FINDING YOURSELF AGAIN

Finding yourself again as a mom is about rediscovery, not reinvention. It’s the quiet, often messy process of reconnecting with the parts of you that existed before motherhood—your passions, your voice, your identity—while also honoring the person you’ve become. In the middle of caring for everyone else, it’s easy to lose sight of your own needs and dreams. This journey is about permitting yourself to grow alongside your children, to evolve without guilt, and to realize that you are still whole, still worthy, and still you—just in a new chapter.

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:11

Welcome back, everybody. We are now on episode three of this mom's podcast, and I'm here again with Kira, Sarah, and Crystal. And we ended episode two with just talking about how, you know, Crystal was saying that when she gets home from work, you know, she just needs some time just to regroup. So, Crystal, I just want you to um, you know, uh expound on that a little bit more when you're in that time.

SPEAKER_00 0:40

Um, so yeah, my biggest thing is to kind of just shut everything off. Um, I know in our first episode we talked about the load, right? And so if my brain is chasing at a million hours a million miles an hour about, you know, work things and then what's up coming up next was all the kids or my husband. Um, it's really important for me to just kind of tone tune everything out. Um, so I'll go in my room, I do have a little prayer corner and I'll you know, sometimes I just flip the Bible and wherever the Lord stops me is where I land and I read and um I don't know, I have this like this thing where I like pull out action verbs and stuff like that and um just prayer, right? Centering myself back into who I am, who God has called me to be, the environment He has placed me in. Um, and then releasing it all that way I can come back to the kiddos, come back to my husband at 95%. Um and just be ready to take on, you know, whatever's next.

SPEAKER_04 1:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:47

I like how you said find who I am. And that's really what we're we're gonna be diving into uh with this episode is like when you do that, um, have you found that it's been difficult for you to remember or who you are? Um because I know like for me, I'm always so and so's mom, or which I love, but no matter what season it was like, oh, you're Amber, you're so-and-so's mom, right? Um, and it's like, yeah, but I'm also me, right? So, like, do you do you find that you struggle with that? And I'm gonna get you the other two, you you gotta get ready to answer this as well. So, like, do you struggle with that at all?

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Um, like uh yes and no. Um it's a little harder for me because like I mentioned, I do work for a city and so I have a whole community that's like, hey, thank you for doing this, thank you for doing it. And I my job is community engagement, right? Like I do all the things. I I help with events, I help with social media, connecting people here and there. Um so I find a sense of self in that because I'm a servant at heart. I just love people, I love seeing them happy. Uh but separating the two is where it gets tricky. Okay. Because I'm with my kids a lot. Um and so yes, I'm you know, my oldest mom, because he's obviously at the middle school, they see me all the time. Um, but then you also like help run the city. So when I see people, I'm like, I am me. I am, you know, Crystal that runs helps run the city. I'm Crystal that is, you know, my oldest mom, my youngest mom. I am Crystal who loves church. I am Crystal who loves the ocean, you know. I have plenty of friends that I deep dive with. And I think my biggest thing is using my time wisely to find or to experience myself for who I am and who God has called me to be. So yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:58

Okay. I know like um for me, I did struggle with this um because my husband and I, we started um our family, we were very young. You know, and um I I was was I'm not good at math, but I do remember looking back and thinking, I have been a mom longer than I've just been just Amber. Same, you know. So it's like, so for me, you know, some people want to say, Do you want to go back to you? Do you miss anything? It's like, mm, I was so young, I definitely don't want to go back to the amber that she was before. But um, I've also now been in this journey of who I am now. And it's been a difficult like identity shift for me right now that my kids are are grown. Um and so I want to, I do want to hear from each of you, you know, like, you know, I would say so, Kira. You said you started your family very young too. So, like, what have you struggled with? Um, just finding time for you, for who you are, and kind of getting not just always being mom.

SPEAKER_02 5:07

So I'm currently in this identity finding, wayfinding stage. Uh, because I did start young, but as I was thinking, as you were talking, there were a lot of identities that even came before the mom, right? You know, daughter, caregiver, you know, wife, all of those things came before being my kid's mom. Um and I have a strong work identity too, right? That that comes up um a lot for me. And so in this stage of my my life, I'm trying to figure out and kind of pull to your point, pull those pieces apart and figure out, okay, who's just Kiro? Yes. Like who's that? Yeah. And um trying to find a way to, I think what I am trying at this point in time is that a lot of my identities, um, and this may be the same for others, you find in relation to, right? So I am mom because of my kids, right? I am, you know, this professional because of my job, or those, those types of things. And so I'm trying to figure out, okay, oh, I have my my church community, I have, you know, the school community, my job community, what communities do I want to be a part of that I would find joy in being? And I haven't found the answer to that yet. And so I feel like it's trial and error, and some of it also has to come with being uncomfortable because we get real comfortable in our previous identities. Um, and so if you want to shift that or pay more attention to things, you kind of have to get out of your comfort zone. And that's not always easy. Uh, so it's I'm a work in progress, y'all. And I don't know that I have the answer, but go for it. Go do it. Um, and yeah, once you if you find something that works, come and circle back and give that to me. But that's where I'm at right now. And I'm I'm enjoying that. Just this thought of possibility, it even thinking about like the mental load, I will say this. I'm making space mentally and emotionally for that work to happen. Um, before I would not have done that or prioritized that. And it really is intentionally taking that space. So for example, going to work now, whereas I would go to work and jump into it, right? I go to work and I take my first half hour to say, who do I want to be here? Like and I do things. So I will put on my prayer music and I will, you know, you know, um, pray or I'll journal or just to set the tone that I am more than this place makes me, you know. And so I'm trying to be intentional about taking cura into those places as to in as opposed to making those places define who I am when I show up, if that even makes sense. Um it's it's intentional work.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Yeah. That's good.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

I love that. Yeah. Um, this is something I've struggled with for years and years and years. Uh, like you guys, I had kids young. I think I was 23 when my oldest was born, and 27 when my youngest was born. So it was a my 20s were, I don't remember a lot of them because you know, I was around. Raising kids. Yeah, and I, you know, at 23, now that I'm not 23, I can look back and say, that's a kid, you know. Because that my daughter's 21, and that's definitely to me, she's definitely a kid. Right. I mean, respectfully. Yes. No, same. Let's be honest. Let's be honest.

SPEAKER_04 9:07

My 32-year-old will always still be my kid. Right. There are babies.

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Yeah. So um, yeah, I think in my 30s, uh, my kids were still really young, but I I did start to have that feeling of wanting to be my own person. Not I felt like I was being covered up almost, or just being absorbed into being a mother. And I I really tried to fight that internally. Of course, I didn't communicate any of this to anyone because that's how I spent my 30s, just wrapped up in my own brain, which is super healthy. Doing great. What you too. But I think um I want to say, and my husband will probably confirm this, when I was probably around 40, I don't know what happened, but there was some kind of shift where I just did not care anymore about what you thought and what you thought I was supposed to be doing and what you wanted me to do. Like I had no more cares for any of it. And I just kind of, and my my whole family was, and even my friends were a little bit like, what is going on? Who are you? Now you're being this assertive, like giving your opinions on everything, and you're, you know, weighing in on stuff you would have just normally. I was a very go-with-the-flow person. Growing up, I had a childhood where there was not any room to have your own emotions, or you know, I was a people pleaser to survive. Um, and so I think when I I don't know what happened, but I my something in my brain just shifted and said, we're done with that. And we're gonna do what we want to do. And so if like if I don't want to cook dinner tonight, I'm not cooking dinner, and y'all are gonna figure it out. Like, you know, it's not like they were three and they couldn't feed themselves. Right. Right. So I think thinking back about identity and who I was and who I am, like I there is no separation, you know. We evolve as humans, and our experiences are the things that kind of feed into your identity sometimes. And I think that's okay and that's normal. And I think now at this point in my life, my identity is uh, you know, the culmination of all of these experiences I've had being a mother, you know, being an employee, being a wife, being a child to, you know, a a mother, like those kinds of things. It's it's not a cut and dry answer for me. It's just like Kira said, I'm kind of still evolving and figuring out who this is. And I'm sure that will keep changing because I think, you know, if we don't change, are we alive? Well, what are we doing at this point? And I hate change. So for me to say that is a big deal. I do not like change. I don't want anything to change. I want everything to just even if it doesn't feel comfortable to me, it's comfortable because it's normal. You know what I mean? Yeah. And so I think in the last five years, I've done a lot of kind of just okay, who not even necessarily who do I want to be, but like what do I want? What do I want my life to look like? Yeah. My kids are gonna leave soon. And so who am I gonna be after that? I don't want to be a shell of a person who has just been giving my whole life to my kids, which is not a bad thing. We do need to pour into our kids, but there needs to be something left when they're gone.

SPEAKER_03 12:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

And uh one thing that my husband did when my kids were old enough to be by themselves is he was very intentional about us taking trips with just me and him. Because he's like, he told our kids, you're not gonna drive her crazy because she's gonna be here and you're not. And so she was my wife before she was your mother. Um, so I think it's just kind of evolving. We're evolving, we're changing, and that's good. And I don't exactly know who I am all the time. And I honestly don't really care. Like right now, I am interested in things I'm interested in, and I'm doing the things I want to do when that changes, then okay, okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

I think that's the biggest part accepting it, like just knowing it's okay. Yeah, it's life is in cycles, regardless. Like we have ups and downs, and like you said, every year we change, and you know, life throws a bunch of things at us, and kids are growing, and puberty and all the things. Um, could you tell I'm going through that right now? That's a loaded hello. Is that another podcast? Is that another episode? Don't worry, it's really fun. Please, I'm not ready. Um, but one thing that I started maybe four or five years ago was actually taking like a three to four day vacation just by myself. Oh, wow. Like just disconnecting from the world. Um, I usually throw in like one of my favorite artists. When when I do do this, I throw in one of my favorite artists, like, you know, concerts or whatever. Um, and I just take that time to sit and process and evaluate, like you say, and figure out who do I want to be, you know, what is God putting in my life? You know, where does He want me to go? Um, and just sitting with it, sitting with it for a couple of days, processing it. Who am I outside of all of these things? And if all of these things are a part of me, then how do I live, at least for that year, right? Because it changes. Um, how do I live according to that?

SPEAKER_04 14:33

So I I do like that, you know, we've we all like I call it seasons of motherhood. Um, and I know I have I have changed with them and felt at times like I was growing up just like they were, and especially with our our first, because I was actually a mom before I was a wife. So we we had our our first child, our daughter, and I was only 18. And so I was a kid myself with a kid, and I remember like this is a whole different season that I'm going through right now, and I did, I grew up with her, and I feel like my evolving has come later because of how how young I was. You know, there's a 12-year span between our first and our last. So that's that's that's a long span. And so now that I'm I'm hitting that stage where he's in college, all the girls are out. I'm like, who am I? Right. It's like I'm not just so-and-so's mom. I'm like, okay, I'm I'm Amber and I feel like I'm becoming someone new. And um, I don't think that I'm always going about it the right way.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

Is there a right way about it? I don't, you know, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 15:50

I do think my kids are looking at me like, who is this woman? Is she really my mother? Um, and I I do find myself looking back, like, oh, I remember when they were so-and-so, or they were this big and we did this. But I can't always look back. Like, I have to move forward and and realize that there's something now else for me to do. And um I know that like not all of you have adult kids. Um, but with anything with that changing, like, do all of you also feel like you've grown up with your kids as well? Like, I know my oldest, she made me grow up really fast. And um, so like, how are ways that you have found that yourself, you found yourself growing up with your kids?

SPEAKER_01 16:37

I definitely feel like that. I remember I'm gonna age myself right now. That's okay. But I remember being like 24, 25. I think I had only had my first, and MySpace was a thing back then, right? MySpace. Oh, MySpace is right, yes. And I'm looking, I mean, I wasn't out of high school for that long at this point. I'm like 24. And so I'm looking at my life compared, this is where the social media comes in, compared to this group of friends that I had in high school, compared to their lives, and they could not be more different. I mean, they're still living their, you know, college years, and some of them were still in college and clubbing and doing the whole thing. And I'm like, I'm just covered in spit up and which I loved. Not I'm not the spit up part, but you know, having a baby. Um, but it was I think that was confusing for me sometimes because I very much felt not ready. I I mean, as much as I thought I was ready, once you have a kid, I don't care what age you are, you realize you are not ready. You're never ready. Um, you're never gonna be ready. But I remember thinking, like, I how how can I have this much responsibility? And they are still just no responsibility, living free. And it's not that I envied that, but it made me very aware of how young I was, I think. Yeah. And I had never felt that way before, and that scared me a little bit because I I really didn't feel ready at all. And so I think I mean, there's studies now that that show that your brain is not done when you are 23. No. And so thinking back on that, I'm like, that's honestly impressive that we were able to keep them alive. Keep them alive. That's the number one rule. Keep them alive. And I did it. We did it, guys. Yes, we did it. But yeah, I felt that very much. I didn't, I I kind of felt like I didn't have that period of in between high school and living with your, you know, parent or whatever, to now you're on your own for a while, and then you start your your new life. I just went started my new life right away. And so for a long time I felt that gap. Um, but looking back now, I mean, I think no matter what age I would have been, I like I said before, I don't think I would have felt ready. Um, but I do think, like you were saying, you I do think I kind of grew up with with my daughter, especially. Yeah. Because it was a lot of trial and error. And we tell her all the time, oh, we're like, look, you're sorry. Oh, I'm sorry. We've never done this before. Right. Like we and every year we're like, we've never had a 21-year-old before. Sorry. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 19:19

Yeah, and I mean there's sometimes now with our son, it's like, oh, okay, I've got the hang of this. And then she's over here, like, I would have never been able to get away with that. Like, yeah, like you had said earlier, Kira, you you pick your battles, right? This is just not a battle I want to fight right now.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

The more worn down you get, and the less you're like, I I'm gonna let that one go because I have to. Right. And then your oldest is like, I that is not fair. Never, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:42

I get that I get that same from my oldest who and I had him at 21, so I was a young mom too, in college and all the things. How I did it, yeah, praise God. We do it. That's awesome. But yeah, same. It's just like figuring it out with the one, and then the second one comes along, you're like You gotta start over. Yeah, you do. You gotta start over.

SPEAKER_04 20:02

And you think how the how what's the age span between yours, Crystal? Uh so about eight, eight, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

It's a pretty big gap. Yeah, I thought I had one figured out. Here comes a and they're kind of like a and that second one's always different. Always complete opposite, yeah. And so it's like just relearning and and figuring it all out all over again. Yeah, so yeah, it's a process.

SPEAKER_04 20:26

It it is a process.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

It is well, I'm I'm looking forward because it seems like we all started early. And now that you know my youngest is 14 getting on, I'm like, come on. I love it. But yes, get out so I can live the life because my husband and I are like you, um, Sarah, it's like trips, you know, let's let's yeah, let's go and experience what it is to be, you know, emptiness.

SPEAKER_04 20:58

You know, it's it's funny. It's like I said that uh my husband and I, we did the same thing. Yeah, like get out of the house. We when we still technically have, because he he's in college, so he'll be back for the summer. But I when they're all gone though, I don't know what to like do with myself. It's like the house is quiet, everything's put back. It's like, can we just come over for a little bit of chaos and then leave a little bit? So it is a different, um, it's just it's just different. You know, I don't know. I mean, I've never walked through this before. So any older moms out there, if you want to like type in and chime in, you know, like how do you? I know eventually I will embrace it, but it's still one of those that's very new because I've been a mom for 32 years, right? And it's like, oh, now what?

SPEAKER_02 21:45

I'm looking forward for yeah, retribution and payback. Oh, I have two grandkids. Yeah, yeah. And I don't want to open the fridge and leave it open, leave it open. Yes, yes. Oh, I'm gonna I'm gonna do that.

SPEAKER_04 21:57

I've got uh two granddaughters right now, and I I Do enjoy it where I just walk in, I'm like, hey, and my daughter looks at me like, really, I'm like, I'm meme. It's fun. It is fun. So, and then just go over there and just hang out on their couch and eat their food. It's great. So I'm waiting for it.

SPEAKER_01 22:18

And to hear, and to hear the words, you were right. Oh, I have heard those a couple of times. I haven't heard it yet. I haven't heard it yet, but I'm counting on the fact that I'm waiting for you.

SPEAKER_04 22:30

I was like, just like, oh.

SPEAKER_00 22:32

In the back of your head, you want to be like, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:36

Like, I already knew that, but I'm glad that you know it too now. Yeah. I do love that we can laugh through this because you know what? If sometimes if we don't laugh, I feel like we're gonna cry, right? So it's always and I love to laugh. So it's one of my favorite things to do. So let's do a pivot here. Let's talk about self-care. All right. So self-care, that's a big thing I hear now. Um, this was not something that was ever brought up when I was growing up or even when I was raising our kids. So now you hear self-care. You gotta take care of yourself. Me time. I agree with that. And done correctly, it is beneficial. Um, but I think that sometimes it has become very me focused, like even selfish. And those two don't mix with being a mom. So um, one of the things that I know I struggled in this area with self-care, um, I never really took time for myself. Or even if I did take time for myself, I go out shopping and I would come back with something for everybody else but me, right? I was always thinking about my husband would be like, What did you get anything for you? I'm like, No. Like, why would I do that? How do you turn the home? And and then, or if I did do well at self-care, it was very rare. Um, where I'd have a day that I would just rest, I would then find myself having a hard time flipping back into, oh, now I have to be responsible. So I just found it was easier not to do that whole self-care. Um I think that, you know, we there's a balance there. So help me, because I still need help, help me, um, navigate through how you navigate through that balance of taking time for yourself, making it not that whole negative selfishness, but also like, what do you what do you do? I'm still trying to figure that out. I'm still in that that phase of what is it that I I like to do that's just for me? And so, like, how do you navigate through all that?

SPEAKER_02 24:36

I feel led to, well, one, I I don't have this all figured out too. So let me just be transparent there. I'm I'm on my journey. Um, but I feel led to point out, um, because I think this was a trap that I maybe fell into. Um, I come from a line of women who are very self-sufficient, independent, did all the things, right? Um so I very early on knew that I didn't want to be that person, although in a way I've I was, but in I I I thought that I was um making time for me where I'm like, I'm tired, I'm gonna go sleep. Now, in on the surface, that seems great, but sleeping is not resting. Sleeping is not necessarily taking time for yourself, it's the fact that your body can't go anymore and has like shut down. So I when you say self-care, I think there's a a distinction that needs to be made. Okay. Um, in the sense that self-care is you intentionally taking time out that is adding value to you and filling your cup and not um bumping against a wall because there's really no other, no other option. And your circumstances are making you making you pause. Making you pause. Um, because I thought I was taking care of myself, but no, I I my body was just saying, you you can't like you literally can't think anymore, you can't do anymore. And so sleep. Um turn it off. Turn it, turn it off, right? And so now um I'm trying to like I said earlier, trying to find out what brings me joy and try different things, but for me, the self-care is really the intentionality to bring joy into my life, right? It's just like I don't know what it's gonna be in any given moment. Well, I do like I do like strolls. I do like, I'm not gonna say walk because people get different ideas when you say walk. You know, you have the power walkers and I am not that. You're a stroller, I am a stroller, a solid stroller, um, with my audiobook. Um, that is me, and I like that. So there are times where I'm just gonna like uh I'm not gonna sit here and wonder what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna take a stroll. Yeah, you know, or if I'm upset or something, I'm gonna take a I'm gonna take a walk. Or I'm gonna listen to this book. But it's something that I'm intentionally choosing because in that moment it brings me joy. Yeah. And I think that's a very different mindset than maybe how I looked at self-care a few years back.

SPEAKER_04 27:11

Yeah, no, that's good. Yeah, yeah. I was saying go ahead, Sarah.

SPEAKER_01 27:15

Oh, I was gonna say when I I had struggled with this for a long time because uh when I first started hearing, like like Amber said, these are all new terms to us because this was never talked about. I mean, so we're figuring this out as we go. Also, I feel like my daughter has a great grasp on self-care because she's been hearing it for 10 years, you know. Right. But um, I think when it all this all started coming out, there were specific things that women could do to, you know, be doing self-care, like go get a pedicure. I don't want people to touch my feet. That's the same girls. And I don't want to do anything where it makes me interact with somebody I don't know. That makes me uncomfortable. And then I have to think, and then I leave and I'm stressing out about what I said. You're not relaxed at all. No, not relaxed at all. I'm more worked up when I get home and I have to go sleep, like Kira said. Uh so I found for me, self-care, it like you said, it is the the intention behind it. And uh I often have to be completely alone to have felt like I have self-care because when I know no one can come and ask me a question, then I can then I can relax. But when I feel like there's an opportunity that somebody's just gonna pop in and ask me a question or interrupt me or something like that, that that doesn't ever let me completely shut off. Shut off. Yeah, that's hard for me. Um, but I mean, like I don't have a great answer either as far as like activities. I like to read, I like to do puzzles. Uh I mean, I've recently taken up feeding the crows in my yard. Oh, please tell us more. I need to hear.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

Okay, so I have a picture and I have of them.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

It's probably that. Um so I read somewhere that crows are extremely smart, which I didn't know. I just thought they were annoying. And that they, if you feed them treats that they like, they will bring you presents like a coin or a rubber band, I'm hoping a wallet, something like that. With no ID, right? No ID, just cash. Just cash. Just cash. Um gold, gift cards. Gift cards and cash. Untraceable. But I so I read uh read up on it and what they like to eat and all that stuff, all that. So it's been like two weeks, and I've been putting peanuts in the shell out for them because it's good for them to keep learning and how to open the peanuts and everything. So being responsible. Now we're on to we've added not we, I've added meal worms and oh, this is a thing. It's a thing, and I feel it's spiraling a little bit, but I don't care. And so now we have about five crows that just kind of hang out. Did we name them? We have named some of them. Oh my word. We have Jerry, Heather, Dennis so far, and they do have southern accents because we're in the south and they're southern crows. Yeah, so yeah, they're hanging out. I love this for you. Yeah, so I think my children think I'm a little crazy. No, not yet. But it's only been two weeks. Okay, slowly but surely.

SPEAKER_02 30:29

I might be a little inspired, John.

SPEAKER_01 30:30

I was kind of saying the same thing when I was talking to Sarah earlier. Yeah, we need an update.

SPEAKER_04 30:34

But I don't know if I have enough crows in my neighborhood.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

You'd be surprised. I'd be surprised. I didn't think we had this many, and and I'm a little bit afraid of how many are gonna show up.

SPEAKER_00 30:45

Keep going, Sarah. Keep going.

SPEAKER_01 30:47

My neighbors are gonna be so scared of it.

SPEAKER_04 30:50

Yes, that's what they're called. What was that movie the birds? Remember that from years and years ago? I remember that. Yeah, creepy.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

I know it's a little, it could be a little creepy, but you know what? It's you'll have gold soon. It's my it's my self-care. It's your self-care. Feed the crows, y'all. Feed Dennis and Jerry and Heather. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 31:08

What I love is that you said that my kids might think I'm crazy. And it's like, you know what, that's okay. Yeah, it's yeah, being in a couple of things. I don't care. I don't care what they bring.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

I like that. I love that.

SPEAKER_04 31:20

Taking time for ourselves, it's essential as a mom. And um, we all need to take that time and not let that mom guilt come in and say, oh, look at you, you know, you're taking time for yourself, and your kids could be sick or, you know, whatever, whatever might come in there. And we are um we need to remember that we are designed to contribute and not just simply consume. So not even not to take that self-care as this is a time just for me, like an entitlement. I deserve this. We do, but you need you need to have that reason to avoid going above and beyond because then you lose that true purpose, right? So, of how we find that balance. And um, yeah, I I love that that we're all I love that some of us are still navigating. I still struggle with it. Um, I may take up you, you know, having some crows in my backyard. I recommend call. You know, I I'm waiting for the first picture when you get your first uh your first treasure gift. That one's going on social media. Yes, yeah, I love it.

SPEAKER_01 32:28

That's a social media word. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_04 32:31

And I love that we're all at different seasons. And I know that no matter what season, how what age we are, that the fact that we're moms that brings us together and we can still learn and grow uh from each other. And um, before we end this, because we're getting ready to end our time together. Oh, I know it's sad. Is there anything else that you would like to add? If there was, you know, let's go back even to episodes one and one and two. If there was something that maybe you thought you should have said before about the mom guilt or even, you know, that that load that we carry, can you think of is there anything that you thought of that, oh I maybe should maybe should have said that. That is your looking back. I like the pause.

SPEAKER_01 33:25

I think maybe to advocate for yourself. Yeah. Because when you do that, especially if you have daughters, you're advocating for them too. Yes. Because if they're seeing you take time to uh upstate your needs and where you're frustrated and where you might need help, that gives them the permission to do that in the future for themselves.

SPEAKER_04 33:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:47

Because I the last thing I want is for any of my kids to struggle with the same things that I've struggled with. Uh and I know that's inevitable sometimes, but you would hope as a parent that you could at least save them from some of the hardships that we've had just by them watching us go through them and navigating them and getting it wrong and sometimes getting it right. Yeah, you know, and just uh keep keep advocating for yourself. Like keep speaking up, keep communicating. Um, don't give up when you know you have expectations and they're not being met.

SPEAKER_00 34:25

I think one thing I want to circle back to is the village conversation. I think it's just important to have people in your village that are older than you, younger than you, more experienced than you, first-time moms, moms who've had six, seven, eight kids, because that's an experience on its own. Um and yeah, just just learning from each other is is really big. It's key. That's the only way that we grow.

SPEAKER_02 34:52

Yeah. Perhaps I would say you know, take time to mother yourself. That's good. Yeah. That's important. Yeah. If you if you were able to to give yourself a lot of your mom advice and have an outer body experience, what would your mom say you say to you? Yeah. And um value her words.

SPEAKER_04 35:17

That's awesome. That's good. Man, with that, thank you, ladies. Thank you. Man, this has just been it's just been wonderful. I love talking with all of you. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedules to sit here and laugh and talk, and and um to all you moms out there listening, thank you. You are all doing a great job. You're doing the hard work and you matter.