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Hey everyone, thanks for sitting with me. And before anyone gets nervous about the episode title, this isn't a woman bashing episode. In fact, the women in the story did exactly what they were supposed to do. They taught me something. The lesson in part was that I was asking them to solve a problem they didn't create. This also isn't an episode about dating advice, red flags, green flags, or any of that. That's not my lane. And plus, there's plenty of content online covering those topics. What I want to share with y'all is what I experienced in those two serious relationships I've had since my wife passed away. Because looking back now, I can see things that I couldn't see at that time. So if you ever tried to fill a void, if you ever looked to another person for healing, or if you ever found yourself searching for something you couldn't quite name, then this conversation might be for you. I'm Chris, and this is the seventh paradigm. When you get advice, take it with a grain of salt. Especially when it comes to grief. Even from this podcast. The first bit of advice came from a man who had lost his wife a few years before I did. He seemed happy and was great to be around, so I asked him how he got through it. And what he said kind of baffled me, but his answer was get a lady friend sooner rather than later. And I thought that was odd advice, but cool, thanks. And I started dating this woman ten months after my wife passed away. This woman was older, smart, sexy, and had a mysterious vibe about her. She flirted with me often, and I was hooked. It took some time and courage to ask her out, but I eventually did. We went to dinner and had a great time. The conversation was awesome. We started spending more time with each other, and we talked about religion, spirituality, and life meanings. She liked talking about Gnostic mythology, about Greek mythology. We talked about Buddhism, semen retention, meditations, tantras, chakras, and energy, and she asked me one time why I wasn't afraid or thrown off by talking about these things. And I said, I've heard all of this before. You see, my my wife was a massage therapist, so she was into all kinds of like holistic healing. She talked about chakras, energy, um meditation, tantra, and all those like woo-woo kind of things. And back then it really didn't register. I was like, okay, you know, that's that's what you're into. And when this other lady started and when this other woman started talking about it, instantly I found something to attach to with her. So I was all in. And for a while it was great. I lost a ton of weight, and I was probably the healthiest I'd ever been in my life. Now, I had some lost some weight prior to dating her because I was counting macros and I'd got down to around 250 pounds. And by the way, weighing your food is so sad and depressing. It sucks in the worst way when you see how much of a serving cereal really is. But you know what, that that's for another time. But anyway, so so I got all the way down to 212 pounds by fasting, and I went pescatarian because the new woman was fasted also, and she was pescatarian. So I attached being healthy to her. My health and my happiness was tied to her. But in reality, it was my discipline and my willpower that got me there, not her. So as the relationship went on, I couldn't talk about my wife. She had this insane jealousy towards her. She hated my tattoos for what they represented, and it turned out to be a not so good situation. Looking back, I think I ignored things that bothered me because I was afraid of losing a relationship. I couldn't leave. My existence was tied to this woman. I was trying to be a husband to her when that wasn't my role. And eventually we split, we went our separate ways. But I learned that my happiness isn't tied to another person. Happiness is an inside job. It was all dependent on me. So I was single again for a while, and you know, I just worked on myself. Sometime later I joined Hinge, you know, the dating app, and I went on a few dates, met some really nice women. But when I was on these dates, I would pay attention to how I reacted to their energy. I paid attention to if I could be myself or if I had to put on a mask. On one date, a woman asked if I had seen any new movies lately, and I told her I wanted to see the new Deadpool of Ring movie because it was coming out in a month or so, and I wanted to see the new Joker movie. She had this disgusted, grossed out look on her face, and she asked, You still watch those kind of movies? Well, thanks for your time. This was fun. I had a great time meeting you. Um, let's not do this again. And so I learned what didn't feel good, and I learned when to walk away. The old me probably would have said, you know what, I don't watch those movies anymore. You're right. I don't like them. But not anymore. And some dates I just wanted to keep going. I just wanted to keep seeing them, but it didn't happen. And Miss El Paso, if you ever come across this, I hope all is well and good. Then I met the second woman I ended up in a relationship with. Again, she was smart, she was beautiful, so sexy, and she was as funny, and she was a good time. We had a lot in common and it was mostly a great experience. This woman actually taught me how to love myself, how to be my authentic self, and not give a fuck what anyone has to say about it. I will always be grateful to her for that. And she always asked about my wife. She was never jealous and referred to to my wife as a sister and just had this reverence for her. I could actually talk about my wife and not feel guilty. I think I'm more grateful for that than anything. We just had philosophical differences on society, marriage, and relationship dynamics. I'm grateful for both of these women to come into my life and teach me those lessons I needed. I don't think I'd be in this position if I didn't meet them, but you never know. And I'm not here to put blame on anyone because Lord knows I'm part of the problem. But they helped put me on track to build the life I want to live. And now when women flirt with me, it's just that a smile, a wink, a high, and I don't romanticize it. Because my next someone has to fit within the life I'm building to complement it, not complete it. The first woman taught me I couldn't hide my past. The second woman taught me that acceptance isn't the same as compatibility. Neither woman was the answer.

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They were part of the lesson. They were part of the journey that helped me find it.

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If this resonates with you, please like and share it. I would greatly appreciate it. And as always, you can find me on TikTok and Instagram at the Seventh Paradigm to keep the conversation going. I would love to hear what experiences you've had with this. So thanks for listening. And always be safe, be blessed, and go build.