MIS(TER)GENDERED S1 E9 SHERINE MENES

 |Join host Sar White in conversation with Sherine Menes, an actor working in theatre and film, who reflects on carving out identity and truth while growing up in a Filipino immigrant family. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:01

I gratefully acknowledge this series was recorded on the unceded traditional territories of the Musqueam, Squamish, and Sleigh Watooth nations. Indigenous peoples have maintained stewardship and jurisdiction over these lands since time immemorial.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

A few years down the road, I realized I was a lesbian. And that was both quick and sudden, actually.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

And was that theoretical, or was it like you met somebody?

SPEAKER_00 0:30

No, that was also theoretical.

SPEAKER_03 0:45

Welcome to Mr. Gendered, the show where we swap labels for lived experience and get curious about life beyond the binary. Today we meet Shereen Menace, a Vancouverite and talented actor who appears in both theater and film productions. Let's join the conversation. Okay, so we're gonna start out just with uh kind of a snapshot orientation of where you're at today, and then we'll day into how you got here. Yeah. Or there. So if you could say, you know, your name, what's important, your culture, pronouns, identity, any of those things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

So I'm Shereen Menes. Um, I use datum pronouns. I identify as a non-binary person and also a lesbian. Um, I was born and raised in Manila, so like culturally, I'm Filipino. Um, I would say like first generation Filipino, because I moved here like as a later teen. Right. And um yeah, I'm 24.

SPEAKER_03 1:50

Just kind of think back, look back, and um tell us a bit about that journey to what you just said about who you are today, and like, you know, think about yourself as a kid and and you know, just like this the stages or the phases of how you got to be who you are today.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Well, first things first, I always remember blue having my assigned color. I had like cousins who were the same age as me, and we all had like assigned colors that we all so we would usually get the same gifts in on like during Christmas. Yeah, and we all had the same colors every year. Like I would always get blue or purple. My other cousin, who's like very more feminine, like really into like girly, traditionally girly things, she like had pink. Everything she had was pink.

SPEAKER_03 2:41

Or toys, anything?

SPEAKER_00 2:42

Yeah, yeah, anything.

SPEAKER_03 2:44

And they just like said, All right, you're here, you're blue, you're pink.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

Yeah, and then like my other cousin is red. Um I don't know if that was because I really liked blue or they were like I don't know like which came first, like the chicken or the egg, the blue or interesting the charine, you know.

SPEAKER_03 3:04

Have you ever asked your folks about that?

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Or no, I think I think it was just like I can they call them right now? I'm still fascinating. That'd be cool, but I don't think so. Um yeah, and it's always just been like I think it's also because I really didn't like pink like growing up. You were probably clear about that. Yeah, I was like, this is uh hard now. Um but yeah, ever since I was a child, I was what people would have called like a tomboy, which like um in the Philippines, um tomboy is just like the general term for a lesbian and or a trans man. So everyone was always like, Oh, you're you're tomboyish, like and stuff, because I didn't like dolls, I didn't like doing I didn't like pink, I didn't like dolls. I feel like those were like the main things.

SPEAKER_03 3:59

How were folks or immediate parents, extended family, cousins?

SPEAKER_00 4:04

Like it wasn't discouraged, but it wasn't encouraged either. It was kind of like a oh, that's a weird kid. Right. Interesting. Um, I I at least that's how I felt like it was perceived. Um but I feel like now it's just generally pretty cool about it, you know?

SPEAKER_03 4:28

Right.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Um so when did you come out? Like when when did all that happen? So I came out as pansexual first. Um, and that was when I was 18. And I only really came out to my mom because that was the only one that was like important to me. Um, I feel like my dad already knew that like I was into girls. Um but yeah, it was I was 18 and like I sat my mom down and I told her what that I was pansexual. She had no idea what that meant.

SPEAKER_03 5:05

So what do you say? How did you describe that for her?

SPEAKER_00 5:07

I was like, I am just like into like and like not anybody, but like I'm not really into this, I'm not into somebody because of like what their gender is. Right. I'm just I think that, and at that point, I I've never been in a relationship. I was like, I've only had like guide crushes. So to me, it was just like, oh, anything can happen. I and I don't mind anything.

SPEAKER_03 5:37

Like, so it was kind of theoretical in a way. Yeah, it was very theoretical.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Definitely theoretical.

unknown 5:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

I've only had like, yeah, like like high school guide crushes, and like obviously find every girl attractive that I knew. Right. Um and yeah, I came out as pansexual. And then a few years down the road, I realized I was a lesbian. And that was both quick and sudden, actually.

SPEAKER_03 6:08

And was that theoretical, or was it like you met somebody?

SPEAKER_00 6:11

No, that was also theoretical.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

I love it.

SPEAKER_00 6:15

Yeah. You're a good planner. Yeah. I I producer. Um, it was less theoretical though, because I feel like it was during the time where I kissed a girl for the first time. And I was like, oh. Oh. Like, I knew I was into girls, but this was like the first time I've ever like kissed a girl. And I was like, okay, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. And then after that, like experience, I like dug deep into like Sapphic media. And I watched every lesbian show or movie that was on Netflix at the time. And this was in 2020. So um, like right after the pandemic, you know. Um, and it was it's such a cliche, but it was me watching DL word that made me go, oh yeah. Yep, I'm a lesbian. And yeah, it was like two episodes in, and then I I called my my friends, like my best friend, and I was like, I think I have I need to come out again to everybody because I think I'm a lesbian and I don't know how to deal with that.

SPEAKER_03 7:45

So yeah, if you if you gotta see it, right? Representation. Yeah. Interesting. Because one thing I know we chatted about a while ago was as a child, you talked about how TV shows influenced you want to chat about that a bit, like how they helped you form your more butch identity. I think you're talking about it.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

I feel like unknowingly, TV shows like really formed my identity, like in a sense that my favorite cartoons were more of like the boy cartoons, whatever that meant. Um, and I was really attached to the guy characters, and I thought it was because I had a crush on them at first.

SPEAKER_03 8:28

Ah, interesting.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

And then later on, like looking like back at it now, in hindsight, I'm like, oh, I just wanted to be them. I was identifying with them, yeah. Right, yeah, like right, and like cartoons. So who were some of your faves? Like one that I remember really being like, I want to be him, and I like drew him a lot, was Jake Long from The American Dragon, um, which was this cartoon on Disney XD, um, which was their like more guy-ish like channel. Um and yeah, Jake Long and Danny Phantom was like characters that I'm like cool, I wanna, I wanna I wanna be this guy.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:24

And then high school musical came out, and um I was five when it came out, and I was there from the beginning, from like when it first aired on like Disney Channel, and I really wanted to be Troy Bolin, like with it wasn't a question of am I crushing on him? No, I wanted to be him, right? And um, I wanted to be with Sharpei, the blonde girl, just throughout the movies, and yeah, like me and my cousins would like do the the dances and like sing along, like reenact scenes, and I would always just be like, uh I'm Troy Bolton, you know? And they they had no issues with that. They were like, okay, we didn't we didn't want to be the boy anyway. So you do that, right?

SPEAKER_02 10:17

Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Um, so yeah, I think like unknowingly, TV is had and has been like a huge part of me forming and like exploring my identity without realizing it because like I was like six. And then like the I feel like what still sticks with me now and like is the most major part of my identity was Glee, which is um my favorite show of all time. I love Glee. I like I like to say that I'm the beat, I'm like the biggest Gleek in Vancouver. Um and I I will defend that title. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 10:59

Not gonna challenge.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

So if anybody else wanted to challenge it, I'm just saying I will defend it. Okay. Um, but I I saw Glee like past its prime. So like, because it aired in like 2009 and sure became like a huge phenomenon. And I got into it like a little later in 2012. And it was while at the time my hyperfit station was wrestling, pro wrestling. So and then while I was wa waiting for wrestling to start, Glee was on for some like it was the show right before wrestling for some reason in the Philippines. And so it just happened. It just happened. Like it well, it was intervention, clearly. It was it was divine intervention, I think. Um, it just showed up in like um like on my screen at the right time, at the right age, and I was, I guess, engaged enough with it that it really stuck with me. And this was like in season four, and it was specifically uh Blaine Anderson, like Darren Tress's character, who is a gay man on the show. Right. And um, he's also he's half Filipino. Um, and I didn't know that, like seeing it, but I saw I saw it on screen, and I was just enchanted. Then being a tween a 12-year-old girl, I did what most 12-year-old girls did at the time and looked up fanfiction about it. Right. And I feel like that's what really stuck with me, and uh to this day I still like reference Blaine Anderson as like my gender exploration awakening. Um, I feel like because like I was when I was when I would read fanfics or like whatever, um I like pictured myself in that character's shoes. Right. Um, yeah, and like now I do drag occasionally. I'm a drag king and my entire like persona is just that I'm just that same character and because that character like theoretically helped me explore my masculinity, like before I even figured out what was going on with me. Um now I'm able to like play with it physically, you know. Like I'm actually able to like play with my masculinity through this character, and right it's yeah cool.

SPEAKER_03 13:46

So okay, so you came out as a lesbian, and then like tell us about the last few years, because I know if you're comfortable talking about it, you told me how I don't know if you still are, but you were microdosing tea, yeah, and how that kind of fits into who you are right now, and because you said I'm non-binary lesbian. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Tell us more about that. Yeah, um, so I came out as a lesbian. I was very fun presenting, I had the long hair, I like to wear slightly skirts and everything. Um and then I feel like just as time progressed, I started exploring my more masked side. I um I got like a mullet first, really. And then I was like, oh, okay. Then I got a really masked, like a more a masked leaning mullet, whatever that means. Um, and I like it was a point where I was able to just like rearrange my hair that it seemed like I didn't have like hair in the back. Um, so I just had like short boy hair. Um, and I really liked that.

SPEAKER_03 15:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

And and then I like shaved my head like on impulse. And I feel like that was the time when I realized that okay, I'm not resonating with this femme like perception of me anymore. And it kind of just snowballed into that. I became really good friends with a bunch of um people who were also on tea and were identifying as T boys. Um and I've been I was like talking to them a lot about like what the T exper like what taking testosterone, what that experience was like. And it just got me like curious and thinking. Um at first I was like, no, no, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good where I'm at. And then it was like this like tiny voice that never stopped in my brain. And then I feel like I was taking a shower because that's where all my thoughts come up. And I'm like, okay, if I it like the determining factor of me pursuing like getting a prescription for tea was like, if I don't do it now, will I be thinking about this for like the rest of my life?

SPEAKER_03 16:32

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

Or the answer for that for me was like, yes, I will be curious. I will like have lived many years down the line being like, I should have done this, I should have done that, what if, what what if. Um and then figuring out how to get like how to get that prescription was at first a struggle because I didn't know where to look. And um and then yeah, just talking to other people who also still identified as a lesbian and was also taking tea, I was like, oh okay, okay, so that is possible. Like that is a thing. Because I don't know, I guess like a little a tiny part of me was like scared that once I start taking tea, once I that there was this like um like limit of masculinity, and then I'm not part of the lesbian community anymore. Like that was like a huge fear in me. Um but uh yeah, talking to like actual people in the community, like and like people who have uh like experienced the same things and the same fears, and then cut like coming out of those fears and uh doing what they wanted to do, which is like you know, start taking tea. Um it was uh a relief and like really comforting. And like I guess it is like that like found sense of community of like, okay, I'm not alone and I'm not gonna be like exti mutated from my community because I I wanted to like be more masked or like start tea. Um but that has been like a a really interesting like conversation in my head with myself of like okay, at what point do I go? Oh, I think I'm a trans man. I don't know if I'm ever gonna get to that point, but it is like something that I'm very aware of that I'm like, okay, are we good with our gender right now? Like every now and then I check in, I'm like, are we good with our gender right now? Because yeah, like I like my gender identity journey has also been like all over the place similar to like my sexual identity journey, because I, you know, I thought I was cis at some point in my life. Then I I was like like I'm not super cis, but like I didn't I didn't think I was like non-binary or like whatever, and like I was using Shidei pronouns, like it really was like the spectrum of like little by little, it was just the j the day agenda was winning, you know?

SPEAKER_01 19:24

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:25

Um earlier on it was when somebody identified um referred to me and my girlfriend as the girls. Oh, the girls are coming over.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Um and that felt icky to me. And that's when I started adding they to my pronouns, and and then it just like gradually like they became more comfortable, and it felt just more right to me.

SPEAKER_03 19:59

I mean it's so interesting that and so important, I think, to talk about like all these variations and you know you can be taking tea, but still consider yourself a lesbian. You can have top surgery, and yeah, like I think there's a binary around, you know, you're either a lesbian and you have breasts and you don't you're not I mean you can be a bit you can be butch or mask, but then there's a line that's drawn. Yeah. You know, like for me, I didn't know, oh, you could have top surgery because that's more comfortable, but doesn't necessarily mean that you're transitioning or you want to be a man. And I I can't believe how many people are are surprised to hear these kinds of things, and it's so important because it's a continuum. So kind of being in the whole non-binary space, it's like we're we're exploring what it all means, and there isn't one definition of of you know what lesbian is, what idiot, you know, but even non-binary for that matter. So it's really great to to hear these different like your different perspective and thoughts on all of it. Well um so and so do you feel like you feel like this is uh continuing to evolve? Like you're probably not done.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

Yeah, yeah, I think so. Um I'm like very early on in my like tea journey. I'm like less than a year in. Um and I'm still at like a low dose, a very low dose, and I have no idea where this is going. I might end up deciding to stop at some point.

SPEAKER_02 21:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

And it's just been like a like I I have to tell myself that it's okay to like change my mind about these things.

SPEAKER_03 21:56

I think there's a lot of yeah, societal pressure to be. Decisive to be one thing. Yeah. And stick with it. Yeah. And you know, have one career. Well, that's kind of gone. That's my generation. Sorry. I'm old. Um but there is pressure to be decisive. And yeah, and I think there's something liberating about just saying, like, yeah, actually, I don't know. Or thinking about it, or it might change, or yeah, so like let's check in in a year and see where you're at.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

See what's up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:28

Cool. Okay, so let's let's chat about some kind of everyday realities. Um, do you get misgendered? Like, do you what's it like for you in washrooms? And do you get CERD or MAMD or Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:46

Um all or none or I all of the above. Um the first time I ever got misgendered, surprisingly, um was last year. I uh I went on a trip to the Philippines. Yep. And like I prefer using the women's washroom still. And like I still identify with using the women's washroom. I just feel comfortable there, you know? And I was in the Philippines, and I'm a little taller than average for like women in the Philippines, and I had a buzz at the time. I went to the women's washroom and I fully got stopped.

SPEAKER_03 23:31

Right.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

Um I was like already in there, and and someone was like, Oh, sir, excuse me, sorry, the men's washroom is the other way. And then I turned and like with the most feminine voice I could ever come up at, I'm like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm a girl.

SPEAKER_03 23:52

It seems to be like a classic go-to, is either if you have them, like you put your breasts out, or you go high voice. Yeah, very high voice.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

So yeah. Um, and now that like I started tea, I um it's kind of like a big worry in my head. Like, I'm just very aware of how I can be perceived. So it's this, and I'm I don't even know if like it's anything like real or if it's all just in my head. But when I go to women's washrooms, my hips start swaying like crazy. I'm like, I am walking like a Victoria's Secret model.

SPEAKER_03 24:37

Like I mean, I think the part about how people are gonna respond to you, I don't think it's in your head. Cause you know it's not, but yeah. Do you do you think about like on the daily um those kinds of things, like how people might respond to you depending on how you're dressed or how you like, or if you're because I know you work in film and theater, like, do you ever have to think about what am I wearing or what am I gonna look like? And how are people gonna respond and how am I gonna deal with that?

SPEAKER_00 25:08

Like I it was like super early on into tea, and I was I felt like I could still really pass as like a ciswoman that might just be a little, you know, like have boyish style. Right. Um when I would do my auditions, I would dress so much more femme than I used to um before I was like when I was more femme, I was more comfortable auditioning in like guy clothes and like more masked presenting um outfits because I'm like, oh, I still read as a woman, even if I'm like wearing like guy clothes. Right. And then yeah, when I s cut my hair, I started going to the gym a lot, um, my face started changing a little more. I felt the need to feminize the way I dressed on like four auditions, right? Just to prove that I can still play a woman. Um, and that was just like all me. That was just like all in my head, like my own insecurities, my like feeling that I'm not good enough because I'm not woman enough.

SPEAKER_03 26:31

Um so are you starting to not you're starting to be more this you and not do the kind of femme up?

SPEAKER_00 26:39

I think it was because I did a film and I I came in with that same mentality of I'm not gonna get this disturbing for like maybe somebody a little tomboy-ish, but still femme, you know, or like still um perceived as a woman. And then I ended up getting that part. And it just something clicked in me that I'm like, oh, and this is what every acting teacher and every actress says, and every director says this is like just come bring what you can bring. Right. And then like if you fit, you fit. If you don't, you don't.

SPEAKER_03 27:19

It's great.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

Yeah. So it's been like a a quite the journey for in those couple months.

SPEAKER_03 27:26

Wow, that's so great. I mean, I hope that that as you kind of get more comfortable in this place that it, you know, you find those parts that are that are you, you know? And that and the world is changing when it's not, when it's not going backwards at a million miles an hour. Um what's your uh least favorite? I know you said girls. Are there other things that that kind of bother you, like the ease or um there are any other terms, things that just like oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 28:05

Now that I'm like a lot more masked and like now I get he hemmed a lot. Like without me saying my pronouns or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 28:22

And how's that?

SPEAKER_00 28:24

It's it's okay. I'm not like I'm not like ooh, yeah, but um it's like oh, okay, yeah. They them pronouns are like my pronouns. Right. It just like secured my like like my preference for like using they them. Um part of me gets like a little defensive sometimes. I'm like, no, no, no, I'm a girl. Right. Which is like insane to me, because I'm like, not a girl. Right, right. But like there's um, yeah, there's a little bit of resistance still of like being perceived as like a guy. Right now that it's actually happening to me, which I've found interesting because I'm like, oh, I thought this is what I wanted. And then, you know, like dressing more masked and like taking tea, I'm like, oh yeah, I do want to be perceived a certain way, but it's not necessarily man. Right. Yeah. Um so I've been getting he hemmed a lot lately. And because of like I'm aware that like I'm perceived just as a guy now, um, I'm more comfortable being like she heard. Right. I'm more comfortable like like being called a girl and or like lays or whatever isn't as it he to me. Right.

SPEAKER_03 30:01

Well, it's just again, not to say it again, but you know, the binary, uh it's like we have to like I would love to find a way of expressing kind of what this language is, right? It's not like he or she, it's something in the middle, but people just don't, they only know how to do he or she. Or okay, they can do a little they them. Yeah. But it's it's like we are, we live somewhere in between that, and and so we're by that sort of societal pressure, we're forced to kind of be like, okay, do I like he, him, do I like she, her? Whereas you're actually just like hi. Yeah. Your name is Shereen. Nice to meet you. Absolutely. How's it going? I'm just here. I am who I am. Yeah. If that makes sense, it's it's sort of being like it's that pressure on you to start figuring it out or making the decision when you're really just in between. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

I I feel like earlier on, like when I was figuring out like what pronouns I'm comfortable with, like if I was ready to like deal with this in like a societal way and like socially transition. Um I remember telling or like explaining to um one of my friends um who isn't really in the queer community, right? Um, about like what being non-binary meant.

SPEAKER_03 31:33

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

And to me, it was like think of it as God. It's like he's both here and also not here. Oh, it's and that's how like I felt about my gender at the time, at least. I was like, I am both the entire spectrum and I am not anywhere in the spectrum, you know? Right. Um, and that's how I viewed non-binariness.

SPEAKER_03 32:02

Yeah, you know, it's funny, like I if I get I almost am disappointed if I don't get a sir or I get too many mams or she's but I don't want to be. It's like I don't want to be a man, like that's not where I'm going. Yeah. But I don't want to be ladies, a lady. Yeah. Alright, let's do some fun, some quick and snappy questions. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Okay, what's the first thing you do in the morning?

SPEAKER_00 32:34

Um wake up. I look at my phone. I it's it's so bad. I true confessions. True confessions. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 32:45

What's your uh go-to comfort food? Ooh, fried chicken.

SPEAKER_00 32:51

Hmm. Fried chicken.

SPEAKER_03 32:52

Like a specific anything. Oh, yeah. All the way. Okay. Uh cat or dog?

SPEAKER_00 33:01

Cat. I used to think it was dog, but now interacting with the case. You're coming out as cat. I'm coming out as cat. It's all right. I know. It's all right. Bunny? Yeah, it's true. Rabbit, actually. I know. I'm not gonna tell you rabbits you said that. Yeah, no, they don't like me anyway, so they're like teenagers. They're like, I hate you. And I'm like, okay, whoa, calm down, calm down.

SPEAKER_03 33:27

Here's some carrots. Um okay, how about a some queer a queer icon that you'd love to hang out with?

SPEAKER_00 33:36

Mae Martin. Mmm. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Feel good was one of the shows that I was like watching like when I first, like after I first kissed a girl, I was like, okay, I need to like watch something.

SPEAKER_03 33:53

It's such a great show.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

It's a great show. I love that show so much.

SPEAKER_03 33:57

Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's great. Okay. Um, are you kind of person who would like gravitate to a noisy busy pride parade or go to a quiet beach?

SPEAKER_00 34:08

Ooh. A noisy busy pride parade. Right. I think.

SPEAKER_03 34:13

Okay. And then city or forest?

SPEAKER_00 34:17

City.

SPEAKER_03 34:18

Alright.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:20

And what kind of music or song or genre gets you like up and dancing?

SPEAKER_00 34:26

Um Muna. Who is a clear band. Yeah. Is like my go-to. They're so great. Like, always on the Pride playlist, you know? Always like, yeah, they're like my favorite band of all time. But recently, I recently got super into Mariah Carey. And classic. I've never listened, like, I've listened to like a couple songs here and there, but I never got it. Then all of a sudden, a few weeks ago, I got it.

SPEAKER_03 35:00

Yeah, you need to have that. It's part of our Muna and Mariah Carey. There you go. Nice. Um, and then what's like for you dressing, it might be right now, but like what's the best outfit for you that just makes you feel you confident, rounded? Um I mean, you look pretty sweet right now, but thank you.

SPEAKER_00 35:23

Thank you. Um a white tank top, or like a tank top of any sh any sort, and like baggy pants, I think.

SPEAKER_03 35:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:34

It's basic, but tried and true.

SPEAKER_03 35:37

Yeah. It's good. Nice. Um, how about favorite thing or place to go or eat in Vancouver here?

SPEAKER_00 35:48

I like to save. So what I end up doing instead of like going out is I grab I'd grab a tall can from the nearest litter store and then I'd go on a walk at Fall Street, because I live near there, like um near Johnston Park.

SPEAKER_02 36:06

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 36:07

That's my go-to, man. Especially in the summer.

SPEAKER_03 36:11

Like along the seawall?

SPEAKER_00 36:12

Yeah, along the seawall.

SPEAKER_03 36:14

I love that walk. Yeah. It's a good wall. It's a good wall. If you were to think about um representation, what what matters about like why does it matter to you and what does it mean to you?

SPEAKER_00 36:33

I grew up being super into TV. And like like we previously talked about, I like TV was like a huge performative experience for me, whether I knew it or not. Who I viewed as like representation for me was Darren Chris. And growing up, there was always like that thought of oh, I can, because he can. And that's the reason why I do what I do now, why I pursued becoming an actor, why I'm in theater, why I'm in film, um, is because he can do it, I can do it. Okay, cool. I'm an actor now because there is some kid like in the Philippines who's maybe a little Jay, maybe not, um, but is feeling like they don't fit in enough. And I want to be like that bit of hope that goes, oh wait, this is possible. Because growing up, I didn't think being an actor was like remotely possible. Like I didn't think that I was like pretty enough or like like in the Philippines, like light skin enough, you know. Like that's like a major saying. Right.

SPEAKER_03 37:52

Because I know you um when I asked you about coming to be on this podcast too, bit of what you just said was that you wanted it was really important for you to have to be visible for others, others like you or younger, or so important for for folks to see someone and say, like, ah man, I could do that.

SPEAKER_00 38:15

Like that's possible. Yeah. I mean, like, not to like toot your horn, but watching the film, and like there was this scene where you guys were um at a dinner party, and I remember watching that and just being so in awe of it, because that always felt like like a dream to me, like something that was theoretical, it like something that was something a little further than reach, you know? Right. And when your doc premiered, it was it was within reach all of a sudden.

SPEAKER_03 39:02

And like and I remember that's where we first met, was at the premier, just kind of randomly. And uh I always remember that because you you were with a friend, and you came up and said, like, wow, I just never knew this was possible. Like I never knew I had a future, yeah, where I had family and friends and kids, and and and I can see it now.

SPEAKER_00 39:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:31

Um, for those out there watching, we're talking about the documentary, not quite that. It's a documentary that I was a subject of, and it's about identity and all kinds of things. It's been such a great conversation. Thank you so much. Thank you for sharing your story. Yes. Thanks for listening to Mr. Gender, the show where we swap labels for lived experience and get curious about life beyond the binary. On Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok, Mr. Gender Pod, Webmistergender.com, email hello at mrgender.com. That's M-I-S-T-E-R. The doc not quite that is at notquitethat.ca. Free to watch at Telest Originals, Optic TV, and Knowledge Network.