Episode 28 - Ghosted

When the calls stop, the messages fade, and people you once trusted go silent — what do you do? In this raw and reflective episode, Jeuse Kastoan unpacks the emotional toll of being ghosted by friends, peers, or even family. But instead of spiraling, he explores how silence can be a gift: a call to grow stronger, cut ties that no longer serve your purpose, and build a life that aligns with your true values.

This is for the ones walking alone — and still walking strong.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

This is episode three of Horror Reset. This episode will be titled Ghosted.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

So um judging by the title, you can assume I'm talking about when people disappear.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Um for me, um now at my age, almost 40, uh I keep in touch with a few people, and even then it's like if I go out of my way and message them.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

But I rarely get anyone messaging me unless, you know, I can benefit them in some way, give them information, I can help them out. Uh, but it's never like, oh hey, how you doing? You doing good? How's the family? Everything is good where you at? You be feeling okay? Like it's uh usually never that. It's usually, hey, I need this information on such and such. Uh, do you know anything about this or any way I should approach this?

SPEAKER_01 1:09

Now, for me, it doesn't upset me because in the end, if I can be of service to somebody and help somebody out, I'm all for it.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

I don't mind helping others. I can do that. Especially those who I used to hang out with. If they need help, I help them. There's only one instance where I did not help, and that's because it went against my values.

SPEAKER_01 1:33

And I can leave it at that. But other than that, I help others. Um pretty much since I left the Navy, any group of people that I've hung with, and this includes Japan, San Diego, Houston, uh, I think that's it. Because even in Houston, that's like the majority of my life.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

So Houston, San Diego, in general. All the people that I've come in contact with, all the people that I've worked with, all the people that I went to school with, uh everyone that um I went through the service with, or anything of that nature.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

And those are group of friends that I hung out with, the second that I moved, contact pretty much stopped.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

It's been consistent with all of them. The people that I used to spend time with in Houston before and after I got out of the Navy when I moved back. You know, uh, we hung out, we talked, and then the second that I moved back to California, maybe not maybe not immediately, maybe like a month or two after. All communication ceased.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

I think I even sent a message and said, hey, how y'all been? No response. No one said anything. No one got back to me. No one responded. So that's one friend group.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

Then you have the friend group that I got in San Diego once I got out the Navy, and I had my job or whatever. Yes, I worked with them, so they were like, you know, people that I worked with, but we hung out outside of work, so that was like my friend group. And you know, uh I hung out with them, spent time with them. And then once I moved, I moved near LA, and we kept in contact actually for a little bit, and it was hard to try to, you know, schedule times to hang out because you know I live like an hour or two away. So um we I think we did it maybe once or twice, but it was me going to them. They never came to where I was at. And then eventually, um, once I moved to Maryland, all talking ceased and they stopped keeping in contact completely. Now, the one group in San Diego, the people that I went that was in the Navy with, I kept contact with them up until I moved near Los Angeles. And then we still talked, we still contacted, you know, we did the podcast and stuff like that. And then once I um moved to Maryland, got married, and everything, we I mean, we're in the group chat, but most of the time it's not directed towards me when they're talking, they're talking amongst each other. And literally the only time that we speak is if um I'm needed for information, or if I go out of my way and I see how they're doing. So legit, you know, all of the people that I've talked to, including my day ones, you know, um, values down the line. But even then, you know, I was in the military, everybody has different political views. You still learn to work with them, you still learn to be cool with them because you're gonna be working with these people. So even if you don't agree in some values, you still find value in the person in general just because just because you don't agree on certain things, doesn't mean you can't get along.

SPEAKER_01 5:09

So, you know, still talk to them, still hung out and whatnot.

SPEAKER_00 5:18

And then uh, you know, once uh values come into play on certain things, it's kind of hard to swing that. It's kind of hard to be like, no, that's cool. You know, I I I'll let you rock. You know, you can do that and not have no issue with it. I can't do that. Me being who I am now, I can't do that. When I was younger, I probably could actually. And just be like, whatever, that's them, that's their life. Who cares? But the older I've gotten, the more I've come to really hold strong to values and what I believe in. And if something doesn't align with it, I don't look at it as just uh, oh, this is a value you believe in, whatever, you're cool. To me, it's a little deeper than that. It's like, okay, you believe in this value that I don't agree with. In general, as a person, if this is harming others, how could you align yourself with this thing and then in turn still feel good about taking care of others when you know you're actively part of something that is doing the opposite? Like if this organization doesn't agree with your values, but you still choose to work for this organization, how do you work that in your head to still be okay with working for them knowing that they do harm?

SPEAKER_01 6:40

So it's more than just a paycheck, and it's more than just uh, you know, we may disagree on values, it's like a human decency issue, I guess you could say. I don't know how else to word it. So at that point, it's like, all right, well, I can't, this is not something I agree with.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

Nor is it something that I belong to, and I can't really say that I want to talk to or associate with someone who believes in these things or would participate in these things, so in turn, you know, um talk and cease.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

Just leave it at that. Um, do I have anything negative to say about people who have different values than me? No.

SPEAKER_00 7:32

But um, does that mean I have to associate myself with it and be in line with said people who possibly have different opinions or can do certain things for the dollar even if it goes against values?

SPEAKER_01 7:48

I don't have to. Um so for me, um, all these things happening, like, well, if I just stand strong on what I believe in, this is just what I believe in, then it is what it is.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

Maybe who I am now, I don't really need a lot of friends. I don't really need many friends. Even a few friends. The only friend I really need is my wife, to be honest.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

So for me, it's like, if it goes that far, then so be it. I'm perfectly fine with it. I'm perfectly fine with it.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

And if that means that now as I roll through life, getting towards my 50s, I don't really have a significant friend group. No, that doesn't bother me because I knew really since an early age in my early 20s, at some point I was gonna have to break out on my own and do stuff on my own because no one that I was around was on the shit that I was on. It's not even the shit that I was on, because I wasn't on anything at that point, but I knew what I wanted to strive for and what I wanted to go for. And nobody around me was wanting those things. So I knew at some point I had to go on my own. And I had to be on my own.

SPEAKER_01 9:07

It's just that it took me 28 years to get there. And eventually it happened, and I went on my own.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

But you know, it's uh it's something that you have to learn to accept, and then once you accept it, the more you're in it, the more stronger you get. Because you realize you don't really need to have a big friend group. You really don't need to be around people that you don't agree with. You don't have to. And even then, it's like if I don't agree with you on certain things, if you're gonna be there for me, then who really cares? The only thing is once you get into values that affect how people are treated, if they're treated negatively, then it's hard for me to get behind that.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

And really I I can't and I won't. Like it's not who I am. It's not who I want to associate myself with, and that's just how things go. In the end I knew early on, I was probably gonna be alone anyway. It was just that I didn't have the strength to do it.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

And then once I had the strength to do it, I did it. And even then I was still unsure. Once I got myself out there and took that leap. I was still unsure. And even then, uh once I got out the military and moved to California, I was still doing it.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

I was still unsure. You know, and then um once I met my wife, I I can say I wasn't unsure anymore. I was completely fine with it.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

And then over time, just being with her made me completely fine with it to the point that I don't necessarily look to have friend groups and find strength in friend groups. I find strength within myself. I don't need others to feel stronger. I don't need others to prop me up. Um, I appreciate support, but I've gone so long without support that now I don't feel I really need support. I just need to focus in stay on my grind and basically try to reach whatever goals I'm going towards.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

I don't need people telling me good job. I don't need people to tell me, oh, I see you, you're doing your thing. Don't need it. I appreciate it. But first off, I don't hear that unless it's my wife, which I do appreciate.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

And second off, since I don't hear it in general, since before and after I met my wife, it's like, why do I need other people's validation to feel good about what I'm doing? If I know what my goals are and I'm achieving those goals, and I'm doing it by the book. Then at that point, I don't need your validation to feel good about what I'm doing. I don't need you to tell me good job. I know I'm doing a good job. In a non-arrogant way. And even then, I myself, compared to what you think, I probably still don't even think I'm doing a good job because I still see a whole bunch of inefficiencies that I need to work on to get better. So even if the outside world sees as me doing a good job or me doing great, I myself, there's always room to improve.

SPEAKER_01 12:30

There's always room to get better. So I'm gonna keep on wearing those inefficiencies until I can get myself as close to perfect as possible. And then if I'm not perfect, at least I'll be serviceable and valuable. Um that was uh ghosted.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

And uh, you know, just because you get ghosted and you know the people that you thought you were cool with, they don't um associate with you anymore. Or you make the decision that you can't associate with them because of certain things it you know it happens. The older you get in life, the more your values change, and the more certain things you stand for, and certain things you don't stand for, and certain things you feel like you can align with, and certain things you feel like you you shouldn't and can't align with. So, you know, it's all about life, it's all about progression.

SPEAKER_01 13:18

And yeah, I'm just cast on, and this is how I reset.