Aloha! Mountville...

Maui to Mountville....another to add to the list

* Names and location have been changed...mostly.  The stories, unfortunately, have not.

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Thanks for tuning in to apparently I'm the punchline, season two. Okay, so we were heading to Florida with the boys, and we needed to kennel George, and someone recommended this couple that lived just outside of town in the country that had a bunch of acreage and um started a kennel, and they were newer to town. Mm-hmm. So we went out to check the facilities, and it was lovely. I mean, they had like two creeks, lots, lots of space for George to get his exercise in and everything, and the couple was lovely. So we came inside their home, and I'm looking around, and it's literally stark white and sparse. And there were white sheets over everything, all the furniture, like it was just like a sea of white, okay? Now, granted, they candled dogs, so and the dogs could sleep anywhere in the home, so maybe that's why. But it looked weird. Here's the other thing. No refrigerator magnets, no photos, nothing hung on the walls, no chotchkis for God's sakes, nothing, nada. So I asked them. I heard you're newer to town. I just cut to the chase this time because I'm not even gonna ask them how they found out about us in Mountville. Mountville, whatever. I just said, I know you're newer to town and and where did you move from? And they said Maui Maui. Well, Aloha to you. Who moves from Maui to Mountville? Who? Mm-hmm. That's right. Exactly. And when they told us their last name, he was Italian. And I don't know what she was, but that was their married name. You know, whatever the his name. And he has a tomato garden and stuff, like he grows and makes sauces. I don't even know what. But I'm thinking that doesn't even sound Italian to me. Look, I'm Greek, okay? I don't know Italian, but I have Italian friends. And I'm like, this is the weirdest Italian name I've ever heard. What do you think of this name? And they're like, that's not even Italian, that's like a made-up Italian name. I'm like, I know exactly. It's a made-up Italian name. Like it's not real. Thank God someone believes in me. So we left George, and before we got in the car, she said, Oh, I wanted to run by you one thing. Um, every morning I make the dogs poached quail eggs and homemade dog biscuits. Mm-hmm. Is that okay? Sure. Sounds great. Oh my god, I can't even make this shit up. We get to Florida and we're like a little ways into our vacation, and the boys are really missing George. And I said, Well, you know what? When we get in from the beach, let's we'll give him a call and say hi. So we get in, call, and like, hi, this is Lori. Um, the boys are really missing George. Could we talk to him? And she said, Well, he's not here right now. Oh. Well, he's out playing in the creeks with the other dogs. And I said, Oh, well, that's okay. You know, we can call back. What would be a good time? And she said, Well, try back around four. I'm like, okay. So the boys were disappointed. I said, let's go back to the beach, look for shells, we'll come back, and then we'll call again. Okay. Come back in. It's after four, actually. So we call. And I'm like, hi, it's Lori again. Can we talk to George? And she said, well, sure. Okay. Um, this is pre-cell phone, okay, people. This would have been about the time cordless phones were coming around, but most people had a hard line and a long cord, okay? She said, he's under the kitchen table, and I'm gonna try and, you know, reach the phone towards him. So then she goes, Okay, that was our cue. So we're like, hi Georgie, hi Georgie, we miss you, we love you, like all this stuff. Okay. She gets back on the phone and I said, Does he miss us? Was he wagging his tail? And she goes, um, no, he didn't move at all. What did you just say to me? What did you just say to me? Um, excuse me, do you think you could stretch that cord a little farther and get that near his ear? Because if he hears us, he is going to respond. So she did. And we're like, hi Georgie, hi Georgie, you know, all that. She gets back on the phone and she said, Yeah, he did nothing again. Oh, oh my god. Oh my god. Okay. I just have to say that this was ruining my vacation totally, okay? I am thinking, who does she think she is? She could lie to us at least and say, oh, he's wagging his tail, he's like slobbering all over himself. And I would have been so happy to have heard that, okay? Just lie to me, okay? Now my vacation is ruined. My vacation is ruined. So I get off the phone and I'm like, Mike, Mike, well, I I don't even know what to do. We talk to George, and she said he didn't even move when he heard our voices. Didn't even move. And he goes, Oh my God, could could you please just try and relax and enjoy this vacation? And I'm like, how the hell am I supposed to enjoy this vacation when our dog is not even responding to us now? He's forgotten us. And he's like, Oh my god. So I wasn't gonna let this go. Nope. But I did wait a couple days. And I called back and I said, Hi, it's Lori again. And the boys really just want to talk to George. And she goes, Oh, okay, he's right here. And I'm like, oh, whoa, bonus. So the boys are like, Hi, George, hi George, and I'm like, Hi, Georgie, we love you, we're gonna be home soon, and all this stuff. She gets back on the phone and she says, I'm sorry. He just turned around and walked away. What what what did you just say? What did you just say to me? What bitch? I slammed that phone down. I am like, that's it, that's that's that that Mike, I can't even. You won't even believe what she did. You won't even believe what she did. She put the phone up to George. George, she said, George turned around and just walked away. Just walked away. I'm gonna tell you the situation. Because I know what's happened now. And I always go to that deepest, darkest place first, and I'll work my way back. And I'm like, George is dead. Okay, George is dead. Or they've run over him and injured him with some big ass piece of farm equipment like a combine. Or, better yet, the federal agents have come in and brainwashed him to be their dog now. I had to end this vacation early. I I couldn't even, I couldn't even concentrate, I couldn't enjoy myself. The boys were upset that George was walking away from the phone. Like, couldn't she have just said, oh, he's so happy, you know, like that he's talking to you. Whatever. We pick him up, get him home, and that first day he is moping, moping, moping, just moping around. And I got tired of it, and I finally said to him, Look, you need to get over yourself. Because I am not making poach quail eggs and homemade dog biscuits every day. And the sooner you realize that, the better off you'll be. Well, the next day there's a knock at the door. Knock knock, ding dong, ding dong, knock, knock. I'm like, I'm coming. I get to the door. And it's the kennel lady with the fake Italian name. And she's holding a bag of homemade dog biscuits. And she says to me, We're really missing George. I made him his favorite homemade biscuits. Do you think I could see him and give them to him? I can't even make this shit up. I said I'm sorry, but he's busy right now. But I'll be sure to give him these thank you slam the door. Bitch. These people keep coming out of the woodwork, moving from where God knows where. And the plot continues to thicken out the mistake.