Flying Benny

Reiki session gone wild.

* Names and location have been changed...mostly.  The stories, unfortunately, have not.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:07

Thanks for tuning in to Apparently I'm the Punchline, Season Two. Okay, so I'm gonna take a little sidestep for this episode and reveal something about myself that most of you are probably not aware of, and that is I am a Reiki master and medium. Namaste people. No, this is not going to be one of those podcasts, so do not change the channel. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And thought it would be fun to share that story. So after I had trained and um was asked to become a master, I said to Mike, Mike, I think I know what my calling is now. I I this is what I need to be doing. Okay, I need to be helping people heal and you know, yada yada. And I need to find space and all this. And I did, I did find space across the street from the bank. But of course I asked Mike, and I'm like, honey, like, this is like perfect location for me. And I I'm not gonna do it, not gonna sign the lease or anything unless, you know, you know, I don't want you getting in trouble with the board because they're gonna probably come at you and like, we gotta talk to you about your wife again and all that stuff. But and he just stopped me mid-sentence and he said, You do you let me worry about the board. God, I love that man. Anyway, I hung my sign, and the minute I hung my sign, I was like, What the fuck have I done? What have I done? Oh my god. And I do have to tell you that the people in town that I ne I thought would never come to me, never, were some of the first to come. It was an extremely humbling experience. So we go out to dinner that night with Kitty and her husband, and we're sitting there, and up walks a son of a family that is very well known in town. Very well known. And he proceeds to say he's supposed to be going elk hunting out west, and that their campsite or wherever you go to get these elk, they have to, I don't even know how far they have to travel on horseback and all this stuff. And he goes, you know, I had this issue with my back, I've had it forever, and it's it, it's at its almost worse now. And I I don't even know if I can go. And he's talking to the guys, and I'm half listening, and all of a sudden, Kitty says, Well, go see Lori. She'll heal you right up. Oh my god. I kicked Terstjan so hard. I think it was bruised for a month, and I didn't even care. I didn't even apologize. I'm like, what? He walked away, took, you know, has had my number, walked away, said he was gonna call me in the morning. I'm like, what? What are you thinking? I said, I'm just opened. I said, yeah, I've had clients in Columbus, but not here, okay? And I know I've trained for a really long time, but I haven't seen anyone here yet. And and this is my first one? You know, you know that if I don't do a good job, he's gonna go around town telling everyone I'm a quack. And given the status of his family in this community, I might as well just pack it up and take my sign with me and let the door hit my ass on the way out. Jesus! Oh so the next morning, I get up and trying to be all namaste, which FYI, I'm not a namaste person. I cuss, I drink, I couldn't be farther from namaste, but I also am a little namaste. Anyway, enough of that. So here's the thing. He called me and he said, When can I get in today? He must have known I had like absolutely no clients. And I said, How about one o'clock? He said, Fine, I'll see you then. It was, I think, 8 30 in the morning, okay? And I am like, well, I've got time, okay? I've got time. And I'm gonna sit down now, try and meditate. I'm gonna try and call upon all my spirit guides, all my guardian angels, all deceased loved ones, all orthopedic surgeons that are deceased, every stinking person to come help me with this healing today. So I'm talking to all of them and I'm like, look, if this is what you think I'm supposed to be doing, okay, then you better all be there front and center and take this pain away from him, okay? Because I'm gonna be hanging it up the minute I walk out that door after this appointment today, if he doesn't feel any better, okay? Thank you, Namaste. So I get to my studio and I'm like saging the room like three times. I'm I have my American Indian music on, I have my crystals out. I mean, I'm doing all of it, okay? Like at once. The vibration in this room could not have been any higher. All right. He comes in and I tell him Reiki is an ancient Japanese technique where we learn how to take energy that's around us. It comes through my crown chakra, through my heart chakra and hands, and with an extremely light touch, I give it to you. And then you do your own healing. I manipulate the energy, but you do your own healing. Now, I said, some people have different experiences with Reiki. Okay, so I don't really want to say, but I can tell you this. If you do feel something that's off, or it's something that I don't know, um feels uncomfortable or scares you, just tap my hand, okay? And you know, I'll reel it in. So I said, you're just gonna go into a really relaxed state, enjoy the music, enjoy the session. And then they all came. The room was packed. I I could barely move around the table, okay? Oh, so I do my thing, do my thing, okay? Orthopedic surgeons were there too, uh-huh. And I'm done. And I had told him that when I would be finished, I'd be shaking his shoulder and bringing his awareness back into the room. So I shook his shoulder and I said, Benny, Benny, it's time to bring your awareness back into the room. Slowly bring your awareness back in the room and slowly, slowly open your eyes. Nothing. Nothing. Okay, okay. He's really relaxed. So now I'm really shaking him like, Benny, Benny, bring your awareness back into the room. And slowly open your eyes, and then I clanged my singing bowl a couple times. Fuck. Nothing. Oh my god, nothing. Now I put my finger under his nose. I I knew he wasn't dead, but I was just checking, just checking. And I'm like, oh dear God. And then, and then telepathically, I let all my spirit guides, everybody have it, and I said, Thank you very much. Now look what you did. Now look what you did. And you know what? They all left. They all left me there. And I deserved it. I deserved it. I really did. And I'm like, well, now what the hell am I supposed to do? Well, all of a sudden, he brings his back up off of that table with this loud snort. And he goes, Where the fuck did I go? Where the fuck was I? I was flying. I was flying. It was wonderful. I don't know where I was, but it was wonderful.

unknown 10:46

Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

So I am like, okay, okay. Benny, I'm gonna get the tuning fork right now. You were on the table, you've never left the room. It was fucking amazing! I feel amazing. Okay, I'm gonna get the tuning fork. Here's a bottle of water, start sipping it slowly. Okay, we need to ground you a little bit. Alright. Do the tuning fork up his spine. Nothing. He's still like, were there people here? I swore there were people talking to me, like lots of people. I think my grandmother was here. I don't know. And I go, uh okay, Benny, um, you came, let's let's just change the subject a minute. You came for your lower back, all right? How is that feeling right now? How do you feel? And he goes, What back? I don't have a fucking back. I don't even think I have legs right now. I don't even know. I just feel fucking awesome. Oh god.

unknown 11:52

Oh god.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

I'm like, no. So I keep doing the tuning fork. I think he went through two bottles of water. I got him down as far as I could to get him able to drive, okay? And I am like, oh my god, oh my god. So he left and I went to the grocery store to pick up some things for dinner. And all of a sudden, I hear someone screaming at me. Lori! Hey! I'm still doing fucking awesome! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I go, that's great, Benny. Great. Be sure you're doing your water, okay? Be sure you drink your water.

unknown 12:39

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

Oh my god. I get home, I'm unloading the groceries in the driveway, and our home was across the street from his parents' home. But his parents were on the downside of the hill. We were on the upside. And I just happened to turn around and look, and he's down there talking to his mother, and he sees me. And he's like, hey, Lori, still doing fucking awesome. Look at this. Picks his mother up, who was not a small lady, okay? Not a small lady. And twirls her all around. Like he's on dancing with the stars. And I'm like, oh my god. Then puts her down. I just ran, I ran in the house. I just ran in the house. I ran in the house because I wanted no more. I wanted no part of this. Okay. Obviously, he was doing great. I should pat myself on the back and forget worrying about him. And so when I went in, I said, called everyone back in. And I'm like, look, I'm sorry I yelled at all of you. You know that I'm not very delicate in how I talk to all of you. So I just want to say I appreciate you and thank you. And Nama stayed with a mistake.