Episode 4: You Asked. We Answered.

You've been asking, and we're opening up. In this special Q&A episode, we answer some of your most personal questions—from our parents and whether they met our children, to how grief has changed us over the years and the moments that have shaped who we are today.

We love these episodes because they give us a chance to connect with you beyond the podcast topics and invite you a little deeper into our story. Thank you for your thoughtful questions, your kindness, and for walking this journey with us. We hope this conversation helps you know us a little better and reminds you that healing often begins through honest, human connection.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Welcome back to Love Survives Grief. You will notice that we have swapped sides today. Um, so I'm going to lead these questions. We've got our first few questions that have come in um from you guys. So we're gonna go through and kind of talk about them, answer them, um, and go from there.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

So let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

All right, here we go. We have our first one. I'm not gonna say who they are from. We'll just like say the question. So um, will you eventually go into more detail on each of your parents' death? Go ahead. I feel like we went pretty into detail on my dad's as much as we can. I my dad's is a little tricky because there was a lawsuit involved. Um, and so we did have to sign papers that like we wouldn't mention like the hospital's name, the specific doctors, um, and things like that, from what I remember. I mean, I we had to sign that when we were just a couple days out from him passing away. Um, and so I don't super remember all the details. And plus, my family did a really good job at like shielding me from a lot of that. Um, but as far as like my dad is concerned, that's kind of as much detail as I can go in. Now we could go more to your parents, I'll let you answer that part of it. Um, and my mom is still alive, so I don't have anything to report back on that.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

So between the both my parents, my dad was the first one to die. Um, it was sudden. We did not expect it at all. He was on his driveway with a neighbor. They were working on an older vehicle, which was a manual transmission. My dad was underneath the hood looking at the engine. The neighbor, who was a mechanic, was sitting inside the vehicle, went to turn the engine on, and like I said, it's manual transmission, and it was in gear. The neighbor did not know that. And the vehicle leaped forward and ran my dad over.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

Like completely.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Yeah, my dad fell backwards on the driveway, hitting his head, and then the vehicle continued to roll over him into the street, broke a bunch of ribs, a bunch of spinal damage, nerve damage. My dad was completely unconscious, rushed to the hospital, and he was pretty much in a coma for almost a month.

unknown 2:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

He was he became coherent for a little bit. At the very but I think it was the adrenaline.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

Yeah, not in the hospital though.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Only at the scene.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

And that was really hard for we were here in Utah. I mean, you were able to fly out and like say bye to him and stuff, but it was hard because we were getting like conflicting stories on like your mom had a really hard time accepting where he was. So yeah, that was that was really hard.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

And then two years later, almost exactly, my mom passed away, and that was sudden as well. She my sister found her, or it's actually my sister's boyfriend, found her, found her in the bathroom. We think on the toilet. And it was just I I don't even know what the autopsy said.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

It just was well there was no autopsy. There was no autopsy done on your mom. Remember, we had the option, and the people in California chose not to do it. So yeah, we there's a lot of questions, I think.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

And it was sudden, nobody saw coming.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

So there you go. That's how my parents died.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

We are a ball of fun. So, like we said in the very beginning, every single one of our experiences with death have been very sudden and very traumatic. So, and I have not been there for any of them. That's kind of crazy. Okay. Um, hopefully that answered your question. Um, did any grandparents meet your kids? Now, I took this as like, did our parents meet them? You kind of took it as did like our grandparents meet them. I can say my dad never met my kids. He, I mean, you never met my dad either. Um, my family dies really young, and therefore, definitely none of my grandparents met um our kids. So, either way that that question is read. Um, my mom is alive, however, that is a very, very strained, complicated, toxic relationship. She has met Lincoln a very small handful of times um when he was very little, definitely not that he is older. And I think she has only met Burnley at Cash's funeral.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Viewing and funeral, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Yeah. So that is it for my parents.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

And yeah, my parents were extremely involved in both our kids' lives, all three of them.

SPEAKER_00 5:34

Your mom always came out when we had babies. Yeah. Which was nice because she's a NICU nurse, so just kind of reassuring.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

And they were great grandparents. Yeah. So yeah, I mean, there was it was pretty sad for Lincoln. Took it the hardest because he was the oldest and definitely the closest to my dad. So he took it really, really hard.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Yeah, they had a special bond. Yeah, for sure. Um, and I think as like your mom passed away, Brindley really understood death differently, being so young for all these others. So she her and I talked about it a little when we sat down. Um, that that one was your parents were really hard on her because she was older and she knew them longer and stuff. So it was really hard watching our kids constantly have to go through all of that.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

And what did you say that Lincoln said then when he first found out? I wasn't home. What did Lincoln say when he first found out about my mom dying?

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Um, Brindley actually said it. She came down, and I believe it was not again, not again, not again. Yeah. So with your mom.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

Tells you where their mental state was. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:44

And then our par our kids were also very lucky, and they knew both of your grandparents. They knew both grandpa's grandfathers, but yeah, both of my grandmothers were passed away. Yes. And I mean, Lincoln met your one grandma when he was an infant, but um, and he was very close to um old pop pop, pop leaser.

SPEAKER_01 7:03

My dad's dad.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

Yeah. So, I mean, to your mom's as well. He was just younger when he passed away, but like giants games and and things. So they were very lucky. Your family um were great grandparents and great-grandparents to our kids. So um, another question we had is why did we choose to release our episodes on the first and 17th? Why not weekly? And why those specific dates? So I will say the top the topics that we talk about are heavy. And I do feel like if we were to release them every week, there's not enough time to kind of pull ourselves together, like as us talking through it, but also for you guys as listeners. It's a lot to digest. It is emotionally heavy. Sometimes it might be triggering. Um, and so we want to make sure that there was ample time to process and to make sure we're giving every topic the justification that it deserves. And so we really did space it out. Now, why the first and seventeenth?

SPEAKER_01 8:12

The first um Cash was born on April 1st, so that was his birthday, and the 17th was he passed away on November 17th.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

So those dates just kind of naturally felt they went within that two-week grain, and and they just felt natural. Um, and what a time to release them, you know. Um, this one's kind of loaded. I think I want to come back to that one. Um we'll come back to that one. We'll do this one. Does Sean have any siblings?

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Yeah, I have two younger sisters, so I'm the oldest boy, oldest and only boy.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Nice short answer there. Um, have you taken any family pictures since Cash has passed away? And how did you navigate that? Uh, this was very hard to do. It still is one of the harder things for me to do because my family is not together. Yeah. Um, I'm trying to think the like the way to explain this. You were really good at you wanted family pictures, and I don't think you did them a lot when you were younger. And so for you, they they do mean a lot. They mean a lot to me as well. But it was very, very hard to look back at a picture and be like, well, that's not everyone. Like, so that was really hard for me. Um, I will say we had a phenomenal the very first time that we took, and only time that we've taken like real professional family photos since Cash passed away. We had a phenomenal photographer. Shout out to Lonnie.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

Um who actually knew Cash.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Yes, she took his Santa, well, all of our kids' Santa pictures, which are the most treasured pictures that I think we have.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

How many weeks before Cash passed away were those taken?

SPEAKER_00 9:57

Two.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Two weeks.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

Yeah, it was the very beginning of November. Um and we ended up getting those proofs back like the day before he passed away. So we ended up reaching out to her about a year later asking if she would take on a project that somehow could include Cash. She took his silhouette, and one of my favorite ones is us standing in a line, and um our kids have their hands out, and Cash's silhouette is in the middle holding his hands. And it is just such a powerful image of he's not physically there, but he is oh, I'm gonna cry. Um, but he is still very much so there. And when I got that proof back, I just remember being speechless. Um she did a couple like that. She did one where he's sitting and our kids are playing in the leaves around, and and you know, again, his silhouette is is just there. And those were phenomenal pictures. Um, she also included a couple where it was just like his his mousse and his blanket um and things like that. So I do think it was hard. Um, definitely, those first ones. It still is hard, like I mentioned, but find somebody that can treasure and bring to life what you need in that moment. And I think we needed in that moment in that first year and stuff, because it actually ended up um we took them during infant loss awareness month, which is in October. Um and she was just phenomenal. She was so respectful. She under patient, yeah, and she understood all of it, you know, the tenderness of it and everything like that. And since then, we usually include a picture, this picture right over here. Usually one of our kids is holding him um that picture or something like that. Um, so do you have anything else to add on family pictures? Um, how do you include your loved ones who have passed away in your everyday life? I'll let you answer or start that one.

SPEAKER_01 12:10

Just keeping the memory alive, talking about them, vocalizing, verbalizing memories with our kids.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Yes, especially with our kids, and we still celebrate them. We still write on the calendar all of our parents' birthdays, obviously, Cash's birthday. We celebrate their heaven date, and that sounds a little funky, like not that it's a happy day by any means, but it's a day where we are definitely more graceful and patient with each other, where we do things together as a family. Um and I know those days for your parents, you know the day for my dad. And so we tried to make sure that we keep their memory alive in all aspects. But I think a huge one is sharing those stories. Do you remember we used to um we haven't pulled it out because like DVD players aren't really a thing anymore? But we used to watch my dad's video all the time. Like Lincoln loved watching it.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

A slideshow. Yeah. Yeah, I have slideshows for my grandma.

SPEAKER_00 13:14

Yeah, and you made one for your grandpa and stuff. Yeah, our kids have always loved looking through pictures and videos and things like that. So even though our kids have not met my dad, or you know, as they get older, unfortunately, memories with your parents are going to kind of fade away some. I've never really questioned if they'll remember or not, because we do talk about them all the time and we do celebrate them and we do things that they enjoyed, you know. Lincoln has taken up fishing like your dad loved to do, because that was one of his fun memories with him. And we talk all the time, oh, pop-up would be so proud of you for this, or when he does it, oh, he'd be he'd be so mad right now. Like, how did you waste so much time? So, including those jokes and those lighter moments, um, but also having the hard conversations about it, so about death and stuff. And I think that is just as time has gone on, has become more natural to include them in it in a healthy and also traditions, like so.

SPEAKER_01 14:17

She said fishing, something that I really shared with my dad was barbecue and baseball. So, I mean, those things are in our daily lives almost every single day.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Yeah. And like, oh, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

And I talk I share that with Lincoln that I share stories about when I barbecued with my dad or when we were certain baseball games that stuck out.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Yeah. And Brindley has asked to take up barbecuing and stuff, and you know, you and Lincoln go to the opening game for a giant, so that is traditions are a huge part of it for sure. Um, this was the one that I had skipped over. This will be our last one. How has your grief changed over time? That is a loaded question.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

It evolves, it's but it's also a roller coaster. Yeah, it doesn't necessarily always get better.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Oh, I 100% believe that. Yeah, I think it's I think you learn to cope, cope to accept eventually. It takes a very long time in the beginning, um, regardless if it's a sibling, a parent, a grandparent. I think it takes a very long time in the beginning um to accept it. But I agree, like it it is still definitely there. And I've had people for years kind of say, like, oh, I don't I don't know how you do it, and and all these things. And the the truth is, neither do I.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Like survival mode.

SPEAKER_00 15:46

Yeah. And you know, it is including them in everyday lives, it is all of these other things, it doesn't make it easier by any means. And there are still days like you you anticipate that on November 17th, it's going to be hard. You anticipate that infant loss awareness month is going to be hard, or birthdays and things like that. Um, birthdays in general are very hard for me. My own birthdays, my other kids' birthdays, because Cash never had one. So birthdays in general are very hard for me.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

Um the whole month of November is hard for me.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

And you anticipate that. But what's important, or what people I think don't realize, is there's also 300 other days of the year that any moment you're back at square one on that grieving train and you have no idea what set it off. You have no idea if it was a song or you know, you could be in the grocery store and you hear a baby crying. Like you have no idea what it is that is going to put you back at that beginning. Um, and in the beginning, when that would happen to me, it would take me a very long time to be able to muster up the courage to go back out and to even just get out of bed. But now it's like, okay, I can understand a little bit more, I know a little bit more my own mental health and like how it's going to be affected, and I can allow myself a little bit more grace. Um, I don't even know if any of that makes any sense. But it does, like you just kind of, I don't want to say roll with the punches, but you kind of have to, you know. Um so it changes a lot, but it also is it's very similar a lot of the time. And anytime somebody else passes away, you're back at square one. Like for me at least. Like, you know, are your parents passing away after Cash? It was a very different situation for both of them, but so many of those thoughts and emotions came right back, and then you're almost dealing with well, you are, you're dealing with Cash's death again and your parents' death and and things like that. So it has definitely changed, it's definitely evolved, but it's also kind of the exact same.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Yeah. I mentioned in a previous episode that I live with the fear that who's gonna die next? Somebody in our family's gonna die, and who's it gonna be? And you you walk around, you never know when, but it's just always on like on my shoulder or voice in my ear, like, who's gonna die next?

SPEAKER_00 18:33

Yeah. Especially like scary you as a truck driver when you don't answer my phone or something, like, because especially in wintertime when you're working overnights and you don't answer my phone call, I'm like, oh my gosh, what happened? Like, you do kind of constantly live in this like worst case scenario, or like when our own kids, you know, when Lincoln doesn't answer his phone, or when I can't get a hold of him, I'm like, what what happened? Like, what's going on? So you do, it's almost constantly waiting for like that other shoe to drop. And I think especially because we were boom boom boom boom boom with these experiences, you know, and then that jealousy of when you hear friends that are like, Yeah, my great great grandma's still alive. I'm like, What? Like, how?

SPEAKER_01 19:14

Yeah, I definitely suffer from a form of PTSD where I had a traumatic event, I've had multiple traumatic events in my life, but this was finding cash in his crib passed away was probably the most traumatic event I've had in my life, and so I struggle big time for sure.

SPEAKER_00 19:33

Definitely, and we will definitely spend an episode on on that and just kind of let you talk and go into that. But as always, please feel free to reach out to us at Stephanie at cash's corner dot or g. That's a K for cash and a K for corner.