Amateur Hour In Blue Ridge

"When you loan your friend money, you are no longer their friend.  The primary relationship is now slave and master."

-Redneck Dave Ramsey 

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:06

Well hey guys, um we're all here doing something. I guess we could call this a podcast. We got uh Tim Shady in the house again today. Yo yo, how's it going? We also got EDP. Yeah, pussy445, man. What's up, nigga? Shit. And we got deadbeat Steve. Except he's not here in the studio yet, because he's off somewhere beating deadbeat. Probably rolling another blunt. Because, you know, 30 minutes ago, it's been too long. So, anyways. Don't have an agenda here. But this is dead air. Nobody wants to listen to this shit.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

You got anything to say? Don't don't be so hard on yourself. Come on.

SPEAKER_04 1:03

Yeah, it's all good and fun. Yeah, bro. We're all having just having a good time. Oh, Deadbeat Steve. Just walked in the studio. Come on. Deadbeat. Come on over. Welcome Deadbeat Steve Steve.

SPEAKER_02 1:16

You're next on the price is right.

SPEAKER_04 1:21

What would you like to say?

SPEAKER_02 1:23

Did you pay your child support this month?

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Nah, I um I told her them two punches were good enough for me. And um, you know, what's funny is uh what's uh the problem with two black eyes?

SPEAKER_04 1:43

Uh eyes or guys?

SPEAKER_01 1:45

No, uh what's it's a problem with two black eyes? Nothing I ain't told her twice.

SPEAKER_04 1:55

Debbie Debbie Steve, everybody.

SPEAKER_05 1:58

Woo!

SPEAKER_04 2:00

There you go, yeah. Domestic abuse. That's what we're all about here on the pod.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

Yo, you okay there?

SPEAKER_01 2:21

God. I need a break.

SPEAKER_04 2:29

Well Well, we're gonna have to go to our first studio break, everybody. We'll be right back. Alright, we're gonna go back. We're gonna go to the phones. We got a first caller from Oh, this must be a Gen Z because he just left some initials and a number instead of a real name. EDP4545. Go. Hey, what's up, man? So, like, I've been listening to your podcast, right? And like, I was just wondering, like, is Trump really a pedophile, man? Like, I I seen his name in the FC files and shit, bro, but like, I don't know, man. I AI and stuff. I can't really tell these days, you know. Mr. Producer. I just gave you the biggest raise of your career. And you can't do a better job screening these collars before they call in. Get out of here, you big dope. What'd I say, man? I I'm speaking the truth. Oh, you haven't hung up yet? Well, I'm gonna hang up for ya. Click. Alright. Got our next collar. All I see on the line here is deadbeat Steve. Got a lot of deadbeats in this country. Especially in the podcast business. And the woke Reich. Like Techrika Tarlson and mediocre Megan Kelly and little Adolf Fuentes. Alright. Let's see what we got here, Deadbeat Steve. Go.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

Yeah. Um, what's up, man? So I just um wanted to say I don't really think it's cool how you defend pedophiles and um how you support oppressive people, and I d I just wanted to like say something about that. Um I just I mean I just have like an opinion, I think.

SPEAKER_04 4:36

What is it with you people and your obsession with pedophiles? I mean, you people are sick.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

I mean, um I'm not obsessed with children, I don't think.

SPEAKER_04 4:58

And neither was Michael Jackson. But that didn't stop him now, did it? Guess I'm talking about anti-pedophile now.

SPEAKER_02 5:11

What's funny is that he's like that beat sea, he's gotta be a pedophile. He's like calling and trying he like he's trying to absolve guilt in his own life.

SPEAKER_05 5:24

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:26

So we're just we're just capturing raw content. That's it. So you gotta just start talking about something. Just go away for a while.

SPEAKER_02 5:33

So deadbeat Steve, this is Tim Shady. Um question. So what is that about pleasing women? Can you not do it?

SPEAKER_04 5:44

Um I mean I I just Okay, first of all, but before you go any further, our sister is in here with us right now, and this is not exactly what I had in mind. But uh, you go ahead, continue deadbeat.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

Um I don't I mean, I don't know. I I I see men talking about how the the clitoris is a maze, and I just I don't know where it is, man. I d I just can't find it. And you sure um I I don't think this is talked about enough, man. I think people need to realize that this is a real struggle.

SPEAKER_04 6:22

Well, us men can't find anything in general. Like I open the door to my fridge and I look straight at the item I'm looking for and I still don't see it. And I'm like, babe, where's the ketchup? And it's like literally right in front of me. So I think that's our we have a fundamental flaw in our just how we are. Yeah, dude, don't ever think it. I'm not saying you're wrong. It may not exist, but I think we have some plausible deniabilities, is what I'm getting at. Hannah, would you like to chime in?

unknown 7:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

You don't want to talk about the clectorus. Caleb Connery just likes to talk to his imaginary friend Hannah. It's kind of weird. Uh anyways, he's still a great host. Thanks for bringing us out here to the middle of nowhere. Caleb, we appreciate it.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

Yeah, I really appreciated the uh the bed bugs. I got it. My one of my toes is infected already.

SPEAKER_04 7:25

What connection would those have? Why are people needing to text me at 11, 19 at night? Yeah, my bed was nice and sticky too. Sticky? Yeah, sticky. But I didn't really mind it since I was tired anyway, so I just slept in the uh Bro brought us all the way out here just to have this podcast right now.

SPEAKER_02 7:47

Because he said we're gonna make a lot of money. And I haven't seen anything yet.

SPEAKER_04 7:55

First of all, this was not my idea to do this. Y'all were the ones that said, hey, you you should bring your podcast equipment, bro. And I said, Really? Do I have to? Because that means I gotta like just take it all down and set it all up only for you, deadbeats, not to have anything to say. No content, no ideas. It's like you smoke too much dope.

SPEAKER_02 8:18

Kale, our hosts, I th I think you're the one struggling for content, bro. Yeah, why are you putting the blame on us? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:25

Can you finish a sentence without saying bro? Is that possible? Yes. First time for everything. I feel like Ethan's got some ideas. Oh, excuse me. EDP 4545, he's got some ideas. Just draw off the government name, man. I just want to talk about, you know, my struggle with pleasing woman. You know. Uh my first experience personally wasn't a good one, but apparently I did a really good job. Too good. Uh, and now she and her friends think I'm gay. Uh I've been spreading that room around, so it's not so nice. Okay, well they're we're obviously missing a big piece of this story. Yeah, I don't really know. Right in the middle, I don't that we're how are we okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:16

You go from really good at it to being perceived as gay by the same people?

SPEAKER_04 9:22

Hmm? By the same same woman, yes. That woman thinks you're gay. No, well, okay, I I didn't explain it enough. Well, clearly. Well, there's gotta be another the reason she thought I was gay was because I didn't want to hook up with her a second time. And then so she was like, Oh, well, you don't want to have sex with me, you must be gay. Right? So that's basically what it was. So why didn't you go back a second time? Uh let's just say I was pretty desperate. The first time you mean? Yeah. Oh, okay. Sure. She was pretty musty, you know. Had about five cats. So that's so that post night clarity hit real hard. Oh, really? Yeah. Uh I couldn't watch porn for like a week, man. You know, just a whole week? Yeah, dude. It was pretty bad. Shit, man. Well, I'm glad you're getting it all off your chest now. Like, we're here for you, bro. Thanks, man. I'm happy to, happy too. Well, um, it is Pride Month, so it's not a bad time to come out and like just officially you know, make this official if you'd like. Yeah, I could benefit from it, you know. How could you benefit? Well, start my own makeup you know, YouTube series or something. James Charles by stuff. Yeah? Yeah. Could do that. Could get away with anything, you know. I did not consent to being recorded. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Okay, so I saw my stepdaughter's really, really hot boyfriend. Let me tell ya. He went to put that switch on, and I felt something I hadn't felt in at least thirty years. I mean, there was liquid in my thighs, my legs, my toes. Man, look at those muscles. Am I a pedophile? I mean, he is twenty-seven. But he's half my age, but I could throw that out the window any second to have a taste of that day. Am I wild for that? Maybe. Am I friggy? Hamelia. I'm gonna be your ASMR assistant today. Who?

SPEAKER_02 12:41

What's your name?

SPEAKER_00 12:42

I'm gonna be your ASMR assistant today.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

Okay, m my name is Slim Tim. What's your name?

SPEAKER_00 12:53

Vic Grim.

SPEAKER_02 12:57

Okay, Thick Grim. I'll let you be my SMR attendant.

SPEAKER_00 13:03

Imagine you're in the middle of nowhere. And there's a basketball court and a nice breeze. My back hurts. Should I ruin the moment? Or should I get drunk and just enjoy it anyway? I don't know. I might ruin somebody's mood, but we'll see how it goes.

SPEAKER_04 13:34

The voice breaks. That's funny.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

I went to go drink my first tonic water. Um about six shots and a little bit of tonic water. Somebody said they thought I had an alcohol problem. Matt, get that shit out of here.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

Oh man, my voice is hurting. Fuck, bro. I have to like manipulate my vocal cords to do that. I just would uh I did one just under recently under doing a manual underwriting. What you'd call manual underwritten. You don't need credit. You don't need credit. That's good, yeah. As long as you're willing to pay in cash up front.

SPEAKER_05 14:21

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 14:23

That's really good. You're following the baby steps to freedom.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

Yeah, I mean, uh using credit's pretty much just being a slave and uh pretty much a slave to the slave master of uh these credit card companies. So uh Steven, have were were you a slave recently?

SPEAKER_00 14:45

Maybe in 1889. I have such a fixation for black people, I think maybe I was one back during the Great Oppression.

SPEAKER_04 14:54

Whoa, whoa, hold on. Got on the call.

SPEAKER_00 14:59

The Great Depression of Black Dead. BBT, BB me. You know, I recently got uh the vagina rejuvenation surgery, and man, I need some like a Jason love to break this in. Sixty-year-old shriveled penis, but at some point that's just not gonna do it for ya. Especially after you close the doll, the hole, man. I mean, you need something to loosen it up again. Maybe a couple more husbands will do it.

SPEAKER_04 15:50

When you loan your friend money, you are no longer their friend. Your primary relationship is now slaverin' master. Right, right. Hello listeners. This is the Dave Framsey show. We have a caller coming in about how he can't afford his uh leash on his house. Oh yeah, hey Dave. Uh yeah, hi, how are you doing? Good, how are you doing? So tell me uh what field are you working? Uh work at Starbucks. Starbucks, huh? Yeah, yeah. Tell me about how much money you make per year. Uh barely twenty thousand. Twenty thousand. And you're telling me off a twenty thousand wage job, you can't afford your house lease. Now why is that?

SPEAKER_02 16:52

Uh Dave, I don't I don't know, man. I just I wasn't getting enough tips in the drive-thru this month.

SPEAKER_04 17:01

There's something about that can't be true. Debbie Steve comes through your drive-thru every morning.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

Yeah, I just haven't got enough tips this month. So you're telling me you you're a whole lost.

SPEAKER_04 17:24

Um let me see. Oh well, you you know what I think? I think maybe if you didn't sp spend so much damn money every morning on your Starbucks coffee and your you know, your Netflix and all that, you you'd be able to afford a a decent minute uh a decent uh living.

SPEAKER_02 17:43

But Dave, I need my Starbucks coffee in the morning. Otherwise I can't work.

SPEAKER_04 17:49

What are you some some kind of bum or something? Living in six and eight housing, aren't you?

SPEAKER_02 17:56

No, uh yeah, I just uh haven't been able to pay my mortgage this month. Um any advice?

SPEAKER_04 18:08

May God help you.

SPEAKER_06 18:11

Stan, you such an asshole?

SPEAKER_04 18:17

This is like this like South Park Stanley's such a fucking ball.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

Screw you can hey hey hey everyone, break it up, break it up. I'm good. We're gonna we're gonna s we're gonna talk about the diversity of Asian cultures, I'm cool. Did you know that Japan and China are actually different country?

SPEAKER_05 18:46

Oh wowichiwa I told you never to come in here.

SPEAKER_06 19:03

So sometimes I feel depressed. I can't go to school every day.

SPEAKER_04 19:20

When you loan your friend money, you are no longer their friend. Your primary relationship is now slaven master.