Episode 11 – “Shame, Self‑Hatred, and the Kindness of Jesus”

Episode 11 – “Shame, Self‑Hatred, and the Kindness of Jesus” 

Breaking Up With Shame 

Description:
Shame is a brutal inner voice that says, “Something is wrong with me,” not just “I did something wrong.” This episode explores the difference between healthy guilt and toxic shame, how trauma wires shame into your thoughts and body, and why Jesus refuses to join the shaming crowd. With stories from Scripture and a practical “Catch, Question, Replace” exercise, Rev. Stormyee helps you start talking to yourself the way Jesus talks to you—with truth and tenderness instead of contempt. 

Primary Scriptures for this episode (feel free to pause and look them up): 

• Romans 8:1 – No condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.
• Psalm 34:5 – Those who look to Him are radiant, not covered in shame.
• John 8:1–11 – The woman caught in adultery.
• Luke 15:11–24 – The prodigal son and the Father’s embrace.
• Hebrews 4:15–16 – A High Priest who understands our weakness.

In our next episode, we’ll talk about relapse, setbacks, and “bad days”—why they don’t mean you’re failing, and how to walk through them with grace instead of shame. 

Until then, may you hear the voice of Jesus more clearly than the voice of shame—and may you begin, little by little, to agree with Him. 

With fierce love and unshakeable faith,

I’m Rev. Stormyee, and this is Wholeness. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:25

Welcome to Holmes. With reference Stormy Edmundson. A space for healing. Space and Kingdom Purpose. I'm referenced Stormy Edmundson. Ordained Minister. And your companion on the journey from comma to china. Here we talk about the real thing. Healing from paint, renewing the mind, building holy foundries, growing and fake, a walking hopefully, and a colony. God has a place on your mind. Romans chapter 8, verse 1. No condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Psalm chapter 34, verse 5. Those who look to him are radiant, not covered in shame. John chapter 8, verses 1 through 11, the woman caught in adultery. Luke chapter 15, verses 11 through 24, the prodigal son, and the father's embrace. Hebrews chapter 4, verses 15 through 16, a high priest who understands our weakness. Hi friends, welcome back to wholeness with Reverend Stormy. We've been talking about your story, your body, your grief, trust, relationships, boundaries, forgiveness, and purpose. We've started to name your identity as beloved, not defined by trauma. Today we're going to talk about something that can sabotage all of that, and that's shame or self-hatred. This episode is called Shame, Self-Hatred, and the Kindness of Jesus. Today we're going to explore the difference between guilt and shame, how trauma often produces toxic self-talk, and what it looks like to begin receiving the kindness Jesus actually shows wounded people. If you're harsh with yourself in ways you'd never be with anyone else, then this episode is for you. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus, you know how loud shame has been in our lives. You know the voices we've internalized. Critical, cruel, condemning. Would you please help us to hear your voice more clearly today? Let your kindness begin to loosen shame's grip. Amen. Take a breath in and out. You don't have to fix shame today. You just get to notice it with Jesus. These are two different things. First, let's separate guilt and shame because they are not the same. Guilt says, I did something wrong. It's about behavior. Healthy guilt can lead to repentance, repair, and growth. Shame says, something is wrong with me. It's about identity. Toxic shame doesn't lead to healing. It leads to hiding, self-hatred, and isolation. Trauma often wires shame into your body and thoughts, whether or not you did anything wrong. I should have stopped it. I should have told someone sooner. I should be over this by now. It must have happened because there is something wrong with me. When you've been repeatedly blamed, ignored, or mishandled, shame becomes the default lens. Romans chapter 8, verse 1 says, There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Condemnation is the voice that declares you irredeemably bad and unworthy. God convicts specific behaviors. Shame condemns you as a person. God's conviction is precise and hopeful. Shame is vague and hopeless. Segment 2. How shame shows up your inner critic. Let's name some common forms of shame-based self-talk. I'm so stupid. Why am I still like this? I ruin everything. If people really knew me, they'd leave. Or if everyone I care about leaves. I'm too broken for anyone to love. I'm a burden. I should be stronger by now. Sometimes this inner critic sounds like a parent or authority figure's voice. A church leader who shamed you. A bully or abuser. Your own voice shaped by years of pain. You might notice shame in your body too. Slump posture, avoiding eye contact, a sinking feeling in your stomach when you make a mistake. A desire to disappear, hide, or self-sabotage when things go well. Psalm chapter 34, verse 5 says, Those who look to him are radiant. Their faces are never covered with shame. That doesn't mean you never feel shame. It means that God's desire is to lift shame off of your face, not to heap more on. Segment 3. Jesus and the Shamed. Woman caught in adultery. Let's look at John chapter 8, verses 1 through 11. A woman is caught in adultery and dragged into public by religious leaders. She's exposed, humiliated, and used as a prop in their argument with Jesus. The law said such a woman could be stoned. The crowd is ready to condemn. Her shame is on full display. What does Jesus do? He bends down and he writes in the dirt, and then he says, Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her. One by one, the accusers leave. Then Jesus turns to the woman and asks, Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you? No one, sir, she said. Then neither do I condemn you, Jesus declared. Go now and leave your life of sin. I want you to notice Jesus does not deny that she sinned. He also does not join the shaming crowd. He removes her accusers first. Then he speaks to her with dignity and calls her into a new way of living. If Jesus refused to join the shaming mob for someone who actually had sinned, how much more will he refuse to join the shame narrative being thrown at you for things that were done to you? He is not standing in the crowd of voices calling you names. He's standing between you and those stones. In Luke chapter 15, verses 11 through 24, Jesus tells the story of the prodigal son. The son demands his inheritance early, which would have been a huge insult in that time. He squanders it in reckless living, and he ends up feeding pigs, starving and alone. When he comes to his senses, he prepares this shame-based speech. I'm no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants. He sees himself as disqualified, less than, beyond full belonging. But when he begins the journey home, the father sees him while he is still a long way off. The father runs to him, embraces him, kisses him. The father cuts off his shame speech and still says, Quick, bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. The father restores his identity, son, not servant, covers his shame with a robe, rejoices over him instead of lecturing him. This is how Jesus describes the Father's heart. If that is what God is like towards someone coming back in repentance, can you imagine how he looks at someone who has been deeply wounded doing their best to heal? He's not waiting for you to arrive at perfect recovery, to embrace you. He runs towards you in your message. My beloved, I hear the way you talk to yourself when no one else is listening. I hear the names you call yourself, the disgust you feel, the way you replay every mistake as proof that you are unworthy. I do not agree with those accusations. I did not die for that. I did not rise for someone I only tolerate. I gave my life because you are precious to me. When you speak to yourself with contempt, you are speaking to someone I love. I am inviting you to borrow my voice to begin talking to yourself the way I talk to you. Tenderly, truthfully, without cruelty, without you. You are not the sum of your worst moments, your symptoms or your coping strategies. You are mine. Take a slow breath. If it feels safe, you might softly say, Jesus, help me to hear your voice louder than the shame I'm feeling. Segment six. Beginning self-compassion, not fluff, but alignment. Self-compassion is not making excuses, pretending you never hurt anyone, ignoring areas where you need growth. Self-compassion is agreeing with how Jesus sees you. Treating yourself with the same kindness you'd offer a dear friend in your shoes. Recognizing that your nervous system, story, and pain are real. In Hebrews chapter 4, verses 15 through 16 it says, We do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weakness, but we have one who has been tempted in every way. Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. If Jesus responds to your weakness with mercy and grace, self-compassion is you choosing to stop fighting his mercy with your internal cruelty. Simple starting point is catching that harsh thought. Asking, would I say this to someone I loved, a friend, someone dear to me? If not, offering yourself a different sentence. For example, harsh self-talk. I'm pathetic for being triggered by this. Compassionate reframe might be, but given what I went through, it makes sense that this is hard. Jesus, will you help me if I take the next tiny step to self-compassion? Segment 7. Simple exercise. Catch, question, replace. Let's practice a three-step process. Catch, question, replace. Think of a recent moment when you felt shame. Maybe after a trigger, a conflict, or a bad mental health day. One, catch. What did you say to yourself in that moment? I'm so stupid. I ruin everything. No one else is this messed up. Just name one sentence. Number two, question. Ask yourself, where did I learn to talk to myself like this? Was it a parent? A pastor? An abuser? Then ask, would Jesus say this to me? The answer is always no to cruelty. And number three, replace. Now, what might Jesus say instead? Something like, you're overwhelmed, not worthless. This reaction makes sense. You've been through a lot. You're loved right here, not once you get it together. If it helps, you can imagine writing your harsh thought on one side of a page and Jesus' response on the other. You're not lying to yourself. You're aligning your inner voice with God's heart. Segment 8. Reflection questions and homework. Here's some questions you can sit with this week. Whose voice does my inner critic sound like? What situations most often trigger shame for me? Making a mistake, needing help? Resting? Being emotional? How would I speak to a friend I loved who was struggling in the same way? How different is that from how I speak to myself? For homework, choose one of the following. Option one, a shame thought log. For a few days, when you notice a shame-based thought, jot it down. Then next to it, write, what might Jesus say to me instead? You don't have to catch them all, just a few. This is about starting to recognize patterns. Option two. Compassionate I statements. Choose one area where you are really hard on yourself. Write a new statement beginning with, I am learning to. It makes sense that I for example, I'm allowed to need rest. It makes sense that I get anxious in conflict, given my past. Option three. A prodigal son prayer. Read Luke chapter 15, verses 11 through 24. Imagine yourself in the son's place, walking home. Picture the Father running toward you and ask, God, what are you putting on me instead of shame? A robe, a ring, sandals, a new name? Write down what it is that you sense. Segment 9. Our closing in preview. Friends, shame has probably been your companion for a long time. It told you it was keeping you humble. It told you it was keeping you safe. It told you if you just hated yourself enough, you'd finally become better. But shame has never healed anyone. The kindness of Jesus, the truth spoken in love, and the mercy of God, that is where healing starts. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus, you see the heavy blanket of shame many of us live under. You know every cruel word we've absorbed and turned inward. I ask you to begin lifting that blanket. Silence the voices of accusation. Let Romans 8:1 become real. That there is no condemnation for those who are in you. Teach us to speak to ourselves with the same mercy you extend to us. For the one who cannot imagine being gentle with themselves, would you be extra gentle? Let them feel your gaze that is not disgusted, but loving. And give them one small but practical way to practice self-compassion this week. In Jesus' name, Amen. In our next episode, we'll talk about relapse, setbacks, and bad days. Why they don't mean you're failing, and how to walk through them with grace instead of shame. Until then, may you hear the voice of Jesus more clearly than the voice of shame. And may you begin little by little to agree with him with fierce love and unshakable faith. I'm Reverend Stormy, and this is wholeness.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

When please like a river at my way when slight seep Whatever my Lord thou hast taught me to say it is well it is well with my soul It is well it is well with my soul with my soul It is well it is well with my soul My skin Oh the blitz of this glory My sin not in part but the whole is nailed to the cross and I pray no more Praise the Lord Praise the Lord Oh my soul It is well it is well with my soul with my soul It is well It is well with my soul And Lord haste the day when my face shall be sight The clouds be road back as a scroll The Trump shall reason and the Lord shall diso It is well with my soul It is well It is well my soul It is well It is well with my soul It is well It is well my soul