The 4 Signs You're Still Leading Like the World

 Episode 3: The 4 Signs You're Still Leading Like the World

Have you been leading from performance, approval-seeking, and striving — wondering why it still feels so exhausting even when the results are there? 

In this episode, we name something that quietly gets in the way of every Kingdom-called woman's assignment: the worldly leadership framework she's been carrying since she was young.  Host and entrepreneur, Stacy Jo Coffee-Thorne, gets personal, sharing her own journey from people-pleasing and performance-based leadership — rooted in years in the legal field and a lifetime of hustle — to the ongoing process of learning to lead from rest, identity, and obedience.  

In this episode, we cover: 

→ The 4 signs you're still operating from worldly leadership patterns 

→ What it means to lead from identity, not achievement 

→ Why busyness is not the same as fruitfulness 

→ The role of community in Kingdom transformation → 3 practical starting points to begin laying it down 

→ This week's Kingdom challenge and reflection questions 

→ A closing prayer for every woman walking this journey  

Key Scriptures: Romans 12:2 | Matthew 11:28-30 | Matthew 11:29-30  

This episode is for the woman who loves God, is doing all the right things, and still feels like she's one step away from losing everything she's built. You're not alone — and there's a better way.  

🙏  Reflection Questions for This Week: 

1. What specific leadership pattern did the world give you that you've been carrying into your Kingdom assignment? 

2. In what area of your leadership are you striving when God is asking you to rest and trust? 

3. What would your leadership look like if approval from people was completely off the table?  

Your Kingdom Challenge: Identify one worldly leadership habit and do it differently this week.  📲 Enjoyed this episode? Share it with a woman who needs to hear it, and subscribe so you never miss an episode.  

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Connect: www.acbw.org | info@acbw.org | Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/1208084963263914 | Instagram: @_acbw_

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Kingdom Leadership, the podcast for women pursuing kingdom purpose with faith and intention. This is a space for clarity, encouragement, and conviction. It's a place to pause, refocus, and realign your leadership with what God is asking of you. Whether you're leading in business, ministry, your home, or your community. This podcast is here to remind you that your calling is intentional. Your obedience matters, and your leadership is meant to be aligned with God, not carried in your own strength. I'm your host, Stacey Joe, and together we are leading into leadership that is full, obedient, and rooted in purpose. Let's get started. I am so glad that you are back with us for episode three. If you've been with us over the last couple of episodes, you know that we've laid a significant foundation. We've talked about why this podcast exists and why now is the time that it needs to be released. We've talked about the wounds of rejection and the scarcity mindset that keep women leading from a place of lack. And in episode two, we went deep on healing as the gateway to the calling. And we started asking the question do you actually know what God has specifically called you to do? And today I want to build on all of that because here's what I've noticed. Even when a woman begins to identify her kingdom assignment, even when the healing starts to take place and clarity begins to come, there's still something that can get in the way, something that she may not even realize she is carrying. And it is the version of leadership that the world gave her. And before she can fully step into leadership that God designed for her, she has to lay that down. You know, from the time we are young, the world begins teaching us what leadership looks like. And some of what is taught was not wrong. Hard work, perseverance, showing up, you know, those things have value. But a lot of what the world taught us about leadership was rooted in something that has no place in the kingdom. It was rooted in performance, improving, in producing enough to earn the right to be in the room. The world taught us that leaders are the ones who never show weakness, that you lead by having all the answers. Maybe you've learned that your values tie directly to your output. That if you slow down, someone else will take your place. Have you ever felt that? Maybe that you have to be louder, stronger, more polished, more put together than everyone else around you just to be taken seriously. And for many of us, we absorbed those messages without even realizing. I know I did. And for the longest time, I didn't even think I was a leader because I didn't think that I fulfilled any of those. And we build our leadership identities around those things. We hustle, we perform, you know, we've led from outside in, managing our image, earning our place, staying in control. And can I just stop and say that it's exhausting? Can any of you relate with me on that? Not because leadership is supposed to be easy, but because that kind of leadership was never designed for you. It was never designed for me. It was designed by a system that does not know your name, does not know your calling, and has absolutely no interest in your kingdom assignment. Romans 12, 2 says, Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, pleasing, and perfect will. Think about that for a minute. Do not conform to the pattern of this world. That is not just spiritual instruction. It is leadership instruction. It's God saying, the way the world does it is not the way I designed you to do it. There's another way, a better way. A way that flows from transformation rather than performance. I want to get personal with you for a moment because I'm not sitting here as someone who observed this pattern in other women from a safe distance. I lived it for years. I was a performer. I performed for results. And I people pleased my way through leadership for longer than I care to admit. I wanted to be good at what I did, yes. But underneath, I wanted people to approve of what I was doing. I wanted to get it right in everyone else's eyes. And that drive was not always coming from a pure place. A lot of it was coming from a wound that said if you produce enough, if you please enough, if you get the results that they need, then you're enough. How many of you can relate to that? But now here's the thing about that kind of leadership: it can look very successful from the outside. You get things done, people are happy with you, the results are there, but on the inside, it's exhausting in a way that it's very hard to explain to someone who has not lived it. Because you are never really finished. There's always one more person to please, one more result to prove, one more standard to meet. And I want to tell you something about myself that I think will help you understand where I'm coming from. I've been an entrepreneur since I was about nine or 10 years old. Even as a little girl, I was always looking for a way to make money, to get ahead, to figure out how to build something. That drive was God given. But the way I expressed it for years was very much shaped by the world, by hustle, by proving, by performing. And the real turning point for me came when God called me out of the legal field. I've talked about that before. That was the moment where everything I had built my professional identity around got disrupted. The title, the structure, the familiar framework, you know, all of it. And stepping out as an entrepreneur, truly stepping out, not just trying to sell shoes as a 10-year-old. But it left me with no choice but to rely on him. I couldn't perform my way into what God was calling me to do. I couldn't people please my way into kingdom purpose. I had to lay it down and I had to trust him with the outcome. Now I want to be real with you because I think real is more useful than polished. I can't sit here and tell you that I have fully arrived. I can't tell you that I always lead from rest. I can't tell you that I never slipped back onto striving because none of that would be true. Sometimes I still lead from striving. And that is something I've been definitely working on personally. I'm in this process right alongside you. I'm not speaking to you as someone who has it all together. I'm speaking to you as someone who's walking the journey with you. And I think that matters because this podcast is not hosted by someone who has it all figured out. It's hosted by someone who's committed to the journey and willing to be honest about where she still has growing to do. Ladies, that is kingdom leadership, not perfection, honesty, commitment, and the willingness to keep laying it down every time God shows you something that needs to go. And that's hard. It can be really, really hard. I want to take a moment and name some of the signs that you may still be leading from, the framework the world gave you, even if you love God, even if you're serving faithfully, even if you're doing all the right things on the outside. You lead from a need for approval rather than a place of assignment. Every decision you make is filtered through what other people think. You adjust your voice, you adjust your vision, and you adjust your values based on the room you're standing in. You would rather be liked than obedient. Oh. That might sting a little bit. And when someone's unhappy with your leadership, it does not just stay. It destabilizes you. Because your identity is still tied to the approval of people rather than the approval of God. The second side I want to tell you is that you confuse busyness with faithfulness. And I have done that myself. The world told you that more is always better. More effort, more hours, more output, more visibility. So you fill every moment, you say yes to every opportunity. Guilty. And you wear your exhaustion like a badge of honor. Yep, I'm guilty on that choke, too. But busyness is not kingdom value, fruitfulness is, and you can be extremely busy doing things God never asked you to do. The third is you lead from a place of striving. So there's a consistent low-grade anxiety underneath everything, feeling that you are always behind, that you're always needing to catch up, always one misstep away from losing what you've built. That's not the fruit of kingdom leadership. That is the fruit of leading in your own strike. Jesus said, Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. He was not just talking about a Sunday afternoon nap. He was describing a posture of leadership. And I'll be the first to tell you that I am still working on this one wholeheartedly. And I can tell you that a week ago, I was feeling the frustration. I was feeling the anxiety of being afraid that I'm one misstep away of losing what I'd built. And then I had to take a step back. And I had to remember that he's the owner. I'm just the steward. I don't know if anybody else can resonate with that, but I hope I'm not allowed. The next one that I want to talk to you about is you struggle to receive because you're more comfortable giving. This one's really subtle, but it is real. The world taught you all along that leaders give, and that is true. The kingdom leaders also receive from God and from community. And when you cannot receive help, when you can't receive correction or encouragement or blessing without deflecting it, that's a sign that your worth is still wrapped in what you produce rather than who you are. Matthew 11, 29 to 30 says, Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Because I think sometimes we do not step into new because we can't quite see what it looks like. A kingdom leader leads from identity, not a chief. She knows who she is before she knows what she does. Her worth is not on the table every time a project succeeds or fails, every time someone affirms or criticizes her. She's grounded. Not because she has it all together, but because she knows whose she is. She protects her time with God, not because it's on her calendar, but because she has learned that everything else flows from that place. She's not less productive. She is more fruitful because she's not running on fumes. She's running on grace. And a kingdom leader leads from community, not isolation. She stopped pretending she can do it all alone. She has other women around her who speak into her life, pray over her assignments, and hold her accountable to the calling that God has placed on her. She's not the Lone Ranger, she's part of a kingdom team. And ladies, I can't tell you how important that is. If I didn't have the women around me that I have around me, if I didn't have the words spoken into me that my circle speaks into me, if I didn't have the encouragement that they give me, if I didn't have other women to lift my arms when my arms are tired, I would not be here right now. I would not be sitting in this chair talking to you on the Kingdom Leadership Podcast. That is the leadership God designed for you. Not the version the world handed you, but the version that He wrote on your life before you were born. So you may ask, how do I begin to lay down the leadership that the world gave me? Well, I want to give you three starting points. First, you have to identify what you're carrying that God never gave you. So develop with God and ask him honestly, what part of how I lead came from the world and not from you? What am I doing to earn approval that you never asked me to earn? Ask him what am I striving for that you never told me to change? Be honest with yourself and receive that from him. The second thing you have to do is replace performance with presence. You know, the antidote to performance-based leadership is a deeply rooted, consistent, unhurried presence with God. Not a quiet time squeezed into between everything else, you know, between the 11 o'clock meeting and your 12 o'clock lunch. Not that. Kingdom leadership flows out of that place. Do you know you can't give from empty? Do you know an empty cup can't pour? There's nothing in the cup to pour out if you don't consistently get filled up. And then third, let someone in. Find one woman, one kingdom-minded, truth-telling, praying woman, and let her see the real version of your leadership. Not that polished version, the real one, the raw one, the one that you try and hide from most people. And then tell her what you're putting. Ask her to hold you accountable to leading the new way. Because transformation always happens faster in community than in isolation. Can I tell you isolation is the enemy's playground? He wants nothing more than to get you alone, get in your ear, and get you to begin to believe the lies that he has to tell you. So get around at least one woman who's going to speak truth into you and hold you accountable. So, you know, I always like to give you some homework. So I'm going to give you three reflection questions for this week. Take them to God and your journal. And I've already kind of spoken of them earlier, but gonna recap. The question number one is what specific leadership pattern did the world give you that you've been carrying into your kingdom assignment? And where did it come from? Number two is in what area of your leadership are you striving when God is asking you to rest and trust? Number three, what would your leadership look like if approval from people was completely off the table and obedience to God was the only measure of success? Your kingdom challenge for this week is take one leadership habit that you identified as coming from the world rather than from God and intentionally do it differently. If you've been leading from the need for approval, make one decision based solely on what God is asking, regardless of how it will be received. If you've been striving, protect one hour this week for unhurried time with God before you produce anything. And start small, start with one thing, laying it down as a process, not a moment. So I want to pray over you right now. I want to close us in prayer. And I would just ask that you bow your head. And if you're driving, keep your eyes open and your eyes on the road. It's okay to pray with your eyes open. But, Father, thank you for every woman who's willing to do the hard and holy work of laying down what the world gave her so she can pick up what you designed for her. I pray that you would clearly show her what she is carrying that does not belong to her, the need for approval that is not from you, the striving that has masqueraded as faithfulness, the isolation that has disguised itself as strength. Shine your light on it, Lord, gentleness and with clarity. And as she lays it down, fill that space with something better, with identity rooted in you, with leadership that flows from rest, with a community of women who walk alongside her and the calling you have placed in her life. She was not made to lead like the world leads. She was made to lead like a daughter of the king. Remind her of that today. In Jesus' name. Amen. I want to thank you so much for being here. And if this episode spoke to something in you today, please share it with a woman in your life who needs to hear it. Subscribe so you never miss an episode. And if Kingdom Leadership has been a blessing to you, consider supporting the show using the link in the show notes. Every bit of support helps us reach more women with this message. Until next time, lead whole. Lead obedient and lead with joy. God bless you. Thank you for spending time with me on Kingdom Leadership. If today's conversation encouraged you or brought clarity, take a moment to reflect on what God highlighted for you. Trust Him even when the path isn't clear, because He is faithful to direct every step. New episodes of Kingdom Leadership release every Monday, and I invite you to join me again as we continue pursuing kingdom purpose with faith and intention. Until next time, lead with wisdom, walk in obedience, and trust God with where He's leading you.