Ep. 11 Mom, I Didn’t Ask | Navigating Unwanted Advice with Love

This week on Women in Bloom, we’re catching up with a few personal life updates before introducing something we’ve been so excited to share: the very first installment of our new advice series, Ask an Elder, Ask a Coach.

Our first anonymous question comes from a listener who asks: How do you lovingly navigate a relationship with a mother who continues to offer opinions and advice that weren’t asked for?

It’s a dynamic so many of us know well. How do you honor the wisdom of a parent while also honoring your own voice, boundaries, and decisions as an adult?

In the second half of this episode, Eldress offers her perspective from a lifetime of lived experience, while Jasmine brings a coaching lens to the conversation. Together, they explore how love, communication, and healthy boundaries can coexist, even in complicated family relationships.

Be sure to listen all the way through because the advice segment begins in the second half of the episode. And if you have a question you’d like us to discuss in a future Ask an Elder, Ask a Coach episode, you can submit it anonymously here:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1e_mTGuRnv7e-5AeYs6HT-sQNRoi_7_xH0o5-L-fAMNg/viewform?pli=1&pli=1&edit_requested=true

Life comes at you fast, and to that we say: Bloom anyway.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You got to women. And to that we'll come back to Women and Bloom Podcast, where we believe that life can sometimes come at you fast.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

And to that we say, bloom anyway. Today's episode is one of our favorite kinds. It's a walk and talk, which means you're joining us exactly as we are. Eldris and I out in the world moving our bodies, catching up on life, and letting the conversation unfold naturally. This week we're sharing a few personal updates before introducing a brand new segment that we're really, really excited about. Ask an Elder, Ask a Coach. This is your space. You can anonymously send us the questions that have been sitting on your heart. Elders brings the wisdom that comes from a lifetime of lived experience. And I, Jasmine, offer a coaching perspective rooted in curiosity, mindfulness, reflection, and helping you move forward with intention. Together, we hope to offer thoughtful conversations that leave you feeling a little more seen, a little more hopeful, and a lot less stressed. Okay, sis. So tap in. But before we begin, we do want to share one important reminder. Everything discussed on Women in Bloom is offered for educational and inspirational purposes only. Our conversations are not a substitute for care from a licensed professional, counselor, therapist, psychologist, or any other qualified mental health professional. Since that means this might feed you as a compliment to the main course, but this is not the main course. If you are navigating a mental health crisis or you need some type of clinical support, go ahead and take care of that. We encourage you to connect with a licensed provider in your area. Okay. Love you. Love you. Said with love. Um now lace up your walking shoes, pour yourself a cup of tea if you like, or settle into whatever this moment looks like for you. Let's bloom together. We are recording a walk and talk.

SPEAKER_03 2:16

A walk and talk.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

A walk and talk. And we have our first advice requests.

SPEAKER_03 2:25

Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, somebody wants to know what women in bloom are thinking.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Somebody wants to know what we're thinking.

SPEAKER_03 2:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:34

All right. But we did say we were gonna treat these like a check-in for us. Mm-hmm. And we were also going to um do a little segment. So what you want to do? Check-in first, or you wanna get get you wanting to sip the tea while it's hot?

SPEAKER_03 2:48

Well, listen, I kind of like the check-ins. I like to get started with a check-in, get us warmed up.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Okay, me too. I ain't mad at a check-in.

SPEAKER_03 2:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

What I am mad about. Well, you know, I'm glad we walked at this time of night because lordy, it was hot today.

SPEAKER_03 3:03

Yeah, it was blazing. It was blazing. It was blazing hot.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

Oh, so what you've been up to?

SPEAKER_03 3:09

Okay. Hmm. Let's see. Um, a little bit of arts and crafts and um some um doing some work with some parents in Baltimore, so I'm glad to get that started.

SPEAKER_02 3:23

When does that start?

SPEAKER_03 3:24

It starts um in two weeks, actually, two weeks from tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

Okay. So y'all doing the pre-meetings and stuff.

SPEAKER_03 3:30

Yes. Orientation, orientations, and you know, just meeting with parents and giving them the books, but we do, we're just having like a mini thing with parents, just three sessions um during the course of the summer, and then we'll see where if parents want to take it somewhere, but we really want to expose them to the book. And we're talking about strengths of the black family. Strengths of the black family, which we will do a session on at some future time.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

Every time the title comes up, I know it. You're like, which we are going. It's coming, it's coming, it's coming. We need to go just to go ahead and factor that into the editorial calendar. You know what? We need some little fluorescent vests right for night walks, right?

SPEAKER_03 4:09

Just to be on the safe side, or light clothing, at the very least. We didn't do that this time. Well, I got there, we got that. They will see our feet.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

But people are out putting their trash out, so yeah, so that's an added layer of safety, of security, yeah. Hello, yeah, um so but we're gonna. Yeah, but you also grazed over the lovely trinket sets that you've been crafting.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

Nice little gift box sets.

SPEAKER_02 4:36

Gift box and picture frames with Ankara fabric and a dinkra symbols.

SPEAKER_03 4:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:41

I love that. It came out of nowhere, too.

SPEAKER_03 4:44

Well, it's it started off um when we were doing rites of passage with girls. We would buy these. Um, and the girls would have their outfits that were made um from Ankara fabric. They would pick their own, and then they would have some extra, and they would make a gift for their mothers, like Mother's Day gifts. Okay. And they're next we started, we started with um frames.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 5:11

And next we Yes, thank you for taking your dog inside. I was like, I know that they love the animal. We started with frames, and then we did some boxes, and on the boxes we would buy like little flowers and something, but we wouldn't put fabric on them. And then um I started putting fabric on one, you know, just had some extra, and it just blossomed from there. And it was like, oh, I could, these could be little sets. So it really didn't come into fruition until like a couple of years ago, was really making them as gift items for people. And somebody said, You know, you should sell these.

SPEAKER_02 5:44

I was probably one of them somebody.

SPEAKER_03 5:46

Right. So we'll see what happens. But the Adinker symbols on them is a new addition. So I'm excited about that.

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Yeah, I was thinking, um, as I'm just seeing you do this with like certain items, I'm like, okay, now what would it look like? Different items, you know, if you just started doing uh little pillow pillowcases, pillow covers, you know.

SPEAKER_03 6:09

I think pillow cut pillowcases, pillow covers, little kitchen items are not stuff. Simple stuff.

SPEAKER_02 6:14

Nothing that's gonna be too taxing or like required to take up too much space.

SPEAKER_03 6:18

Right. And I think that there are a lot of people who do that already.

SPEAKER_02 6:21

Okay. So fair enough. Um and Amazon and order everything, right?

SPEAKER_03 6:27

And some people do them with a certain level of expertise, so I don't want to do, you know, I'm I don't want to take their shine away. They're doing something, and I want them to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_02 6:36

Well, me, let me tell you that you have brought a level of capricorn expertise to your picture frames. Everybody ain't doing that.

SPEAKER_03 6:46

Well, this is true, and this is why I'm gonna continue to to um stay in your lane, stay in my lane and perfect that lane. Okay. Um, so touche.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

Hopefully that uh Gemini behind.

SPEAKER_03 6:57

What else could you do? Hopefully that'll pick up, but hey, right, I gotta stick with this and make this real good.

SPEAKER_02 7:02

Right, make it good, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:04

So niche down, niche down, that's right. Niche down, and um and I like doing them.

SPEAKER_02 7:10

I know. It's like your little peaceful time.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

Yeah, yeah. You know, of course, we need to do a session on BWLF, Black Women's Leadership Forum.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:19

Um, so I'm preparing for that. We have a leadership retreat coming up in August, and then a membership retreat coming up in October at the Greek Peak Mountain Resort. And I'm also a member of an organization that's just started in Rochester called the Wazi. Oh the Wazi, Rochester, um Rochester Council of Elders.

SPEAKER_02 7:43

Oh. Now how do you get Wazi?

SPEAKER_03 7:46

The Wazi, uh Wazi is a Swahili word uh meaning um council of elders.

SPEAKER_02 7:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 7:53

And um we you know, um a few years ago, well in a few, in 2022, um, Rochester has always had elders. Um and um in 2022 we wanted to um uh identify them as community elders. Yeah, as those as a part of the Juneteenth festival celebration.

SPEAKER_02 8:20

Now who's spearheading this initiative and what's the uh goals? Now it doesn't necessarily need to be goal-oriented because that's a very Eurocentric, nonprofit, industrial, complex way of thinking. Right. But what y'all gonna be doing?

SPEAKER_03 8:36

Well, actually, uh the goal is we really need to rebuild the village. Who better than to to start that than elders who understand the concept of village? Long before we got here, the philosophical concept of village, who we're supposed to be with each other, and uh you know, youth are part of that, babies, um, uh young adults, um, families, organizations, churches, whatever. They're all a part of the village. But we need to lift up and create an understanding of what eldership is. There's a lot of um fixing and mending that we need to do. We really need to to come clean about who we have not been. Oh accountability. Um, because we haven't always acted the way we're saying that we want to, but we want to share eldership as the idea.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Right.

SPEAKER_03 9:34

Eldership as the thing. That's the thing that you try to, the mark that you're trying to get to is being an elder. And it's not just being somebody older.

SPEAKER_02 9:42

Right.

SPEAKER_03 9:43

So we got there's a lot of um teaching and learning that we have to do and build in our community. Um, and that we need our young people with us to help and build and educate us.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

Right?

SPEAKER_03 9:54

This is a different time. So it's really, really important work, but we're starting with ourselves so that we can understand better who we are and what our role is. That's the wazie.

SPEAKER_02 10:03

Wazie, I love that initiative.

SPEAKER_03 10:05

So that's just started, and I'm uh grateful to be a part of that process. Even though we're in Rochester, not excuse me, no longer in Rochester, we're in Fort M Washington. I'm still a part of that elder community.

SPEAKER_02 10:18

Let's get into the street. I don't trust the street. The wazi. I don't trust the bugs on the tree. Right. No beef with you.

SPEAKER_03 10:25

No beef with you tree.

SPEAKER_02 10:27

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 10:28

So that's what's going on with me.

SPEAKER_02 10:30

Oh, I mean, that's good. I mean, you know, you guys are in retirement and making such good use of your time, and I think I'm taking pages out of that. You know, um, staying purposeful. Yeah, no matter what stage of life you are in or what season you are going through, always stay anchored in purpose. I should. That's what I'm taking from that. And that'll be the guiding light. That has been the guiding light, honestly. Yeah and truly. So okay. Yeah, let's get into women in the tea while it's hot.

SPEAKER_03 11:05

Let's get the tea while it is H O T.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

While it's gorging, okay. I call myself very fortunate because I have a a mother that is a traditional mother. Our relationship is very loving. Okay. But there are people that some folks who did not have that um gift from their mothers. So or maybe it is complicated. Yes, should I say?

SPEAKER_03 11:35

They might have had it, and some complexities too.

SPEAKER_02 11:39

Some complexity. So we got something complex. Yes. They're Eldris and Jasmine. My mom is giving me advice I never asked for. She comments on my parenting, my career, my finances, and even what I wear. I know she's trying to help, but every conversation leaves me feeling like I'm still 16 years old. If I tell her how I feel, she says I'm too sensitive. If I stay quiet, I resent her. How do I honor my mother without shrinking myself?

SPEAKER_03 12:15

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 12:16

Dang, coming in hot. Coming in hot.

SPEAKER_03 12:20

That's coming in hot. That's coming in hot.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

I would let the resident eldra eldress go first.

SPEAKER_03 12:27

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 12:27

Because my I you know I'm just a a doting child, so I really don't Right, but you've had some of that experience too, right?

SPEAKER_03 12:35

Yes, yes, I have. So because sometimes I can't keep my mouth shut.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

Right.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

But this is true. Okay. Yeah. So it you know, we can we can get uh both sides of that here, but I do think that there are I think that you and I have a um a balance. We were talking about balancing my sister call this evening. Um, you know, that we understand that there is, you know, everything is um a yin and a yang, a plus and a minus, right? And so um, so sometimes we know that even though there might be this um uh what seems like um the mother might believe that what I'm doing is sharing constructive criticism, right? Yeah, um the younger might feel like it ain't constructive or nothing, it's just plain criticism. It ain't the C C. It's the C, right? Yeah. And so I can I can understand that. Um I also and I you know I had an experience, and I don't I think I shared this with you before, that you know, one time when you guys were little, I was at Nana's house and I was preparing something for you all to eat. And Nana came in. I think there was some like like brown rice and some corn and some chicken. No, it was just like brown rice, like almost like a like a rice. Like it I made it, it was like rice aroni rice. Watch it. It was like rice around.

SPEAKER_02 14:02

Oh, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 14:03

But it was brown in color.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:05

And there was corn and it was yellow. And um, I think there was some cornbread on the plate, and it was some chicken. And Nana came in and looked at that and said, see, that's why your kids don't want to eat your food.

SPEAKER_02 14:20

It's it don't have this story.

SPEAKER_03 14:22

It don't have no color to it. It's all the same color family. You need to to put some green and red, you know, she's what's going on, and I just looked at her and I said, Oh my god. Now normally I would have said, She's so critical, right? I can't, I just I can't get away from this criticism. But in that moment, you looked at it in that moment, nope. I looked at her and I said, This is all she knows to do.

SPEAKER_02 14:48

Oh, you looked at Nana and thought that This is it. This is okay. This is actually I can't, you know, it was it was I was turning my head. Not in a way like that's all she good for. No, no, no. But in a way, like this is how she knows to communicate.

SPEAKER_03 15:03

This is how she this is what this is what it is for her.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:06

And nothing that I am going to say is going to change that for her. Not in that moment.

SPEAKER_02 15:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:13

And I just said, Oh, okay. Now I didn't change what I had. Y'all ate that food. Right.

SPEAKER_02 15:19

Tore it up. I'm sure we did.

SPEAKER_03 15:20

Right. But what I did was I said, okay, this is the way that she's, she knows. If she wants this is how she's gonna be able to help, right? Yeah. And even if I don't see it as helpful, that's all she knows. Yeah. Right. So I I I think that there is some for me, it gave me peace to put that in perspective. And not that she was being ultra critical of me. Yeah, but that that that was how she knew to help.

SPEAKER_02 15:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:49

And in a moment when she, I was gonna be able from that moment, I could teach her better. Once I saw her in that light, I could teach her better how to do that with me. And it didn't happen when I was teaching her, it wasn't in the moment. It wasn't when other times it was other times, right?

SPEAKER_02 16:04

That you began began to see.

SPEAKER_03 16:07

Right, right. I would be able to say things that I like. Or I would be able to say, you know what? Okay. When she said something or offered something that I didn't particularly think was helpful, okay.

SPEAKER_02 16:18

What do you think her response would have been if you didn't respond the way that you did? Like, let's say you were like, Mommy, I'm like, I I really ain't trying to hear that right now.

SPEAKER_03 16:27

Well, first of all, I was raised not to be disrespectful to my mother.

SPEAKER_02 16:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 16:31

So I would I would have never said, I ain't really trying to hear that right now.

SPEAKER_02 16:36

I guess I've been Americanized.

SPEAKER_03 16:38

Well, and and it's it's it's and and and I would also say it's it's in the way you say it, right? So you don't really say, I ain't really trying to hear that right now. You're like, I can't really take that right now. That's different.

SPEAKER_02 16:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:49

Right? But um I do think that um I've not had that experience with her where I was doing the pushback, right? And I've and to be honest, I wasn't always right. Okay. I wasn't always right. So once I raise a good point. And once I could accept that she wasn't always right, and that's all that she knew, I could forgive myself a little more.

SPEAKER_02 17:10

Cause also at a certain point, it's like, I'm gonna do what I want to do, and I know that for a fact. Exactly. So why do I need to go back and forth?

SPEAKER_03 17:16

Like, okay, thank you. Thank you. They're gonna eat it. That's what I said. They're gonna eat it. They're gonna eat this. Watch it disappear, watch it disappear, and it did disappear. You know, and she went on about her business. It's like that that meme or that um clip that was um Lorna was sharing in the family chat about uh-huh, Jamaican kids sucking their teeth.

SPEAKER_02 17:36

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 17:37

It was like, I I know better than that. Why would I even entertain that? Yeah, you know, but I did in that moment, I realized she was just she was doing what she thought she knew best to do.

SPEAKER_02 17:50

Yeah, she was trying to be helpful. I think the thing that also raises a question for me is um some people there have been a there's been a breach of trust with a parent.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

And whether it's betrayal or I don't know, feeling unprotected as a smaller child, not really believing in good intention from a parent. Right. So I want to like call that out as a possibility and hold space for that. Right. But my default setting, right, is all things equal. Like, you gotta you got a good mom, you ain't got no complaints with her. My thought process with my parents has always been there will be a day when I wish I could just hear Jackie say, put the thing back.

SPEAKER_01 18:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:40

Who took all the toilet paper off the school and didn't put it back? And I remember one time you held a meeting. I held a meeting. You held a family meeting because somebody used up all the toilet paper and didn't replace the roll. And we were, I was in high school. We were sitting around the table and just could not contain our laughter. You know, I don't even remember that.

SPEAKER_03 19:01

What y'all were laughing? What was I doing? Because you think I'm gonna make it dad.

SPEAKER_02 19:05

But we were trying so hard, and I think dad also thought it was a little cray crack too. Everybody was like trying to be trying to hear you out. I don't even remember that, you know. But you called everybody down. I think we had some folks staying with us too. I don't know who it was, but it wasn't just the Campbells at the table, it wasn't the nuclear at the table. So everybody was called down. So but I remember, I don't know, when I hear stuff like that, I'm thinking like, but I also come from a lens of like I have a great relationship with my mother, you know what I'm saying? So um, but at the same time, I do feel like um you were not a parent, and neither was dad, that um kept tight reins on us. You didn't weigh in. What do you mean we didn't you don't think so? Because we kind of thought we was kind of tight. No, I mean certain stuff you were tight with, but we had we we had freedom to make our own mistakes.

SPEAKER_03 20:01

Like and suffer the consequences. And suffer the consequences, yeah. You did.

SPEAKER_02 20:05

So if you disagree with something, you might give that look, but you ain't gonna dare be like, I I want you to cut, I want you to cut that person off. Like, I you know, you would you would y'all would not do that.

SPEAKER_03 20:16

No, we wouldn't.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

Y'all be like, hmm, okay, you'll learn.

SPEAKER_03 20:19

Still talking to that stupid boy, be stupid.

SPEAKER_02 20:24

Stupid.

SPEAKER_03 20:25

And oh my gosh, a few of them.

SPEAKER_02 20:29

Oh my gosh. So with that, yeah, I I think my perspective would be, you know, is it really a battle that needs to be fought? You know, and if it is Right.

SPEAKER_03 20:45

Is that the hill you wanna die on?

SPEAKER_02 20:47

Is that the hill you wanna die on? And maybe you won't die on it. Maybe it'll lead to a breakthrough. It all depends on how you wanna how you wanna approach it.

SPEAKER_03 20:56

Right.

SPEAKER_02 20:57

You know.

SPEAKER_03 20:57

But here here is a um here is a strategy that I think is helpful, right? Um because sometimes when pe when you're in the middle of a moment, you need to be able to say, hmm. I'm gonna think about that. Can I get back to you on that? Oh man, that's a good one. Yeah. That's a good one. You should do da-da-da-da-da-da-da. That's a good one. I'm I'm gonna think about that. Can I get back to you on that? Putting a pen in it. Putting a pen in it.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

But actually come back to it because it's like this um sis has just been stuffing it down, sorry. Right, right. Um But I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with just sitting there sitting someone down and saying, hey mommy, like when you do this, I just want you to know how it makes me feel.

SPEAKER_03 21:39

But that's the whole thing about the difference between responding and reacting.

SPEAKER_02 21:44

Yes, right.

SPEAKER_03 21:45

So if you're ready to respond, certainly, right? But if you go on into reaction mode before you react, say, you know what, I I'm gonna think about that for a minute. Can I can I come back to you on that? And then once you've done that, think about what it is you want to say, and even if you don't Have all of the words, take some time to write it out and practice that thing because you can only get good with practice. Yeah, yeah. Don't try to don't try to have this conversation without some practice, without doing your your homework. This is why you need the time to say, let me, can I get back to you on that?

SPEAKER_02 22:16

Yeah, and play out the different scenarios.

SPEAKER_03 22:19

That's right, that's right. Yeah. Don't the thing is, because it does sound like um, you know, they have this tension in their relationship, but she's not trying to be disrespectful.

SPEAKER_02 22:28

Right. Right?

SPEAKER_03 22:28

Now, if because if it was that kind of relationship, she wouldn't even have been asking that question because she'd have been said, You bet you listen, you better you, you know, this ain't none of your business, or some old stuff like that. And it's unimaginable.

SPEAKER_02 22:39

No judgment, but I just listen, I couldn't even dare. It hurts, it pains me to think of disrespecting my parents.

SPEAKER_03 22:46

No, but so I but this is this is the other thing too. Um, and I was sharing this with someone. It's a thing about, especially when there's kids involved, right? Okay. Like, so the parent might realize, so I'm not saying this is the case, but in certain situations, a parent realizes, you know, I didn't do the very best that I could have done. No parent really does, right? You know why? Because it's their first time out.

SPEAKER_02 23:10

And I don't care what they have witnessed and seen and the new parents is doing new stuff that y'all, your whole generation, nobody even touched that. Nobody touched that, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 23:18

But the what what a parent is seeing is, okay, I got an opportunity. I might have messed this up with my child, but I got an opportunity to fix this with my grandchildren. Right. Let me tell her what nobody told me. And sometimes it's telling you what somebody did tell them, and they ain't like it, but they didn't know how to they didn't do anything about changing how that um was communicated or trans translated to them. So they it comes out that way.

SPEAKER_01 23:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 23:41

But in sometimes like a foreshadowing or uh Well, it's like you do the way you parent forewarning. Well, the way the way you parent is how you were parented. Period.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:50

You know, if you unless you put some new skills or tools in your toolbox. Well, I don't know, because dad Nope, your dad put new tools in.

SPEAKER_02 23:59

Oh, okay. Oh, you just was explaining that. I was explaining it. See, let me put my listening ears on. Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 24:05

Put your listening ears on. Because he put new tools in. When he said, you know, I didn't have a relationship with my dad growing up. So I watched your dad, right? Yeah. He watched grandpa. And he wanted the kind of father he wanted to be with his children.

SPEAKER_02 24:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:20

Was the kind of grandfather or the kind of father that I had. Right. So he put new tools in. And that's the whole thing, is if you ain't if you ain't putting no new tools in and deliberately doing that. You're gonna fall back on the things that you know. And the things that you know are the things that you have seen and witnessed and experienced for yourself. Even when you say to yourself, I'ma do it different. I'm gonna do it different. I ain't gonna never do this. I because I did that. I said, Oh, I first thing I said was I was never gonna whoop my kids.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

Oh that was something, oh you leave through that right out the window. Right out the window.

SPEAKER_03 24:52

Soon as I soon as I needed to react and not respond. What did I pull out? Let me get my but first start with the hand. Then it went to a belt. You see what I'm saying? If you don't get something new in there, and then you have to also figure out when this moment happens, I got a new tool. How am I gonna use you got to practice to use the new tool? That's what I was saying, right? Yeah, yeah. So it is, you know, that's sometimes the mother needs some grace, right? It might be a good thing, is if you know what would be really, really good? Yes, tell the tell this this listener. Okay, uh-huh, that they can come to strength of the black family. Reach out to me for strength of the black family. Because then the the mother, mother, and daughter can do it at the same time.

SPEAKER_02 25:31

I love that. Yes, actually. I love that.

SPEAKER_03 25:34

We'll do a couple of Zoom sessions on them.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

Yes. You heard it. You heard it.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

You heard it on WIB. With an M B I B. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 25:45

W I B the only the only other thing that I would um that comes to mind as I'm thinking about this question is um, you know, we have we do this thing called jumping to conclusions and thinking we know where something is rooted. Okay. Oh, my mother's giving me feedback about things I didn't ask her for, she's being hypercritical. Um she thinks I'm doing a bad job. You know. And it really could be, it might shift the whole energy if it is if the if a simple conversation reveals that, you know, hey, this is where I feel like I came up short with you. Right. So I'm sorry if it's coming off as I'm I think you're doing a great job, actually. I'm just I'm I'm noticing I'm weaving some things in that was actually my stuff, but I also want better for you and my grandbaby. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

So it's like that's a that's not that's a beautiful response. That's a beautiful response. So it does seem like that that's that responding the and the practicing to respond, yeah, is something that's needed on both sides.

SPEAKER_02 26:53

And sitting back and thinking, and exchanging self with others, right? Basic Buddhist principle, like switch places and see where that may be coming from.

SPEAKER_03 27:02

Shea. Beautiful lesson.

SPEAKER_02 27:03

We done walked our miles.

SPEAKER_03 27:05

We done walked up more than a mile, mile and a half.

SPEAKER_02 27:07

We done sip some tea. Sip some tea. And spill some tea.

SPEAKER_03 27:10

And spill some tea.

SPEAKER_02 27:11

How are you feeling about our advice segments?

SPEAKER_03 27:14

Please let us know.

SPEAKER_02 27:15

Well, I'm asking you.

SPEAKER_03 27:16

Oh, you're asking me. I thought you were asking the listeners. Okay. Um, I like this because it gives me something to respond to. And I think it gives us something to think about too. Like just different things. Right. And it's and and so we can explore more of these s types of dynamics right in future sessions.

SPEAKER_02 27:33

Now that we know that's what folks are hacking.

SPEAKER_03 27:35

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:36

Well, thank you, listeners. Thank you, those who wrote in. Um, this is episode 12 of the Women in Bloom podcast. We on a roll.

SPEAKER_03 27:45

On a roll.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

Hey, we actually reached 75 downloads, so look at that.

SPEAKER_03 27:48

Oh, look at that. On a roll.

SPEAKER_02 27:51

We will see y'all next week.

SPEAKER_03 27:53

Thank you so much for for liking us and and downloading.

SPEAKER_02 27:55

Yep. Thank you, come. Bye y'all. Bye. Before you go, we have one small favor to ask. If today's conversation resonated with you in any way, would you help us grow our little community? The simplest way to support women in bloom is completely free, and it makes a huge difference. Follow the podcast wherever you listen, whether that's Amazon Music, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, leave us a five-star rating and a review. And share the episode with a friend, a sister, a mother, daughter, anyone who could use a little encouragement today. Every share helps another woman discover our community. And don't forget, ask an elder, ask a coach segment. It's powered by you. If there's a question weighing on your heart, submit it. It's an anonymous link, so nobody's gonna know it's you. Don't be putting no names and you know those important details in there. Keep it discreet. We love the opportunity to explore it together in a future episode. You can also stay connected by joining our mailing list and following us on social media for episode updates, wellness inspiration, and everything happening in the women in bloom community and our little world. Until next time, take care of yourself, extend grace to yourself as you grow, and remember life will come at you fast. And to that, we say bloom anyway.