Sandy's back with more because you asked, and because the most popular BLOG post on her website still has gems worth pulling out.

In this episode, Sandy shares a handful of face and neck body language tips you can use in your very next conversation. Today. From the smile that actually changes your tone of voice, to the connection cue that disarms even the most guarded person in the room, to the one posture shift high achievers use to project confidence before they've said a word.

You'll also hear the story of a woman Sandy spotted at a networking event - hand on neck, shoulders in, eyes down - and what happened when Sandy walked over and used exactly these signals to make her feel safe.

No complicated techniques. No performance tricks. Just small, specific awareness that changes how people experience you.

And the part Sandy loves most, how you experience yourself.

Transcript

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Hey you, so I received tons of feedback after the last episode I did on the neck body language. I got so many comments and DMs and emails. Some of you said you caught yourself touching your neck in meetings and finally understood what your body was telling you. Some of you said you tilted your head at someone who was frustrated with you, and you watched the whole energy of the conversation shift. One person told me they tried the head tilt in a performance review and their manager immediately softened. I love that. That's body language doing exactly what it's supposed to do. So I went back to one of the most popular posts on my website, my face and neck body language piece, and I'm pulling out a few more gems for you today. Things that you can use in your next conversation. Literally today. Stay with me. Welcome to the Magnetic Communication Podcast, where we make emotional intelligence simple, real, and usable. I'm Sandy Gerber, speaker, author, and certified communication and emotional intelligence trainer. I'm here to give you quick tools you can use right now to talk better, lead stronger, and connect deeper. Let's go. Welcome back, my friend. So let me start with something that happened to me at a networking event a few years ago. I was standing in a room full of people that I didn't know, and I was doing that thing, you know, where you scan for someone who looks equally uncomfortable, so that you can both pretend you came over on purpose. And I spotted her standing slightly apart, shoulders pulled in, one hand was resting just under her chin, pressed gently against the front of her neck, and she was looking at the floor. So I walked over, I smiled, and I tilted my head slightly to the side. I made eye contact with her, and I said, These events are a lot, aren't they? And she exhaled like she'd been holding her breath the whole drive over. That exhale, that's body language responding to body language. I didn't rescue her with words. I just showed her with my face and my posture that she was safe. And that's what today is about. Your face and neck are two of the most honest parts of your body. They communicate before you've even said a word. And most of us have no idea what they're broadcasting. So let's fix that. I'm gonna start with a gesture we all know, our smile. There's no faster way to make someone feel comfortable than a genuine smile. And I'm not talking about the polished professional smile or the I'm performing warmth right now smile. I'm talking about the real one. You know, with a genuine smile, you can feel when it's not real. We all can. We clock it instantly. Something in us just goes, hmm, that didn't reach the eyes. A real smile does something a fake one can't. It relaxes your voice, your tone actually shifts when you smile with your whole face, and you sound warmer and more optimistic. And what's cool is that studies show that a genuine smile is contagious in a way that's almost impossible to fake. You know, charismatic people are almost always natural smilers. They don't try to appear charismatic, they just are because something delights them about the people they're with and they have to smile. So the next time you walk into a meeting, don't work on your opening line. Work on actually being glad to see the people in the room. And it's easier to do this with a connection cue that I share on my keynotes or when I train people, they love it. It's how to network easily, and it's called the E trick. So this one sounds kind of silly until you try it, but just go with me. So before you meet someone in an elevator, you know, at the door in the first second of a video call, I want you to think of the letter E. Just E. Don't actually say it, that would be super weird. But I want you to hold the shape in your face when you say E. Because what it does is it softens your face, it opens it up a little, and it makes you look friendlier and more approachable, and most importantly, trustworthy. And the part that I didn't expect, the little E, when you do this and you're thinking E to yourself, it actually reduces your anxiety. Something about that quiet held expression signals to your brain that you're calm and ready. You're not thinking, what do I say or how do I look or what are they gonna think? You're thinking e. And if that feels weird, some people will say, Sandy, I'm not gonna walk into a room and start thinking e. Okay, fine, then think money because that's what you will get. I've used it before keynotes, difficult conversations, and especially before walking into rooms where I knew I was gonna be challenged because it works every time. This next connection cue that I'm gonna share with you, you need to know for reading other people as much as knowing yourself. And it's face blocking. Face blocking happens when someone puts their hand or their finger in front of their face. Like when a person has their elbows on a table and holds their hands in front of their face during a conversation. Sometimes it looks like they're thinking or in a relaxed pose, but it's neither. That gesture is a psychological barrier. The hands are essentially creating a wall, and it almost always shows up when someone's stressed, uncomfortable, or they don't like what's happening in the room. So if you see someone doing this in a meeting, they aren't with you. Something has knocked them out of the conversation. You just don't know what it is yet. So your job is to notice, not call it out. That would be weird. Just come back to them, ask them something, get curious. And if you catch yourself face blocking, that's your own body giving you data. Something about this moment isn't sitting right. So get curious about that too. Okay, another connection cue that I have for you, it really changed the way I carry myself in rooms. So this is the space between your earlobe and your shoulder. And Vanessa Van Edwards shared this, and I just I never forgot it. Research on high achievers, people who consistently walk into hard situations and come out credible, found one thing they do with their posture that most people don't. They keep the space between the bottom of their earlobe and their shoulder wide open. So when that space collapses, you know, your shoulders are creeping up or your head's tipping down, you immediately read as less confident, less secure, less in command of yourself. And boy, is this ever subtle. Nobody's consciously watching it, but we all feel it. So right now, as you're listening to this, are your shoulders up around your ears? Most people who are even slightly stressed are doing this and have no idea. I always need to remind myself to lower my shoulders, open up that space, and notice how the rest of my body follows. Okay, so this last connection cue I want to share with you keeps coming up in your messages, and for good reason. It's one of the most underestimated gestures in any conversation, and it's the head tilt. When you tilt your head slightly to the side while you're listening to someone, you're exposing the side of your neck, and that's a vulnerability signal. So your body's saying, I'm open, I'm listening, I'm not a threat. And when you pair that with a genuine smile, it's one of the most disarming things you can do in a difficult moment. It works in confrontations, negotiations with toddlers and CEOs. I've tested both. In episode 94, the one body language habit that's quietly undermining your confidence. I mentioned Andrea, and that was the woman who came back into that meeting when I asked her a question that wasn't just the question. It was how I asked it. I tilted my head. I made it safe. So I want you to try this this week. Find one moment where someone seems guarded or defensive, and tilt your head just slightly. Smile and stay curious and watch what happens. Your face and neck are in every conversation you have. They're broadcasting the entire time, whether you've authorized it or not. The question isn't whether they're sending signals. The question is whether those signals are working for you. So this week I want you to pick one thing from this episode. Maybe it's the smile, actually try to feel good about the person you're able to talk to. Maybe it's the ease so that you appear more trustworthy and approachable. Maybe it's the head tilt, trying it once in a conversation that feels a little stuck. Or maybe it's just noticing where your shoulders are when you're under pressure. Small awareness, applied consistently, changes how people experience you. And the part that I love most, it changes how you experience yourself. I'll see you next week, friend. You know, I really believe the more that we build our emotional intelligence and learn to communicate with intention, the more connection and love we create in the world. If something landed for you today, please pass it on. Share it with a friend, post it, or just start a better conversation. And you can grab tools and training anytime at standygerber.com. And you can find me on Instagram at Standy underscore Gerber underscore official or Connected Conversations HQ. Or over on YouTube at Connected Conversations SG. Let's keep learning to communicate to connect.