Conversations With Myself (and sometimes other people)
Navigating the crises of American millennial life through inner dialogue, character bits, mediocre impressions, the occasional sit down conversation with a real person, and other questionable acts of "creative expression".
Conversations With Myself (and sometimes other people)
Wenches Gone Wild
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(not a podcast episode). For my wench wife and her wench friends.
Three wenches rolled through the festival gate
Corsets tight and already late
Friendship bracelets on every wrist
Texas sun and a mead-drunk bliss
One cried “HUZZAH!” with glass flasks held high
One stole flowers from a knight ridin’ by
One danced wild in the dusty lane
When the bagpipes howled like summer rain
HEY!
Raise the mugs and let ‘em fly!
We’ll drink the barrels bloody dry!
Laugh beneath the firelit sky!
Three wenches wild tonight!
Steak on a stick and boots full o’ dust
No thoughts o’ bills or jobs they distrust
Bottles upon bottles o’ honey-brewed gold
Singin’ sea shanties loud and bold
And four times daily — gods help their souls —
To the Spice Boys pirate show they’d roll
Screamin’ for captains with eyeliner black
Throwin’ roses and never lookin’ back
“SHAKE THAT BAGPIPE!” the tavern cried
As pirates swaggered side to side
The wenches danced till their knees gave way
Then lined right up to watch again
HEY!
Raise the mugs and bang the drum!
Forget the place ye came here from!
Dance until the morning sun!
Three wenches wild tonight!
Then staggerin’ into the Polish Pub
Where the fiddler played fierce and rough
The “Ménage à Moi” fools took stage
And the crowd went mad in a drunken rage
A man in tights with a devilish grin
Sang alleyway ballads both foul and dim
“THERE’S A GLORY HOLE IN THE ALLEY-OH!”
And the whole pub clapped to the filthy show
CLAP! CLAP!
Stomp your boots upon the floor!
Laugh until your sides are sore!
Order three more mugs or four!
Three wenches wild tonight!
The knights came thunderin’ into the ring
Steel clashin’ loud while the drunkards sing
“RED KNIGHT! BLUE KNIGHT! BREAK HIS NOSE!”
The crowd stomped harder row by row
Sparks flew high from the swordfight blaze
Ale-soaked cheers through the smoky haze
And when the fireworks split the night
The three wenches laughed till mornin’ light
No rent due
No work calls
No worries stalkin’ castle walls
Just pipes and drums and mead gone flat
And pirate lads in leather hats
HEY!
Raise the mugs and sing once more!
Till we collapse upon the floor!
Leave your troubles at the door!
Three wenches wild tonight!
“MEAD! MEAD! MEAD! MEAD!”
“SPICE BOYS! SPICE BOYS!”
“HUZZAH! HUZZAH!”
Through the fireworks burnin’ bright
Three wenches vanished into the night
Friendship bracelets, muddy feet
And hearts still poundin’ to the Celtic beat.