Episode 19 – “Serving and Leading Without Losing Yourself”

Serving From Belovedness, Not Burnout

Many survivors become the “go‑to helper” at church and at home, often at the expense of their own health. This episode explores the difference between Christ‑like service and trauma‑driven over‑functioning. Looking at the life of Jesus, Rev. Stormyee highlights how He served with boundaries, rest, and clarity of calling—and how you can, too. You’ll do a “servant or savior?” heart check and identify at least one boundary or support you need to serve without losing yourself.

Primary Scriptures for this episode (feel free to pause and look them up):

• Matthew 11:28–30 – “My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
• Mark 10:42–45 – Servant leadership like Jesus.
• Galatians 1:10 – Seeking God’s approval, not people’s.
• 1 Peter 4:10–11 – Using your gifts to serve as faithful stewards.
• Luke 5:15–16 – Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

In our final episode of this series, we’ll talk about staying on the healing journey long‑term—how to keep walking with God after this podcast ends, trusting that the work He started in you, He will be faithful to continue.

Until then, may you feel free to serve from a place of belovedness—and to rest, knowing that Jesus is the true Savior, not you.

With fierce love and unshakeable faith,
 I’m Rev. Stormyee, and this is Wholeness.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Welcome to Holeness with Reverend Stormy Edmondson, a space for healing, faith, and kingdom purpose. I'm Reverend Stormy Edmondson, ordained minister, Christian life coach, and your companion on the journey from trauma to triumph. Here we talk about the real things: healing from pain, renewing the mind, building holy boundaries, growing in faith, and walking boldly in the calling God has placed on your life. Whether you're in a season of survival, restoration, or thriving, this is your reminder that God sees you, God is with you, and your story is not over. So take a deep breath, settle your heart, and listen for what the Lord wants to speak to you today. You are welcome here. You are seen, and you are being restored here. Our primary scriptures for this episode, and feel free to pause to look them up. Matthew chapter eleven, verses twenty-eight through thirty. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. Mark chapter ten, verses forty-two through forty-five. Servant leadership like Jesus. Galatians chapter one verse ten. Seeking God's approval, not people's. First Peter chapter four, verses ten through eleven, using your gifts to serve as faithful stewards. Luke chapter five, eight, verses fifteen through sixteen, Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. In episode 18, we talked about family systems and generational patterns and how, with God's help, you can become a cycle breaker. Today we're going to talk about something that often gets tangled up with trauma, especially in church and ministry spaces, and that is serving and leading. This episode is called Serving and Leading Without Losing Yourself. We're going to explore how trauma and old family roles can shape the way you serve, what healthy Christ-like service actually looks like, and how to use your gifts without repeating patterns of self-erasure and burnout. This is for you. Let's take a moment to pray. Jesus, you came not to be served, but to serve. And yet, you never lost yourself or your boundaries. Would you teach us how to serve and lead in ways that honor you and also honor the healing that you're doing in us? Amen. Take a breath in. You are more than what you do for others. Segment one How trauma shapes the way we serve. Many survivors grew up in roles like the caretaker, meeting everyone else's needs, and ignoring your own. The peacemaker. Smoothing over conflict. Absorbing tension. The hero. Overachieving, performing, holding the family together, the invisible one, disappearing so others could shine. Those roles often get spiritualized in church. You're such a servant. You're always there for everyone. We can always count on you. And because serving is good and a biblical thing, it's easy to confuse calling with compulsion, anointing with overfunctioning, and sacrifice with self-erasure. You might find yourself saying yes to everything. Feeling guilty when you rest, serving from fear. If I don't, I'll be replaced or rejected. Instead of love, burning out, and then blaming yourself for not being strong enough. If no one ever taught you that your needs matter, ministry can become another place where you disappear. But that is not what Jesus intends. Segment two The Way Jesus serves and leads. In Mark chapter 10, verses 42 through 45, Jesus says, Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as ransom for many. Jesus models servant leadership, but notice he serves from a place of identity. This is my beloved son. Not from needing approval. He says yes to the Father's will, not to every demand. He often withdraws from crowds to pray. Luke chapter 5, verse 15 through 16. He doesn't heal everyone in every town. He does what the Father gives him to do. This is healthy service. It flows from knowing you are loved, not trying to earn love. Has limits and rhythms of rest. Comes from listening to God, not being driven by others' expectations. Matthew chapter 11, verses 28 through 30 shows Jesus inviting the weary. Come to me, I will give you rest. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. If the yoke you're carrying in service feels crushing, never light, always heavy, it is worth asking. Is this really Jesus' yoke or is this the yoke of my old family role? People pleasing or fear? Segment three. Jesus speaks to the over-responsible part of you. Listen as if Jesus is speaking to the part of you that feels responsible for everyone and everything. This is what I believe he would want to say. My beloved, I see how long you've been carrying the weight of other people's emotions, crises, and needs. I see how you were taught, directly or indirectly, that your value is in what you can do, fix, or hold together. I'm grateful for your willing heart, but I'm not asking you to be the savior. That is my job. When you say yes to everything, even when I am not asking you to you carry burdens that crush you and distract you from the specific assignments I have for you. I give you permission to rest. I give you permission to say no, that is not mine to do. I give you permission to serve from overflow and not emptiness. You are not loved because you serve. You serve because you are loved. Take a breath. Let that speak to any place in you that believes that constant overgiving is the only way to be faithful. Segment 4. Signs you're serving in a trauma pattern. Let's name a few indicators that you might be serving from a trauma pattern rather than from a healthy calling. You feel panic or intense guilt at the idea of saying no. You rarely receive. You are almost always the helper, mentor, or leader. You feel resentful, but you swallow it and keep going. You volunteer to avoid your own feelings or healing work. You serve in environments where your boundaries are not respected. Your body is sending signals, chronic exhaustion, headaches, anxiety, but you ignore them for the Lord. On the flip side, healthy serving, even when challenging, will over time feel more like a shared load, not everything on your shoulders. An expression of your gifts, not a constant violation of your limits. Something you can step back from if needed, without losing your identity. Galatians chapter 1, verse 10 asks, Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings? Or is it God? That's a good question to keep returning to in ministry and leadership. Segment five. Healthy boundaries in serving and leading. Here are some practical boundaries to consider. One, roll boundaries. Clarify what is actually your responsibility and what is not. Example, I can lead this group, but I am not everyone's 24-7 crisis line. Two, time boundaries. Decide how many hours a week you can realistically give considering work, rest, and family. Communicate that clearly with your leaders. Three, emotional boundaries. You can care deeply without carrying everything home in your body. It's okay to say, I need to process this within my own support system. Four, support boundaries. Have spaces where you're not the leader, where you're simply a human being receiving care. This could be therapy, spiritual direction, or a group where you're not in charge. Five, discernment boundaries. Before saying yes, ask the following Is this aligned with my gifts and season? Do I sense Jesus inviting me into this? Or am I reacting to guilt, pressure, or fear of letting people down? Remember, no is not always selfish. Sometimes no is obedience. Segment six. Exercise servant or savior. Here's a quick heart check. Let's do a brief reflection. Think of one area where you're currently serving or leading, church, ministry, work, caregiving, or even within your family, and ask yourself, this motivation check. Why am I doing this? What are the possible motives? They're often mixed. Love forgotten people, sense of calling, fear of disappointing others, habit from old family roles. I always have to be the one. Desire to feel valuable or needed? Do this body check. How does my body feel when I think about this role? Is it heavy, tight, anxious or exhausted? Or challenged but alive? Stretched but supported? Does a sustainability check? Could I continue at this pace for another year without serious harm? If the honest answer is no, something needs adjusting. Hours, responsibility, support or boundaries? You might then pray, Jesus, show me how you see this role. What's truly mine to carry with you, and what I am holding that you didn't ask me to? Listen for a nudge. Maybe toward rest, delegation. Or a clearer yes. Segment 7. Reflection questions and homework. Here's some questions you can sit with this week. How did my family origin shape my view of serving, helping, and responsibility? In my current roles? Where do I feel most aligned with God's invitation? And where do I feel most driven by pressure or fear? What would it look like to serve from identity if I am beloved instead of for identity? I am valuable only if I serve. For homework, choose one of the following. Option one service inventory. Make a list of your current serving and leading roles. Next to each write life-giving, neutral, or draining. Ask Jesus, is there one role you're inviting me to release, adjust, or approach differently? Option two. One healthy boundary. Choose one small boundary to add around serving your leadership role this week. Here's some examples. I won't respond to ministry texts after 9 p.m. I will not meet alone with certain people. I'll bring a co-leader. I will block off one evening a week with no ministry commitments. Option 3. Receiving practice. Make an intentional choice to receive this week. Ask someone to pray for you. Share honestly in a space where you're not leading. Let someone serve or bless you without downplaying it. Segment eight. Out closing and preview. Friends, your desire to serve is beautiful. It reflects the heart of Jesus. But Jesus never asked you to disappear so others could thrive. He never asked you to burn out to prove your devotion. He invites you into a yoke that is shared and a burden that is lightened by his presence. You are not only a servant, but you are also a son or a daughter, a friend, and a beloved one. Let's take this time to pray. Lord Jesus, thank you for every listener who has given so much of themselves to love and serve others, often from places of pain. I ask heal the parts of their hearts that believe they are only as valuable as their service. Highlight where they are serving with you and where they are overcarrying beyond what you're asking. Give them courage to set boundaries, to rest and to receive care. Teach them how to lead and serve in ways that honor both you and the healing you're doing inside them. Let their service flow from overflow, not from emptiness. In your mighty name, Jesus, we pray. Amen. In our final episode of this series, we'll talk about staying on the healing journey long term. How to keep walking with God after this podcast ends, trusting that the work he started in you, he will be faithful to continue. Until then, may you feel free to serve from a place of belovedness and to rest, knowing that Jesus is the true Savior, not you. With fierce love and unshakable faith, I'm Reverend Stormy, and this is wholeness.