Conversations With Myself (and sometimes other people)
Navigating the crises of American millennial life through inner dialogue, character bits, mediocre impressions, the occasional sit down conversation with a real person, and other questionable acts of "creative expression".
Conversations With Myself (and sometimes other people)
"Devlin After Dark" #2 on News Talk Radio AM 690
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"If you're too stupid to drive, you're too stupid to vote!"
- Clark Devlin
Good evening, my fellow Americans. I'll get right into it today, because I am pissed as hell. I missed my flight this morning because of incompetence and stupidity of these dopes that run the Sleep Well Hotel. First of all, what's the point of reserving a hotel room anyways? When they're just gonna give you whatever hell room they got when you get there. I've reserved a king size bed. Ah, Mr. DeVlin, we only got two double. I'm sorry, sir, that room is no longer available. It was available when I made the reservation, you moron. I booked and prepaid weeks ago. You got my money, and yet in your incompetence and stupidity, you didn't remove that room from your availability. Who the hell was running these hotels anyway? Some Gen Z kid at the front desk. Couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl, but what else is new with these young people these days? So confused. I'm surprised they didn't ask me what my preferred pronouns were. So after giving them a piece of my mind, they gave me the presidential suite. Which is the least they could have done at that point. I get settled in. Then I call down to the front desk and requested a wake-up call for 5 a.m. I said it's very important that you call me at 5 a.m. because I have a flight to catch. You understand? They said, Yes sir, Mr. De Blin. I wake up at 7 a.m. and miss my flight. No wake up call. How hard can it be to make a damn wake-up call? A monkey can make a wake up call. This whole country needs a wake-up call. So I had to book another flight. I get to the airport. Right before it's time to board the person at the desk gets on the PA to announce they had overbooked the flight and that they need five people to volunteer to take a different flight. For a voucher. What is this? The Sleep Well Airlines? I thought you had to pass a drug test to work for the airlines, but apparently any Tom, Dick, and Harry that smokes dope can get a job there. Maybe we should have robots take everyone's jobs. Robots can't smoke dope now, can they? Speaking of AI, Congress just voted on requiring car manufacturers, beginning in 2027, to have AI technology that runs constant surveillance on the driver and will shut down the car if it detects the driver is incapable of driving. I don't need AI for that. My wife reminds me of how incapable I am at driving every time we're in the damn car. She shouts, watch out! When the car in front of me starts to break. Honey, there are a hundred feet in front of us. If there are people not capable of driving, perhaps we oughta make it harder for these dopes to potheads to get a driver's license in the first place. But but Mr. DeVlynn, if you take away their driver's license, they won't be able to vote. Good! If you're too stupid to drive, you're too stupid to vote. Thinks that's too harsh? Sue me. I don't care. We're gonna go to the phone lines. Clean us from Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Go! Hi, Clark. Listen, I was calling in cause uh 'cause uh cause I was listening to your story about the hotel and wake up call. And I was wondering uh uh I was wondering why is it that you didn't use your phone to set an alarm? Now I'm gonna have to cut you off, okay? It's not about that. That's about the principle of the matter. If I'm a paying guest of a hotel, the very least you can do for me is give me a damn wake-up call. Yes, I I know, but but why give them that kind of power over you? Uh uh. Ugh. Sorry, I haven't been on the radio before. You uh missed your flight because you didn't set your own belong. Why do you keep stuttering for? You work for the hotel or the airlines too? You big dope. Our founders would be absolutely besides themselves at what our country has turned into. This level of brain rot may be too much to overcome. Liberalism is not just a mental disorder, it's the downspiral of the greatest nation this world has ever seen. Does anybody have a brain anymore that doesn't look like Swiss cheese from all the dope? Let's take a commercial.