Episode 3: Your Grief is Holy

Episode 3 – Your Grief Is Holy

Description:
Trauma steals so much more than a single moment. It takes safety, innocence, time, relationships, and sometimes faith itself. In this episode, you’ll be invited to grieve those losses with God instead of stuffing them down or rushing to “get over it.” Through Scripture and guided reflection, Rev. Stormyee helps you see your tears as holy, your sadness as valid, and your lament as a powerful way to meet Jesus in the truth of what was taken from you.

Primary Scriptures for this episode (feel free to pause and look them up):

• John 11:1–44 – Jesus weeps at Lazarus’ tomb.
• Psalm 34:18 – The Lord close to the brokenhearted.
• Isaiah 61:1–3 – Beauty for ashes, comfort for all who mourn.
• Revelation 21:4 – God wiping every tear.
• Psalm 13 – A psalm of honest lament.

In our next episode, we’re going to talk about learning to trust again—not jumping straight into trusting everyone, but starting with God and then, over time, learning how to trust safe people in wise, incremental ways.

For now, take one more slow breath.
 Inhale… and exhale…

You are seen. Your grief is holy. And you don’t have to carry it alone.

With fierce love and unshakeable faith, 

I’m Rev. Stormyee, and this is Wholeness.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:25

Welcome to Holeness with Reference Dormy Edmondson. A space for healing, faith, and kingdom purpose. I'm Reference Dormy Edmondson, ordained minister, Christian life coach, and your companion on the journey from trauma to triumph. Here we talk about the real things: healing from pain, renewing the mind, building holy boundaries, growing in faith, and walking boldly in the colony God has placed in your life. Whether you're in a season of survival, restoration, or thriving, this is your reminder that God sees you. God is with you, and your story is not over. So take a deep breath, settle your heart, and listen for what the Lord wants to speak to you today. You are welcome here. You are seen, and you are being restored here. Primary scriptures for this episode, and feel free to pause to look them up, will be John chapter 11, verse 1 through 44. Jesus weeps at Lazarus' tomb. Isaiah chapter 61, verse 1 through 3, Beauty for Ashes, Comfort for all who mourn. Revelation chapter 21, verse 4, God wiping every tear. And Psalm 13, a psalm of honest lament. Hi friends, welcome back to wholeness with Reverend Stormy. If you've been walking with me through this series, we began in episode 1 by naming that what happened to you was real and wrong, and that God truly saw you in it. In episode 2, we talked about your body, how your nervous system learns survival, and how Jesus meets you in the storm inside. Today we're going to talk about something many trauma survivors never get permission to acknowledge. Grief. This episode is called Your Grief is Holy. We're going to look at the losses trauma creates, often in ways we don't recognize, how Jesus relates to grief, and a gentle guided exercise to begin grieving with Him and not alone. If you know this topic might be tender, give yourself permission right now to listen at your own pace. You can pause, come back later, or invite a trusted person to listen with you. Our goal is not to overwhelm your system, but to honor what you've lived through. Let's pray. Jesus, you are the man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. You know our losses better than we do. Would you walk with us into any grief you want us to touch today? Gently, kindly, and in a way that feels safe enough. Guard our hearts and our bodies as we talk. Let this be a space where tears are welcome, and numbness is not judged. Amen. Take a slow breath. You're not doing this alone. Segment one naming hidden grief When we talk about trauma, we often focus on what was done to us the abuse, the neglect, the chaos, the violence. That matters deeply. But trauma also leaves behind a long trail of losses, things you never received, seasons that were stolen, parts of yourself that had to go underground to survive. Some of those losses may look like the childhood you should have had but never did, parents or caregivers who were supposed to protect you but didn't, a sense of safety in your own body or your own home. Trust in people, in authority figures, maybe even in God. Milestones overshadowed by crisis, birthdays, holidays, graduations, years spent in survival mode, where you couldn't dream, play, or be carefree, the version of you that was more open, hopeful, spontaneous before trauma. Often no one names these losses with us. People say things like at least you made it. You turned out fine. Other people have had it worse. It's in the past now. So we learn to shrink our pain, to make it more palatable. We tell ourselves it wasn't that bad. I should be over this by now. I'm being dramatic if I still hurt. But your heart knows the truth. There were things you should have had that you didn't. There were things that were taken that never should have been touched. The gap between what should have been and what was that's grief. Grief isn't just for funerals, it's for every time something precious is lost. When we refuse to acknowledge that grief, it doesn't disappear. It just goes underground, showing up as fatigue, irritability, numbness, or a heaviness we can't explain. Today I want you to hear this your grief, it matters to God. Segment two Jesus and Grief The Story of Lazarus If you like following along, you can later read John chapter eleven verses one through forty four. Lazarus is a close friend of Jesus. When Lazarus gets sick, his sisters Mary and Martha send word to Jesus Lord, the one you love is sick. By the time Jesus arrives in their town, Lazarus has already died. Mary and Martha are grieving, confused and disappointed. Both of them say in different moments, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. That's honest. That's raw. That's basically the equivalent of where were you? Why didn't you stop this? Jesus doesn't shut them down. He doesn't say watch your tone, ladies. Don't you know I have a plan? He lets them bring their pain and their questions. Then, standing in front of Lazarus' tomb, knowing full well he is about to raise Lazarus from the dead, Scripture gives us one of the shortest and most powerful verses in the Bible. Jesus wept. He wept, knowing resurrection was coming. He still entered into the pain of that moment. He did not bypass the grief. If Jesus does not skip over grief, even when he holds resurrection power in his hands, you do not have to skip it either. You do not have to spiritually fast forward to the end of the story. You are allowed to stop and cry over what was lost. Psalm chapter thirty four eighteen reminds us again The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. God doesn't avoid broken hearts. He draws near to them. Segment three. Jesus speaks to your grief. If it feels safe, let these words land as if Jesus is speaking directly to you. You don't have to feel anything specific. Just listen. My child, your grief is not an inconvenience to me. I saw every birthday that went uncelebrated, every holiday ruined by fighting or fear. I saw the nights you cried yourself to sleep. The moments you disassociated to survive The times you pretended to be okay, so no one would be alarmed. I saw the parent who was too consumed by their own pain to care for yours. I saw the trust that was shattered when someone you should have been safe with became a source of danger. I saw the years that were stolen by chaos, addiction, mental illness or abuse. None of that was my will for you, and none of it is too small for me. I don't ask you to be strong for me. I invite you to tell me the truth about what you lost. Your tears do not scare me. Your anger does not scare me. Your numbness does not disappoint me. Your grief is holy because it agrees with my heart that what happened to you was wrong, and that you were made for more. Take a slow breath in and out. Notice even gently what's happening in your body. Do you feel heaviness? Tightness, numbness, tears, a blankness? Whatever's there, just notice it without judging it. Segment four grief and your nervous system. Let's connect this with what we've talked about in episode two, your nervous system. Grief is not just an emotion, it's a whole body experience. It can look like a heavy chest or a lump in your throat, fatigue that makes everything feel harder, brain fog or trouble concentrating, stomach aches or tension headaches, tears that come easily, or even the inability to cry at all, a sense of I'm so tired that goes deeper than sleep. If you notice that you feel nothing when we talk about this, that doesn't mean that you're cold or that you don't care. Often that numbness is your nervous system's way of protecting you from being flooded. It's like a breaker switch on a house. When too much current runs through the breaker, flips. It flips off to prevent a fire. In the same way, sometimes your nervous system says too much and it temporarily shuts down feeling. So if you notice numbness, instead of shaming yourself, you can say thank you, body, for trying to protect me. Jesus, help me feel what's safe to feel when it's safe to feel it. We do not force grief, we invite it with Jesus at a pace that's kind to your nervous system. Segment five a guided grief exercise one loss at a time. We're going to do a gentle exercise together. If at any point it feels like too much, you have full permission to pause. Take a breath and come back later. You are in charge of your pace. If you're able, find a posture that feels supported. Sitting with your back against the chair, feet on the floor, or lying down. Take a slow breath in through your nose. And out through your mouth. Now I want you to picture a place where you feel relatively safe. It might be a chair, a quiet room, a porch, a spot in nature, or even some sanctuary that you remember. There's no right or wrong. Just somewhere that feels a bit more peaceful. In your mind, imagine Jesus sitting nearby in that space. He isn't far away. And he's not in a hurry. He's simply there, present, attentive, and kind. Instead of trying to look at all of your losses at once, we're going to gently let one come into frame. Maybe it's I never had a safe parent. I lost my childhood to survival. I lost the ability to feel safe in my own body. I lost years to depression, addiction, or chaos. I lost the relationship I thought I'd always have. Whatever it is, just let one loss rise to the surface. You don't have to say it out loud. But if you can, put it into a simple sentence in your mind. Jesus, I lost. Notice how your body responds. If your throat tightens, your eyes burn, your chest aches. That is your body telling the truth with you. Now imagine Jesus looking at you with deep compassion. Not pity. Compassion. You might imagine him saying something like, I know. I saw that. You never should have had to go through that. I'm sorry that was taken from you. Let that sit for a minute. If words want to come, you can tell him more. Jesus, I needed and I didn't get it. I wish it had been different. It hurts that. If you feel anger toward God, you can be honest about that too. He already knows. Jesus, I don't understand why you didn't stop it. I feel like you were silent. It feels like you didn't protect me. He would rather have you be the real you than a version of you that pretends. Now take another breath. Now, as you sit with that one loss, if it feels okay, place a hand over your heart. Imagine Jesus placing his hand over yours. Not to silence your pain, but to share it. You might whisper, Jesus, this hurts. Or Jesus, I don't even know how to feel this, or simply be with me in this. We'll take a few quiet seconds here. When you're ready, gently bring your attention back to the room you're in. Notice the colors around you. The temperature of the air, the surface under your body. Maybe wiggle your fingers and toes. You did something very brave just now. You told the truth about one loss in the presence of Jesus. And that matters. Segment six Allowing Ongoing Grief. What we just did is not a one time event. Grief is usually not a check it off the list experience. It comes in waves. Sometimes a smell, a song, a holiday, or a life event will stir up grief you didn't know was still there. That does not mean you're going backwards. It often means your heart and body feel safe enough now to let another layer surface. Instead of being ambushed by grief, you can start to make intentional space for it. And that might look like setting aside ten to fifteen minutes once or twice a week to journal with Jesus about one loss, writing letters to your younger self acknowledging what they went through. Creating small sacred spaces by doing things like lighting a candle, taking a walk, or holding something soft while you talk to God about what hurts. Sharing a piece of your grief with a therapist, a pastor, or a safe friend. You're not wallowing, you're honoring. As you do this over time, you may notice the intensity of the grief starts to shift. It may never disappear completely, but it often becomes something you can carry with Jesus instead of feeling crushed under it alone. From my own journey, I can tell you there were seasons where grief felt like it would swallow me whole. I had to learn that letting myself cry or lament wasn't me losing faith. It was me bringing my whole honest self to God, a God who already knew the story. The more that I did that, the less I felt like I had to armor up in his presence. The more I could experience comfort instead of pretending. And that's what I desire for you. Segment seven Reflection Questions and Homework Here are some questions you can sit with this week. When you think about your story, what loss feels heaviest right now? How did your body respond during today's guided exercise? Tight, heavy, numb, tearful, distant, there are no wrong answers. When if at all did you sense Jesus' presence with you in that grief? Through an image, a phrase, a body sensation, or even just the decision to stay present. What messages did you receive growing up about crying or expressing sadness? For homework, choose one of these things. Option one, write a letter to your younger self. Pick an age that felt especially painful. Write a letter to that younger version of yourself. Name what it is that they went through. Name what they lost. Speak compassion over them. You deserved better. I'm sorry you went through that. If it feels right, invite Jesus to co-sign this letter with his love. Option two. Your own lament song. Use a simple pattern, many psalms follow. Honest complaint. God, this is what hurts. A request. This is what I need from you. And an expression of trust. Even so, this is what I'm choosing to believe about you. Option three. A grief check-in. Once or twice this week, set a timer for five to ten minutes and ask God, is there any grief you want me to sit with? Right now. Whatever comes up, just notice it and breathe. You don't have to fix it. Just let it be seen. You don't have to show any of this to anyone. This is about giving your heart a voice in the presence of a safe God. Segment 8. Our closing and preview. Friends, your grief is not too much for God. It is not a sign that you're failing at faith. It's part of telling the truth about the story you've lived so that you can make room for healing. Your tears or your lack of tears are noticed, honored, and held. In Revelation chapter 21, verse 4, it gives us a picture of where all of this is headed. A day when God will wipe every tear from our eyes. And there will be no more death. We're not there yet. But that future promise tells you something about his heart now. He is not indifferent to your sorrow. He is moving history toward a place where grief is no longer needed. Until that day, he sits with you in every wave. Let's pray. Jesus. Thank you that you do not shame our grief. I lift up every listener who's been carrying sorrow in silence. Give them permission to be honest. Where they have been told to just move on. Hold their hearts gently. Catch every tear. For the one who can't cry at all, hold the frozen places. For the one who feels undone by emotion, hold the overflowing places. Teach us to grieve with you. Not alone. And little by little, let our grief become a place of connection rather than isolation. In your name, Jesus. Amen. In our next episode, we're going to talk about learning to trust again. Not jumping straight into trusting everyone. But starting with God. And then over time, learning how to trust safe people in wise and incremental ways. For now, take one more slow breath. Inhale and exhale. You are seen, your grief is holy, and you don't have to carry it alone. With fierce love and unshakable faith, I'm Reverend Stormy, and this is wholeness.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest friend, but holy lean on Jesus.