Soulmates, Bad Dates and the Art of Showing Up

Erin, Cat, and Clare are back in the chat this week, diving into the highs, lows, and absolute chaos of modern dating - and whether anyone should still be holding fish in their Hinge profile photos. The sisters swap stories about blind dates, debate relationship dealbreakers, and share the moments they knew they'd found their person (or at least stopped getting the ick). Plus: a debate on soulmates, internet dating culture, and the growing challenge of meeting people in real life. Along the way, they revisit Jesse McCartney nostalgia, discuss Cat's latest side-hustle ambitions, and relive Erin’s brief yet glamorous music video career. 

Transcript

Introduction

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey. Hey gals. Hey girls. How are we doing? We're darn good. I see that Erin is back in her robe. Yes. Correct. One of those one of those weeks.

SPEAKER_02 0:13

One of those weeks, correct. And all is right in the world. Is Tony still outside shooting hoops?

SPEAKER_03 0:19

No, it looks like he stopped.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

What is what is it that Tony's doing right now?

SPEAKER_03 0:24

Um like why was he shooting hoops?

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Or can you give our our listeners a little recap of what's going on with Tony?

SPEAKER_03 0:33

Yes, prior to this recording, we were all making fun of Toby because he's outside my office window shooting hoops in our driveway.

SPEAKER_02 0:40

Alone.

SPEAKER_03 0:41

That was the key word. No, no. He went and saw the kids and said goodnight to them and then he ate dinner. And then he did the hoops. Oh, I thought you said he like just got home from something. He got home like 30 minutes ago. Like not Oh. He didn't immediately go to the driveway.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

I thought he literally got home from work, got out of the car, went to play hoops. He's back. Wonder where he went.

SPEAKER_03 1:05

He's hooping hoops again. He's playing hoops again. He's hooping again.

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Has he seen? I haven't looked in the fam chat yet. Has he seen that everyone's shitting on him playing basketball yet? No, I don't think he has his phone or cares. So he just thinks that this is a private moment that he's having. Totally.

SPEAKER_03 1:21

I think he saw me recording him. He totally did. He's just blowing off steam.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

Kat, how's your week? Good. What day is it? Wednesday? Pretty solid. You know, just getting bigger over here. Getting bigger. Any any popping? I wouldn't say popping, but one thing I do really notice is when I eat or eat slightly too much, I can literally feel my stomach muscles expanding, and I'm like, oh my god, that hurts. And so I really need to eat less or something like that. Can you can you still fit into your regular pants? No. Sadly, that ship has sailed. That's really sad. Unless I put them on first thing in the morning and it's still super tight. It's just, it's not possible. Which is why I just did a big haul. I have like a pile of clothes in the corner of my room, all dresses, because it's all that fits. So I need to I have on my to-do list to do just a complete closet re-haul and basically take anything that's probably not gonna fit me in the next year and set up my pickle account finally. So that a pickle account from what the girlies tell me is basically you can rent your closet out to people. So if I put a dress on there, like honestly, it's very good for like wedding dresses. Look at Erin's judgy little face over there.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

She's like a second.

SPEAKER_02 2:47

And whatever people can like rent out your clothes and then they give it back to you, and you make some fucking money on the side. That is really my motivation. Is how can I make a little kaching ka-chang? You know what I'm saying? Well, it's really smart to do it with clothes you're not wearing during wear them for like a year, so I might as well.

SPEAKER_03 3:05

So you're gonna like let strangers wear them and then return them to you. Yo, obviously, I'll get them dry cleaned, you bitch. They don't have to dry clean them, they can return them to you without dry cleaning them. No, I believe there's rules, I just haven't read into it. But like you know, in my mind, I thought about starting this business 10 years ago. And then I was like, no, the logistics are way too annoying, and it would be a pain.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

Yeah, like I do have to confirm what the policy is of if they break something or rip something, who is liable for that? I don't know. It seems like a good deal. I'm gonna try it out. Try it out.

SPEAKER_01 3:41

Might as well. A lot of my friends swear by it. Yeah, everyone pickles things. I would totally do that.

SPEAKER_03 3:48

I you to be clear, I love secondhand stuff. I buy stuff from real the real real regularly. If I like something, I'm I'm very black or white. I'm either like, I like this and I'm gonna keep it, or I don't like it and I'm gonna get rid of it. What you should do is you should rent it out multiple times and then sell it. Exactly. I'm just out here grinding, okay?

SPEAKER_02 4:08

I'm very interested to see how this plays out for you. I hope it's worth the effort. No, no. It so this is why I've kept putting it off. It is so much effort. Let me tell you.

SPEAKER_03 4:18

You should just go sell feet picks on OnlyFans. Honestly, that's way more than that.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

I've considered it. I I every probably once a month, I highly consider it.

SPEAKER_02 4:26

This is it's the pickle thing has been on my to-do list for, I'm not kidding you, like a year.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

Just think about what your time is worth.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

That's all I have to say. I mean, not much right now.

unknown 4:36

Not true.

SPEAKER_01 4:37

No, but is this gonna take up your needle pointing time? Oh my god, I have too many hobbies.

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Well,

Hobbies and Time Management

SPEAKER_02 4:44

guys, are you gonna cry?

SPEAKER_03 4:44

Are you gonna prioritize this like above or under your piano lessons? So that's above currently.

SPEAKER_02 4:52

Right. Yeah, piano, I think, is probably not happening. Needlepoint has replaced piano.

SPEAKER_03 4:57

You are such a granny.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

You know what? I'm a grandma. Kat has true granny like hobbies.

SPEAKER_02 5:05

I just like granny things. Like, who doesn't?

SPEAKER_01 5:10

Um but I like to party totally. Sometimes uh for sure. I know. No, I actually wasn't trying to. I was thinking that I was going to schedule some reservations for the summer. And not that you're getting cut off the invite list or anything, but I was like, oh, 4th of July, maybe I'll make this late night reservation at crew or something. And then I was like, No, I'll still catch gonna want to go. No, you're not gonna be. Just to feel something. I'll you're not gonna want to go. You're not gonna want to go.

SPEAKER_03 5:46

Yeah, although I am. We need we do need to go to some concerts. Oh, I know. What JoJo? Oh my god, how about Jesse McCartney? Jesse McCartney.

SPEAKER_02 5:55

Jesse McCourtney is I just want to go to observe his plastic surgery. We need Jesse McCartney and Jojo.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

Guys, Jesse McCartney after this. Jesse McCartney performed at my freshman year orientation at Bucknell, and it was jarring. He came out on stage and everyone was like, Is that Jesse McCartney?

SPEAKER_03 6:15

Okay,

Nostalgia and Music Video Memories

SPEAKER_03 6:16

so we were talking about Jesse McCartney the other day in one of my group checks, and I I brought up the fact that I thought his leaving music video was the most iconic thing I had ever seen. So I rewatched it and it's not iconic at all. It doesn't age quite like sorry by Biebs. You know what I mean? Doesn't age the same.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

Did you run back Beautiful Soul, where he okay. You know what I'm actually confusing now for real, is whether the Jesse McCartney music video is him with a teacher, or if this is now the diva and dons version of the music video where it's someone doing beautiful soul and singing to a teacher. I think it actually might be that.

SPEAKER_03 6:58

I think I think that was divas and dons.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

I think that was for context for our listeners. Let's dive into this. YouTube before YouTube even existed. I had such a hyperfixation on this as a child.

SPEAKER_03 7:14

One of Aaron's friendshield, shout out to Peter Shield created created this website, and it was a music video competition. Basically, a peer of mine was very, very smart and very into music, and he created a website that hosted a bunch of yeah, like basically music video competitions amongst various teenagers at the time. And I think there were like three phases to it, and it had chat rooms, and all these people were engaging in it, and there were like chat wars over who should win the music video competition and voting. Actively voting.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

Oh, like it was me and Emma were posted at the desktop computer rewatching these videos.

SPEAKER_03 7:56

Oh my gosh. I mean, and he's he works in the industry now. I think he works at Spotify, he's super smart. I mean, very, very gifted. But yeah, he was 17 years old when he did all this.

SPEAKER_01 8:05

The Hillary Duff Clean music video was some of the best. Work of art. Work of art.

SPEAKER_03 8:13

I'm just saying, I should have won the entire competition. I shouldn't have come in second. But when Aaron for Barbie Girl, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:19

For Barbie Girl, when they lost, we were all up in arms. It was just a travesty. It was so wrong.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

Your video was objectively better. Aaron was a sexy little Barbie girl in her fur coat.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

And it was chat to Lily's mom. I will never forget when we watch it all crowded around our desktop computer in the kitchen, and dad saw it and he was like, What the fuck? I know.

SPEAKER_03 8:45

He was just like on phase though, because he's like your psychologist.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

No, he he saw well before his time. I wish content was still like that these days. Why? Yeah, because bring it back. Bring it back. I finally you guys got the brick. Finally. Took you long enough. I know, it took me long enough. And then I actually had to bring myself to activate it. But in my morning consumption of content, I was catching up on all things off campus, obviously. Have you seen the latest drama with Miss Allie? Mika. Mika. Yes. Sorry. Who's Allie? Me the Allie and Dean, the actress. Okay. Have you seen the drama? Tell us what the tell the audience. Okay. So this is again, we are not sponsored by off campus. Should be. Should be. Amazon Prime.

unknown 9:39

Should be.

SPEAKER_01 9:39

Bezos, give us a call. But basically, it came out that Mika and her fiance of like five years or something just broke up, called off their engagement. This new footage is circulating of a podcast that they did a couple last year or something. And her, her and her man, he's a gremlin, if you will. Sorry. And the podcasters interviewing them are a couple. One of them's a Disney kid interviewing Mika and her boyfriend. The interviewer asks, How would you describe your partner? The interviewer says something really nice about his girlfriend being like, She's the most amazing person I've ever met. It gets to be Mika's boyfriend's turn. And he goes, uh, some bitch. So deadpanned. And it goes dead silent. And the do

Relationship Dynamics and Red Flags

SPEAKER_01 10:35

you say some bitch or this bitch? Some bitch. Some bitch. Oh. And it goes so quiet. The interviewers actually don't know how to respond because he said it so seriously. And then later in the podcast, she's like, I'm really cold. Can I have your jacket? He's like, Absolutely not. I'm not giving you my jacket at all. No, I saw right before this. Jaw dropped. If my boyfriend ever spoke to me like that, one in person, but in front of other people like that, I would be really horrified. So do we think she dropped him finally because she was famous? There's speculation that she has a thing with Justin, who is like the other singer. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

I saw that video actually right before this. I agree. I think even if he was being like I was kidding, he said it in such a serious way. No, I need to look in the back. That I'm like, there there is hate in what you just said. Like it also wasn't funny. No. So he's a loser. So that's a red flag.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

He's a huge loser, but it just made me, it really made me pause and think. I don't know. I think boys get so caught up in it was a joke. Like I was being funny. No. Don't speak about me that way. No, no. Do not speak to me in such a manner. It's unacceptable. Respect. And I think that some men have lost the plot in in that sense.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

Think so.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

I think that it's a weird. I've I mean, I don't want to generalize men, but I think that in this day and age of dating, I think girls get more picky as they should, because I think there are less and less men available, and now more than ever is a time to be specific about who you want. And boys increasingly are like, girls take everything so seriously. It's a joke, just a level of immaturity. I I personally am not down with and feel like is a widespread issue.

SPEAKER_03 12:23

Hasn't this just like been the thing for eternity since like the dawn

The Impact of Online Dating Culture

SPEAKER_03 12:27

of time? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:28

I would be very interested to understand what the dating world is like today, especially with apps.

SPEAKER_01 12:36

Dating apps in general are just a really dark place. I think that they are. It's so exhausting, it's so transactional, and I think that it really puts a dark cloud over the world of dating. And it's so hard to meet people organically. Did you see? I was gonna say I read this article, but I saw it on like Instagram. That study that came out where 40% of men these days have never initiated a conversation with a woman in a bar or a person of interest at a bar? No one is going up and speaking to each other. It's all on dating.

SPEAKER_03 13:15

Why is it just about men? What about women initiating conversation in a bar?

SPEAKER_01 13:19

Totally, but it's like, can men just come up and talk to me at a bar? Do I have to do all the work and then carry the relationship for 10,000 years? Okay. So, Aaron, would you prefer to be the one initiating, or you don't care?

SPEAKER_03 13:32

I mean, of course, because I'm lazy. You know what I mean? Of course, I would prefer lazy. I mean, in in that scenario, I'm trying to recall. Yeah, I think you would prefer that they come talk to you. But then there's also a fine line where sometimes they're overly aggressive and you're like, can you just get a hint and leave me alone? I think it's nice to feel pursued, but it's very rare that people get the balance right of making somebody feel desired without being overly aggressive to the point that it feels a little invasive, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 13:58

Yeah, like creepy.

SPEAKER_03 13:59

Yeah. It's an art that not I think many people really understand.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

Yeah, I think that's fair. I actually was talking to a girl from work today. I was like, Oh, how did you and your partner meet? She's like, We met on Bumble, and I think it's one of the few success stories. I feel like I don't know a ton of people that go on Bumble, but I feel like it was like a decent amount of people, even my generation.

SPEAKER_03 14:19

Say my generation, because like the dating apps were like I didn't I missed the apps by like a month or something like that. But I have a couple of friends who they met their significant other through the person they're now married to through on a dating app.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

Yeah. Same. There's definitely been some great success stories, but I think when you first enter it, very transactional, and your focus isn't on the qualities that matter most in the long run of a relationship. You mean it's on sex? Totally.

SPEAKER_01 14:47

Well, it's interesting. I don't think hinge, I think it's based on physical attraction, but I don't think it's always based on sex because a lot of times you have to go on three dates before you know someone's not a serial killer. I mean, I guess it depends on it. I mean, you follow that rule, but do you really think everybody else follows that rule? Yeah, I guess that's people in my circle. I know follow that rule. But I mean, if you're catching a vibe, go for it. But sometimes these, if I have invented this person, I can't get it. What about all the people on Tinder?

SPEAKER_03 15:15

Isn't that the whole point of Tinder?

SPEAKER_01 15:17

Well, that's for sex. I'm talking about hinge. Got it, got it, got it.

SPEAKER_03 15:20

I think the reality is I'm sure the dating apps were a little better back when they first came around because people probably treated them with a little bit more gravity than they do now. Now they're just a commodity and an expectation. People are just, this is how you date. You date on the apps. Yeah. Versus back then it was this novel thing, and everybody was what the fuck is this? Yeah. So I think the combination of the internet, online dating, and a period of time because of COVID where people weren't really interacting socially has done a lot of damage to this whole process of dating and courtship,

Navigating Dating Apps and Expectations

SPEAKER_03 15:52

so to speak.

SPEAKER_02 15:52

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:53

Which is sad.

SPEAKER_02 15:54

Bring back setups and like blind dates. I know.

SPEAKER_03 15:59

I got set up on a couple blind dates. Sure you did.

SPEAKER_02 16:02

Yeah, it was fun. Benefit of having older sisters, you guys setting up.

SPEAKER_03 16:07

Although yeah, Toby sharing that throwback. And I know that was setting you up with our friend Colin.

SPEAKER_02 16:12

Oh god, we're name dropping, are we?

SPEAKER_03 16:14

Yeah, we don't need these last names. And he was a gentleman. He was like, She's too young for me, which I was I respect that.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

Right green flag for him. Green flag, honestly. Green flag. Absolute green flag, Colin. And I commend you. That was probably the right choice, even though I'm super mature. As Toby said, I read it at a 26-year-old level, not at 23. Yeah. I would say emphasis though on like if you're gonna date younger, you still have to do it at the point where the other person is mature enough to totally be on the same page about things.

SPEAKER_03 16:47

Well, I think it's easier said than done. I think in theory, dating younger is great, but I think it does actually create challenges for both parties involved if the if the gap is wide enough. For sure. I remember when I was on the apps, you were like, set your limit to 45.

SPEAKER_02 17:01

I was like, totally.

SPEAKER_03 17:02

Which hey, that's it a little bit older for like a fun 50-year-old fuck. No. Um, 50 is pushing it, I would say. But no, 45 is acceptable. 50 could be fun.

SPEAKER_01 17:14

I hooked up with a 38-year-old one time. That was crazy. Nice after it was funny. It was it was really fun. I was in the depths and hollows of single life. And my friend Christine, this is like years ago now. She's like, let's go to Shea Margot for your birthday. We had such a fun night. That was this did you meet Morgan opera? Was he? No. He was just at the at the place. And I thought he was maybe 25 and he was 38, visiting from London. Never saw him again. It was amazing. No expectations. No expectations.

SPEAKER_03 17:47

Do you feel like he was more skilled than prior lovers because of his age?

SPEAKER_01 17:52

There was a there was a respectfulness about him and a stronger sense of self, I think, that didn't feel so performative. Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

Claire, do you find that that is a common thread or thought amongst your friends that are dating

The Complexity of Age Gaps in Relationships

SPEAKER_02 18:09

right now?

SPEAKER_01 18:10

Associated with men being kind of performative or older being better? No, no, no. Performative. I think in some cases, yes, you hope that you get a well-rounded individual, but I think on dates sometimes the things they say, like you can kind of get a vibe and a good read of how that will translate to other aspects of your interactions with them.

SPEAKER_03 18:35

I went out to dinner recently with a couple of girlfriends from town whose kids are on class with my kids, and we were talking about how and when do you talk to your kids about sex and like what is suitable or whatever. But my whole thing is I've always really envisioned saying to my daughter, I don't at what age I don't know. Like, go have sex if you want to. I'm not gonna sit here and try and tell you that you cannot, but I'm gonna also tell you that it's a huge fucking waste of your time when you're in high school, and you should probably just wait.

SPEAKER_02 19:06

Just saying. Waste of time in the sense that you you think people are not ready at that age to engage.

SPEAKER_03 19:11

I think boys are bad at sex, very bad at sex when they're that age. They don't know what they're doing.

SPEAKER_01 19:17

God, I think at that age, though. Sorry. No, I mean that age though, it can I feel like it's so much more wrapped up in first loves and like that's a little bit about.

SPEAKER_03 19:30

But the counter to this, and this is what my friends and I discussed, is I think there's a level of pressure where you're like, in order for him to like me, I should have sex with him. I think I think that and the whole love thing get very confused with one another. They do. And so my point is I don't, I clearly haven't figured out, and I don't have a plan. You have some time, hopefully. I have obviously time, but my point is just it comes from the perspective of like female pleasure. Like it takes a while for guys to get that figured out. Totally.

SPEAKER_01 19:55

Some never do, I think. Agree, some never do.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

Many will and it's important to be an advocate for yourself and not be afraid to speak up.

SPEAKER_03 20:05

But I didn't even know that that was a thing when I was in high school and I was sexually active. I didn't even understand that I didn't even know what an orgasm was. Do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 20:14

Yeah, totally. I feel like a lot of people like probably don't tap into that until later, like college.

SPEAKER_03 20:20

Totally. I know. Doesn't Gen Z now like not even have sex? I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 20:24

I think people are I don't know if that's true. I think drinking less, having less sex, all that stuff. Maybe just more sober sex, and therefore people don't have their guard down as much. Could be could be a reason, but uh you would think that people are having better sex if there's less drinking going on.

SPEAKER_02 20:43

I have a question, and this is like a little bit of a side tangent, but this conversation is making me think of this person. Who is that um looks max or guy?

SPEAKER_03 20:55

Oh like Cornelius or something. He seems not well. I don't know. He's like um hold on,

The Influence of Societal Pressures on Sexual Relationships

SPEAKER_03 21:02

googling it. No, he's not okay.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

It's sad. Like he'll hook up with other chicks in front of his girlfriend. She likes that. Is that a voyeurism thing? No, she actually do doesn't look pleased by it. Cavicular. Clavicular. Clavicular. Why is his is that his real name? Yeah, I mean, obviously he's or is it his stage name?

SPEAKER_03 21:21

I think it's a stage name. I mean, he seems sounds like a cancer. He's like someone that's not even worth us discussing, to be honest. Just so many red flags. Red flags. Also, I have to say, any guy that cares that much about what he looks like, major red flag. Yeah, like I know I've joked about this before. I'm not joking, I'm actually completely serious. I'm like, Toby, you could dabble in a little bit of Botox, you know, area.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

No, oh my god, it's not good.

SPEAKER_03 21:48

If he actually did that, I think I'd be like, what the fuck? You'd be like, that's gross.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

Yeah, no, it's weird.

SPEAKER_02 21:54

I like I hate to say this. Toby is aging fine without Botox.

SPEAKER_03 22:00

Talks, but if that was something that he decided to prioritize, I would question him as a exactly. We don't want to go down the path of Jesse McCartney, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 22:10

Like in the dating world, if you're like going through apps, immediate red flag for me was like if I saw someone take in a mirror selfie or some sort of selfie on their profile, I'd be like, next.

SPEAKER_03 22:20

Claire, remember last summer when I like I paid for your advanced subscription to whatever hinge.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

Aaron forced me to, she paid for it, but she forced me to get the $90 Supreme hinge one. It was so funny. And we just laughed so hard going through all of the options. If I had any advice for men with dating profiles, or so much advice. So much advice. I would like a healthy mixture of solo shots as well as group shots. I think the perfect balance is two to three people in your photos. You can get one big group photo if you look particularly good, but you need one or two solo photos so we know who you are.

SPEAKER_03 23:05

But not a selfie. Not a selfie. Why does this man have solo photos? I don't have solo photos of myself unless I have like a foot photo for work. I shouldn't say a solo photo, like maybe they crop

Dating Profile Trends and Preferences

SPEAKER_03 23:16

their friend out. Like it's just them in the like if they had a bunch of solo photos, I'd be like, you're a fucking loser.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

Or they look really good in their like LinkedIn composite shoot that they had to get for work. Maybe they can put that in there. Okay. No, no fish. I agree with the no fish thing. What's no fish? No fish. Where men always are holding up fishes that they caught. Like, I don't care about your fish.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

I mean, a fish isn't a deal breaker for me.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

Is that a deal breaker?

SPEAKER_03 23:43

Sorry, that's a trend.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

Men care are holding fish. In pictures, it's a big trend. They always have pictures of them holding a massive tuna. I don't care about your boat.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

I mean, like, to me, that's just a hobby. Like, if you like to fish, then fine. Kat's like, if you like to needlepoint, then I'm gonna leave my husband for you.

SPEAKER_03 24:03

Then take your take your picks. There should be literally a consulting firm that you hire to come in and be like, make my profile as appealing but also effortless as possible so I can attract the best possible candidate. I'm gonna start this business

Authenticity vs. Image in Dating

SPEAKER_03 24:19

tomorrow. You should. Okay, but that's the tough material.

SPEAKER_02 24:21

Is what is the fine line between overmanufacturing your image but also being authentic?

SPEAKER_03 24:27

I mean, how are you putting in no effort? It's showing that you're actually putting no effort in, it's showing that you have a begrudging need or relationship with this app. You're like, I need to be on here because I want to meet somebody, but I think this is a ridiculous concept. So I'm gonna put no effort into this profile whatsoever. I'm gonna barely answer the questions. I'm not gonna try and be funny. I'm not gonna lie about my height, and I'm not gonna take any selfies.

SPEAKER_01 24:48

See, I think if you're trying too hard though in the prompts to be witty, it's a little bit, it's a little bit tough.

Picky Partners: Men vs. Women

SPEAKER_03 24:55

Who do you think is more picky? Which sex is pickier? Men or women? Women. Interesting. Men women. I heard some crazy stat that like a very high percentage of the male population is like under five foot eight or something insane. I was like shocked by that.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

I I do think the men in New York are getting shorter. Really? Something's in the water. Something's in the water. It's like how the men in Boston are short.

SPEAKER_03 25:19

Are they? I've like never really looked at any of the men in Boston. You only have eyes for your man.

SPEAKER_01 25:24

You have your man in Boston.

SPEAKER_02 25:25

Speaking of coming up on that 10-year marriage anniversary, congrats. I know. It's wild.

SPEAKER_03 25:31

Aaron, would you would you like to tell the class how you and Toby

Love Stories: How They Met

SPEAKER_03 25:34

met? We have known each other since we were 15 because we went to schools in the same area, and I went to an all-girl school and he went to an all-boys school. And I was friends with his group of friends because I dated somebody that he was tight with in high school. Then we went to college together, but we were just friends. He was a year older than me. And again, we had the same group of friends, and we I dated a different person that he was like generally friends with. And he hooked up with a bunch of my friends and blah, blah, blah. And then we randomly hooked up, like our first his second year in New York and my first, and we were like, this is too weird and gross. Um, we literally wrote each other these long, long, like not like love emails, but these whole things of should we or shouldn't we? And I'm so mad because this is all my work emails, so I don't have them. But I would go, I would kill, kill to read them. You guys are just saying I know. I'm shocked. Totally. And I don't mean to blow up his spot, but he was totally obsessed with me at the time and wanted to date me. And I was like, nope, too weird. And so then we And he obviously loved that. Obviously, and then whatever. We like went our separate ways for a few years, and then we randomly hooked up the night before Thanksgiving and then started dating. That's where it all happens. And then we the night before Thanksgiving. We got engaged a year later. So the night before Thanksgiving. A year later?

SPEAKER_02 26:56

Okay, I I remembered this so vividly. It has just really stuck with me. I don't know if you remember this, Erin, but you and Toby were dating. We were in Nantucket, and we were you and me, for some reason, were sleeping in Claire and Emma's bed. And we were talking about Toby and you guys were dating at the time. I don't know how long it had been, but I felt like it was like pretty early on in you guys dating. But I asked you, I was like, Do you think you're gonna marry this guy? And you were like, Yeah. And I was like, Whoa, you sound so confident. It hasn't been that long. She's like, I just know. Truly, that literally has been burned in my brain. You were just so sure about it. Well, and I'm gonna stop talking about this because I don't want to give Toby the, you know, inflate his ego.

SPEAKER_03 27:40

But I am, I am. We just knew we we had not we had known each other for so long. That's part of it.

SPEAKER_01 27:45

Yeah. But I think it makes it poses a good question, especially when you originally were like, uh no, it's too weird, whatever. What is the switch that flipped? Okay, this is this is my person. And kind of same question for you, Kat. What is the moment when you're like, oh, okay, but this is kind of my man?

SPEAKER_03 28:05

He had left New York and he was in Boston, and I kind of was like, Oh, this could never really be a possibility ever again. Yeah, and it's funny because when we got together, that's the most fun I had dating in New York, really, kind of actually ever. And so I I would have been happy to continue to date, but then frankly, we had sex, and I was like, eh, this is not bad. Oh my god, ew. Um, that really was it.

SPEAKER_02 28:32

That's all she wrote. That's all she wrote. Rest is history. I feel like honestly, for me, I feel like I was a very particular person when dating. Yeah. And I always kind of knew in my head if something was gonna work or it wasn't going to work. I I was a very bad liar to myself, if that makes sense. And I feel like with Kellen, the signals that told me it was something was I didn't have those feelings. I never was icked out for any reason. And for me, that was extremely easy with guys that I dated. Um, and I also feel like, well, we both got COVID very early on when we were kind of dating and we spent four days together in my studio apartment, and we had fun and I wasn't sick of him. So I was like, huh.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:18

So I like hanging out with you. You don't annoy me, not all the time. Um and also I and I I bet you guys would agree when he met all of you guys and got along so easily with everyone, and um that obviously is a no-brainer, but also I didn't really feel nervous about him meeting the family. I didn't feel like the internal anxiety, or I had to babysit him. I was just like, oh, this is easy, and he gets along with everyone. I I'm not worried about you. I think that was the final signal where I was like, okay, this is yeah,

The Concept of Soulmates

SPEAKER_02 29:56

I have a very controversial question.

SPEAKER_03 29:58

Oh, love these. Let's hear it. And Toby and I talked about this in the night, which is why I say, and everybody's gonna think our conversation is controversial. Do you believe in soulmates?

SPEAKER_01 30:11

Um platonic soulmates or romantic soulmates, not romantic, as in like there's only one person in the world for you.

SPEAKER_02 30:19

Toby literally asked me the other night, he's like, Do you do you believe in soulmates?

SPEAKER_01 30:23

And I was like, Fuck were you guys talking about? So cute. I love Toby.

SPEAKER_03 30:27

No, and I told him that he is your soulmate. No, and I was like, Do you? And he was like, No, I was like, Me neither.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

I I but that's why you guys are soulmates. When you were, see, when you were telling your story, for me, the way that you are is so special and unique. And I literally don't know who else in the world could match you in the way that Toby does. Like, I I think you guys are absolute soulmates. If not soulmates, you were perfectly made for each other. Yeah, you're an impeccable match. Impeccable match.

SPEAKER_02 31:02

But I the world is so big, like you realistically think that there's legitimately only one person in the world for you. No, I just don't believe that. No, no, I'm in agreement with you.

SPEAKER_03 31:13

Like that's which doesn't mean that I don't I think you can have a couple of soulmates. I'm not saying you have a match with a gazillion different people, but you're right. I just think there are tons of people in the world, and I just don't know that I believe in it. I maybe I do for some people, but like generally speaking, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

I I also think about how many instances in which, you know, maybe a couple has a really lovely marriage in a family, and for whatever reason they part and go their separate ways because life, yeah, and then they find another soulmate in part two of their life. Like I so I think in that sense it's yeah, like it's not singular to me.

SPEAKER_03 31:55

I agree.

SPEAKER_02 31:56

But again, but it's but I think no, but I I think the important thing there is saying that doesn't discount your person that you're with at all.

SPEAKER_03 32:07

Yeah, no, not at all.

SPEAKER_02 32:08

It's just I think a realistic thing about life.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

I think it's people having I think some people only have one great love of their life that they would probably call their soulmates, but I think there are like Cat Set examples where some people have several great loves of their lives, especially due to circumstance, whether and like lose someone for whatever reason of divorce, etc.

SPEAKER_02 32:31

Yeah. Exactly. And think about it, like you're a totally different person at 20 or 30 when you're with one person than you are at 50 if you find your second person.

SPEAKER_03 32:41

Uh a hundred percent.

SPEAKER_02 32:43

So I think the word is controversial, but I think when you dive into it, it's not all that crazy.

SPEAKER_03 32:49

Speaking of soulmates, just a quick diversion. We won't spend a lot of time here because you know we could go nuts. But I did just read two non-smut books, both beautiful romances. One Dolly All the Time, which I know I've told you guys about, but you need to get on it. I'm gonna start it tonight. Start it tonight. Dolly all the time. Like, let me add that to my good reads. And I love her books because she likes well, she ranges, but this one is another. It's her she writes about my demographic. This woman's my age, she's 39. And you just wait till you meet Stuart, you're gonna love him. Ah, okay. Okay, and then the other one is our perfect storm by Carly Fortune. I just finished it. That one just came out. Mm-hmm. Okay, wait, hold on, doll.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

I didn't like it as much, but I did like it. I love something about non-smut romance books, and this sounds so corny, but they make you believe in true love.

SPEAKER_03 33:44

And it's really like it's it's like I get so deep in the world, and then I it just consumes me.

SPEAKER_01 33:49

That's why I can't read too many. Very all-consuming. The book that really did that for me, where I had to step away, was Funny Story by I still read it. Did I read that? Erin? It is so good by Emily Henry. Uh I wait. That's the movie. She turned it into a movie. That movie sucked. No, no, wait, that was people we meet. That was People We Meet on Vacation. Okay. All right.

SPEAKER_02 34:13

Oh, is this about the girl that like breaks up with the boyfriend and got it? Stop. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 34:19

Oh, yeah, that's giving so much away. It's truly it was so magical and really made me. That was a book that made me believe in kind of soulmates, but the way they get there is a winding road. It's a window. It's a winding road.

SPEAKER_02 34:36

So yeah, go ahead. No, just like a separate observation. You both have create and maybe this is just me, you both have a crazy ability to remember books that you've read either years or months ago. I know I read funny story because I can see it in my good reads, but like I don't really recall the details.

SPEAKER_03 34:55

I can name all of the male main characters in basically every book I've ever read, which is insane because I can't remember Toby's phone number. Yeah. Yeah, that's really what so I should. I don't I it's bizarre. I remember these random little facts, and it's like I can't remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday.

SPEAKER_02 35:14

That's been happening to me increasingly. Someone literally on Tuesday was like, What did you do this weekend? And I was like, uh, I don't know, actually.

SPEAKER_01 35:25

Let me let me look at my calendar.

SPEAKER_02 35:27

Truly.

SPEAKER_01 35:28

It was just crazy. I also feel like Kat though, you're not. You're not as invested as we are. You're not as invested. You've never been the type of person where you're gonna stay up till three o'clock in the morning reading. You don't know. No. Aaron and I have that where you get so all consumed within these worlds that you just can't put it down. How could I forget? I put so much time and energy into this.

SPEAKER_02 35:54

Hey, I'll get all consumed, but up to a certain time. No, it's not like an unhealthy obsession. Yeah, no, I have a bedtime that I respect.

SPEAKER_03 36:05

Like I can't respect my bedtime when I'm reading a good book.

SPEAKER_02 36:08

I agree.

SPEAKER_01 36:09

That's how I that's how I am as well. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:11

Speaking of, I can't get into the LC Silver, the new LC Silver. I don't know why I'm upset about it, but I just can't get into it.

SPEAKER_01 36:17

Which we've been shown romance and now the smut is too much.

SPEAKER_03 36:21

No, I think I've just I think I've over smutted myself.

SPEAKER_02 36:24

I think I don't know how you haven't over smutted yourself. My capacity is two smut books in a row, and then I have to go read something that isn't brain rotting.

SPEAKER_03 36:33

I just I think I just realized wow, this writing is really bad.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

You

Rapid Fire Dating Questions

SPEAKER_01 36:37

know, yeah. I think when you read too many smut books, you have to be in this smut forward mindset to continue to consume only smut. If you step out of line at all, it kind of ruins everything. It really does.

SPEAKER_02 36:53

Wait, back to the back to the um like dating

Paying on Dates

SPEAKER_02 36:57

world. I do have some fast follow rapid fire questions that I'm interested in on both of your takes, considering we're we're multi-generational and maybe I'll have different opinions. Deal breaker if they don't pay on the first date. Deal breaker.

SPEAKER_03 37:14

Deal breaker.

SPEAKER_02 37:15

Elaborate.

SPEAKER_03 37:16

I feel like in theory, I should be a forward-thinking feminist because I am in many respects a very independent woman, but I'm just kind of like I'm old school in that respect. Like you can fucking pay for us to have a couple drinks.

SPEAKER_02 37:28

And I also think that something that people don't think about is like the amount of money that women put into making themselves look presentable for said date is far exceeding what a man is going to have to pay for one date, which is typically only cocktails, like you're not always going to dinner on the first date.

SPEAKER_03 37:48

Also, we have to have children. So like everything should be paid for for us.

SPEAKER_02 37:51

Honestly, such a point. Okay, guys, you heard it here first. Make sure you pay on the first date. We're still independent women, and that doesn't apply for every date. But if you want to make a good impression, then pay on the first date.

SPEAKER_03 38:03

The message I get if you're not if you're not paying on the first date is you're not interested in me. So if that's your if that's the message you want to send, then yeah, definitely do that.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

Yep. Okay, another one. Uh, deal breaker if they don't take the initiative to plan said first date. Deal breaker.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

All right, maybe not. If you want a deal breaker, I'll be really annoyed. I think the golden formula is hey, would love to get drinks or something. How do these dates work? And then ask the girl where she lives and then plan the date at a restaurant near her apartment in her area. Like, if I find out that you live in Brooklyn and you've scheduled the date in Brooklyn when I live in red flag, like wherever, uh that's really annoying.

SPEAKER_03 38:52

Most times they are looking to get lucky.

Initiative in Planning Dates

SPEAKER_03 38:57

And it's very easy. Take 30 minutes to put a modicum of thought into the date, and you are more likely to get lucky. It's not that fucking hard.

SPEAKER_02 39:05

I mean it's really not.

SPEAKER_03 39:06

Hello.

SPEAKER_02 39:07

Sometimes they have trouble though, like thinking.

SPEAKER_03 39:11

I don't think I think they are so bad at it that I will tell you, I again at this party the other night ran into an old friend who I went on a couple dates with, and I always say to him, I'm like, you were my best date ever. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:26

And it wasn't my friend Dan.

SPEAKER_03 39:28

He's the best. He's he is also single, and somebody should date him because he is fantastic.

SPEAKER_01 39:33

But hey, Dan, yeah, no.

SPEAKER_03 39:35

He took me. I know. Dan. I hope we don't get mad at him out here. But he it wasn't even that fancy of a date. It was just really like creative and thoughtful. We met, we went to PJ Clark's on the water in the financial district, and then there's some houseboat in out on the water. Like, this is so fun and thoughtful.

SPEAKER_02 39:56

And it shows that he like tried versus yeah, I think that's that's even very never tried. That's a very important point, too. And I don't want to speak on behalf of all women because people might have different tastes, but I agree. It's not about going to the nicest restaurant, but if you plan a fun activity or like it shows that you had to logistically plan to put something together, that I'm like, oh my God, you thought about this. Even if it's we're gonna go on a bike ride to go to this fun. I know you might not, whatever.

SPEAKER_03 40:29

But I'm just saying, like that's like I love helmets. Let's go on a bike ride.

SPEAKER_02 40:33

Cat wanted to be casted as uh I did go

Weaponized Incompetence in Relationships

SPEAKER_02 40:36

on a date one time where we biked around Dumbo and then went to a cute little outdoor lunch spot. And I was like, this is fun. Did you keep your helmet on for the date? I did not wear a goddamn helmet, okay? Although you should always wear a helmet, but okay. Um no, but I agree. It doesn't have to be the fanciest restaurant, just show that you have put in thought. That's your adult pro Max. You know what I mean? Truly, truly. Love you so much, Kellen, but I'm gonna put you on blast right now. The other day I'm getting ready for work. Kellen comes in, he's like, Do you know where that cup is that I, you know, have my coffee in? The one with the like the the thing on it, and I knew exactly what he was talking about. I was like, Yeah. And he was like, Do you know where it is? I was like, probably in the cabinet, unless there's a cup thief running around. And he was like, Oh, I can't find it. Did you look? And he was like, Yeah. And in my head, I was like, I'm gonna go in there, I'm gonna find this fucking cup immediately. And I'm gonna smash it on the floor and I'm gonna hit you. And no, I'm just kidding. I will smash it on the floor. Or I go in, yeah, move, move one cup to the side, it's sitting under another cup, and I look at him. You serious right now? So and he was like, Okay, I apologize. I I realize my mistake, but I was just it, it's just think.

SPEAKER_01 41:57

No, it's very it's weaponized incompetence, and it needs to be eradicated. It is eradicate that shit, man. Eradicate weaponized incompetence. You can be the one that breaks this. Yes, you can, please. It's a call to action to do better.

SPEAKER_03 42:16

I would say that in my household, we have made a lot of progress with weaponizing competence in the past. We love I will I will, it's really been a point of contention, but I will give Toby props. He has made some strides

Social Connections and Friendships

SPEAKER_03 42:30

because and I will say the same about Kellen.

SPEAKER_02 42:34

I agree. It has been a journey, but we're getting to a great place, and you just gotta keep pushing. You gotta keep pushing. Like the bed is is made in the mornings now, and I'm like, whoa, that's that's cool.

SPEAKER_01 42:48

For um for anyone who doesn't know, weapon weaponized incompetence is when men specifically act as though they don't know how to do something or intentionally do it poorly, so that you will do it for them. Because they think that you know we should do it more, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 43:09

I'm going to I've thought about that, but then I'm just like, oh god, I can't. Um okay, I have a few more questions for you guys. Please. Uh is it a deal breaker if they don't have a lot of friends?

SPEAKER_01 43:24

Yeah. Uh it's it's definitely a red flag. I need to know why you don't have friends. And I I I deal breaker. Yeah. It's more so I would like to see how you interact with people socially. Like if they have only three friends, but they're very high quality, perhaps. I agree with that. That's okay. I think quality over quantity for sure. I would rather that than them have a million loser friends who I hate.

SPEAKER_02 43:55

And I also because I don't want to be the complete center of your universe. I want you to have. Some people to hang out with outside of me.

SPEAKER_03 44:02

Well, also socialization as a couple and eventually as a family becomes very important. And you want to feel like you are both pulling your weight in that respect. I think there's some relationships where one person drives a bus and that totally works. Yeah. But if you don't want to be the bus driver, you need to have somebody else that's going to pull their weight. If you care about being 100%.

SPEAKER_02 44:20

Yeah. And that just gets more pronounced as you get older and you like start to have kids in a family.

SPEAKER_03 44:25

Yeah. And you just have to get to the bottom of why they don't want to have friends or don't have friends. Do they not have friends because they suck? Or do they not have friends because they are just more introverted and don't really it like having tons of friends doesn't fill their cup? Important distinction. But that's a hard thing to surmise at the beginning.

SPEAKER_02 44:40

It is, it is. So not maybe not an immediate deal breaker, but something to explore. So I mean it's red flag. It's like a yellow flag. Yeah. Okay. All right. Uh they call their mom every day.

SPEAKER_01 44:54

I think this is fine. Because I have a partner who talks to his mom frequently on the phone.

SPEAKER_03 45:05

Why are you calling him your boyfriend? Why are you calling him your partner? Partner. I don't.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

Such a good point. Actually, I find my because people at work refer to their is that a thing now? They're 100%. People no, you can be, but I think I get they do it so much at work that I in my head I'm like, my partner. And it's like, no, sorry, my boyfriend.

SPEAKER_02 45:24

No, I think uh I experienced this at work and then I started calling Kellen my partner. I think it's also like twofold. Like they're your partner, when what? Aaron's just like her face is like I think you naturally transition into calling them your partner when you're still dating, but you realize that they're your life partner. Okay, going towards marriage. I think it's just a more professional way to describe your person in a work setting. I think at a certain age, too, saying the word boyfriend sounds very immature or young, I want to say.

SPEAKER_03 46:00

So, like what is the age threshold where it becomes interesting too young?

SPEAKER_02 46:04

I don't know. Late 20s, early 30s.

SPEAKER_03 46:07

I I I refer to Kelsey as my partner, not you know, which is great.

SPEAKER_02 46:12

It's also c also common too. If you're dating men, women, just call them your partner. It's just easier.

SPEAKER_01 46:18

I think it is more of a woker Gen Z term, and I think I've just gotten so used to it hearing it that I didn't even realize I was doing that.

SPEAKER_03 46:27

But I when someone says partner to me, I'm just like, you don't seem like you're a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_01 46:32

I don't I disagree with that. I've said the word. I'm so sorry I have presented myself in this manner. Like I'm just like, oh, you're you're serious, you're stick in the mud. I also I I disagree with that. I also just being in a newer relationship. That's my boyfriend. I cringe at myself being my boyfriend.

SPEAKER_02 46:54

I feel so braggy, kind of like not braggy, but it is the word, the word is like something about it. Interesting. Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:05

I think that's a generational thing too, though. I was just saying you're not that much younger than I am. I'm sorry. You're super old. I just had like my professional eight years older than me. Catherine, I'm not eight years older than you, I'm seven years older than you. Get it straight, sister. Okay. Big difference.

SPEAKER_02 47:23

One year. Just kidding. No, I think it's a very professional versus personal situation. Okay. Anyway, moving on. I'll take it from how do we get on this one? Oh my god, we didn't even establish the answer to the question.

SPEAKER_03 47:34

Claire's partner talks to his mom on the reg.

SPEAKER_01 47:38

My my boyfriend, if you didn't know, um, he talks to his mom, but she likes to check in. And you know what?

SPEAKER_03 47:48

I that's why it's a yellow flag, not a red flag. It just is circumstantial. Circumstantial.

SPEAKER_02 47:54

It is circumstance. Explore it further. Yeah. You yeah. As long as he's not a mama's boy.

SPEAKER_01 48:01

Like he's not a mama's boy factor. He's definitely not a mama's boy. Like his mom is not doing his

Social Media Presence in Relationships

SPEAKER_01 48:10

all underpants business. Like, I feel like you hear stories where women talk about their in-laws really overstepping in some manners. If there was a situation like that, that would be really tough. But I think it's okay to talk on the phone.

SPEAKER_03 48:21

Totally okay. And but to be clear, I would I would be upset if the guy I was seeing was in the opposite direction. Like I want because I want to have a relationship with my sons when they're older. You know what I mean? I think it's just you always hear of the stereotype of the crazy overbearing mom and the mama's boy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And nine times out of ten, that doesn't really actually exist.

SPEAKER_02 48:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:44

It's actually interesting. There are these videos that have gotten really popular, one that went viral of these college hockey players, and they're asking them how frequently they talk to their mom. So many of them are like three times a day. It's really crazy. It's cute. It's excessive.

SPEAKER_03 48:59

It's cute three times a day. Okay, I don't care if you're I'm removing the flag from this one.

SPEAKER_02 49:06

I'm not giving it away. But let me just say, male or female, that's a lot. I don't talk to anyone that much.

SPEAKER_03 49:13

Me neither. I mean, I literally like I don't talk to mom on the phone nearly that much. Yeah, I think a lot of people do. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe we're just not as needy as most people.

Deal Breakers: Work Spouses and More

SPEAKER_02 49:25

Well, there's six of us, so Cheryl only has so much of herself to give. To give. Totally. Queen Cheryl, Mother of Dragons. Uh speaking of social media, deal breaker. If they don't have social media, no, I would give that a green flag. Agreed. Green flag, you're ahead of your time. Love your priorities.

SPEAKER_01 49:44

If you have no digital footprint, I and I in say it was a hinge situation, I'd kind of be like, is it a catfish? I would like you to.

SPEAKER_03 49:54

So what's the fine line?

SPEAKER_01 49:56

If there's no digital footprint whatsoever whatsoever, I need to be able to find you on LinkedIn at least with a photo.

SPEAKER_03 50:03

Yeah, like for example, Toby is not a social media guy, but we know how much he loves LinkedIn. You know what I mean? That's such a LinkedIn guy.

SPEAKER_02 50:13

Yeah. But that was 10 years ago. True. Um, they have a work spouse.

SPEAKER_01 50:20

Fuck ass no. Literally no.

SPEAKER_02 50:24

Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_01 50:25

If I ever heard the term work wife enter my household, we're gonna have a huge problem. I do not agree with that.

SPEAKER_02 50:32

This is slippery slope there.

SPEAKER_03 50:34

I wouldn't care if he was like tight with a woman he worked with. I but if he referred to her as his work wife, I'd be like, you're a loser, you know? I wouldn't even say loser, I would just be like, that's consuming.

SPEAKER_01 50:44

I'd be like, it's inappropriate.

SPEAKER_03 50:46

I just would also just be like, you're a tool.

SPEAKER_02 50:48

Yeah, super nerdy thing to say. Yeah. Okay, I have some some more just because these are fun. Would you rather date someone who's always late or always on their phone?

SPEAKER_01 51:00

Always late.

SPEAKER_02 51:01

Either. What?

SPEAKER_03 51:04

Neither. I don't want either. I don't want either option. They both suck. Well you have to answer. That's the point of would you rather, Granny?

SPEAKER_01 51:10

It's not the game. You gotta play.

SPEAKER_02 51:13

How late are we talking? 15 to 20 minutes consistently. I mean, that's Aaron's. That's like basically your happy.

SPEAKER_01 51:18

That's my life. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:20

I guess always late.

SPEAKER_02 51:22

Okay, great.

SPEAKER_01 51:23

Um, my only issue would be like I'm always kind of late, so I sort of need someone to keep me on schedule, but I'd rather we be late together than someone on their phone all the time.

SPEAKER_02 51:33

Just no one should be late because being late is rude. I know.

SPEAKER_01 51:36

Yeah, it's super rude.

SPEAKER_02 51:37

Don't do it. I know. Um, would you rather date someone who is broke but ambitious or rich and unmotivated? In the crowd. And let's get this into further context. You're you're your late 20s. Okay, my late 20s. So we have no children. No children.

SPEAKER_03 51:56

No children. Okay. And I'm I looking to just have a fun time, or is this I'm looking for my life partner?

SPEAKER_02 52:02

Life partner.

SPEAKER_03 52:03

And what kind of wealth are we talking about? Are we talking about like generational wealth that can carry me through to my grandchildren? Couple mil.

SPEAKER_02 52:11

Actually, no, I take that back. They have a really good job. They work at a hedge fund and they could make a million a year, maybe. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 52:22

But they don't have any family money.

SPEAKER_02 52:24

Sorry, so what's the question again? Would you rather date someone who is broke but ambitious or rich and unmotivated?

SPEAKER_03 52:32

I think if they're really because of their job, then they're inherently motivated. Their daddy got them the job or something. You don't get daddy doesn't get you that kind of job. That's not how it works.

SPEAKER_02 52:41

Aaron, it's a game. Sorry. Oh God, you're so difficult. No, let me let me let me let me walk this back. You are broke, but you're extremely ambitious. You are rich and unmotivated, and you're rich because of family money. And you will continue to be rich for the rest of your life. Are you like, do you have other qualities, or are you just like a rich loser?

SPEAKER_03 53:00

That is all I can answer. Uh that's really hard. There are just lots of really hard because I've things that would shape my answer here.

SPEAKER_01 53:07

I want a really tell me. I I want nice things. However, I am two type A. There is something so unattractive. I'm quite broken ambitious. I would look at that person no matter how, even if it was in my chateau, I would resent them so much. I'd be like, you're just a lazy. I think I just wouldn't I just think I wouldn't respect them.

SPEAKER_02 53:31

That would be let's be real. You're gonna ultimately end up being in your chateau in the south of France having an affair with someone.

SPEAKER_03 53:37

But who knows? Maybe this guy has a really amazing personality and is motivated in other ways.

SPEAKER_02 53:42

No, she doesn't know how to play this game. No, she doesn't.

SPEAKER_03 53:44

Um fine, I'll go with broke and ambitious. Okay. Would you rather stay rich and no, I don't think so. I mean, yeah, there are too many caveats here.

SPEAKER_01 53:53

Think yeah, also think about your adult pro max, the way that you are, you wouldn't be able to function with a lazy person.

SPEAKER_02 54:00

And also, also, like just because this person is broke right now doesn't mean their ambition isn't going to take them to new heights.

SPEAKER_03 54:08

Yeah. It's hard on the body.

SPEAKER_02 54:09

Wouldn't you rather someone who made their wealth by pulling themselves up from their bootstraps? Obviously. They're a puncher.

SPEAKER_03 54:17

But it doesn't, it doesn't mean it's a guarantee.

SPEAKER_02 54:19

Yes.

Communication Styles in Relationships

SPEAKER_03 54:20

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 54:22

Would you rather date someone who overshares everything or communicates very little?

SPEAKER_01 54:28

Oh god, that's really hard.

SPEAKER_02 54:31

I think I'm going communicating very little. That's so you. Oversharing like icks me out. I still want you to talk to me, but I don't need to know every little feeling.

SPEAKER_03 54:41

When you say oversharing, do you mean like, oh, I took a huge dump?

SPEAKER_02 54:44

Or do you mean actually I'd argue that I could do not those things.

SPEAKER_03 54:49

Or do you mean like it's like, can we look deeply into each other's eyes and really talk about the feelings we're experiencing? It's like, let's unpack this. Obviously, I would choose somebody that undercommunicates, look who I'm married to.

SPEAKER_02 55:00

Yeah. So true.

SPEAKER_01 55:02

Oh, I don't want an under-communication. This is gonna be tough for Claire. It is, but because it really also depends on the mood that I'm in. Agree. Um, but I am the type of person who sometimes needs reassurance and validation. And I think that if I had a really silent person, or if I was like, is everything okay? And they're like, Yeah, I I would I would struggle with that. I I want I want to hear I want to hear your thoughts and what you're thinking from time to time. Appreciate Toby's stoicness, if I'm being completely honest. Yeah, that's why he's your soulmate.

SPEAKER_02 55:39

I know your your your son has inherited that trait. I know it's really crazy. He's just like a quiet little man. I literally had to be like, Do you still love me? What's going on in that little head of yours? He's very pensive. He is, he's such a sweetie. Yeah, he's a forward-thinking man. A hundred percent. Oh my god, yeah. I hate that bitch already. Yeah, no, but I'm not worried about the girl that he's you know he's gonna bring home an amazing person. Yeah, better. Man or a woman, I don't know, but they're gonna be amazing. Yeah, hope it's a man, honestly. But yeah, that'd be sick. It'd be less chaotic. So sick.

SPEAKER_03 56:20

It'd be amazing. So sick, so much less chaotic for you and dramatic. So much less chaotic. This is why I'm very motivated to do very well in life because I have two sons, and the way that I'm gonna keep them in my orbit is by bribing if they choose if they end up being straight, by bribing their female partners with nice vacations and clothing. Yeah, I know how this works. Yeah, that's super smart. That's why I'm planning ahead. Yeah, as you should.

SPEAKER_02 56:47

You you gotta do two boys.

SPEAKER_03 56:50

You can't be needy, you know what I mean? You gotta let them do their own thing, you gotta let them come to you, and you gotta be able to bribe them with things. Right. Totally. Okay, wait, so Catherine, what would you choose? Under communicator or over communicator?

SPEAKER_02 57:02

Under. Under okay. Listen, it's not the perfect answer, but that's the point of this game. Like, yeah, gun to my head, under. I I just I get the ick when there's too many feelings, and I'm like, okay, yeah, take it down. Like, I am around. Take it down and not yeah. Exactly. And honestly, me myself, like I don't I don't want to really I think you can have those conversations like without being icky. Yeah, you know what I mean? You can have matter-of-fact conversations about your feelings um in an adult-like way that isn't needy feeling.

Processing Emotions and Conflict Resolution

SPEAKER_03 57:40

I also like processing. I'm thinking about this because I had uh this discussion with my guru/slash therapist yesterday. And he was telling me about this thing called the emotional freedom technique, which basically to paraphrase is when you are feeling a feeling, instead of reacting in a way that might you might regret later, you sit in your emotions and you feel the feelings, but you take the time to process them by yourself before you react in how would he suggest that if the feeling is anger and I'm having a rage blackout? Oh, that was the whole that it's guys, it's me we're talking about the whole context of this conversation. Was like, I'm generally pretty contained until I'm not. So how do I contain myself 100% of the time? And he said, through this technique, and you have to like tap different parts of your body. It sounds insane, whatever. I don't care, I'm not above trying anything. But the whole point is if you're experiencing a rage, let's say with your spouse, you remove yourself from the situation, you marinate in the feeling for a little while. There's again this whole technique, I'll send it to you, whatever. And but like you step away before you choose to respond to the person. Easier said than very wise.

SPEAKER_02 58:52

No, I think it's is the technique like you walk away and scream in a pillow, or well, he he did talk about that.

SPEAKER_03 59:00

Like, I literally he's like I actually literally used to scream. I joked, I did a lot of this last year, scream therapy. I'd scream alone in my car. Yep. Because I love that. Yeah, I'm very therapeutic. This is a little different. You like sit there, you know what? I'm just imagining Aaron screaming. No, I've I'm screaming at the time.

SPEAKER_02 59:17

I've definitely done that before, but you know what's super fucking humbling. I can see when you like try to scream and your scream comes out and it just doesn't sound good and it's not consistent and it breaks. And well, I didn't even do that, right?

SPEAKER_03 59:30

So I know it is a little bit more you're just pissed off more. Exactly. You're more pissed. Um, no, this is more this is a little bit more centered and controlled, where you're like, okay, I'm feeling the thing, and I'm gonna tap myself in all these different places, and I'm gonna forgive myself for feeling the thing. Whatever. It sounds batch it crazy, but my point is that I don't necessarily I like to try to process my feelings on my own and deal with it on my own time versus talk about

Rituals and Routines in Relationships

SPEAKER_03 59:55

them with somebody else. Oh, I'd like to get better.

SPEAKER_02 59:57

So this is another question that I think people will have varying answers to. Would you rather uh go to bed angry or talk about it first?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:09

Talk about it first. I mean, it's theoretically, I'd rather go to I go to bed angry. That's what I do.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:16

I agree. But and the reason I sometimes do that, and obviously the stubbornness intent. Well, yes, the intent is never to go to bed angry. That's never the goal. But if I really am angry, I choose to do it because sometimes it's better to, like you said, sit in your feelings, let them marinate before you say something that you are going to regret because you're just too overcome with emotion to think straight.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:46

I am ruled by anxiety, so I can't do that. But what I have actually done a couple times is rather than when I really want to go to bed angry, like I'm going to bed, I love you, but I'm really fucking pissed off. And I need to, I need some space.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:05

Gotta make sure I love you.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:07

But I have to make sure I tell this person I love them.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:09

Why do we all have that? Well, I remember when I no, you know what? When I got married, Craig's parents got me a needlepoint pillow thing that it's like a door hanger thing, and it says, always kiss me goodnight. And his mom was like, I get this for every new couple. Because it really is the motto you should swear by. Always kiss me goodnight, aka never go to bed angry, which I completely agree with. However, it is easier said than done, especially if you're a stubborn, vicious bitch like me. Yeah. Yeah. I can be a huge bitch. It's just no, you have more compassion.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:45

I could be a bitch too.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:46

Yeah, totally. I can be a butch. I could be a bitch. Like as I'm a bat. A little bit of a bitch.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:52

I really like that policy, and I also really like the policy of always kiss me goodbye before you go to work in the morning. It's just like a good routine to be in, and it sets you off to have a good day. Totally.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:03

I'm not gonna lie to you, it really doesn't impact my day if Toby kisses me goodbye or not, but like it is a nice routine.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:09

The other day, like we were about to leave and I realized we didn't. I was like, wait a second, like you have to come kiss me goodbye. It's now just like a thing. I love that.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:17

I'll be anxious. I'm like, wait a second. You know what? Mike HUD is ups. He has got this like weird OC, not weird, it's very cute, but this OCD thing where in the morning when I leave, he's like, kissing a hug, kissing a hug. And if I don't give it to him, he freaks out.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:30

No, I am HUD and HUD is me. He's my he's my soulmate. Yeah, literally. No, like I fucking love that.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:38

But usually he has like food all over his face. So I'm like, no, I know.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:42

I think the last time I gave HUD a kiss, it was slobber city. I was like, what?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:47

Yeah. HUD's a slobber. It's it's a cute ritual, and I I like it with Toby, but what I care way more about is that he does it with the kids. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:55

Of course, that is important, and it's just sweet, it's very sweet.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:00

Anyway, any other good little questions for us?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:03

Um you know what that's all I had, and that's all she wrote.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:09

That's all she wrote.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:10

I think we tapped into some good stuff there. Anyone have any burning TBLs that they'd like to share before we part ways?

SPEAKER_01 1:03:16

My burning TBL was that I I got I'm trying the brick. And it's been tough, but we are making it work.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:25

I am, I actually, I don't even know her name, but I found this like random woman on Instagram. She's adorable. Send that to me. I just bought, I just bought a bunch of them because they're well priced. I was like, maybe they're like shitty in person. Yeah, they're so cute for like you need to send that to me. Wait, I need that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:45

I've been on the hunt for good necklaces. I suddenly want necklaces, and I cannot find them anywhere.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:51

Kat roped me into getting a necklace recently. We went to the store. She made the woman hunt down this the wholesaler. Hired me and ordered them special, and she's like, I'm gonna get you one. Yeah, it's they're very cute.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:07

It's just a gold clasp thing with an oval diamond thing. Love. Very cute, simple. Yeah, so that was a buy. Two things I'm loving Lucky Charms and just cereal in general. Late night cereal hits like no other. Totally. And Jacob Alordy and Kendall Jenner.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:26

They're everything. Them in Tokyo. This little loved up press tour is really. You see the little hand holding happening. Yes, yep.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:34

They're just so odd. I think they're like funny.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:37

I don't understand that.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:38

But they're part, they're both, as Claire says, they're both horse girls. It makes perfect sense that they're together. They're so compatible. They're so compatible. I think they're the real deal. But like I'm worried about Olivia Jade, if I'm being honest. I do think she'll be fine. Why are you worried? She'll be fine. I don't know. Like, I feel like they've been together for a while. They've been broken up.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:58

They were together for two to three years. It's cut, they were kind of on and off. They were together as recent as the Frekenstein premiere.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:05

And yeah, listen, I wouldn't be mental state if my ex is dating Kendall.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:11

But she's gorgeous. She'll be just fine.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:15

Yeah. It's between that and his haircut. I'm just not I'm not hot. I think it's kind of hot. I know. I think it's kind of hot.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:21

I'm kind of over this like shaggy mullet 80s type hair.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:25

Honestly, like my ideal man right now is either is basically still Theo James. I'm just so boring. Or Belmont. Whatever his name is. Oh, he's so hot.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:35

He's really hot. And I love that he dates the writer on that on those shows. Whom? He's he's weird. She's not the writer.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:45

Of off campus. She's one of those. Why are we not being sponsored yet? I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:50

Someone has to make a call. Can you do something about this? Yeah, truly. Um, I believe she's a writer on off campus, but also other shows too. I forget her res her resume is pretty awesome, I think.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:02

Wow. Well, I think that's really cute that he's obsessed with her.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:06

I love I love that. And I love that Dean is engaged and his fiance was the one that told her to go after the role. Because she was like, You're Dean. She read the book and she was like, You're Dean, you need to go for it. Love that.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:21

If only I could inspire media in the ways that she has. It's really powerful.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:28

Um, and on that note, I'm gonna go have a bowl of Lucky Charms. Delicious.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:33

Love. Um bye.