Buttons And Triggers

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

We want to do that today. Let's do our vision mission statement. I'm going to preach about this in September. If we can read together, here we go. We exist to help people become followers of Jesus who experience life change in community and make a difference. Amen. And then our meditation text, we can read that together as well. Here we go. Let's read. Therefore, encourage one another, build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. Tell your neighbor, build each other up. Don't tear each other down. Amen. Our main text comes from John chapter 21, verses 18 through 25. I want to encourage you to read all of chapter 21. Constitutes the context from which we will share a word today. Listen to these words. This is Jesus. Very truly, I tell you, when you were younger, you dressed yourself and went where you wanted. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go. Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Church history declares that Peter was crucified upside down. He requested that because he didn't believe he was worthy to die the same way his Lord died. Amen. Then he said to him, Follow me. Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. This was the one who had leaned back against Jesus at the supper and had said, Lord, who is it going to betray you? Many associate this as being John, the writer of the gospel of John. When Peter saw him, he asked, Lord, what about him? And Jesus answered, If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? And that's kind of the nice version. You don't want me to translate. You must follow me. Because of this, the rumor spread amongst the believers, somebody say, church folk, that this disciple would not die. But Jesus did not say he would not die. He only said, if I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? This is the disciple who testifies, that is John, to these things and who wrote them down. We now we know that his testimony is true. Jesus did many other things as well. Every one of them were written down. I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written. What a what an ending. Amen. I want to talk about buttons and triggers. Buttons and triggers. Listen to this, listen to this. Oh, what's going on? We got it. We got it. We got it. Y'all know who Marvin Gaye is, right? And for y'all young folk that don't know who he is, you can Google him. Amen. But when Marvin Gay wrote that song, What's Goin On, he was talking about the profound social issues of his day. Talking about all the events of the 70s, the Vietnam War, economic inequality, racial injustice. Too many mothers crying, too many brothers dying. War is not the answer. Only love can conquer hate. And I'm just surmising. I think if Marvin Gaye were living today and he'd look at our relationships, he'd probably say the same thing. What in the world is going on? We doing more war than we are love, amen. And I I could say a lot of things about the issues that's causing our own unrest, our own disruption, whether in our family, whether in our friendships, whether in our church relationships, or even our love and boo relationships. But I want to deal with one issue that I think many times we dismiss that too often is quickly the root of what's going on with our relationships. And I call them buttons and triggers. And for most of us, conflict and difficulty in our relationships has more to do with the fact that we are adept at pulling triggers when we ought to be better at pushing buttons. We know how to pull a trigger, but we have yet to learn how to push a button. And so you're asking the question well, what do you mean by buttons? Buttons are those emotional touch points that when pressed the right way, that is touched with care and genuine concern, evoke or elicit a healthy response for building stable, supporting, supportive, and flourishing relationships. And so, for example, in the sporting world, many times coaches are trying to push the right buttons in their players. Trying to push the right button in their team. Because they understand if I can push the right button, I'll draw out the right energy and attitude that is necessary for winning. Well, the same thing is true if you want to have a good relationship. That if we can learn how to push the right buttons the right way, we'll draw out the right energy and attitudes that can help us have flourishing relationships. Somebody said it well, safety is the soil where trust takes root. Well, pushing the right buttons creates the safety and the soil by which trust can flourish. Well, then what do you mean by triggers, Pastor? Well, triggers, on the other hand, are those emotional touch points that draw out the painful past experiences into the present reality. Triggers draw out the things that we're trying to leave behind. In a word, triggers reveal a side of us that we generally have little or no control over. Last Sunday I talked about a little bit about Christian gangsters. Y'all know what a Christian gangster is, right? I know that's an oxymoron, right? Christian and gangster in the same phrase. But I get it, because basically it's saying is I'm Christian, but now if you push me, there's a gangster side that may come out of me. And I'll be honest with you, call it self-righteous, call it a Bible nerd, call it what you want. I didn't understand that phrase. How can you be Christian and still got some gangster in you until this administration was elected? Then I said, okay, oh, I get it now. I get it. I see. There's a gangster side in me. And if I'm not careful, not only will it trigger me, I get trigger happy. Come on, somebody. And that's what happens sometimes. That when somebody pulls our trigger, it's easy to become trigger happy. And we can trigger and say the things and do the things that actually destroy relationships. Triggers will draw out a side of us that we generally have little to no control over. Buttons can deepen trust, but triggers will destroy trust. Buttons create transparency and a safe place to have relationships. Triggers create defensive barriers and hurdles and shuts us down, and we're ready to say deuces, I'm out of here. In a word, buttons draw out the best in us, whereas triggers draw out the worst in us. And I argue that what's going on in relationships has to do with many things. But sometimes we're too familiar with the triggers, y'all, when we need to learn others' buttons. Which is why our text is so important for us today, because this is the story of Peter's restoration. Because you remember Peter denied the Lord three times. And you know how the church is. You make a mistake, Jesus will forgive you. But how many of y'all know some church folk won't let it go? So the Holy Ghost led John to put this restoration encounter in the Bible to let the church know if I let it go, you need to let it go too. And so what I love about this whole restoration encounter, it's a reminder of how much the Lord loves us and how much the Lord loved Jesus. And I don't know about you. When Jesus dealt with Peter, I'm so glad he didn't come pulling his triggers. So glad he didn't remind him, I told you you was gonna mess up. I'm so glad he didn't say, I knew you was gonna deny me. Had you listened to me, you never would have been here. But nah, he didn't try to pull his trigger. Does anybody know he pushed his button? He wanted to remind him, I know you're ready to throw in the tower. I know you're ready to quit. I know you're ready to submit your apostleship resignation letter. But I come here to share with you that I still have grace. I don't pull triggers when you mess up. I push buttons to get you back into the race. And I don't know who I'm talking to this morning. I don't know what your discouragement is. I don't know what your father is, I don't know what your issue is in your family. But the good news is, if nobody ever pushes your button, I dare you to go to Jesus. I dare you to take it to the Lord, the Lord will push your button with grace, the Lord will push your button with love, the Lord will push your button of compassion. Is there anybody in here that knows that when you're down and smoking dog in you, God is there to push your button? That leads me to my thesis statement this morning. Buttons will always take you further than triggers. Ah, I know some of y'all trigger happy just like Pastor. I know, I know. Something about a trigger. When you pull that bad boy, just makes you feel a little bit better. Say amen if you can't say ouch. Something by pulling a trigger makes us just feel like for a moment I've had some relief. Got some stuff off my chest, but only for a moment. Triggers may be good. But if we want the Spirit of God to move in our lives, if we want Him to move in our relationship, we need to learn buttons. So let's just take a few minutes and talk about some of these buttons and how they work, and how the Lord is working in us. Here's the first one. Number one, buttons are usually very simple. Number one, don't make this deep. Buttons are very simple. We just misunderstand them. Verses 12 and 13, Jesus sets the context for this restoration encounter. What does Jesus do? Disciples have gone fishing. Remember, Peter was called out of fishing. So because of his failure, denying the Lord three times, he goes back to the very thing that God called him out of. But aren't you glad Jesus will meet you where you try to, oh y'all don't hear me? He'll meet you where you try to leave him. And Jesus was waiting for him at the place that he first called him. Because I'm telling you, he's a button pusher, y'all. That's what I'm trying to say. And and so Peter had resigned fishing, and who's on the seashore side? It's Jesus. And what does Jesus do? He doesn't even raise the issue. He simply cooks a meal, a fish sandwich, some snapper, some fried sandwich, lays it on the side and watch Peter eats up. And it opens Peter up. Buttons are very simple. Watch this. But they have to be the right kind of buttons. Jesus cooked Peter a meal. That's all he did. And Peter was ready to talk. Simple. Cooked him a meal. Cooked him a fish sandwich. Because that's what Peter wanted. Let me say it again. Jesus cooked Peter a fish sandwich. Not a steak sandwich. Because Peter don't eat steak. Now, had Peter wanted steak, guess what Jesus would have done? He'd have killed the fatty calf and he would have cooked him a steak sandwich. But that's not what Peter wanted. He knew what Peter wanted. And he cooked him a fish sandwich. Why do I say that? Because a lot of us know that the people we love would rather a hamburger, but we keep giving them fish sandwiches. Because the fish sandwich ain't about them. The fish sandwich is about us. And what we said in our minds, if I keep giving them what I think they oughta like, they'll get what I like and do what I want them to do. And therefore the Lord is not in it. You put yourself in it. And God is saying, Aren't you glad I don't do you that way? I want to give you judgment. You ought to be glad I don't give you what I really want to give you. I could have given you rights. I could have given you judgment. But I give you what you need. I'm giving you grace. I'm giving you mercy. I'm giving you compassion. Because I know you can't handle your God. We have to give. Because I can hear somebody say, Well, Pastor, I've been giving, just giving and giving. No, you giving what you want to give. Because you're trying to get out of them what you want. And Jesus says, No, if you follow me, give what they need. Don't want a fish sandwich, he wants a sirline steak. I'm trying to preach this. We got to be careful. Buttons are very simple. But we have to make sure it's the right kind of button. The button can't be about us. The button has to be about the person in the relationship. And I know what you're saying, well, what about my button? Well, hold on. Just hold on, calm down. I'm gonna pull your trigger, you keep asking about your button. But then, but then also, too, we gotta understand that buttons are very simple in that they demand consistency. See, see, you pull my trigger, I might be messed up for three months. In my head, all in my emotions. I'm looking over my shoulder. You know? Somebody look at me crazy, and they really was smiling at me, but I thought they were looking at me crazy. Because my trigger was pulled. So a trigger can mess me up for three months. But now just because you hit my button 10 minutes ago doesn't mean that you just stop hitting my button. Buttons must be pushed consistently and regularly. You don't do a button one time and assume that everything's taking place. No, no. Buttons are done regularly. They're done with regularity and consistency. And so, for example, worship is God's button. But some of us think if we worship once a quarter, and the Lord's like, okay, what if you only ate once a quarter? No, worship is something that you do regularly and consistently. What if you prayed once a quarter? No, prayer is something you gotta do regularly and consistently. Likewise, in our relationships, buttons are very simple, but it's something that's gotta be done consistently and with regularity. So look at that meditation text. I put it there on purpose. It says, therefore, encourage one another. Build each other up. Both of those verbs encourage and build. They're in a grammatical construction called the present active imperative. All that language simply means is that it's ongoing and continuous. They're not encouraging one time. And then they're done with it for six months. But this is an ongoing practice. It's a habit, it's a way of life. They see it as a way that's essential for keeping the relationship going. And as they build this habit into the life, it creates the atmosphere where trust and true relationship can happen. Kind of like my wife, she shared a video with me. I was sharing with Reggie of John Baptiste. How many of y'all heard of John Baptiste? Wicked, wicked, wicked, just a genius. Well, my wife shared with me that he has a piano in every room in his house. Because piano is not something he does every now and then. Because you know if you're gonna be good at something, you can't do it once every six months. You catch that on the way home. But but if you're gonna be good at something, it's got to be a whole way of life. And so he has Academy Awards, he's got Oscars, he's got Emmys, uh, he's gotten Tonies because he has music as a way of life. And if we want some Oscars and some Tonies and some Emmys in our relationships, then the things we do have to become a way of life. How we love, how we talk, how we appreciate, how we communicate encouragement, how we say, I'm proud of you. That's not something we do every now and then. That's something we ought to do every single day of our lives. Oh, it's gotta be a way of life. Buttons are very simple. Here's my second thought. Buttons can feel like triggers, but they're still buttons. Now we come to Jesus, uh, the restoration of Peter by Jesus. Three times he says to Simon, Do you love me? The third time he kind of messed with Peter. Look what he says. Third time he said to him, Simon, son of John, do you love me? Peter was hurt. See, it feels like a trigger. But it's a button. Because Jesus asked him a third time, Do you love me? He said, Lord, you know all things. Why are you messing with me? I thought there was a button. It's beginning to feel like a trigger, okay? You know that I love you. And Jesus said, Feed my sheep. Alright? And watch what Jesus says. Verily, I truly I say to you, when you were younger, you dressed yourself and went where you wanted. When you were old, you will stretch out your hands and someone else will dress you up. We know that this is this is a statement about the death that Peter would die, but it's a little bit more than that. And here it is triggers, here it is. The Lord will push our button, and though it will feel like a trigger. Is dealing with the issue underneath that has to do with our walk with him. So watch what Jesus does. First thing he does is cook a meal. That opens Peter up. The second thing he does, he challenges him. Tell your neighbor, you're not Jesus. Come on, tell him, you're not Jesus. Because I know some of y'all saying, that's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go home, cook a meal, and then I'm gonna challenge you. No, tell your neighbor, you're not Jesus. You're not Jesus. You're not Jesus. Okay? Then he challenged him because he's trying to help him what the real issue was behind his denial. Then he makes this statement. There was a time when you were younger, you did what you wanted to do. What was Peter's issue? Here it is, it's all of our issues. Surrender. Watch this. Peter learned to walk with Jesus without submitting to Jesus. That's the problem. And what Jesus was letting him know, had you listened to me the first time, you never would have gotten in trouble. But you had your mind made up as to how you wanted to live your life. But when you got out there, you discovered there were some things you thought you knew that caught you off guard, and you said some things you regretted. Because I had to teach you that the best posture in life is to surrender your life to me. And a lot of us, when things happen in our relationships, we immediately look at the wrong person. We think it's the person we're in relationship with. No, God is dealing with us. It's not a relationship moment. Hear me well. It's a discipleship moment. And God is saying, if you would simply surrender to me and trust me and my way as to how you deal with that person, I can turn that whole thing around. But you think you know more than me. So one writer calls it like this. He said, He says that every person is on this discipleship uh uh spectrum from youthful autonomy to mature surrender. He says, Peter, Peter was coming out of youthful autonomy. He was used to doing things his way. That's why he went fishing in this text. He said, Well, I'm gonna go fishing. Watch this. I'm gonna do what I'm used to doing. I'm gonna go back to what kept me, what I what I used to do to keep myself out of trouble, even though it didn't work for him. And Jesus met him there. And his challenge was to surrender his life to the Lord for what God wanted to do in his life to make it much more better than he could make it. And those difficult places many times are places of surrender. Which means however you deal with the people that you love in your life, it's not what you think. I know you feel you see what they need, but that is not how God is going to move. It first starts with us, and how he wants us to surrender to him, and how he uses us to minister in that situation. And it's through the Christ-like ministry that transforms any relationship is surrender. And I knew it was gonna get real quiet right here because we struggle with that. But for Peter to go to the next level, and he did, and his next level he would preach the first sermon of the New Testament church, Acts chapter 2. One of the best sermons ever preached. Preached it so well, 3,000 people came to Christ and his ministry took off. But he had to learn surrender first. And as long as he surrendered his life, things went well. The moment he took over, things got out of control. And the same thing's true with us, and we struggle with this. I'm a preacher, that'll tell you right now, I struggle with that. Why we gotta do it that way, Lord? I just think this will be better. And you know what he says? Then go ahead and try. And I'll be waiting at the end when it falls apart. It's surrender. So somebody described it like this. They said, they said that there's this story about a kite. Y'all heard the story about the kite? So there's a story of a kite that loved to fly. This kite loved the fly, loved it, felt free as long as it was flying. But now it was always tied to a string and its master's hand. So one time it was flying, it felt like it was limited. And it got into an argument with the master that was holding the string. The kite said, if you would let me go, I could fly a whole lot higher. Master says, You don't want me to let you go. Let me go and I can fly higher. The master said, Okay, I'll let you go. Let the kite go. The kite did go higher, but as it went higher, it had nothing to hold on to, so it crashed to the ground. And when the kite crashed, that's when it realized the same one that was holding him to fly was keeping him from falling, yo, mister. And the reason why you want to surrender your life, it may not go as high as you want to, but does anybody know he'll keep you from falling? He'll pick you up, turn you around, place your feet on solid ground. Don't be afraid to surrender to the Lord. Here it is. Let me wrap this thing up. My last thought. Here it is. Triggers will always be triggers. Don't get it twisted. There are some triggers out there. And we see that with Peter, because Peter was feeling the heat from Jesus with this restoration moment that was not designed to hurt him but to heal him. But he thought it was designed to push him back. So look what Peter does. Peter says in verse 20 He turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved and was following him. And this is the one who had leaned his back, leaned back against Jesus at supper and said, Lord, who is going to betray you? And when Peter saw him, Lord, what about him? What's gonna happen to him? And Jesus got an attitude. He said, If I want him to remain until I turn, what is that? That's none of your cotton-picking business. I'm trying to say it nice, y'all. Because there's a lot of emotion in that text. He said, All I need you to do, here it is, is follow me. And understand when he says that, it's another way of saying, just surrender your life and follow me. That's why you got in trouble the last time. Okay? But watch how John handles this. So the disciple explains the rumor, how the church ran off with the rumor. But watch what John does. This disciple testifies this disciple who testifies to these things and who wrote them down. We know that his testimony is true. In other words, Peter tried to trigger John, but John didn't bite. Because I'm gonna tell you right now, if that was me, I'd have been very clear. Peter, he ain't dealing with me, he's dealing with you. I don't know why you're looking at me. Why you throwing stones at me? He's dealing with you. But that's not what he does. Here it is, here it is. Maturity is defined by how we respond to our triggers. So here's the real issue: everybody gets triggered. You're not the only one that gets triggered. Because a lot of times we use that phrase in such a way as if, like, you don't understand my trigger. But the truth is, everybody in here, if I was asked, raise your hand, you've been, everybody's hand will go up. Everybody gets triggered. The test is not whether you've been triggered, the test is what do you do when you get triggered? And John gives us the testimony. When you got Jesus on your side, that though people may trigger you, you can still push a button. That's the word. Y'all looking at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. You know Jesus was triggered now. If anybody was triggered, it was Jesus. Because he went to a cross 2,000 years ago. Y'all, they tried to trigger him. And had they triggered him, none of us would be here. They triggered him when they nailed his hands to a cross. They triggered him when they swiped his feet on that cross. They triggered him when they pinched him in his side. They triggered him when they crowned him with a head of thorn. They triggered him when he died. But when he got up on a Sunday morning, he didn't get up to pull triggers. He got up pushing buttons. He got up with the button of forgiveness. He got up with the button of compassion. He got up with the button of hope. Is there anybody in here that can testify that the only reason why you're here? Isn't he alright? Oh, Jesus was triggered. But he teaches us you don't have to respond to that trigger. You can always push a button. So here it is. I'm gonna close with this, I'm gonna close with this. Here it is. I feel alright. Here it is, here it is. So, so my wife told on me yesterday, so I gotta confess, my Lakers been doing so bad, I jumped on the Knicks bandwagon. I did. I did. I did. Matter of fact, the Father's Day gift they y'all gave me, the youth department gave me, it had a Knicks sweat jersey in there. And you know what? I'm wearing that bad boy. Malaker's not doing well. So yes, I've gotten on the Knicks band. Well, I'm not gonna lie. I'm glad they won the championship. I'm glad 53 years, they ought to win. Amen. They ought to win. But what blows me away was Jalen Brunson. Smallest thing out there. And he's whooping everybody. NVP. Said he wasn't good enough. Cuban didn't want him. I had to say that, y'all. I had to say it. Said he wasn't good enough. I knew then that was a mistake. But Jalen Brunson, MVP. And so when the game was over, soon as the buzzer sounded, all the Knicks players and fans, they were rejoicing and jumping in San Antonio. Players were running to each other. Coaches were running to each other. It was a joyous moment. Jalen Brunson, the first thing he did, he went to the San Antonio coach and shook his hand. Then he went and celebrated with his team. Got on the stuff on the podium. They asked him the question, you know, your teammates. You all were celebrating what have you, but Brunson, when you when the buzzer went off, you didn't start celebrating. You went directly to the coach. The coach that was trying to shut you down. The coach that used players to try to knock you down. The coach that was not ashamed of using players to try to hurt you, you went over to shake his hand. Why did you do that? And here's what he said. He said, That's how my daddy raised me. Pastor, what does this have to do with this sermon? Why do I try to push buttons instead of pulling triggers? That's how my father has raised me, y'all. I'm talking about my heavenly father. If God, my father, is always trying to push my button. Why would I be trying to pull other people's triggers? We are God's children. We are part of the family of God. If God is our father, we are gonna act like we've been raised by our father. Stop trying to pull people's triggers. Push their buttons and watch God move on your behalf. I need a little