Sarah Coffey is at least 25% Evil

Welcome to Heaven, Sarah Coffey! Actress, comedian, vocalist, movie star and great gal, Sarah is ready to dazzle in Heaven -- but will an eleventh-hour confession damn her to Hell? Listen and find out!

If you like the podcast, drop us a rating! Or - what the hell - share it with a friend. :)

Tune in every week to hear comedians and cool people defend their choices with eternal consequences. Ex-evangelical Zach Zimmerman -- me! -- hosts. :)

If you're a fan of comedy podcasts, maybe you'll be a fan of this one!

Follow Judgment Day on social:

https://www.instagram.com/judgmentdaypoddd/

https://www.instagram.com/zzdoublezz/

https://www.tiktok.com/@zzdoublezz

Follow our guest Sarah Coffey!

https://www.instagram.com/scoffeyx/

https://www.tiktok.com/@scoffeyx

Email your moral dilemmas to:

judgmentdaypoddd@gmail.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

How would you seek revenge on an axe?

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Success.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Period.

SPEAKER_03 0:10

Now you have not even gone to heaven, you'll be interviewed by an entry level.

SPEAKER_05 0:36

I'm Sarah, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 0:37

Nice to meet you. That was so sweet.

SPEAKER_05 0:41

Yeah, well, you gotta you have to be nice to the to the people you're in the room with.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

To the the less.

SPEAKER_05 0:46

Because I am a good person.

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Oh my god. Performative. Am I the first person to talk to you? Performative much. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 0:54

Really? Yeah. You're kidding. No. Would you call yourself an engineer?

unknown 0:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 0:58

That's what I would call him too.

SPEAKER_01 0:59

Yeah. He he keeps track. This is uh Paul. He's uh also an entry-level angel, and he's been tasked with um keeping keeping this on track.

SPEAKER_05 1:10

Great. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Welcome to heaven, Sarah Coffee.

SPEAKER_05 1:14

Yes, thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Actress, comedian, and now dead person.

SPEAKER_05 1:19

Sadly.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Do you want to see how you died?

SPEAKER_05 1:21

Yes, please.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

You um your Katy Perry impression was a little too good because one of her fans, a woman, kidnapped you and made you sing nonstop, and you actually died by singing. Oh first ever on record, death by singing.

SPEAKER_05 1:38

You know, it sounds like something I would do. So I'm not surprised.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

30 seconds on the clock.

SPEAKER_05 1:45

30.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

I've we've found that 60 is too long.

SPEAKER_05 1:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

From uh keeping it tight. People run out of uh why do you think you belong in heaven?

SPEAKER_05 1:55

Oh, I I probably wouldn't run out of things to say because I there's just so many things. I mean, for one, I walked in here today, said hello to the engineer, asked the engineer what his name was. Which was which was Grant William.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

Don't help her.

SPEAKER_05 2:14

Being bad with names does not exclude me from any level of heaven. Paul has been erased. Paul.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

One of the people.

SPEAKER_05 2:21

Like Paul Frank, like the monk, like the monkey shirts.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

No, like Saint Paul, like the Bible.

SPEAKER_05 2:26

Okay, right. Is that what your parents are thinking of? Not the And that's 30 seconds.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

I'm convinced. Frankly, I'm convinced. She belongs in heaven.

SPEAKER_05 2:35

I mean, I'm the first guest to say to say hello to Paul.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

I is that a philosophy you have? Talk to everybody.

SPEAKER_05 2:43

Well, it's not a philosophy. I think um I just when you walk into a room and there's only the three of us, it's a little weird.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

A little peek behind the curtain to not our listeners thought we had a full studio audience that just hadn't yet made noise.

SPEAKER_05 2:59

Right, of course.

SPEAKER_01 2:59

Well a hundred uh student interns observing.

SPEAKER_05 3:03

I'm not counting the students. They don't count as people to me.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

And you're doing great. Keep it down. Keep it down.

SPEAKER_05 3:10

Right. So I I I I just feel like, you know, it's it's nice to include people in things. It's horrible to not include people in anything.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

It's very bad. I'm reading a book that says it's the worst thing. What book are you reading? Secure by the guy who wrote Attached.

SPEAKER_05 3:26

Oh, I read Attached.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

One of the co-authors, Amir, has a follow-up called Secure.

SPEAKER_05 3:32

No way.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

What did you think of Attached?

SPEAKER_05 3:34

I mean, I read it years ago when I was attached.

SPEAKER_01 3:37

So you're anxious?

SPEAKER_05 3:39

Anxious. I was. I'm not anymore, actually. And I don't think it's because of the book. But I think the book helped.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Book helped.

SPEAKER_05 3:44

It's like you read these books and then you just time and trauma. I think time and trauma sort of gets you out of that. That's interesting.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

Mindset. Oh, okay. Losing the halo.

unknown 3:56

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 3:56

What do you think? Oh, it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

Um you make an interesting point that when you read a book, you will have grown by the end of reading it naturally.

SPEAKER_05 4:06

Hopefully.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

Time will have passed and you will be a little wiser.

SPEAKER_05 4:09

But sometimes you read a book and you forget it real quick.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

All the time.

SPEAKER_05 4:16

Every book I've read. I don't remember a single book. I just remember the feeling I had when I read the book.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

They don't that's what they say about books. You don't remember what was written in the book, you just remember how it made you feel. And attached made you feel some type of way.

SPEAKER_05 4:28

I think it was like like I had already read like Awareness by Anthony De Mello and like have you read that book?

SPEAKER_01 4:34

No, is that attachment theory also?

SPEAKER_05 4:35

It's it's like Buddhism adjacent. Okay. But he was a Catholic priest, and people think that he was like murdered by the Catholic Church because he was like venturing into like Buddhism and other things. It's actually quite interesting.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

It's very Catholic to murder someone you disagree with. So that checks out in the church.

SPEAKER_05 4:52

Tell that to the cops.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

Uh oh. So you read awareness, got more in tune with yourself.

SPEAKER_05 4:57

And then I read like the the ones that you're supposed to read, and I think attachment was like the fifth one. And at that point, I had like they're all kind of saying the same thing. Exactly. It's like repetitive.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

Like sort of covers. Yeah. I but in in uh secure his follow-up, he talks about it not just for relationships, but he talks about being excluded. They did a little experiment where you're on a vi computer and people are playing frisbee.

SPEAKER_05 5:20

Fine.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

And when they when the two people three You're looking at a computer and you're sitting at a computer and two people are playing Frisbee and they're excluding you. And they looked at your brain and it like is like they're attacking you. Your brain thinks I this is the ultimate threat. Because we've evolved that if you're left out, you're gonna die.

SPEAKER_05 5:39

That's so true.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

And then they did they this is the weird thing, and I don't really know how to feel about it. Okay. They tell you you get money if you're excluded, still hurts like hell.

SPEAKER_03 5:50

No way.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

And then they tell you the two people playing Frisbee are in the KKK, still hurts like hell. You're kidding! Still hurts like hell. A group you don't want to be in, you still feel excluded like that.

SPEAKER_05 6:00

Everybody you want to be well liked by everybody. Everyone, anybody.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

It's a survival thing.

SPEAKER_05 6:04

Whoa. That's why it's so hard to get out of that mindset of like I need everybody to like me.

SPEAKER_01 6:09

We haven't evolved for this.

SPEAKER_05 6:10

No, and I'm not planning on further evolving from there.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Who speaking of you being liked, we gotta log some of your good deeds. Yeah. Um, I'm sure there's people on earth that like you.

SPEAKER_05 6:20

Definitely.

SPEAKER_01 6:21

And um, but first, what percentage evil would you say you are?

SPEAKER_05 6:26

Ooh, I feel like to be a a member of this planet, you gotta be like we're already up to like 25%. Like you can't be pure on this planet. So we're starting at set 25%, right? At this in tw in 2026.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

That's high. That feels that's tough. It's true. That's tough.

SPEAKER_05 6:45

How can you escape doing bad things? Every day I do bad things that I don't want to do, but what am I supposed to do? Go start a garden? Like I can't. I can't.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

You could start a garden.

SPEAKER_05 6:58

In New York, in Flatbush?

SPEAKER_01 7:00

Fair, fair. Sorry, I'm Dotson. Oh wow. Go get her, girls.

SPEAKER_05 7:04

Like, we don't have the green space.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

What are you doing bad right now? Is this bad?

SPEAKER_05 7:10

No. I mean, it's bad that you asked me to come here on a day when it's 93 degrees out. It is. That's your bad, and I did something good by coming here. Yes, even though I was.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

A lot of the guests have been saying they're doing me favors by coming on this. And that uh I is hurtful as we slowly as we build.

SPEAKER_05 7:29

And you know what? I never said the word favor.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

I I'm getting sort of pity. I bet my guests pity me.

SPEAKER_05 7:37

I never said pity.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

And fans.

SPEAKER_05 7:39

I never said I was a fan.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

The early feedback on some of the episodes, someone commented, Zach. I hope I remember it right. Zach, what got us here?

SPEAKER_05 7:50

Ooh.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

And that's tough.

SPEAKER_05 7:52

To a podcast. That's tough. In general.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Yeah. I what? Aren't you supposed to go with me everywhere, fans?

SPEAKER_05 8:03

Come with me. That's selfish. I don't know how you got into heaven. Because you can't just expect people to like everything that you did.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

You're the first person to ask how I got in. Well, how did you get heavy? You're the first person to turn on the tables.

SPEAKER_05 8:14

Well, because I'm a selfless person.

SPEAKER_01 8:16

I did a lot of good things.

SPEAKER_05 8:17

Like what?

SPEAKER_01 8:19

I'm there for my friends.

SPEAKER_05 8:22

Which ones?

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Halcyon.

SPEAKER_05 8:24

What did you do for Halcyon? It's a gorgeous name. I know.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

I tell her her name's Gorgeous. I feel like it's the name of a Boni Bear song or something. Um I know I'm a Taylor Swift fan because my favorite Taylor Swift song is Exile with Boni Bear. I'm actually not a I let Halcyon uh in on my life. I share my my stories with her.

SPEAKER_05 8:51

Still sounds like you're just talking about yourself.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

I'm there when she needs me, which is rare.

SPEAKER_05 8:57

Sounds like she's an independent woman.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

She's pretty independent. And when you got a husband, kids, great family, I'm kind of unnecessary.

SPEAKER_05 9:05

Yeah. Sounds like you're sort of burdening her, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Uh some might say. I'm gonna pay off one day. I'm biding my time.

SPEAKER_05 9:12

Yeah, it'll it'll come. I was thinking on the way over.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Am I a good person? I think I I thought I was three percent bad.

SPEAKER_05 9:17

How often are you thinking about if you're a good person?

SPEAKER_01 9:19

Oh, are you uh thinking of performing it?

SPEAKER_05 9:22

No.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

No.

SPEAKER_05 9:23

Uh because I think that's like an OCD thing.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

For a little while there, I didn't want to cause people harm. I was really that was a really big like freaking out. Like, oh no, I've offended this person. That's terrible.

SPEAKER_05 9:32

Oh wow. That's I mean, that's a good person thing.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Especially in comedy, you want to take a big swing.

SPEAKER_05 9:36

Yeah, have you swung and look cute? Yeah. Sorry, it's not my podcast.

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Yeah, I made an I was dating a girl and then I made a met her friends, and I guess I made an incest joke, and the next day she dumped me, or a couple days later she dumped me. Yeah, I wish on her. I wish I could remember what it was. Because it must have been really good.

SPEAKER_05 9:56

It must have been amazing.

SPEAKER_01 9:57

And she was like, Zach, I don't recognize who you were that night. I'm like, three days prior, I was on stage talking about dolphin sex. Like, what do you mean you didn't expect this? You knew what you were getting into dating a comedian.

SPEAKER_05 10:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Yeah. I think I think I I think other things were going on.

SPEAKER_05 10:12

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

I think maybe I killed when I met the friends.

SPEAKER_05 10:15

Yeah, maybe you were.

SPEAKER_01 10:16

I think I crushed and overshadowed her.

SPEAKER_05 10:18

And that's that's a bad friend and girlfriend to feel like you want someone to be proud of you when you make a good incest joke.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

You're in love, right?

SPEAKER_05 10:26

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:27

Attached, secure.

SPEAKER_05 10:28

Secure.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

That's nice.

SPEAKER_05 10:30

I mean, he's attached.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

Would he say you belong in heaven?

SPEAKER_05 10:34

He's attached. What a little diva. That's true.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Oh my god. Who loves who more?

SPEAKER_05 10:40

He loves me more, but I love him most of all.

SPEAKER_01 10:44

Let's rewind that back. No, I know he loves me more, but I love him most of all.

SPEAKER_05 10:50

Yeah, like you know That's like the end of a Christmas poem. Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

The parents were tall and the children were small. I he loved me, but I loved him most of all. I'm officially dripping to our listeners. Thank God.

SPEAKER_05 11:07

The AC has to be off because the sound gotta hear our beautiful voices. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

You'd rather see me dripping in clear, crystal Dolby surround sound than see me clear faced with a slight.

SPEAKER_05 11:20

Yeah, exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

He would call you good boyfriend.

SPEAKER_05 11:25

Definitely, I think. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

Name a time, name a good thing you did for him.

SPEAKER_05 11:29

I help him with self-tapes all the time, and that's actual torture if you've been in an actor-actor relationship.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

What a nightmare. Are you noting him?

SPEAKER_05 11:37

Sometimes, but I try not to go too far because you could step on people's toes.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 11:42

And you feel too comfortable to be like upset with each other, you know. Like if you go into a place and you do a self-tape at a place or with a a friend who's like you're not like besties, besties with, yeah, like you know to hold back your darkness. But like when you're doing a self-tape, like you're vulnerable and you're you're doing something embarrassing, you know? And so if I give a note, it feels like sometimes it might feel like wow, you hate what I did. And so it becomes if if you've been there, you've been there. And it's truly the most selfless act you could do for can I give a little feedback on that just now? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

I feel like if maybe the emotions were at a 10 and then the body was at like a two, it'd be more compelling. I feel like you're you were leaning on your hands a lot to tell that story. Can we take it from the top?

SPEAKER_05 12:31

Yeah, let's do it. So I've helped my boyfriend with so wait, sorry. Oh, whoa!

SPEAKER_01 12:37

Jumped right out of it.

SPEAKER_05 12:38

You want me to use my hands less?

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Less.

SPEAKER_05 12:40

I feel like that's a bad acting note. Have you taken an acting class?

SPEAKER_01 12:43

No. You haven't? I'm the I'm do leading the self-tapes.

SPEAKER_05 12:47

Are you doing but you're doing self-tapes and you haven't taken an acting class? Which is fine.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

I'm what they call a non a natural, an ingenue.

SPEAKER_05 12:55

Uh gif born born to I don't book.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

But one day I will. I'm just waiting for my age and type to match up, which I think will happen at like 47 or something.

SPEAKER_05 13:09

Me too, me too.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

I think you're too tall.

SPEAKER_05 13:11

I'm exactly sorry.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

Get on the runway.

SPEAKER_05 13:14

If somebody I I've dried.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

They don't want me.

SPEAKER_05 13:19

If somebody casts me in a movie, they always end up making my height like part of the plot.

SPEAKER_01 13:24

They're like, we have to talk about it. It's the elephant in the room. It's the giraffe in the room. Literally. What may I ask? Is it rude to ask a lady her height?

SPEAKER_05 13:33

Uh no.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Six two?

SPEAKER_05 13:35

Yes. I mean like six one and a half.

SPEAKER_01 13:37

Cute. She's rounding down. Is your boyfriend tall?

SPEAKER_05 13:41

Yeah, he's six one. Oh, yeah. I'm a little taller than him, but he would never admit it. But we share clothes.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

That's adorable.

SPEAKER_05 13:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:49

That's sweet.

SPEAKER_05 13:50

It's great, but I got a little on him. I know I do.

SPEAKER_01 13:53

So you're doing these self-tapes with him. It's really selfless. Yes. Selfless self-tapes. Selfless self-tapes. And is he booking?

SPEAKER_05 13:59

Yeah, he is. Wow. I'm literally the best. You know, literally. He's like booking.

SPEAKER_01 14:06

So you think it's a bad note to do less hands?

SPEAKER_05 14:09

Yeah, it just like it's not about the hands. I mean, maybe if I was doing a lot with, but you know what? In my culture, in my family, we're hand, like my mom is always drawing pictures in the sky. Like she when she's and I love that.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

I'm a hand. We were a hands to ourselves, family.

SPEAKER_05 14:26

Really?

SPEAKER_01 14:26

And church, whenever I saw someone going like this, I was always like jealous. And I was like, you're weird.

SPEAKER_05 14:31

Did your parents tell you not to wave?

SPEAKER_01 14:32

No, but I can't. Anyone who's yeah.

SPEAKER_05 14:35

Are people doing this in church a lot? Like they're excited about God.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not waving, but like, yeah, you know, when the hand goes up.

SPEAKER_05 14:42

Like, woo, like this.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

Like Did you grow up in a church?

SPEAKER_05 14:44

No.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

No.

SPEAKER_05 14:45

No.

SPEAKER_01 14:46

Synagogue?

SPEAKER_05 14:47

No. I'm Jewish, but like I just did the holidays. But I went to synagogue and I went to churches and my friends. No, we we like do some bows sometimes. I see, I see. But like um in during the song, like there's a part where you bow, or during a prayer, there's a part where you bow.

SPEAKER_01 15:03

But the Jews are bowing?

SPEAKER_05 15:05

We're bowing.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

I didn't realize that. Only some. The Jews are bowing.

SPEAKER_05 15:08

Yeah, Catholics are bowing. They're kneeling, aren't they?

SPEAKER_01 15:11

Yes. And Protestants.

SPEAKER_05 15:14

Are you Catholic?

SPEAKER_01 15:14

And the Muslims now. Former evangelical.

SPEAKER_05 15:17

I know there's a lot of bowing. There's kneeling there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:20

Should we bow? I'm a lady. Oh no. My nose just ran a little.

SPEAKER_05 15:25

Uh-oh. You got a tissue to you?

SPEAKER_01 15:29

I woke up today, one nostril was running. I don't know if it's the 90 degree situation. Forgive me.

SPEAKER_05 15:34

I've been sneezing all day. No, it's fine. Really?

SPEAKER_01 15:38

It's allergies or something.

SPEAKER_05 15:38

Maybe I have allergies. I've never thought I was like a girl with allergies.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Same. I don't actually know what allergies are. Me either. Pollen? Thing you say you have when you're sick. So they're just like. How do you identify it?

SPEAKER_05 15:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

There's no way.

SPEAKER_05 15:50

There's no way to actually identify it. Maybe I have a cold. Maybe I'm. There's pollen in the air. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

There's a test where they do something with your arm.

SPEAKER_05 15:57

They like put all the things on your arm and they like see it. Like, I don't want to do that. I don't care.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

And I want to do it for like personality types. Like these are the people you're allergic to, or these are the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:10

You should start that as a startup or something.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Startup ideas. You watch a lot of reality TV, Sarah? Yeah, I do. Do you think that benefits or hurts society?

SPEAKER_05 16:21

Whoa. I mean that's a really hard question because I love it.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

We both do.

SPEAKER_05 16:29

I don't think it's hurting society.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

Coming for something you love.

SPEAKER_05 16:36

Yeah, how dare you?

SPEAKER_01 16:37

It's there. Name the bad things about reality TV.

SPEAKER_05 16:40

I mean, you know, no, actually.

SPEAKER_01 16:44

I'm not gonna fight you. I'm just trying to get cooler.

SPEAKER_05 16:46

I never I've never really thought about it, which is actually like not great for me. Like I've never thought about like why is this bad? I mean, somet okay, here's the the obvious one is the most entertaining reality TV is the end is the reality TV where like people are being, you know, borderline abusive to each other. Like we started off on Jersey Shore, you know? We started off on Next, and we started off, you know, like that was that.

SPEAKER_01 17:11

And then when Jersey Shore came, like that was act like there was actual like you know they're they've got some movie now that's like 20 years in and it's hard to watch. What do you do? The Jersey Shore is like we're back, and it was bad.

SPEAKER_05 17:23

I feel like I've seen like clips of like them doing interviews and stuff, and they're some of them are doing great, and some of them are not, and I don't think it's I I feel bad for them, and I don't think it's for us to like look at that.

SPEAKER_01 17:36

It's kind of like child stars from the 90s are reality stars now. Are we taking care of them? No, how's who's checking? But they are adults, who's Snooky's doing good, I think. What a great defense.

SPEAKER_05 17:48

And Jay WoW's doing good.

SPEAKER_01 17:50

I didn't know that was a name.

SPEAKER_05 17:52

You don't know, did you not watch the Jersey show?

SPEAKER_01 17:54

Not really. But I don't think I was allowed.

SPEAKER_05 17:57

Oh, strict household.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

Did I watch it? It was on MTV.

SPEAKER_05 18:01

But yes, the thing about the thing is like we we get excited by these abusive people, but then we also like cancel them when they cross the line that we decide. But it's like we also pushed them to the line because we were excited. Like when I think about like and and that doesn't excuse anything that they've done, but how do we like decide the line? Like when I think about like Vanderpump Rules as like one of the best Bravo shows of all time, like you know, some of those people are really angry at them and want them like off the show, and like because they do horrible things, but we also loved the things that they did like right before they did the horrible thing, which was bad. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 18:42

Yeah, that is interesting. Where they're kind of I don't know enough about Greek history, but I would imagine it's something like there are Greek gods, yes, and we're watching them misbehave, and it's entertaining to see people misbehave. Yeah, but it has up to some point, and then yeah, it is kind of like we're do-it-do. Well, it feels a little like Tyra Banks and Next Time Model. Like you drove, but you liked it, didn't you? Yes, you watched it, didn't you? I didn't watch it, but something at the time. I'm a new adopter. I'm I'm in the love is blind beast game survivor batch of things.

SPEAKER_05 19:17

And we talk about those things. You're you're my reality. Pillar of our relationship. I know it really is. Discussing these things. I need someone to talk to you about beast games.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

No one watched Beast Games. I think it was me, you, and a billion people that don't exist in my reality. No. That have never met me.

SPEAKER_05 19:33

It's actually crazy to me.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

I guess 13-year-old boys consuming it.

SPEAKER_05 19:37

But it's good. The first season of Beast Games is really one of the best things I've ever watched. It's perfect TV. It's perfect.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

And I know people are like, oh, something bad was happening on set. I shouldn't probably say. It was like not union or something. I know, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 19:52

Yeah. We can't be nitpicking every little thing.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

We can't nitpick everything.

SPEAKER_05 19:57

Oh, you crossed a picket line.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

You weren't paid to live away. I know.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Beast games. We've talked about this. That's a walkable city, Beast City. Beast City. This man is providing all your wants and needs. Food, water, beast bars, bars. Yeah, jerky. Because jerky. Starbucks in season two.

SPEAKER_05 20:18

Lovers. Lovers.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

Oh my god, those two.

SPEAKER_05 20:21

You got everything in that game.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

This clip reaches the couple from Beast Game Season Two whose names escape me, but faces do not.

SPEAKER_05 20:31

The girl was like a like a gymnast at some point.

SPEAKER_01 20:33

I want to officiate your wedding. I want to. I love you both.

SPEAKER_05 20:37

I'll give the the best man speech for Jimmy.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

Jimmy!

SPEAKER_05 20:41

Every guy on reality TV is named Jimmy.

SPEAKER_01 20:44

I mean, Mr. Beast is a Jimmy.

SPEAKER_05 20:46

Mr. Beast is Jimmy. There's Jimmy from Love is Blind. There's Jimmy who's now on perfect match.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

There's Jimmy from there's Jimmy Fallon. There's Jimmy Kimmel. There's Jimmy Stewart.

SPEAKER_05 20:56

Oh my god, there's so many Jimmy.

SPEAKER_01 20:57

I know you do. That's my one impression. Is Jimmy Stewart? Jimmy Stewart. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 21:01

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

See, he's there.

SPEAKER_05 21:03

That's really good. I lost all the moment for it turns into Tom Brokaw.

SPEAKER_01 21:08

Oh. Who no one knows.

SPEAKER_05 21:09

I don't know what that is.

SPEAKER_01 21:10

I do a Tom Brokaw and then I have one that's so good.

SPEAKER_05 21:13

What is it? Just do it.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

Let me guess it. Previously on Lost.

SPEAKER_05 21:16

Oh, nice! That guy. I loved Lost when I was.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

Oh, I think the TV skills match.

SPEAKER_05 21:22

I know. I think we're really aligned. I think maybe I just watch everything.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

Before we get to all the bad things you ever did, God is a fan.

SPEAKER_05 21:29

No, really?

SPEAKER_01 21:30

God's a fan. I'm so surprised. You shouldn't play a role in why you're getting in, but he loves your impressions. And so I think if on tape we can get some of them, he's gonna eat them up. So I I came up with some. Feel free to veto or not to.

SPEAKER_05 21:45

I'll try my best. I'm a little rusty. Oh, okay. Do you need to warm up? No. If they're bad, like forgive me and cut it out.

SPEAKER_01 21:53

Oh yeah. Katy Perry at a Chuck E. Cheese.

SPEAKER_06 22:00

I am thinking of pizza.

SPEAKER_05 22:03

No, that wasn't like that good, but like.

SPEAKER_01 22:06

No, you're warming up. It's perfect.

SPEAKER_05 22:10

I'm loving these animatronics. They're kind of amazing. I don't know if that's even her.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

It was perfect. Pink, pink, pink, breaking up with someone after three dates.

SPEAKER_06 22:22

Hey, what's up, you guys? It's pink, and uh, I don't even really like you that much.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

Oh. Is that bad? Brutal. Oh my god, that felt real. Oh my god. Grimes at Pet Smart with a bird.

SPEAKER_05 22:39

Okay, so I need like some some like food for my bird, but at the same time, like I really don't like that there are these fish here that you guys are like throwing out in like the back, like in the in the garbage in the trash. I think that's like really fucked up. And so, like, if if if I'm gonna buy the bird food here, then like you're gonna have to stop doing that. If that's like cool with you guys, do they do that? Yeah, you don't know I don't know if it's at pet stores.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

I don't, but at pet stores.

SPEAKER_05 22:59

At one of at some of those pet stores, I always look it up before I go, which is another reason I'm going to heaven. Whenever I'm getting my dog pet food, I make sure it's from like Chewy, which has nothing to do with selling animals.

SPEAKER_01 23:09

Chewy. Use promo code Chewy.

SPEAKER_05 23:12

Chewy. But I think some of the other ones are bad, so I always look it up before I go, but I can't remember which one.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

Doja Cat eating a bowl of oatmeal.

SPEAKER_05 23:21

Oh my god, I haven't done Doja Cat in years.

SPEAKER_01 23:24

It was like your number one pin thing. I was just like, okay, what impression is?

SPEAKER_05 23:30

What is she eating?

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Oatmeal. A bowl of oatmeal.

SPEAKER_06 23:35

It's hard to keep my oatmeal in my mouth. I don't fucking know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05 23:41

It's hard to keep my oatmeal in my mouth. Like that's sort of what I was saying.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

It's hard to keep my oatmeal in my mouth. That's she's so funny. She's so funny. Oatmeal is one of the easier foods to eat. Miley Cyrus returning a pair of earrings at a Target.

unknown 23:57

Miley.

SPEAKER_07 23:58

Sorry. No, get into her. Okay. Miley. Miley. I was up. You got oh my god, Miley. Oh my god. Oh my god. Okay, there we go. Um, there she is. So listen, like these earrings, they blew up my ear. And so I cannot wear them anymore. If if it's okay with you.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

That's her. That is that's Hannah Montana or Miley. Hannah Montana. That was thank you for thank you for putting up with that.

SPEAKER_05 24:27

That was I I'm like rusty. I'm rusty. I haven't done impressions in a while. I'm not sure. No, you're an actor now. I only do Bronwyn.

SPEAKER_01 24:34

You're an actress. Who?

SPEAKER_05 24:35

Bronwyn from Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.

SPEAKER_01 24:37

I don't know her.

SPEAKER_05 24:39

Um, well, you can clip this because people are really gonna like it.

SPEAKER_04 24:43

Oh, they're gonna like it. But she talks like this and she'll say, I'm gonna get into heaven because I'm a really good person. But if you don't want me to go to heaven, then I don't have to go to heaven if you don't want me in heaven.

SPEAKER_05 24:56

Like that's sort of how she talks. Like you should clip it.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

It's gonna do well. I should have interjected. Zach Zimmerman, Judgment Day, Brianwyn getting Zach Zimmerman.

SPEAKER_04 25:06

If you aren't watching Zack Zimmerman's podcast, I mean that's up to you.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

Can I do an impression of you doing Brahma? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:13

If that's if that's not Zack Zimmerman doing hi, I love the Mormon Church and Christ and uh the Mar and Joseph Smith. That is amazing. It was heartbreaking that the church that the theater burned down. They were there doing it. Oh what theater? Is this this just seems like a a gay man?

SPEAKER_05 25:33

Yeah, you're not doing a great job.

SPEAKER_01 25:35

Sorry. Wow.

SPEAKER_05 25:37

I mean, ask our viewers.

SPEAKER_01 25:39

Vote below. All three of you. Let us know. Let us know. It's good that it's a small number so it'll be clear. And it's an odd number, too.

SPEAKER_05 25:48

Keep it low and keep it off.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

Sarah's like, I came into Manhattan for this. For this?

SPEAKER_05 25:53

With my sweaty pits and this sweaty shirt.

SPEAKER_01 25:55

Those are it's it's we're we look disgusting. Again, if you're listening, you made the right choice. If you are watching, this is bad. Bad you are not dripping a bit.

SPEAKER_05 26:08

I sweat, but I'm not like a crazy sweater. I'm a sweater. No offense.

SPEAKER_01 26:13

I don't take offense to it because culturally we've made it seem like sweating is a thing that villains do and that anxious and nervous people with secrets to hide. My body's just taking care of myself.

SPEAKER_05 26:24

Yeah, we don't we've yet to see an angel sweat. When have we seen angels sweat?

SPEAKER_01 26:29

The demons are I get so hot in here. Yeah. Sorry, my body wants me to refreshen up. Like, oh, we're getting a little warm, Zach. Let's let's drip a bit.

SPEAKER_05 26:37

Do you know that dogs don't sweat?

SPEAKER_01 26:39

They go, Yeah. To stay cool.

SPEAKER_05 26:42

I don't get it.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

So whenever I think a dog's cute, going like that, they're actually like, I'm near death and about to die. I have another hot take on dogs.

SPEAKER_02 26:51

What?

SPEAKER_01 26:51

There's a lot of videos on TikTok of a cute little dog. They'll be like, Do you want to go for a? Yeah. And they go, crazy. Yeah, yeah. And then when they say walk, you're like, oh my God, okay. And I think if you went to a prison and told everyone they might get out, they might be a little elated as well. Yeah. Yeah. It seems a little cruel when you think of it this way.

SPEAKER_05 27:12

It is.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

Oh, do you want a little freedom?

SPEAKER_05 27:14

Yeah. You want to leave the house on a chain?

SPEAKER_01 27:17

Yeah. Is that what you do with your dog?

SPEAKER_05 27:20

Yeah, I'm not off-leashing my dog.

SPEAKER_01 27:22

I mean, having a dog, I think, is part of the 25% bad that you know.

SPEAKER_05 27:26

I rescued a tiny little pitfall.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

From what?

SPEAKER_05 27:30

From a rescue.

SPEAKER_01 27:31

You rescued from a rescue?

SPEAKER_05 27:33

From the street. And they rescued her from the street.

SPEAKER_01 27:35

Okay.

SPEAKER_05 27:36

She was on the street in South Carolina. And as a puppy, you have a Southern Pitbull?

SPEAKER_01 27:40

Yeah, I have a Southern Pitbull. Mr. Worldwide. Clip that. Clip that.

SPEAKER_05 27:46

Clip that.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

If I don't get the more viral. Mr. 305.

SPEAKER_07 27:51

I'm Alistair. Mr. 305, y'all. Mr. 305, y'all. It's Molly.

SPEAKER_01 27:58

How old's the pit bull?

SPEAKER_05 27:59

Two and a half.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

And you you give and love and yes, she's amazing.

SPEAKER_05 28:03

She's, first of all, not aggressive at all. She's like a little scared girl.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

Exception to the rule.

SPEAKER_05 28:07

Exception to the rule.

SPEAKER_01 28:08

Well, most pit bulls have a fiery heart of vengeance.

SPEAKER_05 28:10

They have a reputation, but I don't. I have lots of facts I could spew at you, but I'm not going to do it. I'm sort of like a pitbull defender and everyone's going to be mad. Don't clip this because they're going to be mad at me in the comments. People are either like pitbull defenders or they hate pit bulls.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

I feel like if I'm going to someone with half a face is going to be like, oh, they're they're fine.

SPEAKER_05 28:27

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Who is she? We found somebody new.

SPEAKER_05 28:32

Clearly, just my personality.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

Oh, whoops. Yeah. Who does the impersonator become? Yeah. Who are you when the mask comes off?

SPEAKER_05 28:40

That's the thing. I think I've lost myself in all of this. I don't know who I am.

SPEAKER_01 28:44

Step, you need to go to the garden.

SPEAKER_05 28:46

The garden, the Madison Square Garden, and watch the Knicks win.

SPEAKER_01 28:49

No, like the garden of Eden. Alluded to planting earlier.

SPEAKER_05 28:53

Oh, right, right. Back garden. I do. But yeah, so my dog, she was rescued off the streets. She was gonna get murdered. Her and all of her siblings and her mom were gonna get murdered. A rescue in Vermont.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Murdered by the st the state? Like euthanized. Yeah. Or killed on the state.

SPEAKER_05 29:10

Euthanized puppies. A bunch of puppies. She was literally three weeks old. They took her in, took her to Vermont. We found her in Vermont. We met her and she was so scared. She was just scared, but she was sweet. She was scared, but she was sweet. And then we were like, you know what?

SPEAKER_01 29:26

You gotta do the 333 rule, which is like when you after three dates you check in, and after three months you check in, after three years you check in. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 29:35

And then you can break up at any of those places. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

You have the dog.

SPEAKER_05 29:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:39

What's three three three and dog land?

SPEAKER_05 29:40

333 and it's in rescue land. Because when you get a dog, you like you're thinking in your head, like, oh, I want a puppy that like loves me and just like licking my face and just like obsessed with me and so easy right away. But rescue dogs have been, you know, hurt and they're traumatized. Yeah. Like some of us as well, or traumatized people. And so when you get them, they're not like like not all of them, but my dog was scared. Like she was like, I don't, she was just she would just like sit there like this with her tail between her legs in a corner. And so after three days, they're a little more comfortable. Then after three weeks, they're a little bit more comfortable. Okay, I wasn't far off.

SPEAKER_01 30:19

I wasn't far off.

SPEAKER_05 30:20

Exactly. It is the same thing just with animals.

SPEAKER_01 30:23

So I and you don't break up. You don't break up. Yeah, you should. Although I am a fauner, so I do look you fawn over. Yeah, I'd be the rescue that on day one of being rescued, I'd be like, You're so perfect. Thank you for taking me in. Oh, I I'm so grateful for this. Please don't abandon me.

SPEAKER_05 30:44

Yeah. And then what happens after three weeks?

SPEAKER_01 30:47

Haven't made it that far. They abandon me.

SPEAKER_05 30:50

Really?

SPEAKER_01 30:50

I I self-select people that abandon me. I know. A friend told me recently, I want to push back on the idea, Zach, that the twice divorced mother of one pro-dom is your twin flame.

SPEAKER_05 31:04

Yeah. Yeah. You gotta learn how to just accept good things in your life and not complicated things.

SPEAKER_01 31:13

Where yeah, I'd love a I'd love a simple love.

SPEAKER_05 31:15

Simple as good.

SPEAKER_01 31:16

Where is she? How did you meet your boyfriend? I love also that I'm just turning this to a daily relationships podcast, which is probably what I'm I'm like, are you gonna get into heaven? It's like no, teach me how to find love.

SPEAKER_05 31:28

And maybe that's what maybe that's what it's turning into.

SPEAKER_01 31:30

Judgment Day. Judge me.

SPEAKER_05 31:32

God loves all. We met at a I was in a this Lionsgate horror film. Oh. And it premiered in LA in 2022, I think.

SPEAKER_01 31:42

Oh, this is a recent love.

SPEAKER_05 31:44

And no, it's 2026. It's been four years. Is that recent?

SPEAKER_01 31:50

I don't know. Do you think I've been like how old do you think I am? Feels recent.

SPEAKER_05 31:54

Don't tell, don't answer that.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

I don't know. Everyone's 27 in New York. Sure. Is that what you are?

SPEAKER_05 31:59

No.

SPEAKER_01 31:59

Are you 30?

SPEAKER_05 32:00

Don't don't talk. I actually don't want you to talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 32:04

You're younger than me, we assume. I think so. Culturally. Yeah. As the host of the podcast. The guests are all right. You could only have younger.

SPEAKER_05 32:11

Because you always need the little power trip.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

Oh yeah. Yeah. I've been here longer. I'm gonna die sooner.

SPEAKER_05 32:16

Exactly. Hopefully.

SPEAKER_01 32:17

I'm older than I look.

SPEAKER_05 32:19

Really?

SPEAKER_01 32:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 32:20

No, you're not.

SPEAKER_01 32:21

I'm much older than you think.

SPEAKER_05 32:22

That's not true.

SPEAKER_01 32:23

It's very true.

SPEAKER_05 32:24

I don't think that's true. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_01 32:26

I'm really old.

SPEAKER_05 32:27

I think you're like in your 30s.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

That is such a wide swing. That is like the worst.

SPEAKER_05 32:33

What? Okay, well, I know that you're I I like feel like I've learned that you're older than me at some point. Like I learned that.

SPEAKER_01 32:39

Are you in your 30s?

SPEAKER_05 32:40

Do I seem it?

SPEAKER_01 32:42

No, you have a joyful care j joie de vive and an ignorance that only a young person could have. And a confidence only a young person could be.

SPEAKER_05 32:53

I actually am not.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

Same. No one is.

SPEAKER_05 32:56

No one is. Fake it till you make it.

SPEAKER_01 32:58

Or maybe like three people are.

SPEAKER_05 33:00

Yeah, I hope so. I hope someone is.

SPEAKER_01 33:03

Who was confident? Like one drag queen.

SPEAKER_05 33:08

Which one? Alaska Thunderfuck.

SPEAKER_01 33:12

Alaska Thunderfuck is confident. Yeah. I think. I think so. So she crashed out on that one episode.

SPEAKER_05 33:17

You know, Ben de la Creme is probably really confident. Because if you're quitting drag race because you're doing so good, like you're confident.

SPEAKER_01 33:25

I guess knowing what is confidence? Knowing who you are and being okay with that.

SPEAKER_05 33:30

Yeah, like being proud of yourself and like not worrying about like being bad at something.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Interesting.

SPEAKER_05 33:37

Maybe.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

I'm gonna put up some bumpers on this discussion because I once looked at a Reddit thread on me on another podcast and someone said, I realize why I hated this episode. Zach reminds me of my worst self. Psychobabble, boundaries, etc. So I will not get off the internet.

SPEAKER_05 33:57

No more vulnerability from me. Oh my god. Uh how do you you know, how do you like Oh my god. How do you get the blinders on for this?

SPEAKER_01 34:04

I need more haters, actually. Really? Do you think it'll be helpful? Oh yeah. I'm not big enough now to be canceled.

SPEAKER_05 34:10

Do you want to be canceled?

SPEAKER_01 34:12

For something benign would be nice. Where I know I'm right. John Marco said cunt, and everyone tried to cancel him, and it was so dumb.

SPEAKER_05 34:20

I thought No, that's dumb.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

That was benign.

SPEAKER_05 34:22

That's really dumb.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

Um I I won't I was just like, hey guys, cunt. Cunt. Can I go to the card?

SPEAKER_05 34:30

Well, I can say it, obviously, because I have cunt. And I am one. You can, yeah, you can cunt isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 34:35

Also, like British people are saying it like, because there's so many of them over there.

SPEAKER_05 34:42

They need the words to display.

SPEAKER_01 34:43

But also it's yeah, I don't know. Can you say it like it's just a body part?

SPEAKER_05 34:49

It's just a body part. And like can you call it?

SPEAKER_01 34:51

Can I call someone a clit? Is that better?

SPEAKER_05 34:53

I think that's a is a clit a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 34:55

You fucking clit. I think it's a great thing. When you can find it.

SPEAKER_05 34:59

I mean, you're where's my camera when you can find it.

SPEAKER_01 35:03

Listeners, you are winning.

SPEAKER_05 35:05

Yeah. I feel like if you call someone a clit, it means that they're sensitive.

SPEAKER_01 35:09

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 35:10

But they have the potential for something really wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

Wait, I love that. Yeah. I'm a clit. You're a clit.

SPEAKER_05 35:17

Me too. You think I'm sensitive? I am. I'm really sensitive.

SPEAKER_01 35:21

The way you just said it, yeah. Wait, you think I'm sensitive? Do you? If I call someone a clit, it means it means they're like a shy little rescue that's like hiding under a hood. To like tease out.

SPEAKER_05 35:37

Oh, and you have to like warm it up. Hey guys. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:41

And then it wants to go on a fucking roller coaster. Yeah. It wants to be like taken for a walk. Annihilate. Yeah. Yeah. It wants to Okay, wait, what is what are we mixing metaphor? I'm thinking of vibrated. Annihilated? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 35:57

Oh, you want okay. This clit wants a vibrator.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

Is that wrong to say annihilate?

SPEAKER_05 36:02

I don't want mine annihilated, I'm not gonna lie. Personally, but I mean, people, everyone's different. That's the thing, too, is everyone is different.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

Someone I dated, I'm dating women now, and someone told me I should have a vibrator.

SPEAKER_05 36:15

Yeah, vibrators.

SPEAKER_01 36:18

Oh, wow. She recommended. You have a vibrator. I have a classic one, yeah. Wow. Like the big wand thing.

SPEAKER_05 36:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 36:25

And I was so proud of that. The one that's like that looks like this. Yes. And I was so proud that I was invested in the pleasure of my partners. Wow. That I had someone over and on a third date, I was like, Do you want to use my vi the vibrator? And she was like, That was too much. That was so overstimulating. Whoa. She was like overwhelming.

SPEAKER_05 36:42

That's the thing. It can be too much.

SPEAKER_01 36:43

I assumed I assumed that's what everybody was doing, but not everybody's doing that, I guess.

SPEAKER_05 36:48

I mean, it's it's cool that you got a vibrator. I've never heard of a man getting a vibrator for the women. Some might see it as a performative male thing.

SPEAKER_01 36:57

Oh, I'm doing a lot of that. That's good though. Reading the books.

SPEAKER_05 37:00

You need to do a little bit of it.

SPEAKER_01 37:01

Why?

SPEAKER_05 37:02

But not too much.

SPEAKER_01 37:03

Uh when do you leave a Broadway show and you're like, oh, are they they were that was so performative. They were just like, why I hope so. Oh, I I did a good deed. Sorry that I'm trying. Sorry that I'm trying. I'd rather you perform good than bad. Absolutely. Are you performatively evil?

SPEAKER_05 37:20

Depends on the day.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

It's time for some fun moral dilemmas.

SPEAKER_05 37:23

Okay, I love that.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

You know they're fun because that's in the title. I need a sip of water. I feel on the edge of death.

SPEAKER_05 37:30

It's hot. It's hot today. And then there's like a weather warning.

SPEAKER_01 37:34

And what stinks is in mere minutes and hours it's gonna thunderstorm and it's gonna be so pleasant.

SPEAKER_05 37:40

I can't wait. I love the rain.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

Ready for your moral dilemma, Sarah Coffee? Mr. Beast gives you a coin. If you choose to flip it and it's heads, ten of your friends get one million dollars. If it's tails, one of your ten friends loses one year of their life. Do you flip it?

SPEAKER_05 38:00

One year. I'm flipping the fucking coin, baby. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:06

To lose a year of their life.

SPEAKER_05 38:08

I hope it's the friend that's living to 100, obviously.

SPEAKER_01 38:11

Which friend? Yeah, you get to pick which friend.

SPEAKER_05 38:12

I get to pick which friend. I'm not gonna say out loud.

SPEAKER_01 38:15

Oh, you already knew.

SPEAKER_05 38:16

I don't know. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 38:17

Jonathan, we're sorry. He's gonna know. I mean he's gonna be like really healthy at 74.

SPEAKER_05 38:25

Yeah. I mean, one year is not that long.

SPEAKER_01 38:31

There's a this is built off of this other question, which is like if you uh oh god, I don't remember. It's something about money and time on earth. Like if you would you take a million dollars right now and not wake up tomorrow or something, or lose a day.

SPEAKER_05 38:48

Yeah, yeah, lose, lose, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:50

And it's supposed to make you realize like, oh, actually, life is priceless. Didn't make sense. Ten years, ten years. I'll give you a million dollars right here if you delete ten years of your life.

SPEAKER_05 38:59

Okay, me a million dollars. One million dollars.

SPEAKER_01 39:01

You wouldn't do it. One million dollars. Ten years off my life. No, ten million.

SPEAKER_05 39:06

Ten years off my life. Five years. Five years. Okay, this is the deal is a is improving.

SPEAKER_01 39:11

Deal or no deal.

SPEAKER_05 39:13

Ten million dollars for five years off my life.

SPEAKER_01 39:17

Whoa.

SPEAKER_05 39:18

Yeah, I think that's a good deal.

SPEAKER_01 39:20

You would take it?

SPEAKER_05 39:22

I wouldn't. I mean, I could I I could retire. What if it's I wouldn't have to do this stupid podcast anymore.

SPEAKER_01 39:27

Mine? Any of them. Did you just neg me?

SPEAKER_05 39:30

Any of the podcasts.

SPEAKER_01 39:32

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 39:33

The really successful people aren't doing podcasts. I think you would find creative podcasts.

SPEAKER_01 39:38

You would find fulfillment. If they're fun.

SPEAKER_05 39:42

In a podcast? You think I should start a podcast?

SPEAKER_01 39:45

One, yes. And two, hopefully you're having fun.

SPEAKER_05 39:48

I am having so much fun. It's not about this moment right here. This is what I live for. It's about the moment after where I see how I am and I hate her.

SPEAKER_01 39:56

Don't watch back. I did want to ask about your movie premieres. Do you watch?

SPEAKER_05 40:01

I do.

SPEAKER_01 40:02

And how does that feel?

SPEAKER_05 40:03

Not as bad.

SPEAKER_01 40:04

Oh, that's nice.

SPEAKER_05 40:05

It depends though. Like, I'm very judgmental of myself, but uh I try to like I'll go to the movie and I'll watch it a number of times because I care about the movie and I care about like the art of it and the whole movie and like how I do like leading laughs and stuff. Like, ha ha ha ha ha, good one, guys. We all we all enjoyed ourselves. Yeah, sometimes you gotta, you know, light a match to start a fire.

SPEAKER_01 40:29

Okay, Survivor 50 finale. Do you think we're getting a fire making challenge?

SPEAKER_05 40:34

Well, we always have a fire making challenge.

SPEAKER_01 40:36

I think we voted on it.

SPEAKER_05 40:37

I think oh, did we vote on it?

SPEAKER_01 40:38

Yeah, in the hands of the fans.

SPEAKER_05 40:39

Did uh did you vote for it or against it?

SPEAKER_01 40:41

I forget.

SPEAKER_05 40:42

I forget what I voted for, but like I think I'm pro it. I'm pro it, but I would like there to maybe be like a final two sometimes and us be surprised by that.

SPEAKER_01 40:50

Yes, that would be nice. That would be really nice. I agree. I for some eventually at some point it was always three. Yeah. And then we like assumed.

SPEAKER_05 40:57

Yeah, like the four the the new era is like they've decided on three for some reason. And like I liked when it was like a sort of a mystery. Like, if you know that there's gonna be three, then you're making a you're making decisions for the three. Exactly. Like if you don't know, then you have your two, you have your three, you're thinking about it. It's like more is up in the air. You have to be a little more cunning and strategic.

SPEAKER_01 41:17

I want a jury of three deciding who gets it. That's insane. No one wants that.

SPEAKER_05 41:24

No one wants that.

SPEAKER_01 41:25

I mean, then it will happen. Jeff Propes will do it.

SPEAKER_05 41:28

Exactly. Please don't bring these things up.

SPEAKER_01 41:30

I will not. I will say, I'm everyone is so mean to Jeff Propes on the internet. Well, I don't get it. He's making a thing that I like. I'm happy. Yes. Everyone gets so like, you're ruining it. It's like, no, you you're making it.

SPEAKER_05 41:49

Yes, I be happy with it.

SPEAKER_01 41:51

Everyone's getting so picky. Just eat what eat what mama made you.

SPEAKER_05 41:55

Yes, and we will eat what mama made us, but can I play devil's advocate? No offense to you.

SPEAKER_01 42:00

Yes.

SPEAKER_05 42:00

Angel, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 42:01

I'm I'm the I'm making my moves to get on the show. I'm not gonna get on the show. Insult Jeff after. We should go.

SPEAKER_05 42:07

No, I love Jeff. I love Jeff.

SPEAKER_01 42:10

An angel.

SPEAKER_05 42:10

He's really important in my entire life. I've been watching Survivor since I was like in high school. Like, I'm which year was that? Not gonna tell you. It could be a really short amount of time since then, or it could be a really long amount of time since then.

SPEAKER_00 42:22

Only time will tell.

SPEAKER_05 42:24

Only time will tell. But I will say he did sometimes I feel like he's saying things for like the network. You know what I mean? Like today there was like an article about like the live finale, and he was like, we're not gonna do it like this way, and like then we're never gonna do it again. But it's like everyone loves the live finale. Yeah. And he's like, no, they're so raw at the end of the at the end of the thing when you just do it right away.

SPEAKER_01 42:47

They're so raw and emotional point about the social media defense.

SPEAKER_05 42:51

Yes, and it is different, but because of the social media, so much happens after the show that you also have to deal with.

SPEAKER_01 43:01

I think we could have our cake and eat it too and do a post. Oh, I guess you have to know the winner.

SPEAKER_05 43:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:08

I want the winner to be live.

SPEAKER_05 43:09

We already have a little post. Like we have our little well, they used to do Ponderosa.

SPEAKER_01 43:13

Oh, they put that online?

SPEAKER_05 43:14

They used to do Ponderosa. They used to do like, I'm like a big fan. I think they used to make videos, like when they would go get voted out, they would make videos.

SPEAKER_01 43:21

Can we lock the votes and then have a little kiki?

SPEAKER_05 43:24

That would be nice.

SPEAKER_01 43:26

Then reveal the votes later.

SPEAKER_05 43:28

I feel like when you're maybe you'll be the host.

SPEAKER_01 43:31

Or reveal the votes, have the kiki in um Fiji. Right. And then also do a live show.

SPEAKER_05 43:39

This is getting complicated.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

But tonight they're doing it like a three-hour event. Interspersed with the live stuff.

SPEAKER_05 43:45

I know. Because we want to check in with them and that's sort of what they've always done, but like then after they do like a QA kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 43:51

And I don't think we're getting the QA. That's I think it's interspersed throughout. Social media is changing everything.

SPEAKER_05 43:58

Yeah, I guess so. There's room for more content.

SPEAKER_01 44:00

But you know Do you think Jeff Propes goes to heaven?

SPEAKER_05 44:03

Definitely. He's done so much good.

SPEAKER_01 44:05

And someone told me a story that he like found out someone was a super fan and they were like had a fatal illness and he like calls in, kept calling him and went to his funeral. You're kidding. Or like zoomed on to his funeral and just like and it wasn't a story that he was getting coverage. I think yeah.

SPEAKER_05 44:24

Like, do you know that uh Mormons believe in like three levels of heaven? I I do believe that Bon will have that.

SPEAKER_03 44:36

Bon will is Bronwyn. We have three levels of heaven.

SPEAKER_04 44:40

So we have three levels of heaven. We have three levels of heaven. Yeah, so the the Yeah, we do. Level one. So the yeah, the best ones go to the top, and then the middle ones go to the middle, and then the worst ones go to the bottom, but they're all still heaven. And then still hell, and then there's the um great and spacious building. That's our how. It's called the great and spacious building. No, it's not.

SPEAKER_01 44:58

It is the great and spacious building is hell. Yeah. That's how have I not heard of this?

SPEAKER_05 45:05

You're not like talking to LDS people enough. I love I love LDS.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

You were making a point, but I interrupted you.

SPEAKER_05 45:11

Oh, but I was gonna say that Jeff Propes is gonna be in the top layer. Even though for them, like it's like people who are practicing Mormons will go to the top level, but I think that Jeff Although he's not a pro you do, but I'm saying he's gonna go anyway. Oh, that's the good that he's done for the world. Because he has done so much good for this world. He's shaped the world that we live in, and only the good parts of it.

SPEAKER_01 45:35

None of the bad. None of the bad. I do have a theory that Survivor began everything that's wrong with the world. By airing that snakes and rats speech at Final Tribal, we watched people being cruel to people on television that weren't acting.

SPEAKER_03 45:54

Whoa.

SPEAKER_01 45:54

And that like leads to Trump. That leads to this, like You think Oh, we're we're drawn to people being cruel to each other. And it used to be in fiction where there's a moral.

SPEAKER_05 46:05

Was that before The Apprentice? It was 2000, it was 2000.

SPEAKER_01 46:09

Take me back. It was 2000.

SPEAKER_05 46:10

Was it right before 9-11? Do you think it caused 9-11?

SPEAKER_01 46:14

Survivor?

SPEAKER_05 46:15

Masking.

SPEAKER_01 46:16

Connect the dots. Let's see what it was.

SPEAKER_05 46:18

Let's check the air does.

SPEAKER_01 46:19

Mr. Policeman, I left you all the clues.

SPEAKER_05 46:21

Yeah. I mean, that it's true. That was, yeah, no. The rat snake thing is iconic. Iconic reality television.

SPEAKER_01 46:30

Do you win Survivor if you go on?

SPEAKER_05 46:32

You know that I played Survivor Brooklyn and I did win.

SPEAKER_01 46:34

What is Survivor Brooklyn? You play getting on the G train?

SPEAKER_05 46:38

Yeah, pretty much. You go to Williamsburg, you go to someone's apartment in Williamsburg, or you go to a park, and yeah, you literally get up at 3 in the morning, you get there by like 4 30. Oh, it's a good thing. And you play all day and until like the next morning.

SPEAKER_01 46:50

It's a one-day survivor.

SPEAKER_05 46:51

So one day survivor. No, you don't sleep.

SPEAKER_01 46:53

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 46:54

You wake up, it's early morning, you're there, you're starting at 5 a.m. How many contestants? Like 20 to 25? I don't know. It was like a lot.

SPEAKER_01 47:01

How'd you do this? How'd you win? Befriending everyone?

SPEAKER_05 47:04

Um, I had like a really great alliance with this really awesome gay guy that I don't talk to anymore, but I really liked him. Oh, she's just me and a bunch of like 40-year-old gay men. And it was Oh, and they loved you. Yeah. They turned on each other. That's how you went survival.

SPEAKER_01 47:20

Yeah. But then you were just like, I'm a cute little girl. Straight through. Yeah. Interesting. I think you would could do well on it.

SPEAKER_05 47:27

On like the real show? Yeah. Oh, I I like think about it and I dream about it sometimes. Yeah, but like what I also holding me back. Well, for one, like, I I don't know if like an actor should really be going on a reality show in that way.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

You think it would hurt your acting career?

SPEAKER_05 47:44

Yeah, like think about it. Like, you know how it's I think it launches it. Yeah, but like I don't want to be that kind of actor. I want to be like taken seriously.

SPEAKER_01 47:51

Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_05 47:52

Do you think that I would be better off if I just like didn't care if I was taken seriously?

SPEAKER_01 47:57

It's a bigger gamble.

SPEAKER_05 47:59

It is, and I'm probably not gonna make money, but cut off parts of yourself.

SPEAKER_01 48:03

But like I do You just don't want to be you're like Daniel Day Lewis. You don't want people to see too much of you outside of the actors. Exactly. And why are you coming? Why are you on this podcast? Well, it's why are you sharing who you are behind the character?

SPEAKER_05 48:15

You're making a lot of good points, and maybe I should be applying for a survivor. But here's the other thing that I think about I'm like, what do I advertise myself on as on Survivor? Because you always are like, here's what I here's my job before. Yeah. And I think going on as like an actor is like so cringe. Like, I don't want to do that. I don't think they've ever had an act. I think any anything entertainment adjacent is like not, it feels off to me. I don't know why. I not a service. I was a server for a couple years, but then I was a tutor. I was an SIT tutor. And I do a lot of voiceover jobs.

SPEAKER_01 48:48

That sounds worse. Though they've cast they cast news anchors.

SPEAKER_05 48:52

So like I could be like voiceover actor. Like I could be like that's fun. I feel like people would like see that as like a thing.

SPEAKER_01 49:00

Viewers at home, you may think, oh, Zach's not doing the interview, Zach's not learning if she's gonna go to heaven. No, no, no. I'm seeing how her brain works in order to assess. There's a lot of this is a covert mission to do that.

SPEAKER_05 49:12

There's a lot of files, a lot of data to go through.

SPEAKER_01 49:14

This is the lot of data going to heaven, apparently. How would you seek revenge on an ex success? Period.

SPEAKER_05 49:26

I'm not saying I'm successful, but I'm saying that's what I would do ideally.

SPEAKER_01 49:30

I anyone who dates a public figure or an aspiring public figure, famous person, what's wrong with you? No, you realize their face might be everywhere. Everywhere. You might see them in commercials and shows. By dating one, you're kind of banking on them not being no, it's like it's a huge mistake if you do it.

SPEAKER_05 49:49

Huge.

SPEAKER_01 49:49

Never love us. Yeah. Unless you're you met your how did y'all meet again?

SPEAKER_05 49:54

I had a premiere of a movie that I did, a horror movie.

SPEAKER_01 49:57

And then it's it's at the premiere and I saw him. You were great in the movie?

SPEAKER_05 50:01

No, I saw him and I told him that he looked like a hot school shooter. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 50:07

That's a classic of the show.

SPEAKER_05 50:09

If you see a picture of him, you'd understand.

SPEAKER_01 50:11

Are we allowed to put one up?

SPEAKER_05 50:13

Sure. Flash that headshot.

SPEAKER_01 50:16

Oh my god, Paul's searching for one. No, no. We can do it in post. You don't have to do this. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

SPEAKER_05 50:25

You gotta flag it.

SPEAKER_01 50:26

Flag it.

SPEAKER_05 50:27

Um, and then uh uh I've told this story so many times because it's a good story.

SPEAKER_01 50:34

Then don't tell it again.

SPEAKER_05 50:36

Yeah, there it's on it's on other podcasts.

SPEAKER_01 50:39

Isn't that annoying? We have to tell the same story over and over. No, actually. Should we just clip that one in? Yeah, you could just say that part with the I also feel like telling the story of how you met your lover is a story you're gonna tell for the rest of your life.

SPEAKER_05 50:51

You are. We said I love you on the first night. Not even kidding. No, like it was actually like day one. Like, I actually didn't believe in love at first sight until I met my boyfriend.

SPEAKER_01 51:01

This makes me so mad.

SPEAKER_05 51:02

Really?

SPEAKER_01 51:03

I told someone I love you on a first date, and I thought we were gonna get married.

SPEAKER_05 51:07

It can't be on a date, though. It has to be like you meet by kismet.

SPEAKER_01 51:10

Oh, I didn't know that. A date feels like you saw him on the street and you're like, You said I love you on the first date. Because I thought we were together forever, like you guys.

SPEAKER_05 51:20

Well, I just feel like And they ran away. This is why I don't like dates. I think dates are stupid. I think you need to run into people by accident. Because dates, there's this like you're going in with this idea of like there's you're like sizing each other up. Yeah. Do I want to have sex with you? How badly do I want to have sex with you? Like, do I want to love you? What do I love about you? Instead of you know, I don't I feel like that's so uncomfortable, and I don't want people to think, ugh, uh.

SPEAKER_01 51:44

I always do an activity or try to.

SPEAKER_05 51:47

Like a rock climbing. Like paint a pot.

SPEAKER_01 51:49

That's and it brings out your personality.

SPEAKER_05 51:51

What's like your top ideal date?

SPEAKER_01 51:53

My therapist says I'm supposed to do something I wanted to do.

SPEAKER_05 51:56

I didn't say what does your therapist think is your top ideal date. I said, What is it? I don't have my own opinions.

SPEAKER_01 52:00

I just listen to what this nice man tells me to do.

SPEAKER_05 52:03

Okay, well, so do I, but like I wouldn't tell just today.

SPEAKER_01 52:06

He said behind every beautiful woman is a man who no longer puts up with her shit. Or he's like, you know that classic joke, Zach. I was like, Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_05 52:19

Okay, you gotta maybe you gotta venture out from that guy.

SPEAKER_01 52:22

We gotta venture out. I um perfect first date. Uh but I I've become a monster because I don't I just want to get coffee. I just want to get coffee and go on a walk in the park.

SPEAKER_05 52:33

That sounds lovely.

SPEAKER_01 52:34

I don't want to spend $200 on dinner because you might be annoying. And I'm gonna think about eating too much. Yeah. And I don't really drink that much anymore.

SPEAKER_05 52:41

You gotta think about the way you eat too.

SPEAKER_01 52:43

Oh, it's a night, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 52:44

I don't want to think about the way I eat.

SPEAKER_01 52:46

No.

SPEAKER_05 52:47

And then yes, drinking is a whole partner. Then you're like sizing up how many drinks do I have? How many these do I have?

SPEAKER_01 52:51

And then you're hung over the next day. Yes, I didn't even have that much fun. Oh my god. You forced me to drink person. Oh but then you wanna maybe if you want to have sex, you should be having a drink.

SPEAKER_05 53:00

Really, you think so? Do you want to have sex on the first date?

SPEAKER_01 53:03

I was, and then I wasn't, so now I don't. Because I think it puts you in a different headspace.

SPEAKER_05 53:08

It does. It's not worth it.

SPEAKER_01 53:10

I've taken way too many blue chews. I did not need what are blue chews? Like a little Viagra.

SPEAKER_05 53:16

You use? I'm in my 30s. I don't know stuff about that stuff. Helps. My boyfriend's still in his 20s.

SPEAKER_01 53:24

Wow. So young. Really young. Cougar. Keeps me young. Cougar.

SPEAKER_05 53:28

Coogie.

SPEAKER_01 53:29

Cougar. Enjoy it while you can. I I'm gonna stay that forever. No.

SPEAKER_05 53:34

Good to know.

SPEAKER_01 53:35

It's it there's limited.

SPEAKER_05 53:36

Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:38

30s. Wow. It's gonna get squishy. And does it happen to everyone? One a day.

SPEAKER_05 53:45

No.

SPEAKER_01 53:46

I think yeah, but no.

SPEAKER_05 53:49

I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. And you don't even you don't even know about it.

SPEAKER_01 53:54

Please update me.

SPEAKER_05 53:55

I'm not going to.

SPEAKER_01 53:56

Subscribe to Sarah Coffey's boyfriend's limpdick at gmail.com. It never is. He's babe. What why'd you go on that podcast and talk about this?

SPEAKER_05 54:08

I I I feel so bad. Babe, why can't you? Because every podcast I go and I have to talk about him.

SPEAKER_01 54:12

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 54:13

I have to.

SPEAKER_01 54:14

You brought him up.

SPEAKER_05 54:14

The most important thing in my life.

unknown 54:16

Oh.

SPEAKER_05 54:17

No, it's like sad.

SPEAKER_01 54:19

Well, I wish we had a message from him, but we don't.

SPEAKER_05 54:22

Well, I was going to have him make a message, but then I was like, I don't want that to be my story.

SPEAKER_01 54:26

Your boyfriend?

SPEAKER_05 54:27

That like I'm defined by him.

SPEAKER_01 54:29

Okay, independent woman.

SPEAKER_05 54:30

Also, like, you're defined by the time. I just thought my sister would be funny.

SPEAKER_01 54:34

We've got a message coming to us from Earth right now from Kate Coffey, sister of the deceased, Sarah Coffey. Let's see what she has to say. Oh my God.

SPEAKER_08 54:44

Okay, I'm winging this one because I think it's clear as day. The question is does Sarah go to heaven? Or like why? And I've weighed both. I was like, does she go to heaven? Does she go to hell? Weighed both. And day in, day out, my girl goes to heaven. Um, Sarah's the best sister to ever exist. I can give a hundred reasons why. Sarah, like, you're going through some struggle city thing that's like, you know, you say to anyone else, like, oh, okay, she's struggling for nada. Sarah's gonna listen to you through and through, like, stay solid, not be judgmental, give you advice, but that's not like advice you don't want to hear. You know? She'll like, oh, I actually like genuinely feel like Sarah's the best person in the entire world. She's my best friend. She'll like sit there and watch me cry and then giggle with me and then blast songs from our past in the car. She like knows exactly what to do. She's the most entertaining person, and I think that's like generosity to the fucking core. You know? I don't like she like, does she do it for her? No, she does it for us. She's making us laugh constantly. Oh my god. She loves dogs. I think that's a heavenly thing. Um true. Yeah. I'm gonna start with that.

SPEAKER_01 56:20

My thunderstorm alert went off. Whoa, wait, that's scary. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 56:24

That's so sweet. I love my sister. I knew she would be like earnest, but she's always like funny by accident, which I love about her. I think she's one of the funniests.

SPEAKER_01 56:34

Very similar, too.

SPEAKER_05 56:34

We do. We sound excited, we're like people say we have very similar voices, we look similar.

SPEAKER_01 56:39

If we didn't talk dogs earlier, that would have sounded more out of Fleff Fields. It wouldn't. It's like she's a great person, she's a good person. And she loves dogs.

SPEAKER_05 56:46

Loves dogs.

SPEAKER_01 56:48

That's quite a compelling testimony.

SPEAKER_05 56:52

I know. I I really wow, that was the sweetest thing I've ever heard.

SPEAKER_01 56:56

I just text my sister like the pictures of the self-help books. We're reading this. That's sweet though. See, that's sweet too. We see the past.

SPEAKER_05 57:03

Yes, when we're together, but we don't get to be together that much. She lives in Paris.

SPEAKER_01 57:08

No, she doesn't. She does.

SPEAKER_05 57:09

That's why she WhatsApp's you.

SPEAKER_01 57:11

Hey, I was wondering what was going on there. I know, kind of weird, right? She lives in the past. It's like, who are you?

SPEAKER_05 57:19

Where are you from? International. I know. Well, it's kind of cool.

SPEAKER_01 57:22

All right, it's time for the lightning rounds. Let's do it. You have to send these things to heaven or hell. Should the following things go to heaven or hell? Why is only one nostril running? It's insane.

SPEAKER_05 57:31

I don't know. I think it's like a normal thing, actually. If you only breathe out of one and not the other at night.

SPEAKER_01 57:36

Worse. I took I took like a little hit of a joint last night, like, oh, this will put me to sleep. And instead, I was like, I'm being suffocated. My nostrils getting me. Memorial Day, heaven or hell?

SPEAKER_05 57:47

Heaven.

SPEAKER_01 57:48

Love is blind.

SPEAKER_05 57:49

Heaven.

SPEAKER_01 57:50

Beast games. Heaven. Survivor. Heaven. Meta laying off 8,000 people. Hell. Monday. Heaven. Tuesday. Heaven. Wednesday.

SPEAKER_05 58:01

Heaven.

SPEAKER_01 58:02

The color blue.

SPEAKER_05 58:03

Heaven.

SPEAKER_01 58:04

Late stage capitalism.

SPEAKER_05 58:05

Hell.

SPEAKER_01 58:06

Capital letters.

SPEAKER_05 58:08

Heaven.

SPEAKER_01 58:09

Question marks. Hell. Paper towels.

SPEAKER_05 58:13

Hell.

unknown 58:15

Really?

SPEAKER_05 58:16

It's like, well, I heard that they have like bleach in them, and like, so I'm just eating bleach all the time.

SPEAKER_01 58:21

Why are you eating paper towels, Sarah? Coffee.

SPEAKER_05 58:25

Well, like, you you wash your fruit and then you wipe it with a paper towel.

SPEAKER_01 58:29

I'm not washing my fruit.

SPEAKER_05 58:31

You're not washing your fruit?

SPEAKER_01 58:32

I'm rinsing, but I'm not wiping it with a paper towel.

SPEAKER_05 58:34

What's the difference between a rinse and a you just let it dry? You just let it.

SPEAKER_01 58:38

What fruit? Bananas don't need this. Apple. What am I doing with an apple?

SPEAKER_05 58:41

You're rinsing it and then you're using a big towel to wipe it out.

SPEAKER_01 58:44

I rinse my sweet potatoes.

SPEAKER_05 58:45

Whatever, I'm wiping my mouth with bleach. Like, what do you want me to say? You're rinsing your sweet potato. Of course you're rinsing your sweet potato.

SPEAKER_01 58:49

I'm gonna have a paper towel. I go mini, oh my god.

SPEAKER_05 58:52

Me too, but that's do you think it's good for the earth? Probably not.

SPEAKER_01 58:56

No, but that's not me being here is bad for the earth.

SPEAKER_05 58:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 59:00

I so why not enjoy myself and have a clean paper towel?

SPEAKER_05 59:04

I have a lot of paper towels in my house. I'm sorry. Who put my paper? I also just felt like I was saying heaven a lot.

SPEAKER_01 59:10

I felt like I was saying heaven too much. Oh wow. So you're just you're not actually thinking more morally. No, I just want to give you a lot of people. Yeah. Oh wow. Well, we want things even and we've only been sending people to heaven. Yeah. Might be time for someone to go to hell today.

SPEAKER_05 59:24

Yeah, and maybe it's paper towels because yeah, they did some things wrong.

SPEAKER_01 59:27

This is shocking. Hot dinner.

SPEAKER_05 59:33

Heaven.

SPEAKER_01 59:34

Lukewarm lunch.

SPEAKER_05 59:35

Hell.

SPEAKER_01 59:36

And then I accidentally skipped napkins.

SPEAKER_05 59:40

Heaven.

SPEAKER_01 59:42

Napkins belong in hell. Paper towels go to heaven.

SPEAKER_05 59:44

I just feel like if I'm gonna make the paper towels go to hell, then napkins get to go to heaven. We have to even things out.

SPEAKER_01 59:49

This is really bad.

SPEAKER_05 59:50

Each place needs their thing to clean up things.

SPEAKER_01 59:54

This is you were at the finish line.

SPEAKER_05 59:57

You are sending napkins. Okay, I don't even have napkins in that in my house in that way.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:01

Neither do I. But I hate when you get one anywhere. Like a like a square.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:08

How great does it feel like when something spills and you go and you there's a pile of paper towel? Pick up a bunch of napkin. You're at a bar.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:15

I want a rectangle, not a cocktail napkin. That's never done anything except let me write my number on it for somebody. Yeah, I don't love them.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:23

I'm just saying like I made a mistake sending paper towels to hell, so I was just because I made that mistake, I had to I had to give heaven something.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:31

So you admit it was a mistake.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:32

It was a mistake. I should I should I but you know, God makes mistakes too. He like he did like a bunch of stuff with like Abraham that he probably shouldn't have done.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:40

We just need to get through this now. Okay. If you were sent back to Earth as your last chance, your Scrooge moment. And then we have to decide. If you were to be sent back to Earth, what would you do differently?

SPEAKER_05 1:00:53

Oh I'd like that's selfish. I was gonna say, like, I'd invest in some stocks that I knew were gonna do good, but that's why I should go to hell. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:10

Alright, we're sending this off to God. I cannot believe this.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:14

Okay, what is he gonna say?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:17

No, no, no, no, no what? You're going to hell.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:22

Oh sorry. Is it because of the sky? It's the paper towels, and you're talking about the finish thought.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:27

You were like, God is approving of paper towels.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:29

And God loves your impressions. So he is this is terrible. All because of paper towels. Matt Friend.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:41

Good. I hope he fucking enjoys Matt Friend.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:44

He's got a mean family guy. He does. Sarah, this is heartbreaking.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:48

No, like I'm upset, but you know what?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:50

If I'm temporary, in a year we can check back in. Okay, this is a good one. Don't burn for too long.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:55

Like when you go to jail and they like you get you get a you got a year in hell. Yeah, you can you can get it like an older.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:03

I don't know how to get you there. It's on the left. We've never sent anyone there.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:07

You've you've never sent anyone to hell? No. Wait, did you hear what my sister said?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:14

But what rings in my ears is that you sent paper towels to hell.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:17

But my sister said that we listen to songs in the car together and that she loves me and that I'm generous and I give amazing perfect advice and I never hurt her when I'm giving advice.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:25

Honestly, right now, hell is more temperate than heaven. So you're gonna enjoy your enjoy the vacation. Okay.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:32

It's gonna be a nice It's a gift. A gift. Okay, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:37

Thanks so much for tuning in to Judgment Day. Please follow Sarah across all social media. Anything else you want to plug? Um what's your handle?

SPEAKER_05 1:02:45

Scoffee X.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:46

Scoffee X.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:47

Yeah. Um just like support me in general.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:51

Yeah, it's gonna be a tough next year for her. I mean, a lovely next year.

SPEAKER_05 1:02:55

A lovely year.