Episode 6: Boundaries & Biblical Love: Protecting What God Is Healing

Episode 6 – “Boundaries & Biblical Love: Protecting What God Is Healing” 

Many survivors have been told that “good Christians” always say yes and never walk away. This episode untangles that lie. You’ll see how Jesus Himself practiced boundaries—saying no, walking away, withdrawing to rest—and how guarding your heart can be an act of obedience, not selfishness. Rev. Stormyee offers simple boundary scripts and real‑life scenarios so you can begin protecting what God is healing in you, especially with draining or unsafe people. 

Primary Scriptures for this episode (feel free to pause and look them up): 

• Proverbs 4:23 – Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
• Mark 1:35–38 – Jesus withdrawing to lonely places.
• Luke 5:15–16 – Jesus often withdrew to pray.
• Matthew 10:14 – Shaking the dust off your feet (walking away).
• Ephesians 4:15 – Speaking the truth in love.

In our next episode, we’ll continue this journey by looking at forgiveness without reconciliation—how to release people to God without giving unsafe people access to hurt you again. 

Until then, may you feel empowered to guard your heart and honor the sacred work God is doing in you. 

With fierce love and unshakeable faith,
 I’m Rev. Stormyee, and this is Wholeness. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Welcome to Holeness with Reference Dormy Edmondson. A space for healing, faith, and kingdom purpose. I'm Reference Dormy Edmondson, ordained minister, Christian life coach, and your companion on the journey from trauma to china. Here we talk about the real things. Healing from pain, renewing the mind, building holy boundaries, growing in faith, and walking boldly, and the calling. God has placed in your life. Whether you're in the season of survival, restoration, or thriving, this would be a reminder that God sees you. God is with you, and your story is not over statistics, but settling your heart. And listen to what the Lord wants to speak to you today. Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Mark chapter 1 verses 35 through 38. Jesus withdrawing to lonely places. Luke chapter 5, verse 15 through 16. Jesus often withdrew to pray. Matthew chapter 10, verse 14, shaking the dust off your feet, walking away. Ephesians chapter 4, verse 15, speaking the truth in love. Hi friends. Welcome back to wholeness with Reverend Stormy. We've been building a foundation together. You named that what happened to you was real and wrong, and that God saw it in episode 1. In episode 2, you learned that your body's reactions are survival responses, not failures. You began to honor your grief as holy in episode 3. You started exploring trust again, one small rung at a time in episode 4. And in episode 5, you considered what safer community might look like. Today we're going to talk about something that often gets twisted in Christian spaces, but it's absolutely vital for survivors. Boundaries. This episode is called Boundaries and Biblical Love, Protecting What God is Healing. We're going to explore what boundaries are and what they are not. How boundaries actually reflect God's heart, not selfishness. Simple boundary phrases and steps you can use, especially with unsafe or draining people. If you've ever felt guilty of saying no or been told that having boundaries is unloving or unchristian, then this episode is for you. Let's take a moment to pray. Heavenly Father, you set boundaries when you walk this earth. You knew when to say yes and when to say no and when to walk away. Jesus, would you teach us how to guard our hearts in a way that honors you and protects what you're healing? Silence the lies that say boundaries are selfish and replace them with your truth. Amen. Now let's take a deep breath in and out. You are allowed to have limits. Let's define some things clearly. Boundaries are the limits you set on what you will and will not tolerate in your life. The lines that define where you end and someone else begins. A way of saying, this is what I'm responsible for, and this is what I am not responsible for. Boundaries are about your behavior, not controlling someone else's. For example, I will not stay on the phone if you yell at me. I will not attend events where my abuser is present. I need to leave by 9 p.m. to protect my rest. I only respond to texts during these hours. Boundaries are not punishment, a way to manipulate people, unloving or unforgiving, rebellion against authority just for the sake of it. Unsafe people in systems often call boundaries rebellion, because boundaries threaten their control. That doesn't make boundaries wrong. It reveals their unhealth. In Proverbs chapter 4, verse 23, it says, Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Guarding your heart requires limits. It's not a suggestion to become a fortress, it is an invitation to stewardship. Without boundaries, your heart, as God heals it, is left exposed to the same patterns that damaged it in the first place. Segment two Jesus' own boundaries. Sometimes we treat Jesus as if he was endlessly available to everyone 24-7 with no limits. But the gospels show us a different picture. Let's look at Mark chapter 1, verses 35 through 38. After a long night of ministry, Jesus gets up early. He goes to a solitary place to pray. When disciples tell him, Everyone is looking for you, he doesn't rush back to meet every need. In Luke chapter 5, verse 15 through 16, crowds come to hear him and be healed, but Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. He regularly steps away. There are times when Jesus walks away from hostile religious leaders, refuses to perform on demand, and leaves towns where he's not received. Jesus chooses his inner circle, sets limits on his availability, leaves some needs unmet in that moment, refuses to stay where he is only being used or attacked. If Jesus, a perfect, sinless savior in a human body, needed rest, solitude, and limits, how much more do we? I would speculate. Boundaries do not make you less like Jesus. Proper boundaries make you more aligned with how he moved, responsive to the Father, but not controlled by others. Segment three. Jesus speaks to your guilt about boundaries. Let's listen now as if Jesus is speaking to the part of you that feels selfish, guilty, or afraid when you say no. My beloved, I see how often you've been praised for being the strong one. The helper, the one everyone can depend on. I see how even in church you were valued more for what you could do than for who you are. I am not using you. I love you. I am not honored when you run yourself into the ground to keep others comfortable. I'm not glorified when you ignore your own wounds to meet everyone else's needs. I give you permission to rest. I give you permission to step back. I give you permission to say no. Protecting what I am healing in you is not selfish. It's stewardship. You can love others without abandoning yourself. You can serve without erasing your soul. You can say no and still be walking in my will. Take a deep breath and let those words challenge any belief that says if I set boundaries, I'm unloving or disobedient. Segment four. What types of boundaries you may need? Boundaries can show up in several areas, and naming them gives you language that you can use. One being physical boundaries, like who can touch you and how. How close someone can stand or sit, where you will or will not go. For example, I don't hug people I don't know well, or I won't be alone in a room with this person. Two, emotional boundaries. What topics you're willing to discuss, how much of your inner world you share, what criticism or shaming you will not accept. For example, I'm not willing to talk about that with you, or if you keep mocking my feelings, I'm going to end this conversation. And three, time and energy boundaries. How much time you give to certain people, ministries, or responsibilities, when you're available and when you're not. For example, I can serve once a month, not every week. Or I don't respond to messages after 8 p.m. And lastly, relational boundaries, the level of access people have to you, whether you remain in a relationship at all, and at what distance. For example, for my healing, I can only see this family member in group settings. Or I'm ending this relationship. You get to decide what level of access someone has based on their behavior, not just their title or role. A parent, a pastor, spouse does not get unlimited access to your heart and body if they repeatedly behave in ways that are unsafe, manipulative, or abusive. I often say to my coaching clients that giving someone access to you all the time is poor spiritual hygiene. Segment five. Honoring your parents does not mean tolerating abuse, manipulation, or continued harm. Honor can look like speaking the truth without cruelty, refusing to gossip or slander, praying for them, choosing not to enable their sin or dysfunction. Sometimes the most honoring thing you can do is refuse to participate in patterns that destroy you and others. You can both honor your parents as people made in God's image and set firm limits on their behavior toward you. You are not dishonoring your family when you refuse to be abused. You're honoring God's image in you. Segment six. Practical boundary scripts. One of the hardest parts of boundaries is knowing what to say. So let me offer some simple phrases you can adapt. You don't need to overexplain, defend, or justify. A short sentence is enough. When someone wants more information than you're ready to share, you can say things like I'm not ready to talk about that. That's private for me right now. I appreciate your concern, but I'm not going to discuss those details. When someone speaks to you in a hurtful way or aggressive way, you can say I'm willing to talk, but not if I'm being yelled at. If the conversation continues like this, I will hang up and leave. When invited to an event or space that feels unsafe, thanks for the invitation. I won't be able to make it. No, that doesn't work for me. You don't owe a reason or explanation. When you need to step back from a relationship, you can say, For my own healing, I need to take some space from this relationship. I'm going to be limiting our contacts to text, email, group settings for now. Within ministry or church settings, you could say, I'm grateful you thought of me, but I don't have capacity to serve in that way this season. I can commit to this for three months, then I'll need to reevaluate. You might practice these out loud when you're alone, so your nervous system gets used to hearing your own voice set limits. It may feel awkward at first, and that's normal. Segment seven. Exercise. Boundary mapping in one relationship. Let's do a short exercise. Think of one relationship or context that consistently leaves you feeling small, unsafe, or exhausted. Not the most dangerous one, just the one that's easier to look at for now. Ask yourself, what specifically happens in this relationship that hurts me or dysregulates my body? Is it criticism? Yelling? Guilt trips? Silent treatment? Demands? What do I currently do in response? Freeze? Comply? Overexplain? People please? Explode? Or shut down? What is one boundary that if I honored it, would help protect my energy or safety? Here's some examples. Limiting phone calls to 10 to 15 minutes. Refusing to stay in the room if someone starts yelling. Only seeing this person in public or group settings. Not answering texts immediately, especially if they feel demanding. Declining to discuss certain topics. I'm not going to talk about my dating life with you. Now imagine yourself actually enforcing that boundary. Notice what emotion comes up first. Fear, guilt, anxiety, relief. Then imagine Jesus standing beside you as you picture that moment. What do you sense him saying? Maybe it's something like, I'm proud of you. You're not abandoning them. You're protecting my work in you. You don't have to justify this to everyone. Segment 8. Reflection questions and homework. Here's some questions for the week. What messages about boundaries did I receive growing up? Spoken or unspoken? Nice girls always say yes, good Christians never say no. Family comes before everything, no matter what. Enrich relationship. Do I most need boundary to protect what God is healing in me? What emotion rises most when I imagine setting that boundary? Is it guilt? Fear? Sadness, relief, or anger? For homework, choose one of these things. Option one, write one boundary script. Pick a real situation. Write a one or two sentence boundary statement you could say starting with, if you do this, I will respond this way. I'm not available for. Practice saying it aloud when you're alone. Notice how it feels in your body. Option two, a boundary permission prayer. Pray, Jesus, show me one place where you are giving me permission to set a boundary. Help me see that boundary as stewardship and not selfishness. Write down anything that comes to mind. Option three. Boundary role play with a safe person. If you have a therapist, a coach, or a safe friend, ask if you can practice saying a boundary out loud with them and playing the other person. Let your nervous system experience saying it in a supportive environment first. Segment nine. Closing and preview. Friends, boundaries are not a lack of love. They're a way to keep love from being trampled and destroyed. You're not selfish for needing space. You're not unchristian for saying no. You are not dishonoring God by guarding your heart. You are honoring the work he's doing in you. So let's pray. Jesus, thank you that you modeled boundaries in your own life. I know you did that for me. Thank you that you withdrew, rested, and said no, and walked away when it was right to do so. For every listener who's been shamed for having needs, for feeling tired, or for setting limits, I ask you to wash that shame off. Give them courage to protect what you are healing. Give them the wisdom to know where to set boundaries, and strength to hold them, even when others don't understand. Surround them with at least a few people who respect their no as much as their yes. Teach them that boundaries and love can coexist. That boundaries are not the opposite of love, but a structure that helps love stay healthy. In Jesus' name, amen. In our next episode, we'll continue this journey by looking at forgiveness without reconciliation. How to release people to God without giving unsafe people access to hurt you again. Until then, may you feel empowered to guard your heart and honor the sacred work God is doing in you. With fierce love and unshakable faith, I'm Reverend Stormy, and this is wholeness.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

Is a life more abundant free? So just look up, your help is on the way. Turn, turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full, look for in his wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim. When you turn, turn your eyes upon him. Oh, yes, turn your eyes with me. His work forever unfailing. His promise maker to hope here in the midst of your sorrow. His presence is healing your soul. So just look up, your help is on the way. Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look for, look for it as a wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim. When you turn, turn your eyes upon him. Oh yeah. Turn your eyes to Jesus. Oh yeah. Just look up. Just look up. Turn your eyes. In the light of his glory and grace. There is freedom, healing, filling this place. In the light of his glory and grace. There is freedom. Oh, this freedom, yay. In the light of his glory and grace. There's revival, it's stirring, shaking this place. In the light of his glory and grace. There's revival. It's breaking, revival, revival. The light of his glory and grace. He'll change it. In the light of his glory and grace. He'll change it, he'll change it, he'll change it the ground up. He'll change it, he'll change it. Oh shurning your eyes upon Jesus. Oh, yeah, yeah. We lift you, we lift you, Jesus.