Leadership, Belonging and Being Seen with Julie Parker

What if leadership isn't about having all the answers, but about having the courage to show up as your whole self?

In this conversation, Stephanie sits down with coach, author and founder of Beautiful You Coaching Academy, Julie Parker, to explore leadership, belonging and what it really means to be seen. Together, they reflect on self-trust, community, power, and the quiet courage it takes to stop performing who we think we should be and begin embracing who we already are.

Whether you lead a team, a community, a business, or simply your own life, this episode is an invitation to consider a different kind of leadership; one rooted in authenticity, connection and care.

About Julie Parker

Julie Parker is the Founder of The Beautiful You Coaching Academy and a mentor, counsellor, coach, supervisor, and guide for sacred leaders and space holders. She has trained thousands of life coaches from around the world and has had a thriving counselling and coaching practice for more than two decades. Julie has also inspired thousands of people as an in-demand speaker, is an international award winning published author and host of two top-ranking podcasts. As a devoted and practising priestess, Julie is committed to contributing to a world where presence, healing and social justice are honoured.

Connect with Julie

Website: www.juliesuzanneparker.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/julesyparker/
Beautiful You Coaching Academy: www.beautifulyoucoachingacademy.com

Thank you so much for listening.

If this conversation gave you hope, challenged your thinking, or left you with something to carry into your own life, I'd be so grateful if you subscribed, left a review, or shared this episode with someone who'd enjoy it too. It really helps more people discover these conversations.

If you'd like to bring a little more of the spirit of GLIMMERS into your own day-to-day, I've created a free gift for you: Your Glimmers Practice—a gentle 20-minute guided audio and reflection workbook to help you notice the moments of hope, beauty and possibility that are already around you.

You can download it for free at:
https://stephaniemackinnon.myflodesk.com/glimmers

And if you're longing for more support as you begin creating another way of being in your own life, I'd love to welcome you into ROOTED, my coaching and community space. You can find out more at:
https://stephaniemackinnon.com/rooted

Until next time, keep noticing the glimmers.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:37

All right, folks, I am so excited to have Julie Parker joining me today on the podcast. Julie is the founder of the Beautiful You Coaching Academy and a mentor, counselor, coach, supervisor, guide for sacred leaders and spaceholder. Sacred leaders and spaceholders. She has trained thousands of coaches from around the world, myself included, and has had a thriving counseling and coaching practice for more than two decades. Julie has also inspired thousands of people as an in-demand speaker, is an international award-winning published author, and host of two top-ranking podcasts. As a devoted and practicing priestess, Julie is committed to contributing to a world where presence, healing, and social justice are honored. Welcome, Julie. It's truly an honor to be in conversation with you again today.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Thank you so much for inviting me, Stephanie. I am thrilled to be here.

SPEAKER_02 1:49

So I was reminiscing a little bit with Julie before we started recording, and I have had the honor and the privilege of learning from Julie over the years, initially having trained with the Beautiful You Coaching Academy. And I don't know that I've ever shared this with you, Julie, but I still remember the very first conversation we had in 2019 when I was considering training with yourselves. So in that onboarding process, in that sales launch, you set up a number of like 15, 20 minute chats for people to ask questions. And you're not, you're like, of course I did.

SPEAKER_03 2:32

Yes, we still do those, but I don't recall these conversations.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

Looking forward to hearing your memories.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

And you know, it unfolded in a natural way, in many ways, for the first portion of it, answering the questions that I had, um, really speaking to any fears that I had. But it was the way you concluded the call that I will never forget and has become a cornerstone of how I hold space too. And you simply said, no, it's not a direct quote, but the sentiment is the same. I trust you will know what's best for you. There was no sales pitch. There was no pressure, there was no false urgency. And I can, I still feel it. It's one of those things you know, but it's a it's a thing that I always remember and feel. Wow. I am simply being honored and respected and invited to trust myself more than anyone else. And to me, that is such a simple but potent moment of the integrity in the way that you lead in an industry that doesn't always follow suit is the nicest way we'll put that today.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

Yes. Yes. I mean, we can get more into it by all means. But I'm more interested in the hopeful side of what could be than droning on about what we don't agree with.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

And I just think that um you've been like a guiding light, an anchor to continue to pave a path for so many of us in the coaching industry. But beyond that, um to like leadership up until I came to like, look, I've I've been lucky to have some other mentors in my life, but not in this industry, until I met you, that you weren't teaching us how to get ahead in a corrupt system. Because that is what so much of leadership is. How do we gain it under capitalism? How do we advance ourselves individually? How do we hoard resources? How do we exert power? And what you have consistently shown in your own actions, in your own vulnerability, in your own willingness to try new things, in your own willingness to put yourself out there is that another way is possible that isn't just about you. And unsurprisingly, that's where I'd love to take our conversation today. But also following your work, I know that you increasingly explicitly name this approach as being rooted in sacred leadership. So I'd love if you could share. I also know you have an entire recent podcast dedicated to what is sacred leadership. So if people want the really long answer, go find Julie's Priestess podcast and listen there as well. But um what is sacred leadership and why is it so important to this moment that we're living in right now?

SPEAKER_03 5:47

Oh my gosh, it is such a rich, big, and beautiful question. Huge, yeah. Sorry. And no, no, don't be sorry at all. Uh, firstly, though, I just want to say thank you for sharing that memory with me. And I know that it won't surprise you to know that that is how I conduct all those calls. Always have, still do, and always will. Finishing with some version of follow your heart, you know what's right for you, uh, if this is best for you, then I'll see you in class, kind of thing. And one of the things I'd like to share about that approach leading into sacred leadership is firstly and foremostly, Stephanie, that's what it means to hold also a trauma-informed space. Because any space that pushes someone, overrides someone's thoughts or feelings, or sets up any dynamic where you're more knowing or you're more powerful than they are, uh, is not trauma-informed. And therefore, there are a lot of people out there that are, I'm gonna be bold and say it, claiming that they are this and they're not, um, because any tactics like that mean that someone is not acting in a trauma-informed way. And yes, it does open up this pathway to sacred leadership and what that is. And so, in its simplest definition, sacred leadership, the way that I term it, because I specifically mentor and guide people in this space who are spaceholders. In other words, they're those people who are in service to others, right? They are counselors, coaches, guides, healers, facilitators, community change makers, team leaders, leaders. And it's the process of someone moving from being self-conditioned to self-authored. And what that means is someone going through the individual work, which then opens us up into more collective work, um, which I know we're going to talk about today. But this is where it begins: moving from being self-conditioned, where we are, you know, worried and beholden about what other people think of us all the time, where we people please, where we have lack of boundaries, where we uh try to be someone that we're not, which often we sometimes see in leadership, like we try to be more, there's more bravado, there's more exercise of you know inappropriate power, etc., all because we're trying to be seen and heard and respected. And the sacred leadership path asks someone to go on the journey from being those things, which by the way, we're all conditioned in very different ways, even if it's just from our childhood experiences, to being in a place of being self-authored, which means we are quite literally the leader of our own life. We make decisions from a place of soul and intuition, we respect ourselves and our own needs and desires, and as a result of that, we naturally then begin to emanate that kind of uh feeling and way of being towards others, and then when we get into the really transformational side of sacred leadership, it moves out of the individual and into the collective, where someone shifts into understanding that their life and their body of work, if they want to be a sacred leader, needs to be something that has significant impact uh in their own way, right? In their own way, uh for many, many more people outside of themselves. But to reach that point where that is happening in a way that is ethical and just and anti-capitalist, anti-racist, incredibly communally focused, and not just power over traditional hierarchical leadership that still may have an impact on people, but not the sacred kind. That individual journey first is necessary because someone can't reach that community collective impact in a sacred way unless they've done that inner work.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Such an important, like I literally wrote in huge block capitals on the piece of paper in front of me, the relationship between the individual and the collective, and that beautiful importance of starting with the self. And I think for some folks who I know I've supported over the years, they feel that that shift back to the self and the focus of it may actually be selfish in some ways. And I know in so many ways, especially those of us conditioned as young women in the world, as girls, um, are taught to pay attention to everybody else before ourselves. And I think that this shift is actually quite radical of like we must start from a place of respecting ourselves before we can move outward.

SPEAKER_03 11:32

Absolutely. And I really understand that that's a form of conditioning, right? That that is a belief system, a mindset, it's a form of conditioning that those of us who identify as girls and women can very, very easily take on board. Very easily. I also understand as well that for people who have big communal hearts, anti-capitalist hearts, and are doing community-driven work, it's like, no, no, no, no, this is not about me. This is about everyone, this is about the collective. And to a certain extent, I absolutely understand that perspective as well, because there is truth in that. And we have become, unlike in the times of our ancestors, no matter what race, religion, culture, familial ties we come from, have shifted from being a very community cultural focused uh human beings into being very individualistic ones. And that has made us, you know, modern living has made us in some circumstances very individually focused. Me, me, me, you know, that kind of thing. And so I get this, right? There is a spectrum here. But the path of sacred leadership really helps us to understand that if you don't get your own shiz sorted, like inside yourself, and essentially do the work, like what everyone talks about as the work, this is what I see that as. When things don't go well and you're not confident enough to handle that, when you meet opposition and you fold because you don't have the strength of your convictions, when you start to overgive, because you get sucked in and you don't have your own boundaries and your own perspective and your own self shored up to be able to do that. Because leadership is no joke, like once it reaches a particular pinnacle and you start having a bigger and bigger impact, that's a beautiful and wonderful thing, and it can also be a harder and more challenging thing. People will expect more of you, you will be criticized more, you will be held to higher account, and you better make sure that you're good with you before that begins to happen. Otherwise, this is where people give up, and we don't want heart-centered sacred people to give up.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_02 14:45

I think one of the things that often stands out for me is the capacity to hold complexity with an open heart.

SPEAKER_03 14:52

Like this is a huge part of this path. Yeah. Holding paradox as a sacred leader, understanding that there are many truths, living and leading from a place of being non-binary, humble, like working on what true humility means to you, the fact that we can be wrong at at any second, any moment. And what you do about that, that is a huge part of this path.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

Yeah. I'm I'm wondering if it it may feel helpful to even name.

SPEAKER_02 15:33

Look, we're not going to people listening to us today, it's not gonna hold your hand through doing all of the work. But if someone is in that moment of like, oh, things definitely feel a little shaky for me, the idea of being in a leadership role and and having some of those expectations come back, I don't necessarily feel as rooted as I would like to be able to step out. Um I appreciate this question, it's also tough because it's gonna be so different for every person. But where do you invite folks to begin with this if it feels a little shakier out of reach?

SPEAKER_03 16:46

Yeah, you are right that this is one that could go in many different directions. But let me just go with the first one that is coming to mind. It's quite top of mind for me at the moment because I'm doing a lot of work in this particular space in sacred leadership. Is that one of the things that I know for any person that wants to be uh a leader and have a true impact in their field and area of passion is that that will mean that you either want to be seen more and be more visible, or you will come to the understanding that you have to be. And this is something that can bring up a lot of stuff for people, right? And we now have a window into each other's lives through things like the internet, social media, and the like, more so than ever before. And that means that we can see triumphs and joys, and we can also see massive downfalls and people being critiqued and criticized, and that can bring up a lot of fears for people around these kinds of things. And so, one of the things where I think it can be incredibly helpful to focus on and it requires deeper level work, is that I do notice that a lot of people, despite all those things, they go, yes, yes, yes, I want to be more seen, I want to be more visible, I want people to see me and know me and essentially pick me to work with or to be a part of things. But they have these underlying fears, and one of the things that I say to them is necessary is well, how seen are you by you? Right? You're wanting and asking other people to see you, but how much do you see the fullness of you? Or are you just seeing and approving and okay with the version of you that's on social media, or you want others to see, or you think is palatable. Because if that's the only part of you that you're seeing, you will only ever be seen by others to a certain extent. And again, we reach a ceiling. And so if you want to be truly seen, you are going to have to have the courage to look at the parts of yourself that don't want to be seen or you don't want others to see. Now, that doesn't mean that you show everyone everything about you. Please don't. I don't, right? That's not what this is about. But what I'm talking about is those parts of you that you know in some ways are coming up as patterns and edges for you around things such as comparison, jealousy, bitterness about other people's success, your fear of not being picked and not being liked. You have to see and honor and work on those parts of yourself. If you have to see yourself first if you want to be seen. That's an example of the work.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

I feel like that in and of itself was a masterclass for folks. Like we can cut it here, just re-listen to that part three times until you find the thing that you need to look at in the mirror. Um, I can feel my own palms sweating. It's like, do I want to be seen in anything?

SPEAKER_03 20:48

And but here's the beautiful thing, right? Let me let me let me wrap this up joyously for everybody. Right? Because while this work is not necessarily easy and nobody ever said it was, this is this is not for everybody. Right. And it's here's the thing, it's not meant to be. Right? It's it's not for everybody. It's only for the path of sacred leadership is only for people that look at that and literally their palms sweat and their heart leaps. That combination of whoa, right? Okay, I this is I I get this now. This is this is for me. Um the uh beautiful thing about it is that when you do work like that, you will see yourself and honor yourself and develop a relationship with yourself that will be stronger and richer and deeper than anything that you have ever felt before. And as a result of that, so many different things that you will have had fears, doubts, and concerns about will significantly dissipate or even be released altogether. And what that then does is allow you to leap into so many things that previously you would never have done. You will say things that you have longed and wanted to say and never really had the full grounding to do it. Because you will be backing yourself and knowing that you've got you no matter what happens. This is where we step into thought leadership. This is the inner work that then allows us to step into bigger spaces. It creates freedom, it allows us to be free. And that's where sacred leaders get ignited.

SPEAKER_02 22:53

Oh, I just want to bottle the feeling up of even just listening to that description. It's like, can I have it in my tea in the morning?

SPEAKER_00 23:03

Can I just report to the number thing? Oh, absolutely. I do. We all do. All of us.

SPEAKER_02 23:11

Me too. Yeah. And I think that's part of what I'm curious about. Um, more of your own journey, I think, to what some of the moments of um yeah. Well, before I even go there, I think what I want to name is just like what you just described. The word that continues to come back to me is expansive. It's like there's these boxes of what we thought is possible. And isn't it beautiful to have your finger on the pulse or your like connection into something in a world that makes us feel so small and so isolated and challenges us over and over again to fit into teeny tiny little boxes to be understood, to have a way of thinking, a way of being, a way of leading that is demonstrated to us that blows all of those wide open. Does it ask so much of folks again and again and again? Um, of course. Um because I think as someone who's doing my own version of the work, like I'm sure many other folks are who are listening. Um I think one of the examples that's been given to me recently that feels really helpful is actually the idea of walking a spiral. So instead of um, folks always really tend to beat themselves up when they come back to something that they feel they've learned before. But the reality is we're never coming back as the exact same person. There's another level of deepening available, there's another level of learning available. And to embrace that consistently with humility, I find such an incredibly expansive experience because as we meet those moments, in the words that you so eloquently just described, the horizons open for us of what's possible. And the fact that we get to continue to do that and to feel connected to that again in a world that is minimizing and isolating is it just feels like such a counterbalance. So, or or an option of hope. And I think that that is part of what I'm really curious about with yourself, Julie, is this how do you stay connected to these visions of better for yourself, for the world, um, while still holding and staying anchored to the realities of what's unfolding around us in this horrific historical moment, but not being brought down by them. Does that yeah?

SPEAKER_03 25:48

Look, the number one way it's always been this way for me, and I do not necessarily imagine a time in my future where it will be different, and that is being in communion and relationship and community with people. That that is where I give hope and get hope, is being around like-minded people, you know. If I could teleport all of us, you know, including you and me, you know, into a room together with all of our, you know, most favorite and values-aligned folks, and we had a way to be able to do that on the regular, that would be just so wonderful. And I'm so grateful to the online world for allowing us to be able to connect even in the way that we're doing now. But I am an in-person gal, there is no question about that with me, but that's where it is for me, you know, at a local level and again online as well, is just surrounding myself hugely with vannies-aligned, hopeful people doing brilliant, beautiful work uh in so many different ways. And when I say work, that could be work that's everything from raising fantastic kids, you know, to be brilliant human beings. Um, shout out in particular to all the mums and dads out there trying to raise boys at the moment in this world, you know, to be better than some of the men that we are seeing at the moment and the toxic traits and leaderships, leadership styles and ways of being, you know, wow. It's just frightening. And we're and we're living through this, you know, at the moment, the impact of it we're experiencing right now, and the fallout of it will be for generations to come. And that's it for me. It's just, oh gosh, you know, being in community with really amazing people, that's that's the main thing. It's that's the thing that gives me the biggest hope and where I feel I'm able to offer hope too.

SPEAKER_02 28:22

Absolutely. And I uh thank you so much for sharing that. And I I couldn't agree more, you know. I think it sounds so simple, but it isn't sometimes. Like we really do need to prioritize that to the best of our abilities. It's so quick to put, it's so easy to put connection in a uh a time scarce world. Um, at the bottom of a to-do list, um there's a lot of things demanding our attention and making connection can often, if we're out of the habit of it, especially post-pandemic times, it can feel like more work, but it it is, it is and it isn't, because some it does demand our input in a way. It doesn't just happen, but um the value of it, while perhaps not measured uh as valuable on an economic scale, which is what we've taught, been taught value is, um is extraordinary. Like absolutely yeah, yeah, it absolutely I'm curious if there's edges you have been pulled toward, nudged into in your own growth journey around your sacred leadership uh recently that you might be willing to speak to us about today, Julie.

SPEAKER_03 30:03

I would love to speak to this because I think it's it makes things like this that we're talking about more real. And so for me, Stephanie, it's I don't know whether I would necessarily term it recently, but the the biggest thing that I've had to work on, the biggest work that I've had to do in this uh journey of becoming less self-conditioned and more self-authored and leading in my own life is around people pleasing. And all of the offshoots of that, which can include everything from overgiving to perfectionism to poor boundaries. And it was not until I'm you know I'm in my 50s now, and it was really not until I was in my late 20s to even early 30s that I started to recognize I had a significant problem with this. Uh, and it showed up for me firstly in intimate relationships where if things weren't going well in those, um that I would begin to morph and change and try to please the other person, essentially in an attempt to get them to see me more or even stay. And when someone didn't stay, after a long-term relationship ended, I was essentially the classic definition of heartbroken. I became depressed, overwhelmed, anxious, I wasn't doing my job at the time very well, and I basically at the therapist needed therapy. And it was only when I began that process of healing for myself and recognizing that there was some childhood tending here around this area of my life, and both feeling and actually being abandoned by a parent, uh, that I realized that a lot of my life was operating from a place of as long as you like me and as long as I'm okay to you, everything will be fine, and we will be okay here. And so I need to make sure that happens. I need to make sure that I give you, do for you, and for you anything you need me to be for that to remain the status quo. So nothing gets upset here. You're not gonna leave me, or there's going to be no conflict, or there's gonna be no issues here, and everything will be fine. Well, of course, you and everyone listening will know that the shelf life of living like that is well, it can go on for years, unhappily, and not even necessarily realize it. But that was basically the big thing that I had to work on. And so over many years now, you know, I have had to uh basically look at those parts of myself that I didn't want to see and didn't even really fully recognize, and learn to please me first. Learn to understand who I was, learn to understand that no matter what sort of person I am, not everybody will like me. This was revelatory for me because from a conditioned perspective, we are taught, especially as little girls, now if you're just a nice girl, everyone will like you. Now, nobody necessarily ever outright said that, but that's the message that we get from society all the time. If you are just kind enough, sweet enough, giving enough, pleasing enough, and throw in there attractive enough as well, then your life will be peachy. Everything will be okay if you can get those things down. Except, of course, we know that we end up living a lie so often because we're living for others and not ourselves. So this has been a big part. And you know what, Stephanie? I'm gonna say that in early stages and days as well, it was a big part of working with clients too, as a spaceholder specifically. It's like being, I've had to learn to be unafraid, to tell the truth, to let go of thinking about things like, does she like me? Does he think I'm doing it right? Are they okay with me? And instead just be more grounded in my own presence and allowing someone to have those thoughts or opinions themselves, if that's what they're there for, and to turn up and do my job. And I can't do my job well if that's the record that's running through my head. And so I need to sort that out. Pulling back on overgiving, overdoing, rescuing clients, thinking that that's what they wanted and needed and would be helpful for them, and instead coming to the understanding, Julie, this is about you. You're doing this because you want them to be okay with you, and you need to pull that right up. And I have, and I do, and it does not mean that things in this area don't rise for me every now and again, particularly when there's conflict. I am still not someone who loves conflict of any kind in any part of my life. I still have to work on that. Uh, but I'm so much better now than what I was. This has been a really significant part of my sacred leadership journey.

SPEAKER_02 36:19

Thank you. Thank you for sharing such an honest, vulnerable piece of it, one that's been with you for a good few years now. And I know I can really relate to parts of it myself. So I'm sure many folks listening can as well. I, with my own beautiful therapist, at one point she said to me very bluntly, you know, you're not responsible for the emotions of those around you. And I was like, What? Really? Even just it sounds so obvious to hear it, but to be pushed in such a succinct phrase that I now often have to repeat to myself in certain moments, I cannot control and I am not responsible for the emotions of those around me. Um is shockingly revelatory.

SPEAKER_03 37:16

It sure is. Yeah, because again, this is part of the conditioning and messaging that we go. We we are taught as little girls and women that if someone's not okay, you need to help them fix that.

SPEAKER_02 37:29

You need you need to fix that to pave the path so that it's easy for them, no bumps in the road. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 37:38

Yes, you need to sort that out. And it's like, well, hang on a second here. Since really, I do, and so this is where now, of course, we must be in positive communion and relationship with people and take responsibility for anything that we may have done wrong. But what's happened with this belief and this conditioning for so many of us is that it has shot way out of control to the point where we believe that we should be way, way more responsible for so many things around us than we actually are. And it's literally killing us. It's burning us out, it's stressing us out, it's causing us to worry and have anxieties about so many different people and things that simply are not our business.

SPEAKER_02 38:40

To put it frankly, big time. And I think to pull it back into the connection to community, not necessarily as a leader, because I think, well, many folks listening may have that hope and may have felt that sweaty palm feeling when you were talking about sacred leadership like I did. I do think that um these self-reflective moments, these letting go of this conditioning is deeply important, whatever it is you're letting go of in any relationship you're in. And I know you'll agree with me. So one of the things that I have increasingly known to be true in my own relationships, and I don't just mean romantic partnerships, I think it's so important for us to refer to those of us who are our friends, those of us who are in our communities. All of them are relationships that deserve time and attention as well. Um but the more comfortable we are with ourselves, the less we're overgiving, the more you can come to a place of trust. So the thing that I, yeah, the thing that I have found so beautiful is some of my closest friendships. And some of you will know this, some of you won't. I am from Canada originally, but live on the West Coast of Ireland. So in the last 10 years, I've basically reformed friend groups entirely, like making friends as an adult, no joke. But the a gift and a challenge in so many ways. You get to show up exactly how you want, and it's work. Um, they're not just there because they've always been there. Um, but the thing that a number of us have explicitly said to each other, my close relationships here is I love, well, I love you, we also say to each other, which I appreciate, but I love that I know what you're thinking. I love that I trust you to tell me what you need. So the amount of emotional energy that is all of a sudden just like removed from our interactions because they know that I will ask for what I need, and I know that they will ask for what they need means that we're showing up, not trying to fix one another or anticipate the unspoken, but we just get to be human with each other. And it's such a gift.

SPEAKER_03 41:04

Yes, yes, it's beautiful. That is an amazing way of you know that that that's sacredness in relationships there. That is where you know, two people, no matter what the relationship is, are coming together in a very whole way, right? We are all whole and also all healing, right?

SPEAKER_00 41:35

Yes, we are all whole and we are all healing. So it's like we need to repeat that one, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:42

Yeah, so we bring into all relationships and spaces our wholeness, but also our wounds, right? And essentially what you're describing there is is just this full permission giving of, you know, I want you to be your whole full self here with me. I'm not gonna make any assumptions about what you need, what's going on for you, overdoing it, all of that sort of stuff. I want you to speak that openly and to know that you can if you need to in any form. And that is open-hearted, incredibly trauma-informed, responsive, personalized, amazing communication between people that allows people to grow together. And again, that's the work. And see, when communities can do that, and when groups of people can do that, then huge change can be initiated.

SPEAKER_02 42:52

Huge change. It's a foundation though, of trust, of connection, of authentic relationship. And yeah, it's it's where we build from.

unknown 43:04

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 43:05

I think a really silly example of this that I I hope folks can relate to that I keep like keeps popping into my head, is like even if I live in a very small town, so it's not uncommon, and I I I've made it this way that friends feel they can um just pop in if they're coming by. We live right by the main car park, the main parking lot um for the town. So if they're in getting their shopping, if they're doing whatever, it's not uncommon to get a message and people will come in. Um I, if they come in and I've said yes, that's fine, I will let folks know like I have to go do something else now. Like, I'm not just going to like my our time is over, like very clearly communicated in a loving, in a thoughtful, but in a in a clear and transparent way. So I there's one friend that's always like, it's great. I never worry that I'm overstaying a welcome. I never worry that um you don't want me. Like all of these silly little thoughts that come up. And I know it it might seem quite trivial or quite ridiculous to even mention, but I just I wanted folks to be able to like hold a really specific example of how simple it actually can be. So it's not that we need to write group agreements with our friend group. I mean, like, if you really want to, by all means go for it. But like it doesn't have to be that formalized. It's more of the like, what's one baby step I can take and actually naming what I want for myself and seeing how that's received.

SPEAKER_03 44:43

Yeah. And so much of this comes back, Stephanie, to being clear. To knowing what you want first so that you can being honest and clear, right? About your needs and you know what is taking place. Because so much conditioning grows. For all of us as human beings, both individually and in families and in friendship groups and wider, when things are left unsaid, they're uncleared, unclear, they're unboundied, right? And so what ends up happening is that is when our inner critics, our egos, our little self, our unsure selves take over. And we start to make because we're trying to create safety for ourselves. Of course. So what or the safety is a bit in question. And so what we do is we start to make assumptions. It's like, okay, she doesn't like me. Or something's going on here that's wrong and very indifferent because it's unclear. So one of the most significant pathways to creating really sacred, amazing, leadership-fueled relationships, connections, communities, is just being straight up in all honesty. It's just being clear, right? Around these are my needs, these are my expectations, or this is what is okay here, and this is what is not okay here. And the golden rule always is come as you are. I love you and accept you for who you are. You do not need to change for me. You do not need to be, you know, because once you're in that visit, that's it, you know, because anyone that does will you would step away from that relationship. Once you reach this level of leaving and being, you know then that you are over.

SPEAKER_02 46:44

Yeah. And I love the come as you are as a it's one of my favorite invitations to folks. It's one of my favorite reminders. Like, you are exactly who you need to be in this moment. You are welcome exactly as you are. One of my favorite things to say to some of my closest friends who I can see are maybe in a wobble sometimes is you're stuck with me. Like I know you enough already. Like there's not we're gonna repair anything if it gets wobbly here. Like, we're gonna, for the long haul, you're stuck with me. So don't worry. Julie, we have beautifully covered so much here. We looked at the the bigger influence of um sacred leadership on the collective, but also really pulling it back down to like what is it that folks need to do before they can even think about that? Um, to come back to themselves over and over again, um, to look in the mirror, to check their close relationships, to be held in community. Um, I'm so grateful for what you've shared. Is there anything else before we wrap up our chat today that you really hoped we would get to, or a little seed you'd like to share with the folks listening?

SPEAKER_03 48:03

Uh, just the seed, Stephanie, that comes to mind is to let everybody listening know that you are so worthy of doing this work. And even just saying the word work makes me a little bit because it makes it sound so hard or it makes it because work is not necessarily always something that we know people love. That yes, there are people out there doing work they love, but there's also a lot of people doing work they don't love and are being mistreated as they're doing it. But this is beautiful work, it's work that is not just for you, it's for us all. This is humanity work, the work that you do to feel more connected to your truest, truest essence and going on that journey out of being so beholdened and conditioned to all the the systems uh that uh want us to not be in our fullest and most expressive self to reaching a place where you are that and then knowing that the work continues, it's not a destination, but you do know when you are moving through this journey because you feel different. There is a confidence and an aliveness and a generosity and a freedom that comes through in how you express yourself and how you live and how you serve, and the result of that then is you have such greater impact, you lead in more significant and powerful ways for us all.

SPEAKER_01 49:57

Thank you. Thank you so, so much, Julie.

SPEAKER_02 50:00

If folks want to find more of your work, I will certainly link it. But is there anything you wanted to shout out before we wrap up here today?

SPEAKER_03 50:10

No, people but people will find me.

SPEAKER_02 50:13

They'll find you.

unknown 50:14

They'll find me.

SPEAKER_03 50:15

So let's finish this up as we began with your memory. It's like if you want to find me, you'll be able to do that.

SPEAKER_02 50:23

You'll trust they find you. Gorgeous. Thank you so so much, Julie.

SPEAKER_03 50:27

It's a pleasure.