He-Man and the Perfect Mug of Tea

Milk first or milk last? It sounds like a harmless question until you ask it in a British staffroom. We tumble from casual brew chat into a proper national obsession: tea-making etiquette, why coffee somehow escapes the same scrutiny, and how a single mug can generate stronger opinions than most staff meetings.

Along the way, we pit science against George Orwell in the great milk debate, discover the surprisingly specific "correct" colour of tea, and somehow find ourselves using He-Man as an entirely reasonable reference point.

 Eventually, we arrive at this week's list.

This week's victim is a list of end-of-term classroom activities that promises to keep secondary students engaged during the final week of school. Instead, it raises far more questions than it answers. Who is supplying thirty board games? How exactly do you "host Taskmaster" without the room descending into chaos? And why do so many online teaching ideas seem to have been invented by people who've never actually met a class on the last Friday in July?

We also tackle the annual debate over end-of-term films, the frustration of only ever watching the first forty minutes, and why we'd often rather teach a normal lesson than pretend half a Disney film counts as learning.

If you've got stronger opinions on tea than teaching—or better ideas for surviving the last week of term—we'd love to hear them.

Leave us a review, share the episode with a colleague, and if you've got a better last-week-of-term activity—or a definitive answer to the milk debate—we'd love to hear from you.

Email: bandjcdb@gmail.com
Website: benandjamescoulddobetter.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:19

So bad.

The Milk In Tea Argument

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Hello. What comes first when you make a cup of tea? Do you do you put the milk in first or does that go in last? For me, it's last all the way up until a recent staff meeting where a colleague said to me, no, that's not how you do it. They were quite passionate. I I couldn't give them monkeys to be honest. No. Well, I mean they this is the thing. We we often uh we often meet after school for a a biscuit or two and uh and hot beverage, yeah. And uh we'll nearly always have coffee. Yes. And I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way with with coffee. No one seems to care with coffee. No. Does the milk go in first or or I mean it goes in last in the coffee? It just does. That's the natural order of things. But if someone put the milk in first, well I suppose with a macchiato or something or a latte, it actually does go in first. But it doesn't matter to me, it doesn't make me lose sleep. But the tea debate did seem to spark a fair bit of well, it just seemed there was a lot of passion. Yes, there was. I I found it disturbing in many respects because I I genuinely couldn't care less. I I'm not a big tea drinker. I in fact, the only place I have we've heard the story about the nopac lunch in whatever it is, 25 years tea. I have never really liked tea, but the only place I find myself drinking it is in meetings at school. At which point I seem to just go along with it. I don't I don't know why. I feel like I'm almost being bullied in. Well I'm that I'm with you on that. The only time I really drink tea is in an after-school meeting, an inset meeting or a you know, where tea's available. I won't turn one down. No, I don't mind it. I actually quite like a cup of tea, but if given the choice, I'm not vexed about when the milk goes in. No. Given the choice I'd go coffee, except during an after-school inset when the coffee is so awful. Nest Cafe sweeping. It's just uh it's undrinkable. Yeah. Whereas tea is generally fairly reliable. Nothing to get excited about, I'd say, but but uh but drinkable. It's a British institution tea drinking. Yeah, but surely you need to see how strong the tea is and that it's steeped before you put the milk in. Don't you? You put the milk in with the teabag. Is that what they're suggesting? The milk goes in with the teabag. Well that again, that was suggested in in this meeting that you we went to, and there was- I know it was, but I'd kind of for deliberately forgotten it. Well, no, there was outrage then too. There was out you can't put milk in with the teabag. But then somebody said you can. You see, this was the thing. It was passionate. There were people coming out from all sides. Well, as I said, this colleague who is next to me happened to come from a particular science discipline where he he was then saying to me about something to do with concentration, you know, and and and how the milk would be lighter than the I don't know what he was talking about. No, no. Well, this is where You know what I'm saying. There's something about the the density of the milk versus the density of the hot water. Yes, now there is science believe they have an answer on this, you see. But it's very much science versus the arts. Well, I'm arts. I know you are. I I very much wanted to I I've got there's my tea. That's the strength of that tea. Teabag comes out. I will now add milk to taste, but not just to taste, to look. Somebody once told me I want my tea to look like He-Man. You know what I mean? Well, I don't, I may need a further explanation. Well, the the the the flesh of He-Man. That colour. That colour. The colour of He-Man. Okay. I've never heard that as a description. Donald Trump, if you like. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Do you want the tea Donald Trump? It I had never thought of He-Man, the 1980s filmation version of He-Man, as having tea coloured skin. Yeah, but he but he does. I mean But now you say it yeah, he absolutely does. Yeah, that's uh that's exactly the colour of He-Man's skin. It's tea. It's a colour of tea. So uh So that's but you can control that with the addition. I mean, our art department will be able to help us with this. But you can you can control the level of brown, if you want to call it brown or bearish or whatever it is, by controlling the amount of milk that goes in. Sure surely that's obvious. Well, no, because the the the the dividing line here is science versus George Orwell. Right. And I know this because that meet obviously you'd like to forget that meeting where everyone got very, very excited about how to make a cup of tea. And were it the first time I'd witnessed this behaviour over how one should have a cup of tea, but it's not, sadly. Now I'm very much a coffee drinker, as I've as I've already said. I think you you have said that. And that's independent of any cultural influences. I've just always preferred coffee. But I'm also a fan of the Bond novels and the movies, to be honest with you. But the I read the novels, the Ian Fleming novels, and but with James Bond, a British institution. Perhaps not one we should be that proud of, but nonetheless, a a British institution who uh is known for his, you know, I mean I mean he's known for lots of negative things, but one of the things he's known for, I suppose, that may be vaguely positive is he's sort of you know got fairly good taste is is a resolute. Can you tell me about his tea drink? No, because he's a resolute coffee drinker and refuses to drink tea. The the novel version of James Bond. I'm not sure that the uh movie version he just drinks alcohol, doesn't he? Yes, yeah, yeah. Copious amounts of alcohol. Doesn't mean much reference to tea or coffee. No, but but the the book the book version of James Bond. Look at me, I've read books. But not Ghosty Costa, not yet. No, no. Uh sorry, listeners, not yet. But I went through a phase of reading um not only the original Ian Fleming novels, of which there are, well, I want to say 14, but some of them are collect collections of short stories, so there's this probably not actually 14 novels, but I read all of the Ian Fleming Bond, and then I went on and read all of the other Bond novelisations. Bar a couple of which are not. Well, I didn't read them, I listened to them in this audiobooks, so there's a couple that aren't available. There's more Bond novels not written by Ian Fleming than there are written by it's this is not necessarily because none of them were made into movies, but the ones that weren't written. In fact Is this to do with him just like in coffee? Yeah, well, no, it's not really. I've just I've just gone into James Bond now. Uh and how I went through a bit of an obsessive phase of listening to to um audiobooks of of the James Bond novels because it's quite well, but uh yeah, I I I don't there's not really enough time to go into that in any big way, other than James Bond doesn't drink tea. But but a lot of people do, and I don't really, but I do, I don't mind it, but I would rather drink coffee. I've I went away from that staff meeting and I I I looked it up on the right. Okay, well, I I am I don't know how you've managed to do this, but I was totally disinterested. I'm sure it didn't come across. But now I'm more interested. Well, you you know, you may be disinterested. No, I wasn't disinterested in what you said or what you raised, I was disinterested in the discussion that took place and the vibrancy of that discussion. That's my point. You may be disinterested, but it is a national obsession. That's what it says on the piece of paper in front of me. But is if it's a national obsession, who's got the right to declare that as a national obsession? Well, let me tell you, shall I? Yes, please. The British Broadcasting Corporation, otherwise known as the BBC. Mainstream media. Yeah, there are people who would question the veracity of what comes out of the city. I'm not I'm not questioning that. But this made it onto the BBC website. I mean, it's been on probably been on TV programs and stuff as well. I imagine it has, it is a national obsession. One of the subheadings of the article that I found on BBC Teach, by the way. So this is this is actually aimed at teachers, is it's a storm in a teacup. So you know. Well, I think we could have predicted that was coming, couldn't we? That's uh that's the calibre of journalism we're looking at, right? Mm-hmm. And it says Britain is a nation of tea lovers. This isn't the list, by the way. So no, no, no. I mean, this this is quite unusual that we've ended up having a random conversation and you're now backing it up with actual facts, yeah. I've I've came back. Well, I hope it's been BBC verified. Well, one hopes the BBC have verified their own. Well, they've got their own department, haven't they? 60 people employed. Anyway, basically it's it's it's you can go on the BBC website to look at this. I'm not gonna read it to you. I was about to. Uh I was about to. But basically it does say that it's literally uh there's there's a split between what the scientists say and what what George Orwell says. Well, c can you give me a hint at what both of them say? So the scientists say And when you say this, have all the scientists got together? All the scientists in Britain. Yeah. They've all sat in a room or all jumped on Zoom and they've all said the same thing in unison. Is that what you're telling me? I think so, according to this, yeah. Right. So what have all the scientists of Great Britain said? So I think similar to what the scientist that you spoke to said. Right, it's something to do with convection as a science teacher, of course. Great man, by the way. Yeah. It's that when the milk is poured into hot tea, the high temperature could affect its taste. So their their proteins degrade as they're heated above 75 degrees centigrade, which is you know, whereas if you pour them the milk the milk, if you pour the tea on top of the milk, that doesn't happen. Right. Well, it does sometimes I don't want to say separate, I don't know the right word, but it does sometimes not look that great when it goes in afterwards. George Orwell, on the other hand, says you put the milk in last because if you put it in first you might put too much in. Well, that's what I was saying. But that that's the stronger argument. I'm telling you what, I mean, forget the science. Well, don't forget it, but put it to the back of your mind. I'm with George Orwell on this. I'm with George Orwell. I'm with George Orwell on a lot of things, I don't mind telling you. Uh got the year wrong though, didn't he? It wasn't 1984 that it all happened. No. Uh one could argue though a lot of that stuff is uh happening-ish now. Yes. Uh which is why we find ourselves making a podcast just to take our minds off the realities of the world uh around us. But this is just one some might say a large waste of time. I I say a large distraction. A distraction from I mean, a as possibly are the arguments around tea making. But what neither argument takes into account is that George Orwell's argument certainly was around tea leaves in a teapot, strained, and they don't take into account the tea bag, which is actually how most people make tea. I mean, you don't look like a loose leaf kind of guy. Well, I mean, maybe that would sell me on the drink of tea. And James Bond wouldn't touch it. Wouldn't touch it. Bag or loose leaf. Yeah. But as I say, one shouldn't base one's life choices on trying to mirror the behaviour of James Bond. No. And not a role model, really. I I am an unusual man, as I'm sure you'll point out. But um I I don't understand the obsession with tea. I don't understand the obsession with science fiction. I don't understand the British obsession as well with James Bond. In fact, it's a long list of things that I I will not bore myself, let alone anybody else with, of things that I do not understand. Another thing I shall tell you is I never watched cartoons as a child. Didn't like any of them, as I told you a few episodes ago. So I don't feel like I'm part of this British obsession with anything. And yet I'm not saying I don't want to be British or I don't think I am British. British obsession with football. And I haven't sat around either thinking, oh, I wonder how I could be different and very irritating. It's just how it just comes naturally to you. Well, I'll tell you another thing you don't understand, Ben. Something we'll get on to. You don't understand why I insist on postcards in this show. I do not understand. And yet I still do. I insist on that and I insist on something resembling a format. So let's get on with the show, shall we?

Welcome, Postcards, And Podcast Format

SPEAKER_00 11:28

Yes. That was a natural segue there. Well well played, us. Look, it's almost as if we planned it, but we didn't. But welcome to Ben and James Could Do Better. Absolutely. Here we both are. Proving that we could. Okay, well it's time to muster the class again. It must be period four. Okay. Well, I'm here. And my name is Ben. Is a James here? A James Burk? We mon la. Mongolian? Uh that is Seychelles French Creole. It's okay. I I I I'm still I mean, I know we have um a very multicultural sort of uh classroom these days, but I I'm not sure there would be quite this number of languages. But and I've never heard of where did you say it, Kane? So it's Seychelles. Well, I've heard the Seychelles, yeah. French Creole. French Creole. Sounds like a dish. Well, potentially, and quite delicious. But uh it's a language you can find on Google. All of these are found from Google Translators. I wasn't I wasn't aware you were going for realism, sorry, and that's my mistake. Is that a postcard I can spot over there? Uh yes, yes, it is. And this one is I'll try not to be obnoxious uh well in response to it. You might I mean I wouldn't object to this. This is a picture of some bottle tops off of various drinks, some of which are soft drinks, some of which are well, one of them very clearly says beer. It's got a skull and crossbones on the beer to suggest perhaps beer is bad. I don't know. The others all look like brand named drinks, but then they haven't used the brand names, they've just sort of used the imagery. I'd say the brand names I think they are, and then you can perhaps tell me if you agree. I think they've gone with Coca-Cola Pepsi, Sprite. Two different Pepsi lids, actually, but they've not used those words. They've used just sort of generic descriptors like thirsty, pop, fresh, so you spin it round so I can Well Feel tech take it, you know, have a Yeah, fresh is definitely the Pepsi logo, isn't it? Yeah. I I don't want to go there with the beer, it looks like it's in the Third Reich. Well it does, but the uh but you say fresh is the Pepsi logo, that's like the old Pepsi logo, and then I'd say pop is a sort of more updated version of the Pepsi logo. Yeah, and thirsty is is very coke, isn't it? Yeah. Look, actually, as a piece of art, I quite like that, but it's absolutely pointless. Well, you can keep that if you want as a piece of art. As it's as it's one of the least objectionable ones we've had, it's just silly, but it it looks okay. I'll I'll keep that, yeah. Yeah, I'll start with it. Obviously, after you've taken a snap of it for the preferred on the uh on the blog. But can I thank you? Can I look at me? Yeah. Can I thank you? No one would see me looking at you though. Well I can see you looking at me. You can. I know you you crave for this to be a visual medium. I do, and it will be. It will become a we just have to will it, and it will become a visual medium. When I think you've nailed it on a list or on a postcard, and you've done so today, I want you and the listeners to know that I think that. And on behalf of those listeners, I thank you. Well, thank you, because I've always sought your approval. Of course, I know, I know. You won't do anything, will you? Unless unless I've approved it. I've oft regarded you as a mentor figure. But uh anyway, I have uh a list, uh you know, because uh I am a creature of habit and I can't help but come to these sessions. Are you a creature of habit? No, far from it. But I don't I don't think you are. I think that's a fundamental misrepresentation of yourself. It is too. But for the purposes of this podcast, I am a creature of habit because I brought another list with me. I wouldn't like you if you were a creature of habit. You know I bulk at the any idea of a stripture or a framework or a format. Yeah, any form of format. I mean I don't like any format in my life either. You'd quite like this to be a podcast that wasn't really a podcast. Yes. In some respects. Yes, I would. I would. If it was just if you could just ramble away at talking about Well, I think that's a little discourteous, ramble away. But No, no, you you but you you you you don't like to be uh trapped to a format, so you're not gonna like having to stick to a list. And I'm open to changing the form. As soon as people start writing in to the no, Justin Goldstein writes in quite often. Has he written in again? No, we've not had another one from Justin, but I think it's it's because he's fixated on episode nine. But when Justin writes in again, offering the services of uh Mark Angel. Mark Angel of Amira, obviously we'll uh I would imagine the reason Mark Angel hasn't been in touch is he's probably reading Ghosty Costas by Tom Hanks. Yeah, we've we've got we've I've noticed uh we oft say that you don't need to have listened to the other episodes to understand what we're going on about, but we've now increasingly got some bits that repeat some cross-fertilisation. If if you if you've not listened to previous episodes, you might not get the Mark Angel Justin Goldstein references, and you certainly won't get the Tom Hanks Ghosty Costas reference. No.

Last Week Of Term Fatigue

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Anyway, it's nearly the summer holidays. Yeah they start next week, the summer holidays. I'm looking forward to it, but actually what I shall end up doing is sitting in a bed set compli contemplating my navel, and no doubt thinking of all sorts of inappropriate off-colour stuff to blindside you with at the next podcast recording. I'll probably think about doing some DIY uh You'll think about it, you won't do it though. I probably won't get around to doing any of it, no. Anyway, is that a list I spot in front of you? Yes, no, because as I say, it's the end of term, it's the last week of term. The episode the week this episode goes out, it's the last week of term. Summer holidays next week. But we've still got a few days. Wonderful time for teachers. They can really get to the bottom, can't they, of whether to put the milk in first or last. Well, I mean there's there's time to think about it, yeah, and they can they can flasks of tea could be go on BBC Teach and work out whether they agree with the scientists, all of the scientists in the world, or whether they Because they all said it at the same time. All of them, or whether they agree with George Orwell. Because they're always agreeing, the scientists aren't they? Oh yeah, no, universally it's ubiquitous. If you look in the show notes, you'll see an email address, you'll see a link to a blog. And could you give us the name sorry, the name? We know what the name is, don't we? Uh could you give us that web address again? So that is Ben and JamesCoddobetter.com. Anyway, it's the last week of term. But we've got a week of teaching to get through. Those of us that work in schools. We've still got to do another week of work, which, you know, people don't understand. If they don't work in teaching, they don't understand how painful that is to have to do another week of work before you're five and a half weeks off. I would imagine people in what we call non-teaching jobs, because as you know, teachers divide the world. Teachers and non-teachers, the teachers and non-teachers. So non-teachers would include everything from Elon Musk to a bus drive. The non-teach uh don't realise burden. The burden, exactly that, you know, the last week. Not just of the year, which kind of tops it all, but I mean back in the day, every end of every half term would have been a week of people watching videos and films. Right, and it wasn't just the last week of term. You've got to think about this. Back to the start of that teaching career in the 90s, you'd wind down to Christmas, you'd wind down to Easter, you'd wind down to the summer, and then you'd also wind down to each half term. Yes. Effectively giving you many more weeks holiday whilst being paid. Anyway, we are so we've got to get through that week. Yeah. This week, as teachers, and we've got to find a way of keeping those kids occupied. Can't use the video. Can't you well? So we need some end-of-term activities. Ah. And I can't think of any, can you? No, no, no. There there is there is a colleague who sometimes does a quiz that gets sent round. Yes, yes. But that's only ever gonna help you out for an hour. Right, so we need a few more ideas. Yeah. So I've been on

Hunting For Secondary End-Of-Term Ideas

SPEAKER_00 19:09

the internet. Oh, not again. And I found a list, and it's a but it's a list of end-of-term activities, and people will be listening to this. Oh, actually, yeah. If they listen to this on time. I I'm not pessimistic or sarcastic about everything. This sounds like it could be useful. Yeah, so if oh only useful if you've downloaded this episode on the right day. But I do have to tell you, you've pricked my interest on a number of occasions on these podcasts. I need to dash them quite quickly. But other times uh uh you've equally been certain that what you're about to hear is going to be uh Yeah, and I'm I I can see the look on your face because I've asked you to look at me. And I it looks like this is an encouraging list. I don't know, I don't know, I haven't read it. I've just found a list of activities. I want you to share this with me as we go through it just to see if there's anything useful. Well, it's it's good to think we're not hand in hand, but we're we're sort of metaphorically arm in arm about uh trotting through this list. Now the danger sometimes with with with getting lists like this is that there's also there's a primary school focus on some of these activities. Yeah, I don't want that so much. I mean, nothing against our primary college. No, but this one is called End of Term Activities, Best Resources and Ideas for Secondary School. Oh, well this is this is absolutely right on the money, isn't it, for us? I think so. Okay, so it's really good that so many of these lists are produced. With I mean, I I'm i I'm struck, you know, uh what are we, episode 15? 17. Seven oh gosh.

unknown 20:34

How did I forget the list?

SPEAKER_00 20:35

Oh no, sorry, uh 16 this one is gracious me. Well you can't count either. Right, anyway, so it says exams, these aren't part of the list. This is just uh this is the preamble. Right. Exams aren't part of the list. It's not a suggested end-of-term activity, an exam. Uh it says uh so it says exams, exams, marking reports, oh, plus everything else you usually do the rest of the year. You've probably got plenty of stuff on your plate without planning complicated end-of-term activity. I think they're they're bang on with their with their um approach here. So actually, that is always the that's the that's the straw that breaks the camel's back in the end. Who's produced the list? It's a website called Teachwire. Right, okay. Well, I've heard of that. Yeah, yeah. So this is going to be quite well sort of researched, I would have thought. Yeah, so we said we thought we'd help you out by rounding up a selection of activities and resources you can try out in your classrooms. In that last week of terms. In the last week of terms, supplement to uh yeah, um, great. Yeah, basically these are so uh there's a list of things we can try as secondary teachers because we're we're tired of with all the marking and the planning and the exams, the marking the reports of the exams, that's tired us out. And there's and we're a tired professional, you know. And and now we've got to end the term, we just can't we just can't handle it really. No. Those that last week of term of those activities without we need some help with this. But you I've got a feeling this helped, and we've now said it five times, but I I I don't think it It'll survive a seventh, but it might survive a sixth. I think this is going to be helpful. Right. Well, shall we go through them then?

Roasting The Classroom Activities List

SPEAKER_00 22:06

Yes. Okay. So um the first one on the list, they've sort of not numbered them, so we just I'll just go. Just as well, because the last list we had, they had numbered them. They got the list, the numbers wrong. So there's no numbers here, so we're just going to go in in the ordinary. Two fours, weren't there? There were no fours. That was the number. That's right. That's right. Which ultimately meant there were two fours. No, it meant there were no fours. There was no fours, but then there was a thirteen where there should have been a there was a three and then a five. It was yeah, three went to five, and then we ended up with thirteen four. So there was a four, we just didn't have a number. Four was five, five was six, and so on and so forth. Seven was eight. We we did this last time, we I know, but twelve was thirteen. Baker's dozen. But there wasn't because there was only twelve points. That was the problem. Baker's doesn't. So the first one that appears on the list, uh say not numbered, but uh the first one that appears, so presumably this is their top one. Play English games. What do they mean by that? Well, it says games like Bingo, Shades, Yes No, Dominoes, guess who. Right. Okay. Let me just pick one of those. Anyone you like. Guess who? Right? Yeah. You've got a class of 30 students, you've got one guess who board board game. What are we all gonna do? Fifteen aside? It's ridiculous. It's absolutely stupid. Bingo maybe. But I I'm I'm telling you, if this is the Monday of the of the of the week that we finished, no doubt at something like 1135 on the Friday. Yeah. Guess who is not gonna work? Bingo might work. I'm not starting the Monday of that week with bingo. There's no way we're gonna keep order. So what effectively you're saying is you don't think playing English games. No. And and very specifically they've described them as English games. English games. What about if this is in Wales? Uh it's well, I mean they're just gonna have to get on board, aren't they? But there are other things on the list. Right. So shall we move on? Yeah, because I'm you've not found that useful. I've not found it useful. Uh where are we gonna get guess who from anyway? What was the other one? Charades. Could do charades, yeah. Yeah, I mean they've actually got a picture as well, and that picture is of snakes and ladders. It's not mentioned, but snakes and ladders are. Well, again, I mean you we're not gonna have 15 boards and games. So you're saying in a secondary school, board games is not the way to go to entertain a class of 30 at the end of the day. Not unless you've got enough board games. About 15 board games to get them. Right. So, okay, so okay. I accept your feedback. It's not about you accepting feedback. No, no, but I I'm on behalf of the list. Yeah, I don't need to feel responsible for them. So I I've got although you have selected it. I did select it. So let's go on to the next item on the list. I think hopefully you'll find this one a touch more useful. Host Taskmaster. Host Taskmaster. Yeah. How do they think this is going to work? How do they think that's going to be resourced? I mean, it's it's an ambition you might have as uh as a part of the show. I could just as easily have said to you, host it's a knockout. But well, Greg Davis did used to be a teacher, of course. Yes. So perhaps they're just saying have some ambition. The last day of term, give up teaching, go and host a power. Well, it's not a PowerShow, is it? But it's a host. Let's see what they've said. They've misunderstood this, haven't I? Uh I I I mean set pupils a variety of tasks, yeah. Either individually or in groups, and choose a member of staff in your classroom of one, so you choose you to be the taskmaster slash judge. Examples of things you could do, and these are the sorts of things you do see on Taskmaster the show. Make the best paper aeroplane. No, that is not ever been on Taskmaster, has it? Okay. Make the best paper airplane. Throw a teabag into a mug? I They tend to be a little bit bigger scale than this, don't they, in the Taskmaster? So throw a teabag into a mug. Well, that seems pertinent. Yeah, it seems on uh whatever you do, don't throw the milk in. Paint a picture of your face only using your feet. Yeah, I can see that's gonna go down really well. Kids in uniform. So you're not into hosting Taskmaster then? No, no. Okay, all right. Well, I am, if the offer's there from the television company, but not in the classroom. Right, okay. So, on to the next one on the list then. Okay. A dream holiday assembly. What even does that mean? So it suggests going on to something called TrueTube, not YouTube. True tube. This these so it's a list of activities students can think about for their summer holiday. Number five on that list. I haven't got the full list, otherwise I'd have shared it with you. You know I like a list, but I've not got the full list, I've just got number five on that list, which is uh get to know your family. So one of the suggested activities for the children to do on their holidays. To do on their holidays is to do their family. Yeah, to know their family. Now, I would suggest that the people I know best in the world are my own family. Yeah, and it I mean, if you were having to go on holiday to get to know them, yeah, it would be a bit of a worry, wouldn't it? So uh so who are you again, darling? Well, yeah. I'm your daughter, Daddy. Um uncanny, the impression you have. Yeah, absolutely. So I'm a dramatist, mate. It's uh well okay, next one on the list. Shall we move on? Yes, please. I mean that that was doleful as well, wasn't it? Well, the next one, I mean to be honest And that was the best of the lot. Well, this is the best of the lot. Host a quiz. Host a quiz. Groundbreaking. I mean, it never fails to not amuse me, but amuse me for all the wrong reasons. Yeah. Well, that is host a quiz. It's not the worst thing I've ever heard in my life, but the fact that it has to be on a list as a suggestion of things you can do as an end-of-term activity, as if they are giving you that as a piece of oh gosh, yes, I'd never thought of that sort of information. Mind bending. Well, this one's a little easier. Uh I I I sense it's gonna be much more useful. Yeah, uh, so this one is uh make an end-of-term video. Make an end-of-term video. Well, this doesn't really work in an era of s of phone ban. How are we gonna do that? Suggesting we don't have the equipment available, right? Okay. We don't. I don't think most schools these days are investing lots of money in video cameras, no. And most schools have now banned phones because it's now government policy quite right too, to not really have them in school. So I think that sort of rules that one out. Right, okay. Well we'll we'll try the next one then, shall we? Uh yeah. Themed end-of-term activities. Right. Self-explanatory, really, I've thought. Yeah. Themed. So I might say, right, guys, because all cool teachers use the phrase guys, don't they? All right, say, right, guys, it's Arabian Knights. Guys, it's it's it's Arabian Knights. That's the theme I've just given them. And how would that uh sorry, I mean I'm but well this is this is it. So they're there in their school uniform. Yeah. We've got no resources for this, but I tell them the theme is Arabian Knights. What are we gonna do with that? Probably some word searches. Or I come in with another theme. I come in and I go desolation. Again. What do we what do we do around the theme? Word search. Even if I go really upbeat and I say, right, oh, our theme is being happy. What will we do then? Word word search it. Well, I suppose we could do it, or we could host a quiz on it. Or records, yeah, that'll be fun, yeah. Or we could make a video, couldn't we? Yeah, these are great ideas. Carry on. The next one is End of term ideas, guys. Get your pens and papers out. The six-word memoir. I mean, I'm laughing, but I don't know why I'm laughing. So, I mean that is can you describe your life in six words? Right, so let's say go go with it, go with it. Okay. See if you can make this last an hour. My my whole life. In six words. Six-word memoir. Varied, exciting, boring, depressing. Whatever a single word would be for in reverse and car crash to Skid Row. I don't know how we get that into a lot. I think you've used significantly more than six words. So a six-word memoir. Can you do yours? I d I don't choose to. I choose not to. You choose not to. I choose not to do that. But that I suggest that's what the students are gonna say. They won't say that. I choose not to do that. And I Yeah, you made me do it. I didn't make you do it, and you didn't do it anyway. You used more than six words. So Okay, I used seven or eight words. Only because my vocabulary's knocked on the door of 15 at there, really. But uh anyway, it was it wasn't the six words. Six words. I think my issue with that as an activity is you're looking to fill an hour, aren't you? Yeah, and for most people, even if they were struggling, it might be a minute. Yeah, I mean, even if you know if they really pondered it, even the lazy students will be able to do that within 10 if they're not trying and they're talking to each other. And the last one the last one, did you say? This is the last one, yeah. I might have missed one out, but to be honest with you, I'm not going back. I'm not going back. So it's the last one. It's not worth trying to decipher it. I couldn't really work out what he was trying to say. Is actually no, let's go back. Right, okay. Well, you keep changing your mind. Well, no, I've read it now and I think it's worth considering. Yeah, yeah, okay. Well, it must mean it's good. A literary theme park. A literary theme park. So, what you want to do is you want to turn the sh t the traditional Shakespearean five-act structure into a roller coaster ride. Right. What would that involve? It's not clear really, uh how how you do that. So they've given no supporting information. Turn a five-act Shakespeare play into a roller coaster. Or Huckleberry Finn into a log flume ride down the Mississippi. It feels to me. There's a drawing of a theme park here, and it's like a kid's draw on the drawing. It feels to me as if whoever's compiled this list was on crack cocoa. Well, the two. There's a drawing. Absolutely lewd your crack. So what it basically I'm not turning Huckleberry Finn into a log flume. I don't think he's on the set text anyway. But the fun comes from you've read this book, and it's not Ghosty Costas. It's a full book, more than a hundred pages. Did you ever used to watch The Littlest Hobo? I did. I did. Was that a book? No, it was a TV. No, no, I know that it was I know it was a TV. But I may as well just say to you, yeah, point nine on this list, do the littlest hobo. Yeah, no, but I mean, it it's absolutely ludicrous. You remember Dennis Weaver in Duel? Yeah, one of um Shakespeare. One of uh Spielberg's earliest films. No, I didn't know. The truck driver, the menacing truck driver. I I could say number eleven on that list. Do your own version of Duel. That's what it is. I think that's which good. You know, yeah, but these these are just random bits of nonsense plick plucked out of the air and placed into a list. Do you know what I think? End of term activity. Eight-word podcast. That would probably be I mean that doesn't that sound credible after what we've just been listening to? Eight-word podcasts. Arguably preferable to this podcast in many ways, but uh Grass tobogganing. I think you should make your own list. I think I should based on the lists we've had on this show, I could go into production right now. Well, riddle me this. No, that's that's the last point. That's actually on the list. That's the last one on the list. Riddle me this. Riddle me this. Just make your own riddles. Make your own riddles. Yeah. Honest right, okay. Let's uh I'll give you a few more for the list, shall I? Ready? Yeah. You're the teacher. This list, let's imagine this list continues. No, to be fair, no, riddle me this is find some riddles that already exist and give those to the kids to solve. It's not it's not we don't have to make our own. They we just Well, that would have been almost would have been better. Making your own yeah, no, no, just find some. So you you've actually said something that was stupid but okay, and then you've downgraded it. Yeah. Having read the bullet points underneath. I have downgraded it, haven't I? It was better, what what was originally. Right. Can we continue this list? Let's produce five of our own, okay? Ready? Yeah. Design a coat for wearing underwater. I mean, that sounds more fun than anything. But but this is not it's nonsense. I'm just making an absolute claptrap off the top of my head, and it's better than what's on that list. But I think what the first thing that comes into my head the problem I think we found, and I think I've realized this as we come to the end of the list, yeah, is that clearly all of those activities, I think what's what's gone wrong here is that because they're aimed at secondary students. Right. And that's the problem. They're all aimed at secondary students, aren't they? So it's a it's a you know oh no, that's where we work, isn't it? Yeah, that's right. Right, sorry, no, they are aimed at the students we work with. That's right, yeah. Oh well, they won't work. No, that's right. None of those would work, would they? With the No. No,

Why End-Of-Term Films Always Fail

SPEAKER_00 34:22

okay. Really all that works is I mean, I've I find I go down well what I would tend to do. Have a virtual uh banquet. Why not? What that's why so many teachers just stick on videos, isn't it? Have you noticed this though? Um, I don't really like to show films on the last day of time. No, I don't either. I actually am that teacher. I don't if I teach at all. If I teach on the stealing a living, doesn't it? I will tend to just teach. Yeah. I'm that teacher. Where the kids will come in and they go, Oh, we just did a normal lesson, and I go, Yeah, because it makes more sense to me as your teacher to just try and teach you something. They, the students will would rather watch a film. But the problem I have with that is not that I actually object to showing them a film, it's that I strongly object to showing them part of a film. Correct. And not the whole film. And it it will be so, sir, so first of all, you have this um the more wanting to watch something that's way above the certificate that they're entitled to watch. So that's the first thing. Then the next thing is an argument breaks out between at least three subgroups within the group. No, no, I want to watch, I want to watch the nativity. Well, not again. Yeah, and then the other group, I think it's Easter. What were we watching the Nativity for? And then somebody else goes, Oh no, I want to watch um Candyman 3. Yeah, but it's an 18. Three people are decapitated in the first ten seconds, and then one eats the other's brain. You know, or whatever. Can't do that, right. Well, okay then. Um well can we uh can we watch um something off some Top Boy? No, you can't watch Top Boy, but I've watched it already. Well then why do you want to watch it again? Oh, because it's great, because he shoots him and then this one has drugs and no, okay. Well you shouldn't have seen that. So we get down all that out of it, and then we end up finding some ridiculous uh Danny DeVito or or you know, something that would have been great back in 1992. On it comes, and we watch 40 minutes of it, and then it has to go off. Always the first 40 minutes as well. Yeah. So it would have been better if you wind back 40 minutes from the end. Yeah. But we've never had the good sense to do it. Complete waste of time, isn't it? Oh, it absolutely is, and that's why I would refuse to do it.

Summer Plans And Listener Contributions

SPEAKER_00 36:36

Can I thank you as well as can I thank you for bringing another totally useless list to the party? Well, I thought it was a good way to end term, really. Very much so. We've given our teaching colleagues nothing to go on. No. But no, this uh this this yeah, we we're gonna continue with the podcast over the summer because uh not for you, dear listeners. We're we're not actually expecting you to listen over there. Have a break. It's just so do watch them when you come back. It's just so the algorithms will uh won't lose us because we do need to keep those uh those bots happy. But we will be in existence and there'll still be a website that's uh Ben and JamesCoddobetter.com. Uh there's still an email address which I can't remember off the top of my head, but that's in the show notes. It'd be good if you uh contributed in some way because please contribute. Otherwise, there are gonna just be more of these lists. And we know some of you are listening. Yeah. We know, guys, he's a one-trick pony, but you can help him. Well you could you could help me. I need the help. Uh send in postcards, even, or pictures of postcards, or tell us you hate the postcards. Don't tell us you hate us. Don't tell us you hate us. No, don't do that. We would we would struggle. We we very fragile egos. We have got fragile egos. Bet you're already looking forward to that insert day as you come back and uh to binge listening to the episodes from over the summer. That'll keep you going in that first week of September. But don't think don't think about that now. It's the summer holidays. Go and enjoy yourselves. Exactly. And in the meantime, from James and from Ben. Bye bye. Goodbye.