The Freedom I Never Wanted

In this episode, Chris explores how life changed after losing his wife, what true independence looks like, and why trusting yourself is an important part of moving forward.

If you’ve ever caught yourself explaining your life to people who weren’t asking for an explanation, this conversation is for you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hey everybody, thanks for checking in. It's July 4th weekend, and I hope everyone was safe and enjoyed some festivities. In today's episode, I want to talk about our own agency and how taking ownership of our decisions can make a world of difference in our life. If that's something you never thought of or dealing with now, this episode is for you. I'm Chris, and this is the seventh paradigm. A couple weeks ago, I was making a Costco run. I was on the phone with one of my dearest friends, and instead of taking her inside Costco with me, I told her I'd call her back when I was done. She knows how much I love my Costco runs, so she asked what I was getting. I said water, chicken stock, and something else. I said $30, $40 tops. When I called her back, she asked how it was. And I said I spent $125, but I got me a new cast iron griddle, some glass meal prep containers, which I love by the way, fruit, and of course my original list. She said, Chris, it was supposed to only be $40. We both laughed and kept on our conversation. But there's something about that interaction that had me thinking about it for weeks. I didn't have to explain myself to her. We're not dating, we're not in a partnership, just really good friends. But my instinct was to explain myself to her even though that's not her role. About halfway through I caught myself. Why am I explaining this? She never judged me. She never implied I had done anything wrong. The conversation wasn't about Costco anymore. You know, we laughed and, you know, I just kept thinking about that. You know, why did I go there? But for almost 20 years, I had someone I shared every decision with. Not because my wife demanded it, but because that's what marriage is. You don't think about it. You just naturally start living as a team. Then one day that team is gone. When my wife passed away, I didn't just lose her. I lost a life that made sense to me. And I was left with a freedom I never wanted. At first it was awful. Every decision reminded me that I was making it by myself. Every grocery trip, every holiday, every home repair, every meal, everything. But here's what surprised me. Somewhere over the last few years that unwanted independence became confidence. Not confidence because I wanted to be alone, confidence because I learned I could handle being alone. That's the difference. So when I caught myself explaining a Costco run, it threw up a warning sign. Not because I was talking to a friend, but because I realized I was still acting like I needed permission to make ordinary decisions. I don't. And maybe neither do you. Now don't misunderstand me. If you're married, talk to your spouse. If your decisions affect your family, absolutely include them. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about those moments where we justify ourselves out of habit, where we explain things that don't need explaining. Where we ask for approval we no longer need. Healing has taught me something. I don't have to defend my peace. I don't have to justify buying groceries. I don't have to explain why I spent my Saturday working on my house or why I decided to chase a new opportunity or why I dream about a different future. I'm not asking permission anymore. I'm simply living a life that's in front of me. And would I trade all of this independence to have my wife back in a fucking heartbeat every single time? But since that's not the life I've been given, I'm going to live this one well. And maybe that's what freedom really is not doing everything by yourself, but trusting yourself enough to stop apologizing for moving forward. And I've learned to trust myself over the years. I've learned to make decisions that I've learned to make intentional decisions. I live life intentionally. And when I make plans, it is it all aligns with where I'm going, how I'm moving forward. And I think that's the secret sauce to it. It wasn't always the case. And when people talk about freedom, they talk about autonomy, they talk about all these things on social media. But when you have that freedom, it's not always what it seems to be. And sometimes that freedom comes when you're not expecting it. And sometimes, like me, you have to learn how to live with it. So you know, it's it is it's a blessing and a curse. You know, but I've learned. I've learned how to make do. I'm doing the best I can. And that's all that I ask myself to do. So, guys, if this resonates with you, please share it with someone who might need to hear this. And as always, follow me on Instagram and TikTok at the Seventh Paradigm. I promise to get some content going up. Um, but I'm just learning as I go with this thing. But as always, be blessed, be safe, and go build.