My Mom Is Dead As Hell

In this episode Bee interviews Cait and special guest Catie about what it's like living with parents with cancer.

Trigger warning: death of a parent, cancer, death of a grandparent, dark humor about death and cancer 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome to Milk Drunk and Mental. I'm Kate.

SPEAKER_02 0:07

I'm B, and this is our guest today. Hi, I'm Katie. Hi. And today we're going to be diving into one of our more serious topics. Uh Kate and Katie both live or had lived with parents that had cancer. Was that too morbid to say?

SPEAKER_00 0:26

No. Had lived. Had lived. Previously lived with someone who had cancer. They're dead now. No longer lived. Yeah, my mom's dead as hell, so no longer live.

SPEAKER_02 0:38

Bring her in for a for a guest spot. Oh, hold on. Let me let me go get mom. Mom, I know.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

All right, hush. Oh, I'm late. Yeah, mom, you're running late. Hold on. Let me go grab her.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

She now she you gotta think she doesn't have it anymore in her afterlife.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

So she's cured.

SPEAKER_01 0:55

She's here.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

She wanted to be on the show, actually.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

She did actually.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Say hi mom.

SPEAKER_01 1:02

Hey girl. Love urns, beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

Well, that's from Home Goods. Home Goods, like 14 months. Oh, Home Goods, it's Slay. Slay. We love a $24.99 urn.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

It's just fitting. She was obsessed with Home Goods.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

I love that. Uh Kate's mother passed away from breast cancer, correct?

SPEAKER_00 1:23

She's still alive. She just lives in the urn now. Kate. I'm sorry. I can't say it's serious sometimes. I just have to throw the jokes out. Yes, I will. So she was diagnosed in 2012 and she died in 2018. It started as breast cancer and then it went away and came back, went away, came back, and then she died in 2018. And it was breast cancer the whole time. Yeah. So she had breasts, then it spread to her lymph nodes, then it spread to liver, then her brain. Like it just kept going everywhere. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

And do you know if it was the genetic one or if it was just a very normal case of it? The one that's the gene or whatever? Do you happen to know? Like the brain?

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Um, yeah. I think it was the gene. And then I was tested and I don't have it.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

Okay, so um, Katie, do you just want to introduce yourself and give us a little background on cancer in your family?

SPEAKER_01 2:20

Yes. So my name's Katie. I grew up with Brittany, so she's known the people I'm gonna talk about for pretty much our whole lives. So my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2012. She beat that, and then unrelated out of my direct family, but my father-in-law had pancreatic cancer around the same time he beat that. And then in 2021, he was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. Um, he passed away from that in 2023. About almost exactly a year after he passed away, we found out that my dad had stage four lung cancer. Um, he is still alive, he's doing good. Um, and then like three months after we found out my dad had lung cancer, we found out my sister had breast cancer. Um, so she had surgery for that last year, and she found out a couple months ago that it has come back. So she got surgery again. So she's currently dealing with that. Jesus Christ. Lots of 50% of my family has some form of cancer. My mom has a lot of skin cancer, not like melanoma or like that, but a lot of concerning spots on her skin. So that's led to a lot of dermatologist appointments and stuff for everyone in our family.

SPEAKER_02 3:29

If you don't mind sharing your decision to not have children based on this.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

Yeah, so because of everyone in my family having these cancers, that there isn't really any kind of correlation that we can find as to why it's happening. I mean, my dad is a firefighter, he's been a firefighter for 40 plus years. So we're thinking his might be environmental related with the smoke, especially because it's lung cancer, but he's never been a smoker. Everyone in my family lives a pretty healthy lifestyle, so we don't know why this is happening. I'm looking into possibly getting genetic testing done, but I did decide to not have children because I don't want to pass on these kinds of genes to my children because my husband's family also has a lot of health issues. My husband in 2021 had a full cardiac arrest due to a heart condition he was born with. So, and then after that, we found out that his dad had lung cancer. So it's the past like five years have been a whirlwind. My husband survived. Uh, I had to give him some PR, but he Oh my god, a condition called WPW, which I guess is more common in boys. So that's just then like a big thing of why we didn't want to have children. And then also just like a lifestyle thing, too, but because there's been so many extreme medical conditions, and then all that has led to me having like severe anxiety, severe, like I've undiagnosed OCD and I think PTSD from all of it.

SPEAKER_02 4:58

I would agree with that for you.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

Yeah, like anytime something happens, I spiral and go into like a mental state that is out of control. Like I have panic attacks. They're better now. I do need to see a therapist. But they like yeah, my husband just got his wisdom teeth out, and he was like severely unwell. We I ended up calling the ambulance and taking him to the ER and all of that because with his heart history, I was like, I don't want to be trying to give you CTR again when you just got your wisdom teeth taken out. Thankfully, he was fine, and it's just the normal wisdom teeth pain. But God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

I'm sure you feel the same way. Yeah. I mean, usually my first reaction when I hear cancer illness or something, I obviously like make a joke. But yeah, I mean, I um no, it's this time of year is very difficult, you know. With Mother's Day, I actually had a good Mother's Day. I was shocked because, you know, Trigger's Day. So yes, it was. Uh, Mother's Day was was good this year. It's not been great, um, probably since she died. Um, and uh I just made a decision that I didn't want to celebrate it. I'm like, I know that I have good moms in my life and people that I love are moms, but I don't want to celebrate it. I I don't have a mom to celebrate it. You don't have to, yeah, yeah. So I just kind of made that choice a long time ago. And I was like, no, whatever you, whatever my family does, that's cool for you, but I'm just gonna stay home and do nothing.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

But how it was the the first year after my father-in-law had passed. Me and my husband didn't go to my parents' house because I was like, it's gonna be too hard. He was like, You can go, you can go. He's like, but I just want to stay home. And I was yeah, like, I totally understand that, especially the first one, the first couple. I mean, it doesn't get any easier, but right, especially the first couple of years, it's hard getting all those milestones and that person not being there.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

Yeah, absolutely. It's just uh it's just like the the one day that's a solid like reminder. Everyone's happy Father's Day, happy Mother's Day, you know, and you're like, I don't have a happy Mother's Day, I don't have a happy father, you know what I mean? Like it's just it's not a happy reminder.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

So but yeah, I feel like one of the worst things too is those memories that come up on like social media where like when that person might have been alive, like you posted something like celebrating them, and I feel like that like I don't look at those anymore.

SPEAKER_03 7:30

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

It's just because I don't want, especially if I know it was around a time where I was with that person, I just I feel like it's triggering.

SPEAKER_00 7:39

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Sometimes it also just grief is weird, it'll just happen. Um, you know, you'll be looking through pictures and you'll be fine. Or, you know, a couple weeks later, a couple years later, a couple months later, whatever, you're looking through pictures again and you're bawling your eyes out. It just you know, yep. It just uh hits whenever it wants to. Grief is a little fucking bitch.

SPEAKER_02 8:03

So yeah, obviously, I've never had a parent die. Um, it is one of my biggest fears in life. Truly, I think about it all the fucking time. Death is so weird for me though. I have had people, my grandfather just passed away in October, and I still I like this happened the same thing that happened when my uh one of my exes passed away. We weren't together at the time, but it was someone when we were together that was very meaningful in my life. And uh it was not a messy breakup. He moved and we wished the best for each other, and he's had a beautiful wife before he passed away. And for some reason, the like he passed away like way after we broke up, like a really long time. And it still I I've never cried that dramatically in my life. Like, you know, you see people in the movies and they like literally fall to the floor, like that happened to me. And I I Chad, somebody called Chad and and said, Hey, I just found out, and he was on the way to Home Depot or something, and he literally whipped around and he came running in the door like not a minute after I was on the floor, and literally for 30 minutes sat there on the floor with me and then carried me to the couch. And it's it for him and my grandfather. I I don't know if you feel this way, Kate, because it has been a while, and and I do feel better about my ex now, but I'm still in this stage with my grandpa and my dog. I had such a hard time believing that he was dead and that my grandfather's actually dead. I still talk about my grandfather like he's alive. I'll be like, oh yeah, like grandpa, oh, this is so rough or whatever. And now that my aunts and my dad are cleaning out his house and literally have a dumpster and they're throwing stuff in there and having a garage sale. It's just I got a box of all the things that I wanted from his house. Going through that box was like I think that's when I really cried for the first time because I'm like, how did someone's entire life boil down to just a box of random things that are gonna get thrown away? Right. It just literally makes me sick. And the thought of that happening with my parents is truly fucking terrifying. So yeah, I don't know if you guys have ever felt that way. Like you like don't even you don't believe that it's real for like I don't know if my brain is just like blocking it out for some reason, but that's what I fear the most about my parents. And they do so much, like I'm really close with them and they do so much for me. Like, I'm it's like, what the fuck am I supposed to do in the eye?

SPEAKER_03 10:29

Yeah. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

I feel like why is this person dead? Like they shouldn't be. They were so eat like not that age matter, but like my father-in-law was only in his early 60s. And I think like he's missing a lot. I mean, thankfully, he was able to be at our wedding and stuff. But he, like, why is he gone? I think when you hit those milestones, like you were saying, of like you get a box of their things or their house sells, like those hit you really hard. Yeah. When we had to close on the sale of the house, that was the house my husband grew up in. And yeah, so they and had to go through all of his things. And every once in a while, we still, when you see a family member like his uncle's or something, we'll like give him something that was his dad's, and I can tell he's happy like to get those things, but it's it's still weird. Yeah, and I feel like I think to myself, like, I don't know how I'm gonna do that if my parents passed away like too early. Obviously, like I want them to live forever, like, so if they pass away like early, right, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Cause I'm so close with my parents too.

SPEAKER_02 11:34

Right. And it's like, I almost hope I die first because I don't think I'm gonna be able to like fucking handle it, like truly. Okay, enough about me.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

I don't have a dead parent, so well, I'll jump in a little bit on this one too. Um so yeah, in terms of feeling like it's not real, I absolutely was numb to it for the first year, I would say. Um she died in June. Uh, and then that first holiday season, it was like I knew she wouldn't be there, but I couldn't, I couldn't cry. I couldn't feel anything about it. I just didn't, I feel like it was such an overload for my brain that my brain could not handle it. So the only thing it knew to do was just like pretend it's not happening, pretend it's not happening. And I do that with a lot of other things in my life. Yeah. But my I just, you know, it was like, oh, you know, okay, Thanksgiving, got it. You know, my family's like crying, they're like doing, you know, praying and doing like, oh, you know, we missed death, whatever. And I'm like, okay, time to eat. You know, I'm just like, I didn't know Christmas.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

Where you're like just ignoring everything and just existence. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

Yes, exactly. And I feel like I should be very upset about this, which I was, but I couldn't physically, yes, exactly. I couldn't express it. And someone mentioned to me at one point that for them, and I did kind of relate to this too, it feels like they're on vacation. It feels like they're on like a really long vacation and they're gonna come back, but you know they're not, but like you hope they do. You know, it's like you kind of you you feel like they are for a period of time, then you get to a point where you're like, Well, okay, I know they're not, but you still hope that they are. You live in like kind of a delusion for a little while. Yes, yeah, you're like, okay, they're not gonna, but like what if they did? You know, and it's just so grief is just fucking psychotic, honestly. Grief is the weirdest thing.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

Are your parents still were they still together or yeah, yeah. Okay, they were together. Like helping your dad through that as well. If you guys are close, helping him get through that loss. No, okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Um, he just kind of so my dad and I are very different. Um, he kind of like experiences grief immediately. My mom died, he had his moment. It, you know, he just kind of like he deals with things much different than I do. He also is very much, he's never gonna listen to this. So, you know, I can say whatever the fuck I want. But um, he's just very much uh he's very, you know, tough guy. It's like he's gotta like fit out, he's gotta be tough for his homies and keep it cool for everyone, you know, and show any emotion. Meanwhile, I show emotion. Well, actually, I'm a little uncomfortable with showing emotion sometime, but anyway, yeah, he's very much like that. So we definitely did not lean on each other through it, which was very hard to not feel like I had someone. I knew I had people, but like I never until I met Jake, my husband. You you know that I don't know why I fucking said that. Whatever. I haven't had anyone in my in my life until Jacob Reek is his name, guys. I'll give you social in a minute. But uh, I haven't I hadn't met anyone in my life that I was so 1000% fully comfortable with um until I met Jake. But that was my mom for me. We were best friends, inseparable. I'm an only child. She wanted kids so goddamn bad. She only got me. I mean, God bless, I'm the fucking best. Um, but yeah, yeah, it just it was it, it's obviously extremely devastating. And uh just to not have that support from my dad though, too, was really difficult because he's just there have been times where after my mom passed, probably even before my mom passed, where I I went to him crying and was like, Dad, I need help, you know, whatever. And he's like, Well, you know, uh, and he's like panicking, like low-key. I'm like, Dad, I'm just crying. Like, I'm helping through my yeah, I'm helping you through your mental breakdown while I'm having a mental breakdown and you're having a mental breakdown because I'm having like chill the fuck out. It's not that serious. I have to be the one to be like, it's not that serious, you know. Yeah, but uh but yeah, um, it's been it's been tough. Just uh I just never really felt like I could fully kind of like open up to people or rely on people because I didn't want to be a bother. You know what I mean? You know, just go through shit, you know. You I'm sure you guys feel that way and and certain aspects of your life with certain people. You're like, you're like, I don't want to, I don't want to bother you. And they're like, oh my god, please, no, I want to help you. And you're like, okay, but I'm definitely bothering you. I just it's it's hard. And grief is a fucking wild animal. So a lot of people don't know how to deal with it. They don't know how to deal with someone who is grieving, they don't know what to say, they don't know what to do, you know. And it's like you can't blame them, you know, because they've never been through anything that would cause them to grieve. So, I mean, you know, God bless them, but it just sucks to be like want to say certain things and talk about certain things, and they just don't get it. So it's yeah, they don't understand. So yeah, anyway, that's my spiel.

SPEAKER_02 16:51

Uh yeah, I hate, I hate talking about my feelings. I barely even do it with my husband.

SPEAKER_03 16:57

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 16:58

Every once in a while, it will like explode and both of you will get Snapchat of me like snot, hysterical, crying. Yeah, and it's over something dumb, like this dog just shit on the table at work. And then it's like, I'm still not usually talking about it, or Katie'll send a really nice message back, and but it I'll like see it like after my breakdown, like an hour later, and I'm like, Yeah, I'm fine. I'm I'm good now.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

You're like, Todd, that was embarrassing. What did I even say that for? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:28

It's like that TikTok thing, it's like, oh thank god I didn't freak out. So this question kind of ties into what we were just talking about. Um, if you want to go first, Katie, um, what do you wish that people knew about or understood better that maybe isn't really talked about that's very prevalent for you and your sisters or something?

SPEAKER_01 17:48

I think the biggest thing for me is having parents that are currently alive or family members that are alive with kids. I think I said before, I feel like I every time we have a holiday, it's exciting because I get to spend time with them or at least celebrate something. But then I'm like, is this the last time I'm ever going to get to celebrate this? Every time it's Christmas. I'm like, is I'm taking videos, taking pictures. So I'm like, is this gonna be my last Christmas with this person? Because I things can escalate so quickly. I saw it with my father-in-law. He was fine at our wedding in November of 2022, and then he severely declined in the spring of 2023, all summer of 2023, and then passed away. Oh God. Kate, what about that?

SPEAKER_00 18:27

That's a really good point. Uh, that you don't know if it'll be their last. Um, to kind of tie into that, um, I kind of did the thing that I explained that I did after my mom died. I did the whole pretend it's not happening, pretend it's not happening. My mom is like dad sick, and I'm like, we're good, you're good. You're gonna live another what, 40? We're we're fine. Yeah. So um, yeah, it's it's her last everything was 2017, her last holiday season. We had a we used to have ugly Christmas sweater parties, and my god, they were so fucking fun. But um, yeah, I just that was the first thing that popped in my head when you mentioned the holidays, and will it be the last one? Um something I wish that people knew about your family member being sick and after they die. Well, it's it's just extremely overwhelming. It's just it's just extremely overwhelming. It's like you might react the way my dad did, you might react the way I did, you might do something in between. You might you just don't know until you're in it. I always also going back to something you said, Brittany, how it's your deepest fear to have your parents die. It was always my biggest fear to have my mom die. I would literally sometimes, like after she was diagnosed, but not really kind of sure how it was going, kind of thinking, yeah, well, I mean, it did spread, but she does seem to be doing good. I would go to bed thinking about because my brain hates me. My brain would be like, What would you do if you were at your mom's funeral? Let's picture your mom's funeral. Let's do it. Is that fucking insane or what?

SPEAKER_02 20:01

All the time. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

So, and then I would get that like very, very scared feeling in my chest, and I'd be like panicking, and I'm like, Okay, okay, I just tell you about it. That's all. Yes. Yeah, it's well, maybe I'm undiagnosed.

SPEAKER_03 20:17

I was.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Um fuck.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

But yeah, it's uh that that's something that I struggled with a lot. And this might just be my general anxiety is when uh I hear that someone doesn't feel good, I immediately jump to it's the worst thing. Like they're gonna have cancer, they're gonna have like something people are like, oh stop being such a hypochondriac or something. Um it's never the worst thing. And I was like, but it has been like many times, it has been the worst thing that I could imagine. So it's just when people tell you, oh, just relax, relax, it's like I can't. It's like I can't. I don't know how to do that. Yeah, another thing, I'm a very jokey person. And so I think what people don't understand is if I make like morbid jokes and stuff, like you can laugh at them. And stop making the jokes, please laugh with me because it makes me feel better. Don't be right. Like you can laugh and joke around if I'm initiating it.

SPEAKER_02 21:14

It makes it easier for you in the moment, I'm sure. I know it does for me.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

Yeah, I know. I hate when people get like they're a little they're like, they don't know how to react. I'm like, dude, just just laugh. It's okay. I I give you permission. Me and my dead mom give you permission.

SPEAKER_02 21:32

Kind of tying into talking about emotions. Was there any emotions that you guys had that kind of surprise you? Maybe anger or I don't know, like jealousy or something. Any oh crazy that popped up for you?

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Yeah, jealousy, big time. Absolutely. I I still get jealous. I see people with their moms on social media, people I don't know, people I do know. And I it depends on my mindset if I've had I'm sorry, are you laughing?

SPEAKER_02 22:00

No, I was like, oh me, post because I pulled my mom on social media.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

No, well, I do get jealous of you guys. I love Peg.

SPEAKER_02 22:09

My mom has said before, because when we first started hanging out, I had said that I don't know, it came off that your mom was dead. And um, she's like, Well, I can be your mom anytime she needs a mom. Oh, she's so sweet.

SPEAKER_00 22:22

Oh my god. Peg is such a sweetie. But um, yeah, no, I uh yeah, that does happen. It depends on the mindset, depends on, you know, it it all just depends on the mindset. If I'm having a super like griefy time, or if I'm chilling, whatever. If I can just look at social media and just be a normal person, or if I'm really in my fields, missing my mom, you know, it's a certain day time of the year. This time of the year is always hard. June 5th is coming up, that's the anniversary. It'll be eight years. It just it's it's very hard. But yeah, I have gone through definitely more intense times of being jealous. It's not as intense as it used to be, but there was a period of time where it was very like I was like mad at people. I was like, why do you have a fucking mom and I don't? You know, like just so real. Very angry, ties into anger, very, very angry, very jealous, yeah, for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

I think frustration too, like I said before. It's like, why is this person who's the nicest person such like, why are is this happening to them? Not that I would ever wish anything on anyone, regardless of their personality or their past. But like my mom, who's been a who is a pediatric intensive care unit nurse for 30 years, my dad, who's a firefighter and 911 dispatcher, spends their life helping people. Helping others. Why is this happening to them? You know, I think that's it's just like what is going on in the universe that these good people are getting this shitty end of the stick, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:50

It's always the best people. It's always, it's always our favorite people that have to suffer. And I'm like, I don't get this. What trick is this universe playing on us? It just doesn't make sense.

SPEAKER_02 24:01

Is there this is more for I guess it's a question for both of you because it could be Katie with your sister right now. Um I don't know, Kate, if you did any like caregiving, but was there anything was that really hard for you to take care of a parent or Katie, your sister, after surgery or whatever? Like, is it almost awkward or like because you're the child taking care of her, or did you not do a lot of caregiving?

SPEAKER_00 24:26

There was caregiving at the end. So she went into hospice on May 17th, and that's only two and a half weeks. She was only alive for two and a half more weeks. It didn't get really bad until closer to because she just was they just loaded her up with meds just to keep her comfortable. So she wasn't even coherent. She was, you know, thankfully she was home, but she basically like lived in the recliner in the living room. Like she just couldn't wait to put diapers on her. Um, my aunt came over to help bathe her um at one point. She loved Diet Coke. So um we gave her Diet Coke like in a straw, she'd sip it, but it it's just another for me to pretend it's not happening, pretend it's not happening. Yeah, and uh yeah, that was I still see my hands in front of me, one holding the the bottle of Diet Coke, the other holding the straw and like dieting it to her mouth. And uh sorry guys.

SPEAKER_02 25:37

No, I'm crying too. Are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_01 25:41

Oh, I gotta say, I take a take a moment, Kate. I I'll say like that. I didn't have to do any caregiving necessarily with my father-in-law. My mother-in-law did a lot of that, even though they were divorced, they were still really good friends. So she did most of that. So thankfully we were there at the end. But thankfully, so far, my parents haven't been in any of that position. Neither my sister recovering from surgery, but she has her husband, she has my mom who's retired now, my dad who's retired, so they've all been kind of there helping her. But that is my fear with my parents is seeing them in that like state is yeah, something I never get forget. Out of your head. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

Yeah. Yeah. It's very seeing them in such a vulnerable position is like it's it's burned into your mind.

SPEAKER_02 26:30

You'll never and it's almost you'll never forget it. You don't even know what's worse, them just like dying suddenly, whether it be an accident or just peacefully in their sleep, or knowing that they have a timeline and trying to get stuff done, but then you're watching them suffer for how many years. So either way fucking sucks. Because when you got a fight the day before, if if it's a sudden death, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

I think about that stuff all the time. Yeah. And it could be like once they go into hospice, it could be like you said, Kate, two weeks for my father-in-law, it was one day he came like on hospice, and then or it could be months you never know.

SPEAKER_00 27:05

You don't know.

SPEAKER_01 27:06

Yeah. So I ran the Chicago marathon. I my father-in-law called me that weekend, the day before the wish me good luck, and then he passed away a couple days later.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

Oh my god. Yeah. Horrible.

SPEAKER_02 27:20

While we're already crying, um, what do you guys miss the most? Or Katie, what do you I mean about your father-in-law, or what do you anticipate missing the most?

SPEAKER_01 27:30

I mean, I'm just very close with my parents. We go there almost every weekend for dinner, or I'm yeah, any small inconvenience, I'm calling my mom or my dad, or texting them. So if they're not there, that's gonna be so life-changing. Yeah. And it's like my dad's the kind of guy who he has a guy for everything. So anytime in my house, if I need something done, I just ask my dad, can you tell someone to come over to my house and do this? And some random person shows up and they're like, Hi, your dad told me to come over and fix your toilet or look at your electrical. And I'm okay, random person, come on in my house. And then my dad usually shows up behind them because he's gotta supervise. So just them being I I talk to them like every day. So me too. I just can't imagine not being able to do that. Key, I'm sure you said you and your mom are super close, so I'm sure that's one of the hardest parts. You can't just go over and you have a bad day.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Yeah. No, I have to say I've never felt such intense grief. Not even, you know, like I said, I was numb to it the first year. Even after that, I even feel like going through having my baby and not having her has been probably the hardest thing I've ever gone through and I'll ever go through. I can't just call my mom and ask her a question or have her come over, or I guarantee you she was here. She would be here every single day. Now that I'm back to work, she would be the one watching our child. She's obsessed. She's obsessed. Well, she is there every day. She's on the on the fireplace, guys.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

She cannot leave any baby so right there next to the dog bed. You will need another bed. She can't leave the baby home with her alone.

SPEAKER_00 29:13

God, it's too fucking bad. Mom, come on. Mom.

SPEAKER_02 29:16

You can take her to like chilies or something next weekend if you want. We'll get her a chair and just like pull it up.

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Mom is living rent-free in her house, literally. She yeah, but she better pay up soon. Like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_02 29:27

Yeah, is she gonna like okay? Make sure she only orders from the two for 20 menu. In this economy?

SPEAKER_00 29:34

We're on a fucking budget, all right? Don't go crazy.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

Water only, no apps.

SPEAKER_00 29:39

No alcohol. We know you like your own. Yeah, yeah, no diamond cold. But uh, yeah, I uh that's that's it's not something that I had previously and will miss. It's just something I miss because I've never had it. Having my mom there for me with my child, I know she'd be absolutely obsessed with with Eloyn. Oh my god, she would be over the fucking moon. But beyond that, I mean, we did so much together. Like she was my best friend. We went shopping, go to the movies, hang out, watch TV on Friday, Saturday nights. We'd watch our fucking households, we'd watch our Grey's Anatomy, we watch fix through all the programs. Oh my god, all the programs. We gotta watch our programs.

SPEAKER_02 30:22

Programs on it. You got your little TV tray table, whatever you want.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

I did have those. I think my well, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 30:28

We probably use them too, but they were my primarily because I was just at my friend's house. I didn't grow up with them, but my grandmother had them, and I used to think they were like the bougiest, coolest fucking thing ever because my grandmother had money, so I thought that was like a status thing.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

Oh, I love it.

SPEAKER_02 30:47

We weren't really allowed to eat dinner in the living room when we got older. We'd have like snacks and stuff, but um yeah, we weren't strict rules at the dignos. Yeah, but I was just down at my friend, my friend's house in North Carolina, and we had put Conrad to bed and we went to cook out, and her boyfriend was like kind of keeping an eye on him because we got high and went to cook out and got a bunch of food and milkshakes and whatever. And we come home and she comes over and sets one of those tables in front of me, and I go, bitch, I fucking love these tables. Was it one of the wood ones? Or one of the like metal ones, like the holdout ones? Yeah, like that's oh my god. I was like, this is so convenient. I don't have to reach forward to the fucking coffee table. I was like, if I didn't have OCD and issue with clutter, I'd be having one. Honestly, understandable. They're fantastic. Um sidetracked. Do you guys feel like this made you grow up faster?

SPEAKER_00 31:39

I cannot nod any fucking harder, yes.

SPEAKER_01 31:42

Yeah, like you said, I'm first getting independent on my parents. Still, as a 33-year-old woman, I talk to them for every inconvenience. I feel now it has made me realize they are not gonna be here forever. Not that I can't do these things on my own. It's just they want to help. You know what I mean? They want to help with everything. Because if I don't and I tell them I went and did something, they're like, well, why didn't you call me? Or like, blah blah blah. So, but yeah, I definitely feel like it makes you come to like a realization of like I'm the I'm an adult. I have to do the adult things. I might have to take care of them, or I need to be able to answer all my own questions and stuff, and I can't just get to them, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 32:21

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

Yep. You're like, I have to be able to answer my own questions. Yo, I feel that. Like at the doctor, remember when you're growing up and you go to the doctor and they're like, okay, what's going on? You just go, Mom, they know your answer for you.

SPEAKER_01 32:34

Mom, go ahead. That's that's me and my husband when we go to doctor's appointments. I'm like, just ask me the questions and I'll give you my answers. I'm dead.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

Um so when I was a young gal, I was very, very extremely shy. Had anxiety, very shy, didn't like to talk to people. My mom did it all for me. My mom did every fucking thing for me. And she probably shouldn't have. I did need to kind of learn a little bit of independence at some point, but I didn't. I was I didn't know how to grocery shop at age 25 when she died.

SPEAKER_02 33:09

So I know I will say I'll text my mom and be like, what aisle do you think black olives are in? I'll ask her and she'll be like, buy the pickles or whatever, and then I'll look for the pickles.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

I yeah, I remember uh when she was sick, it was a little bit not long before she died, but I went to Target and I was like, This feels so I've never done this. I I'm scared, I was nervous, I'm not even kidding. It sounds fucking ridiculous, and it is, and that's why I vow to not do that to our fucking daughter. Yeah, it's like she we were so close and she just wanted to do everything for me. And I understand the reason why she just wanted she wanted life to be easier for me, she wanted to make things easier, she wanted to take any load off, hardship, stress, she wanted to take it all away from me, and I completely understand that. But there is a healthy boundary, but on the kid, I don't know. You know what I mean? I mean 25, I'm not a kid, but yeah, after she died, it was a major wake-up call, major wake-up call.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

So I learned Were you still living with her at the time when she passed away?

SPEAKER_00 34:16

Yeah, I was still living at home. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

Okay. I feel like that makes sense.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

I learned that yeah, yes. I learned that I couldn't rely on my dad in the way that I could rely on my mom. So I just was like, I guess I gotta do everything myself, you know. I mean, I I talked to my aunts and stuff and my grandma, you know, like it's not like I had no one. I wasn't like just out here with like absolutely no one doing every single thing on my own. Like, but just like the mental load of it all and kind of trying to figure out, okay, what do I now need to do? Which it's not like she was in any state to do any of these things for a period of time before she died. It's, you know, as I said, she was, you know, fucking completely just vulnerable. She can't get up and she couldn't even move. But it just it was just a major wake-up call and just kind of trying to grow up really quickly. It was very weird. But I definitely, I'm an entirely different person than I was. I am I'm not the person I was before my mom died. And in good ways, too. It's not all, it's it's not so bad. It's not always all bad. Honestly, I feel like I'm a much better person than I was before she died. I took a lot of shit for granted and I was a spoiled little fucking bitch, and now I'm not that way. I mean, yeah, I'm still spoiled. Come on. But um, but to a point, and I'm not a fucking bitch about it.

SPEAKER_01 35:32

So no, okay, it makes you like realize too, like life is short, and I'm not gonna waste my time either putting my energy or my time into people or things that don't make me happy. You know what I mean? I'm gonna spend time with the people that make me happy doing the things that make me happy, not trying to please all these other people because I just like I've seen what how short life can be. You know what I mean? Yeah, yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 35:56

I say that all the time, and especially since I started therapy, which by the way, I would like to make a grand announcement. I've officially graduated from therapy. Thank you. Awesome. Hell yeah, girl. And uh my last session was the other day, and she's like, you know, once a patient, always a patient. If you need to come back, that's fine. But being with her the last year and figuring out my OCD made me realize, okay, certain people or situations do trigger me. And life is too short because I've seen people die so young. I feel like so many people in my grade and a few grades below me are were like, there's somebody who's dying all the time, whether it be on drugs or an accident or something else. And now I'm setting up boundaries or speaking my boundaries to people and they don't like it. And I'm like, well, that's too bad because this is the best I felt in fucking years. And why would I continue to put myself in these situations that these people that make me uncomfortable if I'm feeling great in myself, like when I'm not with them, especially now that I'm a mom. If I'm uncomfortable around people, why am I gonna bring my son around those people? Because he's gonna put up on my energy and then associate it with that person too. And you know, I grew up undiagnosed, obviously, with anxiety and depression hit about ninth grade. And turns out the anxiety was actually OCD. And now that I understand that and know that, I I don't have a panic attack every month or every time I go on vacation. It's very few and far between, and I have ways to manage it now, different techniques to try, even just getting up and going to a different room helps uh complete sidebar.

SPEAKER_00 37:27

But yeah, anyways, I feel like the two the kids, the kids thing.

SPEAKER_01 37:34

I don't have kids, but I love spending time with my friends' kids because I see them as my nieces and nephews extension, and I picked their parent as a friend and as someone who I want to have in my life. So obviously I want to have that kid in my life. I feel like you guys as a parent, why are you gonna put your time and energy into people that don't also want to love your kids like they love you?

SPEAKER_02 37:54

Right. Yes, and if you're someone that's not reaching out all the time or even just very occasionally, like, hey, how's Conrad or whatever? Then why am I gonna go out of my way and make plans to hang out with you when I have other people that are every day, like my one cousin and her mom sometimes, if I don't upload in the album every day, she's like, Where's my photo of the day?

SPEAKER_01 38:16

Oh, I needed to be re-added to that actually because I'm not in that anymore. I added you back.

SPEAKER_02 38:21

Add me back in, Rich. Okay, I will, I will. I thought I made a new one. My problem isn't up. I made a new one because a few people had to drop out because there were so many photos in it from like it's definitely tapered off now that he's older. But when he was first born, I was like every two seconds like it's definitely tapered off. But it was like my sister-in-law had to get out because she uh said that her phone had no memory because the Conrad album was taking over like I'm not on the SE no more, I got the new phone. I know Conrad's birth mother and his grandmother. I kept them in the original album, and then I made a new album just for friends and family because also people were commenting on it and it would pop up as a notification. And I'm like, I don't know, I feel like having 15 people in this album with his birth mother is kind of inappropriate. So I'm just gonna give her her own space and and then everyone else can. And it's the exact same photo, so everyone listening can fucking relax. Um but yeah, that's uh I'll add you back in. Sorry to sorry to sidetrack us. Sarah, Sarah, bring it up. Are there any conversations that you either didn't have or Katie hope to have before your parents pass someday, or maybe that we've wish he had with his dad? Any conversations, especially Kate now that you're a mom, other things you wish you could I know you touched on talking to her, but uh is there anything that jumps out that you're like, oh, that's the one thing that I constantly wish that I asked her about or I knew? I don't think there's one single thing.

SPEAKER_00 39:51

It's just kind of I wish that I was able to kind of divert to her instead of like the internet.

SPEAKER_03 40:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:03

Not that I can't ask, you know, you Brit or you know, other people in my life that have kids, whatever. I just I'm very much like, yeah, I just kind of like to sometimes I like to just kind of do my own research or you know, whatever. And I don't know. It just I kind of just wish I was able to kind of have her to, you know, relieve my stresses about you know, if I'm stressing out because of one thing or another because of the baby. Um at the time that she was in hospice, um, my ex-boyfriend, his his mom, she suggested to me you should look through like wedding magazines with her. You should just have her point stuff out that she really likes for you for your wedding to have someday.

SPEAKER_03 40:51

Oh great idea. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:54

And uh it was it was nice, but we didn't really get to do a whole lot. But I showed her this dress that I loved and she she said that's beautiful, and she cried. Sorry, Mom, I didn't wear that dress. I actually didn't change. Yeah. I thought I wanted a whole one wedding one certain way when I was younger, and you know, 2023, five years later, I'm like, nah, we're doing a whole different thing. Yes, exactly. But also, like it's it is a nice thing to do if you're not married yet. If there are certain things you want to do in life, or you know, whether it's travel, get married, have kids, whatever, if there's questions or concerns or something that you want to ask your family member that is dying or is sick or whatever the case, you should just ask them. Like, just ask. Even if you feel weird, which I don't know, sometimes it sometimes it does feel weird, even if you love the person and are very close. Um, even if it feels weird, just ask. But yeah, anyway, that kind of didn't even really answer the question.

SPEAKER_01 42:00

But no, I know I agree. I agree with that because like the worst thing you could do is you don't ask them these questions that you want to know because awkward and then they're gone, and then you can't ask them. Right. And then you have a psychic up in here or something, you might be asking them once they're gone. But I think I think too, like, it's very morbid, but I think it is important to have a conversation with anyone who you would be responsible for taking care of when they are sick, is like what would what would they want in that situation? Yeah, would they want to be like in a subclass, not even cancer and stuff, like an elderly person. Do you want to go into a nursing home? Would you rather be at home? Would you rather be in the hospital? Would you rather what would you want your end of life, whether that's last few years, last few months, last few days, what would you want that to look like? Because it's about making them the most comfortable, you know what I mean? And then like a lot of people, they're like, I don't want my children to have to take care of me and see me wither away and die. So like I know my my grandmother died of a very aggressive form of dementia called C. Krusfeld Jacobs disease. And it was within a three-month period, she was totally fine. And then I think it was like three months later, she passed away and deteriorated, instantly put her in a nursing home and stuff. And she went from like having a conversation to being complete, like in on like unable to talk within like a couple of days. And it's like if you had had that conversation beforehand, she could have told us what she wanted for the end of her life, you know what I mean? So it was too have these conversations. I mean, obviously, like people have wills and things, but like a more broad conversation of how they want their end of life.

SPEAKER_02 43:44

So I have this flash drive. It it had to be the I think it was the weekend before my grandfather died. My brother was up there taking care of him, uh, and then he ended up having to bring him to the hospital. And then that's when he died like a few days later at the hospital. But he asked him a bunch of questions. And recorded it and then put it on a flash drive for all of us.

SPEAKER_00 44:04

Oh my god, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_02 44:06

Yeah, that's such a good idea. I have not listened to it yet because I can't. But I'm ready. When I'm ready, I'm gonna listen to it. Uh I yeah, I don't even can't even talk about it further because I'm gonna start crying again. Because I I when my grandfather died, um he died probably like two days after I I obviously went up there to see him. Um when I saw him, he was already like essentially like in a I don't it wasn't like a coma, but like they were keeping him sedated basically.

SPEAKER_03 44:37

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 44:38

And I did have some time where it was just the two of us, probably like an hour, and I put on TV and I was like, Do you want to watch Storage Wars? And he goes, You like raised his eyebrows up and he's like, yo. So we were watching that because I used to watch it with him at his house all the time. And he was always like had something to say. And the guy from Storage Wars actually just died, and I texted, I screenshot it and sent it to my cousin Carter, and I was like, $20 says that grandpa's already asking him a million questions. She's like, for sure, like they're already hanging out. But anyways, yeah, I just kind of like it was too late. I don't even have any specific questions, but just I got him a book. I know he didn't fill it out, but it was like the one that you see on TikTok that's like, you know, you're like a little diary and you're just like, Yeah, like different entries a day, like different prompts and stuff. And I know I am sure he did not fill out one syllable in that book, but uh so I, you know, I don't I'll have to listen to that flash drive someday. But yeah, I just kind of like laid my head on his I was kind of just like holding his hand and I was just like laying my head on him and just kind of like praying and talking to him and I was kind of like I didn't want to be you feel like selfish sometimes being like can you just hold on like a little bit longer? Like and my son was supposed to be born basically like three weeks later and I all I fucking wanted was for my he doesn't have any great grandchildren yet. I was the first grandchild, this would have been his first great grandchild, and I just so badly wanted him to like hold him or meet him just one time because he didn't get to come to my wedding because of COVID. He didn't go to my get to go to my brother's wedding because it was in Ireland, so he didn't get to see any of his grandkids get married or anything like that. So I just so badly wanted this, and I know it was like so selfish. And I don't remember if it was my dad or somebody else one time was like, why? Like, why do you want a grandkid so bad that like before he dies? I was like, I don't know, it's just like something I want. I don't know if it feels like full circle for me or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 46:42

One of those adult milestones that he would be able to be a part of because he wasn't able to be a part of those other ones.

SPEAKER_02 46:48

He didn't get to see me in my wedding dress, he didn't get to do like any of these things, and uh it fucking sucks. I was just I loved him I still love him so much, obviously. But yeah, I just so badly wanted that. And I was like whispering, I was like, can you just like hold on just a few more weeks? Like he's coming, he's coming, like please, like and obviously he couldn't, which uh I don't want him to suffer anymore because he was really sick and in a lot of pain. But yeah, Conrad was born a few weeks later, and uh I remember sitting in the hospital by myself and my husband went down to the cafeteria and I was holding Conrad and I was looking at him, and all of a sudden I just got like so overwhelmed and started like hysterically crying because he kind of like grabbed my hand and just like did this, but I instantly like my grandfather instantly popped in my head for some reason when he did that, and I was like, I feel like this is grandpa telling me it's okay. And he did get to meet Conrad because we're kind of in the like afterlife or before life, whatever you want to call it at the same time. So yeah, maybe like they cross paths or something. But my aunt says all the time that he's grandpa reincarnated because for lots of funny things, like he's always farting like really loud and stuff. But but also she's like him and grandpa have the same smile. And I'm like, bitch, what are you talking about? But like the more I look at as he's getting older, he just turned six months. I'm like, oh, she's kind of right. And I was thinking today, I kind of want to take I have this photo of my grandpa that is my favorite in my on one of my bookshelves in the living room, and he has this like it's a candid shot from the early 90s, and he's just got this great classic Ralph smile on. And I want to put it next to a picture of Conrad. Uh anyways, let's end this on a Padre show. Do you guys have any funny stories that or a favorite story of your parents that you know, whether it be with cancer, like them making some kind of like dark humor joke that's fucking hysterical because all you can do is laugh at this point. Like, is there just any story that you want people to know about your mom or dad, or just personally it's your favorite?

SPEAKER_01 48:54

So I will say, my dad, the reason we found out he had cancer was a total fluke. He was partying it up at a wedding at a pool party shocking in Miami or Florida somewhere, and slipped and fell because he had a couple too many beveraginos, and he thought he bruised his rib, flew home, and then a couple days later, then he went to the doctor, and that's when they found it. They would have he hadn't had any symptoms, so like God knows if they would have found it, if it would have been way too late to do anything about it. Yeah. So I just think it's funny. He's a very party person and social butterfly that he him doing his thing, partying at the pool, having drinks, led to like maybe saving his life, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 49:36

Yeah, no, that's one of those crazy ass stories. Tim loves what is it, Gatorade and vodka, so he stays hydrated. Power aid zero, so he hydrates and dehydrates at the same time.

SPEAKER_01 49:46

Smart at his tiki bar in the in his pool in the backyard. Love it.

SPEAKER_00 49:51

Yeah. Kate, what about you? I definitely hit my mom with that trend where you um I don't even remember the setup for it, but you make the person go like this. Like you should I know what it is. You uh pretend you're shaking a salt shaker into your mouth, and she would. I have it on video. I was like, mom, never seen this shed. It's from years ago. Yeah, I hit her with that one and I was like, Mom, look what you're doing. And she was like, like she's like S and a D. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god, there's a lot of there's a lot of funny things. I feel like when Snapchat came around, I recorded her. So my bedroom was upstairs in my house, and I came downstairs and I think she was vacuuming, and I just snuck around the corner and I was recording, and I and she, you fucking asshole. Just stupid, but it almost made me drop off.

SPEAKER_02 50:44

Um do you guys have any closing statements or things that you want to share or you want people to know about having a parent with cancer, people that are nervous about you know their parents dying someday? Any words of wisdom?

SPEAKER_01 50:56

Um, I think kind of what we'd accept experience what you can with them while you have them, and that's for anyone in your life, and regardless of their health situation, don't take the people in your life for granted. Amen, sister.

SPEAKER_00 51:08

Yeah. Also take a lot of pictures. Sometimes it's I don't know, every family dynamic, every every dynamic is different. But sometimes for me, I feel a little awkward asking for a picture with someone or a group of people or whatever, because it's not necessarily an event or a holiday or a thing that we're getting together for, but you just want the picture. So just do it. I'm still trying to teach myself, just just ask for the picture. If you want it, ask for it because you will not regret it.

SPEAKER_03 51:38

I think video regret nothing.

SPEAKER_01 51:40

Yeah, I've been doing a lot more video lately so I can capture who they were, who people are. Like, because I know it's now I I can I'm forgetting what my father on the wall sounded like, and then I'll see a video pop up and it's like instantly, like like just hearing that person's voice. It's very hard. Hearing their voice is also kind of comforting, you know what I mean? Yes where it's like it's you only have that, even if it's like a 10-second video of them, something stupid to you. You said you're gonna rank on them. Like we used to when we were growing up, we have so many home videos. Like, why did we stop doing that? And now everything's trying to be like picture perfect for fucking Instagram or Facebook or whatever the hell. Literally that take an embarrassing photo that makes you look at it and think like that was such a fun time that we were having. Yeah, yeah, is what it looked like.

SPEAKER_00 52:28

Right.

SPEAKER_02 52:29

I have this photo of my dad that I found in at my grandpa's house um in a photo album, and you can tell it's the morning after they had like an annual Halloween party every year, and he's in like it's either that or somebody's wedding, doesn't matter. He's in just a white button-up dress shirt with like dress socks on and his like fucking tidy whiteies, and he's just puking into the toilet. But he's holding it and like smiling in the bathroom at my grandpa's house. And I'm like, if I were to take that now, it'd be like, get out of here, like you're gonna post it somewhere, blah, blah, blah, which I probably am, but also it's just I don't know, those are the pictures I'm a picture person. There are photos fucking everywhere at my house on the fridge. And that's another thing that I feel like got lost in translation over the years is nobody's printing out photos anymore. So that's what makes your house warm and cozy. Like I love pictures, like, and I'm always taking them. And I know people get annoyed, I don't fucking care. I also bought like a nice camera when Conrad was born so that I could take pictures and videos and not have my phone in his face all the time. I'm not doing as well as I was in the beginning because obviously a phone's just more convenient, but I am trying hard. I leave it on the kitchen table and just try to grab that instead because also like better quality photos. Right, right. But the home the videos look like home videos, they look good. I love that so yeah. Anyways, I think this was a really good episode. I don't know how you're thanks for having me, guys.

SPEAKER_00 53:57

Yeah, yeah. We're glad we had you on.

SPEAKER_01 54:00

Your therapist needs to fill a spot. I got plenty of issues. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:04

No, I do think that you would like it. I was very anti-therapy for years. I tried multiple times and I would just sit there and lie to them when my parents would like make me go to therapy when I was younger. I would just sit there and lie, and then obviously nothing ever gets solved. So until you're ready to go yourself, don't push people to go because it's not gonna be successful, nothing's gonna happen. Like, this is the first time I actually was like telling her about you know traumatic things that happened to me that I've only ever told like my husband or a couple of my friends and stuff like that. And it definitely was like a lot of your body holds on to trauma and grief. And if you don't like get it out sometimes, like it literally becomes I was just watching a whole thing on it, like these like tissue connective tissue in your body, and it causes aches and pains and health issues and stuff, and releasing that, whether it be through massage or whatever therapy, like you're not gonna ever get better. So when you're very therapeutic for me, so thank you guys for having me. Honestly, me too. I'm back anytime. Yeah, I'm so glad that you guys were comfortable talking about this. I think that it'll help a lot of people, you know, all 12 of our listeners.

SPEAKER_00 55:10

I do just want to give a shout out, though. We have a listener that I was DMing with today. I won't name her because I don't want to like make her uncomfortable, but I was DMing with her today. Um, I'm gonna share with you, Britt, our uh something she said about the podcast. Actually, no, fuck, I can't pull it up. I'm on my phone. Never mind, I'll text it to you. But um, no, it was really sweet. And part of what she said though, that I do remember is I'm not a parent, but I had a really good time listening to this. Like this is really that's me. It's yeah, it's fun to listen to. She said, You guys are very natural, just funny, good back and forth, you know, whatever. So I thought that was really sweet. So shout out to you, girl.

SPEAKER_02 55:49

It's nice to hear. I know it's sometimes I'm like, are we wasting our time like doing this? But like we said, like, of course, if we got famous, the money would be fucking great for both of us because we're new parents. But at the same time, it is just therapeutic to fucking gab with you every other week. Yes. We talk for sure, but you know, I'm like every single day, but physically talk, yeah. Yeah, and have like again, another thing that doesn't happen anymore. We don't talk to each other our friends or hang out face to face. When I just went to North Carolina, Caitlin was like, What do you want to do? I was like, I literally just want to sit on the couch and watch TV with you. That's all I want to fucking do and go eat shitty food. And that's what we did. We, when the baby was asleep, we smoked, we drank, or she drank, I don't drink, obviously. We had fucking takeout food. I got Whataburger, which I didn't know was outside of Texas, by the way. So I was fucking, I was so excited. I texted his birth mom and I was like, it was like my chocolate shake in front of the Whataburger sign. She's like, bitch, where are you? And I was like, I found one in North Carolina, I'm so excited. Um, but yeah, those are the little things in life. I miss just like driving around with your friends and walking around, going to Target or Walmart, hanging out on the couch. And this feels like that. So yeah. Yeah, Katie, you're welcome anytime. If you want to be our producer, feel free. We don't have one and we could use VR hiring. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:02

I can't help using, I can just help with the mental side of things and being a friend of people who are mothers. So you could just be like a random, like correspondent.

SPEAKER_02 57:12

Yeah, like a random guest that comes in every phone's just like. Or Sonic Katie. Yeah, reporting for duty.

SPEAKER_03 57:19

Perfect live.

SPEAKER_02 57:20

All right. Well, thank you guys so much. I will get the edited and soon, and thank you again to all of our listeners. Uh Kate, you want to say your outro because I forget it every time.

SPEAKER_00 57:29

Stay mental milk drumps.

SPEAKER_02 57:32

Bye. We love you guys. Thanks for listening. Please share with your friends because we need more listeners.

SPEAKER_00 57:37

Share with your friends, like, subscribe, blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_02 57:39

Love you. Bye. Love you, mean it.

SPEAKER_01 57:46

Live on location in the parking lot.

SPEAKER_02 57:49

Where is that where you are right now? Sure. You left the house and everything. Yes, they were doing law mowing next door. Oh my god, I'm dead. I was trying to go over. Oh my god, so funny.