The Rhythm of Great Relationships

July 5, 2026

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

And then our meditation text, if we can hit that, we ought to hit this. Here we go. Let's say, let's read. Here we go. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child. When I became a man or a woman, amen. I did away with childish things. Amen. Don't want to forget the ladies. Amen. Amen. Alrighty. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child. When I became a man, case of my sisters, a woman, amen. I did away with childish things. And then our main text comes from Romans chapter 12, verse 9 through 10. I want to encourage you to read all of Romans chapter 12. I'm giving you the net Bible version, and here's how it reads: love must be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil, cling to what is good, be devoted to one another with mutual love, or better, brotherly love. Phileo is the Greek word there, brotherly love. Showing eagerness in honoring one another. Amen. I want to talk about the rhythm of great relationships. The rhythm of great relationships. Why is it that some relationships flourish while others are hopeless, seemingly at the beginning or the start of that relationship? It's almost mind-boggling. Both can give the same energy and effort and yet yield vastly different results. Why is it that one relationship can have great harmony while the other can be mired in conflict? And in my short tenure as pastor, I've come to the solid conclusion, y'all, it really comes down to one word. It comes down to rhythm. Does that relationship have rhythm? Matter of fact, I was messing with Reggie and I asked him a question. I said, Man, if I needed some rhythm and flunk on the fly, could you do it? He said, Man, that's like breathing. So come on, Reggie, give me, give me something. There you go. There it is. See how all the other instruments want to jump in? That's riggable. Oh yeah. Come on, give them a hand clap of praise, y'all. Anybody feeling that? That's rhythm. Makes you want to jump in. Makes you want to join the harmony. And in a real sense, y'all, in all my years, and I'm really just sharing from my heart today, the relationship I've looked at, whether it's family, whether it's sibling, parent-child, friendship, neighborly, Bufang, amen. Alright? There's a rhythm to it. There's a rhythm to it. I was telling y'all last yesterday last Sunday about John Baptiste. And what I didn't tell you, he talked about how he records a song. And he says that what he'll do, he'll think about that song for about a year and a half, two years. He'll just think about it. And he says, there'll come to a point that while he's thinking, this blew me away, Reggie. He said, when it comes to a point that while he's thinking about the song, he can sense in his mind and heart and feelings that the song is ready. Now I'm thinking at this point, what he does is write down the song, rehearse the song, fine-tune the song before he records the song. That's not what he does. He says he'll think about a song for a year and a half, two years, sometimes three years. Matter of fact, on his current album, Black Mozart, he has songs on there he'd been thinking about for years. He says, but he knew that there came a time it was just ready. And he says, instead of practicing the song, he goes directly into the studio. He has not practiced, he has not written down a note, he has not rehearsed it. He goes directly into the studio and records the song as it is. And he improvises it. And he improvises it so much, he says that when he completes the song, he can't even replay the same song again because he doesn't remember the notes. So they asked him the question. He said, Well, they they ask him, Well, how do you know the song is right? He said, Oh, that's easy. The rhythm is right. What am I trying to say today? There's some things I want to share with you that I find common in those great relationships. And the one thing that I see time and time again is that there's a rhythm to it, y'all. There's a harmony to it. And the harmony has to do with how they've aligned themselves with a greater purpose. They've aligned themselves with a greater vision. As much as we heard a rhythm here, there's a sense that they understood there's something that governs as to how that sound ought to come out. So also, if we want the best for our relationships, we got to find that rhythm. And there's a sense that that's what Paul is describing here about love. He he really spends most of the chapter talking about love, and there's a sense that he he's trying to describe what the rhythm of love is like. He says, not something you put on your to-do list. No, love is something that comes from the heart. Love is something you ought to feel, it ought to be something natural. And so from verse 9 of chapter 12 to verse 21, which is the inner chapter, Paul provides 30 plus commands. And all of these commands hinge on verse 9. It's almost as if he's using each command to kind of modify and qualify what he says in verse 9. In which he says in verse 9, let love be without hypocrisy. And then he gives you 30 different ways as to what that looks like. And it's almost like he's throwing darts at a board, but he's not quite hitting it. But look, I'm in the ballpark. Because there's really not some A plus B equals C equation for love. Come on, somebody. It's something that you feel and know it's right. When the Spirit of God is on your heart and on your life, and you know God has done something in your life, you can't explain it sometimes. There's no logic, there's no rationality as to why God has done what he's done in your life. No, you just know God has loved you in a way he ain't love nobody else. That's what Paul's trying to say. So he said, Let love be without hypocrisy. The NIV tries to take that negative command and turn it into a positive. He says, Let love be sincere. Like the message version. He says, love from the center of who you are. Don't fake it. Implication we can fake this thing. We can try to put some rules and regulations on it, but no, it's a transformed heart. And he uses this to describe it. And many of us know when we see that word hypocrisy in scripture, a lot of us have the idea of understanding that hypocrisy or a hypocrite was the ancient version of a play actor. You called an actor a hypocrite. And so Paul here is saying, look, whatever you do when it comes to love, stop trying to win an Academy Award. Just be who you are. You ain't trying to show off. You ain't trying to get somebody's attention. Just be who you are and let God's love flow through you. 30 times. So he says, never avenge yourself, but trust God to handle it. Archery translation. I know you're saying that's what I should have done last week. Well, do it next week. Amen. That's love. Don't try to avenge yourself. Trust God to handle it. If it's possible, be at peace with everybody. Live at peace with everyone. If it's possible. If it's possible. That ain't the emphasis in the Greek, but I'm just putting the emphasis there. If it's possible, and you know it's love when it's an impossible situation, and you're trying to live at peace. That's love. Celebrate those who do well in life. Don't trip, don't be jealous, don't be envious. How many of y'all know what he's done for others? He'll do the same for you. Celebrate those who deserve celebration. That's love. Affirm those who deserve affirmation. That's love. Affirmation is not an ugly word. Grieve with those who grieve. That's love. Don't say I'm just praying for you. No, I'm gonna be right here and grieve with you. That's love. And so that's my thesis statement this morning. The rhythm of God's love is the rhythm found in great relationships. There's a rhythm to this thing. There's a rhythm to it. It's a rhythm, you gotta feel it. And many times, if we want to feel the rhythm, you gotta change the method to get the rhythm right. That's what John Baptiste is working through. He's working through different methodologies in his mind. There's a certain method that he's trying to figure out how to play a certain song so that when the method's right, the rhythm will be right. Because a lot of times here's what we say, well, Pastor, I've been praying about this relationship for 20 years and nothing's changing. That's good. You ought to have good effort in every relationship. But maybe the problem is you praying about effort when God says, no, this is not an effort issue, this is a method issue. So you can give a whole lot of effort in prayer. That's a wonderful thing. But at some point you got to decide there's a different method if this thing's gonna have the right rhythm. Preach Autre, I am. Oh, there's a great, there's a great quote by Todd Bostinger. I've been reading his books about leadership, he's been amazing. He says this in times of great change, learners inherit the earth while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped for a world that no longer exists. He says there are two categories of people, those who continue to learn and those who have learned it all. He said, those who continue to learn, the lifelong learners, the ones who learn even when they become old and still trying to learn more about life. They're the ones that are the difference makers. They're the ones that are on the cutting edge, they're the ones that'll get the best out of life. But there's another crowd, the learned crowd. The crowd you can't tell anything to. The crowd that knows it all. The crowd, watch this, that'll answer your question even before you ask it. That crowd. He said, that's the crowd. If they're not careful, they'll find themselves out of date, antiquated, and ill-prepared to deal with the world and relationship that is required in a new way. So watch what he says. Watch what he says. Here's what he says. He says, watch this. A lot of people, when they mess up, they'll say to themselves, okay, I messed up in that situation, but I'm gonna do better the next time. So that's the natural inclination. I messed up in that situation. Okay, learn the lessons. I'm gonna do better the next time. And so what do they do? Here's what he says they do do better, but by better, here's what they mean: they try harder, they give more effort, they grit their teeth, they roll up their sleeves. I'm gonna make this work. Problem is, they're still using the same methods. So they're trying harder with the same methods, expecting a different result. And toxins, it doesn't matter how hard you try until you change the method. The ether doesn't matter. And if we want to get the right rhythm for our relationships, listen, sometimes we can continue to give the effort, but does anybody know you gotta change the way you talk to people, you gotta change the way you handle people, you gotta change your whole method of how you relate. Oh God. Okay, let me go, let me go. Here we go. Four rhythms. I ain't got time to do all four of them. Matter of fact, the fourth one is next week's sermon. The fourth one is next week's sermon. I said, Lord said, you can't get that all in, and once I, you're right. So the fourth one is next week's sermon. Here's the first one. Number one, the rhythm of faith. Great relationships that are great have a rhythm of faith. Faith. Now, when I say faith, most of us think, well, that must mean we pray together and you ought to do that. Most folks think, well, we go to church together. Yeah, you ought to do that. But I'm talking more than that. When I talk about faith, here it is. I'm talking about the gospel as the basis for the relationship. It's more than saying I'm a member of Christ's community. It's more than saying that Pastor Archie is my pastor. Because when y'all cussing each other out, telling somebody Pastor Archie's your pastor ain't gonna help you in that argument. Preach. Okay? No. It's when both of you decide it's more than just Christian cliche and a scripture quote. But the foundation of this relationship is the gospel. Romans 12, 1 through 2. Here's what it says. I urge you, therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, to offer your body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, this is your true uh uh your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind. That's the gospel. Paul is saying, look, the inspiration to live the faith starts with the gospel. What is the gospel? Christ died for us. Hung bled and died one dark Friday, 2,000 years ago. Hung his head, died, but didn't stay dead, the old preacher said. Got up with all power in his hand. That's the gospel. The gospel is the basis for how we relate. So the gospel, watch this, is the work of God for us. The gospel of Jesus Christ, his death, burial, and resurrection is the work of God for us and in us. He changes something on the inside. But here's what we miss. When Paul gives us Romans chapter 12, verse 1 and 2, it's not just about the gospel being for us, it's the gospel through us. In other words, the basis of the gospel is not just what God has done for me, but what God wants to do through me. Here's the implication. If God never does anything through me, maybe he's never ever done anything for me. Oh, y'all not getting this. So the gospel becomes the basis for how we relate with one another. So let me make this plain. The foundation of what we believe. Psalm 11 and 3. David said, if the foundations are shaken, what shall the righteous do? What he means by that is if the foundations of society are falling apart, what should we do? What is the basis for a stable society? You've got to have a good foundation. Foundation on truth. Foundation on good and righteous morality. A foundation on justice. He says, if you don't have those as undergirding your foundation, you don't have a society. So also, too, the gospel has to serve as the foundation of our relationship. So what is that for us? Jesus gave two commands. Basically. Two commands. The Great Commission, the Great Commandment. Great commission says, go into all the world, preach the gospel. Great commandment, love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, mind, and soul. Love your neighbor as yourself. Watch what Jesus does. John 13, verse 34 and 35. Because he already knows that we will redefine what a neighbor is. He already knows he got some folk that's gonna get saved, which he will call loophole Christians. They're gonna find a loophole around what God means by love your neighbor as yourself. So in John 13, 34 and 35, he says, This is what love is. Love one another just like I loved you. That way folk gonna know that you have love for one another. So what's the basis? The way you want God, the way God wants you to treat others, is the way God has treated you. And that becomes the basis for how we relate to one another. And what God says, here it is. It's not what I said, it's not what I want, it's not because I'm the biggest and the baddest in the relationship, it's what God has said, and how we relate that determines what is right and what is wrong in a relationship. So here it is, here it is. The Bible says, confess your faults to one another. What does that mean? Here it is. When you've done something wrong, would you apologize instead of explaining why you did it? I have to do this about every four years. So repeat these three words after me. I was wrong. Don't you feel better? Don't you feel better already? Don't you? Apology is a gospel issue, y'all. Look, it doesn't mean that the other person doesn't have some apologies to make, but what it means is if I truly love Jesus, and if I truly believe the gospel is the foundation of the relationship, when I've done something wrong, listen, I was wrong. Period. Period. Not a comma, not a comma, not a semicolon. I was wrong, but no. Tell your neighbor to do you good, it'll do you good. Here's one, here's one. James says, be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger. Gospel says, when I have conflict with somebody, I need to hear them out. Doesn't say quick to speak. Somebody out there listening to me. Doesn't say slow to hear and quick to go off on somebody. Here's one, here's one. The gospel doesn't even put a limit as to who we ought to apologize to. Is this mic working today? Is it working? I know we have some digital issues in our system. Um parent, you will always be the parent and the older one in the relationship. But you're not above apologizing to your children. Pastor, what are you talking about? I'm talking about what I know, not what I heard. Don't ever think you above. Now, look, I ain't I ain't saying you apologize for being the parent. I ain't apologizing for that. Certain things ain't happening in my house. Amen. I know that ain't popular. You can do whatever you want in your house, but as for me and my house, that ain't happening in this house. All right? Don't apologize for being a parent. But it's wrong based on Genesis 1.26 to destroy the image of God in children. It's wrong. And we have to be Christian enough with the foundation of our relationship to say, I'm not here to tear up your dignity. I'm here to build you up. Number two, I gotta keep going. The rhythm of trust. Great relationships have a high level of trust that is built over years. And they're careful with the trust because they know trust is a fragile thing. They don't just say anything. They're careful, they weigh their words, they step back, they pray about it, they pause, they don't blurt anything out. I've said it before. Words are like toothpaste. Once it's out the tube, that's it, baby. You can't get it back. So, so people who understand the value and the fragility of trust, they're very careful with their words. Why? Not because they're muting themselves. There's a way to say it. There's always a way to say it. No, they want to protect and guard the trust because it takes too much energy and effort to build it. So he says, he says, love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Verse 21, he says, do not overcome, do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. That's integrity. That's doing the right thing. That when there's, watch this, when there is a pattern of integrity and truthfulness, it builds trust. Trust is not earned. Watch this. Trust is not earned on the first day. It's not earned in the first year. Trust takes time. I got a great quote. Got a great quote here. Here it is. Let me get this quote. It's a great quote. Here's what one person said. Trust is gained like a thermostat and loss like a light switch. You know, you turn the thermostat, it's gonna take a while for that bad boy to heat up, right? Come on, somebody. But with a light switch, it's over. That's trust. Which means some folk don't know how to handle trust. Oh my God. Let me give you another one. What is rushed is what is rushed is rarely rooted. Trust rises over time and requires diligence. We can't be flippant. We can't be careless with trust. It's a work. Meditation text. Trust rises when people are mature enough to show care. Trust rises when people are mature enough to show care. Meditation text. When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child. But when I grew up, came groan, put away childish things. What is he talking about? In the context, it's the love chapter. 1 Corinthians 13. In the context, Corinthians thought maturity was whether you had the platform. Maturity is whether you had the greater gifts, the more showy gifts. The gifts that draw attention to yourself. And Paul said, no, that's not maturity. Maturity gets to the place and says, you know what? It's not about whether I'm out at front, it's whether I can care for others. So when I grew up, I put away the showy stuff. The need to be the center of attention. The need to have all eyes on me. Come on, y'all. The need to have everything to be about me. I finally grew up and put away childish things and became mature to love and care for people based on their needs. Now, why are you sharing that, Pastor? Here it is. Hear me well. Everybody ain't mature enough to love the way you need to be loved. Which means you you gotta have certain boundaries. Certain boundaries. Let me go to my next point. I want to say the next one. And this is the third one, which is very important. The rhythm of respect. And here's what I mean by that. So you got trust, you got faith, you got trust and respect. The rhythm of respect, you gotta have certain boundaries. I can respect you, but I might have to respect you at a distance. Why? Because the Amago Day says that every person is made in the image of God. Because I know what somebody said, well, no, trust is earned, and that's true. But when you say trust is earned, be careful with that statement. Because it sounds like if I don't trust you, I can say anything to you. No. No. Because Genesis 1 says we're all made in the image of God. Which means if I tear somebody's dignity down, I'm tearing down the divinity that God has invested in that person. Which is why, as a preacher, I gotta be careful what I say about certain folk that y'all know Pastor don't care about, because I don't want to tear down their dignity. Plus, God is gonna deal with it when his time get ready when He gets ready with His time. So respect means I have a responsibility to respect people for who they are, but I may need some boundaries. That's the rhythm of respect. So he says, be devoted to one another in love, or better, brotherly love. So Paul here, when he uses brotherly love, it's the common sense of community or family. The very decency we give that we ought to give in family. That's what he's saying. I know our families are all jacked up, but in Paul's thinking, it's the basic bare minimum that human beings bear some sense of respect. They bear some sense of dignity. And we gotta respect that. Even though we may disagree with them, and great relationships do this well. They can have the most fierce argument or the fiercest argument, but they do it in a way that keeps their dignity intact. We get upset, we're tearing up everything the house, the dignity, the dog, anybody in our way. Tearing up the foundation, tear out all the plumbing, we're tearing everything up. It's okay. Because you're gonna have differences. But you gotta keep the dignity intact. Don't tear up their dignity. So I've seen this time and time again. I've seen it throughout my entire ministry. And this is it is an example for couples, but I've seen it with couples that have rhythm and couples that do not have rhythm. So whenever I sit down with a couple over the years, I usually ask two or three tough questions. Now they think I'm interested in the answer. But I'm not. I'm not interested in answers. I ask questions like so who decides who spends the money? That sounds like a fight right there, huh? Or who makes the final decision in this relationship? That's a fight right there, too, huh? You ain't gonna tell me what to do. I've been making my own decisions. My whole, how dare you think you're gonna tell me what to do, right? So I purposely ask hard questions. And I'm not looking for the content of the answer. I'm looking for the reaction. Because the reaction is gonna tell me whether you have rhythm or not. So, so you already know if somebody just says the first thing that comes out of their mouth and they don't care what the other person's thinking, and a lot of times they'll tell me and argue with me and tell me, but Pastor, we love each other. I tell you, y'all ain't gonna make it because at some point somebody gonna get tired of you just saying what's up, the first thing on your mind, and they're not gonna put up with that. But but the couples that have rhythm, even when they're struggling to even have decent communication, and I ask a hard question, they're gonna always do this. They're gonna look at each other. Implication: I wanna say something, and I could offend you, but I'm looking at your face because I don't want to say it in a way that's gonna offend you. Watch this. I disagree with you, but I respect you enough as a person that I don't want to front you in front of Pastor Altre. That's respect, y'all. And we've lost that. Respect says, I may disagree with you, but I don't have to tear out your womanhood or your manhood. I don't have to tear down who you are. I don't have to gut you. Pray to God, my wife and I will be together for the rest of our lives. But one prayer I prayed from the beginning of our marriage that I would not say something that would gut who she is as a woman. That ought to be the prayer of every single person in here. Lord, don't ever let me just say something to my child that just breaks them completely down. Lord, don't ever let me say something to my brother or my friend or my husband or my wife or my pastor or my Christian friend that just destroys and crushes them to the ground. That should be our prayer. Because I know we get upset. And you're gonna get upset. Matter of fact, you're gonna get hurt. Which leads to my last point, and I'm done. Here it is: the rhythm of forgiveness. Lord just laughed at me when I made that a point. He said, You know, that's a whole sermon series by itself. I said, Okay, I'll preach it next Sunday. So next Sunday to get the whole sermon, you gotta be here next Sunday. I'm dealing with forgiveness next Sunday. Okay, forgiveness. The rhythm of forgiveness. Couples that have great relationships know how to sincerely, hear me? Sincerely forgive and move on. And move on. And move on. Okay, okay. I'm gonna, I was gonna tell you another story to close this up, but now I'm seeing the way y'all look, I gotta tell you another story. Okay. Forgiveness, here's here's forgiveness. At its root, and I'm gonna just tell you up front, and we're gonna deal with this next Sunday. Forgiveness means to let it go and move on. Forgiveness means I'm gonna, here it is, I relinquish the right to do to you what you did to me, and I'm gonna move on the best way I can. Now I already know there's another sermon to that, too. So I gotta deal with forgiveness and I gotta deal with brokenness. I got that. I got that. You'll get it. Okay, but forgiveness says I relinquish my right. Because that's how I feel sometimes in this political crime. I relinquish my right to do to you what you did to me. And I'm gonna keep on moving forward, knowing that God's gonna handle this. So because y'all looked at me funny, now I gotta change the clothes because I gotta change it completely. And that's it's your fault, it ain't mine. I had another clothes, but now I gotta go another way. Miles James. Like, who's Miles James? Okay. Miles James was a civil rights, not civil rights, I'm sorry. Was an African-American Civil War soldier. And in 1864, he was charged by his superiors to attack the Confederacy. And he had about, I think, 40 or 50 soldiers behind him. He was a I think he was the lieutenant corporal at the time, and he would eventually get a promotion as a result of his bravery. But he was, he was, he was commit, he was designated with the mission to lead a group of black men against the Confederacy in a hell of fire of bullets. Okay? So they're running through the woods, and uh and bullets are just coming and just picking off all these soldiers, left and right. He's about twenty feet away from them. He gets shot in the arm so badly that he couldn't even use it. This Joker amputates his arm on the spot, wraps it up, picks up his rifle, and charges and keeps on shooting. Not only did he let it go, but he kept on moving. And I don't know who I'm talking to today. I know some folk have hurt you. I know they've done you wrong, but when Jesus is on your side, you can put it down and still keep on fighting. Don't you give them? Don't you? You can still give him a simple flood, give him a heart being broken, you can feel gone. He loses your club, he'll kill you harm, he'll put a smile on your face, give me a jumble in your spin, he'll keep you fighting, hold on the gods, I'm changing hand. And he'll keep you fighting, he'll keep you moving. Hallelujah. I drop my