#CLRM - CHRISTOPHER LIAM ROSE - IMPERFECTION TO PERFECTION (REPENTATION) (CLRMCLRITP)

CHRISTOPHER LIAM ROSE MONASTERIES (CLRM)

E06 - #CLRM - CHRISTOPHER LIAM ROSE - IMPERFECTION TO PERFECTION (REPENTATION) (CLRMCLRITP)

CHRISTOPHER LIAM ROSE TALKS ABOUT #CLRM - CHRISTOPHER LIAM ROSE - IMPERFECTION TO PERFECTION (REPENTATION) (CLRMCLRITP)

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:34

This is a true video about who I am as a person. Um I want to make this video because I want to show the world who I am. The only way I can be truthful and show what it really means to be freedom, love and peace is if I show you what my life is and my life is like a story for a reason. Um because I want to explain what truth is, I want to explain the facts of change from conflict to change to non-conflict, which basically means being able to find freedom, love and peace in your hearts and souls and minds. And um before I make this very brave uh couraging video, I first want to state that I'm doing this because I want humanity, the animals and the universe to be a better place. And the only way that I can be a better place is if I be completely a hundred percent myself and be completely honest with who I am as a person and show the truth of what it means to be from conflict, find the change and be free from conflict, which means no more conflict, and this video will change everything because it explains exactly how I am the way I am today. Um it shows the complete 100% truth of who I am, and for many years I thought I would never ever do this um because I was too afraid, I was too scared to show who I really was. But this is the essence of the true reality of my life, and um in order for me to inspire humanity, animals, and the universe, I need to now be a hundred percent of who I am at all times, and that means giving people the truth without the fear of judgment or the fear of an image or a perception or the fear of what people might think, and it takes a lot of courage to do something like this, a lot of bravery, um, but the time is now for revolution, the time is now for people to really understand what love is, and if I didn't love the purpose of what God's given to me, I wouldn't be doing this today. Um and it's only because love equals sacrifice. Uh I have to sacrifice who I am uh for God. That means everything of who I was has to be gone and it has to be shown, which means that is why I'm doing this video, and uh I really want to explain in detail how I was able to change from living in conflict to finding a change within the conflict and now living without conflict and it first begins with the past which equals I which equals conflict. This is the past I conflict. I was born on the 9th of the 11th, 1988. Um I have a wonderful mother and a wonderful father who raised me and my twin brother and my brothers and sisters um in a very small uh flat and um we lived a very normal childhood, you know, it was really okay, it was really um, you know, very loving, caring, kind. Um but along those lines things changed and um it wasn't to do with us as you know, it wasn't to do with the children, like me and my brothers and sisters. Um it was more to do with um what my parents were going through. Um at the time, obviously we're young babies, we don't understand, you know, life and you know what happens in the world and you know what things arise when you're you you're raising a family and you're trying to hold into a relationship. And um a lot of things happened in my parents' marriage, and um because of certain changes is within the marriage, um my uh sorry it's very hard to say um because it's still personal to me to this day. Um my parents had a divorce and I was only around four at the time, and this was the first ever conflict I experienced, um, which was I'll I'll name it called separation. The reason why it was so difficult is because I was very close to my dad, and um, you know, we was always together, and you know, to go through a separation of not being with your father, of course I love my mum, of course I love my father, but I was very close to my dad, and uh that really really um had a damaging effect on me as a person. Um that was the first conflict I ever experienced, and it was the first time I felt anger. I just started to become very very very angry and bitter, and you know, I hated the world and I I hated what was going on and I hated you know certain situations, I hated that I wasn't around my father, I hated that you know my mum was single with all her kids, so I just didn't like the situation, and because I was so young, I took it out in the world. I was only like four years old at the time, and I took out my anger and frustration and pain in all different ways. I became very violent towards people in schools and nurseries and you know primary schools, I was a very violent child. I was a very you know, I didn't take shit from anyone, and it was mainly because of this conflict that I was feeling inside, which was the hurt and the pain of not being close uh with my father, and I don't blame my parents for what their decision was, that's down to them. I blame myself at that time because I was too young to understand what was going on, I never knew any better. So instead of me as a human being finding out what was going on, the conflict was building inside of me, and uh it really stayed with me for a long time. And of course, you know, my mum she uh raised her children, you know, there was five of us, and you know, my mum was going through struggle, uh so much struggle and uh trying to uh you know raise her kids by herself with no father around and you know that was the second conflict that I felt which was seeing someone I love being hurt and being in pain and being in struggle and um it was very hard. Um very hard to watch your you know your mother working so hard for so little um trying her best you know to raise all her children and she's going through the ultimate life challenge and um these things just made me very angry. I was very very angry when I was younger and um those two things were the first conflicts that I experienced so it was separation and loss and hurt and loss and I was only four years old at the time and uh you know So in the past since I had the separation and loss um when I was only four, this conflict inside of me built and the anger and pain I was feeling actually went into my social life, which means it was a part of my um you know school education and also my environment of how I was living and interacting with people, so the conflict of that separation and loss of how it affected me personally entered into my school life, and um as a young child, you know, I was very um creative. Uh I always had a passion for creating things, whether it was art or designs or pictures or images, you know, I was one of those sort of kids. I never was really an academic child, I never was really a child that you know was into books and you have to read this and you have to study that. I was more of the artist creative type of child, and you know, when I was younger, that's all I really wanted to do, and it was weird that you know when I was four, um, because of that conflict of the anger and loss, uh, I found a way to channel it at that time, which was creating things, and I used to create uh art, uh a lot of art and and designs and uh a lot of characters and um feelings towards what I was feeling because I was so young I couldn't express it at the time, but I could create it, I could make a picture that showed you know what I was feeling, or I could write something that was a part of what I was feeling, and um that's the way I dealt with it for a while. The weird thing is I never knew that you know creating was a passion of mine because I was only young, I didn't know that was part of who I was, but because I didn't know that was part of who I was and I was still in conflict, in school I had to suffer, which was the third thing I experienced in conflict. Uh the suffering of people telling you you're dumb and people telling you you're dyslexic and you're stupid and um you just don't fit in, and you um are just a retard, and you you know you don't have no skills um comparing me to other sort of people, and you know, since I was four in my early school life, um I had to get so much abuse from people, uh verbally, physically, uh which was basically bullying, uh and I was always being compared to you know um my twin brother, which was much more academically smarter than I was, um and you know much more popular than I was, so I was always looked at as the reject. Um I was always looked at as scum, I was always looked at as you know someone that's it's not worth anything. And living with that every day in your school life, the one place where you're meant to be finding who you are as a person, you know, you're meant to be creating or you're meant to be you know being helped by the teachers. You can in encourage you to find your passion, and for me, school life was the complete opposite, it just wasn't like that whatsoever, it was complete hell. Um, and I never learned a thing in school, I never learned anything. All I learned in school is that I was being controlled, and I I and um there was no way out of it, and I was being controlled by doing something I didn't want to do, I was being controlled by people telling me I'm something I'm not, I was being controlled by um not having any idea of the whole environment of education and what it means because I thought it was I thought it was meant to be about helping people find who they are, and the teachers, you know, help those people to find who they are, and in education there are some teachers that are specifically like that, which is what you know teachers should be doing, helping people to find who they are. But for me, in my in my personal academic life, it was just never like that. I never found one teacher that helped me to really harness my creativity, and that was the biggest to me, probably the biggest downfall I had when I was younger. I never had the opportunity to show my creative side, and you know, out of everything that was probably the biggest conflict because I was studying things I had no interest, I was um in classes with people I didn't like, I was in an environment that wasn't a part of who I was, and all these conflicts um it just really got to me as a person, and that same anger that I had from the separation and loss, it grew even more because I was more angry and more upset and more hurt with the current situation I was in, and um that was my third conflict that I experienced. So after the school life, um the ages between from four to around 10 and 11. Um my mum moved me, my brothers and sisters to Tootin, and that's where I'm from, that's who I am. I'm from Tootin'. Uh we moved to Raim's Close, uh off Church Lane, uh, which is in Tooton Broadway. And this was uh an a ghetto estate, I'll call it, or uh or the estate of I would say the streets, the hood, the slums, and the ghettos, all in one. Um and strangely enough, this is where I was brought up. You know, this is the place I had to live. Um and to be honest, this is where the path of conflict becomes very extreme, of what conflict is. This is the real essence of where all my conflict began. Um right, so when I was round, I don't know specifically what age, I was young at the time. Due to my young age of conflicts that I was living in, um, as I said, it grew in my character, it built up for many years. So the anger that I felt through a separation and the hurt and the loss and all the things I experienced in the past, it became a part of who I was. So I became angry, I became violent, I became abusive, I became insecure, I became all these things that were negative. I did a lot of things because of this conflict. First thing I used to do when I was younger was number one, I was very, very violent, uh, very violent and very abusive to people. Um because of the conflict that I lived in, because of the anger that I had inside of me, and I took out on people that I know. Um random strangers, I used to rob them, beat them up, take their money, take their clothes, take their chains, take whatever possessions they had because I thought that was good. I thought this is how life should be. Now I can take out all my frustration out on people, and there's gonna be no consequences to my actions. So I used to have lots of girls, I used to sleep with lots of girls for no reason. I used to just smoke weed every day for no reason, I used to just chill at the park all day for no reason. Um all these things that were just corruptive and um to be honest, pointless, completely pointless. Now I look back at it, it was just a waste of time and a waste of life, and um you know it's just at the time that's that's what living was about in the ghettos, you know, making a lot of money, you know, getting the nicest girls, or the girls having the nicest guy, uh flossing, dressing nice, you know, all this materialistic lifestyle, and you know, I got caught up in that, and that was the ultimate conflict, and um just cutting it short in my time of tuting, you know. I met a lot of people, you know, there's a lot of uh people that I grew up with, loads of people, and um you know uh I re-kindled my passion for creativity because um when I was living with my mum, uh I used to draw again. I felt I refelt that creative side of me, uh, which was art creating and also music. Um and I started to listen to lots of music when I was younger at the time. Um back in those days it was gram days, so you know it was all about the gram, the hard, hard, you know, gram hip hop sort of music, and you know that's what I grew up off, you know, like a dizzy rascal and uh Wiley and you know all these other major um artists, and um because of this, you know, I felt passion for music, and you know, it was part of me, you know, growing up in the States, you know, I I would observe and you know jam with my friends and chilling, and you know, we have MC battles and stuff like that, and it was good, it was those are the positive things about the past, you know, even though it was all living in conflict, you know, there was still some sort of love for everyone, you know, there was love for just you know being young, you know, and that's not a bad thing, you know. And I think the things that I took from my past was you know that passion, I didn't know what it was, I just knew every time it was something to do with creative things, I felt better, and um did help the conflict to ease, but still there was a burning conflict inside of me that never went away. So, as you know, growing up in the hood, going through these different stages and stuff, uh you know, you you observe, you learn different things, and this is where life for me goes completely downhill of conflict. So when I was younger, uh I had many girls in my time, you know. Um, not to brag, I'm not trying to brag, I just I had a lot of girls in my time. I I always had a lot of ladies. It was never a problem for me to have women or girls or people that I was attracted to because I don't know, people just thought I was a sweet guy, but even though I looked like a sweet guy, um I I had a very hood mentality, so it was very um you know, that's what they liked, you know, someone that looked sweet but had the frog in them, and that's what I was. Um and the sort of the first I had a few relationships, but the first one I really remember was someone close. I won't say say their name, um, but it was a good relationship, and um, you know, it was sort of the first time I sort of what a relationship was. Um and um it was in within Tootin', you know, within the estates and stuff. And it was a good relationship, you know. We had ups and downs and stuff like that. Then I experienced the conflict again, which was um I'll say love and loss, um, because it was due to people getting involved in the relationship and stuff like that, which I I believe broke up the relationship, and um, you know, that person at the time when she broke up with me, uh, it was very hard to deal with because you know I actually did love this person, and you know, um, you know, I would say love in the sense of being with her for a while, and it was sort of my first sort of experience of being in a proper relationship. I was only young, um, but it it it felt right, you know, and um because of that experience of loss, um, which I felt previously due to my parents' situation, it brought a new level of conflict and it made me more bitter and more angry, and you know, that same feeling of the conflict that I had before was still buried inside of me, and it made me worse this time. So instead of me finding out why don't always feel this conflict, um I basically took out on the world I know. So I went back to my old ways, not learning from my mistakes, not learning about the things that I did in the past. So I kept on robbing people, I kept on being violent, I kept on being abusive to people, I kept on um doing things that were wrong, I kept on being negative, I kept on swearing at people for no reason, I kept on doing all the negative things you can think of. I was I was you know, I was that was me completely. I'm not proud of my past whatsoever. I was completely negative, that's exactly who I was. And um it's because at the time it was the only way I could deal with the hurt. Um so then that relationship went by blah blah blah, and um then I met a real relationship that a relationship that changed my whole life. Um not for the not for the good would I say, for the worse. Um and I think this is where conflict becomes the reality of karma. Karma. Because of all the years I was younger and I had a completely negative life, completely negative. There's no essence of positive in it whatsoever. This is when the tables turn, this is when you live in so much conflict with yourself and what you do to others that God has to punish you, He has to make you see your actions for what you are doing, and you become a person of complete destruction and evil, and this is where conflict needs to be confronted, and the only way God can do that to show you all the wrong and the mistakes that you're doing is when he does the ultimate life lesson, and this is what happened to me personally. So, the first thing of what happened in this dramatic karma, I would call it dramatic karma, was since all the negativity I did to other people as well as myself, uh I had another relationship with a person that I wouldn't I wouldn't say I loved, no, it was just a loss of she was okay, she was nice, and you know, I just wanted because I had the young mentality, I just wanted to have fun, you know. It wasn't about anything more than that, to be honest, um, and to be truthful, and um this is where not understanding conflict becomes complicated. So I won't say the person's name, uh the person was very older than me, and um you know they probably knew more than I did. I was too young at the time, and I was just one of those hood guys that had fun, did a lot of street crime, and that was it really, and violence and stuff like that, nothing to be proud about, nothing to go wow, I'm I'm a hood guy, I'm gangster, like that stupid, completely stupid. Um so one thing led to another. We had fun I would say, and then obviously I found out this person she became pregnant and for the first time in my life, only being probably younger about younger than 15 at the time, reality hit me, uh you know, true reality of life of wow, now I'm responsible. Now I'm responsible for a situation that I created, and to be honest with you, I wasn't ever responsible for anything I did in the past. I was never responsible, I didn't even care what I was doing in the past, I didn't even care that I was hurting people, I didn't even care that I was causing all this conflict, I didn't even care that I was hurting myself, I didn't even care that you know I was destroying everything around me because I wasn't aware of it, I didn't understand it, I didn't know what was going on. So when this bombshell hits, it was two things happen. One it was a revolution because for the first time I felt what love of true joy was, because all my life I just felt negativity, so for the first time, you know, something completely positive was happening, so it's quite a really sacred enjoyment just to know that wow, something pure is about to come. The other side of it was fear, the fear of oh my god, what the hell has have I gotten myself into, and you know, the fear of how am I gonna handle this responsibility, and the fear of I'm only you know young, like how am I gonna deal with this change, and um you know um all this played along, all this was part of the conflict, also, because of the thoughts that I was having, and uh you know, um this is where life gets hard, and this is where life really goes to a next level of conflict, right? Because I had a good person, a good friend of mine, uh he well I would have said he was like family to me at that time, um but things change, you know, people change, things change, and when people have jealousy, which is a conflict, envy which is a conflict, uh hate which is a conflict, um they change, and the situation with what happened I'll try and cut it as short as possible is uh a friend that I had um he wanted the person that I was with, you know, he wanted the girl that was potentially gonna be my baby mother, and he was doing whatever it took, which I find it very um evil today, to try to break the relationship with me and her for his own gain, which is very selfish and very wrong, which is also a conflict, and when that happens it really made the made the situation complicated. So for me, I'm in the middle of this, my best friend's portraying me, and also the girl the girl that obviously I that is gonna be my baby mother, she's having doubts because of you know the situation of what my my friend portrayed me as saying. So I'm in the middle of both conflicts. I'm trying to be the best, you know, person for my girlfriend at the time, but also I'm handling with this ultimate confrontation of someone just trying to uh destroy everything that I'm trying to change into, which is you know the love, the family, you know, a revolution of trying to live a better life, and someone evil is trying to destroy that. And cut a long story short, what happened in the end was um I got betrayed, so that was that was the conflict that I had. Dishonour was the conflict, and disrespect was a conflict, which happened all happened at this time, and because of I caught him basically uh I have to smile or be angry, um this being dishonor being this disloyal and dishonouring me in front of my face at the time to try and woo over the girlfriend at the time, just for his own selfish desires, um completely changed me. And I went back to how I used to be, which was the anger, the violence, the hate, the the just wanting to attack everything that was trying to make me feel this way. And a fight broke out, and yeah, a fight broke out, and um I went to prison. I was the one in the wrong, even though I did nothing wrong, even though I never portrayed, even though you know I never did anything wrong. I went I had to go to prison because of that fight, and not for prisoners in a sentence, just for a cell for a few nights. But this incident changed my whole life because at that period where my friend betrayed me, and my girlfriend at the time was she was still pregnant, I was in jail. So I'm not around the estate to find out what's going on and to know the ins and outs of how things are. I can't even use a phone for goodness sake. So then what happened was while I was in prison, I don't know what happened to this day. This is something I've never I've never known, it's something I really don't know. When I was in the cells, um and I came out of cells after so when I got out of the cells and I was back in tooting, uh I can I can never forget this moment. This moment is is probably the one thing I've I've lived with all my life. So when I got out of prison and obviously I went back to the estate, you know, I was like, you know, I'm all thinking in my mind, you know, I'm gonna be a father, I'm gonna have a kid on the way, you know. Um I told all my family, my mum, my dad, my twins, my brothers and sisters, my nan, you know, my whole family knew. And this is when my life changed forever. This is when I don't know what happened, my life just changed. And I do call this point karma of conflict, karma of when you do bad in the world, it comes back. Um it comes back to you in a way that you'll never imagine, and the one thing you want the most goes from you, and it this is what really gets to me, and this is what really happened. So I went to the I went back on the estate and I met a friend, I don't I can't remember who it was, but I can't even forget this moment. I went to their estate and one of my friends basically stated, Oh you know that girl that you was with fam, I was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

Oh you know what the ends are saying, yeah, like um, you know, she had an abortion, you know, fam when he was in prison, bro. I know it's crazy, it's deep man, it's deep shit. Oh my days, man, it's deep man.

SPEAKER_03 36:15

And that's where that's when my life just changed and I don't know if you ever would feel like a part of you just died. Uh that's exactly what that felt like. It felt like everything you wanted in life was gone in an instant. And you just felt completely gone. You didn't even f you did your mind and your body didn't even feel like it was hit. It felt like something you loved so much, something that you wanted so much, something that you needed so much was taken away from you. And I just remember going to I was outside at the time, I remember just going on my knees and just feeling the ultimate pain, which was part of a conflict, hurt, which was conflict, sorrow, guilt, um mistakes, torture, all in one and loss, all in one. And to be honest with you, that's probably the darkest moment that I've ever lived in my life. Um ever. Nothing there's no experience that's come close to me than that. Um the ultimate loss when you lose your children. Um that is the ultimate loss, and there's no amount of anything that can heal that pain. Um and that is what I lived with at that time. And I was only 15 at the time, and um even today it's like a um it's just uh the ultimate pain, you know, and um this is where new levels of conflict because of this, because of going through this experience of now I have to live with the fact that my children I was meant to be a father, and someone took my children away from me without my permission, and I was helpless to do anything. And I do believe to this day it was due to the karma of my actions, and I still believe to this day that was the reason why. Well, that's what I thought, and when you go through something like that, there's only two things that can happen.

SPEAKER_00 39:12

So when you go through something like that, there's only two things that can happen.

SPEAKER_03 39:17

One is um you basically become dead, uh, and the other is you take out your anger, frustration, your pain, your hurt, your loss on the world you know. And instead of me just dying, I did the opposite. I was more angry than ever. I was more in conflict than ever, I was more frustrated than ever because I just suffered the ultimate loss, which was losing my children. So this is where things get deep. So I'm still in the Tutin streets, I'm still grinding and hustling and doing all these things, you know, and you know, I was into a few gangs. I wouldn't say there was a name for the gangs, I'll just say I was I was a part of that culture of you're either a gang member or a gang banger. You know, I was a gang banger, which basically means you're active. A gang member just means you just roll with people that are just gang bangers in the sense of you know, they just affiliated with them. I wasn't I'm not I'm not in that category. I was actually doing things on the streets day to day, year to year, month to month. So you know that that was part of my character, that's who I was. Um, I'm not proud of my past, I never have been, I'm not proud of who I used to be, I'm not proud of the actions that I did. But the whole essence is I'm trying to show you what conflict is, and using my life and as an example of why conflict is so destructive. So as I continue, um and then yeah, obviously, you know, because of that loss, I became in sorrow, hurt, pain, guilt, um, went through a whole different ray of experiences, and due to the violence of what I was doing on the streets, I nearly suffered my first this is a conflict of a near-death experience. Um this was due to the fact of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Uh what happened in in short was uh had a running into another member of gangs and a bright a fight broke out and it got very hectic and um you know I nearly I nearly beat up someone very severely and they nearly beat me up very severely and to the point of yeah I could have passed. Um and that was part of the near-death experience conflict at that Pacific time. And I think what happened to me was when I was 15, um seeing all that conflict that I did as well as what I experienced and the conflict that others did and the loss that I just experienced, I had to find a way out. I had to find a way to get past everything that I was feeling at that time. So what I did was there was another conflict where I was having problems at home with my mum because of my behaviour on the streets, and you know a lot of people will be saying your son's very destructive and your son's doing a lot of wrong. Uh you know, I keep hearing him in these fights and these wars with other people, you know, I keep hearing him doing these activities of crime, and you know, obviously, my mum being my mum, she cares and loves me, she's trying to protect me, but she doesn't like hearing that her son's always out doing mischief. So, of course, we're gonna have arguments, and we had so many arguments to the point of I decided it was just best for me to move. Two things happened at this stage, which is part of also a conflict. One, I lost security, um, so I wasn't secure anymore, I wasn't no one was looking after me in the sense of I just suffered that ultimate loss of um you know losing my children, and my mum obviously and my family was sort of that protective cover that will always look after you in your goods and your bads, and when I decided to move home, I lost that shelter of you can always come come back to this, and I was all alone for the first time in my life. I was all alone with everything I experienced at the age between four and fifteen, and everything that I've done, and every experience that I I lived and went past, you know, and uh so then I moved out, then this is. Where conflict comes more. So I moved out when I was 15 years old. I moved out from my mother's home in Tootin and I moved to a hostel just up the road from Tootin, but more next straight. And this is where the next level of conflict comes in, which is now the reality of conflict, I'll call it. So when I moved out of home, I was homeless. Yeah, I was home. Completely homeless. I had nowhere to stay. I was sleeping on park benches and I was eating the garbage that people would leave behind on the sidewalk. I don't know what homeless is to other people, but I was homeless. And my clothes were in black bags, and I was sleeping on these park benches and stuff like that. And you know, until you really understand what conflict is, you just don't understand the whole essence of all the conflict. It's very destructive. Obviously, first you have this physical conflict of you know being outside alone and there's no support or security. Then you have your inner conflicts which are much more damaging. So I had both at the same time. So when I moved into the hospital, um eventually after a few, luckily for me, a few weeks of being homeless on the street, the reality kicked in. But something happened. I met someone along my path, which I never expected. I met someone that you know was a proper, genuine, loyal, nice person. And the thing of what happened there was this is another conflict. I was in lust of the per. I wasn't in super love in the sense of I was just in, I was in complete lust of her being. She was very beautiful, very pretty, very amazing, and it was the complete lust of that that drawed me into really being with her. But the good thing about that lust was it built into a normal level of love, um, because it was the first real time I experienced you know a connection with a person without conflict because it it wasn't a conflict really when it connected, it was just about a lust, and um and the reason why I was very close to this person was the loyalty, a very, very loyal person, and this person was so loyal to me that um even though I was going through what I'd say is the worst experience of my life, uh, when I was in the hospital, uh when I to be honest, I'll put my hands up. I had the ultimate uh confrontation with conflict, which was I suffered the ultimate uh depression because of the loss of my kids and the reality of all the actions I did, and the guilt and the regret and the pain. And I also had a major breakdown because I was just completely lost in my sorrow and pain and hurt and life, you know, and in the hostel, that's where everything came to me like a ton of bricks that just fell on me. And you know, I was all alone, and you know, this was the one person that was there when no one else was, and that is why today, in the sense of the loyalty, I loved her loyalty. Her loyalty was very loyal. I didn't love her as a person because when it started, it was lust, it wasn't true love, it was the loyalty of the person. And um obviously in the hospital because of all this conflict, and I couldn't take the pain and I couldn't take everything that was going on. Another conflict came and this conflict was I tried to I tried to commit suicide because I couldn't take the pain, I couldn't take the guilt, I couldn't take the loss, I couldn't take all of these things that was destroying my life. So I tried to take my own life more than once at a time, and I thought that was the only way I can get past this feel. So because of that, my life went completely downhill, and um this is where conflict gets gets extreme. Uh so from I'll say from when I was 15 to when I was about 19, 18, I went I was in and out of hospital. Uh I was in Springfield because I suffered with mental health and depression. So I was actually uh in there because of my illness, and um the one thing I learned was when you uh get to a place of you completely destroyed, and you just there's no hope of your character or being, you know, you just become lost, and that's what it was. I was just lost in this conflict, and I just didn't see a way out. And the the the hardest thing for me to deal with at that time was I took it out on everybody, you know, I took it out on my family, I took it out on my relationship with the girl that I just spoke about, I took it out of everyone that I know. And I had conflict from family at that point, and when you're dealing with your own personal problems as well as having conflict as well, with your own family, where where they're the ones that's meant to actually be supporting you and guiding you, and they're actually bringing you down more because they're trying to show you your failures and your flaws and you're weak, and you know why you're here and you know you're a nutcase and you have no real character, and you're just a lot, you're just a loss at all. And you're trying to recover, you're trying to heal yourself, you know, that's very damaging. And that's what happened to me, that's how my life was. So for many years I suffered with depression. Many years, and um uh deep depression, not just a little depression, deep depression. And in the relationship that I was with with this person because of my own conflicts, which I now understand why I did certain actions in the relationship. I was a cheater. I cheated, um I cheated many times. I was very violent, very aggressive. Um, I always wanted things my way. You know, I never cared about her feelings. I always I was always focused on I, I, I, I, I and I never took the time out to understand that you know there's someone else that you know I should be dedicating my time to. But because I was so wrapped up in my conflict, that's where that relationship ended. And it's because of my actions, it's nothing to do with the person, because of who I was, because I didn't know who I was at the time. And uh after like five years of being in a relationship. Um, we're now talking about the imperfection. Um, this part is the present, and the present stands for unknown, which equals change and choice. Right, so once my girlfriend left me in the hostel, what happened was uh I was all alone in the hostel, so I lost everything, and I went through a stage of discovering who I was. Um the loss of that breakup was due to my actions, but what happened was it made me very, very upset, bitter, angry, hurt, and pain, and um I was in some sort of lost state for a long period of time. Um at that point in my life I lost everything that I really cared about. I was unemployed, I lost my girlfriend, and also um you know it was just a major crisis in life. Um so what happened was uh basically during that period of um 18 no, I think it was 18 or 14, no, about 18 I would say. Um or maybe maybe maybe before that, um I was just in a state of depression, and this is where the unknown comes in, this is when a change in a choice comes in. So basically, due to the the loss of that relationship, I was in a sort of isolation mode, which is a part of a conflict also. But um what happened was is that I started to go through a transformation in the present, and um you know, even though you know you just suffered your ultimate loss, you started to develop new skills and new abilities and new things, which was part of a change that you wasn't aware of. Um but I think what happened for me was it's it was due to that change I made a choice, and the choice was that I'm gonna try and better my life in a positive way without um trying not to affect as many more people as I can. You know, I'm gonna try and change my life for the better. So, what half happened after that breakup? Um, a few things happened. I went back into the working environment, so I'm gonna call this part the social environment. And I changed as a person because I was much more stronger, much more adaptable to more challenges, I was much more able to handle loss than I did before, but then there was still a part of me that was a bit hurt um and in pain. Um, so obviously, due to going through that loss of not just the relationship of all the other things, the hurts and the pains, um, this change was slowly awakening, and I went into I worked in so many different jobs, um, and I'll talk about this very briefly. Um basically, in the working environment, very controlled, um, you don't really have much choice to do anything. For example, you know, I worked a lot of nine to five jobs, I worked a lot of um jobs that would just destroy my whole character, personality, who I was as a person, and um you know, from job to job, from weight page check to pay check, from month to month, from week to week, from year to year, I was finding that I was still unemployed, I was finding that I was still struggling, I was finding that you know there's a lot of competition status, um, you know, bragging rights and all these other things that are part of the corporate world, you know, the corporate environment, you know, in a job you have to be very aggressive and be everyone to get to the top, and you know, very competition, very um ambitious, um destructive sort of behavior. And I think as I was going through the present, this was part of the change, and I learned a lot along that sort of working environment of how it was. And I learned that basically, number one, um, people do whatever it takes to make money, they don't care if you're a happy person, a negative person, a good person, a bad person. Money's money in their eyes, they're only concerned about getting rich and getting money. Um, and also the management are like that as well. They only care about you know making lots of money, um, getting rich. Um, everyone else that's below the corporate structure doesn't really matter because they don't own it. Um, so you know, you you you see all these things and you think, well, okay, um, I'm part of that. And it's I don't know, something just changed in me. Um uh, you know, working lots of different jobs and seeing lots of different things. I learned that you know there's got to be a different way to um, you know, actually uh make a living, and also you know, a different way of living than just this nine to five competition, aggressive behaviour, ambitious behaviour, selfishness, greed, envy, um, you know, all these things that are part of a a um a corporate environment of whatever industry or job you in. It doesn't matter so long as it's based on those principles, which most corporate companies are, unless they have true morals, values, and principles and purpose, then it's very hard to work for a company that isn't really about trying to make the world a better place, it's more about just greed, which is basically money. Um, that's the reality of it, it's not about anything else but just the money. And um, I learned a long time ago that something was wrong here. Um, I got fired from a lot of jobs for no reason. I was made redundant about 20 times. Um, I lost a lot of jobs along the way, and you know, each time these changes happened to me in a social environment, it woke me up gradually. So, um, in the present, I made a choice, I made a choice that was very, very serious, and this choice was based on what happened in my past, it was based on the fact that because I went through all those conflicts and I lost my children mainly, I had to change, something had to change. I didn't know what it was, I didn't know why I wanted to change, I didn't know what the purpose was, but I just knew that you know if I don't make a change now and do something at that specific time, you know, things will stay the same, and that was the choice that I made. The choice that I made was was to find what my passion is and follow my passion, and what happened was going through those social environments, um it's weird. Um, basically, I actually the way I felt my passion was, and it's in this unknown stage of change interest, is that I was actually just in my flat, and you know, I was all alone, and um I was still feeling a bit of hurt towards life and society and you know the losses and the breakup and you know also myself, my guilt, and my mistakes. Um, that I wanted to express it in some way. I wanted to express, you know, why am I feeling like this, or you know, why is um why is my body reacting to these changes. So what happened for me and what I told you back in the past was obviously I was creating since I was four, right? So I've always been creating something, and what happened was is when the revolution of God happened, it basically what happened was I was in my flat and I just sat down on the floor and I just wrote something on a piece of paper. And I think the first song I ever writ was called Power and Pain because it was quite an odd situation, it was I think the reason why I wrote that song is because it showed what happened to me, it showed the change from the pain of everything that I experienced in that past to a power of change and choice of being free from that pain. And I think that was the first song I ever remember writing actually on piece of paper, and from that moment it changed my life because what I learned from that change and that conscious decision to just sit there and write, whether it's right or wrong, whether it was good and bad, it it it it reharnessed that creativity that I had when I was four, when I was designing and making comics and stuff, and what I realized was it's because I made that choice, and I chose to just follow my heart and my intuition and my mind, my body, and soul, and that's what happened. And without me uh listening to my heart and my consciousness, I would have never actually been doing anything towards creativity now. I wouldn't even be on the camera right now, so I had to basically change, and I had to make a choice, and without that change, and without that choice, I wouldn't be here today, I wouldn't be doing this right now, and I would have been trying to spread love and peace to the world, as well as showing my passion for creativity, and um that's the main ultimate change that happened, and obviously, because I refelt that passion of true sacred love for something, it just grew, it just it just grew and grew and grew and grew and grew, and the more I did this creating things, the better it got, the better I got, the more aware I was as a person, the more it was helping develop me as a human being, the more that I felt this is what God wanted me to do. I felt like this was the thing that really shows who I am as a person, and this is gonna somehow change the world for the better. And I knew if I kept on creating things and I kept on making things that had value, meaning, purpose, morals, and principles that eventually one day the world will see it, and I didn't know why at the time, but the essence of what happened for my creativity at that point was loss, and without me losing everything and beginning again as a starter, basically starting from nothing, I would have never found the true sacred creativity, and I'll never be a creator now. And I think that was part of a change in a tress.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:05

Um so in the present, right? So in the present, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:18

I met wow, this is something I've been wanting to say for a while. So uh in the present after I found that I f had a passion for creating, you know, a true desire, love, joy, peace, sacred feeling for creating things. Um it's quite weird. Um I was cre I was creating music at the beginning, and um I was working in a Pacific place in Selfridges at this time. It's weird because I did music before that period of time, it's just at that time I was actively uploading some sort of music or writing, and it was the the passion for music as well as creativity was slowly coming to life, and um at Selfridge's, you know, I met a few people, but there was one person that this change in this stress uh completely changed my life forever, and I would say this person, I don't want to say her real name, but because of this person, um my life changed for the better, completely changed for the better, in in a way that I would have never imagined. I never would have imagined that you could find someone that's not just your soulmate, but your twin flame.

unknown 1:05:59

Um

SPEAKER_03 1:06:00

Someone that you're actually connected with spiritually and you was always meant to meet that person eventually. And I met her, I met the love of my life, and the person that I was meant to actually meet in my lifetime in Selfridges. And if it wasn't for me working in Selfridges, I would have never met this person. And it's quite weird how the story changes, but keep listening. So I met this person and it's weird, this person just came randomly, you know. I never expected her. I wasn't looking for someone to you know, I wasn't looking for someone in a sense of, you know, this is the girl I wanna I I I believe is gonna be the girl for the rest of my life. It's just God brought this person here, and um it was quite a random occasion. But what happened was that as soon as I saw this person, right, spiritual connection came, um, which I never had before. It was something that was intuition, something from the heart, something that um you know you can't describe in words, something that God probably made you feel for a reason. And all I remember was as soon as I saw this person, that life just changed, like I just felt this enjoyment and love and peace and happiness and true uh loveliness and just kindness and care all in one. And I kept saying to my f um my workmate, I was like, who's this person? Who's this person? Who is she, who is she? And I didn't understand that at time. I didn't understand like um why was I feeling like this? Why would some random stranger make you feel a certain way you never ever felt before? And what happened was I think what that feeling was was it was the intuition of this is the person, you know, this is the one, this is the person you're meant to share the rest of your life with, this is your soulmate, this is your twin flame, and um this is the person you're meant to be with in this lifetime, and it's quite deep to say that, but it is the truth. And funnily enough, that same feeling what happened was um eventually me and this person connected because it was it it was destiny, it was gonna happen regardless whether she knew it or I knew it, it it was a destiny feeling, it had to happen because God put us in that situation specifically for us to meet at that specific time, at that specific year, at that specific time of our life, and um that's where everything changed, and I think everything changed not just for me but for the person as well. Um, and I think that's the first time that I experienced what's sacred love and unconditional love, which basically means a love that can never be broken, a love that can never be replaced, a love that is so holy that you just can't experience it again. Something that lives on beyond time, um, something that no one can give to you. It's something that you only have it once, you only meet this person once in your life. You just anything before this person doesn't matter, it's just this person or this love that you have for this person is the ultimate feeling, it's the feeling of true sacredness, and when you have this feeling it changes everything, and what happened was because I met this person right because I met this person right, um that's when everything changed, and um that's why now I'm doing everything you see on the camera because I'll just say it straight, I can't say if it wasn't for Bumties, there's no way I could be me. Um there's no way I could have changed, and there's no way I could have made the choice of being a creator without the fear, and it's because of Bumties that life has changed, and um the reason for that is because she was the person that had the sacred love of what I've never experienced, and she's never experienced, and when two people that are destined to be together come as one, even for a short period of time, it changes everything, and um for the present that was the change for me, that was the ultimate change. Finding the person that is my soulmate and my twin frame. That's what changed me completely, that's what changed the past completely. Everything that happened in the past was gone away. All that mattered was um the unconditional love I had for this person and the unconditional sacred feeling we had, and it changed my life, and that's why as soon as I met her, you know, I stopped drinking, I stopped um having um any negativity towards things. Uh I stopped all the negativity like violence and stuff, I stopped smoking, um all the things that you would normally do, I didn't. It completely changed my life, and it's because I met her, and that's what the unknown thing was. It's in life sometimes you can't um know what's gonna happen. You can't put you can't you can't actually um figure it out. The only thing you can do in the present is affect it, you can affect the present, which means you your actions and what you think and what you do and the way you behave and the way you um carry yourself affects the present. So if I didn't follow certain changes that I was feeling as a person and made certain choices and acted on it, I would have never changed. I wouldn't have known what changes, I wouldn't have known what making a choice is. And the one thing about the present I was saying before I finish is that as humans we all have the ability to make the world a better place, and um it's our responsibility to help everyone that we get in contact with in some way be a better person, whether it's through your arts, through your education, through your knowledge, through your wisdom, through your um abilities, through your skills, through your talents, you need to make the world a better place because it's not just about you, it's about a change, it's about a choice, it's about finding something that you don't know and being prepared to go through the journey. And I think what I learned in the present is is that you have the effect, you can affect your present in any way you choose. You have the choice, and you have the power to make a difference not just for yourself, not just for the universe, not just for the animals, but also for the world for any person you're in contact with. And I think that's the power of the present, is that you can affect it, you can make a choice today to go, you know what? I don't want to live in conflict. You know what? I want to help people, you know what? I want to stop violence, you know what, I want to stop crime, you know what? I want to try to protect um animals, you know what, I want to try and help the universe be a better place. You have the choice, and you've always had the choice. It's just we never understood how powerful making a decision is, and that's why the present is so important to me, is because there's certain choices based on my morals, values, and principles that I had. If I wasn't with Bumties, or if I never met her, then um I'll never be myself. I'll never be who I am, and I think that's what the importance is finding that you know change. And um without making that choice, you can never change. And um that's the truth. So you can affect the present and you have the choice. So make the right decisions for you, your family, humanity, and the world becomes Hi everyone, this is Reggie Rose, Summer Legend, HGR. This is the future. This is the final video. This video is about showing the people the truth. Right. This is what we have to do. Once you've understood the past and the present, the future basically means know I, which basically means know yourself. In order to be perfection, which basically means imperfection equals perfection, you must understand your past, you must understand the present, and you must understand the future. The only way, as humanity, that we can get into our perfection self, which is the revolution of all humanity, is if we understand our imperfection. To understand your imperfection, you must understand the good and the bad, you must understand all of your experiences that you've lived, you must understand what conflict is and how it's affected your day-to-day life. And it's very important that we now understand that this is the time that we all need to really focus on this. Every single person, men, women, children, we must take the time to focus on this cause because it's the cause of consciousness. Right. So, what we need to do is imperfection equals perfection. The way to get to perfection is a process. The process is the past, which I equals conflict, which basically means understanding your conflict, understanding the things that have damaged you, the hurts, the pains, the losses, the guilt, the mistakes, the attachments, all of these things. Understanding how it's affected you day to day in your life completely just by seeing it for what it is, not having an image about it, seeing exactly what the conflict does. From the past, you see the present, which is a change and choice. This is the hardest thing for people. Once you've understood your conflict completely, which means you understand it completely without no hiding, no running away from the truth, but you see it for exactly what it is. The present is the hardest thing, and you can affect it. You have a choice and you have a change. This is what's stopping humanity getting to perfection, is because in the present they don't understand, they have to make a choice and they have to make a change. Right. For example, with me, if I didn't understand my past, which I explained to you, if I in the present didn't make a change and make a choice at that specific time, I could never completely know myself and understand that there is no I. Um and the present is the most important thing because the present is your future. So to break the barrier of all conflict in life, of in existence in living, we must now make a serious choice and change. This is now about are we gonna stay in conflict or are we gonna free ourselves from conflict? It's that simple. That's exactly what it means. The future is perfection, the past is the imperfection, but the thing is, they're both are one, they're both connected as one. It's the perfection isn't separate from the imperfection, they're both one because they're both the opposites that make you a complete being. This is why it's very important to live with your imperfections because once you've lived with your imperfections, you reach perfection. And the main thing of this message is to basically say if anyone's really listening to what I'm saying, understand the videos that I've made. Is that you can change your life from conflict into no conflict, it is possible. I am living proof of that. I am living proof it's possible, and the main essence is know I, which basically means knowing yourself, which basically means completely knowing yourself a hundred percent. That means there's no contradiction, there's no anything that could disrupt your knowledge and wisdom of it. And the truth is, if we don't completely know ourselves as human beings, we'll never be free, we'll never have love, and we'll never have peace. So we must all now, as human beings, find a way to live life without conflict, and the only way we can do that is to know ourselves, and this is a journey that everyone has to take by themselves. But as one, we can come together and sit here and find the way to solve these conflicts all around the world, but all of our conflicts are different. That is why the revolution is now, and the revolution is imperfection equals perfection. We all are on this journey and we all are on this path, and we now must all come together and solve this millions and millions and millions of years in conflict once and for all. Because once we've understand the imperfections completely and can live with it, we then reach perfection. That means there'll be no more wars, no more battlings, no more hurt, no more pain, no more loss, no more grief, no more image, no more attachment to nothing. It means you're completely a reborn person and you're completely a spiritual perfection of self, which basically means knowing yourself, which basically means knowing you're a part of the whole universe, humanity, animals, and the universe. And this is the final message. The future basically means no I, which means you don't exist, which basically means knowing yourself, and in knowing yourself, the old you is completely gone, it's completely dead, it's completely forgotten because now you're in a new place, you're a completely new being, you are perfection, and the only way we can get to perfection is knowing ourselves a hundred percent. That is the truth. The only way this you can be your future self is to know yourself a hundred percent, which basically means knowing the goods and knowing the bads and living with both in harmony, and that's the truth. So, all have the coverage, all have the freedom, all have the love, all have the peace from the past and present and future, and you can do it.