Marrying void vs. Marrying kingdom

In this episode, we dive into Matthew 6:19–21 and what it truly means to examine where our heart is positioned. I open up about the consequences of making decisions without waiting on or consulting God and how easy it is to try to cover those choices with temporary fixes, thinking we can somehow “make it right” on our own.

We unpack the difference between lust and love, and how seeking connection through sex can become a substitute for the deeper, spiritual connection we’re actually longing for. This conversation gets honest about what it looks like to know how to commit—but still find ourselves committing to the wrong things, feeding the flesh instead of surrendering our hearts to God.

Grounded in Proverbs 4:20–23, this episode is a reminder that whatever we allow to take root in our hearts will ultimately lead us. The question is: what are you storing there?

Hold on to God’s promises, guard your heart, and let Him lead because where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Hey guys, welcome to Let's Talk 1213 episode four. I'm so happy that you have joined me on this journey. Oh my gosh, I am so excited. Today we're gonna talk about Marion Boyd versus Marion Kingdom. As you guys know, I was in a marriage for two years. Um, although that I was with my ex-husband for since 2019, and we separated um officially in 2024, April of 2024. Now, let me tell you some revelations that God has given me that I feel like I need to share with you guys, right? I end up marrying my void, right? Um, when I started dating my ex-husband, it was out of pure lust. I had gotten out of another relationship and I was just not looking to be committed with anybody. I just literally am gonna tell you guys the truth. I was using him for sex. And because my heart posture wasn't in the right place and because I wasn't going to my father to deal with the issues of my heart, I ended up attaching to myself to someone because I wanted to feel wanted. I wanted to feel needed, I wanted to fill in that temporary feeling of feeling by myself, right? Um, as you guys may know or may not know, like I feel very disconnected from like my family, and I always had to fight for love, right? And so I started using sex as a way for me to feel connection, like, and it wasn't not good. Like I did not consult with God, right? Um, about it. And then through this marriage and through our relationship, I ended up getting pregnant um November of 2020. And so, and then because I got pregnant, I started condemning myself, like, oh my gosh, I don't want to have another abortion. Um, at this time, I already had three abortions, and I was like, God was already dealing with me about that that having an abortion is like basically worshiping another God. And he did not want me to basically keep doing that. So I felt so grieved in my heart, y'all, that I basically was like, you know what? I'm gonna try to fix this thing. Like, you know, we gotta get married. We got I basically was trying to put a band-aid on my mistake instead of really leaning on God and asking God to give me the grace to like be a mom and to give me the grace and to forgive me. Like, I did not go in repentance mode. I went to fix it mode. Like I thought I was Bob the Builder and I was gonna fix this thing because I gotta get it right with God. I was so condemning myself, like, oh my God, how can God love me? How God wanna use me now? Like, I done I done did the major sin. Like I had a baby out of wedlock. And so even though my heart posture was like, you know what, God, I don't want to have another abortion, but everything after it was just like I also didn't consult with God on what that looked like moving forward, right? And so it was more I married him out of lust instead of love because I never really had allowed myself to fall in love. Like, did I have love for him? Absolutely. Did I care for him? Absolutely, but I was not in love with him, right? And so because I wasn't in love with him, I just was willing to commit myself to a thing, right? Instead of committing myself to my heavenly father and laying my life life down for him, I started committing myself to like I need to fix this. I even though I'm not in love with you, like if we're gonna live together, I'm not about to be playing a house. I didn't stay 10 tones down and like, look, you can't live here no more. Like, even though those were all the things that was going through my heart, like when I was six months pregnant, I ended up kicking him out and I brought him back because you know I was trying to maintain the home. Like, oh, I don't want to raise my daughter in a broken home and like we're gonna get married, and all of these other things, like filling the void of disconnection with sex was just like my biggest mistake. Like, I don't, I just want to encourage you guys, like, do not try to fill in your voids with your vices, right? Um, I, of course, around that time I was not smoking anymore because I was pregnant and then I had my daughter, and I didn't want to be pass that down to her, my addictions down to her, so I completely stopped smoking. But sex was just always what kept us connected. That's how our relationship started, and that's basically how it ended, right? Once I withdraw sex, it's like there was nothing for us to really have. And so I basically had to go through this journey of like getting a divorce, right? And and God really, I condemned myself about that too because it's like, God, I'm your daughter. Like, how what people are gonna say about me? One of the things I worry about a lot is like, what would people say? Like, people are very judgmental, and God basically is allowing me now to use this story to encourage you. Do not marry your void, do not marry trauma bonding, do not marry because you want to feel a sense of connection. If you're gonna marry, first, first, you need to marry God. Let that be your first husband. Let him show you what it is to be a wife or a husband, right? Before you decide to commit yourself to someone, right? Marry kingdom, seek ye first the kingdom of God. That's what Matthew 6 and 33 talks about. We're gonna read Matthew 6, 19 to 21, right? And let's hear before we get to verse 13, let's hear what verses 19 to 21 tells us. It says that do not store up for yourself treasures on earth where moth and raw rust destroy, where thieves break in and steal, but store up for yourself treasures in heaven where neither moth nor raw rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal, for where your treasure is, there your heart will also be. Honestly speaking, I was so worried about the earthly principles and how people were gonna see me. Instead of worrying about God, how am I storing treasures in heaven by my decision making? Right? And I think sometimes we forget, like out of the in your heart, there are really issues in there. And if we don't deal with those traumas, if we don't deal with the broken places and go before our father, who said that he's close to the brokenhearted, we try to fill in the gap with all of these other things. We try to fill it up with smoking, we try to fill it up with drinking, we try to fill it up with partying, we try to fill it up with compromising our faith for people, right? And I had to learn in this season that you know what, God, I made the mistake. And now I need to make a decision because my marriage wasn't healthy, it was very psychologically abusive, it was very much so emotionally abusive. I gained the most weight that I ever gained in my life. I never felt love, I never felt seen, I never felt cared for. Why? Because I never went to God and consulted him about this marriage. Did we do the marriage counseling thing? Absolutely. But I lied during those stages. I was telling my pastor that he was working, and when he wasn't working, I was holding up the mantle of head of household and it was breaking me down because I was out of order. I tried to make the wrong thing right. When the Bible says that it is God who makes the wrong thing right, it is God who corrects our footsteps, it is God who disciplines us. And I was just taking full control, head honcho, to try to do everything in my own power. So I want to encourage you guys today. Like, please be mindful who you commit yourself to, be mindful who you attach yourself to. Look at your heart posture. How are you positioning your heart in those moments when you're making certain decisions? God said, lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways, seek him, look for him, look for his word. Everything is in this word. That's why I'm big on read the Bible for yourself, back and front, front and back, because it's gonna give you the tools and resources. Let's look at Proverbs chapter 4, verses 20 and 23 to 23. It says, My son or daughter, pay attention to my words, incline your ear to my sayings. They are not to escape from your sight. Keep them in the mix of where? Your heart, for they are life to those who find them and healing to all their body. Watch over your heart with diligence, for from it flows the spring of life. So God is saying we have to guard our hearts. This is the scripture that says, Guard your heart with all diligence. From from it flows the springs of life, the issues of life. If we are not guarding our hearts with the word of God and understanding, it says, keep them in the mix of your heart, for they are life to those who find them. I was so lifeless. I was so lifeless, I was so dependent on trying to fix things in my own power that I ended up being in a relationship that was not good for me. I ended up being in a marriage that wasn't good for me. My daughter is the blessing out of all of those things, right? But God allowed that relationship to teach me that I need to lean on him a little bit more. God will put us through certain situations and certain circumstances to show him that we cannot do this life without him. We cannot make decisions without him. We have to pay attention to his words, incline your ears to his saying. Don't escape from them. David said in the Psalms, that word that I hid it in my heart, so that I may not sin against thee. And if we're not constantly going to God's word, if we're not constantly searching for him and seeking for him and asking him, God lead me, guide my footsteps, then we're doing things in our own power. And if God is not in it, it is evil, okay? It is our own flesh. And our flesh is enmity towards God. Our flesh goes against our spirit. Our flesh is what causes our spirit to be grieved and quenched. And God is calling us to live according to our spirit and not our flesh. We walk by faith and not by sight. You cannot allow what we see around us, our circumstances around us, to control how you make decisions. The way that you make decisions is based on God's standards, not your expectations. Based on what God called you to do, based on his promises, based on your intimate relationship with him. If you're saying that you're an intimate relationship with God and you trust in him, that means you believe in his words and how he ordained things to be. God is a God of order. He is not a God of disorder, okay? He has set everything in his word for us to live, right? And so I just want to encourage you guys today on episode four, do not marry your void. Do not commit yourself to your voids. Because we are broken people, but we have a father that says that he's the potter and he and we're the clay. And the one thing I love about that scripture in Jeremiah is that when the potter is finished with the clay, molding it and shaping it, if he sees a crack or if he sees that it's not to his liking, he breaks it and re-molds it and starts shaping it again. So even in your broken places, God will use that to remod your mind, to transform your mind, to renew you. So even with your brokenness, God can use that. Don't try to fill in the gaps because once you fill condemnation, in Romans 8, it says that there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ. That means your flesh is at work. And the enemy is seeking, like a roaring lion, how to destroy us. Lions eat flesh. You do not want God, the enemy, to seek you out and sift you out because you're in your flesh. And then that pulls you away from what God is calling you to do. So always remember, commit yourself, even when you make a mistake. God said a righteous man falls seven times, but he gets back up. We have to get back up and say, okay, God, how am I gonna do this thing with you? How are we gonna move forward? What is it that I gotta do next, right? Because then we will be able to feel the full blessing and a peace that surpasses all understanding. We guard our hearts so that God can give us peace. And the only way we can find peace is through Jesus Christ. It's through being in partnership with Him. So I hope that encourages you. Do not marry your void, marry kingdom, marry the Word of God, marry our Heavenly Father, commit yourself because marriage is a covenant, it's a commitment. And our first covenant and commitment should be with our Heavenly Father, our Lord and Savior. Remember these words, my son, my daughter, pay attention to my words, incline your ear to my sayings. They are not to escape from your sight. Keep them in the mix of your heart, for they are life to those who find them, and healing to all of your body. So even if you feel brokenhearted, watch over your heart with diligence, for from it flows the springs of life. So I hope that encouraged you how it encouraged me. Always read the word for yourself. I love you guys.